Chapter 3 Part 1.3.1

1 A few years ago, there was a city morning that should have been clear but could no longer be clear, and they happened to sit on the balcony and have breakfast. When the cloudy light and shadow of the sun moved over Wu Wei's hair, which was downcast while reading the newspaper, Hu Bingchen slowly sipped his coffee and said to her, "You are mentally ill. You are sent to the hospital, and you will be given a few injections every day." In any case, Hu Bingchen, whose order is as small as drinking coffee for breakfast and drinking green tea every day, will not be misplaced. Of course, this suggestion is not aimless, but it is definitely not because of Wu Wei's hair or face that he has never taken care of. ,——Although Wu Wei's sloppy and lack of grooming after marriage is also a part that makes Hu Bingchen feel cheated.Wu Wei raised his head and thought for a while looking at his face.For a moment, she really wanted to say to Hu Bingchen: "Honey, you are my psychiatrist." But she hesitated for a while, swallowed the words again, lowered her head and continued to read the newspaper.

Therefore, Wu Wei, who was not so confident, made people feel a little confident, and he was a little bit rebellious and provocative towards Hu Bingchen, who was as careful as a hair. However, Hu Bingchen still took Wu Wei to see a psychologist twice. The doctor was not only very impatient with her narration, but even showed no curiosity at all.If your opponent is not even curious about you, no one will be able to cheer up.Of course, the white cloth curtains used as partitions in the spacious ward made Wu Wei feel even more depressed and closed.She heard pop songs behind one white curtain; behind another, a patient's passionate, high-pitched, open-minded narration distracted not only her, but perhaps her doctor's as well.

In the future, when Hu Bingchen took her to see a psychiatrist again, she would never give in.Soon Wu Wei was ready to learn painting. Seeing that she started to learn to paint, she was very predictable (this is still a part of her obsession) Hu Bingchen said with a smile: "Now you are at least half crazy, not completely crazy or not crazy, but half crazy. " He forgot that Wu Wei may have told him a long time ago (for example, when they were married, or when they were in love) that she wanted to learn painting, and he had almost asked a carpenter to make an easel for her, so that show support.

She said lightly: "My favorite is half-crazy, which I like more than any other state." At that time, she had already started arguing with Hu Bingchen, forgetting the vows she had made to Hu Bingchen, such as the promise that he was her life, her sun, and so on. How can a man be stubborn about his life, his sun?If this is not Wu Wei's negligence, what is it? Don't say that for a writer, "life" and "sun" are nothing new, even compared to Hu Bingchen's love letter to her, it is also much inferior and old-fashioned. Even if they think about their current selves, they feel deeply numb.But it cannot be said that Hu Bingchen is heartless.

Although "the sea is dry and the rocks are rotten" has been used as an oath to prove the immortality of love since ancient times, but the embarrassing thing is that compared with the dry sea and rocks, love is indeed a short-term behavior. The love process of Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai only went through one round of hardships before they died for love and turned into butterflies. If they didn’t die for love so prematurely, but like Hu Bingchen and Wu Wei: after going through many ups and downs, twists and turns, After the love procedure, Liang Shanbo will inevitably not say to Zhu Yingtai, or maybe Zhu Yingtai will inevitably say to Liang Shanbo: "You are mentally ill, you should be sent to the hospital, and you will be given a few injections every day. Alright." Who knows!

If they had drank dichlorvos together according to Hu Bingchen's suggestion that year, they might still have kept the original taste of the love that caused a sensation all over the country.Therefore, dying for love and turning into a butterfly may be the best solution to maintain the myth of love. But counting, Wu Wei's plan to learn painting must be after they got married.Before they got married, due to the dangerous and complicated situation, it was impossible for Hu Bingchen to ask a carpenter to make an easel for her. She finally got something to draw.Those extremely conflicting colors are intertwined abruptly and ferociously, swaying irresponsibly and indiscriminately, criss-crossing the paper all over the floor, leaving no room for imagination, which makes people creepy.

The paper is getting bigger and bigger, and I always feel that the edge of the paper is tightly bound to her, preventing her from breaking out; until one day, she picked up a tube of color and squeezed and pressed on the screen without using a pen. , and then found out that it turned out to be a tube of red, which she disliked the most—although she is an extreme person, she never likes red. Doesn't this seem a bit strange? Hu Bingchen was not wrong. This kind of hobby for painting that suddenly appeared in the middle of life really shows that a person is not far from insanity. There is also a friend who can read palmistry and said to her in amazement: "When did you have this suicide stripe on your palm? Why didn't I know? It's very bad." There will be more people in the future.What kind of power can engrave a suicide pattern on a hand that doesn't have a suicide pattern?Isn't this an interesting phenomenon?

In other words, the suicidal streaks that already existed might disappear on their own? Can destiny be changed or not?Perhaps change is also predestined. And Wu Wei replied indifferently: "It's a pity that suicide is still a very imperfect thing. For example, gas suicide, if the suicide person puts the gas for too long and no one finds it, will it bring disaster to the neighbors in the apartment?" Right house, even causing a fire? Touching the heart or hanging may not cause any harm to others, but the physical pain is too great. According to people who have taken a lot of sleeping pills but attempted suicide, the consequences are also very painful... Should invent a It would be nice to have something that makes suicide as comfortable as sleeping." Afterwards, she found the photos of Ye Lianzi, studied and compared them carefully, and found the traces of fate (not talking about the years) in the photos of Ye Lianzi in different periods.It's a pity that she doesn't have any earlier photos of Ye Lianzi, and the earliest one is only from the wedding photo taken at the "Xiangzhen" photo studio in Puqi Town when she and Gu Qiushui were newly married.

There are not many photos of Ye Lianzi, and she never visits a photo studio unless she has to.It's not that she doesn't like taking pictures, which beautiful woman doesn't like taking pictures?A photo is a kind of retention of the "once", a kind of permanent photo, in the polishing of time, it is as indelible as iron, so that it can be savored again and again in the future, singing and sighing "The most impossible thing in the world, Zhu Yan The poignant beauty of "Ci Jing Hua Ci Shu" may hide the shrill gloom of the people who "settled accounts after autumn".

But because of poverty, Ye Lianzi had to abandon many similar consumptions that had nothing to do with food and clothing.So her few photos have obvious stages, and her past days are as clear as a dynasty and a dynasty. Especially Ye Lianzi's mouth made Wu Wei ponder for a long time.She thought, why did she never pay attention to Ye Lianzi's mouth when she was alive, but only after she passed away, and there was no way to inquire and verify it? So she felt that it was not for nothing that she paid attention to Ye Lianzi's mouth.She could tell from Ye Lianzi's mouth that Ye Lianzi's sorrow was accumulated in her previous life.

All seemingly meaningless objects can attract the attention of others at a glance, almost all of which have a mission. Wu Wei slowly recalled the people she had met.Strangely, she only found such mouths on women's faces, but not on men's faces.She also discovered that anyone with such a mouth is an ant under a man's feet.He is not only an ant under a man's feet, but also doomed to be bullied and fooled by others. Although Ye Lianzi cut this wedding photo with a pair of scissors decades later, and the cut was very painstaking, and there was no room for repentance, not even Gu Qiushui was left, only along her hairline and face, Cutting off one of her own heads, but not being able to cut off her mouth, was her fate. After that, Wu Wei noticed that since Hu Bingchen decided to divorce her, his face and even his skull had also undergone obvious changes.The cheekbones protrude fiercely and majestically; the neck regrettably retracts into the two shoulder blades; The strange things, compared with his previous photos, he is like a different person, the past Hu Bingchen has no trace.Just like the photos of Ye Lianzi in her later years, she is returning to her originality more and more. Wu Wei believes that when everyone returns to the starting point after turning around, he will shake off the things that were not attached to his body from the beginning of his birth. It is a bit like the Buddhist saying "If you don't bring it with you, you don't take it with you when you die." The meaning has nothing to do with the urgency of time. Hu Bingchen's changes in these details are unmistakable, and he is getting closer and closer to Bai Fan's face. It seems that he himself has gradually separated from the nourishment and framework of whether it is Eastern culture or Western culture, and he has returned to his original self.So Wu Wei understood that Hu Bingchen and Bai Fan were supposed to be husband and wife in this life, and that was the real "marriage made in heaven".And the marriage between Hu Bingchen and her was indeed misleading. The revelation of this return may also be one of the many reasons why she let Hu Bingchen go lightly. However, Hu Bingchen and Bai Fan would never have imagined that they had benefited from Wu Wei and got into such a mysterious and mysterious horn. 2 Wu Wei's madness seemed to be very planned and well-planned, as if someone ordered and arranged everything in the dark. For example, she spent a lot of time sorting out the diary; dealing with all the chores, including letters and debts; she broke off publishing matters with the publishing house; she searched for many old people and old places... She went alone, without disturbing anyone, and without asking anyone to accompany her.She has been in those places abandoned by modern life for a long time. No one knows what attracted her there and what she did there... I can only guess from the messy and inconsistent words in her notebook, which may be related to The book she was about to write was about—it was just a possibility, and the real purpose could no longer be confirmed. These messy words are very interesting to read—— ...Finally back on the plateau. ... My original is broken, and its ruin and desolation are indescribable. Any attempt to explain it in detail is too floating compared to this kind of material exchange.But it still has meaning for me, unmistakably, like an old friend, the hint that was given to me in the first place.Yes again to me. Looking back at the lottery drawn at the Temple of the Reclining Buddha under the Wuzhang Plateau in my youth, didn’t it predict my life?This life should be regarded as responsive to every request, both good and bad, but it is my own fault to be good or bad. The Temple of the Reclining Buddha has disappeared.Check the Reclining Buddha Temple in memory with the local peasant women outside Wuhou Temple: "The gate of the Reclining Buddha Temple faces east, the gate of the Reclining Buddha Hall faces north, and the reclining Buddha lies with its head facing east and its feet facing west... At that time, the temple of Reclining Buddha was very popular. But?" The peasant women replied: "Yes, yes." On their cheekbones, there are still wisps of rough red from the sunlight on the plateau, as I was used to seeing when I was young. In the late evening, I met a fortune teller in front of the Wuhou Temple. Although he said to himself, "My calculation is based on the Tang Dynasty photo book "Xiang Li Heng Zhen" handed down by my grandfather. Psychic spirit. But I still drew a lottery.Looking at the lottery, four sentences jumped out in front of my eyes. Compared with the lottery drawn at the Temple of the Reclining Buddha more than 40 years ago, it is simply nonsense poetry.Unexpectedly, the last sentence made me jump up: Liu Ruan went to Nanshan to search for medicine, Lucky Immortal Fairy is also happy. There is so much growth here, What happened to my hometown again? God really knows why I returned to this place where I said that my hometown is not my hometown, and not my hometown is always unforgettable to me, but he didn't point it out. We have no hometown, no roots.We are a wandering family, from my mother, to me, to Zen Moon.Now I have nothing. I turned to seek a home for my soul.But, do people have a hometown for their souls?Where is the old place of my soul?Finding is a vicious circle, and you may end up with nothing.The so-called "old place" may be a place that you can't touch, walk, or even know where it is.Maybe he died on the way to "return" with the assumption of "return"-this ending is not bad.But the process of "searching" is a process that makes the wandering people feel that they belong.In this way, people are afraid of having no soul, so they are always looking for a "old place", even me? Before explaining the hexagrams, the fortune teller used to use jargon to talk and make money, but later it became interesting: "...a wide-eyed, extraordinary heart...very filial to the elderly, frustrated feelings, passionate when young. Your mother has a dark eye (two surprises here), and the Lord gave birth to a precious son", "90 years, 91 years are not smooth , one of the six relatives was sick and died (three surprises here)..." The hexagram and I in the early years were just an accidental collision; now this hexagram and me are just an accidental collision.But the accidental collision of the two pairs should be on me alone, which has the meaning of destiny repeatedly demonstrated. The sun went down, and I walked down to the plain with the fortune teller in the twilight. The air was mixed with the fragrance of new wheat and the mellow musty smell of history.This astrologer of the rivers and lakes can surprise me three times, not because of his or his grandfather's psychic, but because the energy of the earth has not been exhausted-although the high platform where Zhuge Liang sacrificed the sky lantern has long been leveled down by later generations, planted The crops were almost completely destroyed.Looking around, the wilderness Huchuan surrounded by the Loess Plateau is really a good battlefield.Jinghui does not show off, war drums do not urge conscripts, and fighting is not bloody. It is a pity that this vein of terrain. Thinking back to the twelfth year of Jianxing in the Shu Han Dynasty (AD 234), Zhuge Liang, in order to conquer the Central Plains and rejuvenate the Han Dynasty, sent troops out of Qishan to conquer Wei, so he stationed troops on the Wuzhang Plateau where I am now stepping on. I let the steps under my feet wander freely, but my eyes were fixed on the north bank of the Weihe River. The scenery on the north bank, in my wandering steps, in the deepening twilight, the lines become rough and obscure, blurring the boundaries of time and space... That was the place where Wei Guo garrisoned 400,000 troops, and Sima Yi took another 50,000 troops to build nine pontoon bridges on the Weihe River under the northern plateau of Xiazhai. The two armies fought, the earth shook and the mountains shook, lightning flashed and thundered... The blood of many heroes has stained the barren plains, and Zhuge Liang, the prime minister of Shu, died in Wuzhangyuan on August 23 of that year. But I also feel that Zhuge Liang's eyes, until now, are still staring unwillingly at the Guanzhong Plain on the banks of the Ma Pingchuan and Weihe Rivers.Why does the statue of Zhuge enshrined in the Wuhou Temple on Wuzhangyuan have a pair of passionate eyes?As a young man, how many times have I stepped on the stones in the river alone, crossed the Weihe River, climbed up to the Wuzhang Plateau, and lay sprawled on the high platform where Zhuge Liang sacrificed to the sky lantern, thinking hard about the scene at that time. In the haze, Zhuge Liang seemed to be looking up at the astronomy in the cold autumn night, and suddenly saw that the guest star of the three constellations complementary to each other was brighter, and the main star was dark... He bowed his head in horror and turned around, knowing that he would die soon.I also saw how Zhuge Liang, who knew astronomy from the top and geography from the bottom, how to plan the wind and rain, how to deploy seven large lanterns on the night of the Mid-Autumn Festival, and then forty-nine small lanterns outside, and finally his own life inside. One lamp.He prayed to the Big Dipper: If the main lamp does not go out within seven days, the life span of one century can be increased.He wandered around, couldn't sleep for five days and five nights, and on the sixth night, he saw that the main light was still bright, thinking that the great achievement was about to be completed, and when there was a gleam of joy in his brows, Wei Yan kicked him out unexpectedly!I even saw how panic and remorse made Wei Yan lose color...So a big red star suddenly wrapped a column of hurricane; flowing from northeast to southwest, I even heard its roar tearing through the cold sky, three times and three times falling behind in mourning He fell into the camp of Shu.That night, Zhuge Liang died in Wuzhangyuan. I am not interested in the story of the Three Kingdoms, what amazes me is that a great sage like Zhuge Liang is not also influenced by this "unexpected" in the end?This made me feel vaguely desolate when I was young, and I felt the helplessness of people for "fate". Isn't it a regret that can never be broken? I still can't understand that Zhuge Liang, who can communicate with gods and ghosts, can still be secretly happy?How could it be possible that the main lamp would be kicked out by Wei Yan after a while? And where is Sima Yi's handsome account?Maybe it is in the Danyang Temple, which faces Wuzhangyuan directly, and where my mother and I have lived for ten years.Are those big stone pillars on which the Weihe River was stepped on the remains of Sima Yi's nine pontoon bridges? Continue to descend along the mountain road in Panyuan, I can no longer listen to the whispers of the fortune-tellers. Being once again on the layered, unpredictable plateau stretching toward the sky, I suddenly realized that the hazy conjectures of my youth were not without reason.In ancient times, Qinchuan, eight hundred miles away in Guanzhong, should have been the channel of the Weihe River, and the plateaus on both sides were its river boundaries. How mighty the Weihe River was at that time, the folds across the exposed plateau were not carved out by the slapping of the Weihe River year after year? And the descendants of Yan and Huang at that time must have been such a strong baby, lying on Qishan Mountain with arms and legs spread out, facing the sun that was still very close to human beings at that time, and constantly uttering loud and clear cries. In the twilight, the plain and boring plain that seems to have lost its temper gradually takes on a dignified and sad background, and more and more restores its original majesty, arrogance, domineering, and royal aura, sitting firmly on the ground like an emperor. On the throne, looking down on all living beings and all their "tricks" and weaknesses, there is a kind of merciful shelter and package in Mingda. It seems that I have returned to the boy who was facing the original day and day again, and the atmosphere from the spiritual realm once again swayed and penetrated between the heaven and the earth... Could my unique endowment for understanding life not benefit from this? Since we left Guanzhong at the age of eighteen, we have never been back. I thought this mountain col had receded from my life forever. "What happened to the hometown again?" I thought it was just a recap of our lives here.Repeat her helpless and tenacious footprints on the road that my mother walked, and re-experience the loneliness and desolation she walked alone on the plateau at that time, or maybe I am looking for a part of my own life... Later I understand that I am looking for my mother. Although I know that I will never find her again, I will keep looking for her.Or rather, I was looking for the unfinished stories of my previous life.In this search (return?) process, many things that were not clear at the beginning are now somewhat clear.Only then did I realize that the village where we lived for ten years is called Linggu Village! It's really like enlightenment, past life and present life.But not long ago let these three words be made clear.I don't know if my mother knew the name of this village back then. ... So I think I should find a place here, and my mother's ashes and I will be buried here in the future. For those of us who are wandering and have nowhere to put our ashes, this may be the only place to stay.I have been to so many countries in the world and visited so many world-famous scenic spots, but what I miss the most is this plateau where "loess has no feet in sunny days, and mud has no ankles in rainy seasons"; what I miss the most is being with my mother—of course there was later Zen months—those days of hard times spent together instead of the so-called turn of events.In the sweetness of love and the brilliance of career, I have been beautiful, happy, crazy, and full of ambition...all of them are like passing clouds, but they are not as peaceful as the difficult days. Without them, how can I set off the future every dog ​​has his day?Brave the rain to visit Danyang Temple.I can no longer find the scene of the past. There are dilapidated and ugly houses along the way, surging like poisonous mushrooms after the rain, crowded with you eating me and I eating you. Where else can I find the clean and comfortable Lingzi Village, which is full of loess, poor and self-disciplined, kneaded from fine noodles like rafting? Frustrated shrubs, reeds, and decayed grass surrounded the Weihe River. The mighty Weihe River in the past was paralyzed, shrunk, degraded, and broken like pieces of dirty glass. Where can I find Danyang Temple?The foundation of the wing we lived in has collapsed.Looking at the collapsed foundation, I knew that my life was over-in fact, my life had already gone with my mother.Where can we find the old cypress trees guarding the spring in the green forest behind Danyang Temple? Go out of the Danyang Guanshan Gate, go down the thirty-three steps and turn to the upper right. That should be my wheat field, the wheat field of a little girl like a lone ranger.In the early summer, when I push aside the waist-high wheat and throw it on the plateau to let it grow by itself, you can definitely see me looking for rye, wild vegetables and beetles, or taking off the cloth shoes that my mother sewed with needles and threads. , with nails that have not been cut for a long time, concentrate on picking the soles of the shoes.Every stitch on the soles is sticky with stinky dirt made of mud and foot sweat; as a second girl, I really shouldn't be carrying such dirt with me, but I don't have socks to take it.My mother couldn't afford socks, and I was barefoot all the time, as if I hadn't worn socks in the middle of winter. I can't remember anything about socks... It feels so good to hide in the wheat field, like returning to my mother's womb.I have never found such a place where I feel safe.Winter is tedious, but it's okay to fly a kite in the wheat field... But my wheat field has now become an ugly fertilizer factory.After going around to Danyang Temple, the wild and wild rose screen, which was as wide as a wall, disappeared... Suddenly, I stumbled, and my eyes fell on the old crooked locust tree.It was still crooked, in the mud of the rainy day, desolately lowered its head, looking down at me without a word.The raindrops flowed down its veins like tears, dripping on my face and body. ．It was older, shabbier, and less a pastime for the eyes than ever.But isn't it originally intended to accompany us in the cold night?Especially in the bitter wind and rain. Only the mud remains... Only the murmur of the spring remains... With a hoarse old voice, I sang the song taught by Teacher Xin: "Look at the spring water coming out of the mountain pass, rushing forward, flowing towards the night and night. Willows hang down on the bank, and the soft silk wants to keep it, but the spring water always flows. No turning back. The bird chirped, as if he was very sad, because he would lose a good friend. He wanted to stay, he wanted to stay, he tried his best to sing, but the spring water never turned back... ".Back then, the willow branches were slanted by the spring, the aquatic plants were lush, the waterway was wide, and there were small fish and tadpoles swimming in the water. They heard me sing this song countless times. Greedy, I scooped up handfuls of tadpoles and drank them together with spring water. People in the village said that I would never get angry again. I probably drank too much and became the cowardly one in our family. At that time, I felt that I was the spring flowing to the mountain pass, and then I felt that I was the small island, and then I felt that I was nothing.And a bend down the slope has turned into a stone bay made of cement and cobblestones... As I walked up the slope, I cried for my mother. Except for a few chickens whose feathers were soaked by the rain and whose feet were muddy but gave me comfort, there was nothing in Siye.Going up along the already thin spring water, I finally saw a man surnamed Tian tending his experimental field, where holly seedlings were being cultivated.He lived nearby and was about the same age as me.He kindly took me to a polygonal recess and said, this is the Pearl Spring. According to him, in the early 1960s, someone dreamed of building a canal on the plateau to divert water, so they dug the plateau.The loess that has been accumulated since the beginning of the world poured down from the old plateau of Fengming Qishan, burying the spring that has burst out for so many generations. An ugly thin iron pipe sticks out from under the loess, and the other end of the iron pipe is the long-lost spring.I rushed towards the line of spring water trembling on the iron pipe, stepped on the unstable stone, and almost slipped.A man surnamed Tian helped me, and he said, "It's not far away, but it's a piece of wild grass." He told me that the surname of most people in Lingmu Village is Li, but this ditch is called Qinjiagou. I wanted to find a small Baiyun Temple where the ashes of my mother and I were buried, but they were also submerged under the torrent of loess.Although the world is big, we don't even have a place to stay. Only one remnant stele was found, straddling the ditch between two cultivated fields.I picked up the accumulated water in the field and wiped off the mud on the broken stele. On the broken stele there were words: "There is Baiyun Temple on the north slope of Lingyuan Village. Bingyi auspicious day next year..." I went down to the original site of the big locust tree... That ten-year-old, unique morning... If people are careful, they will see a thick reminder line under "That ten-year-old, unique morning...". The old locust tree, which was hugged by about six people, also disappeared in the earthen furnace of the big iron and steel smelting in 1960 A.D. when it suddenly had a whim and wanted to catch up with the United Kingdom.Since the stove dared to eat such a tree, it is no wonder that the world has fallen. In the emptiness and rain of Xiang Wanyi's ghost looming, I realized that it was the beginning of a "number". From the old locust tree to the north to the plateau, the old appearance can be seen faintly.But I can't walk anymore. From Linggu Village to Xiayuan to the train station, the place where I felt prosperous when I was a teenager.There is a small shop at the entrance of the station, which sells braised pork, tea eggs, mung bean noodles, soy bean sprouts vegetarian balls and sesame cakes, and a small shop selling small crispy fish.After the liberation of the whole country in 1949, our life became settled. My mother made small crispy fish and let me take it to Xi'an Middle School where I was studying.Early the next morning, it was not difficult for my classmates to discover my bad deeds from the small fish head in front of the mosquito net, and someone reported it to the teacher.On the way out of the station, there should be cloth stores and grocery stores. The shape and location have not changed at all, but it has been changed to a brick and wood structure, which is even more dilapidated than the civil structure of the year.I saw a piece of floral cloth in the store, which retained the style of decades ago.I was stunned, and recalled a period of my mother and I on the pattern, thinking of those cheongsams that my mother wore, with white carnation flowers printed on the blue background, but now this one is a purple background.I dare to conclude that it is a product of a textile printing and dyeing factory in Northwest China. Our past clothes are closely related to this textile printing and dyeing factory. I bought a piece and planned to make a skirt for Zenyue. I secretly hope that Zenyue can perceive our past days from this piece of fabric. Going southeast along the wall of the iron factory, it should be a wheat field.Turning into the town, there is a dyeing house at the intersection, which exudes the smell of indigo alum and mercury all year round. The small street in front of the dyeing house should be a stall selling chrome, jelly, and stuffed skin... Naturally, all of them have disappeared. Looking at it now, the so-called bustling old railway station is just a tiny place. The ditch is narrow, the road is narrow, and the landform is as old as a human being, with a look of unbearable torture.Their aging speed in tens of millions of years is not as good as these decades... Teacher Qin said: "This pipe was given to me by your mother, please return it to you now." I imitated, looked at the English pipe covered with soot all over the body, and said, "No, you'd better keep it for yourself. It would be nice if I could see it." Teacher Qin was stunned and said, "It's not interesting to give it to you. It's been used for decades...now you can't even buy shredded tobacco." "I'll send you some when I get back to Beijing." After a rather hesitant pause, he said, "Maybe I'll pass it on?" I hurriedly said: "Don't give it to anyone, my mother gave it to you, if..." I don't know whether to say it or not, but seeing the once great teacher Qin, now he is almost a dwarf Looking at it, I expected that the fate would be difficult, so I had no choice but to say it hard. After a hundred years, it is best to bring this pipe with you. " "At the beginning, I still had feelings for your mother, but I didn't have the courage to confess. Besides, there was Liao Ruihong in the middle, and she had a feeling of repaying Liao Ruihong... I watched the Soviet movie "Secretary of the District Committee" after 1949. There was something like this One detail: the secretary held a pipe all day long, which was given to him by his divorced lover. Once he forgot to bring it when he went out, and then returned home to look for it. The pipe was hidden by his later lover, and he couldn’t find it. I got angry... Seeing that, I think of the pipe your mother gave me..." In the dying voice, there was regret or remorse full of mildew?How did he become such a dwarf?Where did the pipe come from?In a place like Lingmao Village, not to mention the time, even now, it is impossible to find an English pipe. Under "How did you become such a dwarf" and "Where did the pipe come from? In a place like Linggu Village, let alone at that time, even now, it is impossible to find an English pipe". reminder line. …Waiting in a small hotel in Wuchang to transfer to a bus to Puqi the next day. At night, curled up on the cold and hard bed of the small hotel, listening to how the fine graupel played the withered bushes and branches, just like playing our windows covered with hemp paper in the past.Are there still papery windows? In the playing of the fine sapphire, I feel the poor and simple caress again, like my mother's delicate but not delicate hands caressing me. The flickering, flickering, weak wattage lamp above the head interprets the hardships of the wandering people.The hardships my mother took me to find my husband in the past, reappeared one by one in front of my eyes: a woman with dark eyes who had never been in the rivers and lakes, and a child who was not sensible, who was not very literate, and who did not go out at all. Experience, the most terrible thing is that I don't have much money in my pocket, and I have to go through different occupied areas of the enemy and puppet troops... I am so distressed that I dare not think about it. He fell asleep without even taking off his clothes.But I dreamed of my mother twice, the first time she told me not to go to a certain place.Where?I recited it many times, but I forgot when I woke up.Don't let me go to Puqi? Puqi Town, which has three rings of land and water and is backed by the mountains of Fu, floats in the mist of the river like an old boat. Since it can last forever, the stones on the city wall of Puqi Town are inevitably old as expected. Along the route of the 112th Division of the Northeast Army, enter the county from the station through the South Gate.In March of the lunar calendar in 1927, Tang Shengzhi also drove into Puqi Town along this road.At that time, there was only one small road, and it was impossible to drive.It was not until 1930 that a dirt road leading to the train station was built for jeeps.I secretly said to my mother's ashes: "Mom, I will take you to revisit the old place of happy days." When I arrived at Mayonghe Inn with her ashes, the back of that small building had been bent by the years of wind and rain, and the tiles laid on the rafters were like a folding fan with broken bones that could no longer be flattened or folded. , lying on all fours in twists and turns on the bent spine. But it is still standing after all.Presumably mother also envisioned revisiting the old place one day? But does she know that revisiting the old place is more than just things and people?More often than not, there are no characters.What remains forever is a stubborn obsession with the old place, especially the stubbornness of people like me. Did she know that when she revisited the old place, she watched helplessly in the turbulent and smoky past, scouring and scouring, sifting and sifting, leaving only the most worthwhile, most cherished, and preserved memories for many years, suddenly Torn, damaged, and even wiped out in front of my eyes... only a long and endless stream of pain is left, which is slowly drawn out from the bottom of my heart and then slowly dissipated. The current head of the household, an old man surnamed Li, said: "Ma Yonghe Inn was the only inn in Puqi Town from the early 1930s to before the Japanese occupation. It also operated catering and smuggled cigarettes. It was also a place for local gentry and social sages to discuss and gather." Xiaolou It still maintains the pattern of the year, and there are three guest rooms upstairs: a single room and a suite. I could tell at a glance that the single room was the room my mother lived in with her stepmother the night before their wedding. Of this, I am sure. Because as soon as I stood at that boundary, my head immediately felt like a hoop was tightened, and there seemed to be an electric current rushing from the hoop to the entire scalp and face, followed by a "buzzing" numbness and fever. Get tight. There are many things that I cannot perceive and experience with my mother.but.As soon as I was in any place or scenery that had a close relationship with my mother, my head was immediately like a hoop, and there seemed to be an electric current rushing from the hoop to the entire scalp and face... The single room faced straight up a crumbling staircase without a handrail.And it's still the same as it was more than half a century ago.There is a large brown stretched bed, and the position may not even change.The mother and her stepmother slept in such a bed that night. They did not have the civilized habit of not sleeping in the same bed with the family except couples, and it was impossible for them to spend unnecessary money to rent the suite next door. On the roof, there are strips of weak rafters and mats. Except for the wooden wall facing the street, the stones of the other three walls are exposed, and even the whitewash is omitted.There is a small window on the wooden wall facing the street.My mother should have stood there, looking across this small street, imagining how the next morning, she would walk from this small road paved with stone slabs on Chenghuang Street to the south gate of Puqi Town, which is next to the Beijing-Han Railway, and which operates ma, Ma Yaohua Transshipment Company for local specialties such as tea, Nanzhu, Chinese fir, and silk (every family in Puqi raised silkworms at that time).She and my future father, Lao Gu, will hold a wedding there. More than sixty years ago, on an early spring night in 1935, it was such a room and such a bed that carried my mother who could not sleep all night and her beautiful vision for the future. It was also at that time that Mao Zedong, who was first in charge of the Red Army of the Chinese Workers' and Peasants' Red Army, was the commander in chief.Just after commanding the battle of crossing Chishui four times, he sent troops to move closer to the Red Army in northern Shaanxi.关于这个挽救红军于东奔西突、弹尽粮绝之地的重大决策，有一个传播甚广的说法。 所以每当有人唱起“抬头望见北斗星”那首著名歌曲时，我却老是想到一张报纸，裹在贵阳某个人去楼空的县政府或国民党部办公室的一堆旧报里，破损，百分之九十九会彼人忽略，载有陕北“共匪”作乱的消息；还有一只伸向它的手，颀长秀美，夹着一支劣等纸烟，神经质地轻颤不已。 于是那支初始目的并不明确、从江西老根据地仓皇流向湖南的队伍，从此才折兵向西。 历史从此有了工农红军从长江南北根据地向陕北根据地战略转移的说法。 如果没有这张只有百分之一概率被人注意的、宿命的报纸呢？ 而东北军一一二师．的将土，彼时在鄂、豫、皖剿匪副总司令张学良将军的指挥下，沿平汉铁路布防，意在消灭羊嵝洞一带共产党徐海东部。无论如何不会相信，两年多后，他们会带着钱饷、兵马、军械，粮草辗转奔赴延安，投奔他们正在围剿的敌人：，又在不长的时间里，带着剩余的四十多名卫队离开延安，到达陪都重庆时，只剩下师长包天剑和笃信忠臣不事二主的顾秋水。 一一二师的司令部就设在马耀华转运公司，师部军官，特别是少壮派军官，常在马耀华转运公司盘桓，顾秋水吏是这里的常客。 一位七秩又八，当年在马耀华转运公司当过侍女的老人还能记起，当年有个顾上尉，一有什么难事，军官们常常挂在嘴上的是“找顾上尉！”至于这个顾上尉的模样，她倒忘记了。