Chapter 3 Chapter Three

third chapter F and Auntie Xiaoyao always thought that my uncle was a writer, which is not true.My uncle had no published works while he was alive, so at least he wasn't a writer while he was alive.Posthumous works can be published after death, but this is not a problem: anyone's posthumous works can be published, which is very different from a living person.The truth is easy to understand, death is the best talisman.Several publishers I know go to prison every day to persuade inmates to write, and sometimes they even take a tape recorder with them to the execution ground to record the last few chapters of their novels.A friend just left and never came back. When his wife found him, he was already lying in the morgue. His heart, kidneys, eyeballs, liver, etc. were all taken away, like a big clapper—— You can of course imagine that it was the wrong person, or that the executing bailiff had a moment of humor, but of course things like this rarely happen.There are too many books written by these dead men to sell well.It can be said that my uncle became a writer after the biography I wrote about him was serialized in the newspaper. At this time, all his slow-moving posthumous works were sold out.Auntie Yao, as his heir, can draw a lot of royalties.But she was not happy, and often called me to complain, the most important one was: Why is F!Is she pretty?I said: Haven't you seen the photos?She said: I think she is average, with a level of four points-what do you think?I said "hmm" a few times and hung up the phone. F doesn't have to be pretty, she just happens to be pretty.My uncle didn't have to be a good writer to be a writer either, he just happened to be good at it.If one wants to do something or write something, the most important thing is not to worry about the consequences.As long as you have this condition, you can do and write anything, and you don’t have to be beautiful or write well.

I still keep the recording of the conversation between my uncle and Aunt Xiao Yao, and once I brought it to Aunt Xiao Yao to play a part, she listened to a few words, and said: The air conditioner is turned on too much!In fact, the air conditioner was not turned on at all.After listening to a few more words, she quickly turned off the recording.My uncle's slow tone was still so slow even after he died, not only did little Aunt Yao tremble, even I got goosebumps.That time Aunt Yao asked him why he didn't do math anymore, and he said: Math can't excite him anymore.Later, he explained slowly: For a while, when I proved a theorem, or established an axiom system, my heart beat suddenly.Auntie Yao said: Then, can writing novels excite you?My uncle sighed and said, "I can't either."Later, Auntie Xiaoyao said provocatively: I know there is something that can excite you—just hearing this, Auntie Yao punched the tape recorder, which not only stopped the sound, but also broke the tape recorder.But I still remember my uncle lazily saying: Is that so—no more.My uncle's heart stopped beating a long time ago, but this did not prevent him from feeling chest tightness, shortness of breath, cold sweat, and wanting to go to the bathroom.These are all responses to fear. Fear is not fear. Its root is not in the heart, but in every cell of the body.Even a dead man is afraid—unless he is dead.

Now it's time to talk about what happened when F was with my uncle.He went to pour her a glass of boiling water, put it on the table, and then stood at the door. F caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of his eye, and said: What are you doing standing still, sit down.My uncle was sitting on the bed with his hands resting on the edge of the bed.Then F's right hand made a beckoning gesture, and my uncle sat closer. F changed her posture: crossed her legs, straightened her chest, held the upper edge of the manuscript with her left hand, rested her right hand on my uncle's right shoulder, and kept her eyes on the manuscript paper.If you saw a man with muscle like my uncle and very little subcutaneous fat, you would suspect that he had taken steroids or something.I'll bet you he didn't because that stuff is so bad for the heart. F felt that my uncle's shoulders were round, which is the case in modern wrestlers, because the muscles in the neck are too developed.She groped along his shoulders, all the way to the back of his neck, and found a spherical object under her palm, she was taken aback: Why is the Adam's apple growing here?Later, I found out that this thing was made of flesh, so I asked, "What's wrong with this?"My uncle was also taken aback for a moment before saying, "Carry the burden."Regarding this matter, I have one thing to add: my uncle doesn't like to argue with others, and when he jumps in the queue, he picks up as much soil as he can install for him.Therefore, others think that he is being brave and pretending to be more and more.Finally, one time, when he was carrying soil across a small bridge, the bridge broke, and he fell into the ditch with his poles.Others also said to him: what's wrong with you?Even the animals can call.All in all, he's such an unlucky guy.But his skin is smooth. F then put her whole arm around his neck, and my uncle also smelled the scent of melon seeds in her mouth.I have already said that my uncle never eats snacks, so he does not like this kind of aroma.

Now I can say what my uncle's waiting meant.He was waiting for something to make his heart beat, and his heart was a troubled organ, first attacked by rheumatism and then the victim of acupuncture, so it was very old. quick.The times have progressed rapidly, from nothing, to mathematics, then history, and novels in the future; but his heart is aging faster.In 1999, he was almost a heartless man, and thought sadly: It is very likely that I will wait for nothing and die.But on the surface, these defects cannot be seen.My uncle has solid muscles and smooth skin. He put his hands on his stomach and sat on the bed very calmly. F looked up at his face, saw his calm expression, smiled and said: You are really interesting.My uncle said: Thank you - he was very polite.Then she found that my uncle's neck was very strong, and she looked at his neck carefully for a while.She wanted very much to bring her own silk to my uncle to tie, but for some reason she did not do so.

Auntie Xiaoyao said that my uncle loved her very much. Before getting married, he not only kissed her, but also caressed her.She said to me, your uncle's hands are big and gentle!As she spoke, she lifted the hem of the skirt with both hands and made a pocket to represent my uncle's hands; but I don't remember my uncle's hands being that big.My uncle was also a little excited at that time, and even had a sense of humor.When our family was eating at a well-known western restaurant near the zoo, he said to the waiter: Miss, please bring me an axe, the steak is too tough.The lady stabbed the steak with a knife, but it didn't go in, so she said, let me change it for you.Take the steak away.We ate up our salad, we finished our soup, we ate every piece of bread, and the steak still didn't come.Then I stopped waiting and came out of the restaurant.The two of them suddenly stood together, and Auntie Yao said to my mother: "Sister, we are getting married today."My mother said: How unreasonable!Why didn't you say it earlier.We should also express ourselves.I then said: Yes, yes, you two are about to forget it.My uncle patted me on the head, Auntie Yao and my mother said a few unimportant words, then got into a taxi with my uncle and left first.I felt the pain of losing love, but no one came to comfort me.No one takes me seriously, and if you want someone to take me seriously, you have to wait.

After looking at my uncle's neck for a while, F said to him: Sit in it.My uncle moved in and sat with his back against the wall. F stood up, kicked off her high heels, and sat side by side with my uncle. After cracking a few sunflower seeds, she suddenly lay down and rested her head on my uncle's stomach.If it were someone else, a fluffy head resting on their stomach would be amusing, even very good.But my uncle usually didn't even dare to tighten his belt, and when his abdomen was pressed, he felt tight in his chest.He didn't dare to say anything, so he could only lift her up with his arms on his abdomen.As a result, the muscles in his chest and shoulders bulged, looking like he was waiting for a bodybuilding judge to score, but he was not. F first lay on his back, holding some manuscript paper in his hands, and then turned over and lay on his side, standing the manuscript paper on the bed.In this way, she turned her back to my uncle, supported the manuscript with one hand, and could still hold melon seeds with the other hand.In this posture, she exclaimed: "It's so comfortable!"I think it is quite possible that my uncle would disagree with this statement.

2 I like Calvino's novel "The Invisible Knight" very much.This knight is like this, he can go out, stand in line, and lead troops to fight, but he doesn't exist.If you take off his visor, you will see a black hole.The touching thing about this story is that the nonexistent knight can also eat, although he just chops the meat off the plate and rolls the bread into balls; he can also make love to women, in which case he puts the The lady was hugged in her arms, and the woman was very excited and excited.But he can't take off his armor. Once he takes off his armor, he will be completely disintegrated and turned into nothing.So even the women who had sex with him didn't know who he was, whether he was a man or a woman, let alone whether their love belonged to the category of homosexuality or heterosexuality.You never see F yawning, but sometimes you see her mouth tightly shut, her jaw slack, her nose elongated, and that's when she yawns.You never see her laughing, in fact, she often laughs at you, but that kind of laughter only happens between her chest and belly, not visible from the outside.When she was lying on my uncle's stomach and reading a novel, she asked my uncle to touch her stomach, and my uncle found out that she was laughing all the time (of course, she also found that her stomach was very flat).This is normal, because my uncle's style is dark humor.Because of this way of laughing, she has to go to the bathroom immediately after drinking water.She smiled like she wasn't smiling, yawned like she wasn't, the non-existent knight ate like she wasn't eating, made love like she wasn't having sex.My uncle never yawned, laughed, or yelled, because such activities taxed the heart.Which of the two is more non-existent, I haven't figured it out yet.

Auntie Xiaoyao told me, that F was made up by you, there is no such person.I said: Yes.She immediately sat upright and said: Are you serious?I said: tell a lie.She yelled: Bastard!Same as your uncle!This statement is wrong, my uncle and I are not the same at all.In fact, Auntie Xiaoyao, like other women, doesn't care about the truth at all; as long as you can tell that you are a jerk, you will be satisfied.We were in her bedroom at the time, and Auntie Yao was wearing a red satin pajamas with black trim around the collar and sleeves, and a black belt.She unbuttoned the belt to reveal her large, ample breasts and said: Come on, see if you can get it right.After the matter was over, she said, "It's still not right."At this age, she has learned theoretical physics from scratch again, and often calls me in the middle of the night, asking some ridiculously childish questions.This is the first time I have heard of someone studying theoretical physics twice in a lifetime.

Now it's time to move on to my uncle and F.My uncle sat on the bed, holding F's head in his hand, and gradually felt a little muscle ache.He couldn't say anything, so he went back and thought about the original mathematics.This kind of thing is a branch of mathematics, and it can also be said to be the basis of all mathematics. Its function is to cause headaches.After deciding to write a biography of my uncle, I looked for a few books on this subject, and then took a few aspirins; this experience can show that my uncle studied this kind of writing because he was desperate. thing.Upon entering the field, one's first needs are a pencil and some paper.Those symbols and cumbersome formulas, just thinking about them with your brain will make your whole brain itchy, and writing them down with pen and paper can relieve the itching.But the situation at the time was that he couldn't get paper and pen, so he used his fingernails to draw on the skin of his thigh.After a few strokes, F turned over and said: What are you doing!Pick and choose!My uncle ignored her because he was thinking about a math problem. F turned around and continued to read the novel, and found that my uncle was still scratching, so he sat up and took a bite an inch below my uncle's throat.But she didn't bite off the meat, just left a tooth mark.Then she stepped back, watching my uncle's eyes widen, and a purple mark on his chest fading, and found it very interesting.Then she pointed to my uncle's right shoulder and said: I still want to take a bite here.My uncle didn't say anything, just sent his right shoulder over.There she took a bite and said: "Put your hand on my stomach.My uncle put his hand there and noticed that her entire abdomen was twitching, and thought: Oh, so this is very funny.But where is the joke, he always figured it out.

F's opinion of my uncle is this: big, docile, with solid flesh (she felt it with her teeth), like an old buffalo.Auntie Xiaoyao had the same opinion of him, except that he looked like a stallion; this was because she had never bit my uncle with her teeth.That night, the two of them took a taxi back home, lay down on the double bed, and Auntie Yao put her foot on my uncle's stomach.As I have already said, my uncle's stomach is not compressed, so he supports the foot with the jaw of one hand.Auntie Xiaoyao put her other foot on my uncle's stomach, and my uncle supported her foot with his other hand.It is very comfortable to put your feet up when your legs are tired.Auntie Yao felt very comfortable and fell asleep.And my uncle was not asleep.At that time, there was a dim electric light in that house, and I looked in through the window from the outside, and felt that the scene was grotesque; and I thought that my uncle must have admired crabs, spiders, octopus and other animals at that time. , if he really has so many limbs, it must be very convenient to spare two to support Auntie Yao's feet.And when Auntie Yao woke up and saw her newlywed husband turned into a giant spider, she would definitely scream in fright.I think my imagination is very interesting, and I forget the pain of losing love.

Now it's time to talk about myself.I have lost love about 20 times, but the damage of this incident is less than once, and I have never lost love since I was 20 years old, so I think love loss is like measles, if you don’t lose it a few times, you will not have immunity.The special significance of Aunt Xiao Yao was that she was in front of a pie seller in the cafeteria.When she found out about it, she asked me to show her; and after buying a few pies, we went home together.She said: You have a beard.The hair on that girl's upper lip is a bit heavy. I didn't think it was a problem before. After hearing what she said, I made up my mind, cut off all my love threads, and fell in love with a girl in the senior grade unrequitedly until she failed to enter the key high school. .You know I value intelligence very much, and I don't like stupid people.These were the first three times I fell out of love.The last time was like this: One day, I saw a girl walking towards me on the street, she was very beautiful, and I fell in love with her.When I walked behind her and smelled a bad smell, I stopped loving her.Auntie Xiaoyao said that I was too sentimental and unspecialized.I said, this is all your fault.She heard it and cried: "Boy, I am your aunt!"Now she doesn't like to hear me call her aunt, which shows that a woman is still willing to be an aunt when she is thirty, but not when she is forty or fifty. 3 Some people say that Carpentier wrote a novel according to the rhythm of Beethoven's "Fifth Symphony". Whether this novel is like this can only be judged by Beethoven himself. already dead.There are models for all my uncle's novels, one of which is "A Course in Logic".On page 78 of that book it says: 1. A true proposition is implied by the truth value of all propositions; 2. The truth value of false propositions implies all propositions.There is also a confession of my uncle on page 78 of his collection of stories: Good novels can be written in all ages, and bad novels are in fashion in all ages.The above is called "the paradox of truth implication" in logic. This paragraph has been deleted in the current textbook and replaced with "..." for the reason of advocating nihilism.In my uncle's book, this paragraph was also replaced by "mouth", the reason is also to promote nihilism.Contradictions like this abound in these two books, so there are many "..." and "mouth" in these two books.One of his best-selling books is composed entirely of "mouths" and punctuation, what the model is, I certainly can't say.It is so fascinating that everyone has a copy, and everyone is filling in it, which is a bit like playing a crossword puzzle. When F read these novels, he didn't have a single "mouth", which is why my uncle was in a cold sweat.But F did not point out these inadequacies, probably because she was off work at the time.When it was almost dark, F jumped up, straightened her hair, and went out.My uncle continued to sit on the bed without moving. He didn't go to the window to look down until he heard the car starting up downstairs.The car turned on its taillights, headlights, and drove off on the dark road.He got up slowly, went to the toilet to wipe his face, and then came back and took a book off the shelf to read, maybe it was a math book, or a history book, or even a novel.But now that my uncle is dead, it doesn't matter what he read.While reading, he imagined that F had already arrived in the park and stopped another big man with long hair on the dark boulevard.That person may have taken an empty lighter, or a box of matches without ends;After being stopped by her, that person may be honest, or he may not accept his strength.So F said in a thick mezzo-soprano: Routine inspection, please cooperate! The word "cooperation" was the most overused in the last century.At first, some small non-staple food stores were called "cooperatives", and later they were used as cooperatives. Of course, in most cases, it means you want to catch them with your hands.It finally evolved into a synonym for sweet and nice, and it was the end of the century. F's job is to check whether everyone cooperates.My uncle thought maybe she would find someone more cooperative and stop coming.When I thought about it, I felt a little lost.But this is his heart, and there are few people who are more cooperative—in other words, few people are sweeter and nicer because he is a heartless person. Because I said that my uncle is a very cooperative person, some readers wrote to the newspaper saying that my writing was private.He thinks my uncle doesn't cooperate at all because he sneaks "the paradox of truth-value implication" into the novel.I suspect this reader is a novelist, jealous of my uncle being able to publish a book.But I wrote a defense essay to show that whatever my uncle wrote was secretly at home; and that he never dared to write to the newspapers to trouble historians.After replying in this way, there will be no more letters.This kind of letter is very annoying. As we all know, mathematical logic is being criticized now. The official statement is that this is a pseudoscience, just like the theory of relativity in the Soviet Union at the beginning of the last century, and Malthus's "On Population" in China in the middle of the last century.After a while, you may find that you can't do it without mathematical logic, and you will rehabilitate it.Before that, I don't want to be accused of "propagating mathematical logic". My uncle lived in an era when there were very few street lights at night, and most windows were unlit at night.When he lit a lamp to read a book, he attracted a large group of mosquitoes and moths, which slammed into the screen window.Then he turned off the light, and the room was pitch black, except for the gray windows, where the air could still be felt.Although he lived on the fourteenth floor, my uncle still felt that someone was peeping through the window and would break in at any moment.What he thinks is: If someone breaks in, cooperate.No one breaks in.After thinking about this, he lay down and fell asleep. Aunt Xiao Yao said that my uncle was also very cooperative on the wedding night.When she woke up that night and saw the darkness in the room, she got up and turned on the light.After the light was turned on, I found my uncle sitting on the head of the bed shaking his hands.She thought it was weird, because she didn't know that my uncle had been holding her feet with his hands, so the blood was blocked and his hands were numb.Because she had a fluorescent lamp installed in her bedroom, that kind of light flashed fifty times a second, so she saw that my uncle had many hands, which was very grotesque.Afterwards, my uncle shook them off, and those hands disappeared, and there were only two left, but she still felt that my uncle was very strange.As far as I know, some women feel this way about a man when they first decide to have sex with him, and Auntie Xiaoyao is one of these women.She said to my uncle: Go and wash.My uncle went into the bathroom, and when he came out, Auntie Yao didn't look at him, but also went into the bathroom, took a shower there, put on her water-red underwear, and walked out.At this time, my uncle had already turned off the headlights, turned on the bedside lamp and was lying on the bed, covered with a towel and quilt.Auntie Xiao Yao walked over, pulled up the towel, and lay down beside my uncle.Later my uncle said: Go to sleep.Then there was no sound, breathing evenly, and really fell asleep.Auntie Xiaoyao remembered what my mother said in the past: "My brother may not be able to do it." It turned out that she had forgotten these words.But she decided to make a difference anyway.After my uncle fell asleep, she got up quietly, turned off the lamp, took off the bra by herself, uncovered the towel, and straddled my uncle like a big frog; she put her face on my uncle's chest The cold place in front of me is where the heart is; then I also fell asleep.Auntie Xiaoyao told many people about this.Some people think that "cooperation" should be different between men and women, and a man who behaves like this on his wedding night cannot be called "cooperation".At this moment, a man's cooperation should be to get up and make a difference.In this regard, I completely agree with Auntie Yao's opinion: cooperation is a supreme category, and it does not distinguish between time and gender.It is a category of "acceptance" where doing something is not cooperating. The weather was hot and stuffy that night, and my uncle was very uncomfortable.He felt chest tightness and shortness of breath, and he was sweating profusely on his neck.There was a rain in the middle of the night, and it was much cooler, and my uncle fell asleep by then.When he woke up, it was already gray outside the window, about four o'clock.Although it is summer, it is also very cold at this time.Dimly, he saw F standing at the head of the bed, with wet hair, hanging the skirt on the bookshelf.Then she turned and my uncle saw that she had tied up the front of her blouse, revealing her black silk panties, and her black silk stockings were slung over the chair.And he stretched his waist—without fully stretching his arms, he lifted them up like he was shouting slogans—yawned, and wrinkled his nose.My uncle knew that F yawning should not be seen by others, so he felt that something was wrong.Then F picked up the towel on my uncle's body and climbed onto the bed, and arched my uncle with his shoulders and said, "Put it in."My uncle shrank back of course—in other words, he turned his body on his side, and F lay down with his back to my uncle.My uncle thought that F might be sleepwalking, or he was too sleepy when he got off work, so he went the wrong way.In both cases the result is the same, that is, F does not know where he is and who my uncle is.Besides, my uncle couldn't conclude that F was sleepwalking, so he couldn't tell whether it was offensive to remind her.If you are a person who is ready to cooperate, you will definitely agree. It is the biggest nightmare in life to be unable to determine whether the other party is sleepwalking: if you think that the other party is asleep, but the other party is awake, you will be killed. Because you should not slander and say that the other party is asleep; if you think the other party is awake, but the other party is asleep, you will also be killed, because you are responsible for reminding.My uncle froze there, not daring to move.Later F said in a sleepy voice: You smell of sweat, go wash it off.My uncle got up lightly and went to the bathroom to take a shower. That morning my uncle took a cold shower, and after the water in the pipe ran out, the water from the depths came out, so the more he washed, the colder it became, and every pore of his body was tightly closed.So his scrotum tightens and his arms clamp his ribs.He turned off the faucet and looked out the window, only to see the grayness outside.Then he came out of the bathroom and saw F stretched out on the bed, fast asleep. 4 The greatest contribution of psychology in the 21st century is to prove that people can sleepwalk anytime and anywhere, and fall asleep with their eyes open, and the more great people are, the more likely they are to suffer from this disease.This provides a good tool for us historians, and many major historical events can be explained by this theory.When a person is sleepwalking, the more you tell him that he is sleepwalking, the deeper he will sink into the dream, so you must wait quietly for him to wake up.But sometimes people really can't wait, because people can't always live in the world. The longer you live in this world, the more you will find that some people in this world are always sleepwalking.The resulting communication problems are a burden to anyone with a healthy heart, and my uncle is a sick man.My uncle sat in the chair while F slept, the black tie on her shirt untied and hanging over her shoulders.The room was cold as if it had been washed by water, and there was a sour smell of fresh fruit.At first there was no sound around, then gradually the sound of birds came from the woods below. F woke up at this moment, she asked my uncle to stand up, then told him to take off his underwear and sit on the bed.My uncle's thing gradually straightened, like a straight stick. F leaned over it, feeling a vague heat.She flicked it lightly with her fingers again and found it trembling slightly. F licked his lips and said: Let's play.Then take off your shirt.At this time my uncle wanted to say something, but then he didn't say anything. My uncle's biography was published in "Biography", because of the above paragraph, he was suspended for three days and fined.In order to compensate for the loss of subscribers, the newspaper decided to give each household a can of Coke every day.The editor-in-chief said that we have already been fined, and we can no longer pay for the Coke.I could have paid for the Coke by check or credit card, but instead I borrowed a pick-up truck and drove all over town looking for cheap Coke.I finally found one of the cheapest ones that was only three days away from expiry date.What pleases me the most: it's a diet cola, not sweet at all, just a hint of licorice.No one in the Chinese likes to drink, and I just want to give this kind of thing to the Chinese to drink.This situation shows that I don't want to cooperate, and I hold my breath—as we all know, we always get the manuscript fee from the newspaper office, and we have never paid money to the newspaper office—but I have to cooperate, because it is my manuscript that leads the newspaper office. It was suspended. If I don’t cooperate, no one will ask me to write in the future.In this situation, I feel very annoyed, embarrassed, and straight up all day.Because of this rare experience, I can understand how my uncle felt at that time.He was sitting naked on the bed with his back to F, and the surrounding air was cold. F arched up, put his face on his thigh, stared at his dick, which made him feel very embarrassed; and the dick stretched out in embarrassment, its veins were dilated.Anyway, others did not see my embarrassment, but my uncle was under the gaze of others; therefore his face was flushed, as if he was very energetic.In fact, if F didn't say "let's play", he would say "sorry", "sorry for that" and so on.Until the end, he didn't know if that was cooperation, because from the bottom half, he looked angry and disobedient, which was not a cooperative attitude; from the top, he was ashamed and shy, so The son is very cooperative again.He had been ashamed even while doing that, and afterwards curled up on the bed like a beaten dog.Fortunately, F didn't say anything to him later, she took a cold shower, put on her clothes and left.Regarding this part of my uncle's biography, the "Biography" said: You (meaning me) are too talented for our tabloid to enjoy; besides, we can't afford to make mistakes that we knowingly make.This is asking the question from the newspaper's point of view, and from my side: You are a well-known biographer and a member of the Historical Society, so you can't do such explicit sexual descriptions-this is what novelists do, The level is very low.But my uncle has done such a blunt thing, what can I do? These are historical facts.What is not a historical fact is this: After my uncle and Auntie Yao got married, they went back to the house where he used to live, found an old typewriter, and typed all day long.Aunt Xiao Yao told me to go and see him, but I refused to go.This is because Aunt Xiaoyao no longer has the original weight in my heart.Then she promised to give me ten dollars, which was different.It takes an hour to ride a bicycle to my uncle's place.At the age of thirteen, earning an hourly wage of ten yuan is not a small amount.I think that ten yuan an hour should not just go and have a look, but also provide a little more service, so I asked Aunt Xiao Yao: Do ​​you still need to bring a sentence?She looked shy and said: You ask him what's wrong, why he didn't go home.I really wanted to remember to ask my uncle, but I forgot when I got there. When I wrote a biography of my uncle, I did some preparatory work in advance, and I didn't write it just by picking up a pen.For example, I wrote to his mentor when he was studying abroad, asking how my uncle is talented.The old man, who was seventy years old, wrote back and said: He remembered my uncle, a silent oriental man, who was a genius when he first met him, and then became very stupid.I will write again to ask: when is my uncle a genius and when is he stupid.He told me that my uncle was a genius when he first came to the department as a graduate student, but after returning to China to recuperate, he became stupid; he often sent some incomprehensible papers, claiming that he had proved some theorems or invented something system.In fact, others have discovered these theorems and systems long ago. The old gentleman said, why did your uncle forget everything?At first he sent some copies to my uncle, telling him that these things were no longer fresh; then he stopped talking to my uncle.Because my uncle's discoveries were against the trend of history. In other words, he first discovered advanced and complex theorems, then discovered simple and primitive theorems, and finally discovered that mathematics does not exist at all; it is really meaningless to people.Considering that the addressee was the nephew of the gentleman he mentioned, he also wrote some words of comfort at the end of the letter: As far as he knows, all geniuses will eventually become stupid.For example, he himself, who was originally a genius, has now become a "tasteless old fart".This sentence is not so ugly in English, it is ugly when it is translated into Chinese.In this way, it is a common law to turn from a genius to an old fart, and this event always happens when a man is in his forties; in the case of my uncle, it happened before and after he married Auntie Yao.This incident was also reflected in his novels. There were a lot of "mouths" in the novels he wrote before he got married, but there were fewer "mouths" after marriage. A few months before he was crushed by the elevator, he also wrote a novel , and now there is not a single "mouth" printed out.Of course, it also depends on who you are and what you do.Some people never prove the simplest mathematical theorems, write novels without a mouth, and some careers never show genius.There is a similar change in women, from looking better without clothes to looking better with a little clothes on.This event always happens when a woman is in her thirties.Of course, it also depends on what kind of woman and what kind of clothes, some women are always better to wear some clothes, and some clothes are always better to not wear.Originally, I planned to write about my uncle and Aunt Yao on this topic, but all parties involved, including the superiors, the editorial department of "Biography", and the publisher of my uncle's novels, refused to allow me to write like this. According to this logic, everyone has either become an old fart, or has always been an old fart; either it has become "cover up", or it is better to always cover up.Now there are too many men in their forties and women in their thirties, and we cannot afford to offend them.So I wrote the thread of my uncle and F.Unexpectedly, as I wrote and wrote, I still couldn't pass.If I had known this, I should have written about Aunt Yao.As my uncle's widow, she didn't give a damn if I made my uncle an old fart.She had an odd logic about it, according to which she said: Then we're even. 5 As I said, my uncle had a heart attack when he was very young.The doctor said to him: You can't go up the stairs, you can't choke on water, you can't smoke or drink, you can't... There are many things you can't; of course, you can't have sex.But the doctor said: As long as you don't want to live, you can do whatever you want.The leader told us: As long as you don't go out of line, you can write anything.These two sentences have similar sentence patterns, but opposite meanings. The meanings of wanting to live and going out of the way are completely opposite.So once my uncle doesn't want to live, he can do anything, but we can't write anything unless we are out of line.我舅舅一直很想活，所以假如哪天回家时看到电梯停了电，就在楼下等着。到天黑时还不来电，他就叫一辆出租车到我家来，和我挤一张床。我那张床一人睡还算宽敞，再加上一条九十公斤的壮汉，地方就不够了。因为这个原故，新婚之夜他对小姚阿姨说，睡吧。第二天早上他醒来时，看到小姚阿姨睡在他怀里，当时她有一对纯天然、形状美好的乳房，身体其它部分也相当好看。我舅舅看了以后，马上就变了主意，不想活了。他立刻奔回家来给自己料理后事，把没写完的小说都写完，并且搜罗脑子里有关数学的主意，把它们都写成论文投寄出去。这些事干得太匆忙，所以小说没有写好，论文也带有老屁的味道。他这个人独往独来惯了，做这些事的时候，忘掉了、或者根本就不会想起要和小姚阿姨打个招呼。后来他倒是托我告诉小姚阿姨，他忙完了就回去。我回去以后总是忘记把这话告诉小姚阿姨。所以她现在怀疑，这段时间里，我舅舅在和F做爱，天天云雨不休。那位F穿了一件白底带黑点的衬衫、一条黑裙子，脖子上系着黑绸带，内衣是黑色的。小姚阿姨告诉我说，她从来不穿黑色的内衣，因为觉得太不正经。这一点我倒没有想到。总而言之，我舅舅再回到小姚阿姨那里时，头顶已经秃了，皮肤变成了死灰色，完全是个老屁的模样。他要求和小姚阿姨做爱，小姚阿姨也答应了，但是觉得又干、又涩、又难为情，因为“你舅舅那个大秃脑袋像面镜子，就放在我胸口上！” 小姚阿姨告诉我这件事时，我在她家里。我说道：不对呀。你说过，我舅舅是个善良的人，和他做爱很快乐，现在怎么变成了又干又涩呢？她就把自己的拳头放在嘴里咬了一口说：我说过的吗？我告诉她时间、地点、上下文，让她无法抵赖。这是我们史学家的基本功。不过，时间地点上下文都可以编出来。她说：不记得了。又说：就算说过，不能改吗？我对后一句话击节赞赏，就说：你别学物理了，来学历史吧。我看你在这方面有天才，我招你当研究生好了。她愣了一下说：你说话可要算话呀。这话使我又发了一阵子愣，它说明女人没有幽默感，就算有一点，也是很有限。其实我并不想招她当研究生，而且今年上面很可能不让我招研究生——我已经出格了。 现在该说说我出格的事了。有一天早上，我收到一张传票，让我到出版署去一趟。到了那里，人家把我的史学执照收去打了一个洞，还给我开了三千元的罚单，让我去交钱。因为执照上已经有了三个洞，还被停止著述三个月，并且要去两星期的学习班。此后每天都要去出版署的地下室，和一帮小说家、诗人、画家坐在一起。有一位穿黑皮茄克的女孩子坐在主席位子上，手里拿了一根黑色的藤棍，说道：大家谈谈吧。新来的先谈。what happened to you?我羞答答地说：我直露。她砰地一声把藤棍抽到卷宗上，喝道：什么错误不能犯，偏要直露！你是干啥的？我说：史学家。她又砰地抽了一下桌子，说道：史学家犯直露错误！新鲜啊。以为我们不查你们吗？我低声下气地检讨了一阵子。等到午餐时间，我和她去吃饭，顺便把给她买的绿宝石项练塞到她包里。她笑吟吟地看着我，说：小子，不犯事你是不记得我呀。我当然记得她，她是个真正的虐待狂，动起手来没轻没重。如果求别人有用的话，绝不能求她；但我的执照上已经有了三个洞，不求不行了。我说：我想考张哲学执照。她说：有事晚上到家里去谈吧。钥匙在老地方……带上一瓶人头马。我擦擦脸上的汗水，说道：我去。于是她站了起来，挥了一下藤鞭说：下午我有别的事。谁欺负你了，告诉我啊。 t靮P 我在学习班里，的确很受欺负，但这不意味着我要找督察（就是那位穿黑茄克的女孩，她也是师大历史系毕业的，所以是我的师妹）告状。下午分组讨论时，听到了很多损我的话。有位小说家阴阳怪气地说：我以为犯直露错误是我们的专利哪。还有位诗人说：这位先生开了直露史学的先河，将来一定青史留名。有位画家则说，老兄搞直露史学，怎么不通知兄弟一声？让我也能画几张插图，露上一手。这种话听上一句两句不要紧，听多了脸上出汗。我禁不住要辩解几句：诸位，我写的是我家里的人，是我嫡亲的娘舅。所以虽然犯了直露错误，还有些有情可原的地方。结果是那些人哄堂大笑起来，说道：以前还不知道，原来史学家干的就是这样的事呀！这种遭遇使我考哲学执照的决心更加坚定了。众所周知，哲学家很少会出格，就是出了格也是宣传部直接管，不会落到层次如此之低。