Chapter 38 Part III.2.2

The office door was closed again, and it was only then that she realized that the person just now was Hu Bingchen, and only then did she feel the pain in her five fingers, as if they were pinched together.The points are inseparable.I don't know how much strength Hu Bingchen used, and I really can't see that the short and thin Hu Bingchen has such great strength.Since then, there have been no days of rest, and every day there is a feeling of sinking and falling, which has no reason and cannot be contained. Of course Hu Bingchen knew that Wu Wei had withdrawn to Beijing with the cadre school. Although they entered and exited through the same gate every day, it was the same as the sky.

Even if he ran into her at the gate, he had no reason to jump out of the special car in full view, just to meet her and say, "Comrade Wu Wei, long time no see." Count how long you haven't seen her. What should I say to her then? Hu Bingchen felt that he was so boring. He wouldn't jump out of the car at all.Since he won't jump out of the car, why bother to think about what to say when he sees her? Whenever I see documents related to Wu Wei's department among the documents sent by the secretary, I am always shocked, and my thoughts will wander away from the pile of complicated affairs in front of me, thinking of those snowy days, The woman throwing snowballs in the field and herself waiting in the snow... Why is it always snowing?

The thoughtful Hu Bingchen suddenly lost his sense of proportion and began to worry about finding a reason to meet Wu Wei. Hu Bingchen, who never fails in anything, lingers in front of this question. The office building has hundreds of rooms, but there are ways to narrow the search.Under the glass panel of the secretary's desk, he saw a list of the floors of the subordinate bureaus. It was easy to find the location of Wu Wei's bureau on the fourth floor, but there were more than 20 rooms. Which one was she in?There is no way to know, and it is inconvenient to ask the secretary for details. The secretary will think, why does a deputy minister inquire about an ordinary subordinate after several levels?Even if he could come up with a reason, it would have to be reported by the director of the bureau she was in, and the director could not be trusted.

In the end, I couldn't help but ran to the fourth floor, pushed open the doors of more than 20 rooms in the bureau where Wu Wei worked, shook hands with every staff member, and said to each staff member: "I know everyone The cadre school is back, come and see comrades, see comrades." This reason is reasonable, but it still makes all the employees of that bureau feel baffled. After running around several offices but not seeing Wu Wei, Hu Bingchen couldn't help himself, and almost called the secretary to check it out for him, thinking, how can the secretary check such a thing?I had to be patient and ran down from office to office, and finally saw her sitting buried in two piles of form books.She has the same short ear-length hair as other women, a Chinese-style double-breasted jacket with floral patterns, the same woman, overjoyed for a while, and then her heart calms down.

I had no choice but to move forward in a detour, first shaking hands with other employees one by one, repeating over and over again: "I heard that comrades have all returned from the cadre school, come and see everyone." There were appreciative smiles on people's faces, but Hu Bingchen's expression did not change immediately. Wu Wei didn't hear it, and dealt with those forms with a sad face.Hu Bingchen felt that it was really absurd for this woman who he had dealt with to "come from Chang'an and return to Chang'an" to be entangled with those registers.

After holding Wu Wei's hand, he couldn't help but increase his strength. Of course, Hu Bingchen wanted her to remember this handshake forever. In his hand, there was a feeling of holding Wu Wei's fingers for a long time, not only the satisfaction of fulfilling his wish, but also adding more hope.I thought I just wanted to see her, but I was really worried that she would forget me.Look at her sad face, isn't she happy to see him again? For this "goodbye", how much thought did he spend?How many hands have you shaken that you don't want to shake? His hand is so easy to hold!

Hu Bingchen walked out of Wu Wei's office quickly, and stood in the corridor in a daze, feeling dazed and abrupt that he had done something wrong, and blamed himself for his impetuousness. As if to punish himself, a more severe expression appeared on his face than before.If he met Wu Wei now, I believe Hu Bingchen would not even look at her. Every moment, Wu Wei wanted to cry for help, but no one could save her.Even walking on the road, she couldn't help clenching her fists and clenching her teeth, as if preparing to resist to the end.But her resistance was in vain, like a dam in a desert or a swamp.Unexpectedly, Hu Bingchen was so hard to hold on to himself, and resumed his homework in the cadre school, always looking for someone who "accidentally" met Wu Wei.

Chance. That day Wu Wei was standing outside the printing machine room, proofreading the documents that had just been taken off the stereotype machine. Although he lowered his head, he felt an uneasy commotion flowing over his body, from head to toe, like water and fire, cold and scorching hot.Now you don't need to look to know; Hu Bingchen is here.She looked up from the document in desperation, and Hu Bingchen was sitting in the car staring at her, his lips were moving constantly, as if he was saying something to her.What are you talking about? He looked terrible, did he also suffer like her?

Wu Weiyu was welded to the ground and could not move immediately.But I can still understand that Hu Bingchen got out of the car, walked towards the office building, and disappeared in the shadow of the porch.Wu Wei didn't continue to proofread the document until his breathing gradually subsided.She was afraid of making mistakes, so she proofread it many times, and did not print it until she felt that she could find no mistakes.But after the workers delivered the printed documents to the office, the director called her in and pointed out that there were several obvious mistakes in the document drafted by her.

Totally ruined! But did Hu Bingchen say anything to her?No.Have you promised anything?No.In order to get a clear answer, she picked up a pen and wrote a letter to Hu Bingchen. And because of that echo, I waited to the end of my life, desperate and desperate. When she got home, she didn't bother to talk, she leaned against the heater and faced the wall, sitting from dusk to dusk, and then from dusk to dawn, maybe tomorrow would bring her some hope. Then came the snowy day again.As soon as it snows, I think of those snowy days, and I have more thoughts. Ye Lianzi said, "Are you sick?" She shook her head.

Ye Lianzi's worried eyes disturbed Wu Wei, so he didn't want to go home for a long time, so he walked alone on the street.Somehow, they knocked on the door of Hu's house, maybe, because it snowed for the two of them again that night. What a surprise! Wu Wei's face was flushed from the wind, and his eyes were abnormally bright. Looking at those eyes, it was the eyes that must have had an accident. Don't talk about Hu Bingchen, any man who doesn't want to cause trouble will shrink back when he sees these eyes. Now that the joke is getting bigger, it's not just a matter of flirting or flirting. It was all caused by too busy in the cadre school. One countermeasure after another quickly passed through Hu Bingchen's mind, he chose one of them, and then, as if he was armed to the teeth, he let Wu Wei in preparedly, so politely that people felt that he was looking forward to this opportunity.It can be said that Hu Bingchen is looking forward to this opportunity. Fortunately, Wu Wei was at home when the letter arrived, but he was still sweating a little.If he was not at home, he would definitely be dismantled by Bai Fan. In that case, it would not be a big problem to have a family without peace, but it would be a big deal to cause trouble to the authorities.Although his colleagues have many records in this regard, he does not allow such a farce to happen to him. Hu Bingchen was very proud of his innocence in his life, not only did he not want to tarnish it, he would not even splash a little mud on it.People like those who become monks and cultivate themselves are about to achieve a positive result. How can Wu Wei ruin his golden body for a woman like him?Such a woman can only play casually, not take it seriously. He will never allow people to listen to his eulogy with a mocking smile at his memorial service in the future, as he often does at other memorial services.Those eulogies are uniformly great and bright, so his great light must be as rich as gold.Moreover, his status is hard-won, he has fought to get to this position with his own ingenuity, even now, how many people on the top of the mountain are coveting this position, wouldn't it be tantamount to committing suicide if he is not careful? The teasing with Wu Wei was just a hint, which can only be understood without any trace.And for such a woman who is so smart and has a tacit heart, it is enough to explain her heart. Taking a comprehensive look at Hu Bingchen's attitude towards Wu Wei, it is really a practice of the eight-character policy of "finding ways to make them take the initiative". No wonder he said in a policy disclosure to Wu Wei many years later: "I never take the initiative when dealing with women." Wu Wei was surprised when he heard this, "How can you get a woman like this?" He thought it strange that Wu Wei was rare, "Find a way to let them take the initiative." After making sure that nothing leaked, Hu Bingchen handed Wu Wei's letter to Gave it to Bai Fan.Objectively speaking, he didn't want to betray Wu Wei, but he was worried that another letter from Wu Wei would fall into Bai Fan's hands, as if he had a criminal record.After reading the letter, Bai Fan threw the letter on the coffee table and asked a substantive question: "What are you going to do?" It turns out that you can't just hand in the letter and you'll be done!He and Bai Fan really meet each other, they will meet good talents. This is the difference between a woman who has had a revolution and a woman who has not.Bai Fan doesn't need his confession, what's the use of confession? "Isn't this researching with you and asking for your opinion?" "Study with me? Ask for my opinion?" Bai Fan took off his glasses and leaned back on the sofa. "Comrade, it mainly depends on your attitude." "Such a trivial matter?" "I'm afraid you still have to show it." Bai Fan thought of Hu Bingchen's old accounts, thinking that it would be so easy to make a deal with her? "This woman's writing is not bad..." "no no." Accidentally stood next to a woman's trap, Hu Bingchen had the feeling of being pinched by two women, so he had to be careful. Or is this just her suspicion?Except for the relationship with his cousin Lvyun, even though he later had a casual relationship with the female secretary and a very material relationship with the nanny, it was nothing like Tuntun this time.Spitting, flickering, fluttering, and his usual decisiveness and even coldness are quite different.Why did she doubt Hu Bingchen? Perhaps it was the unconscious solemnity in his tone, which was very different from the sarcasm he used to talk about women, even when talking to her.Maybe his eyes were a little strange, he glanced at her, as if he was spying on her reaction... Maybe her guess is wrong, Hu Bingchen has always looked at people this way, taking advantage of people's unpreparedness, he swipe extremely coldly and very quickly, like a sniper. Maybe it was mediocrity, but after 1949, their relationship was as stable as the socialist country under the leadership of the Communist Party... Either way, there's no harm in being more vigilant.Hu Bingchen knew exactly what Bai Fan was thinking at this moment, and he also knew that Bai Fan would not easily say, do, or ask for anything, but once it was activated, it would be catastrophic, like an aircraft carrier, with boundless power. Hu Bingchen wasn't afraid of Bai Fan, but he didn't want to make a fool of himself.Who said that only women are fond of chastity archway! He looked up at the "model family" plaque hanging high on the lintel of the living room, and turned his head away as if his eyes were burned.That worthless plaque not only made him despise, but also made him care. Hu Bingchen has long understood the meaning of "model" on various levels.After 1949, didn't he reach a tacit agreement with Bai Fan?Don't blame each other for the past, keep the same general direction, and devote ourselves to the creation of "models" in all aspects. Thinking of this, it was like taking a sedative, Hu Bingchen regained his former limelight, and everything went back to normal. So he told Bai Fan in detail what people said about Wu Wei... Hu Bingchen was always mean, but in his mean narration, Wu Wei became more and more colorful.Finally Hu Bingchen said: "Think about it, how can I get along with this kind of woman who steals someone and raises an illegitimate child? Even if I fool around with a woman, I can't get along with this kind of woman!" Bai Fan's heart was relieved nine out of ten, and Hu Bingchen had to continue to work hard if there was still one out of ten. "Well, there's no need to be polite to this kind of woman, let's write a joint letter to her, you make a draft..." Alas, now that I have such an opening chapter, I have to go down this road.Just like those traitors, as long as they break through a gap, they have to explain everything clearly.How could you think of a traitor?After decades of revolution, he was captured several times by the enemy and nearly died. Hu Bingchen had never betrayed anything, but at this moment, he really felt like a traitor, "Madam Lao, please—" Bai Fan still had one out of ten worries left, so he let go of them all. Now, it's unlikely that the backyard will catch fire.So Hu Bingchen added, "Pay attention to the policy boundaries, and don't let her be too embarrassed and commit suicide." In fact, all mortal bodies with six impure roots have factors that may become traitors. As long as people are guided by their desires, they can be lured for profit and known for harm. I am afraid that not many people can survive it. For example, the revolutionary hero Hu Bingchen, who tortured his life or his women, probably chose the wrong acupuncture points.He is not Li Lin! The letter crisis has not yet passed, and the reply letter has not yet been sent, and Wu Wei came to the door again.Once his own future was endangered, Hu Bingchen's little favor for Wu Wei disappeared immediately.It was at that moment that he decided that he must give her some strength.As soon as Wu Wei entered, Bai Fan got up and walked out of the living room. Hu Bingchen grabbed Bai Fan's arm, pushed her to sit beside him, and leaned extremely close. They have lived together for decades, except on the bed, they have never been so tight under the bed. "Okay, Comrade Wu Wei, you came just in time, I wanted to talk to you..." Hu Bingchen looked serious.Looking at the situation in front of him, someone as dull as Wu Wei immediately understood what Hu Bingchen wanted to do, and what definite answer he wanted!How can you be humiliated face to face?Pick up the coat and go outside.But Hu Bingchen rushed to the door and blocked Wu Wei's way, no, he couldn't let go of this opportunity, especially in front of Bai Fan, he had to make a statement to make Wu Wei and Bai Fan completely give up. Hu Bingchen leaned hard against the door panel, Wu Wei pulled the door handle hard, and said vaguely: "Please...don't...please..." During this long stalemate, Hu Bingchen suddenly caught a glimpse of the tears in Wu Wei's eyes, his heart softened, and Wu Wei took the door away. Another snowflake is as big as a mat! But this snowflake is not that snowflake.Where else is there a Hu Bingchen standing in the snow leaning against a tree in the dark sky, the indistinct flying snow, like smoke like a dream? It was the snowflakes in early spring. The snowflakes were falling and melting, and the hair was wetly pasted on the forehead, feeling cool... The snowflakes fell on the face, but it was as scorching as sparks. Going to the right, there is a sea of ​​flames on the right; walking to the left, there is a sea of ​​flames on the left, as if encountering the fire in Liuzhou again when I was a child.Her padded coat, padded jacket, underwear, and underpants were all burned... until the skin was burned, leaving only a set of bones, exposed naked in broad daylight.Not to mention a piece of clothing, not even a layer of covering skin was left for her.Her legs were too weak to walk, so she had to lean on a tree outside Hu's house, just like Hu Bingchen leaned on a tree outside her workshop back then.There are trees on the street one after another, why did they choose the one closest to Hu's house?Wu Wei wanted to face up to this shame and settle a settlement with himself instead of with Hu Bingchen.When their lovers finally got married, Hu Bingchen said to Wu Wei: "I kicked you out for a long time that night because I couldn't worry about you..." He didn't understand why Wu Wei was not moved but looked at it strangely after hearing this. with him.Because Wu Wei stood leaning on the tree outside his house for a long time, he is the most qualified to know the truth of this statement. How long? I saw the lights on the windows of every house go out one by one. She has to go home.As soon as she entered the house, Chanyue saw her face and hugged her in her arms, "Mom—Mom—" Did she say something?No.Did she cry?No.Before entering the house, she had stopped sobbing and returned to normal. Chanyue's arms were very thin, but very powerful. At that moment, Wu Wei felt that he and Chanyue had changed places.She put her skinny face on Zenyue's hot little face, like a hot towel after crying bitterly, or a layer of badger seed oil after a burn. So she buried her face deeply into Chanyue's shoulder socket, and the tears flowed happily at this moment. "Oh, Mom—Mom—" Chanyue patted her back with her small hands, but didn't ask or say anything. Soon Wu Wei received the letter jointly written by Hu Bingchen and his wife—Comrade Wu Wei: We (Lao Hu and I) have studied your letter seriously and with concern. Attitude points out that such feelings are not only abnormal but fruitless, and fervently urges you to face reality. Comrade Bai Fan and Wu Wei: You have created an illusory artistic conception, and you have played a sentimental role in it, and you are addicted to it and can't get out.This is a bourgeois emotional game, not a proletarian ideology, and you don't even think about how dangerous it is.I'm going to pour a big bucket of cold water on you, just talk about it once, and don't write any more letters. On the top of Hu Bingchen's letter paper, there is also Hu Bingchen's eyebrow criticism: Positive education, but also restraint, let her step down, don't have accidents, lesbians are prone to accidents. It's foolproof! Even if Wu Wei hanged himself and wiped his neck, it was Bai Fan's fault and had nothing to do with him. Judging from this letter, the victim, Bai Fan, is much gentler and more generous than the perpetrator, Hu Bingchen.In contrast, Hu Bingchen's subordinates are not only ruthless, but also blame others. 8 For a year, Wu Wei kept his eyes open and closed his eyes on this letter, and he couldn't figure out whether the Hu Bingchen who was in the cadre school and the Hu Bingchen who wrote this letter were the same person. Except for the daughter and mother, everything is in a trance, and even I am living in a trance. After recovering from the shock of this letter, I suddenly realized that I had to change my position, that I had to struggle out from under thousands of feet.Suddenly it became clear that all the efforts of Chanyue and her mother were trying to break free from the shadow of her notoriety.She is so sorry for Chanyue and her mother.But it doesn't matter if you want to rely on or not, if you need capital or not, it doesn't matter if you want to be related...there are no necessary conditions to climb out of the bottom of this society, and you are really bare-handed.How easy is it to fight against thousands of feet on your body with your bare hands? For a long time, Wu Wei felt that he was wishful thinking, but when he thought of the letter from Hu Bingchen and his wife, he had to do it; When I think of people's faces, I have to do it if I can't do it; When I think of my mother's never having a comfortable day in her life, she has to do it if she can't; Thinking of the humiliation that the innocent mother and daughter had to endure because of her fault, she had to do whatever she could... Zenyue had to be alone since she was a child. Although she fell in love with this kind of living state later, it was a last resort to maintain her dignity at the beginning.There is almost no interaction with the children in the compound, maybe only ants are Zenyue's playmates. -She often squats in a corner of the yard, watching those ants fight, move, and work for a long time... But, maybe at any time, a foot for no reason will brutally step on the castle that Zenyue built for the ants Flat and kicked loose, some of those feet are bigger than Zenyue's, and some are smaller than Zenyue's. For these bullying, Chanyue often adopts a tolerant attitude, keeps silent, walks away, and never tells Wu Wei these sufferings, as if she knows Wu Wei's embarrassing and embarrassing situation, and does not want to embarrass Wu Wei More embarrassment.Shan Yue was very young at that time, so how did she understand Wu Wei's difficulties?Unlike Wu Wei who talked about everything later, he became an omniscient friend who knew everything about Wu Wei. Only once, Chanyue was squeezed into a corner by children in the compound, humiliating and forcing her to ask why she didn't have a father.She got anxious and slapped a boy?Only by slapping him can he escape.This is tantamount to the rebellion of lowly slaves. All the children who besieged Chanyue were thrown into Wu Wei's house, and ordered her to punish Chanyue severely.At that time, not to mention the adults, even the children in the compound could yell at Wu Wei. As for Wu Wei, not to mention the adults, even the children in the compound are timid, not to mention trying to make things right for his daughter under their blatant accusations.As Chanyue's mother, Chanyue's only reliance at this time, Wu Wei should have held Chanyue in his arms and bravely resisted the destruction and humiliation for Chanyue that was born by her, but she not only did not comfort Chanyue. Yue, instead of upholding justice for Chanyue, instead perfunctory in front of those children who bullied Chanyue: "Okay, I will beat her later." Thinking it was just perfunctory, but not thinking for Chanyue, this kind of perfunctory How much damage to Zen Moon. She was afraid, afraid that those children would be like their parents, ruthless, and scold her embarrassing words on the spot. Since she did the "immoral" thing, she didn't have the courage to bear the insult of the world. Instead, she pushed her daughter Chanyue to the front to defend her from possible random arrows. No matter how many times she has been bullied, no matter how much she has been bullied, Zenyue has never shed tears, but at this moment, tears are pouring out.Wu Wei never dared to forget this incident.Many years later, Wu Wei mentioned it to Chanyue again and again, but Chanyue said that she didn't remember. Did you really forget, Zen Moon? This deep love, Wu Wei will not let go even if he is under the nine springs. The question is, can Chanyue's deep love for her be reciprocated just by never forgetting it? Wu Wei couldn't estimate the harm those bullying caused to Chanyue. Fortunately, Chanyue was a strong child, and finally stabilized the overall situation.It was Ye Lianzi who replaced the cowardly Wu Wei and assumed the responsibility of the family guard.Whenever Shanyue was bullied to the point of being unbearable, Ye Lianzi always stood up bravely to argue for reasons, stopped the leading child who bullied Shanyue, and said: "You are still an excellent young pioneer at school, but you behave like this at home! If you bully others again, I will go to school to find your teacher!" In the Ye family, Ye Lianzi and Chanyue are the real warriors, while Wu Wei who brought them shame is a cowardly coward. Fearlessness is something that some people are born with, while others have to work hard to acquire it. Wu Wei finally acquired this kind of character, but how could she erase the footprints that trampled on the heart made of the flesh and blood of Ye Lianzi and Shan Yue?How could she erase those swear words like whips, the whip marks on Ye Lianzi and Zenyue's self-respecting and self-loving faces?Most of the time, it was Ye Lianzi who took Chanyue to hide in a nearby park all day long, lest Chanyue would be bullied in the compound. to this end,.Ye Lianzi is determined not to let Chanyue and the children in the compound go to the same elementary school.She worried that the children in the compound would follow their father.The "scandal" about Wu Wei that she got from her mother spread to the school, so that Chanyue would no longer have a corner where she could stretch her care, so she resolutely sent Shanyue to an elementary school in the suburbs.The road leading to the elementary school was very desolate and narrow, and only one truck could pass. Those trucks were like unbridled animals, unrestrained. For Zenyue, a first-grade elementary school student, it was really dangerous.Morning and night, no matter winter or summer, the old figure of Ye Lianzi clung to the trunk of the roadside, staggering on the road with dead vines, old trees and dark crows, picking up and guarding her little granddaughter.Ye Lianzi, who is familiar with the poems and songs of "Three Lis", will not miss something while walking on this road.For example, under the tree trunk, in the safe area that is so narrow that only one person can walk, isn't the generosity given to Ye Lianzi much more than that of the world? At that time, Wu Wei worried about slippery roads whenever it rained or snowed. Such days, year after year.Inadvertently, Ye Lianzi changed their status in people's minds. On some occasion, Ye Lianzi suddenly felt that she was tripping. She looked down and found a good brand watch on her toes. She immediately handed it to the nearby police station and went home.A few days later, the police station reported the matter to the neighborhood committee, and only the people in the compound knew that their family still had the virtue of not being ignorant of money. If Ye Lianzi is the first fighting hero of the Ye family to change social status, Zenyue is the second. Not only is she very competitive in her studies, but she also ranks first in her academic performance every year. During the extraordinary period of the "Cultural Revolution", with a mother like Wu Wei and a non-"red five" background, she actually relies on her excellent character and learning that cannot be surpassed by others. He was admitted to a well-known key school, and repeatedly won the first place in various subject competitions in that area with a long history of family education and many college students; later he even won a scholarship from a famous American university, and won Appreciation from professors.They wrote to Wu Wei, praising Chanyue's benevolence, intelligence, ability and hard work... God actually treated Wu very kindly, not only gave her a good mother, but also gave her a good daughter. But how could Wu Wei put the responsibility of being the pillar of support forever on such a pair of old shoulders and such a pair of small shoulders! Shouldn't she have worked hard and risked her life to change their situation? But where is the way? I clearly remember that it was this noon, and I also clearly remember that there was no afternoon nap, so it must not be a dream. A piece of paper and a pen fell in front of Wu Wei, and someone said to her: Write, this is your way out. I hurried to distinguish the voice, but I couldn't hear it clearly, even the piece of paper and the pen were gone. At that moment, Wu Wei felt that he was on her plateau again. That is the same as the original parents! I have never disliked her originality! Her original, once again wrapped her with spotless purity and protected her, making the fright she had received since she was a child in the bright world dissipate without a trace.The starlight and the moon did not dare to make mistakes, and Yuan, who did not dare to shine at will, approached her again with a dark vein that could not distinguish between heaven and earth.She followed the lights embedded in the heavy and dark plain, such as commas, periods, commas, exclamation points, and dashes, and began to read the plain again with twists and turns.Like the end of an a cappella chorus, the night air wandering slowly and dignifiedly over the plateau, just like the melancholy of her youth, will not only permeate the common people who have survived the day and finally rest in peace, but also immerse the suffering in her heart. In its kindness. The forty-year-old her was the same as the ten-year-old, she sighed at her mother for no reason, and then sighed again. It also seems to be lying face up on the Loess Plateau, the wind blows the three mountains, and the white clouds are green. Turning over, recounting the exposed and endless faults around Yuan, I seem to understand that Yuan has never described it, and it only needs to be read carefully.It can't be decorated, it can't be built, it's boundless, it's desolation longer than prehistoric and its soul-stirring mystery and fate is only left for a thousand years.A rare opportunity to read.Whether she can get this opportunity can only depend on her luck.Alas, to understand again what is never known, and because of the never known, the never attainable, and because of the never attainable, there is hopelessness.In the hopeless sinking, in the dull pain of the sinking... the great compassion and compassion that she has been familiar with since she was a child hit her again. What can soothe the sorrow of the wasteland? Who is that, in desperation, to reward her with the mysterious recognition of the ancient, disdainful, and majestic Yuan?But when he was a teenager, he thought it was his recognition of Yuan, how ridiculous it would be! Wu Wei, who has neither a place to retreat nor a place to enter, understands because of Yuan's approval, but Cang Ran... now understands even more that Yuan is more than just a stop for her and Ye Lianzi! Her background is not Yuan! With such a plateau supporting her below, isn't it the thickest foreshadowing? Afterwards, Wu Wei kept reminiscing about it, fearing it was a hallucination. Still, she spread out a piece of paper in front of her—a scrap of paper she picked up from the office wastebasket.At that time, she was so poor that she couldn't even afford to buy manuscript paper. Fortunately, there was a lot of waste paper in the office.When my mother and Zenyue fell asleep, I put the chopping board on the kitchen sink, spread the paper on the chopping board, stood in front of the sink, and started writing stroke by stroke.When I was tired from standing, I sat on the toilet and put the chopping board on my lap. No matter the kitchen or toilet, the lights are very dim, but Wu Wei foolishly can't think of changing a large candle light bulb. He feels that there is a kitchen or toilet without affecting the sleep of mother and daughter, which is very satisfying. But no matter how violent the wind and thunder are, Wu Wei's writing will become calm and stagnant, and he will not only be speechless when he writes, he will not even be able to write words.How many times did Wu Wei throw away his pen, and then sit in the damp toilet, listening to the perpetually leaking water pipes ticking like a leak.Or stand straight in the middle of the kitchen, staring blankly at the scene in the kitchen: the walls splattered with oil and blackened by soot, the pot with the handle missing, the table with a missing leg that had to be replaced by a brick, surrounding the table The dilapidated curtains around, the pickle jars hidden behind the curtains, the leftovers in the bowls on the cabinet that lacked oil and salt, the old glass bottles that replaced the chopstick barrels, and a few pairs of chopsticks with paint peeling off inside... This is the life she can offer her mother and Zenyue.To be honest, these things are not her achievements, but old things that Ye Lianzi has supported for decades.Not only did they bear the humiliation because of her fault, but they also had to live such a poor life with her... Wu Wei went under the cupboard again, and found the ballpoint pen he had thrown away in the cracks between the broken pots and bowls. It cost 12 cents each, with a bamboo stick. There was no pen cheaper than it. She also wrote the title of the novel again, although until Dongfang began to fade, she still didn't write a few words that could be called a novel. After the novel was published, Wu Wei only thought of her mother and Chanyue, those two people who fought bloody battles with her and were dear to her. Looking at the words that have been turned into typefaces, she always feels that it is not true. The mere one hundred yuan manuscript fee actually makes her feel as rich as a millionaire, and she simply does not know how to spend it.Earn it yourself, earn it yourself! Ye Lianzi was even more excited. She understood better than Wu Wei the significance of this incident in changing their social status.In this life, she has come to the end of all hardships, and finally survived the days of being bullied.Even when she was married to Gu Qiushui, Ye Lianzi smiled so clearly, that is the understanding and clarity that can only be gained after the suffering has sharpened her eyes.Success encouraged Wu Wei, not only turned her eyes from the past to the future, but also opened her eyes. After the initial surprise, Wu Wei felt that it was only then that Hu Bingchen was truly let go.Before that, it was just coercion, forcing myself to accept operations again and again, cutting off Hu Bingchen from her body, and eating him alive without anesthesia. Wu Wei finally became a writer in that courtyard, or rather, it was in that courtyard that she got up, stood up, and straightened her back. In that compound, there are their great shame and humiliation, their great joy and hatred, and their memories of fighting hard with blood and tears... 9 After joining hands with Bai Fan to fight against Wu Wei, Hu Bingchen thought that he would never have anything to do with Wu Wei again. But when he saw that name in the newspaper, he knew it was his Wu Wei, not someone else's Wu Wei. Why are you always looking for news about the cultural and art world?It seemed that he knew that sooner or later he would see her information in it.Even if she couldn't find her information, from time to time there was a feeling, as if Wu Wei knew that he would pay attention to this column, so he had the feeling of reading the newspaper with her.Yeah, how could you treat her like that?It's like he and Bai Fan were standing on Wu Wei's left and right sides, he slapped her from the right side, and Bai Fan slapped her from the left side, even so they still refused to give up and even wrote the letter together. letter.This is tantamount to beating her face red and swollen, and peeling off the skin from her face.Now this woman whose face was skinned by them took revenge on them without fighting back. He remembered that night, in front of Wu Wei, how he pretended to hold Bai Fan's hand affectionately, hugged Bai Fan tightly and sat on the sofa opposite Wu Wei, and how he blocked Wu Wei at the door, in front of Bai Fan. Wash yourself.Fortunately, he softened his heart and let Wu Wei go, otherwise he would be even more ashamed today. Ever since I saw that news, the disgust that Wu had felt for visiting that night disappeared in an instant.Wu Wei's value in his heart also seemed to keep increasing. Even the matter of her stealing someone to raise an illegitimate child was too insignificant to mention. Even if she mentioned it, there must be a reason why she never complained to anyone.Hu Bingchen became flustered, and suddenly thought of whether she got married again or had a boyfriend during the years when Wu Wei was "bombed" away?If he has a boyfriend, that man will pursue her even harder in the future, and he must get her. The time suddenly clicked in his ears, and every sound reminded of things that might happen at any time.But he thought confidently that Wu Wei would not be tempted by any man, except him, he dared to say that no man was worthy of her.But he had to do something quickly, quickly, before it was too late. He paced hurriedly in the office, his scattered thoughts gradually collected, and finally devised a careful plan, picked up the phone and said to the switchboard: "Get me to a certain director."Fortunately, a director is here. "Well, I heard that our cadre school has produced a talent..." A certain bureau chief didn't wait for him to finish, and went on to say: "That's right, Wu Wei of our bureau wrote a novel and won a big prize..." When a certain bureau chief talked about Wu Wei, his tone was the same as when he was in the cadre school. Even if Wu Wei was like Dong Cunrui, holding a dynamite bag and sacrificing himself to blow up the enemy's bunker, people would not change their views on her.Her novel writing and winning awards are as contemptuous as her stealing someone to raise an illegitimate child. When colleagues discuss this matter, it is mostly the same.觉得出版社也好，评奖委员会也好，不是中了邪就是和吴为一般乌烟瘴气的狗男女，怎么让这样的女人出了头！那些人越是让吴为出头，他们就越是使劲踩住压在吴为身上的脚，否则她还不得和他们平起子坐？说不定坐得比，他们还高。 “你可不可以告诉她，我想看看她得奖的那篇小说。”胡秉宸当然可以让秘书去找，可这不正是一个与她见面的正当理由？ “哦？好，好，我马上通知她。”某局长觉得这位胡副部长真有点大惊小怪，不过写了篇小说，有什么了不起？又不是被选上人大代表或优秀党员代表。 发现那张条子是在快下班的时候，“优秀作家同志：胡副部长要了解你的创作情况。请你将你的作品送交一份至胡副部长办公室，胡副部长家里的电话是……” 那张条子只看了一半，吴为就感到自己完蛋了，好不了了。这才知道，她的小说，她的奋斗，她的苦难，人们给予她无辜的母亲和女儿的凌辱等等，加起来也挡不住胡秉宸这个小条子。她们辛辛苦苦营筑起来的那道安身立命的围墙，一下子就被这张小条子打得落花流水。一头扑进家里，母亲说：“你怎么了，火烧屁股似的。” 她一面瞟着屋子里的各个角落，一面回答母亲：“没什么。”心里却有些落寞，婷像有谁答应在这屋于里等她，却没有如约来到。潦草吃完饭，便到附近的公园去，公园门口有部公用电话。下起了早春第一场雨，夹带着上个冬天残留的那点细雪，春风杏花，飞雪飞雨，与当年大如席的雪片是无法相提并论了。灯影在地面的水洼里神经质地抖动着，像隐忍着难以隐忍的哭泣、期待和失望。 守电话的工作人员注意地看了看她。她的样子也足够奇怪，好像刚从河里爬出来，该不是跳河寻短见的吧？ 按照字条上留下的电话号码开始拨号。她的脑子突然坏得不行，每拨一个号码，都要查看一下写着电话号码的字条，若在平时，这几个号码根本不够她记忆。拨完号码，就紧握着电话筒，像握着期待了一生的机会。 当电话接通的时候，吴为想起从当年坐在干校的原木上第一次看到胡秉宸，到现在这个电话，差不多十年过去了。她突然感到荒唐，怎么就能把这个根本算不上认识的男人苦苦地等了许久？ 难道在那样的耻辱之后，她还没有把他忘记或怀恨在心？ 她为男人受过的地狱之苦，还不能让她猛醒？还不足以让她止步？ 转过身来，将背靠着放电话机的窗台，目光落进公园的树丛，树丛里有两豆萤绿的光，让她心头一悸。人的还是兽的？ 这时她听见一声石破天惊的轻响，有人拿起了电话筒，接着是一声贴得非常近的问话：“请问是哪一位？”她一惊，将话筒移开，向那话筒望着，好像说话人就在电话筒里或在她的身体里。她等这个声音等了这么多年，现在它来了，把她的身体刺啦一声撕成两瓣，好痛！ “是我。”“我在报纸上看到那个消息，我想是你，一定是的。” "thanks." “你可以来看看我吗？”“当然。” 当然，她无时不在等待着他的一声召唤，她甚至看见自己，摇着尾巴，像一只忠心耿耿的狗，不论主人怎么踢它、踹它，只要一声亲昵的呼唤，或是一个亲切的眼神，都会奋不顾身地向主人奔去。 夜很黑，她在那一排排极其相似的小洋房前徘徊，敲错一家门之后才找到她要找的那个号码。她的手指，被乍暖还寒的春雨以及晚冬的残雪交相揉搓得冷硬冷硬，当它们在镶花木条的玻璃上敲出第一响时，简直不像人手敲出的声音，忽然吓得想要扭头就跑。可是，“你可以来看看我吗？”含着恳求，是恳求她的原谅，还是恳求她？ 吴为就这样站在了胡秉宸的面前，像一只被淋湿的狗。 当了作家的吴为竟不如干校时挥洒自如，可见一个人的心里有了鬼，跟着也就失去了自由。 趁吴为还在喘息的瞬间，胡秉宸很快将她全身打量得一清二楚。 淋湿的棉袄上散发着湿毛皮的气味，从这气味可以想像得到，吴为没有条件每天洗澡、洗头，换她的内衣或外衣。 像个读中学的女学生那样含羞地望着他。两只脚藏在椅子底下，饱浸雨水的鞋，弄湿了地毯。那是一双手制的，又为了耐穿钉了胶掌的布鞋，在她的脚上寒碜朴拙得可怜。脚很小，不像她那样身高的女人的脚。深色的袜子紧绷在脚面上，肉乎乎的，比她身上哪个部位都性感。其实他早就看过她的脚，夏天，在于校，吴为穿着短衣短裤，赤脚在地里干活的情景，甚至和她肩并肩地割过稻子，那时他根本就没注意到她还有这么一双性感的脚。胡秉宸站起身来，在地板上踱来踱去，这样可以比坐在对面更好地观察吴为，“妈妈好吗？” "Okay, thank you." “女儿好吗？”“好，谢谢。”吴为始终低着头，盯着自己交叉在一起的那双手，这使胡秉宸可以从容打量她。她的双颊泛红，鼻尖有汗，时不时用手指擦擦眼睛，好像眼睛里有什么东西影响她看清楚眼前的一切。 没有手绢吗？还是手绢不干净？ 他们谁都设有提起她的那篇小说，其实那篇小说很幼稚，像眼前的她一样，女学生似的，问一句，答一句。如果不是他来引导这场谈话，局面可能就很尴尬，她怎么不抬头看看他呢，傻女人？“我不知道你平时看哪些书，其实民间文学也有很丰富的内容。”吴为还是低着头。“我这里有一本民间小曲，”他很容易在书架上找到了那本书，让人不得不怀疑那本书早就蓄谋已久地放在那里。翻到他早就选出的一页，“你要不要看看呢？”没等吴为回答，就把翻开的书递给了她。 吴为接过那本书，心不在焉地浏览着。她现在哪里有心思看书？但既然胡秉宸要她看，也就只好翻看下去。一看就皱了眉头，都是情哥哥、蜜姐姐、好妹妹什么的，还有许多不堪人目的调情，实在黄得不得了。从小到大，吴为也没读过这样的书，便翻看一下封面，原来是一九四九年以前出版的旧书，然后就把书放在一旁的茶几上。 “你觉得怎么样？”胡秉宸问。她不能说好也不能说不好，只好模棱两可地笑笑，像猛然到了异国他乡，又被当做上宾款待，品尝了一道显贵而又不习惯的菜肴。 怎么又像几年前，对她说“带水枪的女工”那样毫无反应？显然不是淡漠，也不是故作姿态，是真正没有理解他的用意。 坐着，坐着，吴为突然没头没脑地问了一句：“您爱人呢？”。 胡秉宸一愣，“哦，她出差了。” 两人同时有了些尴尬，而且他清清楚楚感到了她的尴尬，她也清清楚楚地感到了他的尴尬，也同时意识到从这句问话开始，他们的关系有了一个关键性的转折。他忙慌慌地高谈阔论，天上地下，滔滔不绝，生怕有个停顿，那又怕又期望、不甚明了又很明了的东西就会迅速蔓延开来，以致把他淹没。 “百乐门”之后，胡秉宸再也没有为女人失控过，始终像个老练的司机，驾驶着一辆得心应手的“老爷车”，在险情丛生的路面上游刃有余地穿行着。即便现在，也是自信地驾驶着那辆“老爷车”。 “我想和你谈谈……”“不，请您什么也别说。”“我还是要说说。”“您千万别说……”“……将近十年，之所以这样，是因为我不愿意你为我牺牲什么，不愿意耽误你的青春，因为这是没有结果的事情……” 吴为的眉头皱了起来，显然从这句话里，又嗅到了胡秉宸对“责任”一推六二五的陋习。 难道她想要过一个结果吗？结果都是胡秉宸闹腾出来的。 “看过《你到底要什么》那本书吗？” "Seen." “当我看到那一段时候，我想：千万不要让她看见这本书。” “您是说，伊娅该不该爱上那个人……” “记得在干校，有一次看电影，黑暗中不知怎么发现你就在我旁边，我坐了一会儿，不知道为什么很不好意思地走了……希望你有时能给我打个电话。” “我不会给您打电话的。您大概不知道，我爱惜您比爱惜我自己多得多。” “朋友多吗？”“……女儿是我惟一的朋友。”“那么我呢？”是不是太快了？吴为不觉得自己是个慢节奏的人，但现在这个节奏却快得让她措手不及。 不但胡秉宸的快节奏让她吃惊，而后又很快发现自己突然身价倍增。 “看过《带叭儿狗的女人》吗？看过吗？看过《车队》那个电影吗？对女主角的印象怎么样？”“没大注意，男主角倒是很有个性。” “总是这样，男人注意女人，女人注意男人。那个女主角并不漂亮，却很有风度。知道吗，你给我最深刻的印象是勇气和真诚？……好几次我从你家门口经过……以为能够看到你，结果没有看到——怎么办呢？听其自然吧，简直不卸道会怎么样，一定会闹出笑话来的，大笑话！越陷越深了，而且，坏事，我要吃醋了。” 可是二十多分钟前，胡秉宸还在说：“……之所以这样，是因为我不愿意你为我牺牲什么，不愿意耽误你的青春，因为这是没有结果的事情……” 倒让吴为想起刚才谈到的那本书的书名《你到底要什么》？ ! 尽管吴为很想坐在这间暖和的客厅里，听胡秉宸无休止地说下去——他说什么并不重要，她甚至不记得他说过什么，有声无声的春雨和他的谈话声混成了一片，她只想在这声浪里摇曳；但她牢记几年前的教训，还是从那舒适的摇曳中爬了出来，按原计划坐够一小时就起身告辞：“胡副部长，已经很晚了，我该走了。”胡秉宸的谈话停在了半空……“现在你是作家了，将来免不了要给人签名什么的，”他尽量说得戏谑而轻松，“我有支签名笔，是出国时洋人送的，一直放在那里没有用，现在送给你算是物尽其用吧。你愿意跟我一起上楼去看看我的书房吗？”说罢自己就意识到这是在找借口，哪怕将她再多留几分钟。领她上楼的时候，有一种虚幻的感觉，好像领着一个稀里糊涂的“孩子妻”。女人嘛，顶好是稀里糊涂的，她们的可爱之处也正是在这里，哪怕因为她们的稀里糊涂出了上千个足以让你跳脚的错，以证明男人的不稀里糊涂。对一个成熟的男人来说，男女间的乐趣之一就是领着一个稀里糊涂的女人过日子。白帆就是太清楚了，如果丈夫清楚，妻子也清楚，那日子就清楚得没了意思，当然也不能全是稀里糊涂，而是不十分清楚才好。 这只能说胡秉宸对吴为还不了解。糊涂的定义本就千差万别，吴为又与他这个公式满拧，他十分清楚的吴为十分不清楚，他不清楚的吴为又十分清楚。不像他和白帆，他十分清楚的白帆也十分清楚，他不清楚的白帆也十分不清楚。 吴为局促地站在书房门口，不知应该坐下还是继续站着，只好翻翻书架上的书。 更没有在他那张单人床上留下目光，或马上意会他和白帆并不同房，随之再意味深长地看他一眼，而是像梦游人那样，有种被意外弄得恍恍惚惚的傻相。胡秉宸在抽屉里怎么找也找不到那支笔，原来笔就在手里捏着。他同时想，除白帆之外，吴为是第一个走进这个纯属他个人空间的女人。吴为没有说“谢谢”，接过那支笔就揣进了口袋。她的手，在口袋里紧攥着那支笔，不管是洋人送的或不是洋人送的，不管它金贵或不金贵，哪怕是一支如她常用的一角二分钱的圆珠笔，她也会这样珍爱地捏着。毕竟这是从胡秉宸身边来的第一件可以摸得着的东西。 “恐怕路上不安全，我还是送你回去吧。”胡秉宸连想也没想就领着她往前走。 他们在没有抽条发芽的树下走着，那时的夜还很清寂，行人车辆不多，好像整个城市就剩下他们两个。也许因为刚才说得太多，也许他又反省起来，直到分手再没有一句话。 10 日子又像以前一样平淡无奇地过下去了。那个下着雨和雪的夜晚，足够吴为回想一生。如果她还有什么奢望的话，就是要写得更好、更多，以回报胡秉宸给她的这个夜晚。 可是胡秉宸不让吴为安静地写，安静地活。 逢到召开全部职工大会，他就在一排挨一排的座位上，寻找她那张并不美丽、毫无特色的脸。 大会休息时，他不在休息室里与部长们高谈阔论，而是跑到台下，在下属中穿来穿去，一旦瞥见她的身影就会停下与距她很近的某个职员寒暄几句，一旦从眼睛的余光看到她被雷电击中的样子并向他这边痴痴地望着的时候；便匆匆走开。 或在大庭广众之前，克伤大雅地拦住吴为，说几句关于她创作的话。即便部里职工看见他和吴为谈话，作为领导，关心一下她的创作也是应该的。吴为远远地、暗暗地抗拒着胡秉宸设下的陷阱，也抗拒着自己。可是她怎么能抗得过胡秉宸？有时写封短信给吴为，她闹不清要不要回信——如果不回信，他就会在家门外等她；如果回他一封信，说不定就会惹上一通教训，口气之冷与若干年前他们夫妻二人联手写给她的那封信大体相同，只不过是他一个人的签名。 吴为好不容易得到两张的戏票，打电话请他去看，却得到这样一封回信——不要再打电话来，也不要再这样写信，不论你怎么“亲启”、“内详”都是一样。I receive several letters every day, some of which are personally received by "adults", and they are also handled according to official document procedures.至于电话，参加听的人至少有一打，还不算那一头的，徒然增加许多麻烦。如果要我办什么事，可以写信到家里，还要对家中人间好。So the first thing is don't call and write like that. 你那个火车站的主题，我看有些像十九世纪的东西，什么“传宗接代”！It's all about the nineteenth century, which is far away from us.What "unification theory" is there!Gone irretrievably in many places.In our place, it will also become a historical relic within 20 to 30 years.那些电影喽、小说喽，只在人们怀旧时才去看看，读读。The old ladies sighed and said that their voices are not as good as they used to be.In real life, it will soon cease to exist. There is no way to do it. History is merciless. 当然，无论如何，我们还处在变革的时代，各种胃口的人都有，所以祝你成功。 她又没在电话里说什么，再说他们之间有过什么，又有什么可说！这一通无名之火从何而来？这一通“如果要我办什么事，可以写信到家里，还要对家中人问好”的维权运动，又让她想起“胡秉宸白帆联手战吴为”的那个雪夜…… 吴为真正不懂了，胡秉宸想干什么？好像一个游手好闲的人，在笼外吊着一块食物，撩逗着一只笼中的饿兽。原来自己不过是只关在笼里，无法逃遁、供人消遣的兽。 原来又被胡秉宸玩儿了一把。她开始怀疑胡秉宸的人格，反抗在心里滋生。 哐当一声，把自己锁进黑暗的角落，敛起被胡秉宸撕得支离破碎的自尊和脸面，再一块块拼凑起来；又用这个实际上无法完好如初的自尊、脸面，把自己严严实实罩了起来。没人能够知道，吴为是如何修补这个脸面、这个自尊的，就是胡秉宸也永远不会知道。 收拾好自己这堆破烂垃圾，又从这堆破烂垃圾中摇摇晃晃地站了起来，无论胡秉宸怎样花样翻新，也不再理睬他。 她回到只要努力就永远不会抛弃她的文学。她付出多少，文学就实实在在回应她多少，永远不会耍弄她。 这不也是对胡秉宸最好、最有力的报复？ 胡秉宸非常失落，何曾有女人这样对待过他？向来是要哪个女人，哪个女人还不像得到皇上宠幸那样受宠若惊？ 罢，不就是个女人！也就停止了与女人的游戏。 那天翻着翻着报纸，吴为的名字又闯进了眼睛，胡秉宸无望地扔下报纸，明明白白知道，事情变得糟糕起来。站起身来，走到窗前，在窗前站了很久，已是青草铺满院落，玫瑰含苞待放的暮春时分，离那个春风杏花、飞雪飞雨的日子已经很远了。突然听见白帆在他身后说：“噢，吴为，是那个吴为吗？” 胡秉宸没有回答，听着她把报纸翻得哗哗有声，有一种吴为被她捏在手里揉来揉去的感觉。 白帆只是随便一问，没有再往那个名字上看第二眼，“想想也不会是她，她那个名字是上得了报纸的名字吗？”除了胡秉宸和组织部门，没有一个人能看出这个张口党的政策、闭口党的政策，连脸都长得像贞节牌坊那么方正的女人也曾风流过，用她说吴为的话是“浪过”。 吴为真是白帆一块再合适不过的垫脚石。 当胡秉宸这样忿忿想着的时候，完全忘记了“信件危机”时为了洗清自己，正是他对白帆这样说到吴为：“那真是个浪娘儿们！”真是“今夕何夕”！ 正像他和吴为结婚后，亲戚向吴为反映她出国访问期间，胡秉宸并没有归还他们结婚初期借用的住房，而是与杜亚莉，或芙蓉与她的情人，在他们借住过的房间里同出同进，被居委会反映到房主亲戚那里，“……居民群众对这两对男女在你这套房子里进行的勾当义愤填膺！”胡秉宸也正是这样向吴为解释，他对杜亚莉并没有过什么壮举，“杜亚莉？那是个骚娘儿们，你想，我怎能和这种女人如何如何？即便和女人鬼混也轮木到这种女人头上。” 将报纸翻到第一版，白帆从头条看起，一字不落地看到最后一条，“老胡，你看，关于……的提法，这里有了变化……”一抬头，胡秉宸已不在屋里。最近他有些怪，本来话就不多，现在更少，又总是很烦躁的样子。借题发挥是胡秉宸的强项。晚餐桌上，当着一家子人，胡秉宸把一枚鸡蛋放在了月子期间的儿媳面前，显然窝藏祸心地说：“同志，这是你的鸡蛋。”当惟独一枚鸡蛋，仅仅放在一个人面前时，这个鸡蛋的滋味是不是很特别？ 白帆就想到鸡蛋后面的许多事情，心里一缩。杨白泉是不是胡秉宸的儿子不好说，可毕竟是她的儿子，就接着说：“这个鸡蛋可不好咽。” 儿媳妇脸上掠过一个深刻的微笑。 睡前胡秉宸又在洗澡间大发脾气：“我希望你们洗完澡之后，都顺便把洗澡盆擦洗干净，每次都是我擦，我又不是你们的保姆！”“你老是这儿擦擦、那儿擦擦，简直像个小资产阶级。这样擦来擦去也没看见干净到哪儿去。” 白帆没说像“臭老九”。“文化大革命”后不兴说“臭老九”了。 “你就是无产阶级了？”胡秉宸的声音尖了上去，这是他要发脾气的前奏，也是白帆正经到让他受不了的时候，提醒她并不那么正经的把戏。白帆想起了她那位“中统”父亲，虽然这也是胡秉宸“文化大革命”中挨整的原因之一。 他讽刺谁，讽刺她吗？比起他那个官僚资产阶级家庭，她父亲的问题不过是小巫见大巫：“我是不是无产阶级由党组织鉴定。”胡秉宸脸上那讥讽的笑纹更深了。胡秉宸和白帆互相仇恨起来的时候，既不吵也不嚷，而是讲“党话”，不像他后来与吴为的口角那样文化。“党话”是他们的三十六般武艺之一，彼此都很精通，你一招我一式，兵来将挡，水来土掩。旁观人越发觉得这是一个革命家庭，一对革命老夫妻，不是五好家庭又上哪儿找去？ 文化也好，“党话”也好，胡秉宸运用得都很自如。 也许吴为把胡秉宸看得太不堪了，虽然效果上是胡秉宸在捉弄她。 似乎有两个胡秉宸在撕扯着他。过去，即便想与吴为调笑，怀里也揣着足够的轻蔑甚至轻薄；而今却很少想起她的过去，有时想着她的时候竟如想着一个洁白无瑕的女人，那样专情，那样热烈。他觉得自己无可救药地堕落了。 起先胡秉宸还能控制自己，难道除了偷人养私生子的女人，他就找不到一个洁白无瑕的女人吗？Strange. 只会和他研究党的政策，长着一张如贞节牌坊一样方正，的脸的白帆，还有她那块牌坊下掩盖着的事，一想起