Chapter 40 January 11
I took a walk in the "city" yesterday, and felt that there was a special smell looming in the air.This is the stench that often occurs when things are rotting, but it also smells of blood; if I want to find an equivalent name, I think it should be the word "corpse stench".
If it's my illusion, I don't admit it.Well, maybe it's my sensitivity.Hmph, a woman who has experienced many changes and has been among monsters and ghosts for so long, her senses are naturally keen; she can't tell what kind of tricks they are playing, but she can feel the air and vaguely discern the "wind" From where, nine times out of ten there is no error.
Before a big storm, there must be sweltering heat.All kinds of poisonous mosquitoes, golden-headed flies covered with infectious germs, spiders spreading their nets in the dark, geckos crouching in the corner of the room: buzzing and flying all over the sky, crawling and hissing with chi-chi, all moving out together, The world is theirs!
But it was my own indifference that surprised me secretly.As if I am not from this world, everything has nothing to do with me.I've been doing this a lot lately.Isn't this what it should be?Well, who said it should be, but in this world, what is left for me?Dare to ask!
There was a time when my eyes were on justice and light; there was also a time when I walked on the edge of good and evil, which aroused anxiety and depression in my heart, like N who I often meet these days; there are also people who really loved I, besides, also have a little life that I don't want to think about, but these days it comes into my heart from time to time—but where has all this gone?The rest of me is not alone and full of trauma!
I've been asking myself a lot lately: what else do I have?No.However, it is very strange that the little life that I had the heart to leave in the XX hospital more than a year ago quietly climbed into my heart at this moment.A warm feeling hypnotized me, I forgot it was me, and went to another world leisurely; I seemed to see an apple face, a pair of black eyes, half jumping and half fluttering like a little sparrow, arrived On my knees; I felt the gentle itchy touch of a small hand touching my chest——my nerves trembled, but the illusion disappeared after a flash, and I was still me.
What is left for me?How can I not be indifferent?
So I smelled that strange "corpse smell" yesterday, and I was still only indifferent.
Therefore, when I coldly saw the ghost in Shunying's place, it was obvious that something was planning, and I didn't feel any interest.Even, when the ecstatic "former committee wife" pulled me into her bedroom to boast that their "success" was imminent, (of course she still hinted vaguely, but it was obvious enough), I just smiled lightly and said: "But No, I forgot. Your third child’s illness, Shazi, should have healed a long time ago, right?”
"Who knows! Then there was no telegram." Shunying was still so elated. "The situation is all right. In the past ten days, I have been too busy with important things, and I have lost consciousness..."
I just pursed my lips and smiled.She looked at me intently for a while, and then said: "We will be reconciled soon. The merits and virtues will be completed. We are all from the lower river,...you will naturally go back."
"And, hopefully, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, next week, next month." I said that intentionally.
But she was serious, and told me solemnly: "That may not be so fast..."
"Oh, can't it be so fast?" I deliberately picked it up again. "However, if you slow down, I'm afraid there will be changes. Don't you hear that nights are long and dreamy? Recently, I'm afraid of one word: procrastination. My personal affairs are always getting worse if they are procrastinated."
"No!" Shunying seemed a little pitiful for me still being separated from the news. "The policy has already been determined. My lord, do you have the nerve to play around? However, because you are a lord, you can't slap yourself in the mouth right away, so as not to lose people's hearts, there are always a few tricks."
Enough, I have heard enough; any change, can it change me too?
I left Shunying's house, at a loss as to what to do.Man is a kind of strange animal: when he feels that he has nothing left in the world, he is at ease, but at the same time he is unavoidably empty and lonely.I strolled and saw the people hurrying to and fro on the street, and felt that everyone had a purpose and was rushing for it; when I saw the man dressed like a bureaucrat, I recognized the same character on his face as before. Shunying's smug smile, on the other hand, the people who are threatened by this kind of smile, whether angry or sad, are also in every form...
Suddenly thought: If Xiao Zhao is still around, what is he busy with right now?
Also, K, Ping, and their friends, what are they busy with at this moment?
Suddenly I realized that I was at the station to go back to "home", and I was secretly surprised; why did I do this subconsciously? Is there any exciting thing waiting for me when I go back?Could it be that the purpose of my life is to talk to N to relieve boredom?
My own disgust at what happened to me pulled my legs back.At the same time, I came up with some small things to keep myself "busy".When I left the "city", I only brought my personal belongings with me, and most of my luggage was sent to the obese second landlady, so why not take advantage of this and go visit her.I jumped into a rickshaw and was about to say the name of the place when I suddenly remembered that the second landlady was "greedy" and couldn't come to the house empty-handed, so I had to buy something for her.
So I went to the shop opened by my fellow villager first.
The shop was extremely busy, with customers on one side and carpenters on the other.The fellow, with a cigarette in his mouth, is "taking care of" with his chest up and belly out.As soon as he saw me, he smiled all over his face, but it was not very respectful.
"Are you coming to the city today? I haven't celebrated your promotion yet. How about a glass of water and wine tonight? No one is invited, just a few fellow villagers."
"Thank you, I'm busy with work, and I have to go back!" I said, looking at the carpenters. "What? Are you going to redecorate again?"
"No," he said, narrowing his eyes. "I'm planning to add a consignment department." So he frowned and said with a helpless face: "Look, people who have something are still selling it, business is difficult!"
Suddenly my heart moved, and I asked, "Can second-hand goods still be sold?"
"Not necessarily. It depends on what it is..."
While talking to my fellow villagers, I bought some cosmetics, but I was thinking about which things I could sell at the second landlady's place.
The room I used to live in has been rented out.The obese lady told me as soon as she saw me that the new tenant was bad-tempered, airy, and disgusting.
The new lodger was even more wretched when I presented her with something; the second landlady, in spite of her panting, scolded him with all her might—as if to scold him for answering my present.
I said I wanted to see what was stored, and she immediately said with a curse: "Don't worry, it's well stored, and mice can't bite it."
"It's not that I'm worried," I explained with a smile, "I plan to find one or two to take with me."
But why do I really want to take it and use it, I just estimate it to see if it can be put in the "consignment department" of my hometown-of course I just estimate it first.
I only picked up a few books, and I was about to leave when the landlady remembered that there was a letter for me. "You moved away one day and came the next day," she said, looking around for the letter. "I said I moved away, so I asked where it was moved? Ah, miss, you didn't say it, and even if you said it, I can't remember clearly. 'There are still things here, they will always come...' I am so Report back to him. Another day later, he came again and left a letter saying that he would hand it to you in person."
When I heard her talking, I guessed whose letter it was.But after searching for a long time, she still couldn't find anything, but she said, "It's a man, young, and good-looking. Oh, come on!" She staggered to the front of my stored things, searched for a while, then turned and said : "Where are your books? ... Ah, have they been in your hands for a long time? The letter is in a book."
Sure enough, it was in the book.I saw that there was no address on the front, and no signature on the back, which looked like a copy of a book.The second time I read it, I understood that this was a letter from K.!
I tore off a piece of paper, wrote a place name, pondered for a while, and then wrote a random street name and person's name, then handed it to the landlady and said: "If that person comes again, you will give it to him. Thank you for your trouble."
On the way back, I thought: The big storm is coming, and the ants have a premonition, and the ants have moved from the low-lying place to the high place.I'm busy with everything, but I—