Chapter 2 Chapter two

Chapter two Twenty years ago, one winter morning, I rode my bike to find someone.At that time, there was a layer of dirty fog mixed with soot in the sky over Beijing, like a mouthful of sticky phlegm; my bicycle rattled like a tin toy duck; Wearing an old felt hat.That's how it was. The center of Beijing is the Forbidden City, and there are some street names around the Forbidden City that are related to the Forbidden City, for example, Taipusi Street, Guanglusi Street, Neiwufu Street and so on.There is an alley called Biaofangfang, which probably used to be used to steam steamed buns for the palace occupants; there is an alley called Naizifu, where some nannies who served the occupants probably lived in the past.The houses in those alleys are not very good.From 1973 to 1974, I often went to that area and knew the situation in that area very well.At that time, all the alleys in that area were paved with asphalt, but the alleys were still so narrow.Some dilapidated houses were demolished, but they were not rebuilt properly.The newly built houses are all made of badly burned red bricks, even with hollow cinder blocks on the back.The houses that have not been flipped are all short and dilapidated courtyard houses, exactly the same as in the past.What is different from the past is that there is a small house made of ash and bricks in each alley, which is the public toilet.In the past, there were also such houses, but not so many. This is because the huts in the courtyard have been filled to death, and everyone has to use public toilets.Ever since there were such small houses, every street stinks badly.In winter, I rode a bicycle through those alleys, and the roads were covered with thin ice on both sides.I saw that the houses were all sprayed with blue ash, as if their parents died and their mothers died.In the past in Beijing, only the walls of coal shops were sprayed with gray ash.But when Nixon came to Beijing, gray ash was sprayed everywhere, like a coal shop.I probably think this is more beautiful.When I was young, I didn't see how beautiful the coal shop was.I passed those alleys early in the morning.There was a layer of mist in Beijing at that time, so there was no wind.It was cold, but not so cold as to freeze the nose.At that time, except for those who went to work in the morning, no one was up yet.At the entrance of the alley, I met a young woman who was emptying the urinal.Her hair still looks a bit like a barber shop, and she is wrapped in a satin (or thread, I can't tell the difference between the two) silk padded jacket, and she wears a pair of pink cotton wool trousers underneath. Stepping on two fur nests (the kind of padded shoes with felt tops and elastic tops), with sleepy eyes, he walked towards him with an enamel sputum bucket in his hand.Both the padded jacket and the sputum bucket were brand new, which indicated that she had been married for less than a week.I was staring at her neckline because her neck and chest were as white as snow.I remember she was very beautiful, but now I can't remember what she looks like.At my age, my memory shouldn't be so bad.This is because she walked to the mouth of the sewer and dumped the sputum bucket.Not only was there a crash, but two pieces of shit rolled out of it.So I didn't remember her appearance, only the appearance of shit, and the shit peg was extremely thick and strong.That thing was frozen on the iron grate, and it would probably be frozen all winter.There are still leftover noodles and leftover rice frozen on top of it, like a strangely shaped piece of Sachima.This matter is like a mouthful of sticky phlegm frozen on the road, frozen into my brain, and probably will not be released until after I die.

Twenty years later, I think about what happened that morning again.That day I went to Naizi's Mansion to find Mr. Li.I don't know where Mr. Li is now.He probably won't be what he used to be now.But if you saw him in 1973, you would say he was a dog-faced bastard.Dog head refers to the shape of his face, which looks like a lap dog. Cat face refers to his eyes are a little yellow, and the pupils are a little narrow and long. Half of his head was blown out at that time, and now it is probably all blown out.This person is not tall, but he still has flesh on his body.There's a little chicken breast and a little hump.Not only did I know his face, I knew his ass too, because he had to put his pants on in front of me after I woke him up that morning.His panties were so ripped that he turned his back on me.But the back is more broken, and it's the same as nothing.At that time I sat down and admired his ass while finding his tobacco leaf and rolling a cigarette for myself when I saw his ass, it was like a dried apple, crumpled, and there were countless small ones Moles, polyps, etc., I don't think any homosexual who is eager to jump over the wall will be emotional when they see it.With his face turned away, Mr. Li said: Roll one for me too.This idiot is so poor that he can smoke tobacco leaves, but he doesn't know how to roll cigarettes.So he had to pipe it and it tasted like shit.It tastes like shit in your mouth, and it smells like shit to others.

There is also a lot of knowledge about tobacco leaves, which is now about to be lost.This kind of thing comes in packs of two or two, and looks like a simple laundry detergent.There is a red letter printed on the white paper, which is sun-cured tobacco, which is okay to smoke, and if it is super-grade, it is Kanto tobacco, which is better than cigarettes.There is also a green word, which is flue-cured tobacco, and it looks like shit when smoked.But bullshit is also graded. Tobacco leaves below grade two contain grass sticks, mat foils, and straws, which are not pure bullshit.Mr. Li's tobacco leaves are grade 5. Halfway through smoking, a black ball fell out of the cigarette butt. After careful identification, it was a burnt dead fly.I was sick for a long time because of this.

I can still think of many things about Mr. Li.Mr. Li rides a bicycle when he goes out. That bicycle is not an ordinary bicycle, but a Hungarian inverted wheel brake.This kind is very rare, even rarer than the old Fuji left by the Japanese devils, because it was a sample sent by Hungary when it held an exposition in Beijing in 1952.Since it was in the hands of Mr. Li, he has never repaired it, and all the parts on the car have fallen off.It is said that once the seat was missing, Mr. Li rode on the seat tube for a period of time, as if he was being staked: he grinned in pain and danced with his arms and legs.Then he developed hemorrhoids so badly that he had to buy an old car seat.The way Mr. Li gets on the bike is also very strange. He always pushes the bike and runs forward, bends down while running, turns the pedals to a specific angle, and then pedals to ride on the bike.The way of running with low body and pedaling is exactly like a dog peeing.

Mr. Li, like me, specializes in doing things that cannot be done.What I do is want to write novels, and I often submit articles to journals, but they are always returned, not to me, but to the party committee office, with an official letter, suggesting that the contributors should be strengthened in ideological education.But few people really come to educate me, because I am a little nervous.What Mr. Li did was not to write novels in the style of Victorian period, but to study Xixia.There is no ideological problem in this matter, but his job is a Russian translator, and he stopped entering Russian once he started studying Xixia.And when he was studying Xixia, he couldn't hear you even if you set off firecrackers in front of his eyes. He couldn't go to work like this.So he quit his job early and made a living by turning over manuscripts occasionally.Unexpectedly, when the Cultural Revolution happened, the manuscript fee was cancelled, and he almost starved to death.Because of this, Mr. Li became very angry and said many outrageous things.When I heard this, I comforted him like this: In fact, this matter is quite fair—why just let it stop raining and starve the African nomads to death, and not allow China to engage in the Cultural Revolution and starve you to death? Translated nomad?What's more, judging from the current situation, it is not certain whether you will be starved to death or not.But he still wants to continue to say some reactionary words: If it doesn't rain, I will admit to starving to death.What's happening now is that I didn't provoke anyone, someone insisted on forcing me to jump into the fire pit.Such was the case with Mr. Li, and I still remember it to this day.Man living in the world is like a sponge, living in the bottom of the sea.There are all kinds of events floating on the bottom of the sea, and when I encounter them, I will be sucked into the sponge, so I will remember all kinds of things.

2 That year I was jumping in the queue in Shanxi.Now I'm tall, big, and ugly, but I wasn't like that in the past.When I was young, I was quiet and thin, and I loved to dance monkey rubber bands with my female classmates.So when I went to Shanxi to jump the queue, my mother couldn't sleep.She thought that I couldn't even steam steamed corn bread, so I must starve to death, and if I didn't starve to death, I would be bullied to death.But after only one year, I grew a full beard and looked like an old bandit, and I was full of Zixu to fuck your mother.This shows that the environment can change a person, and it only takes one year to become unrecognizable to his own mother.When I was in the country, I seldom ate corn bread, but often ate chicken.The villagers said that when the hen saw me, her legs became weak, she fainted to the ground, and she didn't even cry out when she was taken away.This is of course an exaggeration.Although I was very masculine at that time, I may not be able to attract female birds.

That winter I planned to spend the winter in the countryside, but there happened to be a very strong white hair wind blowing there, and there was not enough firewood for the kang.Five or six of us squeezed into one bed, covered with all the overcoats.When I got up the next morning, I found that all the coats had rolled off the top of the quilt and fell into the peeing washbasin, frozen into a piece of iron.None of us had the guts to go outside and light a fire without our coats on, so we lit the fire inside and boiled the pot of urine, with the coats off.The smell was so horrible it blew out both my eyes.After this incident, everyone was embarrassed; everyone who saw it was ashamed, because it was really embarrassing for six dignified men to boil a pot of urine.This shows that although we look like bandits, our faces are still tender.After agreeing that whoever dares to spread the matter will be killed, we will go our separate ways.I ran back to Beijing and lived in the place where I used to live.That place turned out to be a university, and there were many people in it.At that time, it was called the "left-behind place", and only a few people lived in it.The large yard is full of weeds, and people have all left the cadre school.Mr. Li used to live in this place too, but he moved out later.It turned out that everyone in this place knew Mr. Li.

Now I should talk about the reason why I went to see Mr. Li that day.I ran back from Shanxi and lived in the left-behind office. At that time, only Dacui's family lived in that courtyard.This big Cui turned out to be our neighbor too.In addition, he is also my father's colleague and Mr. Li's old classmate.Everyone is going to the cadre school, and there are still some things at home, so we need to find someone who everyone can trust to watch.Da Cui is really the most suitable candidate.His wife is also from our hospital, so they stayed together.When I first came back, I asked him to borrow a house. I called him Uncle Cui and his wife Auntie.After I borrowed it, I changed my name and called him Da Cui and his wife Dasao.Of course, this house can’t be lived in vain, and I have to help others with some errands.So if Da Cui wanted to find Mr. Li, he didn't need to go by himself, he just told me.At that time, I was very young and had no impotence disease.

I have known Mr. Li since I was a child.Mr. Li has been working on Xixia since I was a child, and our two families used to be neighbors, so I can’t remember how old I was when I first saw Xixia.So when I saw Xixiawen later, I didn't think it was weird.That kind of thing looks a lot like Chinese characters, with so many strokes that make people dizzy, it looks like it was written by a lunatic. It is said that no one in the world can understand it except Mr. Li.Because only Mr. Li can read Xixia, so he has university knowledge.But he is still poor, because only he can read Xixia, so his knowledge is not recognized.If others can understand Xixia Wen first, maybe his knowledge will be recognized, but that is not his knowledge.In addition, it was also because during the Cultural Revolution at that time, the 800-year-old city wall of Beijing was torn down and no one said a word, and no one cared about Xixia script.In addition to Xixia, I still remember that Mr. Li's room next door was always filled with smoke, and Mr. Li's face was always so yellow, as if he had jaundice; Mr. Li was very fierce to me.I found out later that in the past, Mr. Li was most annoyed by people who would stop by him without saying hello.But then I went to visit him because he didn't have the guts to eat me anyway.The so-called visiting means that you have nothing to do and go to other people's homes to sit.But that day I went to Mr. Li to tell him that he was asked to translate some documents.There is no manuscript, only cigarettes and tea money of 30 cents for a thousand words.Mr. Li was very happy to hear that, and ran away immediately.Riding his strange car in broad daylight, wearing a strange clothes made of recycled wool (the material is the same as sacks), broke into the former university, which was called the left-behind office at that time, and everyone It is not Mr. Li's usual style to go to places where he is known.This is because there are not many people in that yard now.When there are many people, Mr. Li always goes there after dark.This shows that although Mr. Li is poor, he is still very young.

I know Mr. Li very well. Apart from being a neighbor in the same yard for a few years, he still asks me to fix his radio because he doesn’t live with his neighbors anymore.Mr. Li has a Riga brand radio, which is as big as a small cabinet and very stylish.This shows that Mr. Li was not always poor, and there were times when he could afford a radio.The guy couldn't sleep at night and tried to listen to the Russian station, but couldn't hear clearly, so he fiddled with his radio and messed with the wiring.He didn't sleep peacefully until the radio screamed a few times and stopped ringing.Mr. Li knows the 3-legged cat's radio, which happens to be able to repair the loud radio until it stops ringing.When I went to fix his radio, I had to remove all the amplifiers he had added himself.At the same time, he was also warned not to think about increasing the size, as this does not solve the problem.Also think about interference: the state doesn't keep your radio for you to listen to crap.Mr. Li said, yes, yes.I don't listen to those nonsense things, I only listen to foreign languages.But the state didn't believe that Mr. Li only listened to foreign languages, and thought he wanted to listen to nonsense, so they still wanted to interfere with him.Mr. Li didn't believe that the reason why the radio could not hear clearly was due to interference. He always thought that the sensitivity was not enough, so he kept adding amplification to it.His hands are not as dexterous as my feet, and he killed the radio as soon as he added it.Then he came to me to fix it.This thing goes on and on and on and on and on.It wasn't until the neighbors revealed that Mr. Li was eavesdropping on the enemy station, and the neighborhood committee took his radio away.When I went to him, he had just lost his radio.Mr. Li told me about it when he saw me, and at the same time he was frowning.I comforted him and said, "That's good too, so you don't have to ask me to fix it again."After I comforted him in this way, he seemed to be even more sad.This incident proved a truth: Mr. Sutter was right when he said that other people are your hell.I am the hell out of Mr. Lee.Mr. Li is also my hell: the radio he stabbed is like a hornet's nest, and the soldered wires are like chocolate balls wrapped in tinfoil.After finishing his damn thing, it feels like eating a meal of memory, not only the stomach hurts, but also can't poop.

After Mr. Li left, I stayed in his small room for a long time, poured his can of shit cigarettes on the table, picked out the dead flies and broom seedlings in it, and then put them back.I read Mr. Li's Xixia script for a long time, counting the strokes of those characters one by one.Then I tore a piece of paper from it, rolled a cigarette, locked the door for him, and came back.After twenty years, I still clearly remember what I did.But I can no longer remember why I did those things.Probably this is called cheap. 3 There is a big locust tree in the No. 6 courtyard of Naizi Mansion. In midsummer, countless locust silkworms will fall from the tree, making the ground seem to be covered with crawling grass.The grass will also crawl towards the house.I have a good impression of it, because it has always been close to Da Ini, and there are signs prohibiting honking on the streets, and the courtyard is extremely quiet in the evening.In the evening, it is often cloudy, and the color of the clouds is a little yellow.Darkness condensed on the ancient window lattices, clinging to the dark bark.Looking at the sky in the courtyard is like looking at the water surface from the bottom of a pond through thick transparent water.There was also a tall girl in that courtyard, who was wearing a pair of large underpants made of sheet cloth, walking around barefoot in the evening.My eyes were fixed on her for a long time.In the haze, she was a white mass.Over time, my gaze became one with her skin.It was a chilly feeling, like the steam in the morning.It was such a good feeling, it's a pity it's over. There is a farmers market next to our hospital, and I often go there to buy fruit.Then everyone there knew me.Someone wants to get close to me, so they say, Master, you are fifty years old.I was furious when I heard it, but I tried not to attack it.Another said, Master, are your children already in primary school?I was so angry that I almost hit him.According to them, if a person lives to fifty and has children who go to elementary school, he is considered to have achieved something.Those like me who are impotent before reaching fifty and getting married are nothing.Although they want me to kiss my ass, I am not happy.From that day on, I never went there to buy peaches again.From this incident, you can imagine the attitude of others towards Mr. Li, and Mr. Li's attitude towards others.Although Mr. Li did not have impotence back then, he did not have a wife.Besides, he's not working yet.Of course everyone thought he was a first-class fellow of dwarves.In all fairness, the neighbors at Naizifu No. 6 were very kind to Mr. Li; they introduced him to jobs and introduced him to his wife.Although those jobs are just temporary sales of salted fish in non-staple food stores, and those wives are all disabled, but how can others know that Mr. Li has mastered Xixia and thinks highly of himself.Everyone felt that finding him a cripple would be doing him a great favor.Even if it was revealed that he was eavesdropping on the enemy station, he was afraid that he would cause trouble for the neighbors, and there was no malice.But Mr. Li hated No. 6 Naizi Mansion and the neighbors, and always wanted to move out.Da Cui asked him to translate something, so he took the opportunity to move to our courtyard and live in my house.Of course there are official-sounding reasons for this matter (I have to go through some internal documents, it’s not good to bring them back, etc.), and that house was lent to me by Da Cui; if he can lend it to me, Of course, I can also lend it to others, but I am still very unhappy.This incident proved that I had nothing, even a borrowed place to sleep. I still have nothing, not even a place to sleep.In addition, there is another impotence.Now Dr. Ma is going to use psychotherapy to treat my impotence.The so-called psychotherapy is that he repeatedly said to me: brother, you want to start some.People live in this world, this is the enjoyment.This is not bad, but it's not that I can't think about it, it's that it can't think about it.I don't know if it heard it. Now it's time to talk about the situation in our hospital.Our courtyard is a block of houses, except for some old houses, they are all squares without decoration, not to mention how ugly they are.When people in the future see these houses, they must think that we have square noses and square eyes.At that time, there was no one in the courtyard, and it was covered with weeds.There are also many wild cats that howl in spring.Mr. Li, my sister-in-law and Da Cui lived in a row of bungalows at the gate. Even though the gate was guarded, someone came in from the back and removed the doors and windows of the building.I had a good impression of it, but it got worse when Mr. Li came.Mr. Li translated documents during the day and stayed up at night, continuing to work on Xixia.I was very dissatisfied with this, so I sat across the table and expressed my opinion on Xixiawen.I think whoever uses this type of writing with so many strokes must be an idiot.Hundreds of years after these idiots have died, if there are still people who want to read this kind of writing, they must be idiots.Li Sheng didn't say a word.Then I drank Mr. Li's tea again.Mr. Li got some tea bricks from somewhere, but they were all moldy; after drinking, his throat hurts.I told him again that the tea tasted like ink and it was really unpalatable.After hearing this, he still remained silent.Said that you have already read Xixia Wen, why do you want to see this thing.He said, if you don't look at this thing, what else can you look at? When I was in the same room with Mr. Li, he told me that he could not only read Xixia script, but also Khitan script and Jurchen script; in short, he could read all ancient scripts that looked like Chinese characters but no one knew them.Many Soviets, French and Chinese couldn't understand these words even if they wanted to.He thinks it's proof that he's smarter than everybody else, and I think it's proof that there's something wrong with him.I also gave the proof for this point as follows: Mr. Li has done something that no one else can do, and there is no problem with that.This proves that he is different from everyone, and there is no problem with that.But whether this difference is clever or flawed is not yet conclusive.That being the case, the minority should obey the majority.If everyone says you are smart, you are smart; if everyone thinks you are flawed, then you are flawed.Obviously, the majority will be the ones who think there is something wrong with him.Mr. Li was speechless after hearing this.Afterwards he stopped talking to me. Now other people also think that I have something wrong, so they have to tell me very simple truths.But I don't find it annoying either, because I can infer other things from one instance.For example, Dr. Ma thought that I couldn't stand up straight because he didn't know that life is such a little enjoyment, like buying only thirty catties of winter-stored Chinese cabbage every winter.The state of mind he and his wife are doing is the same as that of queuing up to buy Chinese cabbage.In fact, I know that there are only 30 catties of Chinese cabbage in one winter, but I still can't straighten up.Because I'm not a rabbit, I don't like Chinese cabbage that much. After Mr. Li lived in my house, Da Cui came here often.He chatted with Mr. Li, chatting back and forth, always about the things in the school back then, so that I can still remember those things: their school is called Harbin Foreign College, and it was established in 1948.In the early 1950s, it was dedicated to cultivating advanced foreign language talents. The lecturers were all experts, and some old White Russians were hired to clean the floor.They are not allowed to speak Chinese in school, and if they speak one sentence, they should do twenty push-ups.In addition, they are not allowed to eat Chinese food, only red cabbage soup is allowed. The newcomers are not used to eating, and their stomachs are acting strangely, and they fart with wrong cadences, and each fart lasts for more than one minute.It's a pity that they were only so beautiful for a while.Later, China and the Soviet Union turned against each other, and these guys all sat on the bench.In fact, Mr. Li can speak German, French, English, etc., but we also had bad relations with those countries at that time.Mr. Li said that if he worked harder, he could still learn Cambodian, but this kind of language smells like an American bomb, and it would not be a good job if he learned it.It seems that the two old classmates are very affectionate, but they are not.Mr. Li told me behind his back that Da Cui really hated him and was wasting his time.Da Cui also said that Mr. Li is really annoying.For a while, I didn't understand what Da Cui was up to: If you didn't like Mr. Li, why did you recruit him.It was only later that I realized that it had nothing to do with Da Cui.It was someone else who invited Mr. Li. Now I seldom go to our courtyard, because it is no longer "my courtyard".Now there are many people there, the total number is more than 26,000.Twenty years ago, only the four of us lived in Ruoda's courtyard, which was like a ghost town.I remember the grassy yard, the stones and broken glass under the grass.There are many dead branches blown down by the wind on the road, and the doors and windows of all the houses are nailed to death with wooden battens.People who live nearby sometimes sneak in to make some foreign money, but they dare not steal anything.When I saw a toilet that was not nailed, I went in and removed all the plywood.I often walk alone in the yard, thinking about the sand and gravel blown by the wind.Later, when I was wandering around, I ran into Mr. Li cuckolding Da Cui.Overall, this thing is ugly.It's like seeing two snakes entangled in the grass.I always kill both snakes in this situation. 4 Now I often think of Mr. Li, and the two of us visiting the junk market together, buying waste paper edges for a few cents a kilogram, and a handful of rusty pen nibs for five cents.In the past, there were many shabby markets in Beijing, the full name of which was called waste and used materials sales department, but now there are no more.I went to that kind of place to buy cheap electronic tubes and waste capacitors, and Mr. Li went to that kind of place to buy expired ink for Sanda.Things like ink can also be corrupted, and when it is broken, it smells several times better than big dung.After living in the same room with Mr. Li, I was able to enter the dirtiest public toilet in Beijing. Mr. Li lived in our hospital for three months that year, and then he went back to Naizi's house.In fact, he was kicked out, and Da Cui and I worked together to drive him out.It's not that I don't want to tell you the details of this incident, it's that I can't recall it now.Maybe pushed him, maybe shoved him, even hit him, I don't remember.I just remember having a sense of justice at the time.I only had a sense of justice once in my life, and I will never find that feeling again.I remember Hugo said that all irreversible things do not belong to man, but to God.So the sense of justice does not belong to me, but to God.Later, Mr. Li's radio was returned to him on the street, and when the radio broke down, he came to me to fix it.Mr. Li didn't really want to lose face when he was mixed up in that field. Mr. Hugo also said: What is not in the share of mortals belongs to God.So an impotence patient like me would offend God if he wanted to marry a beautiful girl like Xiaosun.God, his old man is cruel enough to control us so tightly. When I divorced my ex-wife, I heard a kind of argument: Impotence is simply a mental illness.In other words, if the thinking at the top is correct, the bottom will also be correct.People also said that I must have had fantasies when facing my wife, so I was impotent.These words are not without reason. When I faced my ex-wife's big underpants, I had some weird thoughts.As mentioned earlier, I think I have the talent to write novels, and this confidence is not groundless.My imagination is so rich that I can't believe that my head is the size of a No. 5 steel pot.When it was time for me to give my ex-wife a grand gift, what I saw when I rode my bicycle to find Mr. Li twenty years ago suddenly came to my mind: the young newlywed woman came to me with a sputum bucket in her hand and poured shit on the iron On the castor, the young woman looks like my ex-wife for some reason.This incident probably had a certain impact on the physical properties of my penis, but it is still difficult to say that it was the main cause of my impotence, because I was still suffering from stomach pains at the time.I have eaten potatoes and millet noodles with the skin for several years in Shanxi, and those are standard healthy foods.But if you eat them purely, it will hurt your stomach.On the day of the wedding, although I attended several wedding banquets, I didn't eat anything, so at night, my stomach hurts like hell.In this case, it was time to consult with my ex-wife.But she took off most of her clothes early and went to bed, lying upright with her eyes closed, her face flushed, and she refused to say a word.Seeing this, I had no choice but to turn off the light, and lay down beside her to sleep.Then as I have said, she began to cry.Since then, my life has entered a soft period. Later, when I thought about what happened back then, I realized that my ex-wife would not cry because of unsatisfied sexual desires.She just felt that it was her duty to have her hymen broken on the wedding night.As long as you haven't got what you should have, it will cause a feeling of impatience.As for whether it hurts or not, she doesn't care. Mr. Li has a twenty-volume set of Toynbee's Philosophy of History. I asked him to teach me English, and he used that book to teach me. Won't.I suspect that he has a grudge against me for ruining his good deed, and used this method to harm me.Mr. Tang said: Human history is divided into Yin and Yang periods. In the Yin period, humans lived scattered all over the world.Later, human beings lived in groups in some river valleys and plains. With civilization, all troubles arose from this.Similarly, my life has had hard and soft periods, like yin and yang.After softening, looking back on how hard it used to be, I can't believe that I also have soft moments. I have a cold personality, I am not good at communicating with people, and I have never met a few people in my life.Perhaps it is for this reason that I miss Mr. Li who was engaged in Xixiawen very much.Now he may be alive or dead, it doesn't matter.The most important thing is that I now finally know why he put aside his good work to engage in Xixia writing.It's because I'm already weak.If you are still stubborn, you can only think about how tough you are, and you can't think of such things.When I was in Shanxi, I heard a local opera that made a very shrill sound like being cut off by a knife.When listening, the scrotum was tight, and all the nerves were in great pain.But everyone walked more than ten miles of mountain roads to listen to it.And my ex-wife, it doesn't take much humanness to see that she's going to be a dominatrix in the future.But I used to be confused about it.This feeling is called hardness.When we are hard, we are anxious to get what we have, without even thinking about whether it is what we want.When I have something I want, no matter if it is a novel signed by my name or a Xixia script, I have already lived in another world.