Chapter 3 How Obstinate Our Hearts Are - Chapter 3

How Obstinate Our Hearts Are - Chapter 3 It is no longer clear how I felt when I was transferred back to Nanjing.When I was desperate, when I felt that there was no way out, when I was most desperate, the order to return to the city came suddenly.I remember that I was working at that time, the machine roared in the workshop, and my hands were covered with oil. A deputy director of the agricultural machinery factory came to me and reported the good news with a smile.To be honest, my mood at the time was of course happy, but it was not particularly happy.A large number of educated youths have returned to the city one after another. Among the people who went to the countryside together to join the queue and settle down, I am almost among the last batch.I have been looking forward to this day for too long. Before and after, I have been in the countryside for eight years. After these eight years, I have no confidence in being a person in the city again.

Heart, I have long been disheartened.At that time, it was the eve of smashing the Gang of Four, my five livers and six internal organs were already numb, and my heart was already callused. Ah Yan and I got married almost immediately, and everyone came to congratulate us, saying that the fourth child has found a good woman who is affectionate and righteous.At this time, I was already thirty years old. Among the educated youths who jumped in the queue together, many couples parted ways because of the difference in the order of returning to the city.Everyone praised Ah Yan's unchanging heart, and said that it is not easy for lovers like us to get married in the end, so that they can stand the test of time.One after another, people came to offer a toast to me. I have never had a capacity for alcohol, and no matter how much others tried to persuade me, I refused to drink more.It turned out that Feng Rui was the one who got drunk that day. He had already graduated from college and was assigned to the Municipal Bureau of Commerce. At that time, it was still the era of planned economy. Buying cigarettes, alcohol, and even soy sauce had to be based on a ticket, so almost everyone who knew Feng Rui Everyone flatters and flatters him, and flatters him.

Feng Rui walked in front of us unsteadily, his articulate words were no longer clear: "Fourth, you must drink with me, we brothers must drink—" Xie Jingwen also came over with a wine glass. She went back to Nanjing one step ahead of me. At that time, she left after receiving the transfer order, and didn't even say hello to me.This is the only time we have seen after returning to the city. She stopped Feng Rui, blushed and said with a hint of drunkenness: "You kid, don't rely on your own ability to drink, come, I will drink with you." Feng Rui said: "It's not like the two of us are getting married, what kind of wine should I drink with you?"

Xie Jingwen immediately put on a straight face and said, "Don't drink like crazy, just drink if you want to drink, if you don't drink, get out!" "Drink, drink, whoever drinks with me today, I will drink." I don't know if anyone knows about my relationship with Xie Jingwen, anyway, Ah Yan is not at all wary.At the wedding, what everyone talked about the most was who broke up with whom, who broke up with whom, and then reconciled and got married.Among the group of educated youths who went to the countryside together, the marriage between Ayan and I was definitely a late marriage, and the children who married earlier were already going to primary school.After eating, it is a new house. There are many people and the room is small, so we can only go in and visit in batches. It is like stuffing meat buns, and the new house is about to explode.The living conditions of our family were not good, only one room. This time, in order to allow me to get married, a small room was forced to be separated from the big room.At that time, it was popular to use particle board as a partition wall. Through a thin layer of wall, the sound of coughing and talking outside could be heard clearly.The carpenter who worked was also an educated youth. When he was making the partition wall, he jokingly said to me:

"Be sure to take it easy in the future, this particle board is too thin." I don't want to say that our married life was extremely happy.Happiness is like this, you look forward to it, and if you really get it, it's just that.Many things are unexpected, and many things are not as beautiful as originally imagined.Ah Yan once made me so fascinated, once made me so mesmerized.I have fantasized about our first night countless times, but the dream came true, and when it came to the wedding night, I was a little at a loss.The snoring outside was clearly audible through the thin particleboard walls.It was such a coincidence that Ah Yan happened to have a woman's thing on her body, and she felt very sorry for it.The person who made the new house left quickly, and everyone felt that the newlyweds' good time should not be delayed, and they were still talking about those hinted jokes before leaving.It wasn't like it is now, when weddings were often really wedding nights, and people were absolutely convinced that we probably hadn't done anything, they were absolutely convinced that we were all newbies.

Ah Yeon and I both know that we can't do that kind of thing these days.In the little brochure of the newlyweds, there is such a thing clearly and unmistakably written.Now, how to spend our wedding night has become a big problem.In this regard, I was not mentally prepared at all, and Ah Yan didn't know what to do.This is simply a prank, God is deliberately joking with the fourth child.There's nothing more overwhelming than this, finally looking forward to this moment, we can't do anything but touch each other, and I end up letting her hold my little one all night. brother.Ah Yan is of course very ignorant in this regard, I lay there thinking wildly, with myriad thoughts and wild imaginations.At this time, it is impossible not to think wildly, or to go crazy if you don’t want to.I thought of my infidelity, and the crazy things I did with Xie Jingwen on the altar table in the martyrs cemetery, and I felt guilty and apologetic.

People at that time really didn't understand many things, Ah Yan was a little shy, and even more curious, she held on to my little brother tightly and refused to lose it.We lay there quietly, unable to sleep at all.We are powerless, and we have nowhere to use our strength. I feel hopeless and ridiculous.Since the new house was only separated from the outside by a thin layer of wooden boards, we didn't dare to say anything in the dead of night.I can only quietly listen to my father's wanton snoring outside, and the sound of my sister or my mother turning over on the bed.In the dead of night, there was a little movement outside, which could be heard clearly.Like an unyielding warrior, my little brother stood up countless times, and just about to fall, with Ayan's support, he suddenly raised his spirits and stood up like a monument.

Ah Yan nicknamed my little brother "Shovel Handle".It was one of the most wonderful discoveries of her wedding night, and she prided herself on her imagination for it.This old-fashioned shovel is no longer seen, and it has only been two or three decades, and the old-fashioned wooden-handled shovel has been completely eliminated.In the past, every household used this kind of spatula for cooking. The front piece was made of metal, and the back was a long, round wooden handle.Ah Yeon connected my little brother to the round wooden handle.I jokingly said to Ah Yan that the metaphor of "shovel handle" is not accurate, because I think my little brother is not that long, but much thicker than that thing.

Ah Yan just laughed, saying that it doesn't matter whether she is tall or thick, the key is a feeling, the kind of association that can't help it.She was referring to the way a man looks when he is erect, and she said she couldn't help laughing when she thought of the metaphor, sometimes while cooking with the handle of a spatula in her hand.This night, I was very uncomfortable, after all, I survived the whole night without doing anything.This feeling is not very comfortable, it can be called suffering.The next day, I felt very tired, very embarrassed, more tired than the crazy first night I spent with Xie Jingwen.This is obviously a punishment, and I deserve it, a retribution for my wrong behavior.

Ah Yan and I always have conflicting working hours. When she comes back from get off work, it's almost time for me to go to work.And the rest days are not the same day. We all work in the service industry and have a rotation system.I was assigned to learn to be a cook in a famous restaurant. Although I was thirty years old, I just started apprenticeship.At that time, the most unsatisfactory thing was that there was almost no way to enjoy myself.I'm talking about the matter between the husband and wife. Although we have become a legal couple, we are always sneaking around because the living environment is really bad, really bad.

Living with a large family is not good, especially if the house is small.I have lived in such an environment since I was a child. Our family of five has lived in a house of about 30 square meters for many years. At that time, there was no bathroom in the house. Since I was sensible, my mother and my sister My sister, all in front of my face toilet.Later, when I grew up, they put a piece of cloth in the corner, but they often forgot to pull it up.In our family, yin and yang are always in decline, women's aura is always strong, mother is always complaining about father, and father is always silent.They carelessly go to the toilet, sit on the toilet and chat, in order to show that they are the masters of the house. My mother is a half-new, half-old figure, a female high school student, and my grandfather was in the silk business and opened a shop in the south of the city.At that time, it was pretty good for a girl to finish middle school. In addition, when my mother married my father, she was a complete little beauty. When she looked at the photos of herself at that time, she couldn't help but sigh and complain. , Said that he never dreamed that his life would be so unsatisfactory.When my mother got married, it was also the most proud period for my father. At that time, he was the martial arts instructor of the military academy, and he was dressed in a serious military uniform.It's a pity that this good day will soon be gone forever, the Kuomintang has lost the world, my father has become a member of the four categories, and he has become a historical counter-revolutionary, and everything has changed. I have been sleeping in the same bed with my father since I was a child. For a long time, our family had two beds. My father and I shared a bed, and my mother, older sister and younger sister shared a bed.After marrying Ah Yan, I have been thinking about my father and mother's life.In fact, the relationship between the parents has not been very good, the father's mind is spent on punching, and the mother has been relatively depressed all her life.Their disharmonious marriage left a deep shadow on us as children.They are husband and wife, but they are not husband and wife. They are traveling together, because although they live in the same house and have been husband and wife for fifty years, they always sleep in separate beds.Throughout my mother's life, the relationship with my father has always been non-existent. When others talk about the hardships of the separation of husband and wife, she feels that this is nothing at all.She had never been separated from her father in her life, but she lived a real separated life. Of course, it doesn't mean that there is no such thing between them. It is impossible for the three children to fall from the sky for no reason. What I want to say is that their marriage definitely has serious problems. The relationship between the two is extremely cold. As children, We hardly ever see any jokes between them.No one in this family has the least respect for his father. We never call him "Dad" in person, and we don't bother to call him, and he doesn't care.We don't even feel that there is anything wrong with our father in this life. His later historical counter-revolutionary hat finally ceased to exist, and he was rehabilitated. It seems that his value has been rediscovered. He was hired by a university as a martial arts coach. I got the title of an associate professor, but my whole family was influenced by my mother, plus The habit developed over the years still doesn't take him seriously.When my father was down and out, my mother looked down on him. Now that he is no longer down and out, my mother still looks down on him in order to show that her views in the past were good. In fact, it's not just about my father. In our family, no one has the minimum respect for anyone.When Ayan and I got married, my older sister was already married. My younger sister was married once, but she left soon after and came back home again.My younger sister has a very bad temper. From the very beginning, she didn't like Ah Yan, and she liked to be provocative.Every time I was anxious to do that thing, Ah Yan always whispered in my ear, telling me to be quiet and not to make any noise, so as not to let my sister outside hear me.One night, my movements were a little louder, and the next morning, my sister asked with a straight face if we had a fight last night, and why the voice was so loud.Ah Yan's face turned red immediately, I pretended not to hear, but this girl said aggressively again: "Fourth, may I ask you something?" "What's up?" "Okay, are you really confused or fake confused?" In such an environment, it is almost impossible to find the joy of making love.I always thought that after marrying Ah Yan, life would be very sweet, but after we got married, the two of us were really together, everything was different from what I had imagined.Life will never be as good as imagined.Ah Yan seems to just regard that matter as the duty of his wife, she thinks it is only my business, as long as it can satisfy me and finish the work, so I often waste all my energy, no matter how hard I try, there is no response. Busy is in vain.We couldn't find any feeling at all. Every time Ah Yan just hoped that the incident would end as soon as possible. She lay there motionless like an outsider. As long as there was a little abnormal sound, she would gently pat my back. would pinch my ass and warn me not to be too presumptuous. When doing that, Ah Yan whispered to me, either "lighten up" or "speed up".The disharmony between us, of course, does not only refer to this matter.In terms of finances, there are often minor quarrels, not with me of course, but mainly with my mother.After getting married, her natal family stipulated that Ah Yan must take out half of the money every month to supplement the family.At that time, I was already in my early thirties, and I was still getting an apprentice’s salary, so I had the audacity to take advantage of my parents.We live and eat at the house here, and there is no food allowance, so my mother feels that it is too disadvantageous. She mainly thinks that Ayan eats everything, and here she doesn't pay a penny, but she still has to subsidize her mother's family.Like my sister, my mother is a woman who doesn't want to take things easy. There are some small bumps in my stomach, and I have to tell them to be happy, and I have to quarrel to enjoy myself. To be honest, these conflicts made me feel ashamed in front of both parents, both of whom were clearly dissatisfied with our marriage.People are poor and short-sighted, and when they are poor, there is nothing they can do about many things.If this is true, it is also a very strange thing. Although Ayan's natal family is not rich, it is not so poor that it must be subsidized by her married daughter. After all, the children have grown up and have everything. work, and the wages of the father-in-law and mother-in-law are not too low.Ah Yan's parents work on the railway, they are both educated people.The mother-in-law is a teacher at Railway Elementary School, but she is very harsh on her daughter, Ayan, and she always says the phrase "I can't raise you so big for nothing".She didn't like me as a son-in-law from the very beginning, and she always felt that it was a disadvantage for her to marry me. My mother-in-law will always use two things to blame Ah Yan, because with these two things, it seems that there are sufficient reasons for Ah Yan to contribute money.The first thing was that she was pregnant with Ayan's younger brother, and when she was about to give birth, she was taken aback by Ayan.At that time, Ah Yan was playing in the open space with her two younger sisters, when she tripped suddenly and fell far away, her mother-in-law was frightened and went to the hospital that night.When she brought up this matter, she was very worried about it, thinking that Ah Yan's intention to murder her since she was a child, the mother-in-law raised five daughters, it was not easy to have this precious son, if something happened because of this, how serious would it be?Another thing is to bring Ayan back to the city first. At that time, except for the third child, Ayan, the fourth and fifth children were all jumping in the queue in the countryside. As mothers, the palms and backs of the hands were full of flesh, so Ayan was considered first. This alone is enough to show that she treats Ah Yan well, and it is enough for Ah Yan to repay her love for a lifetime. Ah Yan understood from the very beginning that the real purpose of bringing herself back to the city was to let her take care of her grandmother who was paralyzed on the bed at that time.Among the several sisters, only Ah Yan is the most able to bear hardships and take care of others. Obviously, in this regard, Ah Yan did not take advantage of it, but because she returned to the city first, she always hugged her two younger sisters. have guilt.Ah Yan is always the kind of woman who misses her natal family in her heart, and she is born with a spirit of sacrifice. From the moment she got married, she tried her best to take care of her natal family. Even if her mother didn't ask her to contribute money, she would take the initiative to do so.Of course, I don’t care about this, and I don’t care that she spends half of her salary to supplement her mother’s family. The fourth child has never been the kind of person with a small belly. To be honest, what I can’t stand is the attitude of the mother-in-law. She has always looked down on me, not only me, but also Ah Yan by the way.Because the man Ah Yan married was the most unpromising, she always used various methods to embarrass me and humiliate me with the most offensive words. When Ah Yan's youngest sister got married, my mother took out the two silk quilts that others gave us for the wedding, and wrapped it in a piece of red paper as a congratulatory gift.I don't know how the mother-in-law knew the whole story, she was a little unhappy immediately, and said to Ah Yan: "I told you, that kind of petty bourgeois family cannot marry. How can they send things back and forth like this." It’s fine if the mother-in-law just complains in front of her daughter, but the point is that she still has to babble to me in front of me: "Fourth, these two silk quilts belong to your mother, or to your young couple." Ah Yan said: "Mom, there's nothing to worry about, it doesn't matter who owns it." "Ayan, you girl really don't understand things, how could it be the same?" At this time, I can only say nothing. Ah Yan muttered: "What's the matter!" "Of course it doesn't matter," the mother-in-law said again, "I haven't used it anyway, and it's good that I didn't take out the used one. If you really do this, what can you do, a petty citizen is a petty citizen." These words certainly did not reach my mother's ears.But she has a feeling, all women have that kind of intuition, she knows that my mother-in-law looks down on her, so she also has a lot of opinions in her heart.She felt that she was too arrogant, and said that she married her daughter herself, but she never saw any dowry.My mother said angrily, hmph, she is still an intellectual, she always looks like a lady from a rich family, she shows off her wealth, but when she should take it out, she doesn’t take it out.My mother became more and more angry. She couldn't bear others to say that she was a petty citizen. For this sentence, she must argue for right and wrong: "I really don't know who is a petty citizen. I have been educated anyway. In terms of background, I don't know how much better than your mother-in-law. Your father is not good. He is a historical counter-revolutionary. I am worse than your mother-in-law. Why does she look down on me, why does she look down on our family. " I never dreamed that I would have these troubles when I returned to the city, and I never dreamed that I would have these troubles after I got married.Sometimes I think that if I knew this earlier, it would be better not to go back to the city, and it would be better not to get married.My fourth child is not the kind of person who has no temper. According to my blood nature, all the members of Ayan's natal family added up are not enough for me to beat him up alone.However, I endured all the grievances.I am no longer like the bloody man who just went to the countryside, and I am no longer the fourth child who has itchy fists without fighting for a few days. I am already over thirty years old, and I can't do that. At first, I swallowed my anger, it was all because of Ah Yan, when I thought about how hard she had been waiting for me for so many years, when I thought about how she hadn’t changed her mind for so many years, and seeing that she was also thirty years old, I couldn’t bear the grievances I suffered. It doesn't matter.If you talk about swallowing your breath, Ah Yan is the one who truly swallows your breath. Being able to get along with my mother and my precious sister is definitely not an easy task.Ah Yan's situation is much more difficult than mine. I can't go to my mother-in-law's natal house in a fit of anger, but she has to come back to this house every day to suffer.Ah Yan is the kind of person who will not feel wronged even if she is wronged.Gradually, I found that I was too lazy to bother with my mother-in-law.Practicing Taijiquan pays attention to the use of softness to overcome rigidity. After many years of boxing practice, I have gradually realized some principles of self-cultivation.There are many things that can’t be bothered. I know my mother-in-law looks down on me, and there’s nothing I can do about it. She looks down on me, and I still look down on her.As long as I'm actually not as bad as my mother-in-law thinks.At that time, I felt that the most important thing was to quickly learn the craft.To live in this world, one must have a good craft. I am not young anymore, so I can't do it unless I hurry up. At that time, people didn't pay much attention to learning crafts. Anyway, everyone got the same money, which was more than 30 yuan.At that time, the restaurants were all run by the public, and the boys liked to run the hall, because they could laugh and chat with girls in the lobby outside.There was no business at that time, and there was a lot of free time. There was no such thing as eating and drinking with public funds, so there were restaurants everywhere like now.At that time, everyone was poor and had little money, and eating and drinking were still suspected of being bourgeois, so there were not many guests.Those of us who have been educated youths have the greatest advantage of being able to endure hardships and stand hard work. Those of us who were educated youths are not afraid of hardships.Nothing is better than being in the countryside, nothing is better than being a farmer.It is definitely a good thing to be able to bear hardships and stand hard work. No matter how depraved I am, my habit of bearing hardships and standing hard work has not changed.Among the few young people who entered the store together at that time, only I was willing to learn some techniques seriously, only I was willing to use my brain, and only I was willing to learn with an open mind. I got the favor of Master Li Yanling. At that time, no one knew him, and no one knew that this old man had a unique skill.Li Yanling was nothing at that time, he was also sent to the lower levels during the Cultural Revolution, and after being transferred back, he was almost at retirement age.He has always regretted that no one is willing to learn crafts from him. Seeing that I am willing to learn, he taught me very seriously, that is really teaching me hand in hand.To be honest, there is nothing difficult about being a chef. As long as you are willing to use your brain and learn with an open mind, you will be able to get started in a short time.I quickly learned a few tricks.Of course, it is your luck to meet a good master.Master Li Yanling said to me earnestly that for handicrafts, if you study hard for a hundred days, it is enough to deceive people, but if you want to go to the next level, it will be completely different.He said that your fourth son has a good sense of understanding, don't be content with some superficiality, be the top pick in your business, work hard, and you can still stand out as a chef. At that time, more and more people came to me for help. At that time, unlike now, we paid attention to finding an acquaintance and opening the back door for everything.All things must be taken care of by acquaintances to be reliable. Those who like to go to restaurants hope to make friends with me. My friends can be said to be of the highest rank, and they are all characters with money. According to Master Li Yanling, those who are capable will often When you go to restaurants, you get to know more people like this, and it will be useful in the future.I learned from Li Yanling for more than a year, and he retired as an old man. At that time, he really didn't take him seriously, unlike later, the culinary world always called him Li Lao and respected him as the king of chefs. I can almost be regarded as Li Yanling's closed disciple. After he retired, I often went to his home to ask for advice and listen to his experience.To be honest, I just like to think about how to cook this dish.Li Yanling's two sons were out of town at the time, and I took care of them like his sons.The old man was sick, had a fever and a cold, including cutting hemorrhoids, and Ah Yan and I accompanied him to the hospital.His house was leaking, so I asked my friend from the housing management office to help him remove the roof of his house and rebuild it.For a while, we almost found a wife for him, so he treated me like a son, telling me everything, and not keeping any unique skills.Later, I opened a restaurant by myself, and in order to attract business, I publicly advertised as the closed disciple of Li Yanling. The old man was afraid that I would spoil his reputation, so he was not particularly happy, but he didn't say much.After all, we had such a fate, after all, I have done many things for him by his side. To say that Master Li Yanling is the one who has really seen the world. Before liberation, many tycoons of the Kuomintang had eaten his dishes.Nanjing was the capital of the Kuomintang at that time, and he was once a figure in the limelight.Li Yanling's point of view is that being a chef is the first thing to gain fame, which is just like today's restaurants must have signature dishes. Famous dishes and celebrities in famous restaurants, as a chef, you can only become famous if you deal with the upper class.It is said that Zhou Enlai knew Li Yanling’s name long before liberation. In the early 1970s, when Premier Zhou accompanied foreign guests to visit Nanjing, he suddenly thought of him, and enthusiastically proposed to let him cook, saying that he missed his cooking very much.The prime minister of a country can still remember him after more than 20 years, which shows how famous Li Yanling's reputation was back then.This incident was once a good story, and Li Yanling has always been proud of it, but to be honest, even if this incident happened, when Li Yanling just retired, no one took him seriously. Li Yanling later became the king of chefs and a well-known figure in Nanjing's catering industry, and that was all later. My mother-in-law lives, no matter how much money she has, she is reluctant to use it.However, she soon discovered that my useless son-in-law was occasionally useful.If something happens, such as the birthday of the mother-in-law and the father-in-law, Ah Yan's younger sister gets married, and the younger brother gets married, I will be in charge.The 1970s were not like now. At that time, weddings were held at home instead of going to restaurants. If the space was not big enough, neighbors had to borrow land from neighbors. As long as it was a place in the yard under the eaves, it was fine.Not only my mother-in-law's family gave me this opportunity to show my face, but also her relatives and friends invited me to go.After all, I come from a famous family. When people hear that I am a serious chef, they start to admire me from the bottom of their hearts.Once, I also invited my master Li Yanling out of the mountain, and his old man personally cooked a few dishes for everyone, and there was a fish dish that was absolutely standard.It's a pity that good food also needs to have character, and it's a waste of effort to meet people who don't know how to eat.The things I did, I did them as I did, but they were still not enough to improve my status in Ayan's family. Although the people who ate them were full of praise, the people in her family never spoke well of me. At that time, selling pork was also a very popular job for Ah Yan, because the price of pork was uniform, and the price of lean meat and fat meat was the same.In order to save some fat, many people try their best to curry favor with the butchers.During the Cultural Revolution, butchers definitely had more status than intellectuals. At that time, many powerful people were willing to make friends with Ah Yan.Our days started to get better by the day, and generally, things went well.To be on the safe side, I ride a bicycle to send Ayan to work every day.At that time, the social atmosphere was not worse than it is today, but I was still a little worried, because she had to go there every day in the middle of the night to work in the vegetable market.Ah Yan didn't want me to send it off, she didn't care at all, and my mother kept whispering to me about it, saying how much less sleep you have to sleep every day.I said that sleeping less is my own business. I like to send her off, and I am willing to send her off like this every day. Although there was nothing to say along the way, she sat behind my car and put her arms around me, which felt really good.Only at this time, only in this dark night, walking through the quiet alleys and riding on the main road, can I feel that she is really my wife.I don't understand why, this feeling is even more real than sleeping on the same bed, Ah Yan can't figure out why I am like this: "You are really interesting. She is your wife a long time ago. Why do you still feel this way?" Ah Yan said again: "I'm not your wife, whose wife is it?" Under the influence of Master Li Yanling, I started to make friends with some celebrities in society.Among the people I was in contact with at that time, there were famous actors, famous Chinese medicine doctors, famous Western doctors, famous professors, and greedy officials.It’s ridiculous to say that I was once a fancier. I learned to sing Peking Opera for a few days, and I sang Hualian. thing.Apart from being a fancier, I started to grow flowers and play with birds.At that time, when I was sending Ah Yan back from work, I went directly to the park to fight boxing.I no longer practice Chen-style Taijiquan, but switch to Yang-style Taijiquan. Sometimes I practice with my father. He keeps getting new apprentices, and we practice Push Hands together. When Ah Yan became pregnant, she was already in her early thirties.I didn't expect an accident, because at first, it seemed normal.At that time, I had a good friend named Ju, a doctor in the Maternal and Child Health Hospital. This guy was about ten years older than me, and later became a famous gynecologist.We became friends, besides his greediness, another important reason is that he also likes to sing Peking Opera, he is a reverse, singing Tsing Yi, we sang "Shajiabang" together, I played Hu Chuankui, he played Mrs. Ah Qing.Lao Ju came to our house to play, looked at Ayan's figure, asked her about her situation casually, and then pulled me aside, saying that your wife might have a cesarean delivery in the future.He said that she might have some problems with her bones, and I didn't take it to heart at the time, because I and Ah Yan once went to the hospital for an examination, and the doctor said everything was normal. Later, Laoju reminded me that it is better to be more careful if she is an elderly woman.So we went to the Maternal and Child Health Hospital where the old residence was located for an examination. Lao Ju wanted to examine Ah Yan himself. Wearing a white coat and a big mask, he brought Ah Yan into the examination room and asked her to take off her clothes.Ah Yan hesitated suddenly, she didn't want a man to see her body, especially a man who knew her.I also think it's a bit awkward, because I didn't expect Lao Ju to do it himself.I just asked him to help me find a familiar doctor.At this critical moment, I had no choice but to speak out to Lao Ju, hoping that he could find a female doctor for Ah Yan.Lao Ju was taken aback for a moment, then nodded with a smile. It was obviously not the first time he had encountered such a thing.Next, Lao Ju and I were talking in the corridor. A female doctor who was not young examined Ayan. After the examination, the female doctor talked to Lao Ju for a long time, and Lao Ju listened attentively and kept nodding. Lao Ju seemed a little worried about something, and looked at the medical records repeatedly. The female doctor said, "I don't think the problem is too big." Lao Ju didn't say much, just took care of Ayan, and if there was any abnormality, she would come to the hospital immediately.He also asked Ah Yan to eat as little food as possible, and said that if she felt hungry, she could eat more vegetables. What Laoju means is that the fetus is currently in the developmental stage, and if Ah Yan eats too well, the fetus will grow bigger if it gets more nutrition.At that time, Ah Yan's stomach was already protruding obviously, she was standing there tall and big, compared with her, Lao Ju looked thin and small.These two stood there talking, and I watched from the side, and I just thought it was a little funny.At that time, Ah Yan's appetite was very good. My mother and mother-in-law thought they were from the past, and they didn't agree with Lao Ju's words.The elders on both sides encouraged Ah Yan to eat more, and Ah Yan herself was greedy.Her belly rose up gradually like a hill, and when she walked she crooked like a duck. In the beginning, Ah Yeon always felt that the accident that happened had something to do with me.After she was pregnant, I still couldn't help but pester her to do that.She couldn't bear to refuse me, but she was worried that something might go wrong. I said that it was clearly written in the book that sexual intercourse should be avoided in the first three months of pregnancy and two months before labor, and it would be fine at other times.She couldn't hold me back, and every time she was a little worried, afraid of hurting the fetus in her stomach.To be honest, we were really cautious, like thieves, but something went wrong later.Also, Ah Yan is a person who accepts death, she firmly believes that there is an inevitable connection between them. For this matter, she and I had a big fight, thinking it was all my fault.I was also confused by her for a time, and I was skeptical.Later, I had a serious discussion with Lao Ju about this matter, and Lao Ju said that it was impossible, and the words in those medical books were correct, even if there was a slight impact, there would not be such serious consequences.Dystocia has a variety of causes, and many people continue to have sexual intercourse during pregnancy.To be honest, I really regretted it for a while. You have to find some reason for something like this to happen.I regretted that my requirements were a little stronger, but I couldn't figure it out in my heart. I kept muttering in my heart, since I strictly followed the instructions in the book, why did something happen.This point has always puzzled me, and I feel a dull pain in my heart when I think about it. You know, at our age, we want to have a child too much, and we shouldn't risk the life of the child.Of course, I didn't expect Ah Yan to have a difficult labor, nor did I expect the child to die, let alone Ah Yan would never be able to conceive again.I never dreamed that such an accident would happen, nor did I dream that there would be such serious consequences.The situation at that time was really dangerous, the doctor was at a loss what to do, so he had to go to the outpatient clinic to invite Lao Ju, who was already the best gynecologist in the hospital at that time, after he came, he personally rescued him, if he hadn't been decisive With the operation, Ah Yan's life might be lost. 阿妍对我充满了怨恨，她把怨恨都集中到了我的铲刀把上，赌气说一辈子也不干那事了。大家都劝她，医生也开导她，她的神经甚至为此都有些错乱。这实在是一件太让人痛苦的事情，有一段时候，她就知道喋喋不休地怪我，好像我真是什么杀人犯一样。她因为这件事痛不欲生，变得有些歇斯底里，变得动不动就要走极端。她完全变成了另外一个人。我只能尽量地让着她，随她说什么都不还嘴。阿妍是个认死理的人，她认定的东西，你说什么也别想改变她的主意，你说什么也没用。到后来，我干脆就不搭理她，随她去唠叨。 渐渐地阿妍自己也明白过来了，知道事情并不是她想象的那样。她也终于知道其实是冤枉我了，用这种事来没完没了地埋怨我是毫无道理。 她的一个女友用事实开导她，笑着说： “这有什么呀，阿妍，我怀孕那会，就特别想做那事，肚子大的都像小山一样，还不是照样做，那时候，感觉好得很呢。我就那么躺在那，我老公爬上爬下忙个不停，他才不管什么孩子不孩子呢。” 她的女友怕阿妍不相信自己的话，又补充说： “我老公就喜欢我怀孕时的样子，我告诉你，女人挺着个大肚子，对男人来说，要多刺激有多刺激。” 阿妍于是又开始为自己再也不能生孩子自责。 医生说，像这种意外的情况，只有为数不多的女人才会遇上。很可能一百个人都不会有一例，甚至一千个都不会有一例。 可是人要是真倒起霉来，就没什么办法，这种事偏偏就让阿妍遇上了，就像中头彩一样。要知道，我们当时的年龄已经都不小了，很在乎有这么一个小孩。我们已经做好了当爸爸妈妈的准备，怎么会想到难产，怎么会想到因为难产，连以后都不能再生育了。阿妍因此也由自责转而自卑，她知道我是独子，加上自小在家庭里，就受到重男轻女的影响，渐渐开始感到了不能生育的压力。 我因为阿妍难产，心情变得很不好。原来那种平静的生活，突然似乎已经不存在了。我再也不能像过去那样悠哉游哉，再也不能像过去那样自得其乐。一开始似乎还没有觉得什么，好歹阿妍的性命保住了。留得青山在，不怕没柴烧。现在青山还在，阿妍却再也不能怀孕。想到我们以后再也不可能有孩子，我心里就有一种说不出的滋味。我母亲动不动为了这件事叹气，说阿妍不能再生孩子，老蔡家这姓到老四这不就结束了。她对父亲没什么感情，可是对蔡家是否断子绝孙非常在乎。 为了这事，我很猛烈地发过一次火，拍桌子摔板凳，不许家里的任何人再提起。于是我母亲不敢当我面再唠叨，我真发火了，她通常都是让我的，知道我会走极端。那时候，我们家里通过朋友刚弄了一个液化气瓶回来，我一怒之下，扬言要点火把家全烧了。我母亲和我妹妹知道我脾气坏，当了我的面从此再也不敢说这些事，可是当面不说，不等于背后不说，不等于就不在阿妍的面前说。 我那时候最忌讳别人说断子绝孙这话，谁要是用这事来惹我，那便是找不自在。有一天，几个年轻人在我们店里喝酒，多喝了一些，闹起事来，在大堂里与陆大明要动手。陆大明是我们店的伙计，平时也算是个有些邪气的人，很少有人敢招惹他。这一次，对方仗着人多，真打起来，陆大明明显吃亏，眼睛也肿了，鼻子也出血了，我看看情形不对，便冲出去帮忙，三拳两脚，就把那些猖狂的年轻人打跑了。 店里的女孩子看到我如此神勇，都很吃惊，说： “想不到老四你这么厉害，拳脚这么快。” 我倒是无意出风头，陆大明却死要起面子来，说就算是没有我的帮助，也没什么，他照样可以应付，他才不怕那几个鸟人。这小子是地道的狗咬吕洞宾，不识好人心，我好心好意帮了他，他不说一声谢谢，反而觉得是我多管闲事。我说你为什么不早说，要不要我去把那几个小狗日的再给你找回来，你们重新打一场。 说老实话，我已经多少年不打架了。在店里，我是一个埋头业务的上进男人，从来不惹事生非。大家都忘了老四打架的名声，我自己也差不多都忘了。陆大明大约还知道一点，因为他是那种在社会上混的人，他应该知道我老四不是个善种。可是他大约叫人给打糊涂了，竟然胡搅蛮缠地追着我吵架，嘴里不干不净，骂骂咧咧，别人越是在旁边劝，他越来劲。我越不理他，他越觉得我怕他。 我就说：“好吧，陆大明，是我不好，下回你让人打死了，也不管我的事。” 他的气焰更嚣张，说：“他娘的哪个断子绝孙的要人帮忙，你是什么东西呀，我一点都不稀罕。” 我问他：“你说说清楚，谁断子绝孙？” 陆大明鼻子里流出来的血刚刚止住。那天他是天生地找打，天生地欠揍。在一旁劝的人看我真来火了，连忙都上来拦我。看到有人拉架，陆大明更加肆无忌惮，竟然扬言准备和我对打，说是要单挑，说你要有胆子，就动手，别动嘴。我从来没见过这么不知好歹的人，怒火上升，便悄悄地接近他，他根本没想到我会那么快就出手，嘴里还在念叨着什么，我一拳已经朝他鼻子上捶过去。这一拳结结实实，啪的一声，就好像打在一个什么脆的东西上面，声音立刻在大堂里回响。陆大明双手捂脸，低着头不吭声，我一个健步上前，连续一套组合拳，打得他全无招架之力。我这一辈子，打过无数次架，没想到这次会失手，会将陆大明打成重伤。这家伙根本不禁打，几拳下来，他一下子跌到在地上，顿时口吐血沫，再也爬不起来。我依然暴怒，认定他是装死，对他继续拳打脚踢。 我当时也有些疯狂，在过去，我老四虽然凶狠，该住手也就住手了，偏偏这一次，我脑子里一片空白。耳旁有人在喊“别打了，别打了”，可是我就是停不下来，下手越来越重。我说你赶快给我起来，不是要单挑吗，爬起来打呀，你装什么孙子。大家赶快打电话喊警察，喊救护车，不一会警察来了，救护车也来了，我被警察带走，陆大明被七手八脚送到医院去抢救。 我因为这件事，判了两年徒刑。陆大明因此也落下了终身的残疾，我没想到后果会这么严重，后悔已经来不及。说老实话，我后悔是因为自己从此丢了工作。那时候，只要一被判刑，工作和工龄就全没了。刑满释放，我从牢里放出来，回到家里，我母亲的第一句话，就是： “老四，你以后怎么养活自己？” 阿妍安慰在一旁说：“妈，天无绝人之路，总会有办法的。” “有什么办法？有屁的办法！你倒是说的轻松。” 我想回到原来的店里去，店领导说，我们当时将你开除了，既然是开除，就不能再让你回来。店领导又说，你没有工作，这怨不了我们，你年龄也不轻了，怎么会一点都不知道控制情绪。 于是我走上自己开店的这条路，开了一家小餐馆。当时已经是八十年代初期，刚开始有做生意当个体户这一说法。那时候，最初敢出来做生意当个体户的，都是社会上混不下去的人，有很多人像我一样，刚从牢里放出来，找不到工作，是没办法才这么做的。有正式工作的人根本不屑干这些事，大家把铁饭碗看得很重，一个人没正式工作，在当时绝对是一件了不得的事情。说老实话，想想我老四这几拳打得真不值得，好端端的一个工作，自己刚刚混出人样，就轻而易举地全丢掉了。我仿佛从天堂被打到了地狱，从一名国营单位的正式职工，一下子又落到了比当知青更惨的境地。 一开始，对于如何开餐馆，我心里一点底都没有。正好阿妍的一个姨妈有个街面房可以出租，我们就将它租了下来，租下来以后，为了慎重起见，我和阿妍骑着自行车在街上到处乱转，看到有小餐馆，便冒冒失失地上前向人打听，问人家应该怎么做生意，菜的价位怎么订才合适，万一做不下去怎么办。有一天，我们进了路边的一家小餐馆，一位标致的老板娘把我们迎了进去，知道我们不是上馆，只是打听些事，立刻毫无保留地为我们作介绍。 这是个热情洋溢的老板娘，什么话都肯说，什么话都不隐瞒。她老公在一旁嘿嘿地陪着傻笑，说什么都跟着胡乱点头。阿妍提出要参加一下厨房，老板娘便红光满面地领我们去。 我记得那女人反复说的四个字就是：“多大的事！” 阿妍对她提了一大堆问题。 “你管它呢，先做了再说，多大的事，”老板娘觉得这些都算不上问题，“什么事都先做起来再说，你怕什么，天又不会坍下来，再说就是坍下来，也未必就真砸到你。多大的事，不就是买点锅碗瓢盆。你说这能是多大的事。” 从这家小馆子出来，阿妍还有点犹豫，我却觉得信心十足，仿佛已经看到了美好前景。阿妍问我有什么感受，我说自己怎么也比那个老板强，像他那样的人，都有胆子开餐馆，我老四还有什么可犹豫的。阿妍不太明白我的意思，我便告诉她，说只要到厨房里看上一眼，大厨师的基本水平就能看出来了，这肯定是非常一般化的厨师，肯定是个野路子的家伙。这种烂人都敢开馆子，科班出身的老四肯定比他强得多。 这以后不久，我们的餐馆就正式开张了。刚开张的时候，连续一个多星期，没有一个客人上门。真是迎头一棒，我做梦也没有想到会这么惨。门庭冷落也是预料中的事情，可是竟然这么糟糕，自然是不会想到的。连续多少天，人们从我餐馆门前走过，只是好奇地往里看几眼，然后就掉头走了。 那时候，要上馆子就是上国营的大馆子，要不然就是去小吃店吃馄饨吃面条。大家似乎不习惯到私人老板开的馆子里吃饭，总觉得像我们这样突然冒出来的小馆子是黑店，肯定要宰人的。刚开张那阵，我们连冰箱都没有来得及买，当时买这玩意要凭票，必须找熟人才行。是冯瑞帮我们弄到了一张冰箱票，那时候他还在商业局当秘书，冰箱票紧俏得不得了。真去付钱提货的时候，我和阿妍都有些犹豫了。说老实话，如果这生意真做不下去，还不如不花买冰箱的冤枉钱算了。那时候的人，买冰箱已是一笔很大的投资，花这钱要横想竖想，根本不会想到以后家家都会有冰箱，根本不会想到冰箱会成为最普通的家用电器，结果还是冯瑞笑着开导我们： “买，买回家了，玩一阵，不想要了，你们把冰箱退给我，我保证你们不会损失一分钱，我原价退给你们。” 我说：“冯瑞，这生意究竟能不能做下去，我是一点底都没有。” 冯瑞脸一板，说：“到现在反正也没什么可损失的了，老四，我不明白你怕什么，你老四都到了这一步了，你还怕什么？” 冯瑞说得对，都到了这一步，我还有什么好害怕的。 阿妍说：“我们就买吧。” 于是我们就咬咬牙买下了那台冰箱。现在说起来，真得好好地感谢这台冰箱，当然更得好好感谢冯瑞。这台冰箱的钱，当时还是跟我姐借的，买的时候就在担心，不知道这钱猴年马月才能还清。如果不买冰箱，生意很可能就不做下去。刚开始的生意确实不好做，我们既然买了冰箱，已经花了这么大的本钱，用今天的话来说，是已经投资了，骑虎难下，这小餐馆想不开也得开下去。很多事情根本就说不清楚，没想到我们很快度过了难关，不仅将冰箱的钱还了，而且生意说红火，就立刻红火起来。生意不好的时候，门庭冷落，你傻坐那没事可做，等到生意真红火起来，人呼呼地都涌来了，你忙都忙不过来。 唉，现在回想起来，平心而论，那真是做生意的好年头。那年头，只要你肯去做，只要你能咬咬牙，做什么生意都能发财。我们那条街上，越是盲流，越是下三滥，越是没什么身份地位，越是平时什么都不能干的人，发财发得越快。那时候许多人都一窝蜂地做盐水鸭生意，南京街头是地方就有卖盐水鸭的，要说这活根本谈不上什么技术，可是用不了几年，你肯定会成为万元户。真的只要你做，只要你肯做，只要你敢做，没人不发财。那时候发财太容易了，就好像路上有钱包等着你去捡，那时候的万元户差不多能和今天的百万富翁相比，那时候的家庭要是有个一万元存款，光是吃利息，就够活一辈子的。