Chapter 7 Red Buddha Running at Night---About Interesting 【Chapter 4】

Chapter Four In this chapter, an ancient country, Fuso, is mentioned for the first time. Some people say it is ancient Japan.The author is also willing to believe it, but I am afraid that the Japanese will not admit that a Chinese has been their king.Just as we do not recognize Genghis Khan as a Mongolian, rather than saying that he is Chinese. one People said that Qiuran Gong and Hong Fu also had an improper relationship, because Qiu Ran Gong gave Hong Fu a pair of hemp shoes that he made himself.Of course, these are not ordinary hemp shoes, and you can't even tell that they are made of hemp when you hold them in your hand.Hongfu didn't want to accept this gift at first, because the shoes contained too much saliva, and it was a little disgusting to think about it.But she accepted it later, because this thing is strange, as long as it is worn on the feet, it will feel cold and numb, as if stepping on a cobra with bare feet, and immediately want to run wildly, and after running for dozens of miles, it is still in shock .I don't feel tired at all.In addition, Qiuran Gong also gave her a pair of light swords, and told her in a vague voice that these were treasures he had treasured for many years, and he gave them to Hong Fu as a souvenir—Qiurian Gong’s voice was unclear, was it Because he was always chewing on his shoes, and unknowingly chewed off part of his tongue—for these reasons, Hongfu felt that he was very kind to her, and even missed him when she was hung in the air at the end.If she knew that when she was in the Yang Mansion, Qiubeang Gong always gave her small reports, she wouldn't think so.Every day, Mr. Qiu and Beard would submit a routine report to Yang Su, telling what Hong Fu had done today.Every time she went outside, he reported it. This kind of report once or twice is not harmful to Hongfu, and it will have an effect if it accumulates to a certain amount—say, a hundred times—and the leaders will send someone to report it to her. Hong Fu was wrapped in a big quilt, beaten to death with sticks, and buried in the back garden.In the Tang Dynasty, people dug up Yang Su's garden and found that it was like a mass grave like the Khmer Rouge.In the Song Dynasty, someone went to Chang'an to excavate, and found that there were mass graves everywhere.So we should not inquire about things like this. If we know too much, we will feel that life is meaningless.In addition, the pair of swords he gave Hongfu were not treasures, but made of iron sheets, without any steel fire, and could only be used to chop flies.

This pair of swords came in this way: he sent a report to the leaders saying that he needed a pair of swords so that he could give them to Hongfu as an emotional investment; the leaders sent a pair of swords.Under such circumstances, the bosses would naturally not give a magical weapon for cutting gold and jade, but a pair of iron plates that would take a lot of effort to cut tofu.This saves money and is safer.In short, Qiubeard lived downstairs to monitor her, but he never told her about it.This is a task assigned by the leaders and cannot be told to others. According to historical records, the bearded man loves Hongbo very much, but Hongfu doesn't love him.After falling out of love, he went abroad and became the king of Fusang.This incident shows that if you want to go abroad, you have to hurry up. If you are early, you can become a king or make a fortune, but if you are late, you can only become a doctor of mathematics or physics.If you go now, you can only work in restaurants.However, being the king of Fusang is not a good thing for the bearded man, because he doesn't like fish the least, and Fusang's royal chef cooks sashimi for him every day.If he had a bad appetite for raw fish, the imperial cooks would impulsively rush to the main hall to commit seppuku, so bloody scenes were always unavoidable, either bloody in front of his eyes or bloody in his mouth.By this time he was old and had a catfish mouth, which matched his slack cheeks quite well.As we said, he is a fat black man with thick pores on his face, and he sweats easily.When he lived in Yang Su's house, apart from making small reports, he was very kind to Hong Fu, and liked to chat with her, and told her about Li Jing--Grand Qiubeard was quite well informed, and he knew the whole story of Li Jing's troubles , Knowing that he is a math genius, and even knowing that Li Jing has a friend in Jiufang Street, this shows that the bosses trust Mr. Qiuren very much, and Mr. Qiuren has a bright future.Originally, Hongfu should have been implicated if he escaped, but the leaders trusted him so much, so it was different.After Hongfu escaped, the Yang family just announced that her music registration would be cancelled, and she would never accept her when she came back, as if now Hongfu had regretted it and knelt in front of the Yang family's gate.After Li Jing ran away, the yamen sent 256 servants to arrest him and offered a reward for his capture.In the end, I always couldn't get it, because Luoyang City is so big.

If Yang Su hired me as a consultant, he would definitely be able to find Li Jing soon.The way to do this is to issue a proclamation, post it everywhere, declaring that he is pardoned for all crimes, and, if possible, appoint him as a minor official, and publish a book on mathematics for him at official expense.He'll come out in no time, gleefully.After he comes out, you can do whatever you want with him.Of course, I would also suggest not to use Li Jing to make buns or bricks, but I don’t know whether people will listen to what I said.This approach is derived from my own personal experience.I graduated from this university more than 20 years ago. At that time, I had a ruddy complexion, a loud voice, and I could run 100 meters in 12.6 seconds; now my hair is a little gray.My eyesight is a bit blurry, whether I can run 100 meters in 20 seconds is a big problem.When I took off my clothes and looked in the mirror, I found that I was a bit hunchbacked, still had a funnel chest, and my muscles and bones looked like crab legs.I have been serving this school for more than 20 years. In the first ten years, I lived in a single dormitory, with four people living in a room.Sleep in bunks.The person who slept on the upper bunk of mine was a big fat man. He often farted loudly very unconsciously, and the sound penetrated the mattress and the planks to the lower bunk.Later, I lived in Tongzilou for another ten years, and some people there were very unconscious.When I go to the public toilet, I don’t flush my shit.Now when I go to the bathroom, I'm faced with bras and garter belts, which have nothing to do with me.Anyway, I never thought of transferring to another place, although there have been opportunities in the past twenty years.If this example is not typical, then I have also been to some poor places, where the men are so poor that they can't even hang their testicles, and the women are like a group of monsters, and people don't think of leaving their homes.In fact, the more ugly a life is, the more people will be attached to it, because this is the arrangement of the bosses, and their own suffering is to share the worries and problems of the bosses.According to this principle, I think that when Li Weigong was young, he loved the muddy and foggy Luoyang city infinitely, and he would not run away as long as he had a chance.Although he often ate the last meal in it without the next meal.There is nothing esoteric about this matter.What is a little more esoteric is that Li Jing was born in Luoyang City. No matter how bad the city is, it existed before Li Jing was born.The situation in Chang'an later was just the opposite.Li Jing never thought of escaping from Luoyang City.He was just forced to be helpless.

two I was born in Beijing City, so I have a bit of Beijing City, although now Beijing City is very different from when I was born.Later I was admitted to a certain university, so I have some points for a certain university.Of course, this university is very different from when I first entered the entrance examination. At that time, there were some places on the campus that looked like lawns or gardens, but now they don't look like them at all.Houses are being built everywhere now, so it's like a stockyard everywhere.This is also impossible, because there are too many people and they need houses to live in.According to my observations, people in Beijing and a certain university are crowded, so I don't look like a single person, but a large group of people.For example, I was proving Fermat's theorem, but I kept thinking that if I proved it, I would surprise my colleagues.In fact, Fermat's theorem is Fermat's theorem, so what does it have to do with colleagues?Why should I scare them?For another example, when I published a paper in a journal, I kept wondering if Xiao Sun had seen it.In fact, Xiaosun works in the literature and history department of the library, so what is he doing reading the Journal of Mathematics?My head always seems to have a lot of people rambling in all directions.When Li Weigong and Hongfu went to the ruined earth temple in Luoyang City to make a living by stealing other people's vegetables, the same was in his mind.In addition, he always complained about himself, saying: Why should I drink those yellow soup?You can't die if you don't drink.Why should I run on other people's roofs?If someone hits me twice, hit me twice—it's all nonsense nonsense.All in all, he was troubled and depressed.

But Duke Wei is Duke Wei after all, in such a state of mind, when he did immoral things, he did not lose his sense of propriety.Stealing other people's potatoes and taro, and knowing how to plant the seedlings back into the pit.When people came to plan potatoes, they saw that there were no potatoes on the bottom, so they thought it was not growing well.If you are stealing a pumpkin, use a knife to scoop out the flesh, put the flesh back in, and put the skin back together.When people harvested pumpkins, they saw that the pumpkins were big and hollow, so they put it on the account of the seed merchant, and they would never buy his seeds next time.If he steals cucumbers and eggplants, he always steals the big ones, puts the middle ones in the original place, and puts the small ones in the place of the middle ones.When the owner of the garden saw it, he thought he had seen a ghost: the melons and fruits all over the garden grew smaller and smaller, and eventually they all disappeared.If he steals a cabbage from another, he must pull up the rest and plant it in the adjacent garden, and let the two garden owners fight each other.This shows that there are geniuses who are wicked, and Wei Gong is such a genius.There is always no one in this vegetable garden. Occasionally someone comes to clean it up, and they don't stay for long.In addition to everyone's other things, there is another reason, because there is a smell here, which is very heavy.When Hong Fu asked Li Jing what it was like, Wei Gong said it was vegetable garden, and later said it was vegetable.In fact, it smelled like dung, but it was fermented dung with maggots. It smelled very special—although the smell was not strong enough, it was very sluggish and disgusting.People use this substance to pour vegetables.But he didn't want to tell Hong Fu like this, for fear that she would never eat these vegetables again if she knew this.

Behind the abandoned temple in Luoyang City, there is a shallow well. The well water is not very clean, and there are countless frogs in it. When you approach it, those frogs jump into the water one after another, and the well becomes a mess ring.Li Weigong soaked his urine in a cotton ball, tied it to a string and put it in the well to catch frogs, and then boiled water from the well to drink.Later he put this water in a big bowl and asked Hong Fu to drink it.At the beginning, Hongfu wanted to remind him: there is his urine in this water.But then he realized that he had plucked his hair out and there was no way to recover from this matter, so he took the water, stared at it viciously for a long time, and then took a big gulp.Unexpectedly, I found that this kind of water does not have a very strong smell - this incident reminded me of the time I washed the well in the countryside. The bottom of the well where we drink water is actually very smelly, and no one wants to wash the well , because it can make you lose confidence in life—besides, Hongfu has also made up his mind not to regret eloping with Li Jing, so he must think of the best at all times.

For example, although I have to drink this kind of unclean water now, at least I don't have to drag my three-foot-long hair around, which is much easier.Thirty-foot-long hair looks good, but it needs to absorb nutrients from the scalp, so it will make people dizzy and suffer from tinnitus.People also say that after a person who has grown long hair all her life dies, you break her head open and you can’t find her brain at once—the brain has shrunk to the size of a peanut, and it is attached somewhere on the back of the skull. The place is empty.This kind of situation can be heard by knocking on her head when the person was alive, so Hong Fu often knocks on her own head in Yang's mansion, but because of her long hair and tinnitus, she can't tell if she is free.But to be fair, hair has plenty of benefits too.Because it is a living thing, it is warm in winter and cool in summer, which is better than any bedding. When growing long hair, Hongfu does not need pajamas, eiderdown quilt or summer mat, as long as it is wrapped in hair, it can fall asleep , but there are those things.Now that I have no hair, I urgently need pajamas, quilts, and mats, but there are none, only a pile of thatch on the muddy ground.

We haven't talked about Li Jing and Hong Fu's lovemaking.Li Weigong thought that since Hongfu eloped with him, it was natural.But when he proposed to Hongfu for the first time, she stared at him for a long time, and then she said with the resolute expression when she drank water: "Okay, then took off all the clothes and said," I don't care about this matter at all. I don't understand.When she was done, she sat up and said: This is no fun at all.If the bearded man knew that she had acted hastily, he would be furious. Regarding this matter, Hong Fu later said this: I ran out from Yang's mansion to find Mr. Wei. I originally wanted to find something interesting to do, but as soon as I met him, he stabbed me with that meat stick—— - What is the meaning of this matter!This passage shows that Hongfu's attitude towards sex life has never been positive, and the reason for her elopement is only to pursue fun.Before that, she already knew that Wei Gong was a strange person, who proved Fermat's theorem and killed half of the people in the city, so she decided that Wei Gong must be a very interesting person, and came to him.This incident reminded me of what happened fifteen years ago, in 1977, when I was a worker in a small factory.Chen Jingrun, a senior in mathematics, made progress in the proof of Goldbach's conjecture, and Chen was a bachelor at the time.When my female colleagues heard the news, they wrote letters to pursue him.Their reason is that Chen Jingrun proved a mathematical theorem, how interesting he is.In fact, pure mathematics, especially number theory, is the most boring thing in the world.One would never touch that kind of thing if one wasn't extremely pessimistic--like I am, say.This example is to illustrate that to judge whether a person is interesting, he must not use his mathematical attainments as a criterion.In fact, Wei Gong, me, and Senior Chen are not the most boring people, but this is purely accidental.I know that many mathematicians are extremely boring, but I am a mathematician myself, and I can't name them out of my mouth.

We know that Qiubeanggong is very trusted by the leaders in Yang Su's mansion, this is only part of the situation.In fact, he is also a small boss himself, and has a sense of responsibility.For this reason, he has to sit on the ground all day long, unable to do anything but chew the grass saddle; it is the same as today's boss who has to sit there and cannot read anything but official documents.This thing is called going to work.When he doesn't go to work in the morning and evening, he does some things that lead by example: cleaning, trimming the garden, etc. When sweeping the floor, he goes all the way to Hongfu's room.The motive for this incident is self-evident: he is an old bachelor; and Hong Fu always wears little or nothing in his room.But as soon as he walked into Hongfu's room, there was a powerful force that turned his face to the direction of the door. No matter how he turned, the direction of his face would never change, as if his nose pointed to the north needle and the door was north. Same.Don't think that a great swordsman like him can easily break his neck, and don't think that anyone's neck can be twisted for a long time.In fact, as soon as he left Hongfu's room, his head would turn around several times until it returned to its original position.There is one more thing to add, it's not that he wants to twist his neck, but that his neck has passed by himself.Regarding this matter, Hong Fu commented in this way: If Mr. Qiubeard is not prudish, then he is a machine that makes manure.Later, this temper made him suffer in Fusang, because when his concubine came to spend the night in his bedroom, she always put on all the good clothes for the sake of solemnity.From dusk to midnight, he peeled off the kimono layer by layer like an onion. Because of the solemnity, he couldn't peel it off in the middle of the night.From midnight to dawn, he put on the ones he took off and put them on again, as if he was packing porcelain for export to Europe, but the Fusang woman refused to help at all because of her reserve.People like him who have a lot of concubines still use masturbation as an emergency, which is really unbelievable.If I were him, I would put a pair of large scissors by the bed.Of course, people like me can only be the leader of the trade union group, not the king of Fusang.If it didn't go so far, it should be said that he didn't see what Hongfu looked like without clothes.If I wrote: At that time, Hongfu's nipples were bright red, like two vascular nevus, or like two small fresh strawberries just picked, which looked delicious; Hongfu's pubic hair was black and shiny, as if she had been combed. The bearded man would close his eyes to my book and yell: Obscenity!

Qiubeard later said that he loved Hongfu, but not with his eyes, but with his nose.He likes the smell of Hongfu.But I don't know whether he really likes the red brush or the perfume.He also said that he loves Hongfu's voice, that is to say, it is also noble to love with ears, but it is a fake voice.I can also make this sound by pinching my neck with my hands. I wonder if he will fall in love with me.After sweeping the floor every time, he picked up Hongfu's fallen hair, washed it, and put it away, just like an old money fan who picks steel.When Hongfu cut off his own hair and escaped from the Yang Mansion, those hairs piled up on the ground gradually lost their luster. He felt it was a pity when he saw it, so he wrapped them all around his body to let it be nourished by the human body, but wrapped himself up. It's like a mess of threads.He also picked up two pairs of old socks that Hongfu had thrown away, washed them and put them in his arms.I think he's an out-and-out pervert.In addition, he chewed his shoes in front of Hongfu on purpose. He thought it looked hardworking and simple, which would give Hongfu a good impression, but Hongfu felt that he was greedy and thought he could put the whole pig's head on into the mouth.According to my experience, as long as you eat pork head once in front of your girlfriend, the relationship will definitely fail.Similar foods include chicken buttocks, pig intestines, stinky fried hairtail, whole squashed cucumbers and so on.Unfortunately, I love all of these foods as hell.That's why I'm always playing bachelor.But these things go too far.After Hongfu escaped, Qiubeard finally walked into her room without twisting his neck.At that time, it seemed as if a bomb had exploded in the house, because Hongfu tidied it up before leaving.But instead of packing the house, it's packing the bags.Seeing this scene, Qiuran Gong was very sad, not only because he was sad that he would never see Hong Fu again, but also because Hong Fu escaped from the Yang Mansion.In his opinion, Yang Mansion is very good.If you're not mentally ill, you shouldn't be leaving here.

three After Li Weigong disappeared, all the errands in the city were looking for Li Jing, especially the 256 errands who were about to be beheaded—the rest were also in a hurry, because at this speed it would be their turn soon— — Someone thought of Li Erniang's clue, so they broke into Li Erniang's house and asked her where Li Jing was.Li Erniang said she didn't know, and those officials tried to extract a confession, and found four chopsticks from local materials, put them between the fingers of her left hand, and squeezed them hard.Li Erniang's hand immediately became like a chicken that had been stepped on the ground, and of course she passed out under such circumstances.When he woke up, he saw that his right hand was also held hostage by those people, and he said, "Can I wipe my tears with a handkerchief?"After wiping away her tears, she asked to urinate again.After this matter was done, she came back and sat on the chair, stretched her fingers between the chopsticks, took a deep breath, and was ready to scream, so she said: pinch it.Seeing her like this, the servants thought she didn't know where Li Jing was, so they stopped asking her, and all left, even closing the door behind her.In fact, Li Erniang knew exactly where Li Jing was, but at first she felt that Li Jing was her old friend, and it would be meaningless to tell the truth without being tortured.After being tortured, she felt very painful again, so she hated these tolerances, let alone speak out.That is to say, although she was willing to betray Li Jing, she couldn't betray him.The correct way is to hit her first, then apologize, and then hit her again.It's like first labeling a person as a rightist, and then rehabilitating him; then labeling him as something else, and then rehabilitating him; Li Erniang knew that Li Jing must be hiding in the vegetable field, because they used to go to the vegetable field to play.That place used to be a swamp, but even though the accumulated water was drained, there were still a lot of mosquitoes. Although not every mosquito bit people, it was very annoying to jump on the face.When the two of them wandered along the path between the vegetable gardens, Li Jing would often jump over the fence to pick a yellow pumpkin flower and present it to her solemnly.The flowers are like torn paper, ugly, have a lot of nasty pollen, and are stolen.But if the beans don't bloom.There couldn't be a better flower in the vegetable garden, so Li Erniang put it on her head, and there it just turned into a mess, like a piece of shit.She could also know exactly where Li Jing was hiding in that ruined temple, because sometimes Li Jing took her to spend the night in that ruined temple.This kind of thinking is the same as going out for a picnic instead of eating at home.She hated the pumpkin flowers that looked like rotten paper, and the thorny thatch in the ruined temple, just like she hated Li Jing. Li Erniang is a twenty-six-year-old widow. At this age, people should hate everything as a matter of course.Li Erniang just doesn't hate the boss, because everyone should respect the boss.But the people from above broke into her house and crushed her hand, so she even hated her above.After the errands were gone, she went to the back workshop and stuck her hand in the wine lees to relieve the pain.For those who haven't seen distiller's grains, I will explain that this stuff looks like cow dung, because it is fermenting, it smells bad, but it is always hot, which can act as a hot compress to relieve pain , but at the same time, the smell of distiller's grains also stained her body, hiding in her clothes and hair.Now when we talk about a winemaking widow, we always think of her smelling like wine.In fact, they are all full of bad smell, as if they came out of a soy sauce vat. When Li Erniang walked on the street, she left behind a long corridor of smells, and people who walked behind her would always blurt out when they smelled it: "It's from Jiufang Street!"Li Erniang went mad with anger when she heard this, and shouted: I'm from Jiufang Street, what are you doing?The vegetable field next to the ruined earth temple in Luoyang City is as big as half the size of Luoyang City.No one would have thought of such a place, unless it was a few days when there was no food at home or when it was time to tidy up the garden.There are many ditches, and there are willows growing beside the canals, more than half of them are dead, the bark bursts, and piles of sawdust-like insect excrement fall out. silhouette.In addition, there is thatch growing all over the water's edge, that kind of grass is three-edged and extremely hard, and it is best to cut it off to cover the roof of the house.When Li Jing saw this kind of grass, he thought that he should cut a few loads to repair his house—but it was too late, and his house no longer existed.For this reason, Li Jing took a few loads of clay and smoothed the ruined temple.This incident shows that it is in people's nature to spruce up their homes.In the house I live in, the kitchen is black and greasy, and there are many shoes in the hall, and there is a foul smell.It made me feel depressed.So I tried my best to clean it up once, and scraped off more than half a catty of sludge from the stove.It's a pity to throw away this kind of thing, because it contains a lot of cooking oil, but it's useless to keep it.Then I opened my own door (the only way to light the hall, since it had no windows of its own, and the bulb was out), cleaned the hall, first the floor, and then the shoes.I tried to fit them neatly into pairs, but had great difficulty because there were obviously more shoes on the left than on the right.This situation is only possible when Xiao Sun has two left feet, but this is inconsistent with my usual observations.Just then, the door opened.Xiao Sun came out sleepily, found a chair and sat down and said: What are you tossing about, it's so annoying!I also wanted to tell her that she looked ugly like that, but I didn't say it.Because I know that saying this offends people.Later, when she found out that I was picking out her shoes, she showed a little shame, but she still said: I don’t know how many days this house can last, what are you messing about?I get a headache when I hear this.But in the end, she was motivated by me and took out the toilet brush in the toilet. When it was not brushed, it had the color of an old tea mug, but after brushing it, it was 50 to 60 percent new. In the vegetable field, Li Weigong invented a method to smooth the ground like a mirror. He diluted the white plaster and poured it into the house, let it settle slowly, and the ground became extremely smooth. People walked on it. There are reflections.Then he plastered the walls and polished them with pebbles from the ditch.The house became as bright as a desert at noon, smelling of water and lime.Later, he used Hongfu as a model to draw many nude paintings in this room. These paintings did not contain mathematical theorems, nor did they have political implications, nor did they depict leaders.So each one is a great masterpiece.None of these paintings have survived because the characters depicted are both beautiful and sensual.According to the art theory of our country, the characters in the paintings must not be beautiful, let alone sexy.This is a pity, because this is the essence of Wei Gong's artistic achievements in his life, and his attitude in making these paintings is very serious.For example, if he thinks that the red eyes in a painting are not dark enough, he puts eye drops in her eyes to make her pupils dilate; Shrunk so that she often can't see anything.If the position of Hong Fu's nipple is slightly lower in a painting, he will tease it with a feather to make it tilt up, and if the position is too high, he will blow it up to relax it.This adjustment is so frequent that she said: it's going to grow calluses. Four There is a low-lying land in Luoyang City, which is full of vegetable gardens, and Li Weigong hid in it when he committed a crime.Later, in the city of Chang’an he built, there was no low-lying land. The ground inside the city wall was paved with loess on a solid plane, with a tolerance of less than half an inch. It rained heavily in summer, and the accumulated water didn’t know which way to flow. , often piled up more than a foot deep on the flat ground, but after the rain stopped, there was not a single puddle in the whole city of Chang'an, and there were no weeds in the city, so there was not a single mosquito in the city in summer.It is said that people born in Chang'an City do not grow fine hair on their bodies, nor do they have pubic or armpit hair.This must make European and American women envious.In Chang'an city there is not a single dog, not a single frog, and even birds do not come after dark, so it is silent and very embarrassing.Li Weigong was afraid that the emperor would not like it, so he designed a robotic frog and a robotic cicada, and ordered each family to buy ten of them, and they would be fully wound up and released after dark.Because it has my name written on it, others will definitely send it back after they pick it up (it’s useless to keep it in your hand, it’s just that you’re too tired to wind up a few more clockworks).That kind of frog just croaks and jumps around. If it is stuck under the back wall of your house and can't jump, it will make you sleepless all night because it uses all the power of its clockwork to croak. Can deafen your ears.In this case the only way is to go out and find it, by which time its walking part has often failed and it can no longer jump, but you can wrap it in a triple quilt and put it in a case , Wait until dawn to deal with it; or throw it in the neighbor's yard and let someone solve the problem.After the robot cicada is released, it will squeak and fly along an extremely irregular orbit. Because it is afraid that it will be damaged, the shell of the robot cicada is made of iron, so it is very dangerous for people in Dingye Road. Will be bloody.The way to prevent this danger is to not go out after dark.Li Weigong also designed a mechanical firefly, which caused several fires during the trial stage; designed a robot watchdog, but found that it would bite everyone, especially the owner during the trial; so no investment was made in these two inventions. Production, though not without room for improvement. He also invented a female robotic cat called Chun, who could scratch her head and pose, but had a trap in her body. Once a male cat was tempted to make love to her, he would be castrated with a click.After the invention was successful, he let it out, hid in the house, and watched it from a distance with a telescope. Once a male cat was fooled, he clapped his hands and laughed.When these inventions were made, Duke Wei was only in his fifties. He was full of energy and often did things that were not good for Hong Fu.When Hongfu pointed it out, he just smiled and went to wash his neck.Then he suddenly became wilted and only opened one eye.This is called old age. Li Weigong pretended to be stupid when he got old because he lost interest in everything.At this time, he felt that it was boring to try his best to solve mathematical problems, because even if you don't solve those problems, people in later generations will solve them; making those weird inventions is also really boring, because if you don't make those inventions, others Will make them too.The only fun thing is sleeping.This kind of thinking is very similar to my thinking at certain times.I'm talking about these times when I think Fermat's Theorem is exhausting—I've proved forty-eight lemmas, each twenty pages long, and they've all been proved beautifully.This shows that my ability to prove is very strong.It's a pity that none of these forty-eight lemmas has anything to do with Fermat's theorem—at such times I lie down and sleep for forty-eight hours.Needless to say, my sleep is different from that of Li Weigong. He sleeps after proving everything, and I sleep before proving everything.But instead of me taking every opportunity to sleep, he always does.That's the difference between young and old.When a person is young, he is full of urges to do things and change everything endlessly. When these urges disappear suddenly, he is old. According to Hongfu's recollection, the most vigorous moment of Li Weigong's life was when he was hiding in the vegetable field.From dusk to midnight, he made love to Hongbrush in various positions.However, Hongfu's energy is not as strong as his, so he often falls asleep while working.At midnight, he ran out to dig the river. The apparent reason was that there was stagnant water in the river to breed mosquitoes, but in fact, there was nowhere to vent his remaining energy.Before dawn, he ran back to continue his work.This kind of situation made Hongfu fall asleep whenever she had sex from young to middle-aged.If conditions permit, she will always put five or six duck down pillows on her back, and then she will have a dark and sweet dream.After waking up, if he finds that Wei Gong performed anal sex on her, he will be spanked.In fact, since she escaped from Yang Su's mansion, she felt that she had fallen asleep.That's what it's like to be with energetic people.In this regard, I have personal experience. Our department head is such an energetic person.He is a black fat man who runs wildly in and out of the department every day. If he meets me at the gate of the office building, he will slap me on the back (with such strength that it will kill me), and say: Xiao Wang, look at me. Your thesis is well written.Write a few more.Then he walked away, leaving me in the corridor, dumbfounded, my face was red from top to bottom, all the way to my belly button.At this time, I always thought, when he publishes the paper, I will do the same: Boss, I read your paper, well written!Then he slapped him so that blood spurted wildly.Of course, I have to practice Iron Sand Palm first, and I don't have the skill now.He taught four major courses and brought in more than 20 graduate students. This is not enough. On Tuesday and Friday, there will be a departmental meeting. From students cheating in exams to non-stop talking about running water in the toilet, he is the only one who talks about it. .When I arrived at the meeting place, I fell asleep at my desk and fell asleep, feeling that someone was pinching me.When I opened my eyes, it was a female colleague in her forties or fifties.Looks like you should wear a bib, she said, with pity and disgust.It turned out that my saliva wet my pants, as if I peed my pants.This is not the case if the face is facing the sky, but the boss will see someone in the meeting place with his head on the back of the chair, his limbs spread, his mouth wide open, and his eyes rolled.Anyway, now I still respect the boss and don't want to do it.Hong Fu put a pillow on her back, raised her legs high, and then fell asleep, while I fell asleep with my head forward.These two situations are very different on the surface, but in fact they are the same.When I fall asleep, do whatever you want. Because of Hongfu, I have a good impression of people who love to sleep.I am a person who loves to sleep. If it is not to prove Fermat's theorem, I would like to sleep all day long.And Xiaosun is a person who likes to sleep, I often hear her shout: how sleepy!Then she was unkempt and wrapped in a nightgown.Run out to go to the toilet.I hate this way of living together, it makes people feel ashamed to sleep; I would like to answer: you go to sleep, what are you afraid of.But didn't say it, because it wasn't necessarily said to me.In an instant, the water tank roared, and she came out of the toilet and ran back to sleep.我很同情小孙，作为一位女士，她肯定没有在哪儿都睡的勇气。我不但在全校、全系、教研室的会上酣睡，而且在歌咏比赛上也睡着了。那一天是五一节。校工会组织歌咏比赛，要求教职工全体参加。我和大家一样，换上了白衬衫蓝裤子，就在后台等上场的当儿，我倚着墙睡着了，结果就没有上去唱歌。这对我是一件好事，我的位置是在最后一排中央，站在三级木台上。万一在那里睡着了，从上面一头撞下来，不但我自己性命难保，还要危及校长。因为我准会撞到第一排中央，他就在那里坐着。根据这种切身体会，我认为杨素家里也老开会，有一位老虔婆老在那里作报告，从节约眉笔到晚上别忘了洗屁股，什么都要讲到。 红拂就在那里睡着了。但是睡觉也不敢闭眼睛，因为在杨府里犯了错误，就会被乱棍打死葬进万人坑。因此与其说是在睡，不如说是愣怔。相比之下，能够生活在今天是多么幸福啊，我们可以相当安全地睡了。在这方面我的觉悟很高，就是在熟睡中被头头们提溜起来训上一顿也不回嘴，因为我深知我们的处境已经大大改善了。文化革命里我插队时，遇到了一位军代表，他专在半夜一两点吹哨紧急集合，让大家敬祝毛主席万寿无疆。谁要是敞着扣子，就会受批判。所以我们都是穿戴整齐，头上戴帽子，脚下穿球鞋的睡觉，看上去像是等待告别的遗体。这位军代表是包茎，结婚以前动手术切开，感染了，龟头肿得像拳头那么大。有同学在厕所看见了，我们就酌酒相庆。我喝了一斤多白酒，几乎醉死了，以后什么酒都不敢沾了。 Fives 我自觉得是精力不够充沛的人，和红拂是一样的。对于我们这样的人来说，能够睡觉是一种幸福。伴随着睡眠到来的是漫长真实的梦。根据我的统计，一个小时的睡眠可以做出二十个小时的梦，所以睡觉可以大大地延长生命。另外一方面，醒着也没什么有意思的事可干，除了胡扯淡，就是开会。所以后来红拂说，躲在菜园子里的时候是她一生最幸福的时期，那个时期真实和梦境都混为一体——死柳树的黑色剪影，篱笆上蓝色的喇叭花，洼地里的积水，表面上蒙满了飞虫，偶尔飞进房里来的大如车轮的白蝴蝶，等等。她还在三十多度的纬度上看到了北极光，这是地理学家无法想像的。她拿出一个皮面大本子给别人看———那些别人都是些达官贵人的小姐，不良少女之类——里面是卫公在土地庙里给她画的裸体像，因为画的是她，她就以为是自己画的了，这是个不小的疏忽。她还告诉她们说，大幅的都丢了，真是可惜呀。那些女孩传阅那本画册，画册里有一幅红拂的身体全是些棱面。有人就说：这是立体主义罢。红拂大笑着说：什么立体主义！这是睡茅草硌的！还有人神秘兮兮地问道：红拂阿姨，当时性生活一定很和谐吧。她马上就警觉起来，说道：不能告诉你们，你们是未成年人。别人劝了她一阵，她才说：卫公家伙很大。再过了一会，她就什么都说了，而且还格格地笑了一阵。既然如此，还不如当初不警觉。警觉了以后再讲这些，腐蚀青少年的罪名就更加铁板钉钉。 和我们相比，虬髯公是精力充沛的人，所以他就当了大头儿——扶桑国王，把腰板挺得笔直，一天到晚主持会议：臣子们的御前会，后妃会，王子会，公主会，每周还要接见乡下来的老人，忙得不可开交。不管家里家外，事无巨细，他都要过问。所有的人都说他是好国王，只有后妃们对他不满意，因为他身上缠着红拂的头发，像个大蚕茧，而且睡觉也不肯解下来。那些女人给他起了个外号，叫大棕包。有时有人气不愤，想要切腹自杀，他又一本正经地召见，劝解。劝解无效又一本正经地安排一切：自杀穿的衣服，切腹用的刀，等等。等到一切都安排好了，那个女孩子走进指定的房间，在四角点上蜡烛，就在人家找准了肚脐眼要下刀子的时候，他又一头撞进去说：务请铺好席子，拜托了！血水流到了地板上要招蚂蚁。假如不是扶桑少女，准会一刀捅到他喉咙里去。但她只是鞠上一躬。说道：哈依！有一点我们都要承认：扶桑人比我们抗折腾。 红拂从杨府里逃走之后，虽然头头们并没有责备虬髯公，但他觉得自己有责任。这件事其实是合情合理的，你想想看，假如杨府逃了一个歌妓，头头们出赏格缉拿，岂不显得头儿贪恋女色，很没有水平？另外，悬赏缉拿又会使歌妓们觉得自己很稀罕。而另一方面，假如红拂逃了就让她逃了那也是不行的，这样所有的人都会逃光。解决这个矛盾的方法就是要有不需要头头们讲话就会出来做事的人，而虬髯公就是这样的人。他还知道红拂是和李靖跑了，因为跑以前红拂老是打听李靖。因此他就请了长假，到酒坊街、土耳其浴室一类李靖过去常去的地方打听。而打听这种活儿虬髯公干起来最为熟练，他像一切剑客大侠一样，总是天一黑就换上夜行衣，到所有的人窗下偷听，一听见里面性交的人属通奸性质，就闯进去把他们砍成四半。而官府来验尸时，一看是四半，马上就知道是剑客所为，不再追究了。 有关虬髯公的所作所为，有一点需要补充的地方。虽然他口口声声说道红拂是他的红颜知己，他永远爱她，其实这是个神话。而要解释这个神话，起码要提到以下三个方面：第一，他和红拂之间既没有肌肤相亲，又没有海誓山盟，假如他真的终身不渝地爱上了她，那就是柏拉图式的爱情，很高尚。第二，他说自己只爱红拂，这样可以吊吊后妃们的胃口；至于害死了多少女孩子他倒是不在乎。第三，他当扶桑国王虽然是合法的，工作也是无可挑剔，但毕竟是外国人。扶桑的爱国志士们喝醉了酒，总要大吼大叫：咱们堂堂扶桑，难道没人了吗，让外国人当国王？然后就去刺杀他。虬髯公虽然多次遇险，但总是毫发无伤。他几乎是刀枪不入，因为身上缠了一寸多厚的人头发。身为扶桑王，满身缠这些拣来的东西，弄得又馊又臭，又长痱子又长虱子，总要有点高尚的理由罢。红拂就是这个理由，因为头发就是她的，虽然她后来不要了。 解释了这些，就该说到有一阵子虬髯公想把红拂抓回杨府，以便乱棍打死葬入万人坑，并为此到处奔忙。当然，虬髯公又是一个善良的人。他确实决定了在红拂被逮回去行将被乱棍打死时给她讲讲情。但是我们都知道，像这种讲情连狗屁都不顶。像这类狗屁一样的讲情话我听得多了。比方说，在分房会上有人这样讲：分房首先考虑某主任——然后是某教授——当然了，像王二那种与人合居的情形我们也该适当考虑一下。别人都考虑过了，拿什么来给我适当考虑？我听了这种话，总是说道：不要考虑不要考虑，我使得挺好的，邻居是女的，还很漂亮。他们听说我这样的男光棍和一个漂亮单身女人住一套房子，当然很是痛心，但是房子紧张，也无法可想。我讲这些话其实一点用没有的，但是对狗屁就是要顶它一下，最起码要让狗肛门出气不畅。 我说小孙很漂亮，这也是一种神话，最起码不能够一概而论。有时候漂亮，有时候不漂亮。她刚刚睡醒时，坐在过厅里的椅子上，失魂落魄，脸上的光泽就如死人一样灰暗，披头散发，看上去就如一棵正在落叶的榆树。她伸长了脖子两眼发直，又有点故作深沉的模样。但是你要是问她怎么了，她就说：睡觉睡累了。这种说法也有一点道理：比之坐在会场上不动脑子的信口雌黄，睡觉是比较累。但是要与证数学定理相比就太轻松。这个女人坐在过厅里时，身上穿一件人造丝的睡袍——那种料子假装不起皱，其实皱起来一塌糊涂——露出很大一片胸膛。她乳房上面有好几道皱纹，这种现象说明她趴着睡觉，压到了那里。作为一个女人，连自己的乳房都不认真对待，肯定是不可信任。我想她们头头们也是这么想的，所以在图书馆里她虽然也算是个老资格，但始终不受重用。 six 我们从书上可以知道中国历史上有很多名人，还能知道他们之间的交情如何，谁是谁的人等等，就是不知道他们吃什么东西，那些东西是怎么做出来的。据我所知，红拂和李靖躲在菜地里时，吃的是熬芋头和煮茄子。芋头不是北方产的小芋头，蒸熟了绵软那种；而是南方的独头大芋头，二三十斤一个，越熬越硬，最后就变成一锅白汤加上几块碎砖头的模样。而茄子不是北方的大圆茄子，嫩时紫得发黑；而是南方的长条茄子，有黄有绿，只是顶上带一点紫色，煮了以后软绵绵糟兮兮，吃到了嘴里也不知是什么东西。这两种东西在烹调时有很大的简便性，既不需要油，也不需要盐，只需要若干柴火。我们插队时没东西吃，头头们就让我们吃这些东西，还说这都是现在才能吃到的美食。但是我越吃越觉得难吃，吃芋头觉得它太硬，噎得透不过气来；而吃茄子感觉相反，只觉得嘴里有一堆软软的东西往下钻，好像嗓子里进了爬虫，毛骨悚然。我绝不是个胆小鬼，所以当时吃下了很多煮茄子，但是后来绝不去碰这种草本的果实。但是红拂的情形和我有很大不同，她以前吃过的一切和这两种物质有本质的不同，所以也就不知如何来评价。 她一边吃一边看李靖的脸色，心里想：只要他一皱眉，我就说难吃；只要他一匝嘴我就说好吃。但是卫公始终毫无表情，所以她也不知道如何发表意见。后来她就想：发表什么意见干啥，我就跟着瞎吃算了。这说明她对这些事一无所知，这样的好处是不存偏见，坏处是显得呆板。吃完了饭，李靖又拿吃剩的芋头汤刷墙，红拂也跟着刷。她觉得这件事比较有意思，就说：你别管，我都刷了。根据这种叙述，红拂说她躲在菜地里时最为幸福，也是一种神话。那里不过是一大片洼地，里面充满了菜园子味，闻惯了的人一定会说很难闻。但是红拂没有闻惯——杨府里到处都是麝香味、檀香味，浓烈得能熏死苍蝇；人吸多了那种气味，也会觉得头晕眼花，鼻塞气重——她闻到了这种气味，倒觉得鼻子通畅，神清气爽。那里还有好多蚊子，但是不大叮她。据那些蚊子反映，红拂的血味道古怪，和以前吸到过的血大不一样，再说她的皮肤太紧凑。叮起来有困难。 早上她醒来时，一团冷冰冰的白色雾气闯到房子里面来，还有一个几乎是陌生的男子用扑过来的姿式睡在她怀里，头发粗糙的像马鬃一样。他浑身冰凉，肌肉坚实，用手指轻轻一捏，感觉捏了一匹马。他身上还有一股种马的气味。这种感觉莫可名状，所以她想：这就是幸福罢。这种将信将疑，捉摸不定的情绪持续了很久，直到李靖当了卫公，建好了长安城，还是没有改变。而卫公每天早上醒来时，看到自己躺在一个如花似玉的女人怀里，也要想上半天才能记起来发生了什么事情。他终日劳作，但并不太知道自己都干了些什么。这是因为他脑子太多，一个脑子干的事，另一个一点都不知道。与此同时，那二百五十六个公差像发了疯一样满城找李靖，却总找不到。过了十天的期限，他们的脑袋也被砍掉，然后送到四门去悬挂。因为这一回人数较多，头头们派了四个刽子手，还派来了四辆牛车，供运输人头之用。为了把头分得平均，在砍头以前先把他们分成了四队，脸上分别写上了“东”、“西”、“南”、“北”，好像一些麻将牌。砍完了以后把他们堆在牛车上运走，这时候那些人头诧异怎么会有如此多的人挤在自己脸上，就彼此瞠目而视。李卫公从自己家里逃走后的事情就是这样的。