Chapter 20 Chapter Twenty

At 9:19 in the evening, the No. 376 train arrived at Guangping on time. When An Xin came out of the station, she felt a little desolate when she saw the familiar streets and the neon lights on the buildings around the square in front of the station. She has lived here since she was in college, and she has mentally classified herself as a permanent member of this city.So her desolation at this time seems to contain a theme of abandonment-everything that is familiar and lively in this city is far away from her.Carrying that small suitcase, she walked along the road on the right side of the square in front of the station for quite a while, but she couldn't find the bus station that she could have found even with her eyes closed and listening.She has only been away from Guangping for more than half a month, and for some reason she feels like a world apart.

She looked at the road and walked for a stop before finding the next bus stop.After getting on the bus, when she asked for a ticket, she realized that she originally wanted to go to the People's Hospital, but under the guidance of her subconscious, the bus she got on was bound for Tie Jun's house.It was her home in the past, not now, and never will be. Thinking of this home, she was a little sad, and her eyes were a little wet, but with so many people in the car, it was not a place to cry.She restrained herself from thinking about this home, but every room, every corner, every piece of furniture, even everything in the kitchen, toilet, and balcony, and every decoration in this home came to her eyes one by one.She hesitated for a moment, but still booked a ticket to go home as usual, got off the car after arriving at the station, and walked home as usual.From the bus station to home, you have to go through a clean forest-shaded road among the buildings. Tall fragrant-leaved trees are planted on both sides of the road, and red and colorful camellias are planted on the sidewalk by the roadside.The green trees and red flowers give this road a romantic atmosphere. The romance makes this place a couple of lovers appear like butterflies at night, walking slowly among the flowers and trees and under the street lamps, whispering in Russian.This situation, no matter winter or summer.

It was just after nine o'clock in the evening, and it was the time for young people to look for romance.Carrying the suitcase, An Xin looked at those men and women who were in love with each other, tender and affectionate, and couldn't help feeling a little bit sad.Most of the shy women in the arms of men are older than her, but they look like they have just tasted the mystery and beauty of opposite sex attraction.As for her, she is not yet twenty-two years old, she has experienced everything, everything is over. Now, she is carrying the suitcase, crossing the forest road, and walking home. It feels a bit like the usual way every time she returns to Guangping from Nande, she gets off the train and walks home with the suitcase.The more realistic and intense that feeling was, the more she had to tell herself: it's all over.

When she got home, she stood at the door of the building and looked up. She lived on the fifth floor. After searching for a while, she found the window that once belonged to her and Tie Jun.I don't know if there is no one at home or the curtains are drawn, the window is dark.The entrance of the building was very quiet, no one came in or out.She stood in the shadows and looked up for a long while, then lowered her head, and dragged the suitcase back, still walking back along the romantic forest road to the bus station. She reversed two buses and arrived at Guangping People's Hospital at around 10:30 in the evening.

Guangping People's Hospital is a place she is very familiar with. Two years ago, she accompanied her old principal here until he was safe.It was also here two years ago that she started her first love.And today, two years later, on this lonely night, she is still here. She wants to meet her lover Zhang Tiejun for the last time, and she wants to say goodbye to the love that started here. She walked to the familiar gate of the hospital, entered through the gate, and entered the night emergency building.There are many patients who visit the doctor at night scattered in the building area, but there seem to be very few medical staff.She went through a small concealed door in the emergency department and continued to walk in, all the way through the door and through the backyard that was as familiar as her own.Finally, she found an independent small building. The light in front of the small building was dark and no one was guarding it.She went in and took the security stairs to the basement.She had been here two years ago, and this basement is the mortuary of Guangping People's Hospital.

Going down to the basement, she saw a guard who was dozing off on a chair. She woke up the young man and asked him if Master Li, who was in charge of the mortuary, was there.The young man was startled when he woke up, with his O-shaped mouth wide open and unable to speak for a long time.Probably no matter how daring a person is on duty in a place like the mortuary, he will inevitably have some gloomy ghost dreams. When the young man opened his eyes, he saw a young woman floating in front of him, and he must have regarded it as a dream. The female ghost, his stunned look seems to have been out of his wits.The master Li that An Xin met two years ago, because he had worked in the mortuary for thirty years, claimed that he was no longer afraid of ghosts, and had lived with ghosts for thirty years.Once he ate at the same table with An Xin in the hospital cafeteria, and told An Xin that ghosts are not scary.Ghosts are actually the kindest, and they come out at night because they are sentimental. If you are not afraid and ignore them, you will be fine.

The young man who was on duty might be a newcomer, and he didn't have the training to respect ghosts and gods. He was stunned for a long time, and then let out a trembling breath, and asked, "... who are you?" An Xin repeated: "Is Master Li there? I have something to do with him." The kid said tremblingly, "He's not here, he'll come tomorrow morning." An Xin asked, "What time is it in the morning?" The young man took a breath, regained his composure, and his voice became much more stable. He said, "You really scared me to death, how did you come in?" Some family members will come to get dressed, and a makeup artist will come to do makeup."

An Xin nodded, thanked the young man, left here and returned to the night emergency department.She looked at her watch, it was eleven o'clock, and there were only seven hours until six o'clock the next morning. She didn't know how far away she could find a cheaper hotel.After thinking about it, she simply found an empty bench in the waiting corridor, put the box on the bench, and then she sat down, closed her eyes, and waited for the dawn. Surrounded by patients who can't take care of themselves, the medical staff are so rare that they don't see each other. She is sitting here half asleep and half awake, and no one cares anyway.

Seven hours later, she came to the small building at the back again, and met Master Li at the door of the mortuary.Master Li recognized her after a while. He still remembered her and knew that Zhang Tiejun was the son of Principal Zhang of the Public Security College three years ago.The old man said: "I remember, I remember, why don't I remember, we ate and chatted together, so what is your relationship with Zhang Tiejun now? Lover?" The old man was a little surprised.Then he made a sympathetic look: "Ah, you are married, ah, ah... today's body bid farewell, right? You came so early, you come alone? "

An Xin said: "I have something urgent to leave today, and I can't attend the funeral. Before I leave, I want to see him one last time and say goodbye to him, okay?" When An Xin said goodbye, her eye circles were already red.Master Li has been working with the dead for many years, and kindness comes first.He looked at the box in An Xin's hand, quickly said yes, then immediately took out the key and opened the door of the morgue.An Xin finally saw Tie Jun. He had just been pulled out of the freezer, and his appearance was a little deformed.But An Xin still hugged him, this is her lover.A few hot tears of hers fell on Tie Jun's cold face, and she knew that these few insignificant tears could not melt away that cold face.Tears are just her confession, Tie Jun died because of her mistake, and she must repent her whole life for this.

In addition to confession, those tears also represented her loneliness at this time!She knew that after saying goodbye to Tie Jun, she became a lonely person.She wants to go to a strange place alone, join a group of strange people, and no longer have Tie Jun's concern, concern, and exhortation, and these concerns, concerns, and exhortations were things that were always by her side before, but now they are nothing to her. It's so out of reach. She gently touched Tie Jun's face, she had a lot to say to him, she felt that Tie Jun could still communicate with her.She whispered to him in a voice only she could hear: "Tie Jun, I'm gone, I'm alone now, I'm a little scared! Can you bless me again? Would you like to bless me again? ?” She calmed down and listened, and she really heard Tie Jun’s voice in her heart, which made her cry. She cried and said, "I heard that, and I bless you too, Tie Jun!" She took off the jade Guanyin statue hanging on her chest and put it beside Tie Jun's pillow.That was her mother's blessing to her, and also her blessing to Tie Jun. She wanted to let that piece of jade represent her, and represent her to stay by Tie Jun's side forever, bless his soul, and ascend to heaven safely. Putting the jade away, she lightly kissed Tie Jun's tightly closed lips, those lips were as hard as iron and as cold as iron.The hard and cold feeling remained on An Xin's lips for a long time afterwards. An Xin straightened up, her gaze met Master Li who was standing aside, and Master Li's face was full of surprise and emotion.He has worked here for 30 years, and he has probably never seen such a farewell, and he was a little dazed for a while, until An Xin said thank you, Master Li, and he woke up like a dream.He came over and helped An Xin push Tie Jun's body back into the freezer.At this time, he saw the Five Avalokitesvara placed beside Tie Jun's pillow. "Master Li, I want to ask you one thing. After they finish dressing him, you can put this in his clothes, okay?" Master Li's eyes rubbed his fists on the Jade Guanyin, then turned to An Xin, and he nodded at An Xin: "Don't worry." An Xin bowed deeply to him. It was clear. An Xin left the hospital with the suitcase in her hand, she didn't linger, she didn't linger anymore, she knew that from now on, she no longer belonged to Guangping.She took a bus, went directly to Guangping Railway Station, and bought a ticket from Guangping to Beiqiu.When a train drove her out of Guangping, the red sun had just risen among the countless high-rise buildings in this city. In less than ten minutes after she left the hospital, several staff members from the Tie Jun Funeral Team of the Propaganda Department of the Guangping Municipal Party Committee and two relatives of Tie Jun's family helped Tie Jun's mother to the mortuary of the People's Hospital.They also came with a makeup artist specially invited from the Guangping Revolutionary Cemetery.Tie Jun's mother brought a brand new suit and shirt she bought for her son, and she said that she would dress him with her own hands as she did when he got up every day when he was a child. At nine o'clock in the morning, the farewell ceremony for Zhang Tiejun's body was held in the first farewell room of Guangping People's Hospital.It is said that there were a lot of people present, no less than the size of a bureau chief in terms of number alone; it is said that there were not a few leaders who came to express their condolences, and the highest ranks were Deputy Director Xing and his wife of the People's Congress of Guangping City. It is said that Tie Jun's mother restrained her crying and acted quite strong, which made everyone present feel extremely surprised and sincerely admired the mother's personality and will. After the farewell ceremony, Tie Jun's body was sent to the Guangping Revolutionary Cemetery, where it was turned into a handful of ashes in the raging fire.Despite everyone's dissuasion, Tie Jun's mother didn't leave the cemetery to go home until she saw and touched her son's ashes with her own hands after the cremation.She told the person who sent her back that she was tired and wanted to sleep for a while, and drove away the two relatives who insisted on staying with her.When she was the only one left at home, she walked into her bedroom, closed the door, lay down on the bed, and burst into tears.At this time, counting the time, An Xin's train was close to arriving at Beiqiu. All these stories about An Xin, Tie Jun, their respective parents, their respective jobs, and their colleagues and enemies were first narrated by An Xin himself, and then through my later hearing and witnessing, and finally completed in my imagination and speculation.The details of the story and the emotions of the characters are usually not difficult to imagine and speculate. What’s more, I went to Beiqiu and Nande with An Xin. I saw and visited the places where this story happened, and felt the history and humanities. background.This background is superficially bland and even invisible in the place, but it has profound implications for why the story happened and how it ends. Among these places, the only one I have never been to before is Qingmian.Qingmian is not the main space for the interpretation of those plots. Its role in these stories is more like the background I just mentioned.Yes, it is the background, the source of temperament in the soul of the protagonist in this story. The one An Xin talked to me the most was also Qing Mian.Everyone retains a humanistic preference and nostalgia for their hometown and childhood.Qingmian, as the back screen of the ancient Aizi Kingdom, was also an outstanding place in history and a vital point for military strategists. After thousands of years of vicissitudes, it is relatively closed now.In the travel guide I bought from the grocery store in front of the train station, I saw the long history of Qingmian summarized in a few sentences, which deepened my sense of mystery about this place.The scenic spot highlighted in the travel guide is a section of ancient city ruins, which is a surviving historical site of the Han and Tang Dynasties in Miantui, Qing Dynasty.However, the introduction to the text only mentions that the city was built in the Han Dynasty in the Qing Dynasty, and that Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty migrated to the descendants of the Lv Buwei clan and set up Buwei County to "bring out the evil of his ancestors".It was not until the Ming Dynasty that it was renamed Bronze, and it was changed to Qingmian in the Republic of China, and so on. I asked the owner of the small shop in front of the train station for directions, and I happened to pass through the remaining part of the city wall to go to An Xin's house.To get to the city, you have to walk a tens of meters long cable bridge and cross the torrential Qingmian River.When I crossed the cable bridge, I looked around, and the surrounding mountains and the water under my feet seemed to be silent.Not a soul was to be seen.In the sky, there is a mass of cotton-like white clouds floating idly on the opposite hill.This is really a quiet fairyland, it feels far away from the hustle and bustle of the outside world. After crossing the bridge and walking for another quarter of an hour, you will see the street market in Qingmian County.There are many old buildings in the market, but it seems that only the city gate at the entrance is the real historic site.The ruins of the ancient city are more complete than I expected. Although most of the city walls no longer exist, the city gates and watchtowers still stand facing the wind. The years are faint and the charm is still there. It has become the most prominent symbol of Qingmian County. The county seat of Qingmian is actually a pass between two huge rocks. The sun has already risen at this time, but the county seat, which is shaped like a deep valley, is still shrouded in a deep shadow.This shadow made the whole county still not awake, most of the shops were closed, and there were few pedestrians on the street.I approached the gate of the ancient city, and saw a stele in front of it with a brief introduction of the ancient city, which was apparently written by people today: "This city was built in the second year of Yuanfeng in the Western Han Dynasty. There are six gates... It was rebuilt in the fifth year of Qianlong in the Qing Dynasty. Yuan made".These ink-stained fonts let me appreciate the richness of the entire Qingmian cultural history, and also added some subtle understandings to the peace of mind born here. Except for Qingmian, I have traveled most of the places where An Xin went.Even the least important Beiqiu, a county-level city that is harmless even if ignored from a plot point of view, I have stayed for a short time.An Xin works and lives here for only a hundred days. She lives in a dormitory of the building materials company, and lives with several female workers who specialize in cutting marble.The female workers only knew that this He Yanhong was transferred from Baoshan, probably the child of a friend of the head of the company.They all treated her like a child.Everyone in the company thought she was a child, just like when I saw her in the training hall of the Jingshi Taekwondo Hall.Her image gives people the feeling of a girl who just left her parents and is obsessed with chasing stars and eating snacks.In the eyes of those around her, the only difference between her and that kind of girl is that she doesn't like to joke and doesn't fit in well with others. She just goes back and forth between the dormitory and the office with her head down every day. Her life is monotonous and her interests are boring.Such a self-enclosed girl, no matter whether she treats others or others treat her, she will not have any gossip and gossip. The place where she works is in a small courtyard 100 meters away in front of the dormitory. Her job is to work as a statistician in the company's sales department.That's right, as the comrades from the Political Department of Nande City Public Security Bureau told her, this company has good benefits and high wages. The money she earns every month includes wages, bonuses, and meals. It is said that everyone will have year-end dividends, which is higher than her It costs more than a hundred yuan to be a trainee superintendent in the anti-narcotics brigade. The job is simple, the life is stable, and the income is good. Although I feel a little lonely, the An Xin at this time is completely different from the An Xin when I first arrived in South Germany more than a year ago.She has just experienced a life-and-death fight and parting, she needs to be alone, she needs to be quiet, she doesn't want to get close to anyone, she doesn't need to confide in anyone, she doesn't need any entertainment or friends.She just wants to live quietly like this, and it's good to live like this.However, this quiet life that was almost too boring in the eyes of outsiders did not last long. On the morning when An Xin came to Beiqiu to settle down for three months and six days, she submitted a proposal to the sales department of her building materials company. He wrote a simple resignation report and quietly left Beiqiu that night. Walking away so hastily and quietly, of course something special happened.This kind of thing is said to be special, but in fact, it is probably very common in those small places, very common, and it is not worth making a fuss about.That is: the newly appointed manager of this building material company, the son of the company owner who had just relinquished the position of manager and retired to become the chairman of the board, after making many hints to An Xin, finally made a public and firm statement to An Xin. She wooed. In An Xin's eyes, the chairman's heir is a typical playboy, surrounded by beautiful women all day long, and is complacent about the squandering of a poor man getting rich.After seeing An Xin, he swore that he would never approach women again, and he let An Xin see that he kept his word.He is in his thirties, and this perseverance can be obtained at least in the short term.Just like when I was chasing An Xin, he kept inviting her out for dinner, caring for and improving various living conditions; what is more convenient than my chasing An Xin is that after being rejected, he can use the status of the company leader to condescend She cared deeply about her thinking and business performance, and often called her to the manager's office alone to "talk about work" or something... An Xin couldn't get rid of it, there was nowhere to hide, and her only way was to call Lao Pan.But what can Lao Pan do? Apart from teaching her some methods on the phone so that she can handle it properly, there is no other way. The methods taught by Lao Pan are too common, but they are just the words and ways that ordinary women reject men, or in other words, some outdated techniques for ordinary female subordinates to reject male bosses.This is useless for the big money in a small place who thinks that money has everything.Perhaps there is only one useful method, and that is An Xin to confess her life experience to him - she was married and had children. She is not Xiaobi Yuhe Yanhong from Baoshan, but An Xin, an anti-narcotics police officer who was chased and killed incognito.This is the only way to frighten the manager who has little experience and has never seen the world, but Lao Pan absolutely forbids her to use this method. The manager of this private enterprise possesses power through inheritance of the monarch's hereditary property. The general characteristics of such people who come to power are nothing more than bragging, extravagance and abuse of power.Especially in terms of personnel, it must be the individual who has the final say.In this kind of private company, the degree of freedom of power is already quite high.With just one word, he decided to transfer An Xin from the sales department to the general manager's office, as a public relations secretary, responsible for assisting the manager in socializing with clients, and informed her that he would accompany him on business trips to Dali and Kunming in the next few days.In private, he also promised to appoint her as the company's assistant manager immediately, and found another independent apartment for her.The day after he put the keys to this two-bedroom apartment on An Xin's desk, An Xin decided to resign and left Beiqiu that day. She returned to Qingmian. At this moment, she only wanted to go home, and she only thought of her parents and her children waiting for her at home. Her home, as An Xin described to me, is a beautiful northern courtyard house. This was when An Xin’s father made the most money by running a workshop. It was flipped on the foundation of the house.Gray walls and blue tiles, front porch and back building, caisson with double eaves, brick carvings and paintings...it's pretty much the same.Because An Xin's mother came here from Shanxi, the house was built somewhat in the style of the Qi Family Courtyard and the Qiao Family Courtyard.Of course not the scale, but the style.Living in this ancient house, there is a special worldly life mood and joy.Chickens and dogs can also be kept in the yard, which is different from the economic and practical houses of ordinary farmers. The chickens, ducks, dogs and rabbits raised by Anxin are pets and an atmosphere in the home.An Xin is often happy to describe to me the superficially rustic yet high-world atmosphere of her small courtyard. This atmosphere has made this courtyard a symbol of heaven, a symbol of refuge, and a place in my soul. The symbol of Xanadu.The large gray eaves, the patio-like courtyard, the full moon gate and the festive stone lions in their majesty all merged into my meditation—this northern house, in front of a background of majestic mountains and beautiful waters, in the setting sun Against the backdrop of the surrounding traditional Yunnan dwellings in the dark red, in my imagination, like a mirage, there is a lot of smoke. It was with this feeling that I imagined the scene of An Xin returning home—she carried her luggage in the foggy morning and walked into the courtyard that was the same color as the fog and the morning.She saw the mother who was feeding the chickens in the yard at dawn. After staring at her in amazement, the mother silently hugged her. The father who just got up just walked out of the room with his clothes on and saw his daughter who had finally returned... … The reunion with her parents and son was an indescribable feeling for An Xin, especially when she saw her surviving son after more than three months, she couldn't describe what it was like.Without this child, she might not have felt so sad, and that sadness is actually pity for the child.Now, the child belongs to her alone, without a father—she has never regarded Mao Jie as the father of the child psychologically.She always guessed how pitiful it must be for a child without a father.Compassion often evokes great love, and she feels that only she can take responsibility for the child in this world. She gave the child a new name, which was her mother's idea, called An Xiong.The mother felt that the image of the surname An was like a woman staying in the house, and the surname of a man could easily give people a dull and weak feeling, just like An Xin's father.If there is a single male character after the surname An, it will have a masculine spirit.An Xin also thinks the name is very good, simple and powerful.Moreover, she could call her son Xiaoxiong Xiaoxiong, and Xiaoxiong became his nickname.The word "Xiaoxiong" gave her the impression that she was both brave and naive, which was very suitable for her son's appearance.It was not until a long time later that she heard that people in the Northeast said that bear actually means stupid, timid and useless. Because of this child, An Xin tried not to think about Tie Jun as much as possible, Tie Jun and the child could no longer connect together.She found that this kind of love that could not be connected together or even opposed was an indescribable pain for her. Now her nerves are overtired and very fragile, and she can no longer bear this kind of pain mentally. She is with the children, living with the parents, so that the mood slowly calms down.After the yard was built, she only came back to live in it occasionally, and it was still a bit strange.Now, she stays at home every day, savoring every corner of the yard carefully, rubbing every thing, looking for the feeling of being at home.She spends more time playing with the child, and when the child sleeps, she stays by his side, watching his frown slightly while sleeping.The frown made his son's small face look preoccupied.That expression is very similar to Tie Jun, but the facial features are still more like Mao Jie, especially the small mouth and the dimples on the cheeks, the more you look like Mao Jie. In fact, Mao Jie's image should have changed in An Xin's memory, and turned into a walking dead with no expression. That was the last Mao Jie she saw in court. If this face is expressionless, plus the fact that he took Mao Fang to surprise and shoot Tie Jun in the middle of the night, needless to say, I can imagine what a ferocious face it would be. An Xin lived at home for more than half a month, and she began to think about her future.Although her father's traditional Chinese medicine processing factory has long been closed and her mother's salary is negligible, the family's life is still superior.This superiority is a feeling, it is the pampering and comfort of being cared for every morning and evening. This kind of pampering and comfort is something she has rarely enjoyed since she left home many years ago to practice Taoism, study and work.But once she enjoys the warmth under the wings of her parents, she has another kind of anxiety, which is the loss of the future. An Xin's personality and aspirations since she was a child cannot be so leisurely and enjoyable forever.Her father once advised her to stay and study medicine with him, so as to pass on the skills passed down from her ancestors. In this era, even the most traditional Chinese medicine families are no longer obsessed with the vulgar custom of passing on from son to daughter.Moreover, Chinese medicine is an eternal job. No matter how the world develops, changes, and is incredible, even on the day when farmers only use keyboards on computers when farming, Chinese medicine will not become obsolete!Sooner or later, even foreigners will be superstitious about pills and pills.An Xin's father firmly believes that sooner or later such a day will come!Traditional Chinese medicine is the deepest science. But my mother was unwilling to stay at home and study medicine.Girls seldom study medicine, and patients don't trust them when they learn medicine.My mother also reads a lot of books on humanities and social sciences, and she still has some ideals and ambitions in her bones. She hopes that her children can get out of the family, out of isolation, and travel far.She wanted her offspring to go out, not because she had to help the world, but she felt that young people should go out to see the world, even if they failed in their careers, they could be regarded as tempered.My mother firmly believes that whether a young man has been tempered or not, the quality of his life will definitely be different in the future.In addition, the mother also thought that An Xin would take care of a child at home alone. After a long time, the neighbors and villagers in the village would always gossip.She and An Xin, the mother and daughter are both people who want to save face. Besides, after the daughter is determined, she will always choose a son-in-law to marry.Not to mention that Xiao Bumao's mother in this small place didn't have a crush on her, but she just fell in love with her. An Xin dragged a child to a second marriage and remarried, would he want it?The customs and thoughts of all small places place great importance on women's chastity and integrity, especially the people of Yunnan, who want face more than life. So my mother said to An Xin: "Mom is reluctant to let you go, and mother can support you if you stay at home for the rest of your life. But you are a college student, do you feel good about staying like this for the rest of your life? Do you still want to go to a big city like Guangping again? ?” An Xin remained silent when her mother asked this question.The mother said: "Don't worry, little bear, I can take it for you. Don't worry about the child dragging you down." An Xin remained silent.At night, when she was sleeping, she said to her mother: "Mom, if I leave, I will leave Yunnan and go to a farther place. Moreover, I will take the child with me. The child should be with the mother." On the seventh day of the communication between mother and daughter, An Xin packed a simple bag on her back, packed all the 3,500 yuan in cash that her parents could piece together, and hugged her son who was worried after he fell asleep. I got on a train that stopped briefly in Qingmian in the middle of the night.On the morning of the second day, the train pulled An Xin, mother and son, into the foggy Guangping. An Xin got off the train at Guangping.She went directly from the station to the Guangping Revolutionary Cemetery.She doesn't know when she will be able to come to Guangping again in this life, and she may never return from this long trip, so she wants to take another look at Tiejun. Under the guidance of the cemetery staff, she quickly found the ashes of Tie Jun stored here.She bought two bouquets of flowers at the management office of the cemetery, put them in Tie Jun's ashes burial cabinet, and said her farewell silently in her heart.She didn't cry.Although, this is the first person to give her a happy family, the person she once placed her future dreams on.Although her life will become lonely and helpless because of this person's departure, and her future is uncertain, she can only go on alone because she has to raise her children. So she can't let the grief overwhelm her, she can't cry forever! When she left the cemetery, a staff member asked for her name, and then gave her a phone number, saying that someone had asked them to pass it on to her when An Xin came to visit the grave, hoping that An Xin could contact him. An Xin looked at the phone number and a name written under the number. The name was Li Quanfu, and the words and sounds were very unfamiliar. An hour later, in a secluded snack bar in the city, she met Li Quanfu on both sides of a pot of tea.As soon as they met, she knew that this was Master Li who worked in the mortuary of the People's Hospital. They sat down facing each other, without much greetings, Master Li took out something from his arms and placed it on the table.Take a look at it with peace of mind, everything is clear.The tears that hadn't shed when I bid farewell to Tie Jun just now fell down in a flutter. It is the Gongguanyin. Master Li took a sip of tea and said only one sentence: "His family does not agree with him taking this away." An Xin picked up the Jade Guanyin and stroked it in her hand. The thin red string on it was still brand new.She said, "Excuse me, Master Li." Master Li looked at the child in her arms and the box on the ground, and asked, "Are you going out?" An Xin said: "Yes, I want to go to a far, far place, and I will never come back to Guangping again." An Xin really thinks this way: she will never come back to Guangping again. In the afternoon of this day, she broke up with the kind and responsible Master Li at the snack bar, and An Xin boarded a train going north again, starting the real journey she insisted on going through.After three days and three nights of crowded, noisy and sleepless trek, she arrived in Beijing on a rainy morning. Beijing, a city that she longs for, admires and impresses deeply, has a honeymoon trip that she will never forget.She doesn't expect Beijing to give her any achievements and careers. A foreigner like her with unknown identity, unknown background, no expertise in education, and dragging her children, can barely settle in this international metropolis full of talents. , and certainly cannot survive.She came to Beijing only because the distance between Beijing and her is far enough no matter how you look at it.As long as she has a place to stand here and survive for a while, she believes that she will forget the past and get a completely new transformation.Therefore, the meaning of Beijing to her is a kind of escape from the city. At the same time, Beijing can also change her appearance and give her another passion for life. Another reason for her coming to Beijing was that she suddenly remembered that there was an acquaintance here.This acquaintance is a masseur from the Taekwondo Team of the Armed Police, the old man who used to be her physical coach in the Taekwondo Team of the Baoshan District Sports School. When she came to Beijing for her honeymoon last time, she went to visit her teacher at the station of the Armed Police Taekwondo Training Team, and she still had the impression that the place was on a street near Xidan.After she arrived in Beijing, she first found a farmer's house of six to seven square meters on the riverside in a half-urban and half-rural area in Fengtai District. The monthly fee was 800 yuan, including the landlord's childcare for her.After settling down with her house and children, she went to the Xidan area to look for her. The address was lost but her memory was still there.But when she arrived in Xidan, she didn't expect that Xidan had changed completely. There were many new buildings, a large green space that was not there before, and the roads became wider.She stood at the corner of the street, a little bit lost.She searched and inquired everywhere, and finally found out that the training hall had moved a long time ago, and her whereabouts were lost.She searched for another three days, and finally found the new location of the Armed Police Taekwondo Team when she was almost desperate.She found a young trainer who knew the old trainer in that brand new gym. The young trainer told her that the masseuse she was looking for was no longer here. He had cancer and his son picked him up, and now Maybe he still lives in Anzhen Hospital. Anzhen Hospital is on the side of Anzhen Bridge. If you take a taxi, the driver will know it.In fact, An Xin must not be able to afford a taxi. She inquired about the route and walked and took a bus for nearly two hours before finding Anzhen Hospital. In a crowded ward at the corner of the third floor, she saw the dying old coach.It was obviously impossible for her to come to the hospital to ask the old coach to help her find a job. She came only to visit him, to do a little bit of mentoring and apprenticeship. The old coach is doing well and can still talk to her.You can even write by hand. He actually tremblingly wrote a short message for An Xin.The letter was addressed to one of his students, who was also working as a masseuse at a taekwondo gym.信上说他快死了，临死前再托他一事，就是帮他一个干孙女找份工作。他把这信叠好交给安心的时候安心掉了眼泪，她这一刻突然觉得她还是很幸运的，她这一生中遇到了太多的好人。 安心走出医院，站在街边，在连天阴雨后猛然露面的炫目的阳光下，展开了那封说不定将成为绝笔的恳托信。那信的底部写着一个歪歪扭扭笔划变形的地址，还写着可以抵达那个地址的公共汽车的线路。 她乘了那路公共汽车，找到了那个地方。那是一个用大铁门关起的大院子，院子里还有楼。铁门的一倒挂着一个竖匾，上书：京师业余体育运动学校；还挂着一个方牌，上书：京师跆拳道俱乐部。 两个月之后，在一个阳光明媚的下午，安心拎着一把墩布在京师跆拳道俱乐部训练厅的窗下走过，从高高的窗外斜射进来的日光像雾一样笼罩了她的全身，渲染出一片幻境般的股俄。在窗户的对面，刚刚集合列队的一批初来乍到的学员，用快意的目光追随着她的形影，其中就包括我和刘明浩肆无忌惮的眼睛。