Chapter 19 Chapter Nineteen

For the sake of concubine, this is the second time I went to Guanziling in Zhenguan—the first time I came was in the fifth grade of elementary school; there were forty-seven students in the class, led by the teacher, and everyone had four or five tables of fast meals, and they slept separately in the male bedroom. , female Zen room, later because there were too many boys, they lived in Daxian Temple, and the girls stayed in Biyun Nunnery; twelve years old is the age when you need to understand, but you don’t understand it very well. , shoe tips, skirts, and table corners all have to be blown with your mouth to be considered disinfected; however, when you reach the mountain, you are the one who carries the water bottle for me and I cut the bamboo stick for you, so there is no suspicion between the two.

Zhenguan can no longer imagine what he looked like when he was twelve years old—so along the way, when he met boys, girls and children who went to the mountains to collect firewood, he couldn't help asking how old they were; People, ask her what she looks like again. Among the female relatives in the family, except for grandma, only her eldest sister-in-law has never had her hair permed from the beginning to the end. Everyone may encourage her to go, but she only said: I am used to it-she wears a very low bun, tight and slightly Curved, like a banana; after her uncle came back, even Zhenguan felt that her hairstyle should be changed, the old one was too old, like Erjin’s and others’ short haircut, it could really be a few years younger, but she It's still me, others may really think that she is used to it, but Zhenguan understands that the eldest sister-in-law has always grown this hair to make her mane; , Do less, the eldest sister-in-law can keep it, and she can cut it for her mother-in-law anytime she wants--her eldest sister-in-law turned her face, and the familiar little bun covered her face.

"Like! Very similar, especially the one in red; you forgot that you also have a red shirt with that style?" When her concubine reminded her, Zhenguan really remembered that there was a red dress with lantern sleeves, ruffles, and three cloth-covered buttons on the chest. Make it and give her new year's clothes. Why is childhood such a blazing heart?When I was three or five years old, to celebrate the New Year, I not only had to wear new clothes, but also picked out two corners of the bamboo tube, and bought a safflower made of grass by myself; Hairpins are clipped on the head... the first day, the second day, until the tenth day, there is no Chinese New Year atmosphere everywhere, so I have to take off the rowan and put it in the box of my mother or grandma, but every other year I ask the adults for time However, the flowers were either missing or damaged and fragmented, so she had to take out the money tube and buy new ones—the New Year's hairpins were the same as the fragrance of the Dragon Boat Festival. She didn't dare to see them again until she was eleven or twelve Dai, because the boy may have seen it on the road, and he went to school the next day and said that as soon as Zhenguan entered the classroom, they had already drawn a picture of a laughing man on the blackboard-what did Daxin look like when he was twelve years old?

Last winter in Taipei, Zhenguan went to Longshan Temple a few times. Every time I passed Laosong National School, I saw a little boy with a shoulder bag and a water bottle, and I thought of Daxin. He must have been such a polite little boy. Tongsheng... Why do you have to think about him before giving up after thinking about it? Get off from the car at Guanziling, and when they got here, the three of them stopped and rested for about twenty minutes; Biyun Temple was vaguely discernible, but her concubine had already fallen behind. —— Zhenguan looked back at them and saw that the two of them were walking to the curved road. Yinchan was probably thirsty, so he stood still by the bucket of tea served by the roadside.She poured a cup first and gave it to Da Jin, and then she poured another cup, and when she brought it to her mouth, she stopped suddenly, and asked Zhenguan from a distance: "Do you want to drink too?"

Zhenguan waved his hand, watched them drink tea, and thought back to what happened just now: when they were young, they raised silkworms in Yinchuan, and when it came time to spin silk, all the sisters and brothers would be squeezed and squeezed to see them; After spinning out all the silk and making a cocoon, she trapped her own worries in it—now that she thinks about it, isn't she just a silkworm on a spring mulberry leaf? ... The earth is not old, the love is endless, ... She is afraid that she will never get better in this life, she will never get better!It's not that she is ignorant of Daxin's lack of personality: he often has some things he can't make up his mind about, and he has been successful since he was a child, so that he can't fully accept himself, but he is also stubborn and rarely listens to others—in fact, as long as he Give them another year, and the quarrel between her and him will not be able to quarrel; she thought that Daxin had just come out of Liao Qing'er's catastrophe when he was injured so badly that no matter how much he and she confirmed, He can't be sure right away: whether he has thrown himself into the furnace of love and burned again, because he just came out of it blackened!

Just before he clarified and filtered himself, something happened, his weak side made him choose; in fact, he had never experienced such a thing, he didn't know what to do to be the most correct - but There is no reason why love is like this; contrary to Daxin, Zhenguan has been determined and cautious since she was a child, and she deeply understands the light of Daxin's nature. There are regrets; the most important thing is that Zhenguan believes that: in this world, the only thing that can really survive is intensive reading; of course she is a person who respects her own spirit.

Along the way, she thought in her heart: When you arrive at the temple, let's stay with Dajin!Da Jin also has her spirit that exists in the world; indulgent and self-willed people will think that those who are self-controlled and self-denying are bound and bound, but they don't know that the person involved is really willing, because doing so is oneself. What about Silver Toad? Of course we have to drive her back; even if a person who doesn't experience emotional calamity and emotional barriers lives here, what can he understand? Zhenguan thought about going up the mountain all the way, and finally arrived at Biyun Temple. After waiting for the two of them, she turned her head and looked back, and suddenly felt that the suffering in the world was all in front of her eyes and under her feet—the mountain was a clear spring and pure land, and the bottom of the mountain was suffering. !

Her concubine is Sanshang Biyun Temple; earlier, Yiji came here twice, and all matters related to entering the temple were settled with the temple dialect first.Zhenguan crossed the long sill before entering the mountain gate, and then two little nuns came forward to lead the way, and the three of them bent and turned, and were placed in the meditation room in the west. That room is a huge bunk bed, like the inner room of the grandmother at home, the difference is that there is nothing displayed here, and it is very obvious that she has passed away and became a monk—the eldest sister was led to see the abbot; Zhenguan and the two sat down together In the bed, he stretched out his hand to open the window: "Wow, that's great, Yinchan, I'm going to stay here too—"

Yinchan followed the probe to look, and it turns out that this place can be seen very far away. There is the stove room on the other side, and the firewood room next to it, and a nun is chopping firewood; "The one walking over there is strange, how can a nun keep her hair?" "Look clearly, don't talk nonsense—" Yin Chan said to herself: "If this is the case, E-Mu doesn't have to shave her hair—" Just as we were talking, a little nun came in to light mosquito coils. She smiled and said, "It's like this on the mountain, there are so many mosquitoes—"

Seeing someone, Yinchan thought of asking her: "Master, isn't there a rule in the temple that you must lose your hair? We saw some people—" The little nun said with a smile: "It's up to the person to lose their hair. Those who have been cut off are called Master, and those who are still called Gu. There is such a difference!" The two nodded, and asked about the location of the bathroom, then took their clothes and went down the stone steps; there was a huge pool outside the bathroom, and Zhenguan and others followed to fetch a bucket to fill the water; Handing her soap and towels, he pointed to the tiny stone room, which only accommodated one person, and said, "This is it; just go in and close the door!"

There used to be such cleansing in life; there were one or twenty small stone rooms in total, and nuns went in and out, and when Zhen Guan saw them holding hands, he realized that life was nothing more than a bucket of water and a square towel—Yin Chan also Dodging into the side room, the two of them washed their bodies through the small stone wall, only to hear the water splashing on the ground, and the sound of the water rushing - "Zhen Guan -" "Ok--" "This water is a mountain spring!" "how to say?" "I took a sip, it's so sweet!" After the bath, the two borrowed a small basin of laundry, and then carried the basin back to the room to dry; as soon as they entered the door, they disappeared first. "What will happen?" "It's probably Yi who took it away! Yi has her own cleaning room, and this is where pilgrims live!" The two of them were staying there when they heard the bell ringing, and the nun lighting the mosquito coils came in again: "Mistress, it's time for dinner; the fasting hall is at the side door behind the Guanyin Hall, you can go down the stone steps and you can see—" Zhen looked at his watch, it was only half past four; after eating so early, he would be hungry again in the middle of the night! "Master, where is our eldest sister?" "Yi is still at the abbot's place, and all the clothes are taken to her room; after you have eaten the fast, go to the third door at the other end to find Yi, there are two curved stone steps, and you can smell sweet-scented osmanthus on the platform;...don't go wrong The door is open!" "Then, what about you, Master?" "No, the benefactor eats first, and we follow; this is also the rule—" The dishes are four vegetables and one soup; square table, long bench; Zhenguan sits next to Yinchan, the bowl and spoon are all made of coarse clay, but until today, she really appreciates its cleanliness and magnificence——Yinchan When she came back from serving rice for the second time, Zhen Guan asked her: "Miss, how many bowls do you want to eat..." "Three bowls are not too much, five bowls is not much—can you keep your voice down? It makes people look down on me!" After dinner, it was just after five o'clock; Yinchan said, "Eat so early, I have to go to bed at eight o'clock, where should we go? I don't know if I'm back in my room yet?" The two climbed over the stone steps in front of the Daxiong Palace, took the small path, went up to the Jiamen on the side, and picked up another stone step. "Why are there so many stone steps?" "This place is originally deep in the mountains! It was built by the nuns who moved sand and earth, one step at a time—" There was a nun on the platform who was collecting the urn. After looking at it, she knew that it was some pickles; the two asked about the room, and when they came closer, they found that it was locked. "What do you say?" "Just stand at the door!" Yinchan turned around and said happily: "You can really smell the fragrant flowers here, it seems that there are also jasmines; hey! The meditation room we live in is there, and you can still see the yellow shirt hanging by the window!" Zhenguan didn't respond; Yinchan asked her, "What's wrong with you?" Zhen Guan raised his finger to the door and said, "Look at this couplet!" The font is extremely neat, and the script says: The two stood for a while, but still did not see her concubine, Yin Chan had to wait, but Zhenguan said: "Go back to the room! Maybe the concubine will come find us!" The two of them turned back to this side and realized from a distance that there was no one in the room; because it was pitch black inside; Yinchan couldn't help but said, "Is it Ah Mu who lost it, or us?" "Probably the matter is over; do you think it's so easy to become a monk and die?" "Then where shall we go now?" "Go to the back mountain! There are many big rocks to sit on over there!" When the two of them set foot on the small path, the moon had already appeared; Zhen Guan walked in small steps, raised his head every time, but heard Yin Chan ask her: "How? Do you really want to keep E-Mu here? The people in the family actually want me to Advise Deyi to go back again!" Zhenguan said: "The dozen or so mouths in the family can't hold back Iraq, so what should we say? Besides, everyone is infatuated. Everyone in the family doesn't know that they will pay back their vows. They clearly know that they still want to force Liu Yi—— " "He's also a person who doesn't want to part with Iraq!" "Yinchan, do you also feel wronged by Da Jin?" "I... I won't say it!" "Actually, Yin Chan, others may not know about you. We drink water from the same well as Yi, so we still don't understand. Yi is not seeing through, but Yi is infatuated!" "—" "For thirty years, she has prayed for the survival of her uncle's people. She believes that her husband, who is living in a different place, will be able to return home in times of war and illness. She knows that uncle; now his people are back. I wish, who will pay it back? Liulizi's concubine has saved my uncle's life, but the concubine just didn't say clearly: "Did you lose someone? Let me go for you!" Under the moonlight, the stones were white and clean one by one. The two of them sat side by side and talked, and their hearts suddenly became like a bright mirror, like a copper platform. "Yin Chan, look!! What is that?" Yin Chan took two steps forward and said, "It's a couplet at the back door of the Daxiong Palace; do you want to hear it?" "Quick, read it to me!" Just as he was talking, the bell rang again suddenly; Zhen Guan suddenly couldn't sit still, and looked forward to himself: More than ten days in the mountains. The couple of Zhenguan went to the back mountain to pick flowers every day; there was an unremitting stream in the mountain. The nuns took the ripe bamboo, opened the joints inside it, sawed it to equal length, and made many round bamboo tubes, and then tied them with lead wire. One pipe is connected, and the water is led back from the source to several large water tanks in the backyard of the temple. They also went to help the nuns to carry water and water the vegetables; in front of and behind the temple, I don’t know how many vegetables are planted; Zhenguan sometimes holds a gourd in his hand, circling and turning in his heart, thinking of such a letter: In the evening, she and Yinchan went to the front hall to listen to the evening class. The chanting was in Sanskrit. Of course, the two of them didn't understand, but after half an hour, they were teaching and reading; . They all chose the last two seats, really like two boarders in a school: "There are all kinds of suffering in the world, but there is no suffering suffered by a wise man!" "The poor who are angry, the bitterness of resentment!" "A sage does not get angry, anger is a fool!" "Don't fight for reasons, don't report wrongs, don't get angry!" "What kind of sex is born, what kind of suffering is suffered; if you want to avoid suffering, you must first transform your sex, and your sex will be round, bright, and bright!" Her concubine sits in the front seat; a woman in her fifties with a concentrated expression, just like a child born—Zhen Guan remembered: in front of the main hall, there is a Buddha lamp like a heart, and the heart is like a lotus, and the light and brightness are her Dajin is a human being; Yizhen has left endless ingenuity and returned it to good fortune; even in the next life, she will still be a beautiful person! In the past half a month, her uncle went to Guanziling three times in a row, once with Yinshan, once alone, and the last time with Aunt Liulizi; her uncle received two people in the meditation room, but she didn't know the three What did he say, when he came out again, the eyes of the uncle Zhen Guan and the Japanese sister-in-law were red, but Yi still did not change; the most affection is ruthlessness! This night is the last night in the mountains, and this lesson is also the last lesson; as time goes on, Zhenguan sits on the bench, feeling nostalgic for it: the teacher who taught calligraphy recited the words, and the following also recited in harmony : "Only when all sentient beings are exhausted can they realize Bodhi; if the hell is not empty, I swear not to become a Buddha—" "—" As if oil had been applied to the copper platform, Zhenguan's heart suddenly lit up. Not only the physical world and all things, not only the world and sentient beings, but even Ksitigarbha Bodhisattva is so infatuated! After the evening class, the two went back to the meditation room to rest; autumn gradually deepened, and the mountain became even more chilly. Yinchan spread out the quilt, sat aside and yawned like a baby, seeing that Zhenguan was not moving, he asked, "You want to sit down!" "I'm not sleepy—" "Are you reluctant to leave?" "Yes so what? No so what?" "I want to pull you away, don't I want to pull you away too!" Zhen Guan said with a smile: "If I want to leave, I don't know how to do it myself? You are not a rascal—" The two of them lay down, but when they heard the sound of the door, Yinchan went to open it, and it turned out to be her concubine: "Concubine, are you still sleepy?" "Well, let's have a look. When you go back tomorrow morning, tell Grandpa and the others that it's very good that my sister-in-law is here, so they don't have to worry about—" "we will--" Yi's little bun was not cut, and Zhen Guan sat on the edge of the bed and looked at her, feeling that the person sitting in front of her was not a Buddhist, and Yi was still her mother in the world; — "What else does Dajin have to say?" "Well; at home... I also said--" "Em is here, take care of yourself!" "I will--" When Zhenguan sent Yi out, Yi Shan was born, so she stopped Zhenguan and said, "It's cold outside, don't come out; also, there is a sentence I haven't heard from my sister-in-law. You are not young, and sometimes you have to think about life. Don't be infatuated and self-willed, leaving your mother sad—" "Grandma, I know—" After Yi left, Zhenguan lay down and went back to bed, but said nothing; Yinchan then asked, "How are you?" "Nothing!" She turned off the light, and lay down quietly again, until she heard Yin Chan's breathing evenly, and then she sat up again; she opened the window to see the moon, such a cold night was really what Daxin said - a night as cool as water : She was still crying—