Chapter 12 Nine

It is three days later.In Huang Yinming's small room, the sun lingered lazily, as if he was also meditating.After the long talk, the two ladies revealed a bit of tiredness.Ms. Mei lowered her head to look at her toes, her heart was in a state of confusion, and she couldn't tell whether it was pleasure or emotion.But the anger that I didn't know why yesterday and the day before yesterday also dissipated.Now she feels that although Qiu Min is hateful, she is pitiful after all.Aren't humans fragile and ambitious? ——especially women!When the occasional coincidence and passion broke out, she would blindly fall into a love that she was not satisfied with; and when another chance coincidence and passion broke out, she would cling to another man, trying to make up for her. The joy of long-overdue love.

Like gentle scratching, these thoughts sent Ms. Mei into a semi-conscious state, and then she was startled by Huang Yinming's critical conclusion: "So I don't think there is anything wrong with Liang Gangfu's attitude in this regard. Two years ago, who was not an impulsive person? The trend of the May Fourth Movement only gave us two paths: abandon all old beliefs, and keep everything as it is." Let’s create according to our own beliefs! But what can our empty minds create? As a result, we have to follow the impulse! This impulse caused the complicated relationship between Liang Gangfu and Qiu Min two years ago. They kept it from Zhang Dacheng It shouldn't be. But, Mei, imagine how each of them felt at that time: How did Qiu Min recognize Liang Gangfu's personality, but he was tired of Zhang Dacheng's middle-aged mediocrity, and hoped to get a little stab in his secret love; as for Liang Gangfu He admitted that it was a momentary sexual impulse. Of course he is not a sage, a superman, he cannot resist the temptation of a woman. At that time, they all thought it was just a dream. If it ends like this, maybe my contempt for Qiu Min will be less But now they meet again, Liang Gangfu is no longer the impulsive person he used to be, he has brought himself into a more meaningful life, but Qiu Min still clings to him!"

Huang Yinming suddenly stood up and took a few steps.This last sentence, spoken so angrily and with such concern, seems to reflect the normality that a third party should have. It is not an empty name or symbol, but an expression abstracted from individual things, so Ms. Mei's troubled heart I can't help but have another complicated feeling.Her eyes followed Huang Yinming's footsteps, and she didn't make a sound. Huang Yinming turned around and smiled, and continued: "Yes, she still clings. We can sympathize with her past behavior, but she is a nuisance now! She is regressing day by day, boring! Let's talk about another matter. You still have a women's association. thing, okay?"

Ms. Mei pursed her lips and smiled, then shook her head in answer. "Are you still a bit grumpy about Qiu Min? Why bother! The Women's Association is not Qiu Min's business alone, and you are not doing it for her; furthermore, it is not Mei's business, you are alone. This is bigger than you, me, and her." The crowd. Mei, if you are willing to go back to Chengdu and live your old life again, then you don’t need to say anything; but now you are going to Shanghai To live a meaningful life, you should first put aside those personal feelings and opinions." Huang Yinming sat down again to discuss.Her gloomy eyes were a little red with excitement.

"I don't see any great meaning about crowds in there." Ms. Mei expressed her dissent lightly.But her tone didn't have the smell of decadence and boredom, on the contrary, it was very agitated.Her slender eyebrows raised slightly, as if she still had something to say, but was interrupted by Huang Yinming's voice: "What's the point of saying you can't see it!" "Yes! It's nothing but narrow-minded girls and wives, with mouths full of 'Yes, yes, yes, yes'; heart! A hundred censures, a hundred sneers. And there's more! Little girls like hares, schoolgirls. It's hard for them to jump around, but the more they dance, the more chaotic they become. The way things are, even things that are worthwhile become dull. I don't like it. Besides, with Girls and wives doing negotiations, I have long been tired of. I like to move and not like to be quiet. I like to take dangerous roads. I want to do it happily! The winding road I walked in my hometown, I didn’t expect it to be winding here! "

After a few seconds, Huang Yinming replied slowly: "A happy thing? In the future. The twists and turns in front of you are preparing for a happy future. You said that the lady's gentle behavior makes you impatient, but in China where everything is behind, we can't hope too much; in China The only way for women to do their best for society is to engage in the women's movement. Only patience can wake up the girls and wives!" "And you? Why don't you do it?" Ms. Mei grabbed the second half of Huang Yinming's words and refuted them. Huang Yinming smiled, glanced at Ms. Mei attentively, and did not answer.So what Li Wuji said about "use" suddenly beat in Ms. Mei's heart again. "Is this also a kind of use? Pushing the gray and annoying things to others." Such feelings also surfaced in Ms. Mei's consciousness.But her strong curiosity overwhelmed all distracting thoughts.As if wanting to drive away those feelings, she shook her body, walked up to Huang Yinming and said:

"I decided not to do it, please forgive me. I thought Qiu Min's method was wrong yesterday, but now I think she did it very well. The girls and wives who don't say anything but criticize in their hearts are probably only arranged by Qiu Min's old face. Only the method can deal with the past; the female student jumping around like a hare also fits well with Qiu Min's haste. Forget it, I take back everything I said before today. I also want to completely change my life before today After I arrived in Shanghai, I became a mirror, seeing others, but not myself. From now on, I have to make some plans and decide my new route. First, I want to move. I’m staying here. I’ve always had new things to do when I’m in a new environment. Yinming, let’s find a place to live together!”

Seeing Huang Yinming's hesitant look, Ms. Mei said again: "Do you think I can't live as frugally as you do?" Huang Yinming smiled, but before answering, the door opened a crack, revealing half of Liang Gangfu's face.But Ms. Mei didn't see it, she still asked: "Is there any inconvenience? I've already taken a fancy to a house, it's very cheap, the day after tomorrow..." Before she finished speaking, Liang Gangfu was already standing in front of them coldly.Some unfavorable ripples immediately spread across Ms. Mei's chest, only suppressed around her lips, and quickly changed into a careless smile.

"Just in time. There is a problem that is difficult to solve." Huang Yinming looked at Liang Gangfu and said in an exaggerated tone; she was very happy to have this opportunity to escape from Ms. Mei's questioning. "Moving? It's a problem, but it's not difficult to solve." "It's not about moving. Mi Simi doesn't want to be a member of the Women's Association anymore. I'm here to persuade her." "However, what I'm trying to persuade you here is that we have moved and we live together." Ms. Mei hurriedly interjected, and couldn't help smiling at Liang Gangfu.

"That would be easier. You can easily make an exchange." Liang Gangfu also smiled, turned his body sideways, and lay on Huang Yinming's bed, looking up at the ceiling. Huang Yinming didn't smile, and said the opinion that Ms. Mei had expressed just now, looking straight at Liang Gangfu, as if a primary school student was endorsing a book in front of the teacher.Ms. Mei pursed her lips and smiled, but in her heart she was recalling the secret incident between Liang Gangfu and Qiu Min that Huang Yinming said.Suddenly her smile disappeared.Huang Yinming's remark made an angry remark beyond the attitude of the third party: "But now, Qiu Min is still entangled with him!" He came back to Ms. Mei's ear forcefully.Then the image of Liang Gangfu lying on Huang Yinming's bed unceremoniously flashed in front of his eyes.Then there was some strange unhappiness that was not what a third party should have, and it pulled Ms. Mei away from the current reality like a puff of smoke.She looked at Liang Gangfu's calm face, and then at Huang Yinming's moving lips.But nothing was understood.Suddenly Liang Gangfu stood up from the bed, and his clear words broke Ms. Mei's bewilderment:

"Very well, you two live together." "A quid pro quo? Your old tune! But there's no quid pro quo in this case." Huang Yinming replied immediately. "Naturally, it's not an exchange. Since Mi Sime intends to exchange the environment, we should help her." These words sounded very pleasing to Ms. Mei's ears, but when she thought about it again, she felt that there was a hint of seeing her as incompetent and ignorant, and she became depressed after being happy.At the same time, Liang Gangfu throws a rather awkward question: "However, Mismei, what kind of new life are you looking forward to?" Ms. Mei pondered and couldn't answer right away.She does not have a definite goal; nor does she consciously plan an ideal future pattern.And it is inconvenient for her to say that because she saw "you have a secret, I want to spy on it".She was really embarrassed.But in a hurry, she suddenly recalled a long discussion when Li Wuji visited her for the second time the day before yesterday, so she couldn't wait to think about it carefully, so she picked up a few sentences to prevaricate Liang Gangfu's questioning: "That, I can only give a rough idea. For example, I used to oppose the old forces. I ran away from home, lived alone, and later officially divorced. I didn't fail in the end, but what good did it do for the country? Not at all. When I was in Sichuan, I couldn’t see any country, but after coming here for a few months, I gradually saw it. The influence of foreigners here reminded me that I am a Chinese, and I should bear part of the responsibility To make China as rich and strong as foreign countries. I hope to have a stable government that does not betray the country. Internal affairs, diplomacy, education, and industry are all on the right track. Then, I can do what I want with peace of mind. " Liang Gangfu shook his head calmly, but before he could answer, Huang Yinming's shrill voice overtook him: "Do you want to wait for the adults in power to fix the country? Not even for a lifetime!" "Of course we don't stand by and wait for others. We are also responsible." "But Mi Sime, you have to remember that China's door is not closed. She can't do housework freely, and there are always foreigners manipulating there, and the government of the authorities will not be stable if it doesn't betray the country first." Liang Gangfu frowned and said slowly. "So if you wish to have a government that does not betray the country, it is simply a dream!" Huang Yinming added another sentence. "Oh, then there is no hope, and what kind of national assembly is going on!" Ms. Mei also retorted very angrily. "Don't be busy, just listen. You already know that the ultimate purpose of the National Assembly is to establish a government born of the will of the people. If a real government of the people is established, it will be different. But foreigners must help secretly. A traitorous government, warlords and bureaucrats, to prevent the emergence of a real government of the people.—” "Down with imperialism first!" Looking at Liang Gangfu's words, Huang Yinming hurriedly inserted another sentence. "Also, Mismei, you want China to be as rich and powerful as foreign countries. Well, if it can be done, I can reluctantly agree with half of it. But do you know how foreign countries get rich and powerful? Fright, you say it's their industry. For the sake of development. You want to say that we can also develop industry. Who is called to develop industry? Oh, we have capitalists. But don’t forget that Chinese capitalists are dependent on foreigners. How can they have the courage to resist them? Foreign masters? They can only rely on the influence of foreigners to exploit the Chinese people, as long as they can leave a few small money to build foreign-style houses in the concession for their aunts and wives, that is the best hope." "So you hope that the capitalists in China will live up to their expectations, but it is also a dream!" Huang Yinming said loudly, as if he had made a conclusion on behalf of Liang Gangfu. From Ms. Mei's side, there was no response.She looked at Liang Gangfu's calm face and pondered there.Seeing that she was refuted, she was a little unwilling, but she searched every fiber of her mind, and finally couldn't think of an appropriate answer.The article Li Wuji told her about making the country rich and the army strong did not include materials to refute Liang Gangfu.The treasury of her own mind had never been prepared for such questions.Now the only things that come to her mind are some broken terms: bright life, happy life, old ethics, overthrowing idols, rebellion, leaving the family and going to society!These terms, however, are obviously useless in the present case. After a few minutes of silence, Ms. Mei managed to pick up the thread of the interrupted conversation: "According to you, what should we do?" "This is a very long story. To put it simply, we must first expose foreigners, our own government, warlords, bureaucrats, and capitalists. This is a chain of practice, so that everyone is awakened; when the people are awakened, they will become a force." Liang Gangfu suddenly hesitated, as if he had some scruples and was inconvenient to speak out.This cannot escape Ms. Mei's sharp eyes.Seizing the opportunity, she was about to pull herself out of that embarrassing position and change the direction of the conversation.She smiled, and went on: "But your current activities seem to be more than that." Liang Gangfu also laughed, and quickly glanced at Huang Yinming again, only giving a very vague answer: "Things are coming, who can predict them? Society is alive and changing all the time. We can't prescribe rigid steps. Our society and our business are not standing in the blank history. In a single page we are never free to choose a time or a method, with so many forces, visible and invisible, pulling us around and influencing us. Anyway, it's a long story. I can introduce Here are some books for you." While speaking, Liang Gangfu had already stood up, showing that he was about to leave, and suddenly he asked solemnly: "One more thing: Miss Mei, why did you suddenly think of living with Huang Yinming?" "It didn't come to me suddenly. I have long hated Mr. Xie, an expert on traditional Chinese studies. Let's move out to live alone, and I feel lonely. If Yinming is definitely not willing, there is no way. Do you still agree to it?" Ms. Mei made the last sentence louder.Her genius observation ability has already felt that Liang Gangfu's special inquiry is the dross of some concerns that he hadn't thought of before. "Yes to the end!" Liang Gangfu answered tit for tat, smiled at the two ladies, and left. After talking for a few more minutes, Huang Yinming finally agreed to Ms. Mei's request. That night, Ms. Mei went to Qiqiang Middle School, where Li Wuji lived, to answer the interview and to tell him that he was about to move.After returning from Huang Yinming, Ms. Mei once thought carefully about what Liang Gangfu said.She couldn't accept Liang Gangfu's argument rationally, although she couldn't find any rebuttals; but somehow, Liang Gangfu attracted her, and sparked a long-standing love deep in her heart.After all, she could see that not only Qiu Min, but even Huang Yinming didn't seem to have caught this calm young man.It is this kind of calmness with the head held high that is particularly attractive to Ms. Mei. There is no moon, but the stars are bright.The street lights are dim.The dark school building squatted among the pigeon cage-like private houses, which gave Ms. Mei a bad impression at first.She felt that this was a lot of trouble.The reason why she came here to report the move was because she didn't want people to guess what she was doing secretly; she was always upright and conceited. After finally finding a room number and waiting for a long time, Li Wuji came out with a smile on his face, holding a copy of "Awakening the Lion" in his hand, and said solemnly: "This is the latest issue, the first one from the printing shelf, and I give it to you for a sneak peek." Ms. Mei took it with a smile, rolled it into a tube, tapped her knee lightly, and mentioned that she wanted to move. "Very good. I'm also a little afraid of the old gentleman's talkativeness. Nanjing, you don't like to go. Then—yes, I have a friend, a couple, who live on Baylor Road. The place is very quiet. You can move there. It couldn't be better." Before Ms. Mei could finish speaking, Li Wuji rushed to introduce the place. "Thank you. But I have found the house." Ms. Mei replied with a smile, and casually threw the tube-shaped "Lion Awakening" on the coffee table. "Do you live alone?" It was a hasty inquiry. "There is another companion." Li Wuji's thin eyes flashed strangely.It seems that the leisurely method of straightening his neck is no longer suitable for the current emergency situation. He hastily copied his long fluffy hair back with both hands, and seemed to say to himself hesitantly: "Probably a girlfriend!" Li Wuji heaved a sigh of relief after receiving a smiling nod, raised his voice and continued: "It's a pity that it's late. Otherwise, my friend's house would be the right place." Inquiring about the location again, inquiring about the girlfriend's name.Ms. Mei told everything, and she stood up and wanted to say goodbye.But Li Wuji still had a stomach full of words to vent.He insisted on Ms. Mei: "Look, it's only eight o'clock. The students here have another dormitory, and the teachers don't live on campus, so the quietness is different from that in southern Sichuan. When it is so quiet in southern Sichuan, it is at least eleven o'clock. It's still early, let's talk about it later. Let's talk." With such enthusiastic persuasion, Li Wuji subconsciously picked up the tube-shaped "Lion Awakening" on the coffee table and unfolded it, and suddenly added a sentence with a bit of emotion: "The old couple has long since dispersed. Who would have thought that three or four years later, thousands of miles away, I would meet you again!" Ms. Mei couldn't help but let out a cry as if in response.The dimly lit reception room in front of her, from the white-to-yellow powder walls to the messy and dilapidated furnishings, all reminded her of the old temple-like schools in the past.Moreover, the person in front of her who is holding her back to talk to him has been so eager to follow her before.Is personnel affairs really like a revolving door, with twists and turns, and finally returns to the same track?Ms. Mei slightly raised her eyes to look at Li Wuji.The appearance of this tall woman is different from before; the faint complexion that she was looking for has disappeared under some new fine wrinkles, but there is even a look of certainty or something that is more embellished. Bad presence. Smiling unconsciously, Ms. Mei said: "Now that you're engaged in political activities, it's more interesting than being a teacher." "Do you think so? But three years ago, I may also feel that the current life is not cute. Yes, I often ask myself: Is the matter itself different, or my own thinking has changed? The conclusion is The one who was left behind. Because I have changed my mind, I feel that the current activities are very interesting! Mei, in the past three or four years, we have all changed, and you are not the old you!" Li Wuji said slowly, his gaze caught Ms. Mei's face.Scary, this look!Three years ago, in front of the lantern under the moon, Ms. Mei had seen such longing eyes many times.Then it was as if there was something twitching in her heart.However, Li Wuji went on to say, with a faster tone: "I haven't forgotten the few words you said before. You said that if you had met me two years earlier, your answer would have satisfied me. You said that you didn't have anyone else in mind, but that you were at that time The idea is, - to go alone in the sea of ​​people, so give a simple 'no'. Now three years have passed, and now we meet again; I believe that in the three years, except for the change in our thinking, the rest , or me and you three years ago. Mei, are you still thinking of giving me a simple 'no'? I look forward to getting a satisfactory answer today!" Then there was a dead silence.But only for a moment.Ms. Mei's voluptuous laughter immediately shook the air in the room, and even more violently shook Li Wuji's heart.Ms. Mei's reply, mixed with laughter, said: "Ah, it's still in love! It seems that Xu Qijun wrote that you despise love now, and you call it 'boring' love! Isn't it?" "Yes. I despise 'boring' love, for example, the love between Lu Keli and Zhang Yifang in the past. But, Mei, for three years, you and I were still single back then, and we met suddenly, this, you think! " Li Wuji spoke very seriously and mysteriously.He stood up and turned around, as if looking for something, then sat down again, his eyes fixed on Ms. Mei's face. A thread of pity, or ripples of emotion, swayed and grew up in Ms. Mei's heart.At the same time, Liang Gangfu's calm face also appeared in the dark space.With a sudden smirk, Ms. Mei waved away all this, trying to change the direction of the conversation: "Have you noticed how much my thinking has changed? I don't really understand it myself. But it does mean that I am tired of seeing things I am used to and want to find a new environment. The day before yesterday you talked a lot about politics. Afterwards, I thought of many questions. I don't think I can fully agree with you." "Disapprove? Where do you disapprove?" As if he had received an injection, Li Wuji stretched his neck and asked hastily. "It is how to develop industry and commerce." Seemingly unexpected that the question was so simple, Li Wuji smiled. "Oh, is this—is it? Don't fight in the country, and the rich will invest it, and the factory will work harder, the hours will be extended, and the output will increase. Isn't it enough?" "Won't the money earned go into the pockets of foreigners?" Ms. Mei asked back, gently applying the theory that Liang Gangfu heard. "How can you give your own money to others! Now China has to flow out tens of millions of money every year, just because it has no industry. up? Therefore, it is useless to talk about boycotting foreigners. Self-improvement should be achieved first. " Ms. Mei pursed her lips and smiled.Seeing Li Wuji's cheerful and light-hearted demeanor, she couldn't help laughing.From what she heard, Li Wuji's comments were not new, as if she had seen such meanings when she read "Introduction to Discourses" more than ten years ago.Yet another question arose, and she added: "You are against foreigners too?" "Why not! 'Resist foreign powers' is our slogan. But we advocate the use of reasonable means. We also advocate separate considerations. Regardless of how to specifically resist foreigners, we do not agree." Then came a long discussion.Li Wuji showed his posture in the lecture hall, and the more he talked, the more energetic he became, but Ms. Mei was a little tired.She patiently waited until Li Wuji's heated conversation expressed a little bit of frustration, then abruptly inserted a sentence: "Now I have to go back. I have to move tomorrow." Li Wuji stood up strangely, looked at the wall clock on the wall, then looked back at Ms. Mei's face, and said slowly: "What time tomorrow? Afternoon? I'll help." Ms. Mei politely declined the kind help.Li Wuji wanted to send her back to her apartment again.Of course, Ms. Mei has nothing against her.But when it was time to say goodbye in front of Xie's house, Li Wuji suddenly grabbed Ms. Mei's hand and uttered his last courage: "I'll be visiting your new house the day after tomorrow. I believe there's new hope in this new place, May!" The light from the door lamp fell on Li Wuji's face, and his eyes were a little red, and his lips were trembling.Madam Mei could only smile softly.She really didn't know if there was a more appropriate expression than this. Two days later, Huang Yinming just found time to move into the new house with Ms. Mei.I found Li Wuji's business card in the courtyard.This eager friend had been here last night. After the rough arrangement, Huang Yinming told Ms. Mei not to make the address "too public".Ms. Mei opened her eyes wide in surprise, hesitated for a while, and then said: "Let someone know. It doesn't matter? If you said you wanted to keep it a secret, I don't have to tell him. But now, he already knows, and he came here before us." "Is that the business card with the surname Li on him?" Ms. Mei nodded; then said in reverse: "Why keep it a secret?" "It's nothing more than the fear that too many guests will make it difficult to be quiet." "Then, this man surnamed Li just came to Shanghai occasionally for fun, at most once or twice." Huang Yinming smiled reassuringly, and stopped asking.Ms. Mei felt somewhat uncomfortable.She could see that Huang Yinming's so-called "I'm afraid I can't be quiet" was a casual prevarication, or he refused to confess; at the same time, she reflected that her behavior could be regarded as quick and rash. "Why have I changed recently! So absent-minded, without any precise calculation?" She thought heartbroken.She gave herself a lot of answers: because it was because she was never at peace in her heart; because she was too aggressive, and she wanted to win people's respect, and she wanted to show her openness and frankness, but she became indiscreet; because the current environment and people are not the same as before. Because of the differences, she couldn’t adapt both ways; because she was concentrating on learning about those strange countries, governments, capitalists, industry and commerce; because... she stood up angrily, looked at the scattered things in her room, and snatched them Kicked a few times as if they were the culprit. The first night of the new couch change made Ms. Mei unable to sleep well.The soft felt turned into a bristle, which aroused Ms. Mei's anxiety.The wind whistled.It was the first northwest wind, the herald of a merciless winter.Ms. Mei listened intently, and suddenly a sense of sadness rose from her chest.Her feelings were very bleak: "This is the twenty-third winter in my life! In my life, I have reached the end of my youth, and I have experienced many changes, but what is the ending? The ending is only the loneliness in front of me. Is it permanent loneliness? What are the places that are not as good as others, what are the things that are sorry for others, but can be punished by loneliness?" So the tears that have not been shed in the past few years, when they have been jealous, hated, and entangled in the past few years All the tears I held back poured out all at once. Lying timidly, almost breathlessly, she could hear every slightest sound.Huang Yinming's snoring came downstairs, even and sweet, which aroused Ms. Mei's jealousy.How could she not be jealous?Others are so suitable everywhere, soaring freely in this vast world; but she is so lonely!No one really understands her, and no one is willing to understand her with heart.Suddenly the feeling of the day came back.The long series of self-questions and self-answers went back and forth in her sad heart.Finally she spurned all the answers.She had to admit the sad truth: fragile!It's because I've become weak, so I'm lost, and I can't fix anything!It's because I have become weak, so I can't restrain the indescribable turmoil in my heart, so even if I used to be able to arrogantly ignore the men around me, but now I can't help thinking about Liang Gangfu! Thinking of this, as if seeing a lurking enemy, Ms. Mei felt calmer.She no longer intends to go to sleep, and only seeks the reason why she has become fragile in a daze.But can't get it.She just felt that the new environment that was too complex and unfamiliar swallowed her whole, making her small and fragile, and lost her original self.Since coming to Shanghai, she has seen many new things that she can't understand at the same time; yes, she can't understand!She is not a young lady who just came out of the boudoir, she has experienced more and more complicated lives than ordinary women, and she has seen through the thoughts and characters of the protagonists in those complicated lives; but now, she who has emerged from the luxurious and luxurious life cannot understand The motives for the behavior of those people in front of them.Naturally, she already knew that Liang Gangfu and Huang Yinming were doing some secret things, but she couldn't understand why they were so devout, what drove them to be enthusiastic and desperate, and what made their six-foot bows have a strange brilliance, Strangely able to attract her.Isn't it that she wanted to straighten herself many times, to get rid of that cold Liang Gangfu?Wasn't it when she saw Huang Yinming refused to agree to live with him, she also wanted to stop begging in anger?But there was a tenacious force that crushed her, pushed her to Liang Gangfu, and forced her to humbly beg Huang Yinming. "Cough, cough, will this irresistible force, this invisible strange thing, finally fulfill me? Or will it drive me to destruction? I can only let you push me, keep going, keep going, completely I'll leave it to you myself!" Madam Mei held her head in thought, almost praying. She floats and sinks in this prayer, the space loses its existence, and the time loses its record.Then there are many familiar faces around her, pushing and pulling her; some old places are in front of her eyes, where she finds herself playing a comedy of sorrow, joy and hatred; here again is the heavy roar of the turbine, the tragic hiss of the river Calling, winding Wu Gorge; suddenly there is a messy room like fleeing from famine again, Huang Yinming pouted her small mouth, complaining that her mouth is impetuous, why she just told others that she was ready to move.She ran over in a hurry to defend herself, but she tripped over a small suitcase at her feet and fell to the ground. She screamed and opened her eyes, the sun was shining on her head, the noise of the city was like a storm in the distance, like a car right outside the window, barking strangely. Ms. Mei walked downstairs in a daze.Huang Yinming is not here.Her room has been tidy.A large piece of white paper was spread out on the desk, saying that the newly hired old woman had agreed to come at eleven o'clock and asked Ms. Mei to stay at home and wait.Ms. Mei crumpled the note, leaned against the desk, and picked up a book: "Marxism and Darwinism"; both are familiar and unfamiliar terms.She casually flipped through the book for a while, then unknowingly let her body fall into the nearby chair, her eyes hung down on the pages of the book, flickering greedily, until the knock on the door woke her up. The old lady is here.Afterwards, cleaning the room, shopping for vegetables and cooking, and other miscellaneous tasks, I asked Ms. Mei for the time to direct.Huang Yinming came back around noon, had a quick chat after dinner, and then went out again.Ms. Mei was about to continue reading the book that had bumped into her hand, but the new mother stood like a shadow by the living room door and said something strange: "Young Mistress, is there another tenant in the living room?" Ms. Mei was taken aback.What a strange title, and what a strange question! With her head lowered to read the book, she only answered two words between her teeth: "No." "The one who came to eat just now is the young master?" The old lady asked even more strangely, but also a little unsure of herself.Ms. Mei twitched her eyebrows, looked up at the maid, and couldn't help laughing.Isn't it?Huang Yinming's hair that was cut too short, his gray cotton robe with too long sleeves, and his gloomy expression all looked like a man, so of course he was Ms. Mei's "young master".Barely stopped laughing, Ms. Mei replied solemnly: "That's right. It's the young master. The surname is Huang. Let's call him young master Huang!" The old lady nodded her head suddenly, her lips moved again; Ms. Mei hastily added dignifiedly: "The Zao Phi Lou is your bedroom, hurry up and tidy it up, you don't need to serve here!" Her eyes fell on the book again.After turning two pages, she was still giggling in her heart. When the sun was setting, Li Wuji came.The old lady's name for Ms. Mei made the young man very strange.After talking casually for a few minutes, Li Wuji said with a somewhat uncomfortable attitude: "There is a bookstore looking for a female editor, and the conditions are not bad. Mei, anyway, you have nothing to do now, can you help me for a few days? If you are willing to work longer, it will be better." "I have something to do." "What's the matter? Are you still taking French lessons?" "The meaning of learning French has long been abandoned. Now I am learning to be a young mistress." Ms. Mei said with a soft smile.That day, Li Wuji's eyes and trembling lips flickered in her current space under the light in front of Xie's house. "You're joking again!" "Really! Didn't you hear the old lady call me young mistress?" Li Wuji smiled wryly.Threads of doubt also crawled around his mouth.However, Ms. Mei went on to say: "I used to be a young mistress, but unfortunately it was by name, so now I want to learn. Last time you said that everyone's thinking has changed in the past few years; now I will make a footnote to your sentence. Since recently, I have just I feel that there are many things I don’t understand, and I can’t see them right in front of my eyes. I always want to turn what I don’t understand into understanding, and what I can’t see into seeing. I have to learn everything from scratch. So my mother Since you call me young mistress, let me learn it. For example, the last time you fell in love with me, I also want to learn." Laughing softly, Ms. Mei walked to the window, raised her head and gazed at the sky.A gray cloud flew by quickly, revealing the red face of the setting sun, which seemed to be smiling too.When Ms. Mei turned around again, she saw that Li Wuji was already standing so close, and his passionate eyes shone even brighter. "Just to learn. When one is learning, one cannot answer 'yes' Or 'No', the subject of love is certainly no exception. " Ms. Mei finished it softly but resolutely, and quickly changed the direction of the conversation, asking Li Wuji when he planned to return to Nanjing, and whether Xu Qijun saw him often.Li Wuji's face was ashen, and he agreed bewilderedly, and looked at Ms. Mei without blinking.There was no unusual expression on Ms. Mei's face.There are still the same curved eyebrows that seem to be talking, the same provocative but frank eyes that look forward, and the lovely and fearsome smile. “希望我再来上海时，你的学习时间已经完毕，能够作决定的答复。” 这么喟然说，李无忌就去了。老妈子又在客堂后一叠声叫少奶奶。 两三天后，梅女士这才觉得自己快要变成真正的少奶奶了。黄因明似乎很忙，整天在外边跑，又继之以夜；有时回来得太晚，还得梅女士去开门。老妈子又不时要请三小时以至半天的假。守家的责任竟很合理似的落在梅女士肩膀上。幸而她还有新碰到的那本书解闷，且又陆续找出许多来，所以三天不出门，倒也不觉得什么。 这些书籍在梅女士眼前展开一个新宇宙。她的辨不出方向那样的迷惘的苦闷暂时被逼到遗忘的角落里。现在她的心情，仿佛有些像四五年前尚在中学校时初读“新”字排行的书报。那时她亦能够暂时把要恋爱而不得的苦痛扔在脑后。 但是有一天梁刚夫来，看见梅女士浸淫在书本里，又听到黄因明讲起“少奶奶”的笑话，便说单看书也不中用，说什么革命的斗争的宇宙观和人生观应该从实生活中去领受。他又劝她们在后门上装一具新式的弹簧锁，那么，有三把钥匙，黄因明，梅女士，老妈子，各人拿一把，免得做了房子的奴隶。 虽然并不十分理解梁刚夫的议论，梅女士却也下意识地遵奉。她又时常出去走动了。然而又感得无处可去。别人都像很忙，常去打扰也不好意思。后来她想得了一个消遣的方法：练习骑脚踏车。 写信也要消费梅女士一部分的时间。李无忌的来信很勤，而且差不多每封信的末尾总拖着一个问句：“你的学习快完工了罢？”徐绮君也不躲懒。她虽然住在南京，却告诉了许多广州的事，因为她的堂弟徐自强在那边的军官学校里。 这一点，点缀着梅女士的闲暇生活，也就不很寂寞了。好像害热病的人已经度过那狂乱的期间，现在梅女士的心境进入了睡眠样的静定。想侦探黄因明他们到底有什么秘密的好奇心，也逐渐冷却了。“做一面镜子专照别人有什么好处呢！”梅女士这么策励自己。并且她已经明白黄因明他们是干什么的了。最近黄因明不似先前那样忙，闲谈时便也有意无意地说到她自己的事。梅女士总是静听，不表示什么意见。她还不能对于那些事下批评，而随便敷衍，她又不肯。 在这平静的然而不免灰色的生活中，只有梁刚夫的来访，会使梅女士感到新的不安和复活的苦闷。有时只有他们两人，谈话又如此有味，忽然梅女士的耳边隐隐地响着李无忌的声音：是不是仍旧是给一个简单的“不”？她注意地瞅着梁刚夫的眼睛，盼望发见一些不寻常的东西。No.话也谈到了男女关系。那时梁刚夫的眼光更加亮些，开玩笑似的蓦地来了个问句： “密司梅，你的经验不好说说么？” 梅女士觉得这句话怪刺耳，同时却又嗅出轻侮的气味，她的回答便很尖利： “因为不奇特，不是偷偷摸摸的，讲出来也未必有味。” 梁刚夫淡淡一笑，既不生气，亦不忸怩，仿佛还带些反倒可怜梅女士心胸太仄狭的意味。梅女士也立刻后悔，她自己奇怪为什么竟说出这样的硬句。好像年青的母亲虽然一时使性，打了心爱的小宝贝，但过后心里多么疼惜，她呆呆地看着梁刚夫，经过了几秒钟，方才叹一口气接着说下去： “并且我不知道像我所经验的那样事，是不是也算得悲剧。我爱过一个人，可是他不敢爱我；他要求我为了爱他的缘故不再去爱他。我用了极大的努力遵照他的意思做。然而什么都铸定了时，他又变了主意，他敢了；可是就在那时候，他——病死！” 短短的沉默。然后来了梁刚夫的照常冷静的声音： “你们做了一首很好的恋爱诗，就可惜缺乏了斗争的社会的意义。” Madam Mei shuddered.这样干燥冷酷的批评比斥骂还难受。她轻轻地咬着嘴唇，赶快转换方向拿一些不相干的话语混了过去。 后来梁刚夫走了，梅女士闷闷的总觉得不高兴。她恨这心冷的人，她又恨自己。为什么丢不开他呢？是傻子才不会看懂一个女子眼睛里的意义！然而梁刚夫是聪明机警的。也许因为他太聪明，因为他很知道已经怎样有力地吸引了一个女子的心，所以他故意拿身份，而且要故意玩弄这落在他手掌中的一颗心？也许他竟是那样残忍！手里掉落了书也不觉得，梅女士倚在枕上，继续她的愁思。密云中漏出来的太阳光斜射到她脸上，她闭上了眼睛，她的身体渐渐滑下去，直到平躺在床里。假设的问题都答完了，有一根新的自慰的线索从她迷惘的意识里袅袅然飘起来；他们都不是畏瑟忸怩的人儿，在这件事上，他们最是赤裸裸地毫无勾心斗角的意思，自然他们不肯叭儿狗似的献殷勤；无论谁爱谁，总之不是可羞的事，应该直捷了当表示，为什么不向他表示呢？应得有点明白的表示！ 于是一种近乎后悔的情绪，将梅女士送回到刚才的谈话里。冰箸一样的东西还在她背脊上溜过，但是她听得自己嘴里的话却是询问什么叫做“斗争的社会的意义”。然后看见梁刚夫凛凛然站起来，走到她面前立定。嘴边有些似笑非笑的皱纹。许多红星从他们中间爆出来了。好像被看不见的手推了一下，梅女士猛投入梁刚夫的怀里，他们的嘴唇就碰在一处。拥抱，软瘫，陶醉，终于昏迷地挂悬在空中。然后掉落在地下似的，她看见只有她自己一个。梁刚夫在不远的前面慢慢地走。她赶上去要拉住，却接到一句严厉的呵责： "what else?" "I love you." “但是我不能够。我只能给你所需要的快感。” 她哭了，蛇一般缠住了梁刚夫。突然沉重的一拳落在她胸前，她倒下了，红的血从嘴里喷出来，淌了一地。 梅女士低呻着睁开眼来，双手尚紧按住自己的胸脯。“哼！恶梦！虽说是恶梦，然而并没更坏于我不梦的时候！” 她这么想，冷冷地笑着。然后惨白罩上她的面孔，她伤心地滴了几点眼泪。比恶梦都不能再好的现实呵！她宁愿死在梦里！过去的全生活又飞快地倒退回来了。何尝没有浓艳的色彩，然而多么错乱颠倒，真比梦都不如！直到现在为止，爱她的人可真不少呢，但是她也爱的，却只有两个；两个！第一个是不敢爱她，第二是不愿爱她。而她又没法使得自己不爱这第二个！是这样的命运么！然而的确是这样颠倒错乱的人生！ 在梅女士的泪光晶莹的眼前，浮出了韦玉的幽悒的愁脸和梁刚夫的冷静的笑容。它们都在颤动，都在扩大，终于吞没了梅女士的全身。 外面是北风在虎虎地叫。彤云密布的长空此时洒下些轻轻飘飘的快要变成雪花的冻雨。冬的黑影已经在这里叩门了。