Chapter 18 Chapter Eighteen

The oil lamp is like a bean; the wind occasionally penetrates through the gaps in the windows and doors, and the flames jump and shake, floating and reflecting the figures in the room, followed by flickering. Zhenguan tonight is the fifth night to watch in front of the coffin; white candles, white curtains, white clothes, even the people in Zhenguan are also white. There is a straw mat on the ground, and Zhenguan sits kneeling on it with his feet folded, and when he looks up, he sees the uncles and the others; Yinshan is the eldest grandson of the eldest house, and according to etiquette, the eldest grandson is always treated as the younger son, so Yinshan is filial; Passing the mail, I couldn’t help touching the heavy linen clothes on his body, and the feeling of the hands immediately spread to the bottom of my heart, as if the thick hemp was scratching the heart muscle——Since the third night, the ladies began to go back to the room for a short rest before coming back The same goes for her mother, aunt, uncle, and others; Zhenguan is a granddaughter, and she doesn't have to stay until dawn. Generally speaking, perform the heavy etiquette of being filial to your sons and grandsons.

When Zhenguan was three years old, her mother gave birth to a younger brother; she was weaned at that age and lived with her grandmother. She couldn't understand it clearly when she was three years old, but when she thought about it now, she could still remember: when she was four or five years old, she slept next to her grandmother, and it was freezing cold. Feed her with a spoonful——Zhen Guan officially came home to live after she was in elementary school; her grandmother knew that she loved to eat mung bean soup since she was a child.When I was in elementary school, I had to line up to go home after class. The old man stood guard at the gate here, looking at the teams of little heads. When they recognized her, they called her name and asked her to eat. Dear kindness——Thinking of this, Zhenguan’s dry eyes still seep wet tears; it turns out——Why do Chinese people believe in reincarnation and another life? The afterlife referred to by Buddhism and Taoism is love but it has it!If there is no next life, how can we pay back the many kindnesses owed by human beings in this world: the kindness of childbirth, care and knowledge?

The last time I came back to celebrate the New Year, it was also in this house. She helped the elderly and the elder sisters to make red tortoise cakes for ancestor worship. The molds are the same, and they are all patterns of longevity turtles. They are put on the red rice cakes. As soon as she pressed it with her hand, the wooden mold printed red turtles one by one; she arranged them on the rice basket, and lit them one by one——Sanjin held scissors beside her, and followed the shape of the kueh. , while clipping and cutting leaves, while applying raw oil, the leaves are cabbage leaves; Yinchan squatted on the ground, pounding peanuts with a small stone mortar.

Stir-fried potatoes are poured into a stone mortar, ground for a while, then poured out and held in the palm of the hand, blown off the skin of the peanuts with your mouth, and then poured back into the mortar for pounding. Peanut bran is to be mixed with dumpling meat, minced vegetables, etc. Together, it is used to make vegetable buns and red round stuffing. As soon as the small stone pestle was pounded, the peanuts jumped back and forth, and some even sprayed out on the ground; Yin Chan wanted to pick it up and pound it again, and had to surround half of the stone mortar with his left hand from time to time, so as not to jump out too much... ...It didn't take long, and I beat my hand upside down!

Zhenguan went to replace her, and the two of them changed jobs; she just picked up the small stone pestle, pounded it a few times, and suddenly felt that her heart was also placed in the stone mortar, and it was crushed like a peanut one by one. That year was really the saddest for her; there was no news of Daxin across her. ——I will go to Taipei on the fifth day of the lunar new year. The mother came here with her to talk; Yinchan was still in the third concubine's room, the mother and daughter, I don't know what else they were talking about; her mother was talking to the third uncle, and Zhenguan went into grandma's room by herself.

Once inside, the old man saw that it was her, leaned over and sat up, and pulled her to cover half of the quilt: "It's so cold outside, you wear so little?" "I just took off my coat, Grandma, I'm not cold!" Unexpectedly, that scene was the last time I saw the old man in this life; the grandparents and grandchildren were sitting opposite each other with a corner of the quilt, and there was a hand stove inside the quilt, watching the nest in Zhenguan, and suddenly they didn't want to go out to the outside world-"When will I come back again?" ?” "Not necessarily, I will come back when I have a holiday—"

"That's right, that's right, come back so I can show Grandma, oh, it's such a long journey—" "—" "Tomorrow at this time, you will be in Taipei; alas, people are like birds, flying around!" "—" "Ah Zhenguan, you are so far away, and you can't always be by your side, remember this sentence—" "Mamaw, I'll remember—" "Ah Zhenguan; talent is not enough, appearance is not enough; knowing the good makes the virtuous, a good woman has virtue—" That meeting was the last time I would be a grandmother or grandson in this life, and the words of heartfelt advice have become utterly unheard of.

Talent is not enough to rely on, and appearance is not enough; knowing the good is the virtuous, and a good woman has virtue. Zhenguan thought again at this time, and the tears were even more unstoppable; this crying was about guilt and sympathy; Daxin should treat her like this, what virtue and deeds did he have to get such a gentle man like him , rank rank gentleman. She quarreled with him and broke up with him when he was in the worst mood. It was because she was ashamed of her old man and had a negative teaching; A family, up and down, so teaching each other by body and words is to make her grow up to be a virtuous woman; it is in vain for her to be educated since she was a child-she is not only ashamed of her parents, but also of this family, and even more so. Famous teacher, ashamed of the people—let the tears flow straight; when the tears turn into blood, grandma and father will know her great repentance——

After the funeral, her aunt and uncle left one after another; Zhenguan felt that with her mentality, she would not be able to live in Taipei again; Taipei needs the kind of extremely brave and courageous people to live! She wants to be like those old farmers next to the primary school, never striding away from her hometown in this life. Yinchan stayed with her; Ah Zhong had already refunded the rent for them in that house; Zhenguan was with his mother and concubine every day, and his heart was finally at peace every day. After July 7th, it was another hundred days; Aunt Liulizi came and went again and again; looking at her, Zhenguan felt that Taipei was never far away!

Before Yi left this time, she still asked Zhen Guan as usual, how to go again; Zhen Guan promised Yi to think about it again, and when her uncle and Yi were sent to the car, she suddenly remembered the past. Dajin had already said that she was going to go up the mountain. At the beginning, Grandma desperately kept her; now that the old man is gone, there is no one in the house who can hold her back! No matter what, I'm going to give her a gift—how many people will become insignificant compared to Da Jin.She thought of the big wind and rain, and the big letter sent her the printed book; she not only returned him, but also tricked him into tearing up the letter, and wrote the name of an irrelevant man to vomit him - he should ignore her!

Thinking about tearing up the letters, Zhen Guan hurriedly dug out the letters that were broken and glued together again. She looked at them one by one, and she couldn't bear the tears to flow down. Daxin had given her so many letters, and he told her almost everything; what he could tell, and what he couldn't; his mother and younger sister didn't know about it, so he told her everything! When I woke up this morning, one of my nostrils was blocked—ah, I have to talk about such a trivial matter. ——The book is more than three inches, so I use it as a pillow——If you tell others this, they will probably laugh, but he treats her as himself like this. ——Recently crickets are very rampant, and the loud chorus of defiant people is very noisy—ah, great faith, the love of each other, the kindness of knowing each other, she only found out today, it turns out that Zhenguan bears great faith! What is a confidant?Doesn't she know that the two people in Dream of the Red Chamber; Bao and Dai are confidants, and confidants will not complain.Back then, he asked her to wait for the news. She shouldn't be impatient. His rage was actually a destructive act, which can only be done to a loved one. But she was obsessed with something, and returned to his object like an arrow. ... Daxin was like being stabbed by her when he was most vulnerable... She thought, and found a pile of scraps of paper in the clam-shaped bag; now she has understood Daxin's farewell; we met, what did he say?Unless there is a promise, and when each other's hearts are broken like this, he will also be upset!Who would be in any mood? The paper was not ventilated inside, and now it smelled a bit strange; Zhenguan then took a small basin, spread it on top, and then placed it in a ventilated and sunny place, drying it in the shade and drying it in the sun. From now on, she will turn them out to dry according to the seasons of the four seasons, just like Grandma used to expose her embroidered bellyband to the sun—when the wind blows, the shredded paper in the basin flutters like little white butterflies; , chasing after them; unexpectedly, Yinchan walked in: "Hey, what is this?" "—" Zhenguan didn't return to her, and fluttered the small pieces of paper with his hand, Yinchan followed and ran forward, brushed some of them with his hands, the wind swept over the paper, positive and negative, Yinchan finally saw the words on it clearly: " You, you, you will kill him—" Hearing this, Zhenguan didn't say a word, stepped forward and snatched the paper from her hand, and put it into the purse himself. The mechanism of this leather bag is mysterious, no boy has ever been able to open it, Yincheng, Yin'an, and even Ah Zhong... none of them could twist it. Strangely, as soon as Daxin took it, he touched it lightly, and with a snap, he opened it. up! Yinchan thought she was angry, so he said yes: "I know, I said the wrong thing——" If Zhenguan doesn't listen, then he is really annoyed: "You don't know, so forget it, since you know, what are you talking about? Everyone in the world can say that, but you can't!" "—" "You can say me too! You shouldn't say that he—" "It is my fault--" When Yinchan lowered her head, she looked like grandma; Zhenguan recalled all the scenes in her illness, how she fed herself everything—"Yinchan, I'm not feeling well either, I'm in a bad mood, I speak too hastily...don't say any more! I Thinking: You should know what I am—”