Chapter 17 Chapter 04

Wu Renmin went to the cemetery of the guild hall to see Chen Zhen's tomb.A small mound was covered with some green grass, and in front of it stood a small stone tablet with Chen Zhen's name written on it.Seen from a distance, the mound is intermingled with many other tombs, lined up line by line, so that people can't see any difference. "When Chen Zhen was alive, he often expressed that he was different from other people. But when he died, he was just like everyone else," Wu Renmin thought bitterly. Next to a tomb in the row ahead stood a woman.She was wearing a blue cheongsam with a black gauze wrapped around her arms.His long black hair fell almost to his shoulders.Wu Renmin couldn't see her face clearly.

After a while the woman went outside.She walked very slowly, and often looked back at the grave she had left. She walked up to Wu Renmin, turned her face around, and looked at him.Her eyes met Wu Renmin's, and there was a surprised expression in her eyes.She paused for a moment, then turned her head away, and still walked outside slowly. Wu Renmin saw her face.The face was not entirely unfamiliar.He seemed to have seen her somewhere, but couldn't remember.He followed her out. The sound of her high heels came rhythmically to his ears.Her slender back blocked his view.He follows her.She didn't look back, as if she didn't feel it.She doesn't take a car, and he doesn't take a car.He had no destination, just followed her blindly, but someone grabbed his arm.

He looked sideways in surprise.Zhou Rushui stood beside him, looked at him with a smile, and said, "What are you doing?" Wu Renmin couldn't answer for a while, so he turned around to look ahead.The woman is gone.The backs of many men swayed in front of his eyes.He sighed regretfully. "You're thinking about women again, aren't you?" Zhou Rushui laughed. "But it's not spring now." Wu Renmin got angry, and blushed and blamed: "What do you know? You are only worthy of being a waiter. You should be a waiter in a proper manner." There are allusions to being a tea house.Zhou Rushui has been very attentive to Li Peizhu recently, and Fang Yadan sarcastically called him "Li Peizhu's teahouse".He naturally didn't recognize this title, but in fact he served Li Peizhu much like a waiter serves the master, and he was more considerate than ordinary waiters.

"Being a waiter? I don't admit it. Who said that?" Zhou Rushui said vigorously. "Go and ask Yadan. Who knows who has been a waiter." Wu Renmin replied mockingly.He then asked, "Where are you going now?" "I'll just go for a walk, I'm bored at home alone, so go out for a walk," Zhou Rushui replied with a frown. "Why don't you go with Li Peizhu? It's not spring now, why are you bored?" Wu Renmin retaliated. "Stop joking, let's talk about something serious. I just wanted to talk to you, so let's go all the way, and I'm going to your house too," Zhou Rushui said after changing the subject, he forced a smile.

Wu Renmin knew that Zhou Rushui was happy that his name and Li Peizhu's were mentioned together. Although he often blushed to argue, he was actually very happy, but he didn't have the courage to express his love to Li Peizhu.So Wu Renmin continued to sarcasm him and said: "If you have made up your mind to be a waiter, then do it quickly. Li Peizhu is not young anymore, don't delay her any longer, let her be Zhang Ruolan's second." The last sentence pierced Zhou Rushui's heart more than anything else.He had long forgotten the name Zhang Ruolan.But his forgetfulness is only superficial.Although concealed by new visions, the scars left by the name had not completely disappeared.As soon as someone mentioned the name in front of him, he would remember the girl with the round face.That girl once came to help him and save him with all his love, but he muddleheadedly rejected her and asked her to marry a university professor who had returned from studying in France.Every time he thought of her, a pang of regret came to his heart, and he no longer had the strength to resist the ridicule of others, like a soldier who has been disarmed.

"Zhang Ruolan, don't mention her anymore, I beg you," Zhou Rushui said irritably. "I'm going to bury my past deeply now. I'm going to be a new person. I ask you not to bring up my past in the future." Wu Renmin sneered a few times, showing no attitude. "I will learn from Jianhong in the future. Jianhong is indeed a person to admire." Zhou Rushui continued excitedly, he was obviously struggling with himself.He praised Li Jianhong because he wanted to use Li Jianhong's strength to overwhelm his other self. "Jianhong is so rare, he is worthy of being a revolutionary. Let me be honest, don't be angry, you are too romantic."

"Yes, only Stoics are qualified to be revolutionaries, and only Stoics are qualified to be hypocrites," Wu Renmin said angrily. "Of course I don't deserve it. But I remember Li Jianhong telling people that Rushui is too decadent and rarely hopes for such things..." "I don't believe it, you are lying." Zhou Rushui argued vigorously. "Why should I lie. I don't take Li Jianhong's words as an imperial decree. If I want to scold you, I can scold you with my own words. Why make up Li Jianhong's words to scold you." Wu Renmin said with a sneer.

"I won't argue with you anymore. Anyway, recently you have a strong tendency to be individualistic." Zhou Rushui knew that it would not do any good for him to continue arguing with Wu Renmin, but would damage their friendship. He stopped arguing, but He changed the subject and said, "I have something serious to say to you. First, Xiao Chuan will come back from France the day after tomorrow. Are you going to pick him up? Second, Pei Zhu wants to borrow some books from you, and I'll take them for her." ." "Is there a third one?" Wu Renmin asked suddenly.

"No more. Are you going to the pier the day after tomorrow? I'm afraid there are quite a few people going. Jianhong, Peizhu, and Yadan are all going, and some friends are going," Zhou Rushui said with a smile. "I'm not going," Wu Renmin said coldly, "you already have a lot of people." "We hope you can go. It's more lively with one more person. There is no one among friends who doesn't want to meet Xiaochuan. Peizhu's two girlfriends are also going. They knew Xiaochuan before," Zhou Rushui said again. "Let's decide at that time," Wu Renmin replied flatly.He thought to himself: "Zhang Xiaochuan is back, and there is another leader." A sad smile appeared on his face.There may be jealousy or loneliness in this smile.The indignation that had been hidden in his breast for so many times burst into flames.The question that can never be answered came to chase him again: why there are often many believers gathered around people like Li Jianhong, but he, with a sincere heart, approached all people and publicized his beliefs to them. What he really felt, the theory he firmly believed in, turned out to be the most isolated person, and was added with comments such as "light vice", "reckless" and "romantic"? He felt that he was not wrong. But Why should he be punished?

At this time, Zhou Rushui was still whispering in his ears about Zhang Xiaochuan's various advantages and his amazing progress during his study abroad in Paris, but Wu Renmin had already stopped listening to him.These two people are walking on the same road but with two different hearts. They got on the tram.At the next tram stop several guests got on, and among them were three young girls. "Look, Peizhu and the others are here," Zhou Rushui suddenly touched Wu Renmin's arm with his elbow, and whispered with a smile. Wu Renmin moved his head but didn't speak. At another tram stop some customers came up.The new passengers kept squeezing inside.Fill up the vacant seats left by the passengers who get off.Li Peizhu moved inside, almost in front of Zhou Rushui.

"Peizhu," Zhou Rushui called softly, and stood up to give her the seat. Li Peizhu greeted him, and then Wu Renmin.She doesn't sit down.But gave up the seat to her girlfriend. The three girls gave way for a seat.Wu Renmin also stood up. The other two girls finally sat down.Li Peizhu introduced them to Zhou and Wu.Zhou Rushui talked with them happily. Both girls have round faces, the younger one is slightly thinner and better looking.They are similar in appearance, they are two sisters, their surname is Gong, and their first names are Dewan and Dexian. "Peizhu, I went to your house just now, and I didn't see anyone, and Jianhong was not at home." Zhou Rushui said. "Father went out to find out when Mr. Xiao Chuan's ship docked at the pier the day after tomorrow," Li Peizhu replied with a smile. "The two of them asked me to watch a movie. We just came out of the movie theater now...but why is Mr. Zhou on the tram? Where are you going now? If you don't have anything to do, please come to our house for a while. Dad will definitely I'm back too. Mr. Wu, can you sit down too?" "I don't have anything to do, but just take a walk, let's go with you now," Zhou Rushui immediately smiled happily. Wu Renmin smiled secretly, but didn't say anything.He thought to himself: "Didn't you just say that you wanted to talk to me and go to my house? But now when you see a woman, you go with her." He is really a sensualist. "Chen Zhen also gave Zhou Rushui the nickname of Sex Maniac. Chen Zhen is dead, but this nickname is not. When the tram arrived at a certain station, Zhou Rushui got off the train following the three girls.Wu Renmin stayed alone in the car, among the crowded crowd.The tram continued on.The driver may not be a skilled driver, the body vibrates violently, and the passengers often fall to the left and right.There was a roar of laughter in the car.But the crowding didn't stop.Wu Renmin looked at those smiling faces, and suddenly felt lonely in his heart.He is such a person that he often feels lonely in the middle of lively crowds.For example, in a movie theater, in a theater, the hall is full of spectators, surrounded by laughter and noise.At this time, his heart will feel a sharp pain, and he will feel as lonely as in the desert.He seems to be the only lonely person in this bustling world, his longing and pain are completely unrelated to those people.No one will ever understand him.He is always a loner wherever he is. The tram has reached a stop, and he should get off.But he doesn't move.He doesn't want to go home.He could not bear the loneliness at home.For him these days, that room had become almost a cell or a tomb, where there was nothing but loneliness and death.He didn't want to go back to that place.He let the tram carry him on. When the tram reached the end, all the passengers got off, and he got off too.He walked slowly on the cobbled road.He didn't know why he came here, nor where he was going now. Naturally the city is huge.There are three million inhabitants here, but what does it matter to him?Three million people are strangers, and no one cares about his fate.He may die here, he may scream his throat out, and no one will care about him, and no one will listen to him. Comments like "light vice," "reckless," and "romantic" hit him like stones. His friends were throwing stones at him now, too. "Just forget about this world. This vile world. Just let it be destroyed. Total destruction is a happy thing, much happier than piecemeal and slow transformation." He said to himself, as if feeling There was a burst of joy.But it was of no use, it did not alleviate his suffering, nor change his circumstances.On the contrary, he felt even more vulnerable.He was so weak that he could only curse, only moan. He walked on the street for a while, and felt that walking like this was even more boring.He suddenly remembered that it would be better to go home and sleep, so he got on the tram again.The tram quickly took him to his destination.Now he is on his way home. On the road, his steps were still slow. On the one hand, he wanted to go home, but on the other hand, he seemed afraid of going home.He has not yet been able to decide decisively what to do.He is just next to time.But he finally made it to where he lived. He shuffled wearily up the stairs. He was about to open the lock on the door, only to realize that he forgot to lock the door when he went out.He pushed open the door and went in. Someone in the room rose to meet him.He exclaimed in surprise: "Why, Zhiyuan, are you here?" "I've been waiting for you for a long time. I saw that you didn't lock the door, and thought you would be back soon. Who knew that I've been waiting for you for so long. I was about to leave." "It's really a coincidence that I forgot to lock the door today. Otherwise, you wouldn't be able to enter the room when you came. You came well. Are you from Province Y? Why didn't you send me a letter beforehand? You were on the way How many days have you been away? Where's your luggage?" Wu Renmin said happily, he completely forgot the loneliness before. "I just decided recently, I don't have time to inform you. I wanted to leave the provincial capital a long time ago, but there was no chance. I endured it for a long time, until recently I couldn't bear it anymore, so I made up my mind and ran out desperately I don't know what to do here for me now...my luggage is still in the hotel," Gao Zhiyuan said while shaking his body, he didn't seem to have the patience for five minutes.He was rarely able to sit quietly in a chair for a quarter of an hour.He was a man of about thirty, with a square face, a wide mouth, and several mustaches on his lips.The voice is not clear when speaking.He couldn't even pronounce his own surname accurately, but Wu Renmin could understand him.After three years of their separation, his tone hadn't changed much. "Okay, you came just in time. I'm feeling lonely now, so you can stay here with me. Let's go and bring our luggage here," Wu Renmin said happily. "I'm very tired, I'd better go back to the hotel to sleep today, anyway, I have to pay for the hotel for the day. How about Jianhong and the others, how are they?" "Li Jianhong and the others are still alive, but Chen Zhen is dead. Do you know?" "Didn't you write to tell me? It's a pity that Chen Zhenzhen died. He worked so desperately and hard. I knew that his lung disease would take him away. But I didn't expect him to be crushed to death by a car." Gao Zhiyuan's face The smile on the face disappeared immediately.He sighed and said two sentences in succession: "I came too late, too late." "Yes, we are always too late to do things. Li Jianhong and the others always think we have a lot of time," Wu Renmin said angrily. "It's just that I don't have the means to open their eyes wide open." "Jianhong can't be blamed for this, they are not wrong. Rushui wrote to say that you like to argue with Jianhong, don't you?" Gao Zhiyuan seemed to be speaking with a detached attitude. "Then you believe it?" Wu Renmin asked suddenly, his face changed immediately, and others didn't know what he was thinking in his heart at this moment.He sat on the sofa, took out the cigarette case from his pocket, took out a cigarette, lit it, and smoked. "I can't quite believe it either. But I know your temperament very well. You are like a volcano. You haven't erupted before, so it seems to be calm on the surface. Now it will erupt. You will spit fire on everyone. Jianhong is an elderly person, so he naturally needs to be calm. But a calm person is also needed in the revolutionary movement," Gao Zhiyuan said calmly.He put his hands in the pockets of the white feather gauze suit trousers, and walked slowly in the room. Wu Renmin didn't answer, just smoked cigarettes wildly.Smoke covered his face.After smoking one, he started to smoke the second. "Seeing you smoking, I think of my alcohol. I'm afraid my drinking capacity can be compared with your smoking addiction," Gao Zhiyuan said with a smile. "Okay, let's go to the bar." Wu Renmin stood up suddenly and threw the unburned cigarette butt into the spittoon.He patted the soot off his body with his hands and prepared to go out. "It's still early. It's not dark yet, so I want to see Jianhong first," Gao Zhiyuan suggested. "Let's go to the tavern now. It's better earlier, we can talk more. You must have a lot to say to me in the past few years, and I have a lot to tell you," Wu Renmin said with determination. Gao Zhiyuan agreed.The two locked the door and went out. They chose a nearby restaurant in Tianjin, went upstairs, picked a clean table, and sat opposite each other.Wu Renmin asked the waiter for some dishes, and another two catties of flower carvings. It was still early, and there were not many customers in the narrow upstairs, and there were still two or three tables vacant.The two drank tea and waited for the dishes to be brought to the table. The waiter brought the wine hot, and Wu Renmin ordered three more cold dishes.They drank together, drinking and talking. "I didn't expect to drink here again now," Gao Zhiyuan said with emotion after drinking a glass. "When I went back, I planned to stay for at most one year before leaving, but I didn't know it would take so long. I brought dozens of English books back home, but I didn't have a chance to read them when I got home. I couldn't do it in our province. What is it? It's too dark there, as long as you say a few more unpleasant words, you are eligible to be beheaded. You can't imagine the darkness there." "Why don't the newspapers here publish this kind of news? We hardly see any news about your province from the newspapers." Wu Renmin asked bluntly. "That darkness, that tyranny, how can you know?" Gao Zhiyuan was raising his glass to drink, and suddenly put the glass back on the table. "How can you talk? They cut off almost half of your tongue. We don't even have the freedom to speak. Young students only need to read two or three books on social science, or say a few words of dissatisfaction with the current situation." If you talk about it, you will be reported by the principal, and sometimes you will be pulled out to beheaded for the crime of being a gangster. Who dares to speak up? Now our young students have nothing else to do but talk about love and read love novels If you want to talk to them about your thoughts, you will not only kill yourself, but also their heads. You think, how can I live there quietly? How can I do things? I have spent the past few years completely wasted." "Am I still the same as you? Our place is a little more free than yours, but I haven't done anything. It used to be because of Yaozhu, but now it's because people say I'm a troublemaker. Yes, I'm always lonely Yes, enthusiastic. I am always reckless, foolish, talking big and doing small things, like Luo Ting: they criticize me like this. When I teach at a university, I always have disputes with the principal or colleagues and I am forced to leave. During two or three years, I Changed three universities to teach, but the result was the same. I can't understand the despicable behavior of those people. What education, what propaganda, there is nothing to say there. To be honest, I am having fun with the children of the bourgeoisie and cheating myself To cheat food. Or give some young ladies some dowry so that they can marry rich people. So I vowed not to teach. I said I would go to work in the union. But some people in the union were suspicious of me, and they said that I My personality is too strong to be able to do things. Only Cai Weixin is closer to me, but he doesn’t know me very well. He also said that I have a violent temper and fierce opinions. Also, in our own circle, comrades don’t believe me , Most of them are out of breath with Li Jianhong. Yes, I also feel a bit like Luo Ting myself. I can never compromise with people, and I can never get to know people. I am friends with all people, and I believe they can understand me , but the result is still the same. I wish I could smash this world into pieces." He raised his wine glass at this point, drank a full glass, put down the glass, and suddenly punched his fist on the table.The guy came running up to him and asked what he wanted.He looked at the clerk with rounded eyes, and said in a rough voice, "Bring another catty of wine." Gao Zhiyuan watched from the side with a smile, and didn't stop him, but put down his chopsticks, leaned back, leaned on the back of the chair, and said, "Luo Ting is a good man after all, he finally sacrificed for his belief." Life. He is not a person who talks big and does small things. But in all fairness, you do have too many plans. I believe there must be many plans in your box that have not been realized." "Yes, I have drawn up plans for all of them, which I believe are achievable. But people throw them away, saying I'm dreamy, that I don't understand social conditions. My energy is always in vain." "What reason is there to be discouraged? You have never done anything big. When it comes to propaganda, you have never translated a big book. When it comes to practical activities, you have never gained influence in society. What's the benefit of doing it blindly with your own enthusiasm? I advise you to cheer up and translate a few sets of complete works first. Naturally, printing costs will not be a problem. Word publicity is also very important. But like It is not enough to publish a few magazines and print a few pamphlets like this now, we should do it seriously." "Bah." Wu Renmin cursed angrily. "I thought you should make some progress after being separated from you for a few years. Who knows that you are still the same as before. Translating the complete works is exactly what people like Li Jianhong want to do, and they are starting to do it. You go to them. As for me , I don’t want to do that kind of dry and tasteless thing that consumes my life. I thought it would not be a big deal to publish ten or one hundred complete works, and China would still not be saved because of this. Chen Zhen said it well: only behavior can create power .As for books, they are just a life-killer." "I don't agree with what you said, but I believe that thoughts can create actions. The terrible thing is that I don't have firm thoughts. Now we are not out of the period of propaganda, and we have to do more propaganda work," Gao Zhiyuan said confidently. "You can't imagine my life in my hometown, where I don't even have the opportunity to publicize. I taught in a middle school, but I left in less than half a year. Because I couldn't say what I wanted to say there .I'm like a phonograph, I can only sing according to the records. And even if I'm like this, I can't avoid the suspicion of competing with others for jobs." Wu Renmin didn't speak, but just drank.Gao Zhiyuan continued: "Later I went to a military academy. It was attached to the army. I had a relative there, and he asked me to go. When I got there, he asked me to be a teacher. I refused at first. He tried hard to persuade me, and I agreed. He asked me to teach politics. I said I didn't understand politics at all. He had no choice but to ask me to do a homework. I compiled a lecture note on the history of social movements. But before I was halfway through the talk, my relative asked me to walk. I understand him, because if I continue teaching, I won’t even save his head.” Gao Zhiyuan drank two glasses of wine in succession, and held food several times.Seeing Wu Renmin just drinking in silence, he smiled in surprise and said, "You drink so much now? I remember you didn't like to drink." "I just love drinking recently," Wu Renmin said with a sigh, picked up the flagon to pour wine again, filled himself a glass, and poured another for Gao Zhiyuan. "When Yaozhu was here, she opposed me to drink so much, and I couldn't go against her wishes. Now no one cares about me. What I need is to be drunk and hot. The world is too cold." "Some people say that people who drink a lot will be burned to death by alcohol," Gao Zhiyuan said with a smile. "This sentence may make sense. You see, if you use a match to light sorghum wine, it can be ignited immediately." "But rice wine doesn't have this power. I mean it's good if it can be burned to death. It must be very hot," Wu Renmin said with a wry smile on his face, and then asked the waiter to add another catty of wine. "Okay, if you want to eat, just eat as much as you want. My drinking capacity is no worse than yours," Gao Zhiyuan said with satisfaction. "But I have to go to see Jianhong tonight. He must be upset when he sees me drinking too much. He is not polite. He will say anything in person, and he is not afraid of offending people. He will always be that dignified And it's a bit embarrassing to ridicule him in front of his daughter." He couldn't help laughing out loud. "Then, don't go tonight. They are busy preparing to welcome Zhang Xiaochuan. Zhang Xiaochuan came back from France and will be here the day after tomorrow." Wu Renmin said, and he immediately changed his tone: "Don't mention them. We still drink Come on. I've had a good drink tonight. I never got a drinking friend before. . . . Come on, man, put another pound on the bottle." "Enough, let's eat again another day. The two of us drank almost four catties of wine. You ate more than me. Look, your face is already flushed," Gao Zhiyuan discouraged. "It's not a big deal. Four catties of rice wine. Drinking rice wine is like drinking tea. Your face doesn't turn red at all, and you can at least drink another four catties." Wu Renmin said loudly. "You said that Xiao Chuan will arrive the day after tomorrow. Is it true? Why didn't he write to me? He will definitely be able to do a lot of things when he comes back. He has knowledge and experience, is loyal, and is enthusiastic. His future is full of hope. Unexpected I can see him the day after tomorrow. That's great news." "Faithful and zealous," Wu Renmin repeated, and a sad smile appeared on his face again, which still contained jealousy and loneliness.Suddenly he raised his glass and said, "Drink. Drinking is the first thing." "Don't just eat and drink, let's have a good talk. I was going to do something in a tin mining company, and one of my classmates asked me to go. When I got there, I went down to the mine to see it myself. The people who work there People are really miserable, they don't even have the freedom to breathe air. My classmate insisted that I stay there, and he arranged a good place for me. But after I saw the life of miners, I decided not to do it ... You may have seen the movie "The Soul of the Black Slave", and of course you have read many books about the Russian serfs, but you still can't guess the living conditions of those serfs. Their misery is worse than that of the black slaves in America before The serfs in Russia used to be several times more powerful. Yes, the people who worked there were called Shadong. They were completely slaves and were sold to capitalists. Some of them fled there to work after committing crimes. Some are honest farmers from other counties. They were deceived by recruiting workers, and the money for selling their bodies was taken by the recruiters. When they arrived at the factory, they were told: The recruiters have already taken your worth. Yes, you should work for me for a few years. If they don’t want to, there will be armed patrols to deal with them. Those patrols are paid by the capitalists to suppress the sand movement. put on shackles, in order to prevent them from escaping." After Gao Zhiyuan drank a glass of wine, he picked up the flagon and poured another glass.He looked at Wu Renmin.Wu Renmin was holding vegetables there, his face was flushed, and his eyes seemed to be angry. "The working hours are very long every day. Each sandman wears sackcloth, carries a sack on his back, and holds a shovel in his hand. He slowly crawls into the entrance of the cave, digs tin pieces and puts them in the bag. When it is time to rest, he climbs out of the cave. When I came to the hole, I lost my shovel and fell to the ground, motionless, my face was blue, my breath was blocked, and I was like a dead person. I walked by them, and they didn't know it. When I lived there, one night I heard the gunshots, and after asking about it, I found out that a sandstorm escaped and was shot dead by a patrolman... I can no longer stay there. I said to my classmate: I can’t work here. Your money is all It's blood stained, and I can't use one. I'm leaving," Gao Zhiyuan said distressedly, opening his mouth wide to reveal his upper and lower rows of yellow teeth.He seemed to be roaring, but he didn't make a sound, just spit out a burst of alcohol.He raised his wine glass and was about to bring it to his mouth to drink when he suddenly put it down again.He turned around and sneezed a loud, "ouch," like someone was whipping him on the back.Wu Renmin put down his chopsticks and looked at him in surprise.But he frankly took out a piece of paper from his pocket and wiped his nose, then turned his face to drink again. "Stop talking about you," Wu Renmin said suddenly, patting the table. "All troubles, all sorrows. I don't want to listen to them. Try to drink. After drinking, let's find a place to play." "Okay, then ask the buddy to bring the food," Gao Zhiyuan agreed, and he didn't want to drink any more. Two people paid and came out after eating.it's getting dark.The lights on the road are bright.There are voices of people and cars everywhere, and strange faces everywhere.Their hot heads were blown by the evening wind, and they became dizzy.Gao Zhiyuan felt very tired and wanted to go back to the hotel to rest, so he pulled Wu Renmin by the sleeve and said, "Renmin, don't go anywhere. Let's go back. I'm very tired and I want to go back to the hotel to sleep." "Don't go, don't go back, it's still early." Wu Renmin grabbed Gao Zhiyuan's left arm and said demandingly. "I must go somewhere to play, I must find a place to play, otherwise this heart will have no place to rest. I must find a place to put my heart that is burning like coal." "I advise you to go home and go to bed. You must be drunk after drinking so much rice wine today. I'm also very tired. I'm going back to sleep." "Zhiyuan, that won't work." Wu Renmin said frantically. "I can't go home to sleep. You think my heart is burning like coals, how can I go back to sleep in that tomb-like home. Do you think I'm a cold machine, like Li Jianhong?" "I must go back to sleep. My hair is dizzy and my body has no strength. I'm really tired on the boat these days, so I'm going to sleep." Gao Zhiyuan broke free from Wu Renmin's hand, intending to walk away.But he stopped and persuaded Wu Renmin with a smile: "I advise you to go back to sleep. It's cool tonight, just to sleep, and it's not good for you to run around on the street after drinking. You don't remember me The story of that time?" When he said the last sentence, he couldn't help laughing first.It turned out that he once had a story like this: it was the last time he lived here, one night it was very late, he ran out alone drunk, quarreled with some soliciting prostitutes on the road, and was arrested by police I saw him and arrested him, saying that he was going to be taken to the police station.The patrol escorted him away.He wasn't alarmed at all.He just watched the policeman, slowly took out a notebook from his pocket, and copied down the number on the policeman's collar.When the policeman saw him doing this, he suspected that he was a powerful person, so he politely let him go. "The story from that time? What story? Oh...is it the story of you fighting a pheasant on the road?... Ha, ha. That's interesting." He said here and saw Gao Zhiyuan walking on the opposite sidewalk , ran over to grab him in a hurry, and said vigorously: "Don't go, you won't be able to get away tonight no matter what." "You really can't help it. Where are you going? Isn't it good to go alone?...Okay, I will walk with you for a while. As I said, I will only walk for a while. I am not happy to fight with pheasants today," Gao Zhiyuan said with a smile, and stopped talking about going back to the hotel. Two people are walking on the same road.Wu Renmin's right hand still grabbed Gao Zhiyuan's arm.He suddenly let go and patted Gao Zhiyuan on the shoulder and said, "Okay, let's go to the big world. Go there to find pheasants..." "Go to the big world? No, I won't go, it's a place to cultivate vulgar tastes, "Gao Zhiyuan resolutely objected. "It's okay to watch a movie, but I can't go tonight. I have to go back to the hotel to sleep." "Okay, you go back, I won't keep you now," Wu Renmin said angrily. "You were originally a person like Li Jianhong, you are a Taoist." "I, I'm a moralist? A joke." Gao Zhiyuan shook his head and said. "I'm not arguing with you now. I know you're aggressive." "Come back, don't leave." Seeing that Gao Zhiyuan had really left, Wu Renmin yelled to keep him.Gao Zhiyuan didn't look back, but Wu Renmin ran forward and caught him. "Zhiyuan, don't go back, you must accompany me. I beg you. My heart is beating so hard that I can never close my eyes and sleep. You don't know that a person with such a hot heart is like being locked in a grave." Lying in a coffin-like cold bed, tossing and turning, hearing car horns outside, it’s like hearing music from hell. How uncomfortable it is. You won’t understand this kind of torture. I want it It's activity, it's heat, it's okay to die. I'm afraid of being calm. I don't want to be calm... Zhiyuan, I'm very flustered. I must go somewhere. I must go to a crowded place. That is, to the university The world is fine. I am not afraid even if I meet a soliciting pheasant. At least that exciting smell, that intoxicating hug will give me a little heat and give me a little strength. My blood is going to burn. I My heart will melt. I won't feel my presence. It must be very happy. I'm going, I'm going, regardless of your moral theory, regardless of your economic theory, I'm going there, I'm going to go there." Gao Zhiyuan stopped. He looked at Wu Renmin with surprise at first, but then changed to sympathy.Wu Renmin was talking there frantically, and the words spit out from his mouth like a fountain coming out of a water pipe, one after another, without stopping for a moment.He was obviously drunk.But Gao Zhiyuan can understand his mood very well, not only does he understand, but Gao Zhiyuan also has such a desire—a desire for warmth and strength.The difference is that Gao Zhiyuan doesn't believe that he can get a little warmth from that kind of place. "Renmin, I'll take you back." Gao Zhiyuan saw a few passers-by looking at them, so he made up his mind and said to Wu Renmin, "You need rest just like me. You're drunk today. You don't know what you said to yourself." Holding Wu Renmin's arm, he turned around and walked towards Wu Renmin's house. Along the way, Wu Renmin was still uttering his fanatical words, his body tilted to the sides from time to time, as if he couldn't stand still.高志元很费力地挟住他，又说了许多安慰他的话，但是他好像没有听见一般。这时候他的理性已经不存在了。热情占有了他，使他成了激情的俘虏。 高志元慌慌张张地走着。在离开了三年以后他几乎不认识这个城市的街道了。他一个不小心走错了路，起初还不觉得，后来忽然发觉他们是在一条奇怪的街上了。街道这样窄，这样脏，两边的人家有着玻璃门。屋檐下站了两排年轻的女人，穿着红的，绿的，以及种种引人注目的颜色的衣服。她们都是肥短的身材。每张笑脸上都涂了厚厚的脂粉。每张血红的嘴里都发出不自然的笑声招呼他们。 高志元把眼光向她们的脸上一扫，他马上起了憎厌的感觉。他突然想起吴仁民刚才说的话：使人兴奋的气味，使人陶醉的拥抱……他看看吴仁民，他害怕吴仁民会有奇怪的举动。但是出乎他的意外，吴仁民急急地拉着他往前面走，并且接连地问他道："志元，这是什么地方？这是些什么人？她们在这里干什么？"他不答话，却忍不住大声笑起来。 后来他问了巡捕，才找到正确的路。两个人急急地走着，并不要许多时间就到了吴仁民的家。高志元安顿吴仁民睡下了，才走出来。 屋子里很静。吴仁民躺在冰一般冷的床上。他的脑子渐渐地清醒了。他完全忘记了先前的事。他不知道夜是早或是迟。屋子里没有灯光。他睡在黑暗里。他不能够再阖眼。黑暗向着他压下来，使那一幅薄被显得非常重。他在床上翻来复去，总不能够镇静他那开始纷乱的心。他愈来愈烦躁。后来他掀开薄被走下床来扭燃了电灯。 他走到书桌前面坐下，茫然地把电灯泡望了一会，觉得眼睛花了，才移下眼光来。过了一刻，他从书堆里随便取出一本书，翻看了两三页，觉得不入眼便抛开了，又另外取了一本，依旧抛开了。他拿了第三本书，那是陈真的日记。他翻开了书页。读着下面的话："人类是残忍的东西罢，没有血的进步在什么地方。……""知识是赃物。知识阶级也是掠夺者，他们同时又是掠夺阶级的工具。Ｃ．Ｔ．今天来信说，英国失业工人达两百万，苏格兰High Street充满了啼饥号寒的声音，然而同时花两三千金镑买一辆汽车游玩的也大有其人。还有两大经济学家天天在课堂里鼓吹他们的吃人的资本主义……""如果世界不毁灭，人类不灭亡，革命总会到来。可怜的是生生世世做一个革命的旁观者。"