Chapter 2 How Obstinate Our Hearts Are - Chapter Two

How Obstinate Our Hearts Are - Chapter Two Ah Yan was quickly transferred to the city. She was the first group of educated youths to return to the city.To say that there was no special connection at that time, in her words, it was good luck.When she got the notice to return to the city, she came to me suddenly, showed me the notice, and asked me to send her back to Nanjing.I was shocked. After so many years of jumping in line, this was the first time she came to me on her own initiative.Of course, what surprised me even more was that she was going to leave the countryside and return to the city.I never dreamed that she would go back to Nanjing, and she left as soon as she said she would, and asked me to take her back.

At first I didn't understand her intentions.I thought that there must be a lot of things to take back, she was just looking at my physical strength, but when it was the day of departure, I realized that she had no luggage at all.She left everything to Xie Jingwen and Li Huijuan. Before leaving, the three hugged each other and cried a lot.I watched from the sidelines, feeling uncomfortable.Firstly, I thought it was somewhat funny for these three girls to hug each other, and also thought that Ayan was gone, far away from thousands of mountains and rivers, and I had no hope at all.My fourth child was originally not good enough for Ah Yan, but now that she has become a city person again, I can't get better.

Along the way, I don't know what to say.Anyway, I felt that I was going to lose her, very reluctant, reluctant, and helpless.Obviously, my mood is very low, and I have a living thought from time to time, as if there is a mouse hiding in a corner of my heart, slipping out and turning around at every turn.She talked and laughed, treated me much more affectionately than usual, and even invited me back to the restaurant, where she cooked two dishes.At that time, the educated youth were very poor, and it was very rare to spend money on restaurants.Of course she knew that my mood was very complicated. When serving the dishes, she smiled and asked me:

"I'm going back to Nanjing, are you unhappy?" "Why, of course I'm happy." "You're so happy?" "Of course I'm very happy." She stopped smiling suddenly and said, "The expression on your face is not very happy." I just laughed.It was a bit reluctant at first, but soon I laughed and laughed very happily.After all, I love Ah Yan, there is no reason to be unhappy.I said I envy you, I really envy you.I said of course I should be happy about your affairs.I said this is something you are happy about, how could I be unhappy.When I arrived in Nanjing, at the gate of the railway dormitory compound, I handed my luggage to her, intending to say goodbye to her, but I didn't expect that she would invite me to her home.I wasn't mentally prepared at all at the time, and I hesitated, but she insisted on me going, and she didn't allow me to make any excuses.I'm not the kind of man who is shy, so I can go if I want to, anyway, this is the last time, if I go all out, it's good to be able to identify and remember a place.

I never dreamed that when introducing her parents, Ah Yan would say that I was her boyfriend.I was taken aback, not only I was taken aback, her parents' eyes were also straightened, dumbfounded, they looked at me dumbly for a while, and then turned back to look at Ayan.I never dreamed that Ah Yan would suddenly set our relationship in front of her parents.I could never have dreamed that she would resort to such extreme methods.In the process of my relationship with Ah Yan, I have always been the one who is proactive, and I have been playing the role of suitor for a long time.I never dreamed that such a day would come.

Sudden happiness overwhelmed me like an ocean.In the past period of time, I just felt that she no longer ignored me like she used to, and didn't deliberately avoid me like she used to.I didn't know that she had already started to like me, and she really liked me a little bit.Happiness suddenly fell from the sky, like a torrential rain, it came down as soon as it was said.I really can't describe my happy mood, I can't wait to open my throat immediately, run to the open space and shout a few times, saying that Ah Yan already likes me, that Ah Yan already belongs to me.I really want to shout to Kong Kong that my fourth child is now the happiest man in the world.What happened so suddenly was so unbelievable, until Ah Yan sent me downstairs, I was still worried if I was dreaming.When I got downstairs, right at the doorway, I looked at Ayan tremblingly, and asked in a trembling voice:

"This isn't just for fun, is it?" We started to be in a passionate relationship, and Ah Yan kept writing me letters, one after another.In those passionate love letters, on the one hand, she encouraged me to take root in the countryside with peace of mind, and at the same time repeatedly assured me that even if the seas dry up, she would not change her love for me.Today, she is definitely suitable for a good university. She writes beautifully and has a great literary talent.It's a pity that Ah Yan didn't go to college. She was a good student when she was studying in school. When the college entrance examination resumed, she was already thirty years old. If I hadn't stopped her, she might have been admitted to college.

In the following days, although I was in love, although our relationship had been confirmed, to be honest, I didn't feel at ease in my heart.I began to think of all ways to go back to the city. What about taking root in the countryside and what about receiving re-education from the poor and lower-middle peasants are all lies.Thinking that Ah Yan is far away in Nanjing, I don't even want to stay in the countryside for a day.For me, Nanjing, the hometown of Ah Yan, is heaven, and the countryside without Ah Yan is hell. I know the attitude of Ah Yan's parents. It is impossible for them to accept a son-in-law who has a bad family background and is still jumping the queue in the countryside.When I went to Ayan's house, her mother always hinted that Ayan was not young anymore, she was the third child in the family, with two married older sisters, two younger sisters and a younger brother.That younger brother is the prince of her family. After giving birth to five daughters, there is such a precious son. The whole family revolves around him, and he is the center.Her mother always said, if I can't be transferred back to Nanjing, I shouldn't delay Ah Yan any longer. Many boys with good conditions like Ah Yan, some are soldiers, some are from military factories, and some are the sons of cadres, but I am An educated youth who couldn't return to the city, his father was a historical counter-revolutionary.Ah Yan's elder sister said that she was about to get married, and the younger sister was said to have a boyfriend soon, and her mother obviously didn't welcome me to associate with Ah Yan.

That was the time when I was most disappointed. Every time I went to Ah Yan's house, I would feel a kind of fear.Every time I leave, my fear has almost turned into resentment.My self-esteem was hurt like never before.Ah Yan has nothing to do with her mother, she can only comfort me in vain, she has repeatedly stated that she will never change her mind, and repeatedly stated that she does not think that if one person is in the city and the other is in the countryside, it must be some serious obstacle .Ah Yan said that her parents will accept me sooner or later, because it is a new society after all, love is free and marriage is independent, and the love of young people cannot be stopped by parents.As a result, my mood became very bad. In front of Ah Yan, I behaved like a docile little sheep, but when I came out to society, my fists would itch at every turn, as if looking for an opportunity to vent.

My sister's boyfriend talked to her for a while and decided to break up with my sister.Ordinarily, this is really not the fault of the man. I found the young man and said that you fucking dare to bully my sister.The young man tried his best to quibble, saying that it was actually my sister who bullied him.I couldn't help him to say more, so I beat him violently, and that guy didn't fight back, no matter how hard he hit, I said you are a man too, why don't you fight me.He said, I can't beat you.He also said, I don't want to fight with you, but you want to fight with me.

His face was covered in blood from my beating, his mouth was still stiff, and in the end he said the same thing: "It was your sister who didn't want me first. Did you know that she was the one who disliked me first?" I said, "You fucking nonsense, why would my sister not want you?" When I said this sentence, he was sad, and tears flowed out immediately. I said, "It's impossible for my sister not to want you." "Is it impossible if you say it's impossible?" "Then what happened?" "I don't know why, I obviously like her, and everyone is very nice, but she turned on her face when she said that she turned her back, and suddenly said that she didn't like me anymore, that she didn't want to talk to me anymore." I immediately believed that the guy was telling the truth, I knew my sister's queerness, it was too much like her doing.My sister will always be erratic, it's definitely in her character.The young man wiped away his tears and said to me angrily: "Have you hit enough? If you do good things to the end, you can punch me in the face again." I didn't even think about it, another punch, a straight punch, knocked him over. He quickly got up again and said: "Good fight, you fight again!" I suddenly felt very boring, and suddenly felt that it would be fine if I was the one who was beaten.I wish someone had punched me in the face like that too.I told him I had had enough and now it was his turn to hit me.I said that I will stand here, no matter how you fight, you will never fight back.I said that I regret it now, I really shouldn't hit you so fucking badly.The corners of his eyes were already bulging, and more than one place was bleeding, but he looked at me with a very disdainful expression, and there was an inexplicable pride in his eyes. I said: "You do it, what a fool!" He still looked at me with disdain. I said, "Do it." In the end, I had no choice but to run away.When I went back, I blamed my sister. When my sister heard this, she immediately became anxious with me. She scolded me so badly that even dirty words came out.I said it was you who asked me to teach him a lesson, and I did what you said, but you blamed me instead.My sister rushed up and punched me on the back.She said that if I asked you to teach him a lesson, you would teach him a lesson, and if I asked you to kill him, did you really kill him too?My sister has always been unreasonable, and my mother was still making sarcastic remarks, saying that there is something that cannot be reasonable, why do you have to do it, like a little hooligan.Unconvinced, I argued a few words with my sister, and then quarreled with my mother. My sister suddenly said out of nowhere: "Fourth brother, you are in a bad mood, don't take your family's anger at you, okay?" "What does it mean to take one's own family to anger?" "Anyway, you're in a bad mood." I said viciously to my sister: "I don't know who is in a bad mood, who is looking for trouble." "It's you, it's you, it's you." As a result, we quarreled violently, the louder the louder.My sister's temper has never been unbearable. She relies on the small shop, crying and making trouble.At the end, I had no choice but to let her, but I had to hide out.What can I do with such an unreasonable girl, I can't beat her, I can't scold her.I had no choice but to hide outside, but my sister was right. At that time, she and I were in a bad mood, and we both ignited like gunpowder.Even my mother is like this. This family is a little impatient, and life is not going well. Everyone feels angry and awkward.To be honest, at that time I would rather stay in the countryside and be a farmer than live in my own home.This home can only make me feel more troubled and make my life more uncomfortable.I went back to Nanjing just to see Ayan, and Lai stayed at home just to stay with Ayan for a while longer, but there are not many opportunities for us to be together. Ah Yan's mother always guarded us like a thief.She was afraid that we might have a chance to do something out of the ordinary, and when we were alone the door was always ajar, and even then she often came into the room unexpectedly.There is always a kind of vigilance in her eyes, watching us in every possible way.In fact, we were very conservative at that time. We always put on a serious look in front of others, and we didn't even have the chance to kiss.Ah Yan also understood her mother's intentions, she was not the kind of open woman, but the more her mother guarded her, the more disgusted she was, and when she was disgusted, she would have the idea of ​​rebellion.Once, at the beginning of summer, everyone wore few clothes. On the spur of the moment, she even brought some Angrily want to do that with me. At that time, she was sitting on a stone bench by the lake in Xuanwu Lake Park, and it was getting dark. She said that she should just do it this way, and she simply cooked raw rice and made the two of them give up.The two people she mentioned were me and her mother.Ah Yan's idea is very simple, she wants to pass this incident, not only to prove that she is mine, to completely dispel my doubts, but also to let her mother completely stop the idea of ​​breaking us up.At that time, Xuanwu Lake was still desolate, and when it got dark, there were no traces of people.I am naturally very impulsive. When a man reaches a certain age, his desire for the opposite sex will naturally become stronger, waiting to erupt like a volcano.But I still control myself very well, I think this is an absolute boundary, Ah Yan has to do this thing to prove that she loves me, I have to not do this thing to prove that I love her more.I want to show Ah Yan that if I really love her, I should take this into consideration. I want to prove to her that I have perseverance and patience. I want to make her believe that because of love, I must persist until the wedding night of. My blood was boiling and my heart was beating wildly, but the most outrageous move was just touching her breasts side by side.Before this, I just pinched her breasts through the clothes. Now my hands have reached in, and with her help, I unbuckled the bra, went around from the back to the front, and gently pressed the two breasts presumptuously. A bouncy bouncy boob.Ah Yan's tits are absolutely top-notch, I have experienced many women in my life, no woman's tits can compare with Ah Yan's, no woman's tits are as full of love as Ah Yan's.It was a wonderful feeling, the night was as cool as water, the frogs were roaring, and the willow branches by the lake could be faintly seen fluttering gently, her two tits were tightly stretched, especially the nipples, like two hard nuts Like grapes. The love for Ah Yeon became my spiritual pillar.As long as I can be with Ah Yan, I don't care about any kind of grievance, and I can bear any kind of uselessness.During the days when I went back to the city to visit relatives, I had nothing to do and was bored. The only thing I found interesting was to accompany her to work every day.Ah Yan was assigned to sell meat in a vegetable market, which was a large state-run vegetable market, and opened early in the morning every day.I mixed in with the vegetable sellers, watching her chop meat with a machete, weigh the meat with a scale, and collect the money.She worked there wholeheartedly, knowing that I was watching her not far away, and I could only watch from afar.The line to buy meat was very long. At that time, selling meat was a very popular job, and the people who bought meat were always accompanied by smiling faces.A Yan always had a red face, wearing an apron and protective sleeves, she raised the knife high up, aimed at a large piece of pork, and chopped it off with one blow. Next, the educated youths began to leave the countryside and return to the cities one after another, serving in the army, going to college, studying in technical secondary schools, recruiting jobs, and so on. Every year, even every month.The people around me are almost gone, Ah Yan is gone, Li Huijuan is gone, Feng Rui has become a college student of workers, peasants and soldiers.By this time, Ayan no longer sang to me the high-pitched words of taking root in the countryside. At this time, raising the transfer rate has become the most urgent thing. At that time, the obvious reality was that if we could not transfer back to Nanjing, all our happiness would be impossible. talk about.At that time, the correspondence between Ayan and I was basically discussing how to transfer back to Nanjing, what we should do, who we should find, and what kind of back door we should open.Going back to Nanjing is the foundation of our happiness. If we don't go back to Nanjing, everything will be meaningless.I tried my best to prepare to leave the countryside, but I couldn't succeed no matter what. It was also at that time that Xie Jingwen and I got together.It's such an inexplicable story, and I don't understand how it happened.Many things in the world do not need any reason.At that time, Xie Jingwen had already flirted with Wang Zhejun, the ping-pong player. I never figured out who the two were who fluffed.Later, Xie Jingwen talked to an educated youth named Luo Wen.This Luo Wen was very infatuated with her at one time, and seemed to have written her some bloody books, but once he was recommended to go to university, this kid immediately became ungrateful, and almost never wrote her any more letters.Xie Jingwen had been seconded to teach in the commune's elementary school at that time, just like I missed Ah Yan crazily, she also missed that Luo Wen all day long, and went to the post office every day to see if there was any letter from him.Luo Wen's letters are so rare that there can be no fewer. Xie Jingwen went to the post office and often brought back letters from Ayan to me, which made her very jealous and envious. "Fourth, it's your letter again. I didn't expect that you are really capable, and you can hold Ah Yan firmly in the palm of your hand." I was not working in the production team at that time, and was transferred to the commune agricultural machinery factory as a worker.Workers are of course better than farmers, but being a worker means losing freedom. I can no longer go back to Nanjing for a few months like in the past.At that time, it was impossible for us to stay in the countryside with peace of mind. Anyway, we couldn't walk if we wanted to, and we had to stay if we didn't want to stay. Xie Jingwen's life goal at the time was to go to college like Luo Wen. For this purpose, she was willing to do anything, even sleeping with the commune secretary.But our secretary is not lecherous, she is well-dressed, and it is useless to take the initiative to send it to her door.Our commune secretary didn't follow that at all, the beauty trick didn't work, and Xie Jingwen got a frivolous reputation instead.There were a lot of gossip about her indiscreet life style, so Luo Wen took the opportunity to break up with her.Breaking up with Luo Wen made Xie Jingwen very angry. She came to me and asked me to learn martial arts and Tai Chi. When Xie Jingwen came to worship me as a teacher, I thought it was funny: "What, learned to punch Luo Wen?" Xie Jingwen sneered and said, "If I don't learn boxing, I can still beat him." I smiled maliciously, and said how about I teach Luo Wen a lesson for you, and I promise to beat him until he kneels down and begs for mercy, and beat him to change his mind.After hearing what I said, she immediately felt a little unhappy, saying don't talk nonsense to me, whether you accept me as an apprentice or not.I said it's okay to take apprentices, but my fourth child has never confiscated female apprentices, can this woman also learn boxing?Xie Jingwen said, why can't it be said, Chairman Mao said, women hold up half the sky, don't underestimate us.I smiled and said, you know what Chairman Mao and his old man meant when he said that women hold up half the sky, which means that they can only hold up half the sky, and they can only be used for half of the purpose. Xie Jingwen said: "Fourth, you dare to favor boys over girls, so I won't waste my time with you." In the end, Xie Jingwen still pestered me and said, "Hey, my apprentice, whether you accept it or not, just give me a word." I said that I really confiscated female apprentices. "It's easy to do, just charge one and try, but don't expect to charge tuition." Because of my father's preaching, for many years, no matter it is windy or rainy, I must persist in practicing boxing and kicking.To be honest, people like me who know some kung fu have the temper of being a good teacher, because boxing alone is very lonely, and it is not a bad thing if someone is willing to practice with you.I don't care what kind of male and female apprentices, as long as they are willing, whoever learns is the same.However, I don't believe that Xie Jingwen really wants to learn boxing. I have taught many people to learn boxing, but none of them have learned it well, so I don't expect her to learn boxing well. Xie Jingwen is very confident, saying: "I am different from others, I can learn anything." In the beginning, Xie Jingwen was taught boxing on the elementary school playground. There were too many people watching there, and I couldn’t concentrate. Later, I went to the Wuwangshan Martyrs Cemetery. There was a large empty field in front of the monument.Xie Jingwen learned dance when she was a child, and it is very easy to learn Taijiquan. Every move and style can be taught one by one, and one point can be mastered.The disadvantage is that it is too danceable, too light, and too performance-like.She is an extremely smart girl, she puts her heart into everything she learns and is willing to use her brain.In my memory, at that time she was studying hard all day long, reading all kinds of books.Xie Jingwen and I are not the same kind of people, she is born to study together.After breaking up with Luo Wen, she became even crazier. I have never seen a person who reads like her, always holding a book, and sometimes reading while walking.It is not surprising that Xie Jingwen was admitted to a university, went to graduate school, and finally went to the United States and became a professor in an American university. Xie Jingwen's primary school is next door to my factory, and everyone lives in a collective dormitory, and the places where they live are also very close to each other.The educated youth has already left for a long time, and we can't help feeling a little dependent on each other.During those days, Xie Jingwen often read Ayan’s letters to me. These letters were almost all brought to me from the post office by her. She felt that since she worked hard, she should be rewarded. This so-called reward is to share with Ayan. secrets between.She was very curious about what Ayan and I would say. Gradually, Ayan's letter was no longer a secret to her, because our relationship quickly developed to an unusual level.By unusual I don't mean punches, of course, but that kind of thing has happened. One day after boxing practice, Xie Jingwen, who was drenched in sweat, suddenly asked me mysteriously, if I dared to come to this martyr's cemetery at night.We usually come here early in the morning to fight, and then she goes to school and I go to work.This has been going on for almost a month, every day, I don't understand why she suddenly had such a strange idea. I said, "Do you want to test the courage of my fourth child?" Xie Jingwen said: "Don't talk nonsense, dare or not?" "Shall I tell the truth?" "Of course to be honest." "In this world, there is really nothing that my fourth child dare not do." Xie Jingwen's eyeballs were round, and after staring for a while, she turned slowly: "Well, at ten o'clock tonight, we will meet here, see you there or not." "See or leave or see or leave." My first thought was what kind of mischief she was up to.Xie Jingwen is a restless girl, she can always think of some ridiculous ideas.That day happened to be the fifteenth day of the seventh month of the lunar calendar, which is the folk ghost festival.It was still in the middle of the Cultural Revolution, and we educated youths didn't understand those feudal superstitions at all.I was just a little hesitant, wondering if I should go or not.I think that Xie Jingwen is most likely just joking, because this martyr's cemetery is not crowded even in broad daylight.The local people were already surprised that we would choose such a gloomy place to practice boxing.Back then, we used to make bold, out-of-the-ordinary moves.To be honest, at that time I was really not afraid at all, all I could think of was that even if it was the last time, I had to go, lest I be ridiculed by a woman like Xie Jingwen.I guessed that Xie Jingwen probably wouldn't go, she was just joking and wanted to test my courage. The moonlight was very bright that day. As early as dusk, on the way back to the dormitory after get off work, I saw many people squatting on the side of the road secretly burning paper money.After returning to the dormitory, looking out from the back window of the dormitory, there is an endless field, the sky is getting dark, and from time to time, yellow flames suddenly flicker, one here and another endlessly.At that time, I only knew that after people died, some paper money would be burned at the funeral, and I wondered in my heart why so many people died all at once in the past few days.I just found it strange, and I didn't know that on July 15th, there was a custom of living people burning paper money for their dead relatives.I didn't know that this was just a repertoire of the Ghost Festival. At that time, the feudal superstition activities in the countryside were carried out secretly, and they deliberately kept the educated youth from the city from us. After dinner, I chatted with my roommate for more than an hour, and then went swimming in the reservoir in front of the door. After swimming for about half an hour, I changed my clothes.Going back to the house to read a book for a while, the time was almost up, so I grabbed a big enamel cup and disappeared into the night.I decided to leave this cup at the Martyrs Cemetery to prove that I really went to the appointment.There are some things that cannot be proved by words. In the early morning of the next day, I will let this enamel cup testify for myself.This mug will serve as strong evidence that I have indeed been there. It wouldn't be entirely true to say that I wasn't scared at all that night, but that little bit of fear wasn't enough to shake my resolve.Along the way, I thought more about how to describe what happened to Xie Jingwen to Xie Jingwen early the next morning.I thought I might as well make up a story.The mountain where the Martyrs Cemetery is located is called Wuwang Mountain, which is considered a famous mountain in the local area.In history, there was a famous person who fought a battle here, and because he won the battle, he later became the emperor.This area is a battleground for military strategists. During the War of Liberation, the armies of the Communist Party and the Kuomintang fought fiercely in this area. Many people died on both sides. After liberation, a martyr's cemetery was built here and a monument was erected.Because the general who wrote the inscription was knocked down in the early days of the Cultural Revolution, no one dared to come to pay homage to him.In the first few years when I was an educated youth, the Martyrs Cemetery was completely an abandoned cemetery.In front of the monument, there used to be a granite altar table with slightly tilted ends. It was made in an antique style. After the general was overthrown, the young Red Guard general who was very emotional once wanted to smash the monument. Sprinkle all your anger on this altar.According to the thinking of the Red Guard young general, it is wrong to have an altar, and there is an incense burner on the altar, which is definitely a feudal superstition.So he unambiguously smashed the censer, and with great effort, moved the altar to the side to the west of the monument, where it was overturned.This happened for several years, but someone later straightened it up. One of the legs was broken and a brick was used to cover it.We went there every day to practice boxing, and after we were done, we sat on it with our thighs crossed and our legs crossed, chatting and laughing. I arrived at the Cemetery of the Martyrs exactly on time that night.Suddenly, also by intuition, I realized that Xie Jingwen was already waiting for me there.I had only thought that she might not come, but now, I suddenly felt that it was impossible for her not to come.I think she must be playing a prank and deliberately scaring me.With such mental preparation, I purposely kept silent, trying to frighten her instead.Sure enough, there was a black shadow sitting on the altar in the distance. I walked over gently, and when I was about ten meters away from the black shadow, I stopped and looked at the shadow silently without speaking.Obviously this was Xie Jingwen, the black shadow was sitting there motionless like a little bear.We had a stalemate for almost ten minutes, and everyone was comparing strength and patience.After ten minutes, I thought the game was not interesting at all, so I greeted her.What makes me feel strange is that I yelled several times, but the black shadow didn't respond at all. I finally got anxious and said loudly, "Xie Jingwen, what are you doing?" Black Shadow still didn't respond at all. I said again: "Xie Jingwen, I'm timid, don't scare me, okay?" The black shadow remained motionless, like a statue. When I walked up to the black shadow and wanted to reach out to touch it, I suddenly felt a chill.Suddenly, I was a little scared, and my self-confidence began to waver.If it wasn't Xie Jingwen in front of me, who would it be?Am I being too reckless? Under the moonlight, the black shadow is wearing a strange dress on his head. My head was a little confused, and my voice began to tremble: "Hello, is that you, Xie Jingwen." Xie Jingwen finally burst out laughing. I sighed deeply, and sure enough, I was teased by her again.In order to cover up the panic just now, I continued to say in that trembling voice: "I'm so scared, I was almost scared to death by you!" "It's not easy to scare a bad guy like you to death." I smiled and said, "Death is not far away." It was on that cool granite altar that we did it logically.This was my first real sexual experience, without any warning, it started as soon as I said it, and it happened when I said it happened.Still the same sentence, many things in the world have no reason at all, they will happen naturally, and when it is time to do something, what will be done naturally.I never dreamed that the ending would be like this. The altar seemed to be specially prepared for us. It was wide and big, and it was born as a small bed.This altar seems to be born to be used for pleasure.At such a crazy time and a crazy place, no matter what kind of crazy behavior the two young lonely men and women do, I'm afraid it's not too crazy.The moonlight was like a wash, Xie Jingwen took off the dress on her head and spread it flat on the altar, just like a teacher asking a question to a student, asking me seriously if I want to compare her with Ayan. I foolishly asked, "What's the difference?" Xie Jingwen said: "Hey, are you really confused or fake confused?" The silver moonlight has become the best protective color. Under the cover of the moonlight, we are no longer shy. Seeing that I still showed some hesitation, Xie Jingwen sneered and said: "Fourth, you must think I'm frivolous. Well, I'll be frivolous for you today." Her behavior not only surprised her, but also surprised me.Xie Jingwen suddenly and bluntly asked me to do it quickly and asked me to take off her clothes.Instigated by her, I started to undress her nervously, one by one, layer by layer, and quickly took off her clothes.Even under the moonlight, her skin is as white as jade.Compared with the strong and strong Ah Yan, Xie Jingwen is more like a little girl who has just developed.She lay down on the altar, lying face up like this, her breast was just a small lump of meat, like a bird lying there, although small, it was full of vitality, as if as soon as I let go, it would It's like flying out immediately. It all happened so suddenly, I wanted to act like an old hand, to act like I already had experience in this area, but she immediately saw that I was lying, that I didn't know what was going on. big boy.She showed more initiative and boldness than I did, in fact, without her help in this close contest, I couldn't even find the entrance.My performance was so embarrassing that I couldn't even pass the exam. Almost immediately after I entered it, I threw away my helmet and armor.Xie Jingwen laughed, and she giggled, asking if you and Ayan didn't have the same experience, could it be that you and her are also vulnerable. Xie Jingwen's words made me feel ashamed, and I wished I could turn around and get under the belly of the altar. Xie Jingwen said: "Seeing how stupid you are, I knew it was the first time." I said nothing. "You and Ayan really haven't had that kind of experience?" I remained silent. Xie Jingwen didn't want to embarrass me too much, saying that this is not a fool at all, men and women are the same, when doing it for the first time, they don't understand what they are doing, and they don't know how to do it.However, she obviously liked my clumsy performance, especially when she was sure that it was my first time, and she actually squealed with joy.She said triumphantly, you are really stupid, Ah Yan will be annoyed to death in the future, because you gave me the first time. I said, "Can you not mention Ayan now?" "Why can't you mention Ah Yan?" "Don't mention her please!" "I'm going to mention it, I'm going to mention it," she realized that I was really anxious, and she was even more proud, "Okay, don't mention her, we won't mention her." I felt very regretful, and immediately thought of what Ayan would think and feel when she found out about this.I don't know how sad it would be for her to think about what we did and still talk about her like that.I suddenly felt that what I did was too wrong, and I did something that should not be done at all.How could my fourth child do such a thing, I am so sorry for Ah Yan who is far away in Nanjing.At that time, I was even more sad that it was not the first time I had sex with Ah Yan. Since I like her so much, the beautiful first time in the world should of course be with Ah Yan.I regret not getting that done with Ah Yeon sooner. Xie Jingwen saw that I was silent, and asked me gently what I was thinking. I said, "I don't think so." "You're not thinking about anything, are you?" "Of course I didn't think about anything." "I must be thinking of Ah Yan! Sorry, I mentioned her again." I said angrily: "No, why do you think about her at this time." Of course I will not be able to tell Xie Jingwen what I really think.I want to forget Ah Yeon, but I can't forget at all.Because I can't forget it, my heart is not happy at all.Xie Jingwen noticed that I was preoccupied and stopped talking.She didn't speak, and I felt I had to find something to say. I said, "I didn't expect today to be so bad, how could I be like this." "How about it?" "I didn't expect it to be so fast." "What fast?" "It would be so bad." I made Xie Jingwen think that my depression was just because of this, because I didn't perform well enough.她立刻安慰我，说第一次都这样，说过一会你就好起来，过一会你就又会成为一名真正的男子汉，成为一名英勇不屈的大英雄。她抓起我的手，轻轻地摇了几下，然后把我的手放在她的那个地方，嘴凑到我的耳边，先吻了我一下，低声说： “别以为自己是个老实的乖孩子，你绝对不是。” 这时候，我已经把阿妍忘到脑后去了。 谢静文说：“你很快就又会不老实的，你才不会不老实呢。” 我当然不会老实。 谢静文说：“怎么样，我说你不老实。” 谢静文那天留给我的印象，更像一名称职的讲解员。在接下来的时间里，她像老师一样为我上起课来。她以自己的身体作为教材，在妩媚的月光下，讲授她所掌握的性知识。我很快就忘掉了阿妍，是真的彻底地遗忘。一个男人在这时候，即使是刚刚出过洋相，也不可能对谢静文诱人的身体无动于衷。我很快又冲动起来，又一次进入实战状态。在接下来的战斗中，仿佛是另一个让我陌生的老四在冲刺，在英勇奋战搏杀。烈士陵园阴森森的环境，对我们的情绪没有任何影响。第二次完事后不久，紧接着又是第三次。这第三次干得十分出色，我情不自禁地又开始怀念起阿妍来。 “我不在乎你心里想着谁，”谢静文突然喃喃地对我说，“老四，我现在就是你最想的那个人，你要是想阿妍，我就是阿妍，你正在和她做这件事，你们干得热火朝天，你们干得死去活来。爱怎么想就怎么想吧，我才不在乎你想什么。” “你不是阿妍。” "I'm." "No, you're not." “我是，我是，我就是。” 这是一种非常独特的感受，一种十分奇妙的情形。明知道这样不妥，明知道这样不好，可是我还真有一种与阿妍在一起的错觉。我觉得自己正在一次又一次地向阿妍发起攻击。我仿佛听见阿妍在召唤，她在说你来好了，你来吧。是阿妍在发向我发起挑战，是阿妍在引诱我，我仿佛听见她在呻吟，仿佛听见她在欢呼。显然，谢静文和我一样，都是一边在做事，一边在想着另外一个人。谢静文知道我忘不了阿妍，因为她和我如出一辙，在这个美妙的时刻，也刻骨铭心地想念着罗文。我们各自心怀鬼胎，沉着应战，陷入到了一场谁也不肯认输的战斗之中。到后来，谁都不说话了，都把对方当作成自己的恋人，我们在心里疯狂地呼喊着，一遍又一遍地重复另一个人的名字。 那天晚上，前前后后共疯狂了四次。天终于亮了，东方出现了红色的朝霞，阳光开始照耀在我们身上。我已经筋疲力尽，却又一次想跃跃欲试。谢静文果断地把我推下供桌，说不行，你不能这样，身体要弄坏的。 谢静文对男欢女爱有一些独到的见解。她形容做那事就像大草原上骑马，如果一个人骑着马，紧贴在你身边奔驰而过，你会觉得很快，你会觉得太快，你会觉得什么还没有感受到，你会什么都感受不到。你会觉得事情刚开始就结束了，会觉得甚至还没有开始就已经结束了。你会觉得马蹄声已经一路飞奔而去，即使想奋力去追赶也来不及。男欢女爱应该是一门伟大的艺术，谢静文恰恰非常精通这门学问。她说你应该感觉到自己是漫游在无边无际的大草原上，不知道是从何来，不知道要到何处去。看不到尽头，远处是地平线，天和地连成了一体。你应该是从高高的天空上往下俯看，你看见那骏马向你远远地急奔过来，骏马离你是那么地遥远，它一路飞奔，渐渐地近了，越来越近，终于到达你的身边，然后又缓缓地离你而去，去远了，突然掉转头来，再次向你狂奔过来。你一次又一次听见了急促的马蹄声，马蹄声近了，马蹄声震耳欲聋，马蹄声像狂风夹着暴雨，雨点像石子一样地打在地上。 谢静文的父亲是国民党军队中的将领，后来做了共产党的俘虏，作为战犯关了很多年。作为特赦的反动军官的女儿，谢静文自小就有一种替父亲赎罪的内疚心理，对吴王山的烈士陵园有着别人更深的特殊情感，她觉得在这里看书学习，能产生一种奋发向上的力量。说起来十分荒唐，我们都喜欢这个阴森森的地方。我们喜欢这个地下到处都埋着尸骨的古战场。在那张冰凉的大理石供桌上，我和谢静文神魂颠倒，度过了无数个美好的夜晚。供桌的大理石石材，据说就取自当地，它永远透着一些刺骨的寒意。夏日里，成群结队的蚊子飞来飞去，我与谢静文赤裸的身体上，到处都是被蚊子叮咬的红肿块。 有一段时候，我相信那是十分美好的日子。我想说我差不多已经爱上了谢静文。毫无疑问，我从来也没有忘记过阿妍，阿妍还在源源不断地给我写信，我也在断断续续地给她回信。说老实话，我并没有真的变心，我只不过是想到变心，想忘掉阿妍。我已经在考虑怎么与阿妍断绝关系，因为当时我和谢静文之间的关系越来越那个，越来越不像话。我们常常两个人睡在一起，共同讨论阿妍给我的来信。阿妍的来信仍然像以往一样热烈奔放，谢静文研究着信中的每一句话，时不时发出深深感慨。 “女人傻起来，真是没有底！”在大家兴致正好的时候，谢静文会突然开始这样的话题，“阿妍怎么会想到，你竟然是这么一个忘恩负义的东西。” 我无话可说，只好用罗文来抵挡。 谢静文说：“别跟我提那个忘恩负义的东西，他和你一样，都他娘的不是人！” 甚至是在做爱的途中，我们也会进行这方面的讨论。 谢静文悻悻地说：“罗文跟阿妍也不一样，他根本就不爱我。” “但你还是忘不了罗文。” “罗文跟你不一样。” “怎么又不一样了？” 我和谢静文这样的关系，持续了有一年多。就在我和她有了那样的关系不久，在烈士陵园纪念碑上题字的那位将军忽然要官复原职，正式上任前，由几个人陪着前来扫墓。这立刻成为一件大事，县里赶快拨款修缮，为是否应该将供桌移到原来的位置上展开争论。有人还是坚持文化大革命初期的观点，说祭祀革命烈士可以，搞封建迷信不行。也有人提醒说，那将军的脾气大得狠，江山易改，本性难移，虽然是经过文化大革命的洗礼，他的火爆脾气未必就会有所改变。据说将军所以要来扫墓，就是因为听说墓地有所破坏，来者不善，他很可能是兴师问罪来了。经过一番讨论研究，结果同意一切照旧，尽量恢复到原来的样子，将供桌移到纪念碑底下，那个香炉已经打碎，想恢复原样也不可能。 将军来到烈士陵园，二话没说跪下磕头，连磕了三个响头，然后暴跳如雷，追问供桌上的香炉到那去了。陪同的人不知是什么好，那将军便连粗话也骂出来了。县革委会的一位领导正好在场，将军指着这位领导的鼻子，规定他在多少天内，一定把香炉重新配好，并且到每年清明的时候，一定要组织当地的老百姓来祭扫。要种树，还要养花，要种名贵的树，养名贵的花。将军就是将军，一通脾气发得县领导再也不敢有脾气。这以后不久，供桌上便有了新的香炉，每到清明前后，源源不断地有人来扫墓。附近的中学生小学生也被组织起来， 在纪念碑前排队默哀，然后异口同声地宣誓。 谢静文曾在这客串过一段时间的讲解员，烈士陵园的管理权已经交给了公社，公社没有专门的讲解员，只能临时将她从小学里抽调出来，因为她普通话说得好。谢静文的讲解给当地群众留下了深刻的印象，不光是因为她的普通话好，而且因为她说了许多连当地人都不知道的奇闻轶事。为了做好讲解员，谢静文甚至跑到了北京的历史档案馆。她这人有一种做什么事都认真的死脾气，那一段日子，她查了很多资料，采访了不少人，竟然想要为这烈士陵园写一本书。 我们的幽会地点后来挪到了谢静文的宿舍，由于她不断地变换男朋友，当地的老百姓对她印象并不好，风言风语到处流传。那时候的人都是很保守的，尤其是在性观念方面，我也曾为这件事深深地嫉妒过。说老实话，我觉得谢静文太开放，太放纵自己，太不把男女之间的事情当回事。我一直觉得自己对不起阿妍，觉得自己太肮脏了，根本配不上她。那时候，我是真的想和阿妍分手，是真的准备和谢静文结婚。也许，我并不是真的喜欢谢静文，但是就算不是真喜欢，我还是做好了娶她的准备。我觉得这种事应该从一而终，既然已经到了这一步，男子汉大丈夫，应该有一种责任感，我想证明自己比她所爱的任何男人更好，比她所接触过的任何男人更强。我觉得我已经做好了拯救她的准备，挽救她也就是挽救我自己。 但是谢静文根本就不领这个情，她觉得这事很可笑，觉得我是在扮演一个自己根本不能胜任的角色。为了表明郑重其事，我特意选了一个具有纪念意义的地点，来表明自己要和她结婚的愿望。在一个月明之夜，我们又一次并排坐在那张已经移了位置的供桌上，仰望着圆圆的月亮，我突然明白无误地表明了自己要娶她的决心。 谢静文吃了一惊，说：“老四，你不会是真爱上了我吧？” "I think so." “你想过没有，想没想过我可能不爱你？” “我并不在乎你爱不爱我。” "What does it mean?" “因为我在想，我想我喜欢你，这已经足够了。” 谢静文沉默了一会，意味深长地说：“那阿妍呢？” 我一时不知说什么好。 谢静文说：“你应该把这个问题想明白了，然后再来向我求婚。” 我说我已经想好，我想我确实是想好了。 谢静文沉默了很长时间，突然问我到底是喜欢她什么： “你告诉我，你看中了我的哪一点？” 我说这说不清楚，反正是喜欢你。 月光下的谢静文显然非常妩媚，她非常自信：“我当然值得你喜欢，我又没什么不好，除了不像你那个阿妍那么纯洁无知之外，我想我是比她强，各方面都别她强，喂，你说呢？” 我说：“你比她强也好，你不如她也好，反正我要娶你！” 谢静文斩钉截铁地说：“老四，那么我可以明确地告诉你，谢静文不会嫁给你。我绝对不会嫁给你。你知道，我们并不合适，我知道你的好意，也谢谢你的这种所谓好意。但是，你要明白，老四，你应该明白，我不是玛丝洛娃，我是安娜。卡列尼娜，别做傻事了，没人需要你来挽救。” 我到后来才知道她说的是托尔斯泰小说中的两个人物。我问她玛丝洛娃是谁，安娜。卡列尼娜又是谁。当时我根本不知道谢静文说的是什么意思，我想到她可能会拒绝我，却没有想到她会这样拒绝。那时候，我们又没看过多少外国小说，哪有这种文化知识，刚问完就后悔了，因为她的嘴角已经露出了不屑。谢静文跟我不一样，她有个大伯是很有名的大学教授，人家是在书香门弟里长大的。我的文化知识怎么能和她比，谢静文心高气傲地冷笑了一会，说那不过是两个小说中的人物，既然我不知道，也就没必要再多解释了。她常常是这样，说着说着就会深刻起来，说着说着我就不太明白她要说什么。虽然我也是文化大革命前的老高中，用今天的话来说，我们其实还是大老粗，根本没读过什么书，我老四跟她完全不一样。人家才叫是知识分子，人家才叫是有文化，说老实话，我们之间的差距非常大，当时我只想到自己配不上阿妍，没想到我更配不上谢静文。 不错，谢静文是曾经开过玩笑，而且不止一次说过这样的话，说我和她还是很班配的。我们的家庭成份都不好，因为出身不好，别的知青都走了，只有我们还像弃儿一样被留在农村。或许正是因为这一点，我一直以为我们是真的班配，不知道这不过是一种错觉，是一场美丽的误会。其实我们根本就不是一路人，我们从来就不合适。我们只不过是两个偶然在路上相遇的陌生人，大家都很年轻，都被彼此的身体所吸引，都想尽快地忘掉什么，都想尽快地摆脱什么，偏偏有些东西，既忘不掉也摆脱不了。我感觉良好地下决心要娶谢静文，甚至觉得这是个了不起的壮举。当时确实是在扮演一个拯救者的角色，我自欺欺人地认为可以对她以往的生活不追究。我自欺欺人地认为，老四如果不站出来拯救，她很可能就此走上一条堕落的不归之路。我觉得谢静文已经走到河边了，老四必须伸出手拉她一把。 谢静文并没有明说我配不上她，她只是一再强调我们有缘没分，有开始不会有结局。在男女关系上，谢静文既有些随意，容易感情冲动，又显得特别理智，绝不让感情冲昏头脑。她明确表示我们两个人之间的秘密，不应该让任何人知道，并且觉得我还是应该与阿妍好，觉得阿妍更适合我，和阿妍成为夫妻才是真正的天作之合。谢静文很轻易地把情和欲这两个玩意完全分开来，就好像用刀把西瓜一剖两半，我得到的只是其中的一部分。这意味着，我们在性爱的大草原上驰骋的时候，谢静文的脑海里出现的并不是我。思念的永远是别的男人，她更怀念那些抛弃了她的男人。这些男人背叛了她，因为背叛，因为伤害，所以刻骨铭心。这些男人成了她为人处事的动力，谢静文绝对是一个不容易打倒的女人，困难和挫折改变不了她，只能让她变得更加坚强。谢静文一直都在努力，她要努力证明那些男人都错了，她要让他们后悔，她要证明给他们看： “如果我谢静文要是没出息，就一辈子不结婚。” 我和谢静文完事后，她害怕怀孕，总是撇开了两条腿，像骑马一样跨在小溪上，用流水一遍又一遍地清洗。在做这件事的时候，她永远都是特别认真，真正的一丝不苟。清澈的小溪从吴王山上流下来，像条小蛇一样蜿蜒流淌，发出了潺潺的流水声，在烈士陵园这里拐一个弯，一直流到公社所在的小镇上。我们就住在这个小镇上，在那有一个半大不小的池塘，全镇的人都喝这池塘里的水。 谢静文喜欢直截了当，她喜欢在最不恰当的时候，突然提到阿妍。我一直疑心这是有意的，因为她最喜欢在做那件事的关键时刻，突然谈起那些与她有过交往的男人。我怀疑她是故意通过这些话题，来分散我的注意力。她希望我愤怒，希望我嫉妒，希望我发狂，希望我做出一些出格的举动。有些故事已经复述了好多遍，颠来倒去，你根本弄不明白她究竟是恨那些男人，还是爱那些男人。谢静文永远喜欢玩的一个游戏，就是没完没了地将那些男人进行排名，这种无聊的小孩子才玩的游戏，她永远也不会厌烦。 我被无数遍地问起，在谢静文和阿妍中间，在我所爱的这两个女人中间，谁应该排名在第一位。对于这个问题，事实上，无论你怎么回答，谢静文都不可能满意。 我于是模棱两可地说：“有时候是你，有时候是阿妍。” “那现在呢？” “现在自然是你。” 谢静文有些不高兴。 我就说：“现在真的是你。” 这么说了以后，我立刻感到很尴尬，感到自己无耻，感到遥远的阿妍已经听到了这个答案。 然而谢静文仍然不满意，冷笑着说： “现在是我，那就是说，过去不是我，将来也不是我。” 谢静文自己的排名名次也不止一次让我感到恼火，她总是把我摆在第二名的位置上，而排名第一的那个男人，不停地在变。她就是这么有心气我，有心让我嫉妒。那时候，她起码和五个男人有过那种关系。在我脸色不好看的时候，她就安慰我，说你虽然不是排名第一，可是你的平均排名并不低呀。你想想，你怎么能和他们比，你怎么能和人家罗文比，你怎么能和人家王哲军比。谢静文有时候真是有些不要脸，我因此非常愤怒，恨不得在她脸上啐上一口： “让你的那个什么平均排名见鬼去！” 看见我真生气了，她假装想起来了什么，故意寻开心。“对了，有一项数据，你老四是可以排在第一的，”说完，她不怀好意地格格笑起来。 “什么数据？” “这你还知道？” 我说：“你要是我老婆，我非宰了那些鸟男人。” “所以我不肯做你老婆。” 我气呼呼地说不出话来。 谢静文又说：“你现在知道我为什么不愿意当你的老婆？” 我当时最大的苦恼，是不知道如何从这些该死的烦恼中解脱出来。这些烦恼非常纠缠人。我不能和阿妍结婚，谢静文又不肯嫁给我。事实上，和谢静文的火热关系，并没有让我忘了阿妍，恰恰相反，因为内疚，因为自责，我更加疯狂地想念她，如痴如醉地渴望着向她倾诉。差不多已有两年时间，我没有见到阿妍，我当时是没有勇气再见她。只要一想到我和谢静文之间发生的那些事情，只要一想到我们那么频繁的身体接触，我便感到无地自容。到过春节前，大家纷纷回家探亲，知青像大雁一样往自己家飞，我却必须找个不回南京的借口，这个借口根本就站不住脚。 我当时既想见到阿妍，又更有些怕见到她。我怕自己会情不自禁地把什么都说出来。我开始在信中不断地发牢骚，变得怨天忧人，没完没了地发泄着不满情绪。阿妍让我不要生她母亲的气，说她会耐心地等我一辈子。我说这样拖下去，对你来说太不公平，我说我欠你的太多了，虱多不痒，债多不愁，债欠得太多，以后会偿还不了。我说我感到很内疚，感到太对不起她了。阿妍说你别说傻话，我真的会等你的，你什么时候调回南京，我们就什么时候结婚，我等你一生一世，我等你一辈子。我说万一我真调回不来怎么办，她说，你真回不来，也等，我不相信我们会一辈子分开。她说两个相爱的人，什么力量都拆不开的。 阿妍表示，如果最后要是实在没办法，她就再一次下乡，大不了和我一起做一辈子的农民。 我没办法形容我当时是多么地爱阿妍。如果当时有机会让我为她去死，我将毫不犹豫，我会把那看作是最大的幸福。只阿妍能宽恕我，我做出什么样的牺牲都愿意。我决定改邪归正，决定把与谢静文的事情坦白出来。如果不能获得阿妍的宽恕，我的心灵将永远也不会平静。在没有得到她的宽恕之前，我永远也不会感到坦然和平静。那时候，真是有过很激烈很激烈的思想斗争。我和谢静文进行了讨论，我向她摊牌，说出自己的想法，她却像教育小孩一样开导我，问我的目的究竟何在，问我究竟想干什么。 “你究竟想让你的那个阿妍高兴，还是要她不高兴？你究竟是想得到她，还是想失去她？老四，这些问题你一定要想想明白，我觉得你的脑袋现在有些发热，你有些不正常了。你们是很好的一对，你们天生就应该做夫妻的，要我说，该隐瞒的事就应该隐瞒，为什么非要把什么事情都说出来，你是不是觉得我们的事特别恶心，非要说出来才痛快，非要说出来才心安。老四，并不是什么事，都应该拿出来见太阳的。” 我连续两年过春节没有回南京探亲。这两年，谢静文都回去了，而且每次都与阿妍见面。她真是个天才的好演员，因为她知道如果不与阿妍见面，不与阿妍叙叙旧谈谈知心话，阿妍反而会起疑心。经过与阿妍见面，谢静文更加坚定了要成全我们的信心。她一再强调自己所以这么做，并不是为了她，也不是为了我，而是因为阿妍这人实在太好了，对这样的好人，我们没有理由再伤害她。 谢静文说，老四，你要想想，有这样一个痴心的女孩子喜欢你，你实在是太幸福了。 谢静文又说，老四，你很心里很乱，我们也许确实不应该这样。 有一天，她对我背诵了一首诗歌，我记不清那是谁的诗，只知道是个外国人的，开头的第一句就是： “我们的心多么顽固。” 谢静文喜欢偷偷地写些诗，她的诗我看不太懂，都是爱情什么的，充满了哲理，而且根本就不押韵。我还能记得当时那首诗的意思，诗人恳求情人即使不爱他，也应该装出爱的样子来。这是个神经兮兮的诗人，他渴望情人那怕只是骗他一下也好，理由是对于一个渴望爱情的人来说，假装去爱也并不是什么太大的过错。 “这诗说得多好，老四你知道，人那心呀，有时候真的很顽固。”谢静文充满了感叹说，“当然，如果没有真的爱情，来的假的，也未必就是什么坏事。” 谢静文就是这么一个充满了矛盾的人，说什么都对，话到了她嘴里，怎么说都行。她天生喜欢唱高调，喜欢强词夺理，喜欢说那些能把你绕糊涂的话。我总是跟不上她那些稀奇古怪的想法，谢静文的和别人不一样的东西实在太多，你常常弄不明白她究竟想干什么。说老实话，和她在一起，最大的好处是你觉得从来不欠她的情。如果说我们之间玩的并不是什么真的感情游戏，但是我可以肯定，绝对也没有掺杂着什么假的东西，我们之间没有那种虚情假意。谢静文是我一生中遇到的最不可思议的女人，你和她往来，并不觉得欠她什么，她从来不会死皮赖脸地缠着你，她根本不需要的你的同情，甚至也不需要你的爱。 多少年以后，谢静文和一个金发蓝眼的外国人搂在一起，突然出现在我开的那家小餐馆里。这绝对是一次无意的偶然遭遇，和她一起走进来的外国男人，看上去要比她小好多岁。刚进门的时候，我们相互一怔，很快认出了对方是谁。但是并没有打招呼，我们都有些心照不宣，都假装不认识。一时间，我怀疑自己会不会认错了人，毕竟一晃已经快二十年，经历了太多的沧桑。就好像是两股道上跑的火车，我们又一次在一个陌生的小站上遇到了。这次遭遇的时间其实很短，谢静文和那个外国人坐了下来，大大咧咧点菜，在大家的注视下，叽哩咕噜地和他说着什么。那个外国人很平静地仰着脖子听她说话，一边听，一边点头。谢静文只是在临走的时候，才向我走过来，说你不是老四吗。她好像刚认出我一样，春风满面地说，老四，我没认错人吧。她用英语向旁边的男人介绍，一口气说了半天。谢静文告诉我那外国人是她现在的老公，说她已经是美国一家大学的副教授，然后一阵风一样又突然消失了，就像什么也没发生过一样。