Chapter 15 14

When Jingqiu arrived at the bus station, she bought her ticket and went to the toilet to change into a new smock.She estimated that the third child would be waiting for her at the station, so she had to change early so that he could see her wearing the cloth clothes he bought for the first time today.She should try her best to meet his requirements, not to mention that he asked her to wear it for him to see, even if he asked her to take it off for him, she would definitely take it off for him. Sure enough, the third child was waiting for her at the bus station, wearing his black woolen clothes, but with a military overcoat over it.If she hadn't known that he was ill, she wouldn't have known that he was a person "waiting to die" at all.She decided not to mention his illness, not to mention a word, and pretended not to know, so as not to make him feel sad.

He saw her, walked over quickly, took the bag in her hand, and said repeatedly: "Put it on? It's so beautiful, your hands are so fast, it's done in one go? You should really do it." Clothier---" She didn't want him to carry the backpack for her, for fear that he would be tired, but she realized that if she didn't let him carry the backpack, it meant that she was treating him as a patient, so she let him carry it.He didn't dare to hold her hand, but he got very close to her. When passing by a store, he asked her to go to the window, pointed to her in the window glass and said, "Isn't it beautiful?"

What she saw was the two of them, he was slightly sideways, smiling, very healthy and young.She had heard people say that if you looked through the glass and saw a skull on someone's head, it meant that person was dying.She looked carefully, but didn't see the skull on the third child's head.She turned her head to look at his person again, it was indeed very healthy and young.She thought maybe the county hospital was really wrong, a small county hospital, what does it know about leukemia and black blood? He asked: "You---go back to the farm tomorrow?" Seeing her nodding, he said happily, "Then you---can you stay here for a day and a night?"

She nodded again.He smiled and said, "I took another nap and asked Nurse Gao from the hospital to borrow her dormitory. You can sleep there tonight." He took her to the largest department store in the county and bought some towels. Toothbrush washbasin and so on, as if she was going to live there for the rest of her life.Then I went to the fruit store to buy fruit, and to the grocery store to buy snacks.She doesn't stop him from buying anything, and lets him buy whatever he wants. After buying a lot, he said: "Let's take these things back first, and then I will take you wherever you want to play. Do you want to go to the movies?"

She shook her head, she didn't want to go anywhere, she just wanted to stay with him.Seeing that he was dressed more than the average person, she thought that he was sick and afraid of the cold, so she said, "Didn't you say you borrowed someone else's dormitory? Let's go there to play, it's cold outside----" "Would you—would you like to go—to see that hawthorn tree?" She shook her head again: "Forget it, it's not blooming now, and I still have to go so far, let's go later--" Seeing that he didn't say a word, she suddenly wondered, did he know that he was going to die soon, and wanted to live in the same place in his lifetime? Fulfill his promise?She felt shuddering, glanced at him carefully, and found that he was looking at her too.

He turned his face to the side and said, "You're right, let's go later, when it blooms." He suggested a few more places, but she was not interested, so she insisted: "Let's go to that nurse's dormitory and sit down, it will be warmer." The two of them returned to the hospital, and he took her to Nurse Gao's dormitory. On the second floor, it was a small room with a single bed covered with white sheets like those used in hospitals. The kind used in the ward, white cover, covered with bed cotton. He explained: "Nurse Gao lives in the county seat. She only used it when she was on the night shift. She rarely slept here. She changed everything on the bed yesterday and it was clean."

Seeing only one chair in the room, she sat down on the bed.He hurriedly went to wash the fruit, turned on the water, and after a while, sat down on the chair and peeled the fruit for her to eat.She saw the scar on the back of his left hand, which was about an inch long, and she asked, "Is that from last time?" He looked at the back of his left hand following her line of sight, and said, "Well, isn't it ugly?" "It's not ugly. Your quick hands and feet that time--" "It was because of the cut that the hospital over there notified me to go for an examination----" He seemed to realize that he had slipped his tongue, stopped immediately, and changed his words, "Notify me to change the medicine. With this scar, I will It's like having a mark, so you won't get lost. What mark do you have? Tell me, I--so I can find you."

She wants to ask, where to find me?But she didn't dare to ask, but a scene popped up in her mind, which she often dreamed about, where he and she were groping around in a fog, looking for each other everywhere.She didn't know why, she couldn't say his name when she wanted to call him, and she couldn't see things clearly, they were all blurry.And he always called "Jingqiu, Jingqiu" somewhere, and every time she followed the voice to find him, she only saw his back, shrouded in mist. She suddenly realized that was what happened after they died, and felt her nose sore, she quickly took a deep breath and said, "There is a red birthmark in the bush of my hair, it's on the back of my head, it's hidden by the hair-- "

"Can I see it?" he asked. She let out her braids and showed him the birthmark.He brushed her hair back with his hands and looked at her for a long time.She turned around and saw his eye circles were red, she hurriedly asked, "What's the matter?" He said: "It's nothing. I have had many dreams, but they are always covered by clouds and mist, and I can't see them clearly. When I see someone whose back looks like you, I call out 'Jingqiu, Jingqiu', but when others look back, they find- --It's not you----" He smiled, "In the future, when I know how to find you, just--pull your hair to see----if there is any birthmark----"

She asked: "Why do you always call me 'Jingqiu'? We like to call me by my nickname here, not my full name---" "But I like the name 'Jingqiu'. Hearing this name, even if I have one foot in the grave, I will pull my foot back to see you----" She felt her nose sore again, and turned her head to look elsewhere. He was silent for a while, then said, "Tell me stories about your childhood, tell me about your life on the farm---I want to hear everything." She told him stories about her childhood and about the farm.She also wanted him to tell her stories about his childhood and stories about his hometown.That day seemed to be spent on speaking. At noon, I ate lunch in the hospital cafeteria. In the evening, the two of us went out to a restaurant for dinner.After eating, because it was getting late and there were no people outside, the two held hands and wandered around the county town.When I returned to Nurse Gao's dormitory, it was already dark.He brought a few bottles of boiling water and asked her to wash her face and feet.

He went out for a while, and she washed it quickly, but she didn't know where to pour the water, so she waited for him to come back so she could ask him.After a while, he came back with a spittoon like that used in hospitals, and said that there is no toilet in this building, so you can use this at night.She blushed, thinking that he must have heard her tell the story of carrying an ax to the bathroom on the farm, and knew that she would need to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. He picked up her foot-washing water and walked outside, and she called him anxiously: "Hey, hey, that's me---the water for washing feet---" He stopped and asked, "What's the matter? You want more? I'll wash it up after I spill it---" She said: "No, it's - the men here are unhappy - pouring water for washing the women's feet -, useless -" He laughed: "Do you still believe this? I don't want anything, as long as I can pour water for washing your feet for the rest of my life." Then, he went outside, and after a while, he came back with an empty basin. He entered the door, closed it, and asked, "Why don't you hurry up and sit under the quilt? Stand there with bare feet, and you'll get cold after a while." He opened the quilt, spread it on the bed, and asked her to sit in it.After thinking about it, she climbed onto the bed with her clothes on, sat on the head of the bed, and covered her legs and feet with the quilt. He moved the chair to her bed and sat down.She asked, "Where did you sleep today?" "I'm going back to the ward to sleep." She hesitated for a moment and asked, "Can you --- don't go back to the ward tonight?" "If you tell me not to go back, I won't go back." The two chatted for a while, and he said: "It's getting late, you go to sleep, you are tired from driving today, and you will have to drive and walk again tomorrow, go to bed early." "how about you?" "It doesn't matter if I sleep or not, anyway, I can sleep during the day----" She took off her coat, leaving only her sweater and trousers, and got under the quilt to lie down. He covered her with the quilt, patted her through the quilt, and said, "Sleep, I'll watch over you." He sat down on the chair and covered his body with the military overcoat. It was the first time she had spent the night in a room with a man, but she didn't seem afraid.It seems that what Chairman Mao said made sense: "The Chinese are not afraid of death, but are they afraid of difficulties?" Now that she is even prepared to die, what else is there to be afraid of?What other people say is their business.She doesn't care even if others say her mouth is crooked. But she was afraid to ask him that question. She really wanted to ask if he had leukemia. If so, she would go to the farm tomorrow and talk to Director Zheng before returning to take care of him.If he really just had a cold, she'd better go back to work on the farm and come see him when she was on vacation. All day today, she failed to ask this sentence. 42 Jingqiu closed her eyes, but she didn't fall asleep, her mind was always thinking about when to ask the third child that question. She secretly opened her eyes to see if he was asleep.As soon as he opened his eyes, he saw him looking at her with tears in his eyes.Seeing her suddenly open her eyes, he immediately turned away, found a towel to wipe her eyes, and explained: "Just now --- remembering ------ in <<White-haired Girl>> ---, Xi'er Asleep, Yang Bailao---singing 'Xi'er, Xi'er, you are asleep, you don't know---your father and I owe money----'" He couldn't sing anymore.She ran out from under the quilt, hugged him, and said in a low voice, "You -- tell me, do you -- have -- leukaemia?" "Leukemia? Who-- said that?" "Changfang said---" He seemed surprised: "She-- said? She--" "No matter who said it, you tell me, I want to know--, you keep it from me, I'm even more--uneasy, I almost got hit by a car while walking. You tell me the truth, I'll- ---know what to do--" He thought for a long time, finally nodded, and the tears flowed out again.She helped him wipe away his tears, and he apologized and said, "I don't look like a man, do I? As you said, men don't like to cry." She explained: "What I'm talking about is--men are not happy--crying in front of outsiders--I'm not an outsider--" "I---I'm not afraid of death, I just---I don't want to die, I want to be with you every day---" She comforted him and said: "We will be together, I will not leave you alone --- go, I will go with you ---, no matter in which world, I will be with you, you do not be afraid---" He was stunned: "What are you talking about? Don't talk nonsense. I have never dared to tell you the truth, just because I was afraid that you would be like this -- messing around, messing around. I don't want you -- come with me. You live, I shall not die; but if you--die, I--really--die. Do you understand? Do you hear?" "I understand, 'When you die, I die', so I'm going with you," she said. He was anxious: "I want you to live well, live for the two of us, and help me live. I will see the world through your eyes and feel the world through your heart. I want you to get married, have children, The two of us live on the child, and the child has the child, and we will never die. This is how life goes on from generation to generation--" She asked, "We -- will -- have children?" "We won't have it, but you will -- you will, as I have -- you'll live a long, long time, you'll -- get married, be a -- mother --, And then do---Grandma, you will have children and grandchildren---, many years later, you---tell your descendants---I, you---don't say my name---only Just say it's someone you----loved------. I----just thought of----that day----then I have the courage to---face--- -Now---.Thinking about that day, I feel that I--just-- go to another--place--go--there--see you--happy to live--" He found that she was running out of the quilt in only a sweater and trousers, and quickly said, "Go back under the quilt, be careful of catching a cold----" She got back under the quilt and said to him, "You---come under the quilt too---" He thought for a while, took off his coat, and only wore a sweater and wool trousers, got under the quilt, stretched out an arm to her, and let her sleep on it.Both of them trembled a little, and he said, "Don't be afraid, I---can't---do anything---" She was lying in his arms, pillowed on his arm, and heard his heart beating fast and loudly. She asked, "Is your heart going to jump out of your throat again?" "Well, I -- didn't expect -- to sleep in the same bed with you, I thought -- never in this life -- had this chance --" He turned sideways and hugged her tightly , "I really want to be able to do this every day." "me too." "I'm like this - hold you - can you sleep?" Seeing her nodding, he said, "then you--sleep, sleep peacefully--" She tried to sleep, but couldn't, and buried her head against his neck, "reading" his face with her hands.He suddenly asked, "Do you—want to see—what a man—is like? I mean—do you want to see what I am? If you want to see—I'll give it to you Look----" She asked: "Have you --- seen it for others?" Seeing him shaking his head, she asked again, "Have you --- seen --- a woman?" He shook his head again, and said mockingly, "Maybe he'll die forever---" After finishing speaking, he began to fumble under the quilt to take off his clothes, saying as he took them off, "I'll show you, but don't be afraid-" --, I won't --- do anything, I just want to --- fulfill a wish ---" He threw the clothes out of the quilt one by one, then took her hand and put it on his chest: "Look with your hands----" He took her hand and moved it on his chest, "I'm ---Aren't you too skinny?" He put her hand on his belly, and then let go, "You --- take your time ---" She didn't dare to move, knowing that the man's thing was at the bottom. She had seen the little boy's, and they never shy away from others when they peed. a parabola.She also saw that thing of an adult man on a map of acupuncture points, but she didn't dare to look closely. Seeing that she was not moving, he took her hand again and moved it down. She touched his body hair and asked in surprise: "Do men also grow hair?" She remembered the acupuncture point map The man above is hairless and naked. He smiled: "Do you think only girls grow up?" She was even more surprised: "How do you know the girl's long---?" "This is common sense, it's also in the book---" He let her hand press on his hot and hard place. She asked in panic: "You---have a fever? Are you swollen?" He shook his head and said as if moaning: "You --- don't be afraid, I'm fine, it can do this, it means that I --- won't --- die yet. You --- hold it, it-- --like you---hold it---" She held it, her hand was so small that she could only hold a part of it, she squeezed it lightly, it receded, and he trembled.She said: "It doesn't seem to like me -- holding it, always backing away --" "It--likes, it's not retreating, it's jumping--. Do you remember--that time--swimming in the river? I saw--you in a bathing suit-- It became--so, I--afraid you--saw it, so I had to hide in--the water--" She seemed to understand a lot of things at once, and asked him: "Then---when you carried me--- across the river, did it---become like this?" , "But I didn't wear a --- bathing suit that day, how could it --" He smiled, suddenly hugged her tightly, kissed her all over the face, and said to her as if frantically: "I just need to touch you, look at you, think of you, and it will be like this--catch It, hold on to it, don't be afraid--" Before she could figure out what he was talking about, she felt a heat in her hand, and he seemed to be twitching.She thought she must have squeezed too tightly, she wanted to let go, but was caught by his hand and couldn't let go.She had no choice but to hug him with the other hand, and found that his back was covered with sweat like rain.She asked anxiously: "Are you -- are you okay? Are you -- are you feeling bad? Do you want to call a doctor?" He shook his head, and after a while, he said in a low voice: "I'm fine --- I'm fine ---, I just flew --- the sky --- Paradise --- once, you let me I fly----, with you--I just--want to fly-----. I really want--fly with you--but---my wings ----Broken----I can't fly with you for a long time----" He took a towel and wiped her hand, "Do you feel disgusting? Don't be afraid----It's not dirty, it's ----things for making little dolls--" She also found a pillow towel and wiped his back and body. She felt that "it" was the main switch of the faucet on his body. After pinching it a little, he was covered in sweat and even the quilt was wet.She turned the quilt over and stretched out one arm to make him a pillow as he had just done.He bowed and lay in her arms, looking exhausted.Seeing that his hair was wet with sweat, she knew that his flying must have made him very tired, so she hugged him distressedly and let him sleep.Listening to his even and slight snorting, she also fell asleep. After sleeping for a while, she woke up with heat, and he in her arms was like a stove.She thought, it's really good for two people to sleep, usually sleeping alone is always not warm, and I can't even straighten my feet.Now she feels very hot all over her body, and the sweater and trousers feel like needles are piercing her everywhere, and the vest-style bra she wears makes her very uncomfortable.Her mother taught her to unbutton her bra when she was sleeping, saying that too much restraint would cause breast cancer.She wanted to take off her sweater and trousers, and unbuttoned her bra, but she was hesitating for fear of waking him up, so he opened his eyes and asked, "Are you---didn't sleep?" "I fell asleep, woke up from the heat, and wanted to take off my sweater." She fumbled to take off her sweater and asked, "Do you---want to see me? Didn't you say---you haven't seen---female Didn’t you say that you would—be dead forever? I—will show you—"