Chapter 3 Show Dou 1 Year (1)

January 4 In Shuijiahu Village, the master fell in love with a restaurant owner's daughter named Bulma, who was twenty-eight years old and grew like a beautiful rose.Bulma still has a little affection for the master. At night, the master rode a white dragon horse to Bulma's window.Her boudoir was on the second floor, and the master climbed up to the balcony on the second floor on a white dragon horse. The master handed a rose to Bulma and sang: "What a beautiful girl, green blessing..." Shy and worried, Bulma said, "If my father comes into my room and sees you and me...you won't be spared!"

The master said leisurely: "Don't worry, it's all right. As long as your father knocks on your door, I will whistle, and my white horse will run to the balcony. I will jump off, and it will follow me, ride on and go away." !" At this time, there was a sudden knock on Bulma's door, and the master hurriedly blew a whistle, and immediately jumped off the balcony... Bulma opened the door, and there was a white dragon horse standing at the door! Bai Longma explained: "Oh! Miss, please tell my master: it's raining outside, I'll wait for him in the corridor..."

January 7 After eating, there is only one toothpick left.The four of us are in a hurry to use it, what should we do? So everyone gave a speech, whoever has the biggest gap between his teeth needs this toothpick the most. First of all, the senior brother said: "My tooth has a big hole because of worms. Last time I ate a steamed bun, it was all stuck in the tooth hole!" The second senior brother said, "What is that! What I pick out between my teeth can feed a cow!" I said, "I can punt a boat between my teeth!" Finally, the master said slowly: "It's all a small case! Once, I accidentally fell, and an elephant fell out! I asked how the elephant came into my mouth? The elephant said: Our family of three feel that living between your teeth is spacious and comfortable!"

Obviously, the master won.The elder brother said to the master: "You are cruel! The toothpick is yours. But I think it is more suitable for you to pick your teeth with this!" After finishing speaking, he threw a chopstick to the master. January 10 Some customs of ethnic minorities are very interesting.We came to the village of the Dai people. Today is the annual Water-Splashing Festival of the Dai family.The Songkran Festival, as the name suggests, is when men, women and children splash water on people together.It means that if you pour the auspicious water on you, it will also bring you auspiciousness!

The village head took the four of us into the crowd and said, "At our festival, whoever is splashed with more water means that people like him more. The girl pours water on the boy she loves to express her love..." He gave each of us a scoop for splashing water. The festival begins.When the village head poured the first ladle of water on the statue, the crowd began to boil, and there were splashes everywhere... Suddenly, the master screamed: "Oh! Which bastard threw me?" The village head stepped forward and said to the master : "How can you swear! Being splashed by others means that you are popular! You are so uneducated! You should be happy!"

The master said angrily: "Can I be happy? That bastard poured boiling water on me just now!" The second senior brother was splashed by a group of young people, his whole body was soaked, they were still shouting while splashing: "Wash the pig's head!" The girls poured water on the master one after another, but the elder brother and I did so well that smoke came out! January 13 I have a stomachache today!I’ve been soaking for three times… I’m so empty… January 17 This evening, the master asked the second senior brother to prepare some fast food, and the second senior brother went.

After a while, he came back with a few big and white steamed buns. The master took the steamed buns and said in surprise: "Wow! What a big steamed bun!" The second senior brother said: "Of course! It's from the 'Ye Zi Mei' card!" ... January 20 It was a little cold at night, so the second senior brother and the first senior brother went to find some firewood to keep warm. After lighting the fire, everyone sat around.The master saw that there was a young tree that had just died among the firewood brought by the second senior brother, and said regretfully, "Ah! Who is so immoral that he wants to cut down such a small tree?"

The second brother hurriedly said: "I didn't do it, it was there when I went there!" The master said earnestly: "Nowadays, some people's awareness of environmental protection is too low. Don't you know that without plants, there would be no human beings! If you cut it down like this, one day human beings will become extinct!" He took a deep breath and said: "In ancient times , there is a huge animal that rules the earth like humans today, they are called 'dinosaurs, but they are extinct in the end!" The second brother asked, "How did it become extinct?"

The master said: "Because they didn't realize the importance of environmental protection and ecological balance at the time. They polluted the land and rivers by urinating everywhere; Make a toothpick and they can knock down a hundred-year-old tree..." I said, "Master, the more you listen, the more you seem to be talking about us. Will we become extinct?" "Of course not, because you have such a fair-skinned, beautiful, youthful, generous and benevolent master!" At this time, the elder brother said: "Master, did the dinosaur you mentioned lay eggs?"

"Yes!" The master replied. "Is the baby dinosaur hatched by the dinosaur mother?" "That's right!" "Can dinosaurs bark?" "Yes, of course I will!" "Dinosaurs can also fly? With wings?" "Not all of them can fly. There is a kind of pterosaur with long wings that can fly." "Can't fly? Do they walk on two legs?" "That's right!" "Did dinosaurs have split toes?" "That's right! Wukong, have you ever seen a dinosaur?" "Of course I've seen it! It's just that we don't call it a dinosaur, we call it a 'chicken!'"

The master rushed forward and hit... January 21 Tianjingsha·Journey to the West monk, luggage and horse, The road is long and dangerous. Ancient West Wind scum. sunset, Show cuteness in the end of the world! January 28 The moon and stars are rare.We cast a monastery at night.I saw a little monk at the gate of the temple, pushing the door with his hands for a while, and knocking again for a while. I don’t know what kind of plane he is doing! The master asked: "Little brother, what are you doing?" The little monk said: "I wrote a poem just now. There is a sentence of 'The bird lives in the tree by the pond, and the monk pushes the moon to leave the door. I am not satisfied. I don't know if it is better to use 'pushing' or 'knocking'?" The master said: "Little brother, let's be monks, don't imitate those college students who are born to show off deep. You have problems with both sentences. First of all, look, is the bird sleeping on the tree? It is obviously a goose!" The little monk asked: "Is it a goose? How could the goose fly to the tree?" "If you don't believe me, ask yourself!" The little monk shouted to the tree: "Hey! Are you a bird or a goose?" A voice came from the tree: "You are a fucking bird! I have never seen a goose! You are not educated!" The master said: "Look, that's right! Also, it's not good to use 'push' or 'knock' in your second sentence. I think it's more appropriate to use the word 'kick'. It has sound, movement, and more courage!" " "Thank you Master, I changed it to: 'The goose lives in the tree by the pond, the monk kicks the door under the moon." The little monk recited. The master and brother followed the little monk into the monastery. I turned around and asked the goose on the tree: "Excuse me, this handsome goose, why did you go to sleep on the tree?" "Oh! I can't help it, I was forced! The old bald donkey in the temple likes to eat meat!" After entering the temple, a monk with a big face arranged a room for us.Did not see the old bald donkey. January 29 Early this morning, we were woken up by the sound of children running. After waking up, I went to the yard and saw an old monk teaching a group of children.It seems to be teaching them to recognize "color". Old monk: "My friends, what color is the grass?" "Green!" The children replied in unison, the voice was very loud. "Then, what about the sky?" "blue!" "It's so smart! Look at my teeth again, what color are they?" The old monk wanted to teach the children about white.But there was a sudden silence underneath, and the children could be seen thinking. A child whispered: "It's beige..." The old monk was a little unhappy. Another kid said, "No, it's orange!" "No! It's carbon black!" "Wrong! It should be navy blue!" ... There was a mess underneath. The old monk couldn't help yelling: "Damn! Your father's teeth are navy blue! You're out of your mind!" After scolding, he felt uncomfortable and said, "Okay, now we have culture class. I asked You guys, how many ways to write the word 'fennel' in fennel beans?" The children said, "I don't know." The old monk smiled and said: "There are four ways of writing: writing with a brush; writing with a pen; writing with a ballpoint pen; writing with a pencil..." "Teacher, I know another way of writing," a child stood up and said, "use a stick dipped in shit and write on the wall!" The old monk said helplessly: "Okay, okay, it's the fifth way of writing, which one do you usually use?" "Fifth!" The children replied in unison. The old monk was so angry that he foamed at the mouth. In the evening, the old monk summoned us, and it turned out that he is the abbot here, that is, the "old bald donkey" that the goose on the tree said. The master asked the abbot: "You are really working hard. In addition to managing the monastery, you also have to teach a group of children." The abbot said: "It's nothing, these children are the children of the rich man at the foot of the mountain. In fact, the purpose of my teaching is not to make money, but to mislead the children..." The master said: "So that's the case. In fact, the purpose of my journey to the west is not to learn the scriptures and save all sentient beings, but to see all the beauties in the world!" The abbot said to the master: "Since everyone is a Buddhist disciple, I will ask you a question about the Buddha. We worship the Buddha every day, can the Buddha receive it?" The master said, "Of course." "Then why are there still so many Buddhist believers suffering?" "Oh! It's like this. I asked the Buddha that day, and the Buddha said: Because there are so many people worshiping Buddha, he had to learn how the radio station collects letters from listeners, and pick out one or two to help them out!" said the master. "Stop joking! Do you really think there is a Buddha!? It sounds so real!" the abbot laughed, "I didn't expect you to be so poisoned at such a young age!" "Abbot! Please don't be so frivolous! My elder brother Tathagata Buddha really existed. If you don't believe me, call him and ask him!" the master said seriously. "Hahahaha..." The abbot laughed so hard that he couldn't straighten up, "Okay, okay, you're so cruel, you're such a big idiot! Ha..." "How can you be the abbot of the monastery without seeing Buddha like you?!" The master asked sharply. "Actually, I opened this monastery mainly for fun... It's really interesting to meet monks like you who have no brains from time to time! Ha... ha..." "Pick me up!" The master immediately gave the old bald donkey a super-valued gift package of flying legs! February 6 I finished the last diary, and I keep keeping a diary because there is a giant in my heart who supports me and encourages me. He is the lighthouse on my life route, the compass of a happy life - Lin Changzhi. He has been silently caring for me and has given me great strength.He is an irreplaceable idol of wisdom and stalwart in my heart!I can't imagine, would I have come this far today without him? But a great man also has regrets of a great man. Although his idol is talented and intelligent, he is still an old man because of his work! I am really worried for him, and I hope that all the passionate young women will show the pride and courage to save the world, carry forward the fearless spirit that is not afraid of crying and tiredness, and actively connect with my idol. February 8 I really admire the white dragon horse. He used to be a majestic dragon prince, but now he is willing to be humiliated by others. The most unbelievable thing is that his appetite has also changed, and he can get it done by eating grass all day long.This ability is his unique skill, otherwise, like the second senior brother, he would turn into a cow when he was hungry, and would eat a lot of grass, wouldn't it be great! What's even more frightening is that he completely regarded himself as a horse.Last time, at our strong request, he changed back into a human form and went to play with us in the city.Unexpectedly, if he didn't grab him with a rope, he wouldn't know where to go. Another time, he changed back into a human form and went shopping with his second senior brother.The second senior brother accidentally touched his buttocks while walking, and he ran for more than 20 miles in one breath before reacting. There is no way, his life is over! February 18 In the past two days, a director came to see the master.Said that he was filming a third-level animation of science fiction, violence and horror. There was a small role in the play, and a tall and handsome person was needed to play it. The master readily agreed. On the first day, the director said that he would shoot a group of nude scenes.The master went away in a hurry. When I came back, I cried like Liu Bei, and said: "Naked or naked, a dozen gentlemen took off their clothes and pretended to be floating corpses in the river! Sneeze! It froze me to death!" The next day, the director said that he was going to shoot a set of kissing scenes, but the master went there in a hurry. When I came back, I cried like Liu Bei, and said: "The kiss is a kiss, let me kiss the hippo! Huh... the hippo's mouth is so big! It covered my whole head!" On the third day, the director said that he was going to shoot a series of sexual scenes on the bed, but the master went there in a hurry. When I came back, I cried like Liu Bei, and said: "The bed is the bed, let me play cotton on the bed, and the dead director also asked me to act with passion! But I was so tired that I fell apart!" On the fourth day, ... oops!Master is here!Can't write anymore!It's not good to be seen by him... February 21 Anything that has been cultivated for a long time will become a spirit and a demon! Today, in a tea booth at an intersection, several goblins were discussing life. The gentle and elegant foot basin spirit said: "Life! Come clean and leave with a dirty face..." The shoehorn demon said, "Oh! Life is full of troubles, so what if there are more? The truth is the mediocrity. Why don't you put aside fame and fortune and be an ordinary person..." The arrogant glass slag said: "Don't look at how broken I am! If anyone messes with me, I'll stab him anyway!" Finally, the dejected cigarette butt demon said: "I used to be able to 'burn it', alas! Now I want to 'burn it' and I can't burn it!..." After listening to what they said, the master said if he had any feeling: "If a person continues to cultivate, who knows what he will become?" When the four goblins heard it, they turned their heads and said in unison: "Become a 'spirit' (jing)!" February 22 In the morning, a group of monks and a group of Taoist priests were fighting with weapons on the road, probably to fight for territory. The master ran over, thinking he was trying to persuade a fight, but he grabbed a Taoist priest and kicked him!Calling us while beating: "Apprentices! Hurry up and smash these stinky Taoist priests!" We rushed forward and drove the Taoist priests away in a few strokes. The master straightened his clothes, and said to the monks: "I have long disliked these stinky Taoist priests! What age are they, and they dare to compete with us for business! Grandma! Don't be afraid! Their boss—Taibai Laoer and our boss Tathagata is not at the same level of strength! Haha..." I thought: monks and Taoist priests were originally colleagues, but now they have gone to such extremes!well!Feudal superstition kills people! February 25 Big brother sometimes seems too naive. Yesterday, he asked a carp spirit: "You have thorns all over your body, don't you feel panicked?" The carp spirit said: "Yes! I was so helpless! But if I don't do this, I'm afraid there will be more people who eat me. Alas, it's so painful!" Today, the senior brother asked the second senior brother again: "Bajie, when you say kissing, where should you put your tongue?" The second senior brother teased him and said, "Isn't it enough to hold it in your hand?" I told him: "When kissing, two people's tongues can be stirred." "Hey! Mixed together? It's so disgusting!" The eldest brother said in surprise, "Master, let's try it?" February 29 At a remote intersection, we saw a group of people queuing and discussing something. I went over and asked a man on horseback: "Why do you line up at the intersection instead of leaving?" The man said: "Oh! I don't know when a traffic god came to this intersection. He set up a traffic light here, and he stopped it when he saw the speed. I rode to the commune yesterday to buy stocks. Today I came back and ran a red light. Lamp, he has been detained until now and still won’t let you go! What’s the matter!” I took a closer look: wow!Sure enough, the fast ones were all detained.There are Douyun, Alalei, Sonic the Hedgehog, and Bugs Bunny... "Isn't this Superman? You've been detained too!" I suddenly saw Superman. Superman said helplessly: "Don't mention it! In order to chase bin Laden, I was too fast, but he detained me, and the flight license is still in his hand!" "How miserable!" I said. "I'm not miserable, that guy is even more unlucky." Mr. Superman said and pointed to another person. I looked along and saw a computer sitting on the ground crying and saying: "I'm messing with someone! Isn't it just a Pentium 4 chip, it's faster... What are you doing with me... Woo Woo..." At this time, the traffic fairy said: "Everyone can go! Happy April Fool's Day! I am too bored, come down to relax and adjust the atmosphere, thank you!" Oh!I rely on!It turned out that the man was changed by King Tota Li Tian-he came down to entertain him. This thing that gave birth to a son without an ass hole! February 31 We left Xinjiang under the leadership of an extremely wise, brilliant, and extremely handsome master. Our master is not only a wise leader, but also an amiable parent, and a very easy to get along with friend. He - is our spiritual sustenance! He - is the driving force for us to move forward! He——is our beacon of suffering! With superhuman courage and strong will, he went to the west to learn scriptures and save all sentient beings!He conquered the hearts and love of everyone on the road with his handsome appearance and kind smile!We will always follow him, love him, our favorite, our master! Long live the master! Long live the master! March 5 I feel that the white-faced bald donkey looks at me in the past few days, and there seems to be something wrong. No, did he peek at my diary? I was busy opening the diary... Ah!This shameless scum!He actually peeked at my secret and wrote nonsense on it.Everyone gets it and kills it quickly! author statement The first part, the diary on February 31st (the idiot even wrote the date wrong!) was written by my master Fenmian bald flirtatious donkey!Not my intention!I hope everyone will be treated differently!I will put a password bomb lock on the diary in the future, if he wants to peek again, he has to enter the correct password first.Otherwise, you will be ashamed! March 19 Last night, the Leonid meteor shower broke out. Meteors are like fireworks, flashing across the silent night sky one by one, it's so dazzling! I woke up the master and senior brother, and the second senior brother opened his eyes and said, "Ah? Meteor shower, do you want to wear a raincoat?" The master smiled and said: "What a pig-headed three! Meteors are formed by friction and burning of meteorites breaking into the earth's atmosphere... Don't talk nonsense if you don't know, lest you make people laugh!" Bajie said, "Huh? A meteorite broke into the earth. It looks like you have to wear a hard hat!" The master was waiting for us to cast envious eyes on his knowledge, but the senior brother said to him: "You don't have to fart! It's true: no culture, no fear; no knowledge, no shame! What kind of meteorite burns... I haven't seen it before. Don’t talk nonsense! Meteors—that’s the children of the fairy family in the sky playing with fireworks! I’ve been in the sky for so many years, and in the future, please ask me first before speaking!” I said, "Stop arguing! Make a wish! I heard that when a shooting star passes by, you make a wish, and the shooting star will make it come true for you!" then.Let's make a wish on the shooting star together.Because there are many meteors.We may have a lot of wishes! March 20 Early this morning.Patriarch Bodhi found us with a very serious expression! "You four are too outrageous!" The master asked: "How do you say this, old man?" Patriarch Bodhi said: "The meteor shower last night, you made more than 600 wishes, here is the list!" He said and handed the master an account book, "There is no one who wishes for the success of this study! And no one wishes me Buddha Famous forever! Not one of them wished the safety of all living beings in the world!...Look, what kind of mess are these!" He raised his voice. "What makes the Buddha most angry is Tang Sanzang, your wish to learn to dance parapara at the end of this year... I really don't understand what you are thinking all day long!" After finishing speaking, Patriarch Bodhi shook his hand and left. The four of us were left, blushing, bowing our heads, rubbing our feet... March 25 Today we came to Daban City in Xinjiang.On the way, the second senior brother sang the Xinjiang folk song "Girl in Daban City", which was very out of shape: "The watermelon in Daban City is hard and flat, and the girl is big and round. The stone braids in Daban City are long, with two eyes it's beautiful……" We said he sang it wrong! He sang again: "The girls in Daban City are hard and flat, and the stones are big and round. The watermelon braids in Daban City are long, and their eyes are so beautiful..." We said he sang it wrong again! The second senior brother became impatient.Said: "This is wrong, and that is wrong! Did I offend you by singing a song casually? Tell me to my face if I don't like it! Don't keep interrupting my singing!" March 27 Some people may ask: "Didn't you go to Tianzhu? Why did you come to Xinjiang!" Depend on!Can you manage it?Gossip!We are happy!Some of us are youth, some are energy!Why not visit Xinjiang?It's really salty to eat radish and worry about it! Xinjiang is a good place, There are cows and sheep everywhere. Incomparably beautiful girl, Xinjiang is a good place, The scenery at the foot of the Tianshan Mountains. It is rich in melon and fruit fragrance. We walked to a small town called "Ili", and there were people selling a kind of food called "mutton skewers" on the street.The peddler yelled while fanning the fire.We were all salivating as the aroma filled the air with the smoke. I asked the master: "What are mutton skewers?" The chef said: "Mutton kebabs are a kind of food made from a local vegetable called 'mutton' after roasting." The second senior brother said: "Since it's vegetables, I'll go buy some skewers!" The master said: "We all contribute. You can buy more and bring them to the inn for dinner." So, we all gave the second senior brother our scraps of silver. In the inn, we ate and praised: "Xinjiang is better! Even the vegetables are so satisfying!" The master said: "This is not the best. Tomorrow I will take you to eat another way of eating this vegetable:' Mutton!" March 30 We finally boarded the Tianshan Mountains that we are fascinated by! Tianchi is like a beautiful and pure girl fainting on the top of Tianshan Mountain.The lake is blue, reflecting the blue sky and white clouds.It is so quiet and so clear. We yelled from the lake, "Hey-! Is there--any--?" We heard our echo from across the lake: "Hey--there--four--fool--birds-- !" The second senior brother couldn't help himself, jumped into the lake and started to swim.After he jumped down, the master laughed and said, "Haha, you idiot! The water in the Tianchi Lake is the result of the accumulation of ice and snow water from the Tianshan Mountains. It is always icy cold, and he jumped down without even asking!" But seeing the second senior brother swimming calmly, the master asked him: "Isn't it cold?" The second senior brother had a natural expression, without the slightest sign of pain.Said: "It's so refreshing! It's so cozy! It's not cold at all! It's like the sea water in Hawaii! Don't believe me, come down and try it?" The master immediately changed into a high-fork swimsuit and jumped into the lake. At this time, the second senior brother climbed up to the shore, and immediately shivered: "Yeah...it's too cold...I'm dying...I almost didn't freeze to death...Fortunately, I'm good at acting, so drag me down... …Otherwise, it would be embarrassing for me to go into the water and be frozen!" The master probably thought the same way, his lips turned blue in the water, his whole body was trembling, and he kept shouting: "Quick...quick...come down and have a rest! It's really...so ecstasy!" We ignored him and went to pick flowers and weave flower baskets. April 1 Huanxisha · Don’t feel like Xinjiang Tianshan and Kunlun face each other, and Turpan has a beautiful scenery. Now don't be confused. Who said that the mountains and rivers outside the pass are evil? I say Xinjiang is a good place! I often recall the fragrance of melons and fruits throughout the year. statement Comrades: Since my diary has received widespread attention from all walks of life, some manufacturers strongly request to load their product advertisements in the diary. There is no way, I also need material stimulation!So in the future, there may be advertisements for certain products at the beginning of the diary. If you don’t want to read them, you can skip them. Please be considerate! April 7 Today, the four of us drank tea and had a break at a roadside shop.Across our table sat several beauties. The beauties threw glances from time to time, which made us feel numb all over. At this time, a customer at the next table said: "The most attractive thing about a man to a woman is the way he pays..." Before the words were finished, the four of us stood up with a whoosh, and said together: "I'll pay the bill!" This is the first time!Four people rushed to pay the bill, even the elder brother who was always stingy was no exception! The master said: "I invite this meal, boss! Settle the account." The eldest brother said: "How can I make you spend money, master? Let me do it!" Then he withdrew four large coins and went to the counter. Before the boss took the money, he saw the second senior brother throw a piece of fifty taels of white silver with a "slap", and the silver drew a dazzling white light in the air and landed on the counter. The boss hurriedly said: "I can't find it, it's too big! Four small coins will do." "You don't need to look for it, just take it as a tip!" The second senior brother said boldly, and then glanced proudly at the beautiful woman opposite. Wow!The beauty left early... Duplex Advertisement In a spacious room, while watching the wonderful program broadcast on the "Washing Machine" brand color TV, you can enjoy the carefree feeling brought by the "Weasel" brand high-end self-rotating toilet.Then, take a bottle of 1977 "DDT" out of the "Hot Fast" fridge... savor life. this is life…… ——Zhejiang Washing Machine Appliance Group; Tianjin Weasel Co., Ltd.; Shenyang Redekuai Electric Appliance Company; Hefei DDT Wine Industry. April 9 On the side of the road, four scholars were discussing the human origin of species evolution. The senior brother walked over, and the four of them glanced at him.A scholar named Darwin said: "Look! I'm not wrong. Humans evolved from monkeys. This is the best evidence! This must be the intermediate form of monkeys evolving into humans!" Everyone agreed. The eldest brother is very proud, thinking that he is the ancestor of human beings. The second senior brother walked over, and the four of them glanced at him.A scholar named Archimedes said: "Look! I also found evidence that humans evolved from pigs. This is the intermediate form of pigs evolving into humans!" Everyone agreed. The second brother is also very proud. Then, when the white dragon horse walked up to the four of them, it suddenly changed into a human form.The four looked at him in surprise.A scholar named Newton said: "I think humans should have evolved from horses, and this man is the proof!" Everyone agreed. White Dragon Horse is very happy. The master walked over, and the four of them glanced at him.A scholar named Leonardo Da Vinci shouted: "You are all wrong! Look at this intermediate form! We can conclude that man evolved from a donkey!" master:"……" April 12 Early this morning, the master took a book and asked the second brother: "Bajie, this book says that the earth we are standing on is round, and it is still spinning rapidly! Is there such a thing?" The second senior brother said, "Yes, that's right!" The master pondered for a long while, and if he had some insight, he said, "No wonder I feel so disoriented and dizzy!"