Chapter 39 January 5

The New Year's "carnival" is probably coming to an end.I took a walk in the "city" yesterday, and saw that the temporary decorations in front of some government agencies and companies have been stamped with the mark of "two ends" by the ruthless old man; the most deplorable thing is those colorful posters written in cheap ink. Strangely beautiful articles celebrating the "Victory Year" were all blurred by the thick fog (not to mention the wind and rain), which was even uglier than a leprosy face with makeup. Here, it should be regarded as a rural area, but since it became a "cultural district", it has a special scenery.For some reason, it doesn't always look pleasing to the eye.The people I have seen in the past few days are either rogue-eyed, eerie, or bee-eyed and jackal-like, arrogant, or they are sad-eyed—at least they are listless, with fake faces and forced smiles, like a child bride; I didn't encounter this kind of "weather" in my school days!In the past two or three years, I have been hanging around in the so-called "upper class" circles, but this time I have opened my eyes. It is true that the way of "education" has made great progress.

There was nothing lacking here of what a New Year should be,--both public and secret diabolical orgies.On this, I have to thank F, he has become an old horse who knows the way.Last night at around nine o'clock, F suddenly visited the "Snail House", saw that I was sitting in front of the lamp, and seemed to be very "sympathetic" to my "loneliness", so he kindly comforted me and said: "Many people always think that transferring from the inside out, and targeting Qiu Jiu and others, seems to be a shameless thing; but I think there is also fun in it. The people here are full-blooded, not big I like to beat around the bush, even if it's bad, and it's more straightforward; after a period of time, you can know that I'm not just talking nonsense. With experience like yours, you can definitely beat them into obedience, and no one else Make you angry."

I smiled, and I understand that F's so-called "they" refer to the "Niu Shou A Pang" in this area, and the little boss among them has already met once. "Stop hating me, F," I said lazily. "I've had enough bumps in the wall, so I can't even say I'm going to send someone away! But there is one thing, anyway, my work can avoid any personnel entanglements with others, so I can rest assured." "Really, I have a question in my mind: Why did you get transferred to such a job? A person like you is overqualified for such a mechanical job. It's a pity!"

"Ah! High hat again, F, why did you become the shopkeeper of the hat shop tonight. I like this job. Reading a few letters every day is more interesting than reading novels. I am short-tempered and stupid. I can't hold back a few good words from others, and I can't even figure out the east, west, south, north, and south. I used to do it all day and worry about it all day. Now I have been assigned this job, which only needs to deal with black and white letters on white paper. I am really grateful to both of you. A just and wise officer, who knows people well!" F smiled, but then expressed his sincerity and said: "It's too wrong for you to argue with me with such diplomatic rhetoric. You and I are not casual acquaintances..." "Then, I thank you for your expectation of me, "I stopped him from continuing, pursing his lips and smiling.

He seemed a little disappointed, and after a moment of dejection, he said again: "There will be a party tonight, and it will be lively as usual. I advise you to go too." "Oh, and the party. But why didn't you hear about it?" "It's not open to the public," he smiled mysteriously. "It's also held every now and then, but tonight is especially lively. I introduced you to it once today, and in the future you..." "Thank you.—" I cut him off again. "But I don't want to go tonight." "Go, anyway, just to relieve boredom."

"I really can't go." "Oh! Do you still have work? There are a lot of letters here, I know; but what's the point of leaving it off for a day or two? Besides, tomorrow is Sunday." "Not for that. I'm afraid of meeting strangers." "Haha, that's a joke: Ms. Zhao is afraid of meeting strangers!" I also felt that this sentence was handled badly, but I couldn't help but make mistakes: "To tell the truth, I am afraid of meeting strangers. This is a work relationship. How dare I disobey the orders from above?" "This is just official paper, why should you take it seriously."

"Be careful, nothing will go wrong." "Then, you can be regarded as my friend—no, even my relative. I just came from the city for a day today. Is it okay? Anyway, a party is a party. Let's make a fool of ourselves and call you Zhang San. Li Si is fine too, no one will come after you." The words have reached this point, and it is not the way to "treat people" any more, so I have no choice but to agree. But afterwards, I sincerely thanked F for opening my eyes. It turned out that this so-called "evening party"—hmph, it's a disgrace to the name, no wonder F said it was a "secret one"!I can't stand the loud, erotic atmosphere; I've never seen such a shameless person.I hid in a dark corner, almost watched the nose with the eyes, and the heart with the nose, and started to learn zazen; try to avoid attracting their attention.

Fortunately, the "shows" one after another were so "wonderful", those greedy cats and greedy dogs were all engrossed in the "performance" that was not shy, laughing and shouting frantically, and had no time to look around.When the so-called "Small Shangfen" came on stage, there was sudden applause, and someone screamed "Damn".Speech, what a show!I still seem to recognize the clown with white powder on his nose who stood on the stage and wept bitterly during the commemoration meeting in the morning, as if he was the only one who "worked hard" and carried forward the great cause of the War of Resistance and the founding of the country with one hand!

I couldn't stay any longer, and looked at Kong'er and slipped out quietly. The street was deserted, and the cold mist penetrated into my pores, and I shivered all the way.But there is a fire in my heart. "Those women are really shameful." I thought so. "But I can forgive them. It's just that those heroes,—huh, they are still designated as 'posts', what kind of 'model role' are they going to play in the group of young students, what the hell!" Suddenly I felt someone following me.Strange, is it an old thing again?I run a few steps.The person behind him followed suit, and his footsteps were very loud. "This is a joke, I don't even seem to have learned the ABC of trailing!" I thought to myself while running faster.This was a strange thing among strange things, that guy seemed unable to run, but shouted straight from behind: "Slow down, hey, comrade, hey, girl, wait, wait!"

I stopped and looked back, what the hell is this? The guy ran a few steps desperately, and actually rushed to the front, full of alcohol, with blood-red eyes squinting.I suddenly remembered that I saw this at that damn "evening party" just now, and the scene was also a "model" guy with a "post" task. "What?" I asked him nonchalantly. "Haha, are you asking me?——What? Haha, you will know later!" the guy said angrily, his footsteps were crooked, and he wanted to jump on me half-truthfully. I hurriedly took a step back, turned around and left, saying, "Don't mistake me!"

"Haha, me?" The guy caught up, so drunk that he couldn't even pronounce the words clearly. "Oh, what class are you from? Why haven't I seen it? Stop! Let's go to a good place to play—play!" It is now fully understood that this is a drunken pervert.I didn't pay attention to him any more, and ran hard with my feet.Not far ahead is my apartment, I am not afraid, I can run faster. "Stop!—I order you, stop!" the voice from behind almost roared. "If you don't stand still, I'll just—take the guy! Are you afraid that a guy will beat you to death...don't you stop?" I hesitated for a moment, but ran again immediately. The distance is farther.When I slipped into the door frame of my apartment and unlocked it, I could hear him yelling, "Where are you going? I know you!" After I settled down, I thought: "This is really a good place, full of wonders!" Then I remembered how pitiful the women who were humiliated in the so-called "evening party" were! But at the so-called "party" that night, I also met a very popular person.Probably because of avoidance, she was sitting next to me, and happened to be behind a pillar.At first, she always glanced at me secretly from the corner of her eyes, and then she looked at me directly, the half-open mouth showing a row of fine white teeth, obviously guiding me to speak first, or looking for an opportunity for her to speak first. Let's talk. The first sentence begins by talking to myself: "Oh, what a headache!" I smiled slightly and answered her with my eyes: Isn't it! "Should it be eleven o'clock?" This is the second sentence. I looked at my watch, but the light was not good, so I couldn't see it clearly, so I replied, "It's close." "Aren't there many acquaintances?" She saw that I had never talked to anyone. "I don't know you at all." I replied with a smile on my lips. "Oh, then, you—well, where did the wind come to blow you in?" she smiles. I also smiled: "I was picked up by a relative like a gust of wind." At that time, the field was full of laughter that shook the walls.She frowned and said softly, "I really can't say anything," so she approached my ear and asked, "Which school are you in?" I shook my head.She glanced at me in surprise, and asked again: "So, is it work?" "By the way, do some writing work." She nodded thoughtfully, then suddenly asked: "Who are the relatives?" I made up a random name.She tilted her head and frowned, seeming to be thinking.I explained again: "He's in business. He has contacts with people here, so he's familiar with him. He's a muddle-headed good guy who likes to join in the fun. You see, there is really no fun place here. When he heard that there was a party, he urged me to come and see it like a gust of wind.” "It's good to see it once." She said with a smile, but looked at me again, as if she had something to say.At this moment, someone yelled something in the distance, she seemed uneasy, so she walked away quietly. I didn't see her again after that.It won't take long before I slip out of the venue. This is what happened last night.Unexpectedly, I ran into her again in a small restaurant today.That small restaurant is actually a dim sum shop, or more correctly, a soy milk and fried dough stick stand.Those who really want to have a "meal" will not patronize this precious stall, although it also has "pork oil and vegetable rice" and the like. The standard Sichuan-style bamboo house (I want to call it a "shed", which is more worthy of the name), and the standard "vegetable oil" lamp with three burners "newly invented" after the Anti-Japanese War.The light will not be good, but for those who come to eat tofu paste fried dough sticks, I don't care if there is light or not.I finished one portion and was about to ask for another when I "discovered" that she was here too, and we were sitting with our backs to each other. The two greeted each other with their eyes at the same time, and smiled at the same time, as if to say: Ha, are you here too? She turned around, leaned on my shoulder affectionately and asked, "Have you finished eating? When you came in, I saw it and thought it was you,—it really was you!" "Oh, but my eyes are really bad." I took out the money and called the shopkeeper. "Reckoning. Together, is that enough?" She seemed quite surprised when she saw that I was asking for money, but she was not polite to me, she just smiled and said, "Why did you come to treat me first!" When I came out of the hotel, I felt that it was brighter outside.We walked side by side, no one asked where we were going, just walked along the car road to the side where there were no houses. "No work today? Are you on vacation too?" She spoke first, as if she already knew what I was doing.But her eyes are so gentle and frank. "It doesn't matter to me whether I have a holiday or not," I replied vaguely. "Anyway, when something comes, do it; when it's done, go shopping if you like, or just sleep." She laughed, but then sighed, "There's nothing to do here! I've lived here for a long time, and I'm really sulking." "Oh, but maybe it's because I haven't stayed there for many days and I haven't felt it yet." "When did you come?" "It's only a few days." "Where was it before?" "In town," I answered, surreptitiously watching the look in her eyes. "Oh—but I don't like that city either!" She suddenly felt emotional. "What do you think? I don't think there's anything I like in Sichuan." "Oh, but the scenery in Sichuan is beautiful..." She interrupted me impatiently: "That's another matter. I don't mean the landscape, or any other natural environment, but the social environment—" "Let's put it this way," I glanced at her, trying to follow her tone deliberately, "it's not necessarily because you're in Sichuan, or just because you're in Sichuan, that you don't feel happy about it?" "That's right--" Her face was very dark.She looked back at me, her eyes were also gloomy; she lowered her head and murmured to herself, "Although the world is vast..." I concentrated my mind and calmed down, fixed my eyes on her, and waited for her to continue.However, she raised her head, smiled miserably, and changed her words: "Maybe it's just my personal feeling. Everyone has their own differences——everyone is different." "Not necessarily." I tried her again. "Small places are different, but big places are the same. We are in the same society, breathe the same air, and are of the same generation!" She was listening very attentively, her eyes turned twice on my face, but she finally stopped talking, and only gently grabbed my hand and held it softly,... At this time, we had already walked a long way, and we were farther away from the place where there were houses, and there was a wilderness in front of us.It was dark, and the cold wind was blowing on my face, and I didn't feel very comfortable. I stopped, and said in a questioning tone: "Shall we go back?" "Go back—good!" She seemed to be startled from deep meditation.Glancing around, he said, "It'll be dark in a while. Yes, go back. But where do you live?" I will take you home. " "Then why. I know the way." "No, of course I'm not afraid of you getting lost," she lowered her voice, "because it will be dark; here, a girl walking at night will often encounter accidents." So the experience of the previous night came alive before my eyes again, and I realized that it was not accidental, but had become a regular occurrence; I felt my hairs stand on end, but I didn't show my face, and deliberately joked: "Then, you It's not a girl, is it a boy?" "I'm different from you!" she said, but immediately covered it up by saying, "Two are better than one." I will no longer insist on giving up, and let her send it.We didn't speak, and our pace quickened. When I was approaching the apartment, I broke the silence: "Where is your home?" "I live on campus.—I don't have a home." "It's not that, I'm asking about your hometown." "Oh, that's far away!" She said with a wry smile, "I want you to guess." But I didn't follow her guess. I pointed to the front and said, "It's here. Can you rest assured now? See you in a day. Thank you for taking me home." She didn't seem to have heard my words, she took my arm and just walked. When she got to the door, she smiled mischievously and said, "Look, it's nothing more than sending a lover off." But without waiting for me to open my mouth, she continued, "Are you embarrassed to let me in? You have to be sympathetic." Your lover, he should be tired too." Of course I asked her to come in for a sit down, although I couldn't figure out what she meant. After she sat down in the room, she looked around a few times, drank her tea, smiled, and said to me very seriously: "For some reason, I fell in love with you when I saw you last night. Now I love you even more. I will come to see you when I have time, if you don't hate it." I also laughed: "I just hate it, so what's wrong with you?" "You lied to me. I know you lied to me! Besides, you don't welcome me, and you are the one who lured me here! Who told you to know me?" Come on me. I also gradually felt that there was something lurking behind her deliberately joking.Her voice and smile, whether it is artificial or not, is clearly so innocent and enthusiastic, which can be proved from her eyes, but there are still some strange emotions flickering in the same eyes, which are not concealed revealed. "Why don't you talk anymore?" She looked up, looked at me with burning eyes and said, "What are you thinking? Don't you like me being naughty? Isn't it good to be naughty? A person should always laugh, find opportunities to laugh, Create an opportunity to laugh. Do you? Why don't you keep talking!" Even though she said so, her eyes were a little gloomy.Suddenly I seemed to see the secret in her heart, so I blurted out: "You asked me what I was thinking. I thought: I seem to see a lonely child talking to himself in front of the mirror... I remembered that I once read In a novel I once wrote, there is a lonely girl who asks someone to write a love letter every day, but these love letters are only for her to read, and her lover is completely imagined by her..." I didn't finish.Because now even her face suddenly became gloomy.The room was eerily quiet, and we looked at each other, as if we were waiting for the other to speak first.It was only the second time we met, and we hadn't even asked each other's names, but it seemed that everyone had already seen each other's thoughts: this was the strange relationship between me and her at that time.And this unique relationship makes us reluctant to talk about general politeness, but it is inconvenient to immediately pour out the secrets in our hearts. Later, she still sighed and said: "If you say that, the people who are hooked feel uncomfortable." I smiled bitterly, but before I could speak, she said again: "But why did you have such an idea?" "Because we are of the same generation," I made up my mind to be good friends with her, "we all feel lonely and need comfort. What I said just now was about you, but I also included myself. If you are the girl who speaks to the mirror, then who is the one in the mirror?—I hope she will not still be you!" "Hey, can't it still be me?" She glanced at me and suddenly smiled, "Impossible. It's still me, but there's also you! If it's not me at all, then what's the point?" "This is the best." I said, gently grabbed her hand, and put it in the middle of my palm. Afterwards, we talked about the local scenery, and she suddenly sighed: "It's hard to say, anyway, you can't see it. I want to leave a long time ago, but I can't do whatever you want!" "Oh, why not be able to..." "One is that you are homeless," she said indignantly, "the other is that you have nothing to do; the third is, oh,—needless to say, you'll save a lot of trouble if you're not in school." I don't ask any more questions.What kind of situation she is in, I have guessed most of it. When she was about to leave, she suddenly remembered that she didn’t know my last name, she said her name was N,——asked me again; I hesitated a little, and told her my name——she would know sooner or later anyway of. I compare her to myself six or seven years ago.Times have changed, but this girl can still deal with it, which shows that she is better than me.However, her future may be more difficult. It's funny to say, I don't know what my "fate" is, but I worry about others.