Chapter 18 Chapter 05

At the banquet welcoming Zhang Xiaochuan, Wu Renmin was missing. Everyone thought it was a strange thing. When the dishes were served on the table, Zhou Rushui said loudly: "I see, don't wait for Renmin, he won't come." Zhang Xiaochuan went on to say in his old voice: "We have been separated for a few years and I don't know what Renmin is like now. I always feel that his tendency to individualism is too strong. Why doesn't he often write to me?" "I don't think Renmin should be criticized in this way, he is a very sincere person," Gao Zhiyuan argued displeased.

"I hope so," Zhang Xiaochuan said with a smile. "However, I think he is a bit arrogant, and he is not humble at all. I read a few of his articles this year, and he was always ridiculing others. He said: Scholars are useless. Books are useless. How many books has he read? To be a revolutionary should at least study in a foreign library for a few years." After he finished speaking, his gaze peeked out from behind his gold-rimmed glasses and swept over everyone's faces. No one answered, Gao Zhiyuan's square face immediately turned red and yellow.He wanted to speak, but held back.

"That's not entirely true. We can't say Renmin is bad, but recently his thoughts are extreme and his behavior is romantic, which is the most dangerous," Li Jianhong replied to Zhang Xiaochuan ponderously. "Extreme? It can be said to be naive." Zhang Xiaochuan continued half angry and half proud. "He often scolds others for being reformists. Running schools and running farms are all good things, but he desperately opposes them. I think that in order to reform the current society and realize our ideals, we should start with education. Transforming society requires reforming people's hearts first, and there is no other way. Violent revolutions are just blind follies."

"Let's eat." A voice suddenly sounded, interrupting Zhang Xiaochuan's words.The speaker is Fang Yadan.Gao Zhiyuan then snorted next to him, he was secretly angry.He wondered how it took a few years for a person to become like this.He almost doubted that the person sitting next to him was not the Zhang Xiaochuan he had loved and loved before. But regardless of this, Zhang Xiaochuan was still talking happily.Everyone took their seats. Zhang Xiaochuan was next to Li Jianhong on the one hand, and Li Peizhu and the two sisters from the Gong family on the other.He happily talked with them about what he had seen and heard during his study abroad in France.A few French words are often mixed in his words, which in turn lead to many words of explanation from him.

Wu Renmin is here.The crowd was not very indifferent to him.But he didn't talk much, he just drank at the banquet by himself. "Renmin, don't drink too much," Fang Yadan said suddenly.At this time, everyone was listening to Zhang Xiaochuan's speech and did not notice Wu Renmin's actions.Fang Yadan's words interrupted everyone's interest.Zhang Xiaochuan glanced at Wu Renmin, then at Fang Yadan, then turned his face away from Li Peizhu.Li Jianhong looked at everyone in turns with a smile.He doesn't talk often, but occasionally puts a dish with one or two chopsticks into his mouth.

Wu Renmin raised his head, glanced at Fang Yadan, picked up the glass and drank it up, put down the glass and said, "Then I'll go first." But he didn't move. Zhang Xiaochuan, who was talking with Li Peizhu, suddenly raised his head and asked Fang Yadan, "Yadan, I heard that you are going to France. When are you leaving?" Fang Yadan stared at him blankly, unable to say a decisive answer.Zhang Xiaochuan added: "I advise you to prepare early, and I can help you. It is very beneficial to study in France for a few years." "I don't want to go." Fang Yadan suddenly replied shortly, and buried his head to eat.

Everyone looked at Fang Yadan inexplicably.Zhang Xiaochuan shrugged his shoulders and asked, "Why?" Fang Yadan remained silent.Wu Renmin stood up suddenly and pushed away the chair and said, "I'm going first." "Okay, I'll go with you," Gao Zhiyuan said, standing up. Everyone said something to keep them, but it was useless.Li Jianhong and Li Peizhu sent them downstairs. Autumn is coming soon.The night air is cool.Gao Zhiyuan didn't drink much, but his heart was full of strange feelings.Whether it was anger, disappointment, disillusionment, sadness, or longing, he couldn't tell for a while.He seemed to see the scene when he left his hometown again.On the morning before he left, his father was angry at home, his wife hid in the room and cried, and his mother and a brother sent him off.With a haggard face, his mother cried and told him to go home to see her often.He agreed with his mouth, but said in his heart: "This is our last time." He shed some tears with his mother.But when he saw Annan's peddlers being insulted and abused by the French in the train compartment of the Vietnam Railway, he no longer thought about his mother.

He said to himself: For the happiness of all people, I can't care about the pain of a few people.He had no doubts then.He felt very firm in his faith.He traveled by train and ship, like a soldier going to battle.But now he began to doubt.Yes, he didn't hide anything from himself: he was already wondering.He thought that when they gathered together, did they really work for the same ideal, the same great ideal?So why are there so many rifts among them?Why can't everyone open their chests and see each other sincerely?Since people can live in the same ideal society, why can't they tolerate each other?

He was unable to answer these questions. "They are all dreaming," he said angrily to himself. "I said everyone is an egoist." Wu Renmin, who hadn't spoken for a long time, suddenly said this loudly, as if answering the question in Gao Zhiyuan's heart. "Egoist. What kind of term is this?" Gao Zhiyuan exclaimed as if being stabbed by a needle. "I can't admit it. We don't have an egoist in us." "Then do you think anyone will share their last piece of bread with others like Mei Xiaoruo?" Wu Renmin asked suddenly. "To be honest, there is no altruist among us. Li Jianhong is just a Stoic, and Zhang Xiaochuan, listen to what he said at the banquet today. He seems to have forgotten those things in the past. He I forgot the time when I abandoned my student life and went to a printing factory to learn typesetting. Now he has sold foreign stereotypes in France and returned. You talk about running publications, printing complete works, and immersing yourself in reading. Now you should understand the influence of books. I said now We still need a Qin Shihuang to come out and burn all the books in the world, so as not to poison the youth." He suddenly shut up at this point.After a while, he changed his tone again, and murmured to himself vaguely: "Drooping black hair, slender back, sad face. I seem to have seen her somewhere... No, I can't, it's not her. Then it is Who? Looks so familiar... No, it can't be her. She won't come here."

"Her, who is she?" Gao Zhiyuan asked in surprise. "She, she won't come again," Wu Renmin said, nodding.At this time, a young man and woman walked towards each other, and they passed away quickly, leaving only the smell of makeup and powder and the sound of high-heeled shoes.These are two Russians.Then a gust of wind blew the leaves of the sycamore trees beside the road.There is a net of stars embedded in the sky, and the stars are bright and dark. "She's gone, she won't come again." Wu Renmin said in confusion. "Which one are you referring to?"

"That phantom, that beautiful phantom," Wu Renmin replied wistfully.He ran his hands through his tangled hair. "What phantom? You're drunk." Gao Zhiyuan said gently. "Renmin, I said you shouldn't drink too much. You will miss things if you drink. You won't be able to write the article Cai Weixin asked for today. Didn't you promise him tomorrow? Look, you are about to break your promise again. " "Articles? I feel so lonely in my heart, why do you still want to mention articles?" Wu Renmin said excitedly. "Zhiyuan, tell me, am I really as hopeless as they criticize? ... Ah, don't mention them. Where can I find her? ... Zhiyuan, tell me." Before Gao Zhiyuan could speak, his arm was suddenly grabbed by Wu Renmin.Wu Renmin said enthusiastically: "Don't say anything serious or moral to me. I don't want to listen.I am an immoral person... The she I am talking about is Yuwen.Didn't I tell you about Yuwen? ...Yes, it's Yuwen." At this point, he closed his mouth and didn't make a sound. It's just that the hand was still shaking on Gao Zhiyuan's arm. Gao Zhiyuan looked at Wu Renmin with great pain in his heart.He could not say whether he felt sorry for the friend or not.But he couldn't help asking himself: "Could it be that Renmin is being tortured by enthusiasm like this? Is this the end of this person?" He couldn't answer this question.He just followed Wu Renmin silently.His stomach suddenly felt a dull pain. "Suicide," something seemed to be shouting in his ear.It was dark before his eyes.It seemed that all hope was lost.Stomach pain is one of his fatal injuries.This proved that his body was disabled, and he was not able to go through the hard and huge struggle.He said, moaning, "My stomach hurts again, and the weather is about to change. I'm afraid it will rain soon. Let's go quickly." "What does your bellyache have to do with the weather?" Wu Renmin asked loudly. "When I was young, I didn't know how to take care of my body. Once I was seriously ill and almost died. After I got better, I have had this problem for the past two or three years. As long as the weather changes, my stomach will hurt. As long as the weather changes, whether it is caused by cold When it gets hot and turns from hot to cold, my belly must hurt first. Sometimes the pain lasts for a long time, and I have to buy Bagua Dan to temporarily relieve the pain." "Haha, you are really a living weather watch." Wu Renmin laughed loudly, and then changed his tone and asked, "Have you not seen a doctor?" "I've seen it before," Gao Zhiyuan said distressedly. "The doctor said that there is no cure for this disease. Once the pain was too severe, I asked a doctor to give a few injections, and the pain was relieved immediately. But it didn't take long for the disease to recur. Now there is no other way, only in the pain Take Bagua Pill when you are seriously ill. Fortunately, the price of Bagua Pill is not expensive." "Baguadan, it's a hot medicine. If you take too much, it will burn you to death," Wu Renmin said. "Then why do you drink alcohol? Aren't you afraid of being burned to death?" Gao Zhiyuan said with a distressed look on his brows. "Anyway, we are going to die. If you can't destroy evil, then you can simply destroy yourself." "That's right, destroying yourself is the happiest thing," Wu Renmin said enthusiastically. "To put your life on the line, in an instant, there is no self, no world, no love, no hate - that state is really enviable." He raised his head and looked at the sky for a while when he said this, as if he was appreciating The beauty of that situation.Suddenly he lowered his head and changed his tone, saying, "But piecemeal death, slow suicide, that's too embarrassing." "Where do we look for opportunities? I've been looking for them for years." Gao Zhiyuan said in despair. "These many years have been completely wasted. All I feel is that my body is getting weaker and weaker day by day. Now it is said that the literature and propaganda have not even printed a few complete works. Others say that I have no ability to do things, I admit it. But those who have the ability As for the people, they refuse to do it." "Don't talk about these things, let's talk about women," Wu Renmin said enthusiastically. "Women, why talk about women? Having women will only hinder one's work. I say women are the most ardent supporters of the private property system." "Pack up your corrupt moral theories. You are a new moralist." "I curse all moralists." Wu Renmin cried out irritably. "Do you think man is just a machine?" Wu Renmin still wanted to talk, but he had already arrived at their residence.Gao Zhiyuan walked in front and opened the door first.There is no light downstairs, obviously the second landlord has not come back yet.They groped their way up the stairs in the dark, opened the door on the second floor, and went in. "This kind of life is simply degenerate." Gao Zhiyuan turned on the light and lay down on his bed, cursing. Seeing Wu Renmin's silence, he said irritably, "It's better to commit suicide than to live like this." "Degenerate? What kind of degenerate is this?" Wu Renmin said mockingly. "Suicide, that's just taking your life for nothing. Only a coward would think of suicide." "What's the use of being alive? You can't even do a good job of propaganda." Gao Zhiyuan said angrily. "Writer propaganda," Wu Renmin sneered several times, "Your mind is so simple, you always only think of word propaganda. In fact, it's just intellectual masturbation. To be honest, even if you pile up books all over the world, That can only be fed to silverfish." "You don't know, you don't understand, those books are my lovers. My love for them cannot be expressed in words. I think, if one day thousands of books are printed by my hands and spread out , spread throughout China and around the world, many people read them enthusiastically and were moved by them, that is such a beautiful thing." Gao Zhiyuan said enthusiastically. "You regard books as your lover, just as Chen Zhen regards the truth as your lover. It turns out that you are also a Stoic." Wu Renmin laughed. "Let me ask you, can you sleep with a book at night? You are a silverfish." He then laughed wildly. Gao Zhiyuan was so angry that he couldn't speak, he turned his body inside and looked at the white wall angrily.Gradually his eyes blurred and their eyelids drooped heavily. Wu Renmin sat alone in front of the table, took a pen and scribbled on the white paper, writing: "Revolution", "Yuwen", "Yaozhu", "Li Jianhong", "Li Peizhu", "Zhang Xiaochuan" these words.At the same time, he lit a cigarette and smoked wildly.At last he turned off the light and fell asleep on the bed. The night was very quiet.The windows are all shut.The whole room was filled with the sound of people snoring and mosquitoes.It was stuffy in the room.After a long time, Wu Renmin suddenly pushed away the thin quilt covering half of his body and yelled loudly. "What's the matter? What's the matter with Renmin?" Gao Zhiyuan was awakened by the cry, and asked in surprise. Wu Renmin sat on the bed, wiped the sweat from his forehead with his hands, and didn't say a word for a while.His heart seemed to be jumping out of his mouth.Many terrifying shadows were still swaying in front of his eyes.He felt like he had come back from another world.Something was biting his brain, and he held his head in his hands and moaned. "Renmin, what's wrong with you? Are you unwell?" Wu Renmin didn't answer, but asked in a trembling voice, "Zhiyuan, am I still alive?" "Alive? Of course. You're alive, we're all alive, everyone's alive." Gao Zhiyuan replied harshly. "Then how could I sleepwalk in hell?" Wu Renmin asked himself distressed.He went on to say very excitedly: "Zhiyuan, I sleepwalked through hell. I saw many young people being disemboweled, shot, beheaded, imprisoned, tortured and interrogated. I saw that they too were made of flesh and blood.Their parents and wives were screaming and crying bitterly.I ask people why they got to this point.Others replied that they were guilty of free thought.Really, damn youth.Just as I was about to say this, everything suddenly disappeared, and there was only a sea of ​​blood in front of my eyes.I screamed in fright and just woke up.I found that I was still living in a bungalow and living a petty bourgeois life.I am really a revolutionary who talks about revolution in his comfort zone.Zhiyuan, I am afraid, I am afraid, I am afraid of the me in the dream. " "So that's what happened. Renmin, you'd better sleep quietly. You're too excited. Don't drink too much in the future. You see, I don't drink too much now." Gao Zhiyuan said vaguely If so, he turned his body inside again and went to sleep. Wu Renmin got out of bed to open the window, put his head out of the window and took a deep breath.His heart still hurts.His eyes moistened. There was no one in the alley, and there were no lights.Opposite is a garden.One by one the trees revealed their lush branches and leaves in the gray light.The insects on the grass screamed mournfully, as if they were dying.A bungalow stands in the middle of the garden, like a tomb, which keeps its secrets that will never be known.Beyond that is the market.But there was no sound, not even the cries of vendors.Everything is dead.When love dies, so does hatred; when pleasure dies, so does suffering; when oppression dies, so does revolution.The off-white light is like a big net, covering everything.He alone was alive, alone in the whole city, alive to endure the flames of passion. "Move. Get up and move. Why do you keep lying down and wasting time?" He waved his hands to the gardens, bungalows, and markets lying below him, as if he was standing in front of the crowd, and uttered this cry from his heart. "Move. Get up and move. Just one minute of intense activity is worth ruining your life. Erupt, erupt like a volcano. Destroy the world, destroy yourself, destroy this contradictory life." He He waved his hands frantically again. Any action is useless.And nothing started to move.Only the cry of the little bug suddenly stopped.The net of loneliness spread even wider, and it seemed that even he himself was going to be covered by it. "I can't die." He struggled.By this time he was gripped by feelings of anger and despair.He has to live, he has to go through all the sufferings to be born, to do his work.But now he was standing in this dead room, in this dead city, alone, without love, without hate.What else could he do?Isn't he already on the road to death? At this time, the cry of Xiao Chong suddenly sounded sadly.The cry seemed to be different from before.He felt he knew it well.There is the sorrow of lonely existence rippling in it.This sorrow is also his.Now, like that bug, he could only whine in despair. After some more embarrassing moments, he raised his head and looked around.He spotted a light in the sky to the right.He looked there in surprise.But he got it.The city is not dead.It does live.At this time, at this time, in the dance hall, the band is playing, and the rich boys are dancing and laughing with their arms around beautiful girls; The socialites are spending all their money on a carnival.Meanwhile in the factories, the machines thrashed like fury, and the workers stood wearily beside them, groaning and suffering.Yes, nothing is dead, not love, not hate, not pleasure, not suffering, not even oppression.But what about revolution?The revolution is dead. "The revolution is dead." A loud voice cried in his ear.He can't stand it.He held his head as if injured, and he tried his best to support his body so that he would not fall to the ground.Because another memory hit him again.A few years ago, when his Yuwen left him and walked into the arms of that bureaucrat, he once heard a sentence: "You revolutionaries are no match for a dog." This sentence came from Yuwen's partner. It came out of my mouth.That Yuwen, she once abandoned her life as a female student and went to work as a female worker in a factory. She worked so enthusiastically for the revolution and dedicated herself to an ideal, and was respected and loved by most of her friends.She had expressed sincere love to him, and accepted his answer frankly.But after less than a year of separation, such a beautiful woman abandoned the revolution and his love, and walked into the arms of the bureaucrat who scolded that "revolutionaries are no better than dogs".Short black hair, slender back, beautiful face.She is like a pure goddess, and the mention of her evokes a kind of tenderness, a kind of respect and love.But she destroyed everything by herself and got stuck in the mud, she didn't care at all.What this is for, he still doesn't know.And even if he knew it was useless.Facts become facts after all.In the lustful embrace of that bureaucrat and under the pressure of flesh, everything that was once beautiful in her disappeared.There were no traces of bravery, purity, and enthusiasm on her face.The blood-like lipstick and lime-like face powder completely buried her past.The bureaucrat swayed his fat face and hugged her slender body with his fat arms, as if to say, "Look, I have defeated the revolution." After many incidents, this scene suddenly came to Wu Renmin. heart.This scene seemed to have many thorns, which pierced his heart.Has the revolution really been defeated?Did the revolution really die with that woman?He couldn't help asking himself angrily.He was fighting a sudden onslaught of disillusionment. "That's impossible." He finally spat out the words frantically.He flicked his hand aside, as if pushing down an enemy. "The revolution will never die," he cried angrily again, but his voice was so vague that even if someone heard him, he would not understand what he was saying.Afterwards, he whispered to himself: "Women are fragile things after all. They always follow the environment, and it is difficult to stand firm. No wonder Gao Zhiyuan often scolds women. Many women come to our sports, and they have also Some things have been done more or less, some are even very brave. But when they find a husband, they become another kind of people. Some behave as wives, and some take their husband's thoughts as their own. It is easy for them to sacrifice the beautiful things that they have spent a lot of energy to create for a small profit. They do not cherish themselves, and they are more powerful than men. For example, Yuwen, for a very small price-a happy life, she will Leave us." He pressed his chest hard as he said this, because his heart was hurting again. "Destroy, this world is really a den of sin. Such a beautiful woman is also ruined by it." He cried out in despair again.His voice trembled hopelessly in the darkness.Hearing this voice himself, his heart was greatly shaken. He struggled and asked himself: "Could it be that I am approaching the edge of my life and about to perish like Chen Zhen, so I don't even have the strength to roar?" "Renmin, who are you talking to?" He asked Before he finished speaking, Gao Zhiyuan suddenly rolled over on the bed, and uttered the question from above in a vague voice. Wu Renmin didn't answer, but just stroked his painful heart. "Why don't you sleep? It's very late," Gao Zhiyuan continued, pushing away the blanket and sitting up. "The air is so stuffy, why did you close all the windows?" "The windows are all open," Wu Renmin said irritably. "Then why are you still so bored?" Gao Zhiyuan said distressedly.He got out of bed to turn on the light, but the light was not on, and the main switch had been turned off by the second landlord. "This world is a big cage, where is there any air of freedom." Wu Renmin still spoke irritably. Gao Zhiyuan walked to the window and looked at the quiet alley and the tomb-like garden for a long time.Suddenly he pressed his body tightly against the window sill, rubbed it hard a few times, and said in a groaning and squeezed voice: "My waist is hurting again. My pain, this pain. A piecemeal pain that never ends." Wu Renmin turned his head and looked at this friend with sympathy.His heartache increased.How weak and powerless the two of them seemed in this environment.They used to think that they were the only force representing justice and truth in the world, a ray of light in this dark world.But now even they themselves can't believe that.What power do they have to shake, break, and destroy this sinful world?What power do they have to illuminate this dark world?They have been tormented by fragmentary pain, and they don't even have the courage to roar. "Renmin, kill me. I really can't bear this kind of life," Gao Zhiyuan pleaded with a sincere voice, leaning weakly against the window sill, as if he was about to fall.There was a deep sadness in his voice that no words can express. "You want me to kill you? Why do you have such an idea?" Wu Renmin asked in horror and pain. "My half-crippled body was not able to endure severe struggles, and now I have no strength to fight fragmentary pains. No need for shock, my illness will make me lie down at any time." "Zhiyuan, why are you so negative tonight?" Wu Renmin forgot his own pain and asked sympathetically, stretching out his hand to pinch Gao Zhiyuan's slightly trembling arm. "Don't you see Xiaochuan's appearance tonight? I hope for others. I believe in others. The result is only disillusionment." Gao Zhiyuan said angrily. "The beautiful phantoms have become relics of the past. The reality is just a cruel darkness. From here to the bright future, I don't know how long it will take. Maybe it's just a dream that can never be realized, maybe human beings are Doomed to kill each other forever in the dark, maybe the world cannot be reformed at all. Seeing Xiaochuan become what it is now, I am not sure about the revolution." Then there were several long sighs. "Absolutely not." Wu Renmin said resolutely, this was a reply to Gao Zhiyuan's previous words.He went and fumbled for a cigarette on the table, and lit a match again.A gleam of fire illuminated part of the gray room, but it soon faded away.The match head fell to the ground with scorched scars.Then he stepped on the match head with his foot.So no one forgot that the match once burned to illuminate the room, only the red fire was still burning on the paper cigarette butt. "Our fate may not be as good as a match. Although the match will inevitably be trampled after burning its own body, it has illuminated this room after all. As for us, we strive for our ideals, suffer for our ideals, and may always be There is no chance to illuminate anything until death," Gao Zhiyuan said still moaning. "Are you discouraged because of this?" Wu Renmin asked suddenly after puffing on a few cigarettes.Without waiting for Gao Zhiyuan to answer, he sneered again and again, and said loudly: "Xiao Chuan is Jianhong's big disciple, that is, the result of Jianhong's education. He made Zhang Xiaochuan look like Zhang Xiaochuan one by one. Jianhong should also be satisfied." "This can't be said to be Jianhong's fault," Gao Zhiyuan said just now, but he remembered Li Jianhong's criticism of Wu Renmin at the meeting today and his attitude towards Zhang Xiaochuan and Wu Renmin, so he stopped talking. "Perhaps it is not his fault. I think our nation is old. There is no other nation in the world as old as ours. I am afraid there is not much vitality left among us. So our youth is also very fragile. If we To be born is to perish, to perish and to give place to others. The dawn we prophesy will surely come. Our ideals are not unattainable dreams. The sad thing is that we may not be born again. Thinking that one day the world will That all men on earth would be free and happy, while we are struggling to perish and finally cannot escape the tragic fate, it is really painful to the bone. It is really reconciled. Maybe we should perish, but thinking of us After many years of hard struggle, we must not be reconciled to this fate of extinction." At this point, Wu Renmin's voice almost burst into tears, and he stopped talking. "I don't believe your words, we will never perish." Gao Zhiyuan said angrily, "You said, since we can't get a new life, why do we have to work hard?" "This is what it means to be a monk for a day. Even if the result of our struggle is still inevitable, we should still fight. Even if there is a grave in front of us, we should try our best to go to the grave before we enter the grave." Do a career. A life of struggle is the most beautiful life after all, although it is also full of pain. It is a coward to choose another path because of fear of death and pain, and to seek a life of temporary comfort. We are People who are born to seek pain, we are not a luxury. We must cherish pain. Pain is our strength, pain is our pride." A kind of power suddenly inspired Wu Renmin, making him say enthusiastically and forgetting himself The words above.There was enthusiasm in his voice. "You're right: pain is indeed our strength. But I don't believe—" Gao Zhiyuan said emotionally. "No, that's not what I said," Wu Renmin suddenly changed his tone and interrupted irritably. "That's what Chen Zhen said, he wrote it in his diary...he is a preacher, I am not. I am definitely not a preacher." He said and smoked cigarettes desperately, he almost sprayed all the smoke on Gao Zhi Yuan's face. "I'm not a preacher, I can't ring that slow clock day by day. I want to do something vigorously, even destroy the world, destroy myself--" He stopped talking here, and threw the cigarette butt On the ground, step on it hard with your feet. Gao Zhiyuan also stopped talking.He looked at Wu Renmin in distress and surprise, not knowing whether this person was unconscious or awake.He just felt a puff of smoke running across his face, from which now and then a pair of terrible, shining eyes appeared. It was dull in the room.His stomach was throbbing.Everything dies, only pain does not die.Pain surrounded them, surrounded this room, surrounded the world.He couldn't resist their onslaught.He just repeated what Wu Renmin said just now: "Pain is our strength, pain is our pride." Finally, his face lit up, and he said in a firm tone: "I want to use pain to conquer everything, and I want to do something. I can no longer live like this. I can't kill myself piecemeal..."