Chapter 16 The disillusionment of love and career

The father also said: Boy, you will have to walk the future on your own. If you are a wimp, I will support you; if you are a man, you will support me in the future. Before Zhang Weiping came to the campus to visit Li Yaling, he was already aware of Li Yaling's changes. At the beginning, he didn't think the relationship between himself and Li Yaling was so desperate.He has been standing on his own ground to excuse Li Yaling.He thought, she is very busy studying now, so she doesn't have time to reply to his letters, or when she replies, she doesn't have more time to discuss love, love, etc.

of.Because Li Yaling's reply letter to him has changed from a few pages to a piece of paper, and sometimes even a page is not enough.He still writes to her as passionately as ever, and the letters are full of thoughts and love. On the issue of love, Zhang Weiping persisted for a long time, in exchange for the other party's gradual indifference. He did not believe that all this would be true.He always thought it was temporary, and everything would be fine when the two of them met one day. When the reality was completely shattered that day, with tears in his eyes, he didn't know how he walked out of the gate of the Chinese Medicine College.Everything is over, from ideal to reality, from hot to cold.Before meeting Li Yaling, he imagined many scenarios of reuniting with her, but none of these scenarios came true.The reality in front of him was something he had never dreamed of.

Until he saw her, his dream finally woke up. Sometimes it takes a long distance from dream to reason, and sometimes it is only as thin as a layer of paper, and it will be broken if it is broken.Zhang Weiping knew that it was time to wake up from the dream. In reality, Zhang Weiping began to sort out the relationship between him and Li Yaling that was dreamlike and unreal.He felt that it was not real at all, everything in the past seemed to happen yesterday. After the Spring Festival that year, he returned to the countryside from the city.Instead of returning directly to the commune, he came to the Fangmagou Brigade and spent the night at the brigade headquarters.This is his former office and dormitory.The lights were on, the crank telephone was still on the desk, the loudspeaker was still there, and everything was as it had been before.But everything in front of him has changed.

Zhang Weiping is in reality, he actually has a feeling of unreality.What Li Yaling said is still echoing in my ears, her smell, and her real body.Fangmagou once left a figure of their love for each other, and it is also a testimony of their love for each other. That night, Zhang Weiping sat alone until late at night. After thinking about it, all this made him understand that Li Yaling had changed, she was no longer the former Li Yaling.Now Li Yaling is a city resident, a college student Li Yaling, and she is still Zhang Weiping from before.Not only people are changing, but times are also changing.

Like the situation in the whole country, the commune where Zhang Weiping works is undergoing rapid changes.First, all the educated youths who had been sent to the countryside returned to the city in one go.As if they had never been here before, they left as soon as they said they were there, clean and without leaving any traces.The slogan on the wall and roadside: "The vast world can do a lot" has faded away.In the past, these passionate youths came to the countryside in response to the party's call. Now, they also left the countryside in response to the call.No one mentions whether you are rooted or not. That is to say, it is not necessarily an honorable thing if you are rooted.

Zhang Weiping has seen his own changes in the fate of others.In the past, he was the youngest and most promising young intellectual cadre in the county, and he was a typical example of the county taking root in the countryside.In those days, he was a hero wearing red flowers. In those days full of dreamy ideals, Zhang Weiping's soul was sublimated.His heart is strong. In his dream, he had the idea of ​​taking root in the countryside for a lifetime. At that moment, he resolutely fell in love with Li Yaling, a young intellectual in the countryside. Now everything has come to light, he still loves Li Yaling as always, but Li Yaling no longer loves him.His current position has also begun to become less awkward.Among the first-level cadres in the commune, he has changed from being a typical model to being insignificant now.Those cadres who had stood aside in the past returned to their jobs again. The old cadres and new cadres added together, there are twenty or thirty people in a small commune.Zhang Weiping was submerged in the crowd, he became lifeless.

The frequently held conferences of "establishing models" or "congratulations on meritorious service" have now become conferences for "rehabilitation" and "rectification of chaos". Zhang Weiping used to be the protagonist, but now he is just a supporting role.No one invited him to the stage anymore, he could only sit in the audience.At a county meeting, the former director of the "Educated Youth Office" met him, and the two had the following conversation in the office of the "Educated Youth Office". The director said: Xiaozhang, you are the only one in the county who has not gone through the formalities for returning to the city.My current "Educated Youth Office" is almost left behind for you alone.

He looked at the director of the Educated Youth Office. In the past, the director was enthusiastic about him. When looking at him, his eyes were full of expectation and longing. Now, there is a kind of helplessness and avoidance.The director had clearly told him that the reason why the Educated Youth Office was still in place was entirely for Zhang Weiping. The "Educated Youth Office", which used to be full of people, has long since been "nowhere to be seen".Zhang Weiping misses those days full of ideals and dreams, when the "Educated Youth Office" was the home of these young intellectuals who jumped in line.Now the home no longer exists, only an empty shell is left, and the director has no use in this shell.

Even if the director of the Educated Youth Office didn't tell him these words, he already realized his position. He felt helpless because of the ups and downs of the situation. Thirty years in Hedong and forty years in Hexi. But he still said: What if I don't go? The director smiled wryly and said, "Whether you leave or not, I will be the director until the end."After this county committee meeting, you may not be able to find the original "Educated Youth Office". Zhang Weiping also smiled wryly. The director said helplessly: "Xiao Zhang, you have seen the situation in front of you, you should go back to the city, find a good job before I retire, and start all over again."You are young, everything is still in time.

Zhang Weiping lowered his head, showing another wry smile.The director has already reached the end of his words. His road in the countryside has come to an end. It doesn't matter whether he persists or not.When he first came to the countryside, he wanted to realize his lofty ideals. His ideals were: the sky is high enough for birds to fly, and the sea is wide enough for fishes to leap.At that time, in his eyes, the sky in the countryside was blue and the land was vast.Now everything has changed drastically.The sky is still the same, the earth is still the same, but people are not the same.

Sure enough, after that county party committee meeting, the leadership team from the county to the commune changed.The county party committee used to stand aside The old secretary returned to work, and the commune made adjustments.Zhang Weiping was adjusted to be a general cadre. He did not have a clear position for the time being, but he was only asked to cooperate with the women's director in the family planning work of the whole commune.For example, distributing "condoms", "upper rings", "lower rings", "ligatures" and so on. Everything in reality is quite different from Zhang Weiping's ideal.There is no room for him in the countryside anymore.At the same time, Zhang Weiping has also matured in the more than eight years of life in the countryside. He is no longer the little boy who wanted to go to Vietnam to fight in the war eight years ago, he is an adult.He still has ideals in his arms, but he is much more pragmatic than before.Zhang Weiping, who grew up in reality, realized that he would have no way out in his life in the countryside.Let alone ideals, he is not sure whether the family planning job he is currently in charge of can be kept. Zhang Weiping, the former rooted pacesetter, decided to return to the city. Just as he came quietly, this time he went back to the city quietly.When he went through the procedures for returning to the city, he didn't encounter any resistance. The letter that should be opened, the handover that should be handed over, everything is over. Before leaving the countryside, he went back to Fangmagou, which was his father's hometown and his second hometown.During his eight years of rural life, he spent most of his time here, leaving imprints of his youth and love here.Standing by the side of the Xida River, watching the slowly passing water in the river, he shed two lines of silent tears. A bus bound for the city was coming, he waved his hand, and the long-distance bus stopped for a while.Zhang Weiping got on the bus without looking back, and the bus drove away.When Zhang Weiping came to the countryside, he wore a brand new military uniform, but now he just left in an old military uniform that was washed white. Arriving at the county seat and then at the provincial capital, Zhang Weiping once again blended into the crowd of the city.His demeanor and dress were already out of harmony with the atmosphere of the city. When Zhang Weiping walked into the compound of the military region, he was stopped by the guards. He said to the guard: I want to go home, this is my home. The guard felt that Zhang Weiping was unfamiliar at first glance, and he couldn't produce anything to prove his identity.But he gave his home phone number. The guards dutifully called Deputy Commander Zhang's home. The guard said: Chief, there is a man named Zhang Weiping at the door, is that your family? The answer is yes, Zhang Weiping passed the gate smoothly and walked to his home.During these eight years, he came back several times, but his mentality was different at that time. He was just a passerby, coming and leaving in a hurry.It was different now, he would not leave when he came back, this was his home again.Childhood memories came back vaguely, the houses were still those houses, including those tall trees, and the potholes on the road that were run over by cars, they were still the same as before.This is the home where he was born and raised.His eyes were wet, and he carried his luggage on his back, like a wanderer who has been away for a long time, and came back after wandering around. Deputy Commander Zhang's family was having dinner. When he came back, his mother brought him an extra pair of bowls and chopsticks at the table.Deputy Commander Zhang was steadfastly drinking two taels of "little shochu" every night. Deputy Commander Zhang was very calm about his son's departure and return. Back then, he asked his secretary to escort his son back to his hometown. This time, his son came back by himself.He silently pushed the wine in his glass to his son, who drank it up with his head raised.Then say: Dad, I'm back. The father didn't speak, but looked at his son, scrutinized and appraised him.When the son left, his mouth was clean, and now the son has a beard growing on his mouth.Father seemed satisfied and filled his glass again.The son didn't say much, just drank it, and drank three cups in one breath. Finally, the father took back the cup and said, "Wei Ping, you have grown up, don't worry about me anymore, you know how to go in the future."Your eight years in the countryside have not been in vain. As soon as Zhang Weiping mentioned the village, his eyes became wet again. He was afraid that his father and mother would see his eyes, so he hurriedly lowered his head and buried his face in the bowl. The father also said: Boy, you will have to walk the future on your own. If you are a wimp, I will support you; if you are a man, you will support me in the future. When Zhang Weiping raised his head, he saw that his father's sideburns were covered with white hair.