Chapter 4 four (1)

For the past three days, Ms. Mei has been dreaming.Until the eve of the wedding, she was very brave and calm; she thought of many impromptu countermeasures.But when the last act unfolded, she flustered like an actor on stage for the first time, and her planned plan—her ideal—was in complete failure. The air in the wedding hall had suffocated her and made her feel helpless, but the air in the new house made her lose her own existence, she became a thing.Her cunning, her manipulative methods,--everything she thought she was going to do well--was all useless by then. Her previous opinion was: as long as the other party can control the range, it doesn't matter what he does.So she prepared some "conditions".But after reading "Theory of Chastity" with Akiko Yosano in "New Youth", her opinion changed again.The self-esteem of a virgin has occupied her very tenaciously, making her feel that she cannot casually give that thing to an abominable person.Wei Yu's poor situation prompted her new decision.Two days before the "auspicious day", she secretly wrote a letter to Wei Yu, without saying anything, just copied two lines of poems: "The spring silkworms will only die when the silkworms die, and the wax torch will turn into ashes and tears will dry before they dry." I don't quite understand whether her change is for Wei Yu's sake or because of my own "cleanliness", but the idea of ​​not letting that philistine take advantage of her is also a powerful motive.

However, it finally failed!Inexplicable depression, anger, guilt, mixed and confused mood.Also known as "five virtues transfer". "Historical Records Biography of Mencius and Xunqing" contains: Zou Yan surrounded her on the third day after her marriage like a dream. The autumn wind shook the glass windows, and the sky was very dark. Madam Mei looked at the window for a while, and then went to lean on the mahogany concubine Yang's bed; the cold and hard wood pressed against her tired and limp body, making her tired She felt surprisingly uncomfortable.She stood up again, frowned, walked to the bed and lay down, but the warm brocade mattress seemed to have deteriorated, pressing against her waist and buttocks, only giving her some soreness, she thought I wanted to sit up again, but a burst of dizziness suddenly came to my mind, so I slumped on the pillow again.

"Why are you so tired!" Ms. Mei thought subconsciously.This strange sleepiness was also a new phenomenon, which also increased her depression.For the past three days her life had been, so to speak, a life of combat; she was always on the alert.When it got dark, she was even more frightened for no reason.In fact, this is not the formation of terrorist philosophical views influenced by the young Hegelians.After an actual struggle, it turned out to be disgust, the unhappiness at seeing gray caterpillars and the like.Although she knows that such neuroticism is ridiculous, she hates her own fragility deeply, and she has already admitted that her original ideal is just a fantasy; Grateful: "Finally, Xu Qijun's prediction was not bad, but why didn't she temporarily change her mind and lose ground? I don't believe that I can't make up for it in the future." At that time, she failed formally, but her spirit was so heroic.However, three days have passed, and the so-called remedy is not in vain, only her fragility, the contradiction between her reason and her lust, has been fully exposed; now even the arrogance of masturbation has been depressed, only fear, depression, and anger , Guilt, mixed into a dull one.

The incident that she didn't want to recall but was recalling from time to time broke into her consciousness again.As usual, after the "troublesome" people left, she got into the bed and lay on her side with an awe-inspiring and inviolable mood; her predetermined strategy was to ignore it no matter what; but, when a hot When the strong body hugged her from behind, she couldn't help her heartbeat, followed by a burst of kisses that made her neck tingle, and at the same time, a hand touched her chest, she felt her breasts were being squeezed. Caught, she began to struggle, but the opponent's whirlwind-like swift movements made her completely helpless, and she was crushed and rubbed in the hot daze, and fainted.Perhaps she also screamed sharply.But what's the use?It only became the material for people to talk and laugh the next day.

At first she thought there would always be many words and many entreaties, but she did not expect such an attack.This hurt her self-esteem, but it also forced her to admit her fantasy and inexperience, so failure is a matter of course.Since this time, she has held the attitude of "Let him do it". She doesn't intend to make any more fruitless struggles, and in fact she can't. Ms. Mei lazily got up again, walked to the table by the window, and subconsciously opened a drawer.This place is full of Liu Yuchun's personal belongings, and Ms. Mei flipped through it, but found a paper bag under several account books.She picked it up and speculated that a form of consciousness is a reflection of social existence and reacts on social existence. , was about to push away.Suddenly, in the coat mirror, he saw the soft curtain at the door move, revealing Liu Yuchun's smiling, chubby face.

Seeing the paper bag in Ms. Mei's hand, Liu Yuchun's face darkened.He took a step forward, stood opposite Ms. Mei, and stretched out his hand to grab the paper bag; but he withdrew his hand again, and said coldly: "Don't rummage through my things. These are all important bills!" A mass of heat rushed up from Ms. Mei's heart, and immediately made her cheeks red.She fixed her gaze on Liu Yuchun's face, and gave a sharp answer: "Didn't mess around with 'your' stuff! Who are you showing your face to!" Then she sneered again, and threw the paper bag in her hand on the table vigorously; but she picked it up again quickly, tearing up the wrapping paper, and said more stubbornly:

"Since it's said that you've rummaged through your things, I'll rummage through them." Liu Yuchun couldn't help but stopped snatching, but Ms. Mei cleverly hid in the room, to the side of the small square table in the center.The paper bag was opened, and it turned out to be two pictures of fashionable women.Ms. Mei walked around the square table, avoiding Liu Yuchun's pursuit, held up the two photos, and giggled with half-annoyance. "Don't tear it!" Liu Yuchun gasped.Estimating that he might not be able to get it back, he stopped now; he watched Ms. Mei's movements carefully across the square table, with majestic corners on his thick eyebrows.

No response.Ms. Mei glanced at the two photos side by side, then suddenly threw Liu Yuchun's face in a grin.But he added coldly: "Unfortunately! Please tear it up, I'm not happy either!" A triumphant smile returned to Liu Yuchun's nervous face.He solemnly picked up the two photos and narrowed his eyes to look at them.Ms. Mei proudly walked to the chair in front of the dressing table and sat down, brushing her hair in front of the mirror; the disdainful smile was still rippling around the corner of her mouth, but there was a suffocating smell like smelling rotten items gradually swelled from her heart. Woke up.

"Tell me, which one is better between the two?" Turning her head towards Ms. Mei, Liu Yuchun said with a salivating face. Ms. Mei combed her hair slowly, as if she didn't hear the question, Liu Yuchun gave a dry laugh, and ran behind Ms. Mei, fixed her face in the mirror, and asked stubbornly and mischievously: "Which one is better? Tell me!" Madam Mei stood up abruptly and dropped the comb.Turning around, she gave Liu Yuchun a hard look; her face turned pale, but her eyeballs were filled with blood.Liu Yuchun stepped forward with a smile, opened her arms, and made a gesture of hugging; Ms. Mei instinctively leaned her upper body back, and rushed forward as if suddenly bounced; clap!Liu Yuchun suffered a hard blow, and immediately some red marks appeared on his fat and oily face.

"Ghost! Monster!" Ms. Mei scolded furiously through her teeth, and at the same time passed Liu Yuchun like the wind, ran to the door and stopped, straightened her body awe-inspiringly, and panted lightly.The stench of suffocation that swelled in her chest has now turned into raging coals, making her chest tremble involuntarily, making her see that everything in front of her eyes has a halo. "I'm kind enough to ask you, but are you angry?" Liu Yuchun turned around, opened his eyes and said, his thick eyebrows revealed a fierce look; but this did not deter Fu Mei, but aroused her anger even more.She answered sharply:

"Hmph! Ask your wine and meat friends! Are you here to talk to me? Recognize it clearly! Dogs, monsters! " Liu Yuchun unexpectedly sneered.Shaking his head contemptuously, he pursed his lips and said: "I've recognized it a long time ago. Guess I don't know? I'm pinching my nose..." "Know what?" Madam Mei cut off Liu Yuchun's words; her long eyebrows twitched, and her voice trembled unconsciously. "You understand it yourself!" "I don't understand. You must explain it clearly!" Liu Yuchun smiled slyly again, and his gaze swiveled on Ms. Mei's face.Standing up slowly, but sitting down again, flicking the two photos with his fingers, he said: "You, why did you cut your hair? Why is your name called by other people? Why, when he was sick, he kept calling you? Hey, what can I hide from you! But, everyone is old, your old man Recently, I have been down again, so I have no choice but to ignore it. I thought you were a smart person, let yourself wake up, but you are spoiled, with your nose up to the sky, so proud! You will be jealous for no reason! The photo is two local prostitutes; , Gambling, it's my pastime, and I can't control it, you, what are you going to do?" Ms. Mei's expression completely changed.There was a bang in her ear tubes, and some black stars danced in front of her eyes.The second half of Liu Yuchun's words seemed to be transmitted through the wall, and Ms. Mei only got a rough idea.Her breasts rose and fell violently under the chiffon blouse.She closed her eyes and bit her lips hard.It was like stabbing a needle in her nerve, and she suddenly woke up.She opened her eyes wide, looked at Liu Yuchun resolutely and said: "Okay! Now that you bring it up, let's talk. I've always hated you, I really hate you! Your gossip has captivated my father, and you've achieved your goal. Do you think I'll be yours forever?" ? No, no, no! You are dragging Wei Yu again. Not bad, we have a good relationship, but our behavior is bright! He is not as shameless and despicable as you!" Ms. Mei's eyes suddenly sank, and she stopped talking; she felt a meaning, but couldn't find the appropriate words to express it in a hurry.There was an unexpected silence in the room, and it seemed that the beating of everyone's hearts could be heard.Liu Yuchun stared at him in astonishment, with large beads of sweat on his forehead.He was not expecting Mrs. May's bold declaration; he hesitated how to deal with it.Ms. Mei took a step forward, and threw a few words like a lead weight: "If you can prove that I have committed any ambiguous behavior, you can file for a divorce; otherwise, I ask you to plead guilty in public and recognize my right to freedom and my independent personality!" No answer yet.Four hostile eyes looked at each other.Because of the excitement, Ms. Mei's cheeks are now shining with a delicate red light.What's more, the curve of her breasts trembled so beautifully that Liu Yuchun couldn't help feeling flustered. Suddenly he had an idea, and with a smile all over his face, he said softly: "I didn't say that you had any misbehavior. Why are you in such a hurry? I'm not a nerd. Women have misbehavior, and you can't hide it from me. You, the first night, were like that, I understand you She's a nice girl." Madam Mei shuddered.At the same time she blushed even more. "I don't have any doubts at all, so don't worry too much. Everyone is a little bit wrong about what happened just now. Forget it, there are still things waiting for me in the shop." He laughed dryly again, and without waiting for an answer, Liu Yuchun hurried away.Ms. Mei cast an angry look outside the room, then walked slowly to the window and sat down, holding her head in thought.Disjointed past and present bubbled through her swollen brain.Her mind cannot concentrate.For the quarrel just now, she has no regrets, nor does she feel pain; the inevitable quarrel between them was in her expectation.However, there was one thing she did not expect: Liu Yuchun was still so fierce and gloomy.She used to look down on this "wicker cage", but now she feels that the "wicker" is a tough thorn, which must be dealt with carefully.She was thinking confusedly, her face covered with clouds.The fat maid who waited on her came quietly into the room.Ms. Mei raised her eyes and felt that the maid had a smile that was neither embarrassing nor embarrassing.Ah!This fat pig!What is she here for?Detective news?Anxiety suddenly crawled all over Ms. Mei's body.There were still those two photos of local prostitutes lying on Fang’s table. The fat maid walked over slowly, as if wanting to pack it up. Suddenly, Ms. Mei’s majestic voice stopped her: "Sister Li! Has the young master gone to the shop?" The fat maid seemed to be startled, she withdrew her hand, looked at Ms. Mei's face and replied: "I saw him go out just now, maybe he went to the shop." "You find him! I forgot a few important words. Go at once!" The fat maid smiled slightly with half her face, then turned and left.Ms. Mei stood up and took a few steps, picked up the two photos and hid them by her side.After pondering for a while, he quietly left the house that had been regarded as a cage for three days. Ms. Mei made a detour to her old home.It was almost noon, and Old Doctor Mei was reading the newspaper there.His daughter's sudden return surprised him quite a bit.Ms. Mei explained the quarrel very peacefully, then took out the two photos and placed them on her father's lap, and continued solemnly: "Wei Yu is a cousin. I studied at our house since I was a child. It's not unusual for me to be close to him. He talks nonsense like that! He's a prostitute himself. I saw the photo and didn't say a word, but he Bite back. He also said it was for the sake of his old relatives, and pitiful for his father's recent decline, so he had no choice but to ignore it!" Dr. Mei frowned and didn't speak. He looked at the two photos, then glanced at his daughter, angrily threw the newspaper in his hand to the ground, and said surprisingly: "It's such a dark world! Why is Guizi's tide still setting wildfire!" Ms. Mei read the underground newspaper, which turned out to be a weekly magazine "Student Tide" she subscribed to. She understood the meaning of her father's two nonsensical words.She secretly glanced at her father, and couldn't help pursing her lips into a smile. "But what are you doing running back?" As if waking up, Old Doctor Mei added another sentence. "I don't want to go back to Liu's house, I don't want to live with him. I will serve you old man." These few words were spoken so resolutely yet easily, Old Doctor Mei raised his eyebrows in surprise, and laughed dryly; he said: "It's a joke again! Even if Yuchun is absurd, can you live in your mother's house for the rest of your life?" "Now I am serving you. In the future, I can teach, and I can be a nun." Old Doctor Mei closed his eyes and shook his head in disbelief.He was spoiled by his daughter, and what she said about Liu Yuchun's blatant claim to pity him for being poor also made him very unhappy. Besides, there were two authentic photos, so he felt that he had to do it unfairly.He sighed slightly and said: "I really want to turn around and be a child again. You young people are so happy, you only know how to be self-willed. Since you are here, you can go back in a few days." When Ms. Mei returned to her room after three days, she felt that everything was strangely intimate.As if reunited after a long absence, she leaned against the small square pear wood table in front of the window, took the little foreigner, the black foreigner with a big belly clock, and the two peacock feathers, and took a closer look at them one by one, and then put them upright in the original place. place.She went back to check her magazines for rat bites.In the end, she lay contentedly on her little bed. In the afternoon, Liu Yuchun did come.Ms. Mei locked herself in the room and refused to come out to see him.But she kept her ears sideways to listen to the conversation between him and Old Doctor Mei.She could only hear some intermittent words; she guessed, she was a little confused.Later, someone knocked on the door suddenly, but it was my father. "Yuchun is so unruly that he actually mocked me to my face! Well, you live here and see what he can do!" Old Doctor Mei said angrily.He is completely on his daughter's side.Madam Mei thought it was fun, and felt that her small room was more comfortable than any other place. But at night, the dim light of the kerosene lamp made her feel desolate.The autumn insects in the small yard outside the window chirped mournfully.The cold light of the half moon fell on the window screens, printing some ghostly tree shadows.Ms. Mei spread out a piece of "Student Tide", although she was lost in thought.Suddenly her thoughts turned to those two pictures of local prostitutes.She thought: Liu Yuchun is probably having fun with those two prostitutes right now?Maybe he will talk about the "newly married lady" to the local whores.As a result, Ms. Mei felt the stench of decay and suffocation in her heart again, and she felt that she was stripped naked and standing in front of the prostitutes, being ridiculed by them.She threw away the reading material in her hand and said to herself angrily: "He is still happy, why should I, I deserve to be lonely!" Fire-like rebellious thoughts tormented her heart.She also thought of "On Virginity" with Akiko Yosano, and thought of the romantic actions of the heroine in a novel by Maupassant.She said to herself in the depths of her heart: If any man walks in at this time, then——she must accept it unconditionally; not for love, but for revenge against the surname Liu!She felt dry and hot all over, so she unbuttoned her chest and accepted the caress of the moonlight. Suddenly, she noticed that her breasts seemed to be a little bigger than before, and they were full and tight in the foreign cloth shirt.She suddenly recalled yesterday, a feeling of half anesthesia and half sadness filled her heart. A burst of laughter came from the neighbor, so close, as if it was right under her window.A young man's voice chanted loudly: "You must have fun in time in life, don't let the golden cup be empty to the moon!"Then came the mixed words and laughter of men and women.Huqin's voice also became louder.Those sad voices beat Madam Mei's heart one by one.The house next door is from Hubei who moved here not long ago.The man probably worked as a teacher in some school. The women included a beautiful young woman and a lively girl of seventeen or eighteen.Ms. Mei has seen each other before, and exchanged a few words of politeness.They are not very strange people.But at this time, Ms. Mei was hostile to them, thinking that they were almost the same people as herself. What privilege did they have to be so happy?The man who was the teacher probably just talked about new ideas, outlook on life, and issues between men and women. He gave the young people a glass of wine in exchange for bread and sang "you must be happy in life" leisurely, but he didn't care how the young people solved it. their boring problems.Ms. Mei's resentful heart suddenly felt that those "new culture people" also more or less sacrificed others to benefit themselves.This is how people devour each other, using various methods, with grim faces, smiles, and even tears.And she, why should she be devoured! Ms. Mei couldn't help shedding a few tears. The sound of the huqin stopped, and the chirping conversation prolonged for a while, and suddenly a wave of delicate voices condensed into a crying tone.It's the tune of a wife weeping for her husband!This spread in the crisp autumn night, piercing into Ms. Mei's ears.Ms. Mei's heart skipped a beat, she was in a panic when she heard the woman's high-pitched voice shouting with laughter: "Seventh sister! Don't be shy, people will laugh at you!" This was the young woman's tone, and Ms. Mei recognized it for sure.Then there was a chuckle, the crying stopped, the woman's sharp laughter and the man's smirk mixed together, and it lasted for a long time.Only then did Ms. Mei realize that the crying was also pretending to be entertaining.For those who are happy, even the material of sorrow becomes a means of making fun!This is how these happy people take the pain of others as their own pleasure!Madam Mei thought even more angrily.But the man's majestic voice suddenly broke her thoughts: "Break the hypocritical old ethics! Long live freedom and equality!" Mrs. May could take it no longer.break in!Only screaming to break, but not thinking of how to break for others!Here is a woman who is tormented by the old ethics, but can only listen to the screams of the next door's way of seeking pleasure.Ms. Mei jumped up, threw herself on the bed, wrapped the quilt tightly around her head, and rolled on the bed like a scalded earthworm. She cursed, she wept, she clenched her teeth until her temples ached.So the next day she was sick.Old doctor Mei cut the pulse, looked at her tongue again, tilted his head and thought for a long time, and asked quietly: "Did you not sleep well the last two nights?" At first Ms. Mei looked at her father as if she didn't quite understand, then she suddenly blushed and turned around, shaking her head gently. "Oh, what's the matter? Tell dad what you're afraid of." "He—has been pestering people all night, and he hardly slept. Yesterday morning, he was just dizzy, and he seemed to be in clouds and mist when he was walking and sitting." After replying so hesitantly, Ms. Mei covered her head with the quilt. The illness refused to go away immediately.Madam Mei lay patiently, often listening to Chun'er talk about the trivial matters of the neighbors. "Student Tide" was sent out one issue at a time, but Ms. Mei didn't want to read it.She felt that these pleasant words were only suitable for idle people to relieve their boredom, as if drinking a bottle of cold soda in summer, as for people with problems in their hearts, they would only get more and more annoyed.Liu Yuchun said he was visiting a doctor, and he had been here a few times; he brought a lot of things, and asked each other casually, but Ms. Mei just covered her face with the quilt and ignored him.Wei Yu also came, but he didn't come into the room. He just asked Chun'er to come in and wait for him.Ms. Mei closed her eyes and nodded, but she thought angrily in her heart: "Poor cowardly man! You avoid suspicion even more. Although you don't want to devour people, you only care about yourself!" During her lonely illness, Ms. Mei actually matured her ruthless and hateful outlook on life.It was like a ladder, holding her high in the air, despising everything, spurning everything, and hating everything.Gradually, she read new magazines again.She looked at it with the mood of contempt and sneer.However, one day she saw several translations of "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" in a thin magazine, and she liked it very much.She repeatedly chanted the few warning words in the middle, as if she got pleasure and comfort. By the end of October, Ms. Mei had recovered.Liu Yuchun's campaign to ask her to go back became more violent; it was carried out from the side of old doctor Mei, who also begged her face to face.Once, he actually shed tears, and he said: "My parents died when I was young, and I was raised by your father. Your home is my home. When I was a teenager, my heart was on you, but I was a rough person. I didn't read much. I I can't speak. Later, I mixed in the business world, and I became tacky again. I knew I wasn't good enough for you. Now, it's a done deal. I just hope that we can all pass happily. Not stupid, I am willing to learn from you, and I can always satisfy you." Ms. Mei was silent for a long while, and only replied lazily: "These words are all for nothing!" "I'm not talking empty words, I want to learn from the bottom of my heart; I'll change whatever you want me to do!" Liu Yuchun hurriedly argued, his attitude was indeed very sincere.Madam Mei suddenly raised her eyes and looked sharply at Liu Yuchun; after a few minutes, she said solemnly and frankly: "You misunderstood me. Not those questions. You have broken my heart. There is already a ditch between you and me, a ditch as deep as the sea, which cannot be filled anyway; I am a sacrifice! I am a death Yes! If you are determined to be a decent person from now on, I am very happy for the deceased uncle and aunt, but it has nothing to do with me, and it is the same." Liu Yuchun's eyes widened, as if he didn't quite understand those words, but his quick-witted mind also understood the general meaning, and he also understood that it was definitely not a momentary anger; He knows the true weight of every word of Ms. Mei.He subconsciously stood up and took a few steps, then suddenly turned around and stood face to face with Ms. Mei, the muscles on his face tightened, his eyes glowed red with anger; he quickly said loudly: "You have your reasons, I won't say you are wrong! But look, is it my fault? I entered Hongyuan as an apprentice when I was thirteen years old. I didn't wear warm clothes, I didn't have enough to eat, and I swept the floor and fetched water. , pouring the pot, being beaten and scolded, I have endured all kinds of hardships! I endured it like boiling oil, what did I expect? I thought, I am also a human being, and I also have a nose, eyes, ears, hands and feet, and I should also I enjoy some happiness like others, I rely on my hands to suffer, I rely on my eyes to see, I think, I have been an apprentice for a lifetime, and I have been poor for the rest of my life? , I was beaten and scolded during the day, and at night I always dreamed of opening a shop by myself, seeking a good woman, and enjoying the same happiness as other families. I earned a scene with my bare hands. The shop I run now is bigger than Hongyuan, and it’s all mine. One drop of sweat, one drop of blood, I only need a good woman, I have no parents, no brothers and sisters, although I have money, I am a lonely ghost, I hope a good woman will come and share some happiness with me. See You, I like you very much. The suffering of half my life is not in vain. But now, it seems to be a dream! My heart is also made of flesh, doesn’t it hurt me? People can get whatever they want, and I am the same person, I am not greedy and lazy, do I want too much? I have been whoring, I have gambled, but who did not prostitute or gamble? Do I deserve such a heavy punishment for committing a heinous crime? Allow him to repent, but I don’t even allow him to repent? You say you’ve ruined your life, but what about me? Am I happy? You’re a sensible person, look, is it all my fault?” The last sentence resounded in the room like a ripping silk, and Ms. Mei couldn't help but her heart skipped a beat.Liu Yuchun took a step back, and landed heavily on a nearby chair, his twinkling eyes still hovering over Ms. Mei's face.Ms. Mei looked back seriously, and then gave a straightforward but somewhat gentle answer: "You have the right to claim your happiness in life, just like others, just like me, you wake up from one dream, and you can do the second one; you should know that 'revisiting old dreams' is what she sighed and picked up a piece of paper "Student Tide" stood in front of her face and said nothing more. Liu Yuchun nodded in bewilderment, as if he understood what Ms. Mei meant, but he didn't seem to understand; then, a wry smile appeared on his face, and he said "It's not that enemies don't get together", and ran out staggeringly. .At the door, he turned his head and glanced at Ms. Mei again, his complexion was as pale as paper. ——It’s not that enemies don’t get together! It sounded like an echo in Ms. Mei's ear tube, and then disappeared.She was still reading an article in the newspaper, but the words jumped strangely; she felt something stuck in her eye socket, and she instinctively raised her finger to rub it, and suddenly two drops of water flowed from her fingertips. When it falls and lands on the paper, it disintegrates.Ms. Mei frowned in surprise, then smiled heartily, put aside the newspaper in her hand, took a piece of letterhead and wrote: Sister Qi: Letters are so slow, it's really frustrating!You say that hating everyone is equivalent to hating no one. This is a sick mentality, and I admit it.But everything here is really not pleasant.I want to leave immediately.I asked you to find something, how is it?Fourteen yuan a month as a primary school teacher, I will do it too!You said that I should file for divorce immediately, but I can't do that after much deliberation.Because as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I couldn't get away.I look forward to your letter every day, you are the only one I can trust!Hate such an inconvenient traffic! After hiding the letter, Ms. Mei lay on the bed, temporarily letting herself be surrounded by complex meditation.Then one thing focused her thoughts: the question of money.Xu Qijun once said that at least one hundred yuan should be prepared for the travel expenses from Chengdu to Nanjing.That's not a slight amount yet!Ms. May is only half of that.This was given by my father when I got married, saying that it was prepared for petty expenses such as rewards in the new house.And fifty yuan can only go to Chongqing.Ms. Mei suddenly jumped up and ran to the square table, and added a few more words at the end of the letter: I still don't have enough travel expenses. Please attach a letter to your family. When I arrive in Chongqing, I want to borrow 50 yuan from the family. I will take your letter to pick it up. Putting down the pen and letting out a sigh of relief, Ms. Mei looked at herself and couldn't help feeling sour.What will happen in the future is not on her mind, but the cruelty of reality embarrasses her.She murmured to herself: "Fifty yuan! My fate is hanging on two fifty yuan. Is it only hanging on two fifty yuan?" Two or three days passed.Ms. Mei felt that time was passing very slowly.Every evening, she always thought anxiously: Why is there no letter?Why hasn't there been a letter yet!To kill those heavy hours, she made friends with the neighbors from Hubei.The man's surname is Huang, and he works as a teacher in a high school. He is like a "poker"; he often shakes his head and sighs: "Ah! The land of splendor, the land of abundance, but there is no sun! Whoever lives here for a year must burst his stomach! Such a majestic landscape can't produce outstanding young people. There are no brave generals who charge into the battle, only those who wave the flag and shout!" Pawn!" He is also a classmate of Xu Qijun's brother, and it is said that he was present when the Zhaojialou was burned down.His wife doesn't talk much.But the action is still lively.It was their younger sister who caught Ms. Mei's attention the most.Although she is a little girl of sixteen or seventeen years old, her gloomy eyes are full of middle-aged experience; her preemptive temper and naughty behavior reveal innocence everywhere, but her meaning How sharp and spicy!She is a precocious girl who has seen a lot, heard a lot, and experienced a lot.He and Teacher Huang are not biological siblings. Her father was a petty official in Beijing, but her mother was long dead. After getting acquainted with them gradually, Ms. Mei envied their happy little family life.They also seem to know a little bit about Ms. Mei's background and current environment. The strange little sister often teases Ms. Mei with short sentences like sharp needles.Ms. Mei is always distracted with words.Once, Teacher Huang was lamenting the darkness and ugliness of this "Land of Abundance", and Ms. Mei suddenly said to the little sister: "Yinming, your old man lives in Beijing, and over there is the new cultural center. Wouldn't it be better for you to study in Beijing. Why did you come to the female teacher here instead?" Huang Yinming rolled his small eyes upwards, pursed his lips slightly, and answered with a question: "Why did you become a young mistress when you didn't go to Beijing to study?" Ms. Mei was silent, feeling somewhat unhappy.But Huang Yinming went on to say: "Girls in the new era should not rely on their fathers. Schools in Beijing are not necessarily good either. Learning is all up to you, so what is a school! Besides, I have an older brother to teach me!" Ms. Mei smiled as if she didn't want to argue, and turned her head abruptly, only to see Mrs. Huang's worried eyes were shooting at Huang Yinming's face, and there seemed to be a lot of hidden hatred.A cloud of suspicion suddenly flashed in Ms. Mei's mind.She remembered the trivia about the Huang family that Chun'er used to talk about.She felt slightly bewildered.But Teacher Huang's loud voice suddenly came out of nowhere: "Such majestic mountains and rivers can't produce peerless, contemptuous and rebellious young people! Yes, Chengdu is a plain, and the people of Chengdu are mediocre and peaceful!" Ms. Mei couldn't help the heat around her ears.She felt that what the Huang family brothers and sisters said was aimed at her.So her aggrieved heart recalled the feeling of listening to their laughter under the moon that day. A letter from Xu Qijun finally came in anticipation.But it was not the most recent answer. The envelope still had a postmark of October 30, and of course there was not a single word about the career Mrs. Mei was looking forward to.Ms. Mei counted the dates and knew that her matter would not be concluded within the next month, so she felt more at ease.She sometimes thinks about how to get out in the future, how to hurry, but then she smiles to herself and says, "I'm just regressing by imagining the future that is not certain." Liu Yuchun still came to see the sky, sometimes he only had a few words with old doctor Mei before leaving, and sometimes he also saw Ms. Mei.But if she wants to go back, she doesn't say a word now.Old doctor Mei has mentioned it to her daughter several times.Ms. Mei never expressed a positive opinion, she just used other words to divert it.She knew that her father was still somewhat dissatisfied with Liu Yuchun, so she intentionally adopted a laissez-faire attitude; she guessed that the old man probably used these words to make things difficult for that Young Master Liu: "I've already married her, and you If you fall out, I can’t help it!” But one day, Ms. Mei was going to the neighbor’s house to chat with Mrs. Huang, when suddenly the old doctor called her and said: "Yuchun said, your body seems to be recovering, and I want to take you back to celebrate the winter solstice, how about it?" "I will not go." Old Doctor Mei frowned, then lowered his voice and said: "Forget it. You've already earned enough of your advantage. You have to go back after all, and you can't postpone it until the end of the year. You were sick before, but now you're cured, and you often go out again. People will be surprised when they see it. " "Then, don't go until the end of the year; otherwise, I'll still be sick in bed, okay?" Ms. Mei said with a chuckle.She had spotted her father's temper and knew that the only way to act like a baby was the best. "Hey, what a joke!" Old Doctor Mei's tone was a little tougher, and he frowned even tighter.他看着站在面前笑嘻嘻地而又隐含幽怨的女儿，忽然感得内愧起来；他摇了摇头，喟然说： “一向把你宠惯了，现在该我来为难。也罢。遇春说过要搬到这里来住，我没答应；看来还是让他来罢。可是你也不许再使性。” “做过书房的东厢房本来空着，可不是么？” 略一踌躇以后，梅女士微笑地说了这么一句，就翩然走了。这个新的转变，突然的，而又本在意料中，最初给了她几分不安宁；“怎样对付呢？如果他又来纠缠？”这样的问句压在梅女士的心上，很难把它们挥走。同时女性的本能的蠢动，也从最幽秘的处所扩展开来，浮现到她的意识内。但是柳遇春来了，居然很本分，住在书房里像一个客人，他并且坦白地对梅女士说： “请你不要多心，我是一点坏念头也没有。自从你走后，我又嫖过，可是嫖也不能解闷，做事情也没有心思，只有看见你的时候，我好像心里快活些。我搬到这里来，不过想常常看见你。”