Chapter 27 November 26

There is always a benefit in having time to reflect. There are all kinds of people, and I have seen many of them: those who harm others but benefit themselves are bad; those who harm others and benefit others are of course good; Woolen cloth?There may not be any people in the world who only want to hurt others but not seek self-interest. If they want to hurt others, of course they want to benefit themselves. people! Could it be that I am the most stupid person in the world? I think I'm not that stupid.But that day I reported on K and Ping! I remember the last time I met Xiao Zhao, I was very restless, but he was calm; he guessed what was on my mind from my expression, and explained his relationship with Ping: "Don't get me wrong. I'm here I just met her; a very good friend, of course, but only a friend."

Although he said so, Ping's shadow covered the clarity of my heart; the jealousy that had taken root for a long time suddenly flourished and grew, and involved K, condensed into a ball, and stalked in my chest.And I said something completely insincere: "If you don't tell me, I already know. Let me tell you, she is still my old classmate. We often meet. She's smarter, capable, and beautiful than me, and you're right to love her. " Xiao Zhao didn't seem to suspect that my words had some dark meaning, so he smiled wryly and said, "Since you are old classmates and old friends, that's even better; I just ask you to tell her: I bless her for the future Happiness, light, and—" He looked at me with passionate eyes, "you thank her on my behalf, I guess she must be running around for me."

At that time, my heart was in a mess, and I didn't know what it was like.But Xiao Zhao said again: "When we broke up before, I was very sorry that a person like you would destroy your future. I thought I couldn't help you to go to light and happiness at that time. It was my fault for you. Now we have to break up again Yes. This time is completely different from the previous situation. But my hope for you is still the same, and I believe that what I hope for is also the reason why you often feel depressed in recent years. Ming, I also wish you a bright future Every day is bright and happy! You promise me: you will do it."

I will make up these words today and prepare to review them from time to time.One cannot live without love, especially one who has not been truly loved; even when the body and mind are the most painful and life feels the most empty, when I think of someone who once loved me so much, and always treats me as a person who is still clean in soul Looking at me, isn't that the greatest comfort?Who can say that I am not happy! Yet I cannot help confessing, and it pains me at the same time.I don't deserve such love: I betrayed K and Ping, and I also deceived Xiao Zhao! If Xiao Zhao sees me as a hopelessly depraved woman, then I will say without guilt,——Why should I be polite to someone who doesn’t know me well?An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth!

Last night, in the turmoil of boredom, I asked myself: "Although Xiao Zhao said so bluntly that Ping and him are just friends, but a long time ago, K said that there was a woman present when Xiao Zhao was arrested. Who is it if it’s not Ping? She also voluntarily went to jail with Xiao Zhao. Could it be that this is just a friendship? — Huh, Huiming, Huiming, don’t be so silly! Xiao Zhao is just coaxing you!” At that time, I felt that I had nothing to worry about, and I suddenly became enlightened, just like eight or nine years ago when my mother breathed on my arm, after a burst of silent tears, I calmed down and decided to leave the next day. There is no ligament as a link with the family.

But this kind of "peace" turns into emptiness in an instant; I feel that I am in the wilderness, with fox ghosts, and no "person" misses me, although I can not miss anyone; but what is this kind of life after all? ?I have a stubborn mouth and say "I don't need warmth, I would rather be ice", but the tears are swallowed in my stomach. How can this be happiness?And even if Xiao Zhao's feelings for Ping are not bad, but for me, there are many years of facts, and the facts of the past few days can prove that this is all lying to me?Is there such a long-term and systematic coaxing, am I blind?

It’s always good for a person to have time to reflect on himself... I told K and Ping that day to protect Xiao Zhao;Naturally, it also proved that I was not without "achievement".This, on the surface, seems to be for himself, but at this time to reflect, isn't it for Xiao Zhao?If they handed Xiao Zhao over to me again, wouldn't Yu Xiaozhao be better off? But K and Ping will suffer, there is no doubt about it.However, the two of them have to forgive me. It is definitely not for harming them intentionally, nor for my selfishness, but to save Xiao Zhao... I can have a clear conscience.It's just that good or bad is still undecided, let alone my own "punishment", and Xiao Zhao's whereabouts cannot be ascertained.I hurt K and Ping, but Xiao Zhao and I didn't benefit from it!

This fact, like a poisonous snake, bites my heart several times a day, making me mentally restless. same night Is it painful to wait for the "unknowable" to come?However, having time to think about it will not be without benefits. More than ten days ago, I met Ping at the newspaper office K worked for; why did I go there that night?Because I know from the gossip of my colleagues that K has "give birth to a tail", and that Ping is also noticed at the same time-the two of them are often together.Now I don't know if their "tail" is broken?not necessarily! But it doesn't seem to be a big deal for me to report them... because they have already been included in the "blacklist".

Did I add another nail to the coffin?How can I admit that it is that serious! Oh yes, I have no reason not to be at all responsible, but also no reason to be fully responsible. I pulled out the two of them who had already been noticed, and made a step back for Xiaozhao—for myself (but also for Xiaozhao). It was not absolutely disadvantageous to them, but relatively beneficial to Xiaozhao. Could it be that Is it heinous? Could it be that the two of them who have such a close friendship with Xiao Zhao, shouldn't add a little bit of seriousness to themselves to reduce the very urgent seriousness of Xiao Zhao?

If they say "no", then I call them extremely "selfish" people! Could it be that I, a woman like a dog without a soul in their eyes, should take full responsibility for the safety and freedom of their "dear comrade" Xiao Zhao? In fact, I am doing this, and I am willing to do it, but since I pulled out the two of them out of actual "necessity" when doing this, I should forgive my last resort. I have the right to ask for it.I have reason to say that what I did was justified and I have no guilt. When I think this way, I feel more relaxed in my mind. Spiritual tranquility is also necessary for me at this time; I still have things to do——and Xiao Zhao needs my careful design to protect him, to rescue him from the devil's hands, isn't it?

I gradually returned to a state of peace of mind, but there seemed to be a voice asking me: "Your own destiny is still undecided? You can't protect yourself, how can you take care of others?" I heard cold ironic laughter.After a moment of shock, I realized that it was me who was laughing.I deliberately laughed again.This time, it seemed as if another voice crawled out of my heart and whispered to me: "So, first of all, you have to stand firm on your own feet! You won't be helpless, there are many conditions for you to take advantage of - as long as you are determined. to take advantage of." Come on, the wind direction has been set, just to see if the "air pressure" will change midway...