Chapter 22 Bian Yinhe said: I will always have him in my heart (1)

Ever since Bian Yinlai became an actress, her parents thought that this daughter would not worry about being chased by a good man, and she might be able to live her little life early, and live a good life.However, when she was in the theater troupe in Lanzhou, Bian Yinxi was not married; when she was transferred to Beijing, she remained unmarried for years, and her middle school classmates who were her age in the past gave birth to children who were alive and kicking. Just as his mother thought, Bian Yinxie did not have to worry about being chased by anyone.Just three months after she joined the troupe, a young artist in the troupe began to pursue her.The artist did not go to a formal school. His father was an old artist in a theater troupe.He was six years older than Bian Yinxuan, and when Bian Yinxuan came in, he had just become a regular.The artist said that Bian Yinhe had a good-looking face, so he asked Bian Yinhe for help every now and then, making sketches or sketch models for him, saying that it was to lay a solid foundation for his business.Bian Yinhe was kind and simple, believed his words, and never refused every time.For the fourth time, Bian Yinhe sat upright and waited for the artist to "draw" as usual, but the artist stepped forward and hugged her, wanting to touch her and kiss her. Naturally, Bian Yinhe was frightened, broke away and ran away.Afterwards, Bian Yinxie tried to avoid facing the artist as much as possible, and she hid whenever she could if the artist was around.There was no hatred in her heart, only a kind of fear, feeling that he would always violate her.One day, the art worker found Bian Yinxie, handed her a note folded like a sick note, and left without saying a word.Bian Yinkai looked at his back, and he was no longer afraid, and felt that he was a little pitiful.When no one was around, she unfolded the note, which contained a few short lines.First of all, the artist sincerely apologized to Bian Yinxuan for his disrespectful behavior that day, and secondly, he expressed his love to Bian Yinxuan and said that he wanted to make friends with her.Bian Yinhe was a little dazed after seeing it. She didn't have any feelings for artists, let alone like them.After calming down, she wrote back a note to the artist, saying that she was still young and didn't want to talk about friends.Not reconciled, the artist handed her a note again, asking how much she wanted to talk, and he could wait for her.Bian Yinhe plucked up his courage and wrote a note to the artist: Find someone else, I won't talk to you about friends.The artist didn't give up, and went to find Bian Yinxie himself, insisting on asking why.Bian Yinxi was a little annoyed, and said coldly: If you do this again, I will sue the leader.This sentence worked very well, and the artist didn't bother me anymore.

Two months later, Bian Yinhe became friends with a male student, Bai Yaming, who came in with her.Bai Yaming is one year older than Bian Yinkai, and was admitted to the drama troupe after graduating from high school.Like Bian Yinkai, his family has no literary and artistic background, and his parents are also ordinary workers.He was tall and straight, with a fair and handsome face, and a crisp voice. At that time, "butterflies" like him were the most popular, so he was successfully recruited by the theater troupe.Among the students of the troupe, and even among the actors of the whole troupe, Bian Yinxi and Bai Yaming were respectively recognized as the most beautiful among the actresses and the most handsome among the actors, and they were called golden boys and jade girls.They were praised so much, they couldn't help feeling connected with each other, admiring and recognizing each other.After getting acquainted with each other, they often stay together as companions when they arrive at the troupe. They feel more harmonious and agreeable when they get along and speak together than with anyone else.Later, on the way home with Bian Yinxuan, Bai Yaming expressed his desire to talk about "friends" with Bian Yinxuan.Bian Yinhe was willing in his heart, but he hesitated a little because the troupe had a rule that they were not allowed to fall in love during the trainee period.Bai Yaming smiled and said that they can talk in private, as long as no one knows about it.As he spoke, his two big eyes rolled around, as if encouraging Bian Yinkai.Bian Yinxuan nodded.

In fact, after they talked about being friends, there was no difference on the surface. The difference was that in their respective hearts, their mutual concern was locked on each other, and no one else could be allowed to join in. After they became regulars, they made their relationship public.People from all over the troupe and family members can't help being envious and proud when talking about them.They themselves are not proud, they hope that each of them can become a pillar in the future, only then will they feel that they are truly glorious.They were well-behaved, down-to-earth together, and not so unusual as one would imagine from their appearance: there would be romantic gestures, all kinds of tenderness, and whispers of love.Like the usual young lovers in life, they have no fancy forms, they communicate purely, care about each other, care about each other in their hearts and eyes, and are reserved and unassuming.When they are together, they rarely talk about their mutual love. When they talk about their love, most of their topics are inseparable from the troupe. They talk about the repertoire, the actors, the director, and the rehearsal tidbits. They always talk about them. For themselves, they encourage each other, and they will all conclude with admiration and praise that the other party will play the leading role on the stage soon.After talking too much, the two set a goal and said that they would get married when they both played the leading roles.However, year after year, Bian Yinxie did not play the leading role, nor did Bai Yaming. The drama is performed on the stage, so far away from the audience, so beautiful and handsome are not eye-catching on the stage. If you put on strong stage makeup, you can't see who has an image advantage over the other, the same.Therefore, for those who have no background, relying on their image is unreliable; relying on their level, they cannot be relied on. If there is no powerful role for you to play, where will there be opportunities to show it?There is no opportunity to show, and there is no opportunity to exercise, a vicious circle.Later, Bian Yinxi played a supporting role, thinking that there was a turning point, but it turned out to be the same as before; while Bai Yaming was always playing tricks.After a while, their original expectations became indifferent, and they put their minds on their love.

Unlike before, they were honest and honest together, they were too lazy to talk about things related to the troupe, and gave themselves all the time.They are passionate about getting along with themselves all day long, so as to comfort and support each other; they are like playing games, they are interested in going deep, they hug, touch, kiss, passionate, their physiological defenses are self-destructive .After such a leap, their contacts are much more substantial than before, and the time they spend together always seems to be a race against time. The days are so easy to pass, and they are so easy to pass.They don't want to play the leading role anymore, and their minds are on their own future life, saying that they will get married when the troupe can allocate a dormitory for them.The dormitory they were talking about was an old tube building of the troupe. The troupe’s house was tight, so it would be nice to give them a room in the tube building.Talking about such a trivial hope, they laughed, saying that outsiders always envy their actors, and their living conditions are not much worse than those of other units, so what are they envious of?Then again, not all actors have a poor life, it's the undeveloped actors like them who are reduced to such a state, once I said it, I fell silent, feeling that I was too ashamed of the envy of my family and outsiders.This kind of scene appeared when there was an opportunity, and it did not depend on their will.They are actors, and they cannot escape the pressure of being in a mediocre position.

Bian Yinhe was very lucky. In 1986, he was spotted by a director in Beijing and acted as the heroine in a movie. Later, he became famous.When Bai Yaming was proud along with him, he felt a little inferior in his heart, and would often half-joke to Bian Yinxie that he was not good enough for her.Bian Yinxi comforted him every time, saying that I am still me and will not change.In order to show Bian Yinkai's fame, the troupe allocated her a dormitory, saying that she shared it with Bai Yaming.Later, a theater troupe in Beijing wanted Bian Yinxuan. Considering Bai Yaming, Bian Yinxuan didn't want to transfer him.But Bai Yaming strongly supported her going to Beijing, saying that Beijing is a cultural center and a big stage for literature and art, so she must go!Bian Yinxuan asked them what they would do in the future, they couldn't live in two places.Bai Yaming said: You stand firm, find a way to transfer me.Bian Yinxi nodded and said "OK".They discussed that when Bai Yaming was transferred to Beijing, they would get married.However, half a year after being transferred to Beijing, Bian Yinxi broke up with Bai Yaming when he returned to Lanzhou to visit relatives during the Chinese New Year.This is an unexpected result.

Bian Yinxie didn't tell Bai Yaming when he returned to Lanzhou, because he wanted to give him a sudden surprise.On the morning of the second day after returning home, Bian Yinxi brought some Beijing specialties to Bai Yaming's house. He thought that the Chinese New Year was coming soon, and the troupe had no rehearsals, so Bai Yaming would definitely not stay in the troupe's dormitory.As a result, Bai Yaming's parents said that he has been living in the troupe and rarely lives at home.Bian Yinxi still thinks that Bai Yaming is strange. Don't you feel bored living alone in the dormitory?She put down her things and rushed to find Bai Yaming.She and Bai Yaming haven't seen each other for more than half a year, so she naturally misses him.Entering the dormitory building, the corridors on each floor were empty, as if no one was there.For a moment, Bian Yinxi felt sorry for Bai Yaming, thinking how lonely he was without her by his side; how indifferent the theater troupe in Lanzhou was compared to the theater troupe in Beijing.When I came to their door, I saw that the door was closed tightly, and a newly released movie poster was pasted on it.Instinctively, Bian Yinxuan took out the small mirror from the backpack and took a look at herself. When she looked in the mirror, she heard a woman's intoxicated panting from inside the door, and Bian Yinxuan froze for a moment. Look at the house number, there is nothing wrong.She stayed, not knowing what to do.There was no sound in the room, and she calmed down.She thought about it, but she didn't knock on the door. She didn't want to see the embarrassing appearance of the people inside, so let's save some face for them.But she must understand the situation.She came to the top, leaned against the heater, took out a cigarette from her bag, lit it and smoked it.Her eyes never left the door of the dormitory, and the dormitory was only three doors away from her position, so it was no problem to see clearly.She thought that this used to be the place where she came in and out, and it was also her dormitory, but now, she was locked out, which was a bit funny.While she was smoking her fifth cigarette, the door opened.A man and a woman came out neatly dressed. The man was Bai Yaming, and the woman was also an actor of the troupe. Bian Yinkai knew each other naturally. A mother who works as a cadre in the Cultural Agency.While locking the door, Bai Yaming asked the actress what they were going to eat?The actress said: Chongqing hot pot.They turned to leave, but Bian Yinkai stopped Bai Yaming.Bai Yaming and the actress were stunned.Soon, the actress reacted quickly, pretending to be okay, saying that she would not bother you, you can talk.Bian Yinxi didn't want to have any entanglement with her, so he let her go.

Bai Yaming admitted it frankly.It is said that he is like an actress, one is for his acting career, and the other is to solve his personal physical needs, killing two birds with one stone.Bian Yinxuan scolded him for being shameless, but he said that Bian Yinxuan was a prudish person. He didn't believe that she had kept herself clean and self-disciplined in Beijing for more than half a year.He also said that even if she is out of line, he doesn't care, he can understand; if he can understand her, she should understand him.Then he said that he is advancing his career and also for the future of himself and Bian Yinxuan. If he can play more starring roles, it will be easy for him to transfer to Beijing in the future.Bian Yinxie almost fainted when he heard his argument, but she didn't want to argue with him. She understood a person's heart, and there was no need to say anything. This is no longer a matter of accidental mistakes. It is impossible to change it, and it is unacceptable.When breaking up with Bai Yaming, Bian Yinxi hardly hesitated.

After Bian Yinkai was transferred to Beijing, he naturally contacted many more people than in Lanzhou, and the scope was also wider.In addition to the circle of literature and art, she also met many people from all walks of life. They all met in various activities and gatherings she attended.As Bai Yaming guessed, she was indeed surrounded by many men. Among those men, there were only a few who were not married and had no girlfriends. Most of them had families and girlfriends.No matter what they thought about Bian Yinxuan, Bian Yinxuan knew it well, if she had a boyfriend, she would never get involved in an emotional relationship with anyone, she was firm in her heart, so she had a certain degree of control.Some men who had the idea of ​​stealing sex with her stopped contacting her after being rejected by her.There are a few people who sincerely pursue her, both in the literary and art circles and beyond. No matter how good the other party's conditions are, she will bluntly tell her that she already has a boyfriend, so she will not consider it.Although there are many men around her, she has never had an extraordinary relationship with anyone.

After breaking up with Bai Yaming and returning to Beijing, Bian Yinxi had to adjust for a period of time before returning to his usual state.After all, she and Bai Yaming have been in love for more than eight years, and it's not something that can be completely forgotten in one step.Bian Yinxie was famous, but his personal feelings were a little turbulent, so he was known by others.Knowing that she was single, those who pursued her followed without interruption.There are many people chasing her, but not many people agree with her. It is not a matter of appearance. Bian Yinxie is not too demanding on her appearance. She is twenty-seven years old and has passed the age of falling in love with "Prince Charming". If you want to say that Bai Yaming is The appearance of "Prince Charming" can be superficial, and it is also poor and boring.What she wants is a man who is compatible with her, who is mature, steady, upright, kind, empathetic, knowledgeable, opinionated, and has a masculine heart.Speaking of which, the people who pursue her are all people with status, positions, careers, culture, and connections, but when they get in touch, they rarely agree. Not suitable anymore.Those people, it's not that they are bad or have any "problems", it's that she and them really don't have the rhythm of blending and converging, either you are fast and I am slow, or I am slow and you are fast, it is always the opposite, and it doesn't match.This is fate, she lacks fate with them.The more you associate, see more, and feel more, the more picky you are, the more you will be picky; the more picky you are, the more difficult it will be.Some friends persuaded Bian Yinhe that fate is cultivated for thousands of years, and people may not meet a destined person in several lives, let alone a lifetime; less than.Bian Yinxi shook his head and said: It's not that mysterious, fate is harmony and fit, it's very simple.She must wait for someone who is destined for her, and she believes that she will find it.

Before the Spring Festival in 1990, Bian Yinxi was the same as before. She wanted to go back to Lanzhou for the New Year.Before going back, she wanted to purchase generous gifts for her family and family members. Everyone in the family got a share, and members of the family got a share.This is the third Spring Festival she has been transferred to Beijing. On the first Spring Festival, she went back and bought a lot of things, which were distributed to her family and relatives. In addition, Bai Yaming's family also had a share; on the second Spring Festival, she had She didn't go back for the performance; she went back for the third time, of course she had to express her heart, it was not out of coping, it was what she wanted to express sincerely.

On that day, Bian Yinxi was shopping on the first floor of the Beijing Department Store. It was around two o'clock in the afternoon, and it was not a Sunday. There were not many people visiting, and most of them were tourists from other places in Beijing.Bian Yinkai was afraid of being recognized by others, so he wore brown plain glasses.There is heating in the building, which makes it warm and comfortable. Not long after Bian Yinxi came in, she took off her yellow down jacket. She carried a black leather bag across her shoulders, and put the down jacket on the shoulder bag, making her look chic and at ease.Her long hair was coiled up high, and her figure became more erect, making her overall more eye-catching than she wanted to be.Bian Yinkai only turned her own eyes, not looking at the surroundings, but there were always people around who wanted to look at her a few times.Bian Yinkai didn't look at people, and accidentally stepped on someone's foot while turning.After stepping on it, she was frightened, her body shook exaggeratedly, and she could only look at that person.It was a man in his thirties, tall and tall, wearing a gray trench coat with a large lapel.Bian Yinxi hurriedly smiled and apologized.The man also smiled, and it doesn't matter if he said two things.The man looks very heroic, with sincere and powerful eyes.After he finished speaking, he didn't take his eyes off Bian Yinya, and looked at her, as if he wanted to wait for Bian Yinya to say something more.Bian Yinkai smiled politely, dimples were deeply imprinted, then he turned his eyes away to the goods in the sales counter, continued to browse, and then walked away naturally.And the man's gaze followed Bian Yinxie's back until he could no longer see it. After going to the first floor, Bian Yinkai went up to the second floor. She wanted to buy a suitable sweater for her grandparents and parents respectively.Turning around, watching, I met the man just now, the two of them looked at each other and couldn't help but smile friendly, and naturally turned to each other.She said in her heart: What a coincidence.After buying woolen sweaters, Bian Yinxie went up to the third floor to buy a woolen scarf for each of the three sisters, and bought a men's hat for each of the three brothers-in-law on the fourth floor. to buy groceries.I bought a few catties of shrimp candies and chocolates, and I also bought a few boxes of Poria biscuits and two roast ducks.After buying so many things, her two hands are full, and she can't buy even if she wants to.Putting on the down jacket, she picked up her things and walked out.When they reached the door, they bumped into the man she had stepped on again. The two smiled friendly again, and then went their separate ways.Bian Yinxie thought to himself: What a coincidence again!The man followed Bian Yinya at a position slightly behind him, staring at Bian Yinya intently. Bian Yinya felt it from the corner of his eye, so he tried his best to look solemn and steady without looking sideways, and quickened his pace.At this time, she was afraid that the man would recognize her and ask her to sign something. It was a bit embarrassing for her to be signed by someone with a full load of things.But the man followed her footsteps, stretched out a hand, and said generously: "Let me carry some for you. Where are you going, I will send you off."Bian Yinkai glanced at the man politely, forced a smile, looked ahead and shook her head, saying no, she can do it herself.The man still stretched out his hand and said: It doesn't matter.Bian Yinhe stood down, looked at the man, and said with a smile: I'll just take a taxi on the side of the road, it's also convenient.thanks.The man still stretched out his hand and said: I have a car here, which is more convenient.Bian Yinxi was a little hesitant, and the man followed and said: Are you worried about me?Bian Yinhe shook his head.The man stretched his hand a step closer, and sincerely said "Come on", Bian Yincai couldn't resist his kindness, and handed the bag in one hand to the man, saying "Thank you". The man's car looks like a unit's car, with a driver on the car.In this way, Bian Yinxi felt more at ease.After getting into the car, Bian Yinkai told the driver where she lived and then stopped talking.The man sitting in the passenger seat was also silent.Bian Yinkai thought that it seemed that he didn't recognize her and was only helping her sincerely, so he had a good impression of him in his heart.When they arrived at the place, Bian Yinxuan got off the car, and the man also got off the car. He handed a business card in his hand to Bian Yinxuan, but Bian Yinxuan couldn't move his hand. The man took the things in her right hand, and Bian Yinxuan took the business card with his right hand. He looked at the business card and understood. man's identity.His name is Nanyang, and he works in the Department of Foreign Affairs of the Ministry of Economics and Trade. He is a civil servant.Bian Yinxie said "thank you", put the business card into her bag, and took out a business card of her own from the bag. She no longer hesitated, thinking that he was so honest, what else could she hide? .When Nanyang took the business card, he didn't have the surprise on his face as Bian Yinhe thought, but he was a little stunned. He looked at Bian Yinhe and said: You are an actor, but you look like one.Only then did Bian Yinkai know that people didn't know her "Bian Yinkai" at all, and felt that he was a little self-indulgent.In fact, she became famous in 1987. Since 1988, there is no opportunity to add fuel to her reputation, expand her reputation, and increase her momentum.It's normal for some people not to know her.Nanyang politely wanted to send Bian Yinxuan back to the dormitory, but Bian Yinxuan politely declined, and Nanyang refused to send him.He watched Bian Yinkai enter the gate, and when she turned a corner and was out of sight, he got into the car. The day before Bian Yinhe was going back to Lanzhou, Nanyang called her and said that he would treat her to dinner.Bian Yinkai was short of time, so he declined.Nanyang also said that he wanted to send her off, but Bian Yinxi felt that he had just met him, so he was embarrassed, so he also declined.On the other side of the phone, Nanyang's voice was full of regret and helplessness, and said softly: Why is it so unfortunate, blame me, just ask you out a few days earlier.Then he said: Then, we will see you when you come back.After finishing speaking, he didn't want to hang up the phone, as if he still had something to say, he remained silent over there.His silence made Bian Yinkai feel a premonition, which made her heart fluctuate and jump slightly.In an instant, she entered the feeling of Nanyang, causing a slight ripple.After hanging up the phone, part of Bian Yinxi's heart was taken away by Nanyang, and she stayed there for a while, before she came back to her senses, a burst of joy welled up in her heart.She hadn't returned to Lanzhou yet, so she was looking forward to returning to Beijing soon.There is an anticipation that awaits her. After the fifteenth day of the first lunar month, Bian Yinxie returned to Beijing.A week earlier than expected.On the way, she thought, maybe she was being self-indulgent again.But on the day he returned to Beijing, Bian Yinkai received a call from Nanyang.There is no telephone installed in Bian Yinxi's dormitory, and the telephone is in the reception room on the dormitory floor.The conveyer joked to Bian Yinhe that if you don't come back, our phone will be blown up by your boyfriend.Bian Yinxi smiled and said, he is not my boyfriend.The conveyance master shook his head and said with a smile: There is nothing embarrassing about having a boyfriend.Bian Yinxi smiled and did not explain.Nanyang's first sentence said that since he went to work on the seventh day of the Lunar New Year, he has called her twice every morning and evening, and now he finally heard her voice.The hope accumulated by Bian Yinhe coincided with Nanyang's eagerness, and the tacit understanding of this induction was enough to make her heart excited.On the phone, Nanyang said softly: We meet today.Bian Yinxie replied softly: OK. The meeting was scheduled at 5:30 p.m. at the famous "Ah Fu" Cantonese restaurant.When Bian Yinlai arrived on time, Nanyang had already arrived.Nanyang stood at the door and waited for Bian Yinhe. He was wearing a brown leather jacket, which looked taller than when he was wearing a windbreaker, and also highlighted his broad body.When Bian Yinhe saw him, he thought that he was more handsome and elegant than many male actors. He was not engaged in acting, which gave him a richer flavor that Bian Yinhe was not familiar with. He was unique and profound.Bian Yinkai didn't know anything about Nanyang, so he began to admire him.And to her, Nanyang felt the same way.After sitting down, Nanyang's appreciation for her was expressed in his words.He said that the first time he saw her, she caught his heart.Once they knew each other, he couldn't forget her.When he expressed it like this, Bian Yinkai knew that her previous speculation and wish were true; it was possible for them to enter the level of her imagination, and she had some expectation and yearning for that possibility.However, everything was just the beginning, and before the end came, she could only keep her impulsive mood in her heart; she talked to Nanyang with a silent smile. Nanyang didn't make it difficult for her, so he changed the subject, saying that when Bian Yinhe became famous, he was studying in England, and unfortunately he didn't "know" that she was a star.If he knew her then, he must be her admirer.Bian Yinxi smiled and said: What is there to admire about an actor.Nanyang said: I don't worship actors, I worship you.He looked at Bian Yinhe firmly, and said with some emotion: I believe that we have a kind of connection, an innate connection, which cannot be explained clearly, but is actually connected.As he spoke, he still turned to the words that silenced Bian Yinkai.But in Bian Yinxie's heart, she was already very excited. Nanyang's feeling was what she yearned for. It was their fate that they coincided with each other again.For Nanyang, she has already buried a bond of affection.Turning to the conversation, Nanyang smiled and asked Bian Yinxuan to guess his age, Bian Yinxuan also smiled, but asked him to guess how old she was first?Nanyang laughed and said: Women should keep their age a secret, especially for you actors.Bian Yinxie said: For you, you will know sooner or later.After all, his face burned a little, and he felt that his words were a little blatant.Nanyang nodded and said "yes".He guessed that Bian Yinxie was twenty-eight years old.Bian Yinxie said in amazement that his guess was really accurate.Nanyang looked at Bian Yinhe, and said seriously, he didn't guess, he knew from an introduction to her in the "New Stage" magazine seven years ago.He said that after getting to know her, he deliberately went to the library to check a lot of newspapers and magazines on theatrical stage, film and television, just to read about her, but only so early "New Stage" recorded her birth year.After hearing this, Bian Yinxuan was a little moved, thinking that he really cared about her from the very beginning. Bian Yinhe smiled and said "No wonder".Then, looking at Nanyang, thought for a while, and said: You are a year or two older than me. Nanyang pursed his lips and smiled, and said: Am I that young? Bian Yinxie asked: How old are you?Her face was calm, as if Nanyang said no matter how big she was, she would be prepared and not surprised. Nanyang raised his right hand and said: I am five years older than you. Bian Yinxie was really not surprised, and said with a smile: Actually, you just saw it, I didn't want to speculate like that.After calming down, she felt a little bit in her heart, not because of Nanyang's age, but because of a coincidence, her grandfather was five years older than her grandmother. Nanyang asked Bian Yinhe why she didn't tell her true guess? Bian Yinxi smiled, shook his head, and said: I don't know.She actually knows herself, she thinks, if Nanyang is in his thirties, it is a sensitive stage, and he should have a girlfriend or even a wife long ago, she doesn't want to know, she doesn't want him to be like this; she also I thought, in that case, he might not be so interested in calling her. Nanyang seemed to follow her mind and stopped talking. After that, they all wanted to try their best to talk about other topics, but they were not interested.They already know each other's social status, and it's not enough to gossip about the trivial things inside; chatting, in their place, can't help but seem out of place and a bit forced.The state of their mutual feelings makes them only enter their two closed independent spaces, facing each other, with a unique posture and a unique way of thinking, but they cannot let go, and when they speak out what they think, they feel and feel each other in silence. It goes without saying. During the meal, someone called Nanyang, and Nanyang went to use the restaurant's phone to answer the call, and sat back in his seat. Bian Yinxie asked Nanyang what was the matter?Nanyang nodded, shook his head again, and said "no hurry", but there was a thoughtful look on his face.After a while, Bian Yinxi sensiblely offered to leave, and Nanyang nodded.Call the waiter to pay the bill.Bian Yinkai fought to pay, but was stopped by Nanyang and said solemnly: Next time, don't do this again, it's like scolding me.Bian Yinhe nodded embarrassedly.Coming out of the restaurant, Nanyang took a taxi and wanted to take Bian Yinhe back first.Sitting in the car, Nanyang was silent, Bian Yinkai always wanted to say something, seeing Nanyang was silent, she followed suit.She is an introverted person in daily life. When interacting with people, she always stands in a passive position. When they arrived at the place, Bian Yinkai got off the car, and Nanyang followed.He said softly to Bian Yinkai: I will watch you go back.Bian Yinkai nodded like an obedient child, turned around and left. After walking a few steps, Nanyang called to stop Bian Yinhe, then stepped forward and looked at her, as if he had something to say.Bian Yinhe waited for him to speak and looked at him.Nanyang looked at her, his lips moved a little, but he seemed to withdraw his words.Suddenly, he opened his arms and hugged Bian Yinxuan.Bian Yinkai closed his eyes, thinking that he was going to express something to her.However, when Nanyang let her go, he only said "goodbye" to her.Bian Yinfei faintly felt that Nanyang had a kind of "indecisive" mentality towards her, unable to grasp, unable to decide; why, she didn't know, but she could feel that it was definitely not his personal will, as if there was some force manipulating him.At the same time, she also felt that in Nanyang's heart, he was trying to surpass. Bian Yinxie replied "goodbye", turned around and left silently.Nanyang looked at her figure affectionately. As they walked, Bian Yinkai really wanted to turn around to meet Nanyang's affectionate gaze.At this moment, based on her feeling, she has fallen in love with this deep, stable, calm but affectionate man. In the days that followed, Bian Yinkai missed this man Nanyang.When she opened her eyes every morning, the first thing she could think about was Nanyang; when she thought of Nanyang, she thought Nanyang must give her a call.He used to call her every day, and now he knows it even more.However, day by day passed, and there was no call from Nanyang day by day.In a flash, more than half a month passed.Bian Yinhe's hopeful heart was a little haggard.She thought they might be over, for reasons she didn't want to think about, not thinking about, because they hadn't started in the first place.While she was thinking, she was looking forward to it. The fulcrum of her hope was the "next time" he said when she was not asked to pay at the restaurant Nanyang. When he said "next time", it meant that he wanted to have a next time.She thought that what he said was what he wanted to do; there was always no call from him, and she thought there would be no more calls.All day long, Bian Yinkai was entangled and split in contradictions; but it was difficult to break them apart.She couldn't wait any longer, so she decided to change her passive position and contact Nanyang proactively. In this way, one day, she called Nanyang, feeling uneasy.What is disturbing is that there may be other accidents in Nanyang. Nanyang soon came calling.On the phone, Nanyang stumbled a bit. He said that he really wanted to call her, but he was busy.This is not a convincing reason, but Bian Yinkai nodded and said that she knew.Nanyang hesitated and said that he would ask her to meet again when he had time, and then he would call her again.Bian Yinhe was almost disappointed, she already felt something wrong from Nanyang's tone, she didn't know why it happened, she was very sad.After hanging up the phone, she thought, the original hope was just a dream.When she walked out of the reception room with heavy steps, the phone rang, and the receptionist held up the phone and called her back.She thought it was someone else calling, but she didn't want to answer it yet.The call was from Nanyang. Nanyang changed his low and hesitant tone on the phone and said firmly: We will meet today!Following his state, Bian Yinhe instinctively said "Okay", as if he didn't understand it, and he didn't ask anything later, he listened to Nanyang and agreed to Nanyang.After hanging up the phone, Bian Yinxi suddenly felt moved. Nanyang felt her mood so much and made a decision because of her. This was his induction and his infatuation. Their fate had returned.Unable to help, her eye sockets became moist. They meet again for dinner.Like last time, they didn't talk about other topics, just looked at each other, laughed at each other, gave each other food; their eyes lingered on each other.This went on for a while, Nanyang broke his intoxication and asked a question that Bian Yinxuan didn't want to hear.Nanyang said: I am thirty-three years old, have you ever thought that I will be married? Bian Yinxie felt that something was coming, and his heart was pounding.She turned her head to the side, not looking at Nanyang, and said: What do you want to say, go ahead. Nanyang stretched out his hand to hold Bian Yinhe's hand on the table, and said with firm eyes: I'm engaged, but I'm in love with you! Bian Yinxi was neither surprised nor surprised, everything was expected.She was a little bewildered. Nanyang held her hand tightly and said: Give me time, everything will eventually become clear!I have made countless choices in my heart, I have already decided, everything is not a problem.let us start. Bian Yinkai shed tears, excited, moved, sad, helpless, disappointed, and regretful.She couldn't comment. She didn't make a statement, and Nanyang didn't pursue it.Until he got up to leave, Bian Yinkai didn't give Nanyang an answer.They were silent with each other.No one knows what to say.The atmosphere is solidified and reserved. Like last time, Nanyang took a taxi to take Bian Yinkai back first, and when he arrived at the place, Bian Yinkai got off again, and Nanyang followed.The difference is that Nanyang paid the fare, called a taxi and left. The two faced each other, and Bian Yinkai said goodbye first.Nanyang looked at Bian Yinhe pleadingly, and said: You haven't answered me yet. Bian Yinkai lowered his head and said softly: I don't know how to answer.Then he looked up at Nanyang and said: Give me time, I will think about it.Nanyang nodded and said: Okay, I'll wait.Bian Yinxie said goodbye again, turned around and left. After walking a few steps, Nanyang called Bian Yinhe again, and like last time, stepped forward and hugged her.Then, kiss her and say "I love you" deeply and affectionately.After calming down, Bian Yinxie gently broke free from Nanyang's arms, and said "goodbye" again.Nanyang nodded helplessly.Bian Yinkai turned around and left.Nanyang sent each other with eyes again.His eyes are still affectionate. Bian Yinkai's pace was slow and hesitant. Suddenly, she stopped, turned around, met Nanyang's gaze, and after a while, she walked in front of Nanyang and threw herself into his arms.Nanyang hugged her tightly.Bian Yinkai closed his eyes and bit out four words: Go to my place!Nanyang hugged her vigorously and said: Good! 这个夜晚，卞银薿和南洋跨越了一切，用心用情地联系在了一起。他们入情入意，感动、激情，忘乎所以；他们是不能分开了。黑夜沉入了宁静，他们的心融入了永恒。 也是在这个夜晚，卞银薿知道了南洋的故事。 南洋的未婚妻叫丹娜，是某歌舞团的歌唱演员。丹娜的父母是高干。南洋是山东人，1979年从工厂考进了本地的大学，他学的是经济专业，毕业分配到了市政府经改办。他工作努力，聪明好学，表现优秀，在单位是被重视的青年骨干。1985年，他在北京参加的一个全国经济改革的会议上，认识了丹娜的父亲，丹娜的父亲当时是作为领导来出席会议的。会后的餐桌上，丹娜的父亲特意来到南洋那桌儿，与他们那桌人聊了片刻，尤其问了南洋一些个人的情况，南洋当时没有结婚，没有女朋友。会后，有人找到南洋，说要给他介绍一个对象，就是丹娜。原来是丹娜的父亲看上了他，觉得他既有外貌，又聪敏，大有培养发展前景的。来人说如果他们合适，他不久就能被调进北京。南洋说合适他就谈。于是见了丹娜。丹娜比他小六岁，音乐学院毕业，刚刚分进歌舞团。她人长得小巧清秀，爱说爱笑，南洋谈不上对她一见钟情，却也不反感，就说同意接触。南洋回到山东之后，他们的接触就以书信和电话往来了。南洋虽然学的是经济专业，但他有文采，书信言谈中用词出语不凡的，叫丹娜一开始就迷上了他那浪漫的气息，中间，丹娜特意去了两次山东，与南洋进一步有了接触。南洋举止大气，悟事懂事，待人温存，加上他有学识长相俊朗，丹娜很快就爱上了他。南洋对丹娜，谈不上有爱，却也没有对立成分，加上他年龄也不小了，是父母、家人规劝他最有力的理由了，本身，丹娜的条件摆在那儿，人家是不差他什么的。他就接受了和丹娜的恋爱。很快，他就被调进了北京，调到了经济贸易部。不久，就和丹娜订了婚，领了结婚证，但婚礼拖后举行。当年没有举行婚礼，是丹娜父母另有考虑，是想先叫南洋专心打下坚实的事业基础。为了南洋有更大的发展资本，进了经贸部半年后，南洋就被公派去了英国留学。去年才学成归来。他和丹娜的婚礼，是定在今年的五一节举行。离现在还有两个月。 遇到卞银薿，对南洋来说是个意外收获。他说他的身份虽然是公务员，可他骨子里是向往浪漫和完美的，这是他与生俱来的，如果不是这样，他是不会拖到二十八岁还在打独身，给了丹娜机会。他说第一次与卞银薿相见之后，心情就无法平静了，他每天都是坐卧不宁的。卞银薿的形象总是在他脑中萦绕、缠绵，他对她的欣赏是本能是感性，是无法解释的。他想，他是对卞银薿一见钟情了。这是他有生以来从未有过的感觉和体验，也是难得的。他无法平静，无法控制，才极度地想见卞银薿第二面。他原本想见她第二面，是为了抑制他的感性，叫他能够理性一些，但是，适得其反，他是更加割舍不下了。现实的压力，叫他抉择得身心俱疲，他要崩溃，要退缩，但是卞银薿的寻呼使他坚定了感觉，他想他们的心灵是相通在一起，能够相互感应的。他不能失去机会，是无法再犹豫了。 南洋没有犹豫，很快就向丹娜提出了离婚，坦陈了自己。这个变故对丹娜打击是巨大的。她先是痛哭，再是闹骂，最后又归于平静。平静下来，她执意地要知道要见到丈夫深恋上的人，说是要见见那到底是什么人，魅力那么大，如果是像丈夫说的那么动人，她认了，成全他们。南洋自然不能叫她知道卞银薿。丹娜就说那就不离婚。南洋说，我对你没爱情、没感情，其实在你面前就是个空躯壳了，你陪着一个空躯壳过下去是对你的毁灭，你还年轻，趁年轻，你有的是重新寻找爱情的机会。丹娜听了又是痛哭大吵一场，说南洋想轻松离婚是做梦。南洋坚定地想，丹娜不离，他也要坚持离下去，哪怕，他要耗到他们两年不同房的时间，等到无条件的“自动”离。最终，丹娜在她父母的劝说下同意了离婚。她的父母知道后，先是对南洋一顿痛责，责备之后，对女儿说，他这样风流的人，也是不能要的，“出轨”是早晚的。丹娜同意离婚后，怨怼父母说：成也你们，败也你们！父母叹口气说：这是命里安排的，没办法。 离婚前，丹娜的父母先是收回了送给南洋的好处。一天，单位领导找他谈话，说他们这里人员需要精减，他自己联系单位调出去吧。南洋想了想，说：不需要麻烦，我这就辞职。他说到做到，马上就写了辞职报告。自然很快就被批准了。从此，他就不捧金饭碗了。 对南洋的辞职，卞银薿没有遗憾、担忧，她相信凭南洋的学识和能力，他在某个领域立足不成问题。她安慰南洋，有她在，他就踏心吧，他何时找到工作，她都不在乎。南洋像个孩子似的，乖乖地嗯了声。而他心里是急切盼望着他四面联系的朋友给他早些带来有合适工作的消息，他一个大男人的，当然不能整天地待在家里。同时，他就像卞银薿相信他的能力一样是自信的，他不为未来忧虑。他和卞银薿商量，等他工作稳定下来，他们就结婚。半个多月后，南洋就有了工作，去了一家股票交易所，在管理高层任职。他就忙了起来。 离婚后，原来的房子自然归了丹娜。南洋就住到了卞银薿那儿。卞银薿的房子是剧团分给她的一居室，不大却很温馨，成了南洋的新家。似乎是老天爷的有意安排，南洋没有工作的那半个多月，也叫卞银薿清闲了下来，那一段，卞银薿的剧团没有排练演出安排，也没有影视剧组来找她拍摄。他们可以专心一意地待在一起，这成全了他们两个经历波折、考验的情人，也是给了他们充分考验他们情感是否可靠的时间。 他们是经得起考验的。他们彼此通融，甘心谦让；他们吃能吃到一起，说能说到一起，笑能笑到一起，感受能感受到一起，心疼能心疼到一起，关怀能关怀到一起；他们的感觉、感受、爱好、秉性是那么的相似；他们和谐、快乐。那是一段令他们沉醉、忘情的日子。他们一起上街购物，一起做饭一起吃，一起收拾屋子，一起看电视，一起说笑，几乎形影不离。做事间，谈笑间，只要他们目光凝视到一起，他们就忍不住要紧紧拥抱，深深亲吻；只要身体接触在一起，他们就控制不住，激情随时点燃，彼此投入、沉迷，一心一意，燃烧的力量坚硬、绵长；他们对感情有着相同的向往与依赖，他们的每一次都是一种感觉，一种感受，却又是百感不厌，永远像新鲜的体验，令他们沉入、惊喜、动情。那个时候，仿佛一切都不存在，他们的心灵和身体是真正的合二为一了。 那一段时间，他们的爱恋，他们的情感，被紧紧地锁住了，向将来，向永远。 之后的日子，他们难有那么一段连续在一起的时间了。他们开始了各自的工作，忙了起来。 南洋去股票交易所上班后的一个星期，卞银薿被借到了一个电影剧组，饰演女主角。电影的拍摄外景地在广西，卞银薿一去就是三个多月。卞银薿与南洋分开的日子，对他们是难挨的，他们彼此思念连心，就以频繁的电话去寄托。等到再次相聚，他们又是炽恋相依。这种场面，之后的日子，他们循环往复，枝枝节节都不变的。 他们在一起后，一切都是相辅顺利的，他们齐头并进。一年后，一家美国的公司公开招聘驻中国的业务总监，南洋以自己出色的表现被公司录用，公司给了他优厚的待遇：给他配了手机；月薪是他在股票交易所的两倍之多；分给了他一套公寓住房，位置是在有名的外国人居住的公寓区，那儿环境幽雅，设施齐全，这样，他和卞银薿就有了两个家，轮流欢聚。公司出钱，叫他学会了开车，他取得驾驶执照后，公司给他配了一辆白色的捷达轿车，他成了北京当时少有的开轿车上班的人。而卞银薿，因和南洋在一起时主演的电影，上映后掀起反响，她作为主演自然跟着起来声势，这是她继1987年成名后演艺事业上的又一次高峰了。他们的转折、发展，令人叹羡，人们称道起来，玄妙地解释为是他们完美、合适、相爱组合的应当，天意、命该的。 按照他们原来的约定，他们是该结婚了。但是，他们好的发展势头，也给他们增加了忙碌的势头。卞银薿片约不断，活动不断；南洋事务不断，应酬不断，他们都是行不由衷，身不由己，他们两个在一起享受的时间都是寸金般的，结婚的时间就是腾不出来，他们的婚期就一拖再拖。1993年春，卞银薿怀孕了，他们繁忙，又没有结婚，就做掉了孩子。 他们的感情始终如一，他们在一起的时间越少，他们就越加珍视他们的感情；他们的感情专一不二，目中无他，他们的世界只能放得下他们两个，他们彼此不约而同。他们的感情是火，火势大小有时，火种却是永不熄灭的。 1994年冬，圣诞节前夕，南洋如往年一样，要回美国公司总部述职。以往的时候，不巧合，卞银薿都有戏缠身，没有去机场送过南洋。但是，这一次这一天，她是清闲的，她当然要去送南洋。已经考了驾照的卞银薿开着南洋的白色捷达，送南洋去机场。到了机场，她与南洋手拉着手，陪着他办完了一项又一项的手续，最后，南洋要安检进入候机厅。他们看了看表，觉得还有些时间，他们就想再多待在一起一会儿。卞银薿靠进南洋的怀中，南洋拥着她，时不时，他们会轻轻地相吻一下，然后默默地看着对方，静静地享受他们相互散发出的丝丝爱意。到了时间，南洋进了安检口，卞银薿看着他，直到他的背影消失。 卞银薿万万没有想到，在机场她看着南洋的最后背影，竟然是南洋在她眼前的最后一眼。南洋去美国一个星期后，出了意外，他在美国境内所乘坐的一架内线航班，飞机在起飞不久失控坠毁，机上无一人生还。卞银薿听到这个消息，当即晕倒。 南洋的离世，对卞银薿的打击是致命的，她什么也做不下去了，已经拍了一半的电视剧，她中途退出。待在家里，整天她呆滞滞的，眼泪一遍遍地流，流不尽似的。她没有跟着南洋的家人和南洋公司的人，去机场迎接南洋的骨灰。她不想相信事实，看到事实；她要将事实，虚幻了再虚幻，化为虚无。她幻想归幻想，现实在眼前，又是摆脱不了的。屋子里的每一角落都留下了南洋曾经的身影，南洋过去和她在一起的点滴景象，让她忍不住地想念、怀念、思念，想起来她心痛得要撕裂、粉碎，尤其想起她去年做掉的孩子，她就后悔得要崩溃。她想不通，老天爷为什么要变脸，给了她南洋，又收了回去；给了她幸福欢乐，又叫她空欢喜一场。曾经说她和南洋是天意组合的人，还是说，是天意，说老天爷也有嫉妒的心，她和南洋好得叫老天爷嫉妒了。卞银薿痴痴地说：不公平，为什么只叫南洋走，应该是我陪着南洋一起走。听的人，咂了下嘴，却还是羡慕的。 南洋离世的阴影，过了两年，卞银薿才有所摆脱，那时，她已经三十五岁了。在那两年中，她是拒绝任何男人的追求和任何人给她介绍对象的。摆脱并不是忘却，当她试着接受新的追求者的时候，每每，她不由得总要想起南洋，以南洋的外形、气质、谈吐、微笑、话语、动作作了参照，这样，是难有能取代南洋的男人了。同事朋友就劝她说，是不能对比的，人和人没有一样的。卞银薿茫然地说：我心里永远有他，我无法磨灭。