Chapter 11 Eight

In late October, the horror of artillery fire along Shanghai-Nanjing Road gradually faded on people's brains as usual. It was already cold in the bustling Shanghai at night, and Ms. Mei was walking on the road wearing a thin silk jacket.She had just come from a new girlfriend's house and was going back to her apartment.The autumn wind was like a cold ghost hand, stroking her whole body. She tightened her shoulders and hurriedly walked, and couldn't help but think of the warm Chengdu. Chengdu!Only its warmth is worth remembering!It has been almost five months since we left, and it was only in the cold wind tonight that Madam Mei officially remembered it for the first time.A mood almost nostalgic made her feel at a loss.The question that had been hesitating for several days was triggered again: what should I do if I don't go back?The official business in Shanghai—to attend the Federation of Students Association, has long since ended. In the past, I could use the excuse of the Qilu war, and the Yangtze River is dangerous, so I stayed here. Now that the war is over, Mrs. Wen, who was also a representative yesterday, urged me to ask again Return date, ahem, the nasty suffragette!

Ms. Mei subconsciously turned the corner of Tongfu Road and walked into something.There is no biting cold wind here, and the street lights from behind cast her slender black shadow.Ms. Mei walked in her own shadow, and suddenly sneered in her heart.This is also a common sneer these days, and it is no different from the sneer at others in the past.She felt that the black shadow in front of her eyes was the other self she wanted to sneer at.This is the second self that emerged after arriving in Shanghai: a self that has lost self-confidence, is indecisive, and is more feminine.She didn't understand why she conjured up this unseemly version of herself.More than four months ago, when she took the Longmao steamer down the Wu Gorge, she was so heroic; she envisioned Shanghai as a vast, complex, all-encompassing, fast-moving society, and she could get started here. Find a way of life she likes, and she wants to raise one of her horns in this vast sea of ​​people.Shouldn't she be allowed to plan like this?Ever since she ran out of the "wicker cage", she has really achieved the so-called Kejie: ​​she conquered the environment, and she conquered the flaws in her own nature; she attracted many men to attack her, and she kicked them away calmly talking and laughing; People can touch her heart, and there is no one whose heart cannot be seen through by her.However, after staying in Shanghai for more than three months, she felt that the beauty promised to herself was getting farther and farther away.And it seems that it is a plant that is not used to the water and soil, but after she moved here, it only got worse and worse!Now there is a second self who is making trouble for her original self!

Chasing after her shadow with resentment, she has already walked into an alley, and now she is facing someone's door.She stopped instinctively, only to realize that she had gone the wrong way, and inadvertently ran to a place where a friend lived.He hesitated for a few seconds Educator (c. 372-289 BC).Name Ke, style name Ziyu, Zou (now Shandong Zou, she finally opened the door and entered. There was no one in the living room.A dim kerosene lamp illuminates the vulgar furnishings of a small businessman's family.The fisherman with his mouth wide open in the painting "De Profit" standing on the outer wall seems to be laughing at Ms. Mei.But footsteps came downstairs.

Madam Mei hurriedly asked: "Is it Liang Gangfu?" Suddenly a gust of wind came, and the kerosene lamp on the square table burst into a huge flame, then sank as if falling down, and went out.As if feeling some bad omen, Ms. Mei unknowingly retreated into the patio outside the window, feeling terrified for no reason.It was the first time to come here at night, and there was no light. Of course, this weird house had to make her more mysterious and suspicious.She stood there in a daze, forgetting to speak. When the lights were turned on again, Ms. Mei saw clearly that it was indeed Liang Gangfu, and became lively again.But the young man stood by the long window of the living room, straightened his chest, as if to prevent Mrs. Mei from entering.Although the complexion on his face could not be seen because of the backlight, Ms. Mei knew very well that she was receiving his cold gaze.She felt a little cramped.And as usual, she couldn't figure out the meaning behind this cold look.

"So it's you. We can talk for ten minutes." Liang Gangfu said softly, turning half his body.Now Mrs. May could see his face clearly.Still so elusive and calm!There was a kind of half-smile wrinkle around the corners of his closed mouth.His strong and slender torso was full of youthful vitality.He is a lovely and fearsome man. Ms. Mei smiled, walked into the living room, gathered her energy, and answered slowly: "Do you have anything else to do? I'm just dropping in to talk. You can leave in less than ten minutes." Liang Gangfu nodded, sat down in a nearby chair, took out a cigarette and lit it, and blew out light blue smoke with his lips pressed together.He was waiting for Ms. May to speak.

"That Mrs. Wen came to urge me to go back to Sichuan again. She said that it would be much more troublesome if I delayed it if the upstream was shallow—" As if finding out these materials specially, Ms. Mei used a very hesitant tone in an attempt to spark a lively conversation.Her eyes looked at Liang Gangfu attentively.On the word "many", she paused on purpose, accepting the rhetorical question "Are you going or not?", but she didn't.She saw it very clearly, Liang Gangfu still blowing smoke leisurely, without any surprise expression.Ms. Mei, who was used to being noticed, naturally felt too embarrassed. Her dual personality suddenly reappeared, and she suddenly returned to her original self, so the next words turned into a high-pitched and sharp tone:

"Okay! I'm planning to go back! When I didn't come to Shanghai, I was a little fanciful, especially when I was on a boat; when I came, I lived there for three months, and I realized that it was only mediocre. Of course, it is a civilized city. But it is too philistine, and people say it is the center of culture. Yes, big newspapers, big bookstores, and countless universities are all here. But are these cultures? One hundred people don’t believe it! Don’t these represent the foreign money? Small corners! Money worship is the culture of Shanghai. People in this circle are a bit philistine. You see, there is also a picture of a fisherman getting a profit here; yes, what Shanghai people worship is profit, and it is a fisherman who does not have to work hard. The advantage! Although Chengdu is clumsy, it is not so vulgar!"

Ms. Mei exhaled happily, feeling that she was standing high again, despising everything and trampling everything.Unfortunately, this joy is very short-lived.She immediately became cold again, when she heard Liang Gangfu's answer: "As far as I think, it's better for you to go back. For you, Shanghai is too complicated!" "I don't understand what you mean by that." "It's just too complicated. You'll get lost. Even if you're in Chengdu, you still feel like you're at home." It was unprecedented to be looked down upon like this; Ms. Mei was so angry that her heart ached.She gave Liang Gangfu a hard look, then turned and left.Liang Gangfu didn't want to stay, looked at Ms. Mei's back and smoked with a smile, then closed the door.

The sound of the heavy wooden door slamming was like a final blow to Ms. Mei's aching heart, and she almost burst into tears.She ran across the road and broke into her apartment.Director Liu, the owner of the apartment, is playing cards with the guests as usual.Ms. Mei quietly avoided their attention and ran to her room. Taking a look in the big mirror, her face was extremely pale.It was as if the wounded had touched her own wound. She was shaking and collapsed on the sofa.The sound of cards and talking and laughing came from downstairs.I also clearly heard the repeated frustration of Mr. Xie, an expert on national heritage who is used to playing wrong cards.This Mr. Xie, according to his own words, has a little "worldly friendship" with Ms. Mei's father. He is an old famous poet, but he has also written books in vernacular recently; Ms. Mei remembers the first time when she met him here and talked about the old friendship. , He said a few words that understand the world: "My lord is too old-fashioned. Although, he is worthy of being a direct disciple of Jingyue, he has to wear fashionable clothes. For example, when you have a doctor, you might as well bring a thermometer and tell the patient Hold it under your armpit and check your temperature. That’s the quintessential doctor of Western learning, and you’re sure to be in the market. How can you be so frustrated that you’re dying! Like me, I’ve also written vernacular recently, just because it’s a fashionable thing. Clothes. Naturally, they are still those of the classics, but if you wear vernacular clothes, you will be sorting out the country’s history, otherwise, it will be a mess of the country. Don’t laugh. Do you have to change into a cheongsam!” Thinking this way, Mei The lady subconsciously looked at her light blue cheongsam, and thought of her father who died last year, as well as some other people, and asked herself in bewilderment:

"Why don't you go back? Everything in your hometown is unbearable, so let's try to understand this new environment? It's just that Director Liu's mansion can no longer be lived in. How about another place?" Ms. Mei is dissatisfied with her current apartment, because Governor Hui introduced her to live here, and the people here may regard her as the governor's pet, and the living habits here are too similar to those in Chengdu.She wants to get rid of those rotten pasts, and she wants to completely forget the upside-down past. But the trauma suffered by Liang Gangfu recurred for the second time.She didn't understand what parts of herself he despised.I wonder if she has acted eccentrically in the three months since I met this fellow at the All-China Federation of Students’ Association. Is it because she is too affectionate and pays too many visits, which arouses people’s dislike? ?The times are really different!Only men have come to look up to her color, never expected that today is the opposite.Are men so unworthy of flattery?But not always.Liang Gangfu is a little weird: not all of his temperament is cold, but also of his unpredictable behavior.Just to stand in front of this more resolute personality, so she herself becomes vulnerable.It's also because she can't see through his secrets, so she can't catch him, but she is left out in the cold.Here lies the crux of the trauma!

Ms. Mei looked at her own face in the mirror again, still pale.As if she could find her second self, her original self cursed angrily: treat Liang Gangfu with even more proud contempt!After showing him some pros and cons, then leave him forever!Go ahead and walk like before, and overcome this new environment!Remember what old man Xie said, people here just have a more fashionable set of clothes! Encouraging herself like this, Ms. Mei hurried out of the room and went to the living room where the playing cards were blaring.Amidst the dazzling lights and the cluttered figures, she felt a little that the shadow of that disreputable second self was indeed farther away.She went to a large sideboard, picked up the brandy bottle, and swallowed two glasses like medicine; then an umbrella-shaped pink cloud floated in front of her eyes, and she laughed and chatted until she was in the air. In the clouds, I can't support myself. Two days later, under the pretext of staying in Shanghai to study French and preparing to go abroad, Ms. Mei asked Mrs. Wen to go back to Sichuan alone to return to her command; Those who teach French cannot be found immediately.Ms. Mei just visits friends and kills time every day.Now her apartment is farther away from Liang Gangfu's place.She deliberately stayed away, she wanted to escape the threat of the strange man and restore her own face.She became a regular guest at the home of the newly acquainted Ms. Qiu Min.Here, she feels at home.It's not because she agrees with the petite and talkative Ms. Qiu Min and her old husband, but because she can see through their hearts.On the surface, this couple looks very loving, but Ms. Mei has long seen that Ms. Qiu Min has hidden pain.The smart Ms. Qiu Min never expressed this point positively, but it was often revealed in her half-complaining and half-blowing conversations. One afternoon, Ms. Mei ran to Ms. Qiu Min's house again. As soon as she opened the door, she saw Liang Gangfu's calm face.This unexpected encounter silenced Ms. Mei, and Liang Gangfu just nodded casually.Ms. Qiu Min who was standing next to him seemed to be showing some heirloom treasure, and greeted Liang Gangfu to the back door and whispered for a long time before coming back to meet Ms. Mei with an unimportant face. "Don't you know the one just now?" Seeing that Ms. Mei kept talking about other idle things, Ms. Qiu Min couldn't help asking; Naturally, the implication was that Ms. Mei would answer "yes". Ms. Mei shook her head deliberately, and smiled with her lips pursed, anticipating that Ms. Qiu Min must have something to brag about. "Oh, don't you know him? You don't even know him! He's from your hometown. His name—hey, people are paying attention to him. Half of Shanghai is in his hands! He also came the day before yesterday— —Oh, it just so happened that you went back. It’s okay to tell you. He came to discuss important matters with Mr. Zhang. Unfortunately, Mr. Zhang went out. Fortunately, I also have some ideas about those things. Miss Mei, look, I I'm really exhausted; he came, and the child was crying again. Cough, those things have to be busy until the day after tomorrow! Hey, isn't the day after tomorrow the seventh?" Strangely restrained, Qiu Min protruded her big eyes and stared at Ms. Mei.This is the posture she often takes when she is talking vigorously.Ms. Mei held back her laughter, but pretended to suddenly realize and said: "I remember. I saw him somewhere near Fulu." "You must have read it wrong. I knew he wouldn't live in that place. Liang—" Ms. Qiumin suddenly stopped, protruding her big eyes even more. "You're good. I'm talking fun!" With an uncontrollable laugh, Ms. Mei gently removed Qiu Min's doubts, and then changed the topic of the conversation. But the revived longing for Liang Gangfu gradually strengthened in Ms. Mei's heart, and she couldn't continue the casual chat as usual.After leaving Qiu Min's house, Ms. Mei decided to go to Tongfu Road.The secret picked up by accident just now seems to be a new set of weapons, helping Ms. Mei build up her long-lost self-confidence, and promise herself the future victory. This time, the door of Liang Gangfu's residence could not be opened with a push.After knocking on the door knocker for a long time, no one came out.Ms. Mei was about to leave disappointed, when suddenly a human figure appeared from behind, with a wild cat-like face and two gloomy eyes, something immediately awoke in Ms Mei's memory.Yes, where have I seen such a face, such a woman! But the cat-masked man laughed first, and whispered: "You are Misme." Years cannot change the voices of men.Ms. Mei immediately remembered, she held the other party's hand in ecstasy, and hastily poured out a series of surprised questions: "Huang—Huang Yinming, right? I haven't heard from you for three or four years! Why are you here? When did you come? Where is your residence now?" Huang Yinming didn't answer.A pair of gloomy eyes fixed on Ms. Mei's face.Then she took Ms. Mei, walked around the row of houses on the half of the alley, and walked into a back door at the end of the alley.It turned out to be the room where Liang Gangfu lived.There was no one in the living room, but Huang Yinming led Ms. Mei to the pavilion upstairs. A lively conversation began.Huang Yinming just rushed to ask Ms. Mei what happened, and didn't give Ms. Mei the slightest chance to ask back.Ms. Mei, who was a little excited, didn't feel the strategy of Huang Yinming's conversation at first, but she had to pour out many questions accumulated by her own curiosity, so when she talked about her recent situation, she turned around and asked hard : "Is this your home? Why haven't I seen you before! Why don't you study at school? Where's your brother?" "My brother is teaching in Hankou. Ah, I should tell you about my sister-in-law. Since that year—the ninth year of the Republic of China, ten years ago, I sent her to Hankou—" "You are in Shanghai alone! A week ago, a man named Liang lived in this house!" Ms. Mei cut Huang Yinming's seemingly lengthy narration, and asked the important question at present. "I just moved here. I only rent this Zao Phi Lou. There is no one named Liang." "Then who is the second landlord?" "I still don't quite get it." Madam Mei smiled and glanced at Huang Yinming.Although Huang Yinming's answer was so smooth and seamless, Ms. Mei was already sensitive to the dryness and emptiness of that voice.She saw that there were some little secrets here.Huang Yinming in front of him looked a little older than before.The naughty girlish behavior is gone, her serious round face exudes an unfathomable calmness that is almost similar to Liang Gangfu; her pair of experienced eyes are still so gloomy, but there is also a passionate light in them flashing.In short, he is no longer Huang Yinming from back then!The only thing that remained the same was her eagerness to speak and her sharp accent.Ms. Mei stood up, turned her body around, and looked at the simple layout of the small room, then returned to Huang Yinming, pressed her right hand on her shoulder, and said with some exclamation: "I didn't expect to meet you here again, and I didn't expect that you, my little sister, have changed in three or four years." "You are different too. You are more beautiful and charming than ever." "Just kidding again. But, Yinming, I remember you saying something like this before: You don't want to pretend, and you want to expose others' false faces on purpose, so you can't live with your father; can you? I think four or five Years may have changed your temper too!" "I want to hear your conclusion about my observation first." "I think you've changed even that. Otherwise, why are you lying to your old friends?" Huang Yinming's eyebrows twitched, and then he laughed again. He grabbed Ms. Mei's hand and squeezed it vigorously, as if to say: Seriously?please forgive me.Ms. Mei didn't smile, she went further and said, as if aggrieved: "I also remember that you still have this meaning: you can't bear other people's unreasonable suspicions, and when you are wronged, you have to lose your temper, a big temper. I also have this kind of character. In the past few years, I have been everywhere. It arouses people's suspicion. It seems that I am a boring person who specializes in gossiping and finding fault. Even if it is extremely unimportant, I dare not fall into my ears. But Yinming, we are old friends, please criticize fairly! Once upon a time, your sister-in-law What you said to me, what you said to me, didn't half a word slip out of my mouth?" Now Huang Yinming's face became solemn, and her answer was very sincere: "Don't worry, May. I don't suspect you. But all your questions are—I can't answer them." "Is it impossible to admit that there is a Liang Gangfu! Isn't that why you objected to the former non-pretense?" "I will never tell lies about my personal affairs. However, I can't disclose to third parties about other people or relationships with others." "Aren't you going to make it public even if you're a reliable friend?" Huang Yinming smiled and didn't answer.After a while, she said slowly: "Mei, it's best to ignore things that have nothing to do with you. Maybe I can tell you in detail in the future, but not today. Let's talk about my sister-in-law." "Okay! Your sister-in-law, I guess: a Never been a nun, second, never committed suicide, third, never had a divorce!" "Neither. On the way, I will persuade her to be good." "Then, let's not talk about your sister-in-law!" "But there's something else—" "But let's not talk about it. Remember what you said just now, don't worry about irrelevant things." Huang Yinming smiled wryly.She glanced at Mrs. Mei's face, then stood up, shaking her shoulders.Ms. Mei also stood up, hunched over and smoothed out the wrinkles on her clothes, then raised her head and said: "There is one more question, it's up to you if you don't answer: Did Mi Siqiumin know each other? What criticism do you have of her? " "I know. Criticize? She is a woman who doesn't mean much!" Huang Yinming bites the word "woman" very hard, as if she is really not a woman herself.But in the end it was a frank and sincere answer, so Mrs. May seemed satisfied.She took Huang Yinming's hand, shook it tightly, and said "goodbye".When Huang Yinming went to open the back door, Ms. Mei glanced into the living room. It wasn't that the "Delicious Picture" was still hanging outside, but there was a row of chairs missing and two piles of paper bags added. They are all prints. In Mrs. Xie's house, Ms. Mei's room, there is a letter waiting.In the heart of Ms. Mei on the road, she was waiting for some magical illusion to straighten herself up.What she heard and saw just now weighed on her mind, making her realize that she was crawling. Although she had glimpsed some people's details from below, she had no chance to look directly at the face she longed for.She felt that it was the first time in her life that she was seen as unacceptable and not trustworthy.She asked herself annoyedly in her heart: Is it true that they are all stronger than her?This wild cat-like Huang Yinming, this ghostly Liang Gangfu, and even this meaningless Qiu Min?Now she somehow knows what kind of trick they are up to, and she has heard of such a trick a long time ago, but why are they so sneaky and guarding against her like a thief! "Okay! Don't underestimate others! You can do tricks, can't I? Well, let's compare! I don't care about your secrets, your activities, but see who is better!" When this unexpected idea came back to her mind for the second time, she was so happy that she knocked the high heels of her yellow leather shoes on the pedals of the car.The driver thought he had reached his destination, so he stopped on the left side of the road.Ms. Mei got out of the car in a daze, gave the driver the money she had prepared for a long time, and hurried along the sidewalk, continuing to think about how to become independent and do the so-called activities of Liang Gangfu and the others.She immediately built many castles in the air, and then overthrew them one by one.She really had no idea about this new venture.She had never paid attention to politics before.And her past life experience has only trained her how to manipulate a petty bureaucrat, politician, or soldier who is somewhat sensual but dare not violate the old morals; Read their inner activities, but cannot sniff out the demands of society from the records in the newspapers. Her steps slowed down, and she looked around helplessly, only then was she surprised that there was still a tramway stop from where she was standing in Pengjuli where she lived. Going into her room in a gloomy mood, she saw the long-awaited letter first.She picked up the envelope to have a look, then put it down again.It was a letter from Xu Qijun from Nanjing.A letter that did nothing to help her present dismay.But his thoughts turned to Xu Qijun.When the ship arrived in Nanjing more than three months ago, the scene of seeing Xu Qijun after a long absence came back to Ms. Mei's memory, especially the midnight conversation in the hotel in Xiaguan.At that time, the clouds of war in Jiangsu and Zhejiang were hanging over the Shanghai-Nanjing Road, and the idioms on the road in Nanjing were all speculations about when the war would break out. Didn’t Xu Qijun also talk about the political situation at that time, and didn’t he also talk about the “anti-straight” political group? How to operate secretly in Nanjing?Didn’t she—Ms. Mei herself—said at that time that she had no interest in politics, and that there were sour words like “gentlemen without the party”?But now, she ran to the opposite side again. Did the faint gunfire heard two months ago boil her blood? Ms. Mei couldn't help smiling wryly, and casually picked up Xu Qijun's letter and tore it open.How strange that there is such a thing!Ms. Mei rubbed her eyes in disbelief, and read the letter from the beginning. It was not clearly written: ... You mentioned that Li Wuji before, but I met him by accident yesterday. You said that he used to pester you, which was very annoying to you, didn't you?Now he has changed. He doesn't look for love, he says it's "boring" love; now he's engaged in political campaigns, maybe you hate him even more because of it?But he knows you are in Shanghai, so he must tell me your address; there is no other way, I have already told him. Ms. Mei opened the letter and lay on the bed thinking.political movement?What a political movement!Maybe it was Liang Gangfu and his party?Is such a manly Li Wuji also in the same group?Ms. Mei really felt that she was right to think of her own business.The people she looked down on were all on the same side, and she herself was regarded as insignificant and untrustworthy; things in the world are so upside down and ridiculous!The indignation really straightened her up.Liang Gangfu, who had always been selfishly respected and loved, now became despicable and insignificant in front of Ms. Mei's eyes. She gradually planned the lessons for herself: read the newspapers carefully, get in touch with political figures from all walks of life, and show Liang Gangfu and the others a proud face.Her antipathy was so great that she felt that this third item was also necessary. But at dinner, Ms. Mei knew that there was a fourth homework waiting for her.Mr. Xie has already found a French teacher for her, he is an old Catholic priest.Ms. Mei had no choice but to promise Mr. French the morning time.But she didn't expect that because of this, she couldn't even go out for a stroll at night.The old pastor is so good that he has to recite new words every day. With all this busy work, all the budgets went awry, but life was much easier, the November calendar was almost halfway through, and the newspapers carried every day many calls for a "National Assembly."Some "public groups" that no one has ever known have suddenly appeared. Today there is a declaration, and tomorrow there is an "express mail instead of telegram". It seems that the hearts of the whole Shanghai are really beating for the "National Assembly".Ms. Mei is no longer in the mood to study those le, la, ies, so she tells a lie first and gives the old pastor ten days to rest.As if to make up for past losses, she ran outside all day.First go to Huang Yinming.Did not see.There was a new group of people in her house, all young people with familiar faces, and there was an extra foreign iron signboard on the gate, which seemed to be "Shanghai Temporary Office for Promoting the National Assembly from All walks of life".But the next morning, Ms. Mei was also crowding in front of the Bund pier on Fada Avenue to watch people welcome the Prime Minister, and suddenly saw Huang Yinming.The Wildcat Lady, in her gray cloth gown, carried a thick stack of printed matter, which she distributed among the crowd. "Yinming! What are you busy with?" Ms. Mei walked behind Huang Yinming and called softly. Huang Yinming seemed taken aback, turned his head quickly, saw that it was Ms. Mei, and replied with a smile. "I haven't seen you for five or six days. Have you moved again? Why don't you notify me!" "No! Have you arrived at Tongfu Road?" "I just went there yesterday. I saw a lot of people, and asked around, but they all said they didn't know; I didn't go upstairs either. " "Oh, they only rent the living room downstairs. They don't know who lives upstairs." "Don't they have anything to do with you?" There was a sudden burst of applause from the crowd in front, with some indistinct shouts interspersed.Huang Yinming didn't answer, stretched his neck and squeezed forward.I could hear the siren too.Ms. Mei cleverly looked out from the gap in the woods around people's necks, and saw a small steamer approaching the pier, and beside the iron railing at the entrance of the pier, half of her body suddenly protruded from the undulating head, round and fat. With a purple sauce face, fat hands with long sleeves in a toga, holding a piece of red paper, he sang something in a blue and blue official accent, but what reached people's ears was only the two words "Long live" on the tail. ". Ms. Mei couldn't stand the violent crowding, she struggled to get out, and went to live in Lunanli. Looking back, several Annan policemen had already dispersed the noisy crowd there.The people who were disbanded also ran to the south of the road.Ms. Mei let the crowd go forward, about one tram stop away, she just consciously looked at the people next to her shoulder, but found Liang Gangfu on the left.The eccentric boy was smiling at her. The two walked side by side without saying a word.Not long after they arrived at the three-fork intersection, they had already left with the large group scattered on the pier, leaving only the two of them; Liang Gangfu was about to turn with his body half sideways, but he tilted his head and asked Ms. Mei: "I haven't seen you for a long time, have you entered the school?" "No. I'm free every day." "What are you going to do now?" "Walking casually, aimlessly. But—I met Huang Yinming on the pier. After being crowded with people, I got lost again. I'm afraid she's still looking for me there." "I won't look for you. She still has something to do." "Then, let's break up too, you must have something else to do!" Liang Gangfu smiled again, but without answering, he walked a few more steps with his head down, and suddenly said resolutely: "Come and sit with me for a while!" Ms. Mei glanced at him knowingly, and followed him to catch a tram that was about to leave. The tram was going west, and when it stopped at the first stop, someone threw a stack of papers through the window, and it happened to land on Ms. Mei.Ms. Mei picked up a leaflet and looked at it. It was still a leaflet about the "National Assembly" and signed "Shanghai Association for the Promotion of National Assembly".Then the house in Tongfu Road flashed in Ms. Mei's mind again.She looked up at Liang Gangfu, but saw a smile on the corner of his mouth, as if he had just greeted some acquaintance.This led to Ms. Qiu Min's words of advocacy for Liang Gangfu last time, and gently disturbed Ms. Mei's thinking.Is it true that this slender young man in front of him can't be taken lightly?Ms. Mei had to think about how to deal with it. But before she could make up her mind, Liang Gangfu told her to get off the car.They walked into a very clean and spacious alley, and stopped in front of the brand-new Shikumen.Ms. Mei caught a glimpse of a wooden sign on the door, which seemed to be a lawyer's office. Liang Gangfu lived in the wing room upstairs.The layout here is very elegant, and a bit luxurious; Western-style furniture, a full shelf of books, no "De Li Tu", but a copperplate map of nudes standing on the table with a delicate wooden stand. "This place is newly moved in, so please come and appreciate it." The conversation started like this. To Ms. Mei's surprise, Liang Gangfu dropped his usual cold face and turned into a humorous one.Moreover, the situation in his hometown, which has never been mentioned much, has usurped the main topic because of Liang Gangfu's inquiry.Gradually, talking back to Shanghai, Liang Gangfu lit a second cigarette and asked solemnly: "I'm not going back to Sichuan. What are you doing in Shanghai? What's the plan, what's the policy?" "I seem to have told you that I have invited someone to take French tuition and plan to go abroad." Liang Gangfu smiled with his eyebrows, but there were wrinkles of disbelief on his lips; he took a puff of cigarette and said slowly: "I do believe it, but you may not believe that the well-known Ms. Mei will be bound tightly by books, and completely forget that she is a frequent visitor to events!" A faint blush flitted across Ms. Mei's face.She felt that Liang Gangfu's sarcasm had more to say, at least he wanted to seduce her true meaning.She deliberately asked: "So studying abroad is simply boring?" "It's not all boring. But it can't be said that they don't have an accompanying goal. Arm Ru, get a title to prepare to be the wife of a minister, or a female celebrity. But you don't look like it. Maybe it's disdain, maybe there are not so many Be patient, maybe you don’t like to dream too happily, in short, your current thinking doesn’t fit this path.” The answer was a drawn-out smile, which suddenly disappeared, and Ms. Mei seemed to say sincerely: "Since you said that, I dismissed the meaning; I'll be in Shanghai to watch your new trick." Ms. Mei said the word "you" very forcefully, wanting to see how Liang Gangfu's narrow eyes lost his composure; she really didn't expect the following answer: "It should be said to join our new trick, don't make yourself too calm!" Feeling that it would be boring to gossip, Ms. Mei nodded frankly.This was followed by a diplomatic statement by Liang Gangfu.From Ms. Mei's ears, there are two main points: Liang Gangfu's girlfriends, including Huang Yinming, plan to organize a women's association and are seeking members; It is hoped that a veteran like Ms. Mei who has many acquaintances in various fields and is good at dealing with bureaucrats and politicians will help. "Would you like to include Qiu Min?" Seeing that Liang Gangfu had nothing to say, Ms. Mei asked casually without expressing any attitude. "Who? Well, is it Zhang Dacheng's lover? Also one. Then, you already have two acquaintances. When we meet in the future, we must still know each other." "Okay. See you in the future. Huang Yinming knows my Where to live, she can come to me." Ms. Mei stood up and said, took another glance at the gorgeous room, and left. It was almost noon.The rush and chaos of the city flowed on the road as usual.Ms. Mei took a rickshaw to go back to her apartment. On the way, she saw two Jiangbei children who were "scavenging waste" twist their pigtails and fight. A thick stack of paper was crushed under their muddy feet; another older child was clapping beside him. Laughing and shouting: "Well played! Well done! If the tread is broken, everyone will lose!" Ms. Mei squinted and took a look, thinking that those pieces of paper were leaflets scattered on the pier two or three hours ago.Her heart suddenly darkened.Feelings of melancholy sent her home. That afternoon, Huang Yinming came to find him.At the beginning, it was about the women's association. Huang Yinming, assuming that Ms. Mei is already a person, explained in detail how to start organizing, how to do activities now, what goals in the future, and so on.Her frankness and enthusiasm left a good impression on Ms. Mei, but did not completely eliminate the melancholy that Ms. Mei caused on the road.Waiting quietly for Huang Yinming to finish speaking, Ms. Mei mentioned what she saw on the road, obviously showing some disappointment in her tone. “这也是意中事呀。我们不能太奢望，以为每一粒种子必落在肥土里生根长芽。自然中间免不了有损失，自然有些种子是落在沙地上了，或是被鸟雀啄食去了，我们应该有勇气来估量这些损失。” 黄因明很兴奋地回答。这几句话还是前天她从梁刚夫那里听来的，现在恰好就应用到了。 梅女士抿着嘴笑，不作声。 “你是赞成了罢？希望你明天后就去和秋敏接洽，她是专干这件事的。我还有事，不多坐了，再见。” 又是秋敏！蓦地一团不高兴从梅女士胸口滚出来。她很想问问：“那不是没有什么大意思的'女人'么？为什么又拉着她？”但是到底缩住了，只抓起黄因明的手来亲热地捏一下，真心地笑着说： “是你的事，我都愿意帮忙的！” 这一句极平常的话，却使得黄因明愕然。她尖利地瞥了梅女士一眼，脚下放慢了些，似乎还有话，但在看过手表以后，终于微笑着走了。 在梅女士自己呢，决不感到这句话有什么值得惊异，因而也就完全不曾理会到黄因明的片刻的愕然。而且她决不肯承认这是表面的敷衍。她是凭良心这样说的，她又是凭经验而如是感想的。在她生活过程中的一切印象都不过是她帮助了别人或是别人帮助了她。永不曾有过一件事使她感得个人以外尚有群的存在。即使曾经感得，那便是压迫她的“群”，便是她在泸州充教员时所遇到的“二女师派”。即使她也常常说社会呀，团体呀，但是这只等于说一个学校，一个公署，她并没在那里认识了“群”的意识。即使五六天前她曾经有意地打算做一些群的工作，打算独立门户干政治运动，和梁刚夫他们比一比，那也无非是心高气傲的一时兴感，正和从前在泸州时打算有意地反对陆校长和张逸芳一般。至于女性的群，在梅女士是同样地不觉得存在：她自来就受过许多女子的倾轧侮蔑。所以现在她答应了黄因明的邀请，也无非是黄因明对她坦白，而且梁刚夫也找她帮忙，这个少年虽然有时使她激恼，但有更多的时候使她想念，使她不由自主地在心里只管爱他。 而况她的天性又是动的，向前的，不甘寂寞的。她所受的“五四”的思潮是关于个人主义，自我权利，自由发展，这一方面，仅仅最初接到的托尔斯泰思想使她还保留着一些对于合理生活的憧憬，对于人和人融和地相处的渴望，而亦赖此潜在力将她轰出成都，而且命令她用战士的精神往前冲！天赋的个性和生活中感受的思想和经验，就构成她这永远没有确定的信仰，然而永远是望着空白的前途坚决地往前冲的性格！ 在这样复杂的心境下，梅女士对于目前所给与的使命也就很有兴味去干。她找过了秋敏，很耐烦地听完她那些杂乱的半牢骚半夸口的说话，她又会过了其余的几位女士；终于在三四天后，她就担任了一部分的工作。 和秋敏是每天会面的了。妇女会尚没正式成立，可是秋敏已经担任了“总务”；没有一个人知道她的“总务”是怎样产生的，但既已俨然是“总务”，她就常常要支配别人的事务。对于这个现象，梅女士因为正在高兴地活动，便很不乐意。两三位别的会员也抱着同样的态度。有一密司李和密司吴曾经在梅女士面前说过这样的话： “看见秋女士那样忙，我真觉得心里难过。只她一个人会干，我们都是饭桶！” “可是她也焦头烂额了。你听她刚才的一番话！东抓一把，西抓一把，乱七八糟，简直叫人摸不到头路。我倒很想再请教几句，弄弄明白，但是看见她声嘶力竭的样子，到底不好意思再多嘴！” “咄！你是饭桶，所以弄不明白，反倒说人家乱七八糟呀！” 密司李冷冷地说，斜过眼去偷看梅女士的面孔，又对密司吴努着嘴微笑。显然她们把梅女士看作秋敏的党羽。这便超过了梅女士忍耐的范围，一句久藏的问话便落出来了： “究竟是谁举她做这总务？” 密司吴和密司李出惊地睁大了眼睛，但随即同声说： “你也不知道么？那就没有人知道了。” 梅女士自然辨出这话里有刺，十分不舒服；然而也只能笑一下，更不作声，就离开那两位女士。她模糊地觉得这所谓妇女会背后有一个东西在指挥，这从秋敏无意中流露的什么“这是已经决定了的，那是已经接洽好的，”一类的话，也可以看出来。自然她也猜到梁刚夫也许是内幕中的一人，她曾经问过黄因明，但这位猫女士只回答了微笑，似乎又要叮嘱梅女士“不要多管和自己不相干的事”。假使黄因明肯爽直地告诉了底蕴，那么梅女士一定还要说：为什么挑中了这位不孚人望的秋敏！ 这些疑团横在梅女士胸口，并没使她行动上消极，只使她更愤愤，同时对于秋敏的蔑视也加多了几分。两个人中间的争吵也渐渐有了。即使是极不相干的琐事，最初秋敏一定要摆出严重的神气，表示只有她想得到，别人都不行。而这却就是梅女士所最不能忍，她冷冷地批评了。于是照例秋敏一定要坚持自己的主张，把一对实在可说是愚蠢的大眼睛凸得很出，像个大金鱼；但在梅女士几句极尖锐的攻击以后，那一双凸出的大眼睛便成了死鱼的眼睛，照例是什么话都没有了，只有额角上坟起的红筋像一些小蚯蚓。但这种窘相，与其说能够引起梅女士的怜悯，不如说更能引起厌憎。 然而妇女会的事总还在作曲线进行，并且快要正式成立了。轰传已久的国民会议也有民众自动召集在北京开预备会的风说。当然这怀胎中的妇女会也得准备派什么代表去参加罢！但最紧要的工作还是赶快把它产生。为了这些，几位女士又在秋敏家里谈了半天光景。照例又是秋敏的“虾子跳”式的永远不让人家捉到头绪的说话做了开场白，接着便是密司李和密司吴的半痛不痒的冷讽，梅女士的锋快的驳诘。另外几位闭着嘴微笑。并且还是照例地无结果地被解释成无异议的一致默议。 从秋敏家里出来，梅女士遇到了久不会面的黄因明。今天这位黄女士忽然穿了好看的衣服，而且脸上也好像擦着粉。她招呼了梅女士，站在路旁谈过几句，就要分手，却又回头来问： “你们进行得很好，快开成立会了罢？” 梅女士知道是指那个妇女会，便勾起一腔心事，淡淡地回答： “也许勉强可以开成。但是你，怎么只挂了名，老不见你来办事？” “有你们就行了。是不是？” “不行，简直不行！” 梅女士说的极郑重，所以黄因明不能不回身来等待详细的说明了。梅女士把秋敏的乖张无能略述一番，气哼哼地结束着说： “大家都不满意。你来看一趟就知道。早就想告诉你，可是碰不到。好了，今天你明白了罢，以后还是请你自己去。我已经厌烦到极顶。” 黄因明沉吟着不作声，后来才说： “你去找梁刚夫对他说罢。要秋敏来干也是他的主张。今天没有工夫，明后天我们再细细谈罢。” 梅女士看了黄因明一眼，点点头就走了。她总算无意中解决了一个疑问，却是随即生出第二个疑问：是梁刚夫的主张？难道他以为秋敏是人才，他是这样的没眼光？ 太阳光斜射在梅女士脸上，风吹动她的呢夹袍。她慢慢地走着，愈是往深处想，不知不觉便到了寓处了。刚一进门，就听得谢老先生的磔磔的笑声从那个作为客厅用的楼下厢房里出来。梅女士带便望一下，不料回头来对她微笑的，正是李无忌，还是从前那样一头乱蓬蓬的长头发，不过那对细眼睛却比较的有精神。 “哈，哈，我说是该回来了罢！幸而你不走。” 谢老先生抓着颏下的胡子根，又高声笑了起来。于是开始了杂乱的寒暄和一些滑到嘴边的旧话。当李无忌提起他是一个月前在南京做了报馆记者，谈话就转到了沪宁一带的时事和全国的政局。谢老先生忽然拉长了脸说： “所以，李世兄，刚才你的话，一点不错；什么国民会议，简直是'不'民会议。就像鄙人，总不能不说是堂堂国民一份子罢。然而半个月来，鄙人只做自己的《李杜优劣论》——咳，快要脱稿了，那时，再呈教；鄙人既不问国民会议，亦没有人来问我。而且朋友中间偶然谈起时事，从没有人提起了这个。那不是许多'国民'全不知道有这一回事么？什么国民会议？简直'买空卖空'的勾当！咳，'买空卖空'，李世兄，你这考语，真对极了，对极了！” “老先生的话顶真！所以我们的狮子周报要反对呀！” 李无忌很得意地说，同时把眼光斜溜到梅女士脸上。 “咳，哦——你们报上用文言，很好；还有律诗罢？鄙人此调不弹久矣。啊，有些旧作，拿出来请你鉴赏鉴赏。” 谢老先生矍铄地站起来，又连声说着“少陪”，就跑出去了。Ms. Mei couldn't help pursing her lips into a smile.她想起谢老先生这本“旧作”，极应该缝个布口袋来装着挂在腰下，为的他只要三句话投契，便准定要拿出来请鉴赏的。但是她的惘念被李无忌一句不寻常的问话遮断了。 “梅，听说你很活动，真的么？” 看见梅女士微笑着不回答，李无忌又接下去说： “刚才听谢老先生说你见天跑出去。我就猜到了你一定在那里干什么。好，隔开了三四年，我们大家都把青春时代的梦做醒，大家朝着政治活动的方向走了。我希望我们不会走了反对的方向。你对于我们的报，有什么意见呢？” “什么报？” “就是《醒狮》呀！最近的一期也出来了，有几篇好文章。” 李无忌很郑重地说，万料不到《醒狮》这名儿在梅女士的印象中非常淡漠；自然她也见过这种刊物，但因为是文言，又加以她最不喜欢的密麻夹圈，所以始终没有拿起来读过。现在看见李无忌那样卖弄的神气，她不禁诙谐地说： “对不起，简直没有拜读过。狮子什么的，和我无缘！” 李无忌一怔，急忙地挺脖子将乱头发掀往后些，就迫不及待地追问着： “那么，你的政治立场是什么呢？你活动的是哪一方面？我们总不至于相反罢？梅，上海是五方杂处，最容易叫人上当的地方，有一些拿了卢布的人，正在收买青年，叫人家呐喊，他们自己却躲在三层楼洋房里快活。他们特别要利用女子。梅，也许你没有碰到这班恶鬼；但如果你碰到了时，恐怕也看不出他们的本相，他们的脸上都是笑迷迷地怪可爱的——” “你知道这班人么？你认识这班人么？” 梅女士不耐烦地打断了李无忌的雄辩。 “认识？我怎么会认识他们！” “你说他们脸上是笑迷迷地怪可爱的，就好像你一定认识。” “呵，这不过是推论出来的公式。想利用人的，总得有张笑脸。他们对付女子的手段就是先用爱情的网。女子是没有定见的，爱人是什么，她也就成了什么。所以我劝你还是到南京去罢。在这里，很——不好。” 梅女士的爆发的笑声，使得李无忌说不下去了。而且厢房门外，已经高响着谢老先生的唱诗调子，他捧着竹纸草订的小本子，一路摇肩膀进来，笑着说： “小玩意儿，小玩意儿。虽然是小玩意儿，逊清末年的掌故都在这里了。” 现在李无忌看得很明白，再没有他说话的余地了。谢老先生吟诗的声音占据了这个厢房。于是在十几次的点头赞好以后，李无忌不能不告别了。他给梅女士一张小纸： “这是我的住址。大概要在上海逗留十多天，请你有工夫时来谈谈。” 李无忌走后，暮色也就来了。梅女士想着要去找梁刚夫，但是什么卢布，利用，爱情的网，一切从李无忌嘴里说出来的奇怪东西都不曾跟了李无忌去，却沉重地压在梅女士心上；她迷乱地坐着想着，待到猛醒似的抖落了这些杂念的霉毛，决意要去找梁刚夫，却已经太晚了。 第二天上午又是法文课。梅女士挨过了那自定的一小时，从老牧师家里出来，顺路便到梁刚夫的寓处。天空布满阴云，时间是十点多。梅女士走进那挂着大律师招牌的乌油大门时，看见二房东律师家的女仆对她扁着嘴用半个脸笑。女性特有的敏感便领导梅女士到一些狐疑，一些猜测。她的脚下轻了慢了，机械地到了楼上厢房的门外时，看见门是关着，却听得梁刚夫的声音： “你这没出息的东西，这样偷偷摸摸，自欺欺人，你就满意？” 接着是半声哑笑。 “我举荐一个人来代替自己，行不行？” 这又是梁刚夫的声音，而同时梅女士已经推着门进去。 很使她惊异，房中的另一个人却是秋敏。于是刚才听到的两句本来不足奇的话语立刻在梅女士心里生了新的意义。她觉得自己脸上紧绷绷地不能镇静，她又看见秋敏凸出了眼睛像要跳起来吃人的怪兽。 梁刚夫是照常的冷静，招呼梅女士坐下，他便很自然地谈下去： “密司梅，我来发表些意见。这里有一个问题：封建思想坚持一女不事二夫；资本主义的社会承认离婚再嫁各凭自由，可是仍旧免不了未离婚前偷偷摸摸的性的关系。我们说，这是资本主义社会矛盾的一例；但是也有别的解释，以为原因在女子太不中用，既然有强烈的性欲冲动，却又没有足够的勇气去离婚。刚才密司秋很抱怨男子不能做柳下惠。她说女子富于感情，是抵挡不住诱惑的。我不是女子，不能下断语。 请问你的意见？ " “我就不相信有什么抵挡不住的诱惑！” 梅女士很有把握地说，眼睛却瞧着秋敏。 似乎这宣言太胆大了，或者是离题太远，太带着个人色彩了，一时静悄悄地竟没有回声。随后是秋敏微笑着站起来，报答了梅女士的睨视，含着双关的意义说： “说不定小孩子正在家里哭，我要回去了；你们在这里研究诱惑和抵抗罢！” 梅女士看着窗外，一动也不动，似乎没有听得这句刺耳的话。她的心里却在忖量：仍旧将妇女会的一团糟告诉梁刚夫么？怪道黄因明说是梁刚夫一力维持秋敏？算了罢，“事不关己莫多问”，可不是黄因明屡次这么叮嘱！主意决定了，梅女士回过脸来，刚好看见秋敏的已在门外的后影。忽然她又转身对房内的两位瞪了一眼，便把房门用力碰上，又连声冷笑，似乎在说：那就爽爽快快给你们方便罢！ 这以后，房里暂时沉默。梁刚夫也许在搜索谈话的材料，但梅女士却又改变了主意，在斟酌着发言的次序了，终于她用这样的一句话开始： “秋敏谈起过妇女会的事么？” “谈过。据说一切都很顺利，当真的罢？” “自然是真的。秋敏很会办事。” “这倒是不料的呵！” 然而这句话在梅女士也是同样的不料。她对梁刚夫瞅了一眼，慢慢地接着说： “可惜她还有两桩本领不曾用出来：发牢骚和说大话。如果她也用了出来，大家的态度更消极，事情就更容易办了。”“什么？更消极？据她说大家都很佩服，很听她的指挥呢？ 难道都是说谎吹牛？ " 梁刚夫站起来说，虽然声音还是照常冷静，可是脸上稍稍变色了。 “也不一定是她存心要说谎。刚才有一句话落到我耳朵里：这样偷偷摸摸，自欺欺人，就满意。不错，秋敏的行动倒是一贯的，不论是玩恋爱的把戏，或是办妇女会。本来这些都和我不相干，我大可不来多嘴，但是我想来叫人家知道我并不是糊里糊涂完全不明白自己是在被利用，也是应该的！谢谢你，从前你给我警告：上海太复杂，我会迷路。现在我倒领教过这怎样的复杂了，原来不过是互相偷偷摸摸，欺人自欺而已！算了，再会。” 梅女士一口气说完，转身就走，不愿再听什么回答的恶语以至减少了自己的胜利。她心里轻松松地，总算是一个月前从梁刚夫那里所受到的冷落和不信任，还有最近秋敏那里所受到的看不过的闷气，现在是一古脑儿报了仇。 但当她走到房门边再回眸时，看见梁刚夫直挺挺地站在房中央，脸上浮着不甚介意样子的微笑，竟丝毫没有狼狈和惊恐的神气，那种胜利之感，便又在梅女士心里开始消褪，她是在惘然的不稳定中走下了楼梯。