Chapter 16 Chapter 03

"I showed Pei Zhu to read that copy of Concubine Gnear's "Memoirs", but I forgot to tell you a few days ago," Fang Yadan said to Wu Renmin when he came to see Wu Renmin one afternoon. "She doesn't necessarily understand," Wu Renmin replied casually, still smoking his cigarette. "Why don't you understand? It's a good book. I read it and shed tears," Fang Yadan said enthusiastically. "It's so easy to shed tears. You have too many tears," Wu Renmin said coldly. In fact, the coldness was only superficial, but there was a fire burning in his heart.

"We should have something else to shed besides tears." "You're just empty talk, you're like the hero in that poem that Feignier read," said Fontaine angrily. "The hero spread his eloquence everywhere, but it was only empty talk. He never did a single thing. Words, however violent they are, are empty words." "Yes, you don't even dare to say fierce words," Wu Renmin closed his mouth after only saying this, because he suddenly remembered what Chen Zhen said.It turned out that when Chen Zhen gave this book to him, he once said to him: "I have read it four times, and I always shed a lot of tears every time I read it. I am crying myself, I am too weak It's gone." So he forgot himself and said loudly, "We are too weak."

He changed his tone again and said: "We are all talking empty words. Whether we go abroad or stay in China, we all live the life of the petty bourgeoisie and talk empty words. Maybe Chen Zhen is right. We It's too weak. We should all shed tears in front of such a woman." This is not an ordinary voice of admiration, his voice is full of longing, anger and regret. Fang Yadan didn't speak at first, but Wu Renmin's words moved him, but after all there were some barriers between him and Wu Renmin, and the two different personalities could not fully understand each other, not only because of the age difference.Fang Yadan has less experience, so he is more optimistic.He is the same as every young person who has just joined the social movement. He has no trauma. He only looks ahead and never thinks of "looking back".

"Renmin, you've been too agitated recently, and at the same time, you can also be said to be too sad," Fang Yadan persuaded sincerely. "If you go on like this, I'm afraid you will become a Luo Ting. Have you wavered in your mind? Otherwise, why are you so irritable?" He wanted to stop talking at the end, but it was too late, so he was a little bit Regret, I feel that this older comrade should not be doubted.He really wanted to use a few more words to explain his opinion, but Wu Renmin had already continued: "You don't understand me, Yadan, you don't understand me. If you shake your mind, you will never. This is sad, this Anxiety is an aversion to a certain group of people, and it is also the brewing of a new life. Yes, a new life. I want to end the past life. At least I have to be like Chen Zhen in the future. People, no longer circle around in the pile of books or among foreign nouns. Maybe my old habits are too deep, it is difficult to get rid of, and I don’t know if I won’t get a new life. But I always have to struggle hard. If I can’t get a new life, let He died completely, and I don't want to live in the midst of contradictions anymore. And I advise you, don't be too superstitious about Li Jianhong in the future, otherwise you will regret it in the future."

"Renmin, I always feel that you are prejudiced. Why do you fight against Jianhong? He is indeed a rare person in China. His firm belief is beyond the reach of ordinary people. Otherwise, why would there be many young people who believe that He, even treated him like a father? You see, such an influence." "Yes, such a great influence can't influence my daughter," Wu Renmin sneered. "This is your prejudice again," Fang Yadan said with a half-smile. "Peizhu is also a very good woman, a very lovely woman. Her thoughts are also good. When did she offend you? You are so dissatisfied with her."

"A very good woman. I only remember what Chen Zhen said: a woman of the petty bourgeoisie. Of the three women Chen Zhen often mentioned, two already had a home. Now she is the only one left. Let's see how she ends up." . " After Wu Renmin finished speaking, he sneered again. At this time, Li Peizhu, known as a "petty bourgeois woman", was sitting in a rattan chair in her room, eagerly reading the autobiography of a Russian revolutionary woman, which made many people cry. "Memoirs".She has been reading it for several days. Her English level prevents her from reading very fast, but she does not lose her interest in reading, at least she understands the general idea, and Chen Zhen also attached translations in important places.Every word in the great sixteen-page book, even if she did not understand it, set her blood on fire.Her heart began to heat up, sweat was beading on her forehead, her face was flushed, and her heart was pounding.It was as if something was about to overflow from her whole body.She herself didn't know why, but she felt a vague longing calling to her inside of her, a longing she hadn't been aware of before.

In her hand lay the marvelous book, such a marvelous book as she had never read.From this book, a foreign girl stands up, develops and grows in front of her, and grows into a great personality: abandoning a wealthy family, leaving a bourgeois husband, going to the folk, and applying the medical knowledge learned from Switzerland. The knowledge is used to relieve farmers in poor villages.She went through various stages of revolution, and became a "most terrifying woman" who made the tsar tremble, the leader of the revolutionary movement, and the guiding light of a generation of youth.Twenty-three years after she was buried in a dark prison, life knocked at the door again, and she returned to the world with renewed energy and returned to social movements.What a noble spirit, strong character and belief, and the attraction of a great personality.

All this is not something Li Peizhu can fully understand.This way of life was too far removed from hers.Although she had heard about this way of life from her father before, she had only a vague idea.Now it was concretely before her eyes, completely unexpected, new and alluring.Although it is too high for her to achieve, it is worth looking forward to. A passage inspired her whole heart. Under this passage, Chen Zhen drew a line with a pencil and attached a translation beside it: "There is One night I woke up from a dream. It was summer, people were asleep, but our two relatives were still sitting on the balcony chatting... They were talking about me and my second sister Lydia, saying: Lydia will Be a very nice woman; she would be useful. But Vena is just a beautiful doll. She is like that pretty red lantern that hangs in her room. The outward side is nice, but The side next to the wall was empty. I buried my head on the pillow and cried sadly. At this time, I was crying and asked myself how to be a good person."

This passage not only indicated that a beautiful doll could turn into a noble and great person, and thus gave her a glimmer of hope, not only did Chen Zhen’s tiny handwriting that seemed to be still beating make her believe that this passage had so profoundly influenced that The man she loved (yes, although she did not know him, she loved him because of his father's praise, especially after his death), this passage also reminded her of a past.So her past twenty years came to her mind continuously. She lost her mother at the age of five, but was loved by her grandmother and father, and lived with her father until her grandmother died of illness.As soon as my grandmother died, my father left his hometown alone to go outside.She was placed in foster care at a girls' school where the principal was a relative, when she was ten years old.Five years passed at school under the care of that old-minded but mild-mannered relative.During this period, her father's letters became her only spiritual comfort and guidance, but such letters were not many, because her father participated in revolutionary activities outside and was very busy, so he didn't have much time to spend on his daughter.Although her life was lonely, her father's love still warmed her sensitive heart as a young girl, and even made her often forget her loneliness.When loneliness hits, she always smiles away it.The smile is sometimes quite sad, but often it bears the tender memory of love.This is where her habit of not talking much comes from.But because of tender love, or the warmth of the memory of love, she never became a gloomy being.Five years have passed.The father, who was used to living a life of desperation, suddenly settled down in this big city again, took her out of her hometown, and let her continue her studies in a middle school.After she graduated, she lived with her father and studied literature and foreign languages ​​with him.

In the year she graduated from middle school, one spring night, she had already fallen asleep, and woke up from a dream by chance, and heard two classmates talking about their future after graduation. One suddenly said: "I think Peizhu will definitely suffer from men in the future. She is too weak and ordinary in quality, so she won't achieve much." These few words pierced her heart.She dared not cough, for fear of letting them know that she had woken up to hear these words.But she covered her head with the bedclothes and cried softly, wetting a pillow wet. In this way, she also had a similar encounter with Feignier.She, too, wept bitterly like Fegnier.A woman's heart is not forgetful.She often thought of those few words afterwards, and she repeatedly asked herself and her father, "I am really too weak and ordinary, so I can't achieve anything?" Although she herself did not dare to give a negative or positive answer. , yet a voice in her heart (a voice she didn't even recognize herself) cried out: "I can't be like this." She was not yet able to know what kind of voice it was. Her father, who seemed to understand her better, replied Said: "You are still young and don't know yourself. You are not too weak and ordinary. If you will not achieve anything in the future, it is my fault. I have often neglected you for my own sake, and have never I have helped you well. At the same time, my financial ability is too weak to allow you to receive a good education." So a smile dispelled her unpleasant thoughts. She was moved by her father's love. She thought that as long as she was with her father Even if there is no success in the future, she will not regret it. She loves her father too much, because she once received motherly love from him, because he was her only relative, and after five years of long separation , that longing made her love all the more ardent.

Her father also loved her very much.The father, who lived almost abstinent life, treated people very seriously, and usually he rarely told people a joke.To all the young men who came to visit him, he always treated them like a father, and he earnestly persuaded them, so he won their respect.Indeed, he was worthy of their respect. He himself lived an extremely hard life, which made people feel that he ate and dressed only to maintain himself and continued to work. It seemed that he lived exclusively for work.He has no personal likes and dislikes, no personal joys, no personal cares.In short, he has the conditions to be a leader.In fact, he was not such a person, but he tried his best to control himself and force himself to be such a person.So his attitude towards his daughter is completely different.Only his daughter could see his smile, and that was her prerogative.This smile filled her with everything she never got from the world. This smile connected a father and a daughter very closely, and this smile brought them closer to mutual trust. She herself had no definite mind, as her father said.She often accepted her father's ideas blindly, whether or not they were comprehensible to her intellect, but because she trusted her father, she also trusted his ideas.However, sometimes she also doubts, but she doesn't think about it.The most important reason is: there has never been a major problem in front of her, and all problems have been solved by her father. Indeed, her father loved her.Just because he loves her, he doesn't want her to live as hard a life as he does.He made a living by translating books and selling literature, and sometimes taught a few hours of classes in the university, and his income was not much.He left himself alone, and made his daughter a little more comfortable.For example, when cooking at home, he himself is a vegetarian, but he prepares a bowl of meat especially for her.She understood her father's feelings, and after all, she was too young to live a life of abstinence, so she accepted it frankly, which might not be said to be calm, but rather gratitude.In short, she let her father arrange it like this, and made this arrangement a habit.As a result, she was nicknamed a "petty bourgeois woman" by Chen Zhen, and Wu Renmin used this as a material to attack her father.Therefore, Wu Renmin often laughed at Li Jianhong for not being able to influence his daughter. However, the two father and daughter lived quite happily.They are all content, with few flaws, with little regret.Each has become the only comfort and help for the other.Yes, help each other, whether in life or work.She also sometimes helped her father transcribe manuscripts.Naturally, apart from this, the father still has beliefs and a career; the daughter also has girlfriends. During a certain period of time, she and those two girlfriends Zhang Ruolan and Qin Yunyu, who were two years older than her and had different personalities, had quite a lot in the past. For intimacy, it happened to make up the number of Chen Zhen's "three petty bourgeois women".From them, too, she had received certain influences, influences which made her more petty bourgeois.But now they are all far away from her.Qin Yunyu occasionally sent a letter or two from the United States. In addition to reporting the news of the marriage, the letters a few days ago also praised the art of Hollywood movies, the gorgeous architecture of New York City, the many cars, and the mysterious and interesting nightlife. admirer of capitalist civilization.After Zhang Ruolan married her husband, she became a well-behaved and docile wife, and followed her husband to Sichuan.These two things aroused her resentment.She was particularly embarrassed by her father's frequent remarks about "women's fragility."Therefore, she often hinted to her father that she would never be a weak woman in the future.However, she doesn't know what it means to be a non-fragile woman. She only knows that at least she won't be a first-class figure like Zhang Ruolan or Qin Yunyu.Naturally, after those two fragile women, she had several younger girlfriends. As for whether they are fragile women, she still doesn't know. But now a typical example of a woman who is not vulnerable stands in front of her.This is Verna Fignier.Many men bowed their heads sincerely and moved in front of this woman, and many young men and women saw the star shining in the dark night.It's such an honor.Even though she can't understand this woman's thoughts, anyone can understand the passionate dedication, friendship between life and death, and words burning like fire, and anyone can be moved by them. Of course, she will not be a exception.What's more, because of her father, she often meets and talks with those who are engaged in social movements. She read, she read eagerly.This magical book stirred her whole soul.Not only Fang Yadan, who lent her the book, and Wu Renmin, who said she couldn't understand the book, couldn't expect it, even her father couldn't expect it, and even she herself couldn't expect it.It seems incredible that a book should have such an influence on a young man.But in reality it was a very simple matter: she was agitated by an excess of life lurking in her body.Her energy began to overflow in her body, and she needed to let go.At this time, she can no longer be satisfied with what she has worked hard for herself.She has more tears, more joy, more sympathy, more love, and needs to let go of others.So her heart swelled, her eyes moistened, and sometimes two or three tears fell on the book.But she was not sad, she only felt a burst of joy. Suddenly she closed the book carefully, and hurriedly ran to the front building where her father lived with it in her hands, and said enthusiastically to her father, "Father, tell me, where can I buy this book? Tell me how many more are there?" A book like that?" She put a book in her hand on the table and placed it by her father's hand. Li Jianhong was writing an article, when he heard her voice, he raised his head in surprise.His eyes rested on her agitated face at first, and then on the book.He smiled.He replied gently: "There are many books of this type. I don't know very well. But Renmin must know. I heard that Chen Zhen has many books of this type, and they are all stored in him. If you like to read, You can borrow from him."