Chapter 2 2

2 Before my uncle entered the training school, he had many lovers.I know this well, because I used to sneak into his room and peek in the closet.I have the key to his room, but don't ask me how I got here.My uncle's living room is full of his own works, but he can't read them, and he will feel dizzy if he looks at them for a long time.This is one of the reasons why he made mistakes.The leader taught him a lesson: good works should make people feel comfortable after reading them, and should not make people dizzy.The uncle retorted: Then Kaisailu is a good work?This is of course a mess, the leader is talking about mood, not anus.However, my uncle's ability to pull the trigger is very great, no matter how clever the leader is, he will still have a headache.

Every time I'm at my uncle's house, I can wait for a girl I don't know.The girl entered my uncle's living room, looked around, then screamed and couldn't stand still.My uncle prepared special glasses for these visitors: the plain mirror was pasted with a layer of black paper, and there was a small hole in the center.After putting on this kind of glasses, the guest stood still and asked: "What are you painting?"The uncle's answer is: see for yourself.The girl looked carefully, and couldn't stand still after watching.My uncle has another kind of special glasses for this kind of situation: a layer of black paper is pasted on the flat mirror, and there is a smaller hole in the paper.After looking through this kind of glasses for a while, I will not be able to stand still until I wear the last kind of glasses. This kind of glasses is just a layer of black paper without holes. After wearing them, I can't see anything, but I still feel dizzy; Eyes, those dizzying patterns continue to float in front of my eyes.Those girls all fell in love with my uncle in a daze, so they made love to him.I peeked through the narrow slit in the closet and saw the girl take off to the last three o'clock, so I consciously closed my eyes and didn't look at it as required by the rules for middle school students.In the panting sound, the girl was still asking: "What exactly are you painting?"My uncle's answer is still: see for yourself.I guess some girls may be virgins, and they finally asked: I am all yours, tell me what you painted.The uncle said, "Let's be honest with you, I don't know either."Then the girl slapped him in the mouth.Then the uncle said, I don't know if you hit me.Then my uncle got another slap in the mouth.This shows that he really doesn't know what he drew.When I opened my mouth, I thought I could open my eyes and see.I saw that those girls all looked similar: thin arms and legs, and a slender figure.They all wear two-piece knitted underwear, with a half vest on the upper body and briefs on the lower body. The only difference is the pattern of the underwear.Some people's underwear has red dots on a white background, some have green vertical stripes on a black background, and some have white horizontal stripes on a green background.No matter what they wear, I don't like them—neither an artist nor a policeman. If you want to be my aunt, are you worthy?When my uncle entered the workshop, I also graduated from high school.I want to be an artist, but I don't want to go to college.But my mother said that if I was as naughty as my uncle, she would kill me.In order to prove her determination, she asked someone to buy six pig-killing knives from rural Hebei, sharpened them, and put them in the kitchen. Every morning, she asked me to go to the kitchen to look at those knives.

If there is yellow rust on the knife, she will sharpen it, and often buy a live chicken to kill, to try the knife.After killing, cook the chicken carcass and let me eat it.So always prepare unremittingly, until the end of the college entrance examination.My mother is a heroine in high school, and she always walks the talk.I was so frightened by her that I passed the exam in a daze, and finally entered the Department of Physics of Peking University.The lesson of this incident is: if you are afraid of being killed, you cannot be an artist, you can only be a physicist.As you know, I am now a novelist as well as an artist.But it's not because I'm not afraid of killing—my mother is dead, and no one is coming to kill me.

Ten years ago, I sent my uncle to the workshop and carried the luggage for him. My uncle himself carried a large net bag—this kind of thing is also called a basin cover. In addition to holding the washbasin, it can also hold towels, cups, and toothbrushes Toothpaste and a few rolls of toilet paper, we walked to the big iron gate together.It was a gloomy day.I don't remember what I said to my uncle on the road that day, but I probably expressed my envy for him being able to go in.Behind that gate is a compound with a concrete wall. The iron gate is closed, and only a small gate is open. Everyone has to bow to enter. A large group of students stood in front of the gate, listening to the roll call. And enter.By the way, I didn't come here voluntarily to see my uncle off. If so, I would have to be broken up by my uncle.

The leaders require that every student has a relative to send him off, otherwise they will not accept it.When it was our turn, an incident occurred that may illustrate my uncle's conduct in those days.The age difference between my nephew and my uncle is a dozen years apart, which isn’t a lot, and besides that, we both wore corduroy jackets—a fabric that, ten years ago, would have been worn by self-styled artists—and so did I. With long hair, and I look like him again.All in all, when I got to the small iron gate, my uncle suddenly pushed me on the back and pushed me inside.When I wanted to turn back, the people inside had already grabbed my collar and pulled me in with all the strength of a bull.When someone pulled me, I instinctively moved backwards, but I froze at the door.The underarms and back of my coat were hissing, and at the same time I was pleading at the top of my lungs, but the inside wouldn't listen.It must be explained that they took me as an uncle, which shows that I am not the only one who likes my uncle.

The training center is somewhere in the western suburbs of Beijing. When I say this, you should understand that its address is kept secret.Next to it, there is a circle of barbed wire with several fish ponds inside.At the end of winter and the beginning of spring, there is no water in the fish pond, only dry and cracked mud, and the half-dry and half-wet smell of pond mud is everywhere.A man in blue cloth stood by the fish pond. Seeing such a large group of people, he opened his mouth to look, not afraid of catching a cold in his tonsils—that’s how it is in that place.I got stuck in the doorway, my entire blouse was pulled up, exposing my long spine, goosebumps all the way from my ribs down to my waistband.As for whether it looks good or not, I don't care at all.

Although my brother-in-law and I are similar, there are still some differences from the whole body.But trapped in a small iron door, only the upper body is exposed, these differences are not obvious.I argued inside the iron gate that I was not my brother-in-law; the other party relaxed a bit, asked someone to take a photo to check, and said after the check: Well, how dare you say that you are not you!Then he pulled me harder.As a result of this tugging, the clothes on my upper body collapsed.At the same time, I muttered in my heart: What do you mean by "you dare to say that you are not you?" The strange thing about this sentence is that it is extremely difficult to refute.I can argue: "I'm me, but I'm someone else", I can argue: "I'm not me, I'm someone else", and I can argue: "I'm not someone else, I'm someone else Me!" and "I'm not someone else, I'm not me!" are hard to argue with and seem unreliable, no matter how much you argue.

I was grabbed by the neck in front of the workshop. It was an extraordinary experience, short of breath, red in the face and full of erections.This kind of experience can be compared with sexual experience, but I still don't want to go in.The main reason: I don't feel like I'm worthy.I'm still young, lacking in achievements, and humility is my virtue. I've said all these things to the people inside, but they don't believe it.Besides, it occurred to me: If a place welcomes you so urgently, it's better not to go in.You may not believe it, but there is a corridor for people standing in the training hall, full of girls in uniforms, chirping and saying: Hit it with a baton—don’t hit me stupidly—just hit it, it’s not stupid, etc. .You can imagine, of course, that they were arguing over my head.After listening to such a conversation, my scalp exploded.The fat girl who grabbed my neck also said to me: Wang Er, why are you so ignorant?It's fine inside.When she spoke, the warm breath blew on my face, and there was a sour smell. I smelled that she had just eaten a piece of fruit candy.But I had trouble breathing and didn't answer her words.Regarding this fat girl, I would like to add that because of the close distance, I saw dandruff on her head.If there is no dandruff, maybe I just relax and let her drag it in.

Later, this fat girl appeared in my dreams many times, her head was as big as a bucket, and her dandruff was flying around, like breaking a pillow and shaking buckwheat husks.I had sex with her in the dream, and I remember not being happy about it.At that time, I was young and strong, and I often had wet dreams.I have grown so big, no woman has grabbed my neck yet.But now it's the norm.When my wife wants to show love to me, she just grabs me by the neck.At home, I wear a denim jacket with calfskin stitched on the back of the neck, which is very durable. My brother-in-law is called Wang Er, which of course was not given by my grandfather.Many people persuaded him to change his name, but he wanted to have fewer strokes, so he didn't change it.As for me, I will never covet fewer strokes and make the name so indecent.I think it is a double misfortune to be grabbed by the neck and given such a name.Later, it was my uncle who shouted: Let go, I am the master, so people let me go.It was this moment of dispute that had completely torn my coat.It hangs down like I've got some little flags on my back.My uncle, the bastard, took the bedroll from my back with a sneer, adjusted my clothes, patted my shoulder, and said, I'm sorry, nephew.Then he looked around and saw that there was a concrete gatepost on both sides of the gate. The pillar was square and there was a big cement lamp on it. ugly.Then bowed and got in.Not only did the people inside not grab him, but they made way for him—probably because they were tired of grabbing me.I walked home alone, with pieces of clothing hanging, muscles in my limbs and neck sore, but also relieved.When I got home, I told my mother: I sent that plague god away.My mother said: Good!You have done a great job!Needless to say, the God of Plague was referring to my uncle.Before entering the workshop, he was covered with plague.

After I sent my uncle to the workhouse, I had a strange thought in my mind: After all, he is a member of the workhouse from now on, so I don't need to miss him.At the same time, I thought of the fat girl who grabbed my neck.I'm jealous.Later I heard that she often sought arm wrestling with male porters, was married twice, and now has no spouse, and often wrote courtship letters to Japanese sumo wrestlers.Sumo wrestlers are very strong and earn a lot of money──She has no interest in my brother-in-law, I am supercilious. There is also a teacher in the training center. He is 1.4 meters tall, scrawny, pale-skinned, with a pointed nose and chin.She is not interested in her uncle either.This teacher is fifty-two years old and an old maid. She has long made up her mind to dedicate her life to the cause of special education in the motherland.In between, there were various female teachers, but none of them were interested in my uncle.My uncle is taciturn, eccentric, and very unpleasant.In my uncle's criminal file, there are photographs of his work.It should be said that these photos are smaller and more beautiful than the original paintings, but they are also dizzying.Everyone came to the conclusion based on these photos: my uncle was very annoying.It seems that no one likes my brother-in-law, I'm overthinking.

In the workshop, there were all kinds of new wave artists; there were poets, novelists, film artists, and, of course, painters.Every morning in the moral education class, the poems and essays of the students are recited aloud—if the poems and essays cannot be recited, slides are shown.Then ask the author himself to explain what the passage means.There is no doubt that these people are of course very hard-spoken: this is art, and it cannot be understood by outsiders.But there's a way to keep him from talking hard--say, by hitting him with two sticks on the head.After the mouth is not stubborn, the author will start to sweat profusely and become passive; then he will become more modest and admit that he is grandstanding to gain a false name.Then the film made by the students was shown.Movies are also messy and disgusting.Without the teacher asking, the student felt ashamed and offered to stick his head out.He said that he shot these things and sent them overseas for screening, in order to cheat foreigners out of their money.Unfortunately, this trick was of no use to my uncle.After letting go of the slides of his works, before anyone asked, he admitted frankly: I don’t understand what the paintings are about.It is precisely because I don't understand that I draw it for people to appreciate.How to keep him passive in the future will cause headaches for all the teachers.Everyone felt that he must have painted something in the painting, and wanted to force him to say it.He also agreed that the painting had some meaning, but said: I don't understand.I am too stupid.According to the leadership, the students are all fools who pretend to be smart.Because the uncle refused to pretend to be smart, the leader thought that he was not a fool at all, but very smart. I often went to see my brother-in-law in the training center, and the leader of the institute asked me to persuade him not to play dumb, and said that playing dumb with us would not do any good.My uncle and I were on the same side, so we said: My uncle didn't pretend to be stupid, he was born so stupid.But the leader said: "Don't play tricks with us. Playing tricks is not good for your uncle." Besides my uncle, my only relative is a distant cousin.He is older than my uncle. I was ten years old and he was over forty years old. He was wider than a poke card. There was a big hole in his crotch, and even his pubic hair and testicles were exposed. A bird-shaped face.He lives in Shahe Town, and in midsummer he often wears a pair of cotton shoes with blooming flowers on all sides, wields a slingshot made of a tourniquet, and invites passing children to join him in shooting hornets—the so-called hornets. , is a lotus-shaped hornet's nest, usually growing on trees.Cousin spoke with a sincere bass.He is very popular in the town, and he often goes in and out of the police station, neighborhood committee and other places. If you ask him to push the garbage truck and dump the dirt, he will never refuse.Once I invited him to visit my brother-in-law together. By the way, I asked the leader to see that there is such a person in our family.Unexpectedly, the leader laughed when he saw it, and pointed to my nose and said: You kid, you are so slippery!But my cousin said: Who is slippery?I hit him!The voice is buzzing.Cousin entered the workshop, full of energy, first went to push the garbage truck, dump the dirt, and then knocked out all the hornet mounds, making the hornets fly around, no one could get out, and he was stung like a big log bucket.Even though he beat the hornets, everyone in the workhouse liked him very much.Not long after returning, he was hit and killed by a passing coal truck. Everyone was very sad and hated Shanxi people because coal was produced there.When holding his funeral, the town invited my mother to attend as a family member of the deceased. She was slightly displeased, but did not refuse.If it was my uncle who died, it is not certain whether my mother will go or not.I also told my uncle about this.The uncle was taken aback for a while, unable to remember who he was; then he suddenly realized: Look at my memory!He also came to beat the hornets.The uncle also said that he would like to attend his cousin's memorial service very much.But it's too late.Cousin has been burned. After moral education class, my uncle went to professional class.As far as I can see from the window, there are some blue fluorescent tubes installed on the top of the classroom, and some long tables and chairs. It looks the same as the lecture theater in our school, except that there are more slogans on the wall. There is a difference, that is, there are iron grilles and iron screens on the windows here, and there is a sign with a lightning symbol on it, indicating that there is electricity.This is true, often you can see a gecko crawling on the window, suddenly emitting green smoke and turning into a piece of coke.Sometimes a butterfly lands on it, and after a "silk" sound, only a pair of wings are left to fly in the sky.My uncle was eager to answer every question, but only to tell the instructor he couldn't. Later, the institute put on a tights for him so that he could take notes, but he could not raise his hands and disturb the classroom order.Although he couldn't raise his hand, he was still talkative, so he put a plaster on his mouth and took it off after class.Sticking and exposing like this, he pulled out all his beards, like an eunuch.I saw this strange appearance of him outside the window: the left hand is tied under the right armpit, the right hand is tied under the left armpit, and the whole upper body is like a canvas bag; only the two eyes are so big that they almost bulge out of their sockets.Every time I hear the teacher's question, I hum excitedly from my nose.When he hummed badly, the teacher walked over and hit him on the head with a baton.After knocking, he lay down and dozed off.Sometimes he remembered his old habit of squatting in the police station, so he inflated himself, but the tights were made of canvas, so it was difficult to swell, so he hooped him into a spindle shape——At this time, his face was like a pig's liver.Then the gas made him very uncomfortable, so he had to let it out again—there was a round hole in the adhesive plaster attached to his mouth, which was specially used for letting it out—then the person sitting in front would turn around, Knock on the top of his head and say: You really stink. The school cares about the students in every possible way. Each student is equipped with a pair of deep myopia glasses in advance for them to wear in advance; a suit of brown wool polyester is made for each student as a school uniform, and a large Purses, they are not allowed to carry them in their hands, but to hold them in their arms, so that they look more sincere.Homework is very tight in school, eight classes a day, and there are self-study in the evening.In order to prevent students from being mischievous, the desks in the study room are equipped with pillory, which can force students to bend down and face the table.After a period of study, all the students showed the appearance of being well-educated-that is to say, all of them bowed their waists and necks, wore brown suits, carried big leather bags in their arms, glasses like the bottom of a bottle, and the top of their heads was so bright that even flies slipped on them. It's a pity that it's a name but no real thing. Not only is it ignorant, but it also makes jokes around the corners of its mouth.My uncle was the one who leaked the most, it was a rush.Even if the food in the training center is not good, if you are greedy for steamed buns and meat, it will not reach this level.Everyone thought that he was drooling on purpose, and he was trying to discredit the food in the institute.In order to stop him from drooling, he was not given water, and he was given dried chili.But my uncle was still drooling, but the saliva was burnt yellow, like urine from someone who got angry. For unlicensed painters like my uncle, it was a natural idea for them to learn to be engineers.It is conceivable that they will have some talents in drawing; it is a pity that many people are sent, but few learn.Every unlicensed painter thinks he is a painting genius like Picasso. It is a great insult to imagine that he can do other things besides painting, even distributing toilet paper in paid toilets, let alone being an engineer. .For this reason, when they were tied to the drawing table, none of them would draw mechanical drawings.Some people draw kittens and puppies, some people draw chickens and ducklings, and there is a person who is drawing something that he doesn't even know. This person is Xiaojiu.These drawings were later used as patterns for banknotes; because of the non-reproducible nature of these patterns.The banknotes of our country used to be painted by licensed painters, and these paintings could be imitated by any peasant who had painted New Year pictures for a few days.And the drawings of the students in the training center are all extremely grotesque, and there are clusters of halos mixed in, no one can imitate; unless they are also chained to the drawing table with their hands and heads like them. As for the dizziness, it is the halazi shed by them, which is related to the state of the lips and parotid glands, and it is more difficult to imitate.My uncle's drawing has few lines and many stains, similar to a child's diaper. It was used as a lotus leaf painting by Qi Baishi on the five hundred yuan banknote.By the way, when my uncle made this painting, his head and hands were stretched forward, and his waist and lower body were left behind, just like the old wolf in the cartoon.When the drawing class teacher walked by from behind, he tapped him on the head with a baton and said, "King criminal (that's the name that's popular in that place)!"Don't be like a water pipe!The teacher thought he was drooling too much.My uncle was always thirsty because of the excessive drooling, so he kept drinking water.Later, he became like Pavlov's dog, who couldn't help drooling when the bell rang for class. I heard that in the workshop, the students in the mechanical class (that is, the unlicensed painters) are the most dishonest.As we all know, everyone can write. When written in lines, it becomes poetry, when written in films, it becomes novels, and in the form of dialogues, it becomes drama.So poets, novelists, and playwrights readily admit that they are nothing.Painters are different, you don't know how to get some colors for laymen.What's more, they have their own idols: a group of French Impressionist painters at the end of the last century and the beginning of the last century.You said he was a bum, and he said: This is what people said about Van Gogh in the past!my country and France still have diplomatic relations, so it is inconvenient to criticize Van Gogh.There is another way to deal with these people in the institute: make a slide show of their works in the drawing class, show them in the moral education class, and say at the same time: "Prisoner, what did you draw?"The prisoner replied: Report to discipline!This is cat.So put a picture of a cat.The next sentence can make the prisoner feel ashamed: everyone, look at what a cat looks like!After such an education, that person will lose all arrogance and draw mechanical diagrams properly.But this method didn't work for my uncle.Put it on my uncle's ink lotus leaf, and my uncle stood up and said: Report to discipline!I don't even know what I'm drawing!The teacher had no choice but to ask: What is this bells and whistles?The uncle replied: This is a dry halazi.The teacher asked again: Is Harazi like this?My uncle said: Please teach me!What should Harazi be like?The teacher couldn't find a photo of the fucked Harazi, so he had no other choice but to stick his mouth back on with adhesive plaster. One month after my uncle entered the training center, the IQ was tested for them.During the test, they were tied to a special tester, which was also an electric torture machine.What is measured can be said to be IQ, and it can also be said to be the subject's ability to endure torture.Those things are two large iron boxes, one up and one down, supported by a steel frame in the middle, and a light stretcher bed in the middle, which can be moved on slide rails.There are some belts on the bed frame. When the subject goes up, he must first pull out the bed and tie his limbs with belts in the shape of a "ten"; The steamed bun, the steam box is a bit like this machine - if you don't tie him up, your IQ will be inaccurate.In order to measure the students' IQs accurately, a meeting was held in the institute to discuss their IQs to be realistic.The teachers believed that this group of students was really unruly and unruly, and if their IQs were raised too high, it would be detrimental to their ideological remolding.But my uncle is a special case. He is always pretending to be stupid. If his IQ is too low, it will not be conducive to his ideological remolding. My uncle later said that he went around the IQ tester several times, looking for its nameplate and which factory it was produced in, but he couldn't find it; he only saw rough sheet metal work, which can prove that this thing is a domestic product .His conclusion was: there used to be a nameplate, but it was removed later because there was still a stamp on the nameplate; the reason for removing it was probably that the factory would be blown up after the practitioners left.There is a pair of electrodes on the machine, which must be attached to the body of the person being tested.If the position of Ande is low, the pubic hair will be burned off; if the position is high, the hair on the top of the head will be burned off.All in all, if you want to burn off some hairs, if you encounter pig heads and pork knuckles in the cafeteria that have not been cleaned of hairs, they will also send them to test their IQs.All in all, this machine always smells like singed pig hair when it works.If there is another smell, it is to forget the slogan: "Use the toilet before the test", and there is an arrow behind the slogan, pointing in the direction of the toilet.The door of the toilet is the same as a bank vault, with a time lock installed, and you will be locked for half an hour after entering.There is also a speaker installed in it, playing creative songs-this kind of music has the effect of making shit and urinating. During the test, the students all asked like this: We also need to meet women, please leave me with the hair on my bottom.Sometimes the instructor who operates the instrument says: I want to leave the hair on it.This is because the teachers in the training center are all innocent girls. Some of them have feelings for the students, so they keep their hair to make him look better; burn their pubic hair so that they won't mess with women.In addition, she also discussed with him through the instrument: You just answer a few questions correctly, don't be stupid!Frankly speaking, this factor may not necessarily reduce the IQ of the student, because he is likely to be a thin donkey with hard shit and pretend to be a man.I'd rather get a call than answer a question wrong.When the test is completed, the students often collapse into a ball, so there are often moving scenes of the teacher crying and carrying the students out. The scene of testing IQ is very exciting.An incandescent lamp hung from the roof, with a small bulb but a large shade that looked like a tweeter.This lamp brightens the bottom half of the room without seeing the ceiling.The instructor brought the students here, pulled out the drawer with a clatter, and said, "Take off your clothes and lie down." Then he turned around and put on a white coat and rubber gloves.It was very cold in that room, and I got goose bumps when I took off my clothes.Some people joked with the teacher at this time, but my uncle was a silent person, he didn't say a word.There are belts in the drawer, and the teacher starts to tie the students tightly, like Christ on the cross-hands outstretched, legs together, left foot under the right foot.The poor-mouthed practitioner said, "Why are you tied so tightly? It's not a pig."The teacher said: If it is a pig, we will have more peace of mind.After most of the practitioners were tied up, they were straight up.The teacher said: "Isn't it honest at this time?"But the student replied: No dishonesty!It's usually this big.The teacher said: Stop bragging, just push him in with a bang.My uncle was also pouted when he was lying in the drawer, but when people asked him something, he didn't say a word.The teacher patted him on the stomach and said: Hello!Wang offender!talking to you too!Are you usually this old?But he closed his eyes and said: Usually smaller than this.hurry up.So it was pushed in with a bang.They said that the wheels under the drawer worked very well. When people were pushed in, they felt like a free-falling body with no weight at all; Numb.I have a very bad impression of this scene - I really don't like being tied into it.Of course, if I were a teacher, wearing a white coat and packing some beautiful girls into a drawer, it would be very different. They said that on the top wall of that drawer, there was a color TV screen, and that was where the problem was displayed.If the teacher and the student have a friendship, before starting the test, they will entertain him to watch a relaxing video, and then start to shock him to death, just like a kind dentist who gives a patient a piece of candy before pulling out a tooth.But when it was my uncle's turn, there was no video to watch.If the teacher didn't answer the questions, he was shocked to scream.Before each student is pushed in, it is a piece of cold flesh, with only breath between the mouth and nose, and something sticking out between the crotch like a flagpole; but when it is pulled out, it will be steaming, as if it is already ripe .But there is no good smell in this hot air, as if a piece of rotten meat was steamed.If there is hair on his head, it will curl up like a tension spring, and as for the upright thing, of course it has fallen down.But my uncle was different. When he came out, his prongs were two or three times longer than when he went in. It was hard to see.Some people hummed like a bull bee or dung beetle flying around the house, while others said nothing.But when my uncle came out, he yelled like a madman, "Okay!Great!Very provocative!As mentioned earlier, at this time, the teacher has to carry the students away, and the method of reciting is very special.They let go of the student, put his feet on his shoulders, yelled, and walked away with his head down—it is said that this is the way of carrying a dead pig in a slaughterhouse.But no one is willing to carry my uncle.They said: Wang criminal, don't pretend to be dead, get up and go!Everyone else is a dead pig, but my uncle is not.My uncle really leaned on the wall, stood up unsteadily, and walked away. Now it's time to talk about what their IQ is.Most of the students' IQs are between 110-100, and one individual got the highest score, 115.He also said that he wanted to get a 120 reproach.But he is afraid that after getting this 120, he will become very stupid, because electricity can make people stupid.As for my uncle, his IQ was zero -- he didn't get a single question right.This made the leaders very angry: even a wooden stick, the IQ cannot be zero.So they adjusted the voltage again and asked my uncle to go in for a supplementary test.The result of the retest did not exceed 50 points.Of course, it can be improved a bit, but my uncle may be electrocuted to death.There is one thing that you know without telling me that if others answered correctly, they would receive an electric shock, but if my uncle answered incorrectly, he would receive an electric shock.Experienced teachers said that they are not afraid of students being mischievous, but they are afraid of students playing dead dogs like my uncle. After the IQ test, my uncle was lying on the bed with a sallow face, as if he had hepatitis A.At this time, I asked him how he felt, and he was stunned for a while, then with a ghostly smile on his face, he said: Very good.He also said that he squirted his semen in that box, and ejaculated all over the place, like dropping several plates of aspic, and like a used condom; so that the next person pushed in screamed inside: I'll fuck your mother, Wang Er!Accumulate some virtue, okay?Probably because my uncle made the box unhygienic.It is said that people with public morals must masturbate several times before using the tester, in addition to urinating and urinating. In their words, it is called rubbing clean before entering, because people will lose control inside. But my uncle refused to do this. He said that being beaten by electric shocks is very sensational, but it is not sensational after being cleaned up.I think Uncle is right: he's an artist, and real artists are those who don't care.But I can't figure out what is sensational: are the questions displayed on the tester (he also remembered a question: "What is eight plus seven?") are sensational, or the current is sensational, or is it sprayed in the box? Some aspics are sensational.But my uncle refused to answer and just closed his eyes.On the second day after the IQ test, my uncle was lying on the bed and did not move during the morning exercise; he would not answer when others called him.When he came back from lunch at noon, he still lay there without moving.The people in the same dormitory went to report to the teacher, and the teacher said: Don't pay attention to him, and don't give him food, let's see how long he can survive.So everyone went to class.When I came back at night, the dormitory was full of flies.Only then did I realize that my uncle was not only dead, but also a little green.Open the quilt, the smell is really bad. So they called a car and took the uncle to the morgue of the hospital.Then we discussed how my uncle died, whether the family members should be notified, how to notify them, and so on.After careful research, it was concluded that my uncle had a heart attack.He was hospitalized before his death, and spent three days and three nights in emergency treatment, costing tens of thousands of yuan in medical expenses.But we can rest assured that the trainees have public medical care, which can be reimbursed—this is the superiority of socialism.At the same time, the practice institute sent a special person to the hospital to inform the hospital of the situation so that we could investigate.When all the lies were made up and we were ready to notify us, the Lijiakou Police Station called and said that my uncle had been caught selling paintings without a license in the Dadi Cafe, and they had asked the Art Institute to pick them up.At this moment, everyone in the training center was confused.None of them dared to lead anyone, because there could be three situations: First, Li's family had caught someone who looked like an uncle.In this situation, it seems that the police don't even know about my uncle's death, and the police seem stupid; second, the Lijiakou police station is joking, and it seems stupid to go to the police under such circumstances.Third, the Lijiakou Police Station caught my uncle's ghost.Retiring under such circumstances encourages feudal superstition.Later, I don’t know which genius thought of visiting the dead uncle in the mortuary of the hospital, only to find out that he was made of pork, soybeans and flour.This time, the living uncle has made a big mistake. My uncle is a great painter. This great painter has a problem, that is, he likes to draw tickets.Since he was very young, he would draw movie tickets and bath tickets. Even if he didn't draw money, he knew that drawing money was illegal; he only occasionally drew a few rare stamps.After the license was revoked, he painted a fake license again.But now there are computer numbers on the certificates, and it doesn't work to draw them.He can also make all kinds of fake things, and his best skill is when he is a guest at a friend's house, he uses laundry soap to make a bubble of lifelike manure and puts it on the sofa to scare the hostess into a faint.This guy wanted to sneak out of the training hall, but he wanted to give him an explanation. He asked me to find him dozens of catties of pigs, carry them in sacks, and smuggle them into the training hall.But I didn't know he was doing the dead.If you know?If so, he must be advised to use soap to do it.Putting a half-fanned plague pig in a dorm room is so annoying. Carefully analyzing the gains and losses of the first half of my uncle's life, I found that he made many mistakes.First of all, he shouldn't draw pictures that people can't understand.But as he said later, one cannot be a painter without painting these paintings.Second, he should have called those pictures Seahorses, Squirrels, and Snails.但如小舅所说，假如画得是海马、松鼠和田螺，就不叫真正的画家。再其次，他不该在习艺所里装傻。但正如小舅所说，不装傻就太过肉麻，难以忍受了。然后是不该逃走、不该在床上放块死猪肉。但小舅也有的说，不跑等着挨电？不做假死尸，等着人家来找我？所以这些失策也都是有情可原。最后有一条，千不该、万不该，不该一跑出来就作画、卖画。再过几天，习艺所通知我们小舅死了，那就天下太平。那时候李家口派出所通知他们逮住了小舅，他们只能说：此人已死，你们逮错了。我以为小舅还要给自己找些借口，说什么自己技痒难熬，等等。谁知他却发起愣来，愣了好久，才给自己额上重重一掌道：真的！我真笨！