Chapter 4 Part 1.3.2

Similar to the case of getting rich by chance, the Ma family won the jackpot at the Wuhan Racecourse, and after making a fortune, they started to run a transshipment company. Perhaps because the Ma Yaohua Transshipment Company has some material conditions in the civilized world, it has attracted young and old officers of the Northeast Army.For example, the floor is covered with waxed wooden floors and the walls are covered with wooden dadoes.There are Chinese and Western style living rooms. In the Chinese style living room, there is a set of Qing Dynasty furniture that can be spliced, worth 100 "Yuan Datou", purchased from a certain official family in Wuhan.There is also a piece of jade set in sandalwood carved with flying dragons, also from a family of fallen officials.A large table is set up in the Western-style living room for banquets, card games or poker.At that time, people from the Western School played poker, while people from the old school played Mahjong.The good poker hand played by Lao Gu may have been practiced here, so that he can make a living with this skill when he is desperate in the future.Upstairs there was a flush toilet that was rare in Wuhan at that time, not to mention in Puqi... So Ma Yaohua Transshipment Company has a great reputation.Master Ma has only one son.Perhaps because the parents always put on a full set of Western-style clothing with sharp edges and corners (even in Puqi Town), the child looked even weaker.For the only heir to the wealth, Master Ma, who doesn't like to eat and drink, and is very closed-minded, spent all his time. For this reason, he did not hesitate to give the piece of jade inlaid in the sandalwood carved with flying dragons to a famous doctor. , but no one could cure Young Master Ma's illness, and he lived so poorly until 1949.The wealthy Mr. and Mrs. Ma ended their life journey as early as 1949 during the land reform movement.Young Master Ma, who is weak, doesn't like to eat and drink, and is very closed, suddenly becomes open and strong.

People often see the huge figure of the rogue proletarian Young Master Ma wandering in the small streets of Puqi Town.If I knew that the Communist Party could cure Young Master Ma's illness, why did Master Ma bother so much?Not only that, but Young Master Ma became a shameless, stealthy, persistent bad guy who starved to death in the winter of 1960. Even though many people starved to death during that period, even though Young Master Ma became As a bad guy who steals food, it is still not easy for people to accept the fact that Young Master Ma, who hated eating and drinking so much when he was young, died of starvation.They felt that anyone could starve to death, but it was not Master Ma's turn to starve to death anyway.

Today's Puqi is beyond recognition.But I have gone through round after round of years and walked into Puqi back then. Going out of the south gate to cross the river by boat, walking in the desolate wilderness on the river bank, telling the rustling reeds that they passed through here to the Houwang Temple for the temple fair sixty years ago... To the west of the foothills of Xianrenguan, you can find the Houwang Temple which is being restored. "Hou Wang Lu Su was born in the last years of the Eastern Han Dynasty. When he was young, he was a friend of Zhou Yu. Later, he trusted Sun Quan and assisted Wang Ye to establish Jinling as his capital, named Dongwu... At the beginning, Xinyi was located on the bank of Xiquan Lake, and Sha County was changed to Puqi, and Liangsi City was built in Bao. Build the Taiping City at Pusou, build the Seven Star Terrace at Nanping, unite with Zhuge Liang of Western Shu to worship the east wind, use the fire to defeat the Cao army of the Northern Wei Dynasty, and win the Battle of Chibi..." I seemed to hear Lao Gu saying this to his mother.

This matter is really a bit strange, why do I always live in a place close to the Three Kingdoms?After all, Lao Gu's sperm should not have landed in Puqi, but why do I always feel that I should be a strong man, but when I landed, I somehow changed into a feminine and lingering daughter. My guess is not without reason, as can be seen from my somewhat manly conduct.Until I got married to Hu Bingchen, I always held the very old-fashioned concept of "hard-bodied" for men. I remember that there was an old mulberry tree at the junction of the two walls in the northwest of the playground of Linggu Village Primary School. I often practiced "flying over the eaves and walls" there under the starlight.The school wall on the base is full of grooves that I kicked out step by step.

It takes almost ten days to wear out a pair of shoes.Those shoes were all stitched and stitched by my mother's small and weak hands.She always waited on me helplessly with the shoes: "Are you wearing the shoes or eating the shoes?" No matter whether she moved it with emotion or with reason, it didn't change the condition of the shoes.Although I haven't learned the skill of "flying over eaves and walls", I don't know if this kind of nonsensical practice that started when I was young has had an unexpected impact on me? Walking, walking, whether it is Chenghuang Street, South Street, or Ma Yaohua Transfer Company, it suddenly solidified before my eyes, like the ancient city of Pompeii dug out from the cooling volcanic magma, with no trace.I saw the mother in her wedding dress, standing in front of the door of Ma Yaohua Transit Company, welcoming and seeing off the people who came to the wedding; The guests...but they couldn't hear anything, and couldn't see anyone else.The west city gate not far from their residence was inevitably demolished, and the old site was a hospital dyed green.The guest house where I stayed was based on the foothills of the Diexiu Mountain outside the west gate, called Jinji Mountain, which should be the place where they picked flowers, caught butterflies, and dug bamboo shoots.

No wonder a gentleman who could open the eyes of the sky said to me in the first seven days after my mother passed away: "Your mother has done everything, she should go. She doesn't have much nostalgia for the world, but she hasn't completely left this world yet." , she still wants to go to the place where she has been before. Now she is walking along a river... very peacefully, very freely walking, no worries. Maybe there is still a little missing for her daughter and granddaughter. But Not much more..." At that time, I thought for a long time, where is there a river worthy of my mother's nostalgia in the place where we lived?The small river outside the home village?Liujiang?Li River?Wei River?Nothing is right, those rivers are all mixed with her tears.

But the first time he saw Lu Shui, he knew immediately that his mother had returned to Lu Shui.In her mother's life, isn't this the place where she can't forget her love the most?Never mind how that person named Gu Qiushui sent her to hell later.To my mother, Lu Shui at that time was not like a line of tears that couldn't stand a line—a line bursting up not because of sadness but because of touch and surprise (how much happiness and joy they would promise her). There are no firm, and therefore not full, soft tears. The reason why she turned me, who was supposed to be a strong man, into a feminine and lingering girl halfway, is hard to say that it has nothing to do with it.

But why does it seem to me that it is a continuous line of dirty, cold tears?Land and water are peaceful.Even if there is a cement bridge and a wooden bridge, the odd piers and piles are scattered and left on the land and water, but they are like incomplete notes on a stave, only some scattered phrases are written, and there is no chapter.In the past, incompleteness may contain more content than completeness, but whether complete or incomplete, it can't disturb anything about Lushui, or maybe they have never disturbed anything about it.These incoherent and unsystematic symbols of today can only suggest something intermittently and fragmentarily to people like me.

The history of bridge piers and bridge piles is not too long.On May 21, 1949, in order to prevent the Chinese People's Liberation Army from chasing and annihilating the southward advance, the KMT blew up the Puqi Railway Bridge and interrupted the traffic on the Guangdong-Han Railway Line.But the Kuomintang failed to stop the Chinese People's Liberation Army's southward pursuit, and the pursuers built another wooden bridge next to the concrete bridge... The wooden bridge of the winner, now only the uneven bridge piles are left, and the concrete piers of the loser, forming these uncoordinated notes.

Only the cold wind and water of the river passing through the piers and piles of the bridge are still calmly singing an old song that has never been cut off since an untraceable long time, without ups and downs, and monotonous. I sat on the bank of the land and water, in the cold wind of the Jiangnan winter, and the pair of piers and piles that accompanied each other, listening to the low and long chants of the land and water.The Ma Yaohua Transport Company where the mother and Lao Gu held their wedding has disappeared.A new railway, which is unnecessary and heart-wrenching, passes through the middle of the transshipment company, only a few tens of meters away from the old railway.

I don't know how much life and blood and sweat people have spent to prove that there is an alternation. Only the timber factory next to the old bridge, opposite the transfer company, is still there.That was the place where General Zhang Xueliang gave a speech in 1936 to fight against Japan and save the country with tears in his eyes. It is said that the audience was all moved by it. When I left, looking back at Lu Shui and Puqi City, which was as old as Lu Shui, my eyes suddenly stripped away those bunkers that were built according to the city or stacked on the city wall—someone put that thing It’s okay to call it a house—restore it to the appearance of Lu Xun’s grain city in the Three Kingdoms era.It really deserves to be the unique stone city in the south of the Yangtze River!On the city walls built of bluestone, occasionally there are bronze-like dignified flowing shadows flashing coldly in the sun. Its solidity not only resists foreign invasion, but also makes it overwhelmed. I lost my mother again, and the secret fantasy of finding her in Puqi was shattered. Back in Beijing, with a high fever that night, I probably met "something" in Puqi Town. Wasn't that a battleground for military strategists in the Three Kingdoms era? The ceiling lights on the front porch and entrance are still from that year.Every bend, every line, and the flower decoration on every small piece of glass all reflect the delicacy and style of old Europe. When I came to the basement where the servants lived, I stroked the old copper handle on the door, knowing that it was still decades ago.My mother and I lived in this house for more than two years. Her young hands and my little hands slipped through this handle countless times... I turned around and went to the toilet in the basement. The toilet was still the same, but it was covered with dirt and stones. ...Turning back, staring at the dim corridor again...I clearly saw the seriously ill mother, in the middle of the night, staggering and supporting the wall of the corridor, and murmured to herself: "I can't be sick." , I have to wash and change the sheets for the second wife tomorrow morning." Go up the second or third floor.Stoves of different styles are scattered in the corridors, and the walls are covered with grease stains produced by those stoves, which are cracked and warped in the smoky, corrosive infiltration.Like a face that has lost its beauty and has to rely on thick makeup to support it, it is desolate and dusty.It reminds me of the second wife, what will happen to her later? Searching under the cracked and warped grease, the original color of the old wall can be vaguely seen. The rafters are also covered with greasy mud, like a brush soaked in ink, ready to settle the drop of ink beans under the exclamation mark at any time.Ah, that is the stairs I never forget! In addition to the fact that the paint cannot withstand the wear and tear of the footsteps, the high-quality oak stairs are still sharp-edged, and the copper strips embedded on the edge of the steps are still shiny, which is extremely inappropriate to maintain the luxury of the past.The wax on these stairs and floors was made inch by inch by a thin mother kneeling on the ground.And I! And I! And I-- Until now, the smell of floor wax seems to linger in the nostrils and refuse to dissipate. I hate these stairs, no, I hate the man who pushed me up them! Up and down the stairs, back and forth on the floor, because of this old acquaintance who has witnessed more than an inch of his mother's sweat, why anyone has ever pitied that thin, prostrate figure, and is infinitely hurt. In this small building designed and constructed by German engineers, these stairs will definitely withstand another sixty years of life and death, ups and downs.Most of the people who lived in it at the time have passed away. I believe that even I can’t survive them. Under the words “That’s the stairs I can’t forget” and “I hate the person who pushed me to this stairs”, no One, but two shocking reminder lines are drawn.I got a copy of the so-called "IOU"— Received a Ford sleeping car transferred from the Yangtze River Department (lack of battery) Da Jin Zhonghua of the Northwest Army (seal) June 8 This old "Ford", which has made great contributions to the Chinese Communist Party and the victory of the Anti-Japanese War, is the special car of General Zhang Xueliang during his stay in the Northwest.How it must have galloped on that famous winter day in Xi'an in 1936! And this piece of paper with twenty-nine characters, less than half a foot long and less than two inches wide, inadvertently revealed the ending it will face after changing hands. Although there is a memorial hall of General Zhang across the street, where can I find such a "Ford"? General Zhang Xueliang's guard battalion has been converted into a middle school, and a building has been built on the foundation of the barracks where we lived in the southeast corner of the yard.On the foundation of Mrs. Zhang Guanying's small courtyard in the northeast corner of the courtyard, a new building was built.Fortunately, there are still three old houses left in the northwest corner of the courtyard. The reed mats on the ceiling are still intact, and the small window on the back wall is still neat. The barracks we lived in were generally like this. Unexpectedly, I came to Hu's old house alone.This is our wish many years ago, to come to this place together after we get married, and to live in Fuchun River for a while... I stood under the dilapidated lintel and looked towards the courtyard of the former home of bells and lanterns. ——The shadows of the trees are blurred, and some flying birds startled from the depths, and I heard the echo of the flapping of the birds' wings; It was already dusk, and the evening wind blew through every defect, ups and downs, unbroken, interspersed with ancient and modern stories, but they didn't say a word to me. ——Who will sign up? Yan is no longer alive, and died of myocardial infarction at the age of fifty-three.My playmate, the little girl with the "childish hair" and the flowered dress of England, just disappeared. The leopard is paralyzed and can only babble at me incomprehensibly. Hu works in a certain department of the Northwest Air Force.Mr. Lu is nearly ninth rank, and apart from the morning robe hung on the bookshelf, there is no trace of living in old England for a long time.Pickle jars all over the floor, tables full of plastic flowers, fake pottery products, piles of aluminum utensils sticking out of the nest... How can I feel the explosive power of Mr. Lu's creation of "Gonghe" back then? There is also a pair of open-toed cotton slippers under the desk.I saw a letter written by Mrs. Lu in 1949, which was treasured by Mr. Lu under the transparent paper of the album.The letter was sent to Mr. Lu in Switzerland. At that time, he was working as a consultant on Far East affairs for the United Nations Refugee Bureau, and his wife went back to China after 1949 first, and mobilized Mr. Lu to come back with all sincerity. "...It's just that there are too many lice in the guest house, and the sheets are not washed every day..." The lice and the unwashed sheets are just incidental. 3 After the not-too-long-to-short days and the conclusion of all kinds of matters, Wu Wei's eyes became dull and dull, as if he had reached the end of a novel, and there would be no more ups and downs in the plot... 4 After Wu Wei's condition worsened, one day Bai Fan guessed from Hu Bingchen's shaving, bathing, and rummaging through fittings that he must be visiting Wu Wei.Bai Fan tried his best to make a joke, "Are you going to see her again?" Hu Bingchen avoided "again" and said solemnly: "He is so ill and has no relatives or reasons, shouldn't I go and have a look?" "Didn't you say that she never took care of your life, so that the old comrades came to me to make peace and agreed to remarry? Now you have no obligation to take care of her." These words sounded a little cheap and good-looking, and Hu Bingchen's face changed a little.In his married life with Wu Wei, even if Wu Wei didn't understand Bai Fan's meticulously planned "instigating rebellion" work, how could he not understand?Now he said he was "making peace" with his old comrades! But he showed embarrassment because he couldn't use the phone, and any word she found unpleasant could be a reason to detain him, so she asked with a wry smile, "Aren't you the most sympathetic person?" Bai Fan really yearned to be the most sympathetic person.Yet such a thing as sympathy, like all noble things, is subject to the bumping and thrashing of materialism. She thought of Hu Bingchen's betrayal and injustice to her one after another throughout his life, especially after he wandered around like this, she not only took him in, but also accommodated him in every way, trying to restore the old good, but he didn't know how to repay her, and now he has returned to his old ways It is even more conscience-stricken to engage in such a deed. While thinking about it like this, she gradually transformed her image in this old dream reliving, forgetting that the reason why she took in Hu Bingchen was different from her infatuation with him when she was young, and it was more to avenge Wu Wei. I also think that if the relationship between Hu Bingchen and Wu Wei revives, not only will the revenge and hatred be unrepented, but people's opinions about her and Wu Wei will be rehabilitated after being rehabilitated. In view of past experience, Bai Fan knew that he could not repeat the same mistakes, and pushed Hu Bingchen to Liangshan again, like last time, but instead pushed Hu Bingchen to Wu Wei. "Then I will go with you." Bai Fan said anxiously.It's not the first time she's faced this kind of situation, and she should be familiar with this rule: a half-hearted man can't be grasped at all, just like the old saying, even if you tie him on your belt, it's no use. Wu Wei understood this later, and he had no choice but to let Hu Bingchen go, but the result of letting go was the accusation of not caring for Hu Bingchen. In short, for a half-hearted man, you have to face two empty fists that make you look wrong. Hu Bingchen not only changed his face a little, but also looked cloudy and stormy, "Do you think it's appropriate to do this?" He asked sharply.Hu Bingchen absolutely cannot tolerate others ignoring his IQ, especially Bai Fan's plan is so incompetent and entangled. Under such momentum, Bai Fan had no choice but to disarm unwillingly.At a time when I didn't know how to raise funds, I suddenly had a stroke of genius, which was considered quick wit—— She took out twenty yuan and handed it to Hu Bingchen, saying, "Okay, then buy me twenty yuan oranges for Wu Wei, but don't forget to tell her that I gave them to her." Seeing Bai Fan's reconciliation gesture, Hu Bingchen also took advantage of the situation to calm down. After all, he still has to go to Wu Wei.After divorcing Wu Wei, I went to Wu Wei's place to relive the old relationship from time to time. This was not the first time and it would not be the last time. When he took the money, he wondered for a moment whether it was from Bai Fan's generosity or gratitude, after all why Wu returned him to her without any conditions.But he immediately dismissed the idea. Listen to what she said! If you only talk about "buy an orange for 20 yuan for Wu Wei", regardless of whether it is true or not, you may get a perfect score; but when it comes to "don't forget to tell her that I gave it to her", it will become a blank paper. ——No matter what the motivation and angle, it is a blank paper. If it wasn't for Wu Wei's serious illness, Hu Bingchen might have ignored this sentence, but now, he read the word "vicious" from Bai Fan's sentence. These twenty yuan oranges were just used to prove her final victory over Wu Wei.Regardless of their remarriage.From the perspective of Wu Wei's current illness and various embarrassments, Wu Wei is their defeat. For Wu Wei, who was seriously ill, an opponent who could no longer be called an opponent, these oranges could hardly be said to be a medicine for tigers and wolves. Bai Fan has indeed made great progress. If she heard that Wu Wei accepted these oranges again, she would definitely feel that the twenty yuan was "well spent" and super value. Hu Bingchen felt that Bai Fan's method of settling accounts was not practical.I have recited many Marxist-Leninist entries throughout my life, but my behavior and affairs have the color of capital-only entering and not exiting. "You want the horse to be good, but you want the horse not to eat grass" is not cheap. If you want to get an outstanding man, you have to be prepared to miss it. As much as you spit out pink powder, you have to worry about this outstanding man. This is also what Hu Bingchen said to Wu Wei many times: "Remember, the man you like is also the man other women like; the man you can fall in love with must also be the man other women fall in love with." For women, love is an act of righteousness in the face of purgatory.Besides, is love that can be stopped by morality counted as love? Wu Wei later fully accepted Hu Bingchen's enlightenment, so I have to say that this is one of the reasons why Wu Wei agreed to divorce. No matter from which aspect, she could no longer bear an outstanding man. She was at the end of her rope, and she couldn't afford to have a good man.Wu Wei looked even more down and out. Hu Bingchen recalled the time when he first met Wu Wei, and it always made him feel like a sophomore female student.Not the first grade, the first grade female students are too young, like a fledgling chicken; way out.The healthy, vibrant, sophomore girl was never to be found again. Hu Bingchen had to trace back when Wu Wei's illness started.Maybe it started from the years of living with him, maybe Shibai and his first love, also unknown. Whether intentional or not, in the hands of him and Bai Fan, Wu Wei is a bit like a dice in their hands, or rather a dice in his hands. But this did not prevent Hu Bingchen from buying oranges with Bai Fan's 20 yuan, and relaying Bai Fan's advice to Wu Wei verbatim. When Wu Wei took the oranges, she was surprised at first, or maybe it was not unexpected at all. Her behavior at that time had gradually become empty, and it took a while before she remembered to add: "Please thank her for me." Good intentions." Then leaned back on the sofa and looked at him blankly.At that moment, Hu Bingchen really wanted to say to Wu Wei: "Don't think she has good intentions." But he could see that no matter Bai Fan's malice or other things, there was nothing he could do to her. I felt that there was a breath of death all over her body, not the death of the body, but the death of the spirit.Even in the early years when their relationship was in the most difficult period, the vitality she never lost was gone now. In fact, Wu Wei's situation was not as serious as Hu Bingchen's imagined. She didn't say anything, just because she felt that Hu Bingchen, Bai Fan, and herself were all to blame.This is indeed Wu Wei's way of thinking about problems, so he does not seek deep understanding, so he sacrifices the basics and seeks the last. Her downfall made Hu Bingchen full of sentimentality, and he couldn't help but say: "Be happy, even if we get divorced, we won't be able to separate...and those daily chores won't bother you anymore, you can concentrate on your work and recuperate... " Wu Wei smiled. Hu Bingchen seemed to be on fire, shrank back, and immediately remembered the many contradictions in their common life that made Wu Wei feel unbearable but not contradictory... Falling in love with a sensitive woman may be like a Nestle brand. Instant coffee is advertised as "delicious", but it is "instant" coffee. Once living together, those women who think too much and are dead-headed become men's disasters.As a woman, Bai Fan is naturally obsessed with horns, but most of her horns are high-end goods. The advantage of high-end goods is that there are rules to follow, and Bai Fan's expressions are relatively straightforward, which Hu Bingchen can understand at a glance.Wu Wei seemed to come and go without a trace, and was still very abstract. How could a man like Hu Bingchen be so abstract? It's better to get a divorce. Wu Wei's smile may be a response, it may be meaningless, it may be absent-minded, it may be empathetic, or even rewarding... Of course, it can't be ruled out that she remembered the day she finished the divorce procedure, and received a call from Hu Bingchen when she got home: "Look, if you say you don't agree to the divorce, it's fine!" "Didn't I say it? Instead of saying it like this now, why didn't you mention the divorce at the beginning? Just before going through the formalities, I entrusted a lawyer to ask you many times whether there is any possibility of our marriage being saved, and you all expressed your determination to divorce." ," Hu Bingchen grinned, "Let's gossip, let's get down to business, you should come with me to our Veteran Cadre Bureau." She asked, "What for?" Hu Bingchen said: "I'm doing it for your own good. People in our Veteran Cadre Bureau said that you abandoned me and felt that I was very pitiful. Actually, I never discussed with Fu Rong or my comrades in arms about the matter of divorcing you. In the drum, it was the staff of our Veteran Cadres Bureau who told Fu Rong and his comrades-in-arms, "Lao Hu is very pitiful now, Wu Wei abandoned him, I hope you will pay more attention to him in the future." So I will take you to the Veteran Cadres Bureau to eliminate After a while, you can say to them, 'I divorced Lao Hu, please help Lao Hu and take care of Lao Hu in the future. comrades. If a person keeps explaining something, there is just something intriguing in it.Hu Bingchen is a cautious person, he may not discuss the divorce plan with others, but even if there is only one person who can discuss it, Fu Rong is definitely the only one, just like discussing many details of the divorce with Bai Fan with her back then. After getting married, Wu Wei finally understands that the most influential person to Hu Bingchen is neither his decades-long comrade-in-arms and comrade Bai Fan, nor himself who he once loved so deeply and put all his eggs in one basket.When going through the divorce procedures, no one asked Hu Bingchen to explain the reason for the divorce, but he repeatedly stated in a strange way: "After the divorce, I plan to live with my daughter and spend my old age peacefully..." It is quite different from his usual cautious words. It seemed like a small ploy to pretend to be false about his divorce purpose.But there is no calculation in the world that can cover everything. "A wise man will make a mistake if he thinks a lot", which is the failure of being too shrewd. She committed the big taboo of the relationship between the monarch and his ministers, which is also the taboo in their married life, like a fool who is always afraid that others will think him a fool, and thinks that he will no longer be a fool in this way. Said proudly: "In an understatement, I put the staff of your Veteran Cadre Bureau in. This is not the public opinion you created... Forget it, let's not talk about it. I won't go, I will never be your pawn again props." Hu Bingchen couldn't see Wu Wei showing off her superficial cleverness the most, so he simply said bluntly: "Then let this be the last time." "From eleven o'clock this morning, I am no longer your wife, and you no longer have the right to order me around. But I feel strange, why do you spread rumors everywhere that I proposed divorce?" "Isn't this saving face for you, lest others say you were abandoned by me, how ugly!" "Bingchen, I don't care whether it sounds good or not, what I care about is 'seeking truth from facts'." Hu Bingchen dropped the phone. With such a heavy mind, two people who are guessing and fighting all day long, it is better to divorce. At the beginning, the consideration of "one mountain cannot accommodate two tigers" was also one of the reasons why Wu Wei hesitated about this marriage, but Hu Bingchen plausibly said: "If it is a male tiger and a female tiger, it will not be a problem." If there were only male and female differences between them, the problem might not be so complicated.Hu Bingchen also overestimated the energy of "sex", thinking that it can not only resolve the contradiction between the sexes, but also resolve the incompatible opposition between the two strong. Who made Hu Bingchen suddenly feel dissatisfied with the functions of the family since ancient times, and actually wanted to turn it into a cultural salon, transforming the originally very simple, very limited relationship between a man and a woman, with a radius of only one bed, into a talk hall? Going back to the time tunnel, picking up the old common ideals, language, temperament, career, struggle and other conditions, as the elements of choosing a spouse... Didn't you expect that a woman with many "commons" is just like yourself to yourself? It's not easy to pass, it's not easy to control? And if he really evolves to calmly accept his absolute authority, his will is the end of history of will, well water will not go back on his word? After they got married, they continued to have differences because of "community", and it became more and more intense.Hu Bingchen then said: "Are you willing to marry a man who takes your opinion on everything? Think about it carefully, you won't like that kind of man without character, you like a real man, like me of." You are right.Wu Wei's overall state, after all, made Hu Bingchen feel sad about the desolation of the world, so the stay at Wu Wei's place far exceeded the time Bai Fan confessed that he could only "look-look".He had to pretend to Bai Fan that he came home late because of the traffic jam on the road.While saying this, he glanced at the driver, as if appealing for the driver's evidence, but Bai Fan smiled bitterly and said: "Your fortune is not shallow, you have a big wife, and a young wife.". Hu Bingchen was taken aback, Bai Fan's statement of "two wives" was very similar to Wu Wei's previous statement.It's like there was a connection between them, but Wu Wei called his concubine a concubine.When Wu Wei was his wife, whenever she received a call from Bai Fan looking for Hu Bingchen, she would always say, "Your eldest wife is calling." He asked with a tiger face: "Then who are you?" Wu Wei said with a playful smile: "I am your concubine." Didn't he enter another cycle? Soon Hu Bingchen discovered that the lock on his desk drawer had been opened, and a large envelope containing a letter from Wu Wei had also been opened. He took out the letters inside, and the order of the carefully arranged letters according to the date was also disrupted, and several letters were even missing. It must have been done by Bai Fan. The disrupted order and the stolen letters illustrate the provocative nature of the act. With Bai Fan's long history of underground work and rich experience in underground work, even if he peeked at these letters, he could restore them to their original appearance, or make copies of them without leaving any traces. How could they steal them? But she doesn't, she doesn't! He questioned Bai Fan: "You stole my drawer, peeked, and stole the letter from Wu Wei, didn't you?" Not only did Bai Fan not feel uneasy at all, he was even a little complacent, and said in relief, "Yes." This sentiment may have come from her feeling of blasphemy about those letters. Is that hate?proud?envy? ...She couldn't explain clearly, but she certainly didn't understand. Those letters burned her hands, burned her heart, and made her recall what she did when Hu Bingchen divorced her. If it weren't for worrying that her new life with Hu Bingchen might cause trouble again, she would have almost thrown the rest of the letters into the stove and burned them. This emotion may come from the reincarnation of history.Hu Bingchen has no reason to get angry with her! If he hadn't forgotten, when they were divorcing, while she was not at home, Hu Bingchen stole the letter that Wu Wei wrote to him in the early years, which was originally entrusted to her.If not, she would definitely put Wu Wei in a situation where she couldn't escape in that lawsuit.Fortunately, there are still two scattered in other places. Although the weight is much different, it also made Wu Wei anxious for a long time. Now that she has obtained Wu Wei's letter again, isn't it "God help me too"? She accepted the lessons of the past, and not only copied a few of them that might be useful, but also kept the originals.Maybe when these letters will play an unexpected role.Although Wu Wei was seriously ill, he was not dead yet. These backup copies are hidden in different places, and even if Hu Bingchen finds one by repeating his old tricks, there are other copies for use: when Hu Bingchen is not at home, she often digs out those letters, reads, analyzes and studies their contents repeatedly. Value, even thoroughly familiar with the heart.Of course, I am also reading and reviewing my own victories.This initiative of holding Wu Wei in her hands and attacking whenever she wanted gave her great confidence and satisfaction.Dear Bingchen: Hello, I received the letter on September 26th, which made me sad. Of course, I also thank you for speaking your heart. This is something I have been looking forward to for a long time. For anyone, the second marriage is quite complicated. In addition, it is not the death of one party, but the second marriage caused by the mutation of emotion, which is beyond our expectation. Human emotions are quite delicate and sensitive, and the balance carrying it is not static. It keeps tilting back and forth with the subtle changes in people's emotions. Remember when I told you that it might be better for us not to marry but to live together.At that time, from your many practices before and after the divorce, I had a vague premonition that the prospect of our marriage was quite difficult.But you didn't agree with me then. Later, I became more and more aware that our marriage is not just about you and me. Most of the forces in it are pulling us in opposite directions, and they are all forces that we cannot resist. It can even be said that we still love it. There is a certain affinity. I'm very sorry for you, although I try my best to fulfill my responsibilities as a wife, but I can't do enough - being busy with writing and going abroad is one aspect, and the above mentioned is the most fundamental reason.Your old colleague once called me: Some people say that Lao Hu is "a group of wives and concubines", and Bai Fan is still his first lady, but he is also a veritable third party. "Hundreds of wives and concubines" can't be talked about, but I always feel that I am a concubine who needs to please everyone around you, and the result is thankless. When I first got married, I really couldn't bear the multilateral relationship between you and Bai Fan and me.I loved you so much then, this multilateral relationship almost drove me crazy.Later, I gradually realized that your original home is the foundation of your life. It is deeply rooted, historical, and human. Only it can give you everything that I will never be able to give you.This is why I tried my best to get you together with Bai Fan later on, and often thought of taking care of her more. There are many defects in our married life, which makes me often think that although I have escaped the punishment of Bai Fan.But did not escape God's punishment.So, life is still fair. 但我感谢此生有这样一次豁了命的爱恋，我从没这样爱过，从没有一个人像你这样让我动情，以至把我一生的两性相悦之情都在这次燃烧光了。至今想起我们那时的恋情，仍然心动不已。 当然我也从没有为另一个人受过这样多、这样深的伤害和折磨，也不曾为另一个人像保护你这样，在多年漫长的时间里，独自承受了来自社会上层，可以说是最具实力的打击，做出过那样大的牺牲……这样的人生经验再也不会有了。和你这样一个痛苦多于幸福的关系，占有了我从三十三岁到五十七岁三分之一的人生。如今我真的希望你能和白帆复婚，和孩子、孙子们在一起，再享受几年如你所说的、一个老年人最需要的天伦之乐，过一个安稳的晚年。不要说你，就是我，还有多少时日？你已经轰轰烈烈地爱过，在生命的黄昏，应该复归宁静。潮起又潮落，原是很自然的规律。 来日苦短，在这生命所剩无多的日子里，更不必在乎他人说长道短，不过要是需要我来承担什么舆论上的责任，以减轻人们或你那些朋友对你的不解，我也甘愿帮忙。 如果需要我写一个什么文件给街道办事处，我也会为你做。这样的话就不必通过法院，手续简单得多。你还有什么要求也尽管讲，我不是一个胡搅蛮缠的人。就是你回到白帆那里，我们的爱也会永远留在我的记忆里。作为一个故事，它仍然是美丽的。 心里尽管忧伤，但人生也像戏剧一样，总是一场接着一场，每个角色也要轮换。 你说的对，谁和我在一起都没法过日子。因此我注定不能有“家”。 亲爱的，纪念我们原来的爱。 Wu Wei 寄自美国亲爱的秉宸： 请原谅我拒绝了你想到机场送我的建议，原因是我很想为你和白帆重建的家园尽一份微薄之力。这也是我为什么不愿你我离婚后，你老是给我打电话的原因。 既然你已经决定回到原来的婚姻里去，就好好地和白帆过日子，再没：有多少时间可以让你白白地折腾自己，还有我，还有白帆的感情了。你要珍惜她给你的这个最后的机会。 同样，我也为你珍惜这个最后的机会，自你提出离婚后，你可从我的一切做法上看出我这番诚意。我明知你和我离婚是为了和白帆复婚，但我并没有“以其人之道还治其人之身”，像她当年那样——诸如拖下去就是不同意离婚，(我有这个年龄上的优势，对不对？)或是闹个丑闻，到法院、新闻舆论界、党组织，控告她是第三者，或是提出什么刁难的要求等等，这也算是我对芙蓉当年帮助我们的一种报答，对白帆当年痛苦的一种补偿吧。你该记得，过去你常对我说：“你是个厚道的人。” 当然从感情上来说，我多么希望和你再见一面，我不知道什么时候才能回到中国，更不知道我们是否还能再见，想到这里我很伤感。直到现在，我还深爱和我恋爱时的你。 在国外接到你要求离婚的信后，多少日夜想像着如何与你重建我们的感情，可是从我们恋爱起到现在，二十七年中千难万险、感情上受过的种种伤害．使我身心俱废，如果没有你的诚意和协助，我是再没有勇气和力量来做这个尝试了。 回国后去街道办事处正式办理手续之前，不但我自己，也请律师多次问你，我们的婚姻有无挽救的可能，你也拒绝了。看来我们今生的情缘已了。只好这样了。 但想到你有一个安定的晚年，毕竟还是为你高兴的。 我又到穆尔河来了，小河从我的脚下温存地流过。你还记得吗，八七年春天我们到这里来过，在小河边拍照留念？……我把照片也带来了。祝生活美满！ Wu Wei 寄自欧洲亲爱的秉宸： 你的信使我热泪长流。 我非常懊悔同意离婚，那是在一种赌气和自尊心作用下的同意。你当时如果态度和善些并给我些时间，听我把这些年的委屈以及造成我精神疾患的原因说一说，不会有今天！你我闹到这个地步，实在是我们性格的悲剧。 多年以前我就对你说过，我是个非常敏感而又感情细腻的人，你又总是那样地多情一对旧日的，还有随时都可碰到的——而不为为你投入了全部生命的我一人所有。让我多么伤心！ 说什么也晚了……吴为 寄自欧洲 胡秉宸气得用手指点着白帆，“白帆，白帆，这些信我原想等我死后，请你还给吴为、可是你像个乡下老娘们儿，像个没文化的家庭妇女那样，偷看、偷拆我封好的信件，没想到你是这样没有风度，没有水平，你怎么干得出来这种事？看来我是所托非人了……你根本不配我的尊重、我的信托！” 白帆反唇相讥道：“你就配我的尊重、我的信任？你和吴为直到现在还偷偷摸摸见面，我要不防范一点儿还了得！” 胡秉宸大吼一声：“你带着小保姆给我回你原来的住处去！” 这一下白帆才噤声不语了。 不过，胡秉宸为什么想要在他死后让白帆把这些信还给吴为？这门心思里又埋伏着什么玄机？ 5 胡秉宸一走，吴为随手就把那些橘子给了开电梯的工人。 她把这看做是一种洁身自好。 她不可能像当年白帆那样，在医院里一面嚼着她给胡秉宸送去的营养晶，一面解恨地说着：“吃，不吃白不吃，反正吴为这婊子、破鞋有的是钱！” 吴为又不肯当着胡秉宸的面这样做。在胡秉宸面前，她给白帆留足了面子，毕竟白帆是他的现任太太。 此外也不能排除吴为那点小计谋，她料定胡秉宸回家之后，面对白帆的审问，不得不点滴不漏地汇报此行的细枝末节。 她的淡然处之，正是这样地把白帆远远留在了永远不能企及、超越的地方。 之后不久，吴为的情况就越来越糟。 算起来，从两岁开始就落在她肩上的种种责任全了结了，真到了她该发疯的时候了。 这本该应在叶莲子头上，但叶莲子没有疯，因为她肩上负有责任；一个有责任感的女人是不会疯的，就像吴为在责任未了之前也不能疯一样。 可是叶莲子把使她致疯的缘由攒了下来，这种积攒就像财富的积攒那样，是可以继承的。 这些缘由历经差不多一个世纪的化解，却一点损耗也没有地传到了吴为头上，加上吴为自己的存货，她就足够地、放心地疯了。 开始，零霾村上的那片蓝天，常常幻化在吴为的眼前。 她对着那蓝天久久地微笑。那是一种无从延伸或演绎的微笑。她也常常看到她的灵魂飞飓起来，在早已不存在的零孤村和早巳不存在的丹阳观外一望尤垠的塬上，追逐着老也追逐不到的叶莲子。 渐渐地，她很平稳地过渡到了能吃、能喝、能活，就是不会说话的状态，不论见了淮，不论回答淮的话，都是一句“妈妈”。 自从她能感知这个世界以来，她说过、写过多少句子？现在她全不知道了，只记住了一个“妈妈”。 她的嘴唇老是不出声地嚅动着，诵经似的。 那是她的魂魄正行走在莽莽大荒之上，边走边将自己一生的罪过，对天，对地，一一陈诉。 可是周遭连个让她可以抵消罪孽的——比如说报应，或讥屑，或辱骂——也没有。莽莽大荒沉默着，不肯舍给她丝毫赎罪的可能，她是不能得到谅解的了，尽管她的一生也是千疮百孔。 一个人，不论犯了多大的罪，只要还能用某种形式赎回他的罪，就还有那种叫做希望、赖以支撑的东西。吴为是连这样的希望也没有了，即便她不疯，还能有什么别的出路？ 所以她并没有完成她一出生就睁着一双黑黝黝的小眼睛，义无反顾地对叶莲子许下的那个愿：妈，我是为您到这个世界上来走一遭的。 人们不得不把吴为送进精神病院。 在精神病院里，折腾了一辈子的吴为再也不折腾了，地的生活也终于安静、平安下来。那是世人只有到了疯狂的地步，才能得到的安静和平安。 疯子是什么？疯子是不再能构成意义。 叶莲子会不会感到吴为有负于她呢？虽然她已不在人世。