Chapter 21 Chapter 21

A year after I saw An Xin for the first time in the training hall of the Taekwondo gymnasium of Jingshi Sports School, and a week after Zhong Ning and I parted ways, I took An Xin and her lovely son Xiaoxiong into my At home, we started our cohabitation life. Living together with An Xin this time is completely different from the last time I forced her to stay and serve me like a rascal with a sprained foot. This time I live with An Xin officially, almost like a common declaration of ours. A conscious choice made by both parties is a recognition of the other party that cannot be expressed more forcefully without it, and a way for us to get comfort, caress and dependence from each other.This kind of life made me realize my responsibilities and obligations, and made me suddenly become as old as an adult.

Every morning, An Xin would get up early to cook for us, and I got up to help the little bear dress and talk to him.Then we had breakfast together, leaving the table behind and leaving the pots and pans and scum until evening.An Xin hurried to work in the furniture city on the third ring road. I went with her, took the little bear to a residential building near the furniture city, and handed the child over to his "grandmother"—a very charitable old man whose children were desolate under his knees. Mrs.The old lady charged us a low fee for babysitting. The main reason was to make the baby and her company happy in her later years. Even if we didn’t pay her to let her watch for nothing, she would be willing, but we would feel bad if we didn’t pay.

After delivering the children every day, I went out to find a job.I have to work!Because I want to support An Xin and her child.You feel very fulfilled and energized when someone you love needs you, and that's one thing that gets you excited.This is completely different from the way I used to think and feel about work.I used to be used to doing nothing, and I had aspirations to excel, but neither was as noble as the feeling I have now. At the beginning, I didn't know that looking for a job is psychologically a process of repeated torture and destruction of self-esteem.I am handsome, have a college degree, have some training in my eloquence, and have seen a little bit of the world. During job interviews, I can basically be graceful and well-mannered, and I will not blush and articulate.I originally thought that with my conditions, even if I am not a must-have talent for businesses, I will not be ignored and can't find something to do, so I can't help being complacent.Only after visiting several companies did I realize that what is lacking now is only a handful of professional talents such as computer software engineers, senior finance, financial business management, etc.Everything is missing.College students like me who are not popular in majors and have a diploma can only be regarded as ordinary talents.There are too many ordinary people, and they are everywhere.Without the support of acquaintances, the academic qualifications and advantages I think I am proud of are actually nothing in the eyes of others.

In the process of looking for a job, I kept degrading, and even went to a computer company to work as a "blue collar" for a few days, just moving those dead computers all day long.To the outside world, he is the administrator of the supply department of this computer company, but what he does every day is pure manual work.Later, I found out that the work of moving computers and moving cabbage, giving rice, and moving wood is actually similar, and there is no difference in nature.After working for three days, I saw that what they needed was a labor force, so I immediately fired the company.Times have changed. A few years ago, it was always said that those who sell missiles are not as profitable as those who sell eggs, and those who learn computers are not as fast as pigs. Now the history that has been reversed has finally been reversed, and those who have physical strength are not as good as those who sell brains. more money!

I had to find some connections I knew when I was working at Guoning Company, and I stopped immediately after finding two.These companies are all holding Guoning as a big customer. They all know what kind of grievances and entanglements have occurred between me and the Zhong family. The silly X who was kicked out by the family. The image of me in the eyes of these people is a poor wretch who deserves to be unlucky and does not deserve sympathy.Moreover, people like me who don't know right from wrong and lawless people are afraid to avoid them. If I give money to do nothing, people don't necessarily want me.

I can't find anyone who can help me.Including Liu Minghao, including my dad. I called Liu Minghao three times, but he didn't answer; when I called his cell phone, the person who answered the phone was a woman with a foreign accent. I heard it was the little secretary Liu Minghao hired cheaply. After asking for a long time who you were, I told me Whoever it was, she immediately said that Mr. Liu was not there and had gone on a business trip.I know Liu Minghao is on the side, I can feel it.I originally wanted to say: You tell him to come back and call me.But think about it or forget it, why bother.

I went to find my dad, but I couldn't say anything when I saw my dad's distraught appearance.Not long after I resigned, my father was also dismissed by Guoning Company on the grounds that migrant workers from Jiangsu and Henan had a fight on the construction site.In fact, my dad was not responsible for the fight at all. If the management is not strict, I should talk to the people from the construction company.But my dad didn't appeal. No one knows that looking for this is just a crime to be imposed. Anyway, he is going to be fired. You can say anything.Although my dad is old, he still has this look in his eyes.He doesn't hate Zhong Ning and Zhong Guoqing at all, what he hates is me.

An Xin couldn't find anyone who could help her, her only old friend in Beijing, her first coach got cancer, and finally died six months ago in the hospital. She gets a basic salary of 200 yuan a month from the furniture factory, and the rest depends on sales commissions.If the sales are good, you can raise 800 or 900 at the end of the month, and the maximum is 2,600 a month. If the sales are not good, you can raise 300 to 500.An Xin also sent 1,500 yuan to Captain Pan in the month of mentioning 2,600 yuan.The last time Xiaoxiong suffered from a sudden illness with a high fever, Zhe Pan happened to be on a business trip to Beijing, and he spent all the travel expenses of 1,000 yuan with him before reluctantly allowing the child to be admitted to the hospital first. This is what I saw at the intersection of Jingshi Sports School. I shed tears about that night.Later, Lao Pan sent me another 5,000 yuan to repay the medical expenses that An Xin had borrowed from me.Of the 5,000 yuan, 3,000 yuan was from the anti-narcotics brigade reporting to the bureau to apply for a special subsidy for peace of mind, and the other 2,000 yuan was collected by medical workers, old money, and some other comrades in the team.An Xin has never returned.

My cohabitation life with An Xin was full of ups and downs and difficulties from the very beginning, and this was also the happiest and most passionate period of time we spent together.In those days, we get strength from being in love and feel happiness.No matter how bad it is, never complain about the other party.Every morning when we break up, we are encouraged by this, and our belief is that we are all alive and hard for each other, so we are more spiritually fulfilled.During the day, no matter what difficulties and unhappiness we encounter, we will always think that we have a common home, and we will all look forward to returning to our nest early when Yemu comes.Every night, we leaned on each other, sitting on the rug in front of the sofa, watching the child sleeping on the sofa.In order to save electricity bills, we turned off the lights, did not turn on the TV, and just sat and talked softly.Sometimes I don’t say anything, just sit silently, put my head on my lap with peace of mind, we touch each other’s body, my heart is full of happiness and peace, full of nobility and purity that I have never felt before, And a little bit tragic.

If we don’t count the children’s expenses, our monthly food expenses were always controlled within 200 yuan during that period, and we often lived on pickles.An Xin said that she is used to this kind of hard life anyway, but Yang Rui, you are used to delicacies from mountains and seas, how can you lose your nutrition all of a sudden. I said it's okay, I'm in good health, and my previous thinness has nothing to do with nutrition.I didn't feel that I couldn't keep up with nutrition during that period of simple food and drink, and I had sex with An Xin almost every day at night.If I liked a girl before, I must have never slept with her. Once I have slept with her, I will talk to this person, or even give it up.I don't know why I have such an enduring fascination with An Xin's body.

We make love every day, and because we have fully understood each other, we can enjoy it to the fullest. Every time, it is particularly harmonious, perfect, fully satisfying, and the quality is extremely high. We just need to suppress our voice and try not to wake up the child.I fully appreciate and understand the unique role of spiritual pleasure in sex, and I understand that the pleasure of intercourse without love is simply incomparable to the orgasms we feel every night now.This kind of spiritual enjoyment was something I never experienced during my Playboy days. In the next period of time, because I couldn't find a more suitable job, I had to put down my face and do some physical work.Later, even the work of moving computers passed through this village and there was no such shop.Later, I moved books to the publishing house, moved drinks and beer to the wholesale food station, and moved cables to the power supply bureau... In short, I need to make money!I need to go home exhausted every day with a pale face and a gray body, so that An Xin will love me from the bottom of my heart! At that time, if there was no pain, no love in my heart, and no feeling of being hurt and loved, I would definitely not persevere in such suffering.Dirt and fruit are not the main thing, the main thing is the anxiety and uneasiness because of work and the sense of lowliness like migrant workers from other places.Once I delivered beer to a restaurant named "Friday", and I ran into a girl who had chased me at the door. She was coming to eat with a group of fashionable men and women in a famous brand, and she couldn't recognize me when she saw me like this Out. "Hey, isn't this Yang Rui, why are you so virtuous?" I couldn't tell whether her tone was sincere or teasing, "I heard that you resigned, what's the matter, are you now in the beer business? Or do you want to experience life here?" I smiled, and met her and her friends' stares without evasion, and said, "No, it's my life experience." That's right, it's about experiencing me in life, to see what else I can't bear, whether it's tiredness, hunger, sense of loss, or face.I've gotten through all of this.Although An Xin and I treat this kind of life psychologically differently, she is more natural, happy in poverty, has no sense of suffering, and really feels happy when there is a little good thing, but I always feel that all these are temporary, and I still have a bright future day.All these unforeseen and never-before-experienced sufferings and hardships are God's trials and tests for our love! In this unforgettable life, one of the most difficult hurdles to pass was that the child was sick, and just like last time, he had a high fever.We carried him to the emergency room in the middle of the night, and we diagnosed that the cause of the high fever was the same as last time, it was congenital pleurisy attack. The doctor said the child had to be hospitalized.Same as last time, the deposit for hospitalization is at least 3,000, and if it is less, it will not be charged.An Xin and I were at our wits' end, and in desperation, we had no other choice. I stomped my feet, took An Xin with the child in my car, and went to Tuanjie Lake to find my dad. After Zhong Ning and I broke up, my dad and I only met once, and we broke up after a fight.My dad, after drinking for a few days, was so angry that he said something that hurt my personality and insulted An Xin. I almost swore at that time that I would never see him again.But now that An Xin's child is sick like this, An Xin is so anxious that all she has left to cry is, as her man, I can only put down my face, put down my pride and kneel down, and knock on my father's door again. We arrived at Tuanjie Lake by car. I wanted An Xin and the children to wait for me outside, but it was raining that day and they had no place to stay outside.Besides, I was also worried that my dad would not lend me money even if he had money, so I simply let An Xin go upstairs with the bear in his arms. I wanted my dad to see how sick this child is. But as soon as I knocked on the door, my heart was half cold. My dad was drinking again, half drunk.This was the first time he saw An Xin, and he was taken aback at first, unable to realize who the woman holding the child was.I said, "Dad, this is Anxin. Her child is very sick. Can you help us?" My dad's face was flushed, he didn't know whether he was angry or he had drunk too much, his face was not only red but also crooked, his speech was slurred but his voice was very loud, venting the anger he had accumulated for a long time. "I'll help you, who will help me? Yang Rui, are you still my son? You don't care if your father has no work and food. I only have such a little pension. I can't even afford corn bread. Are you young and strong?" Come to frighten me, let the neighbors hear you and scold you to death!" I suppressed the fire, held my breath, and said, "Dad, this child has acute pleurisy, and his life is in danger if he is treated quickly. Please help us and save him." My dad didn't even look at the children or An Xin, but he pointed at them and yelled at me: "Whose child is this? Is it yours? Is it our old Yang's child? what!Even you don't look like a member of Lao Yang's family anymore. People from Lao Yang's family can't do things like you! " I finally got anxious and raised my voice: "What did I do? There is nothing shameful about what I did!" "You don't feel ashamed, do you? You don't feel ashamed. I feel ashamed. I'm ashamed! People say that this woman is not a decent person. Don't you believe it? If you don't believe it, why did such a child appear? You said it wasn't yours, it wasn't yours, what are you carrying around all day long! You rubbed it on your body more and more, and brought it home to me after rubbing it all over. That child isn't yours, and you have the face to bring it home, you Don’t you really feel ashamed? I’ve lost people to death! I can’t fucking afford to lose this person! Get them out of here quickly!” I was so angry that I rushed up and grabbed my dad. I looked like I was going to die, but I couldn't say anything except shouting "What are you talking about?"An Xin held the child in one hand and pulled me with the other. She shouted anxiously: "Yang Rui, let go! He is your father, let go Yang Rui." face, and shouted at the same time: "You are not my son, you are a woman and you dare to beat your father! You are a beast!" Tears welled up in my eyes, and I turned, shaking, and ran out the door, out of the house where I had grown up. An Xin ran out with me, and behind us was my dad's irrational shout: "If you have the backbone, don't come back, I don't recognize you as a son, and you don't have my father, so I raised you for nothing. Ten years, twenty years of raising you for nothing!" I ran to the street, the rain scattered the tears on my face, but the tears kept coming up, blurring my vision.The streets, vehicles, and pedestrians in the rain all seemed to be covered in a thick glass cover, shadowy and indistinct.An Xin chased her out. Holding an umbrella in one hand and holding the child in the other, she chased after them in the rain with difficulty.I stood under the empty awning at the 403 bus stop, my body soaked and my head drooping, not wanting her to see my tears.An Xin came over, still holding the red cloth umbrella mechanically, and she said: "Yang Rui, you are doing this to your father for me. Yes, but I, I am nothing. Me and this child, we are nothing..." I turned around and hugged her, and I hugged her and the hot little bear in her arms with dull eyes.The red umbrella tilted from our heads and slid down, and none of us picked it up.I hugged them tightly and didn't say anything.A No. 403 bus pulled into the station, a few people got off from it, then the doors closed and drove away.I still hold An Xin and the child tightly, I put my face on her shoulder, I can feel the slight twitch on her shoulder: "I said earlier, I am a vixen, no matter which man wants it I'm going to be unlucky." I hugged her tightly, and in the increasingly heavy rain, I said: "I just want you, and I want this child too, I won't be unlucky, neither of us will be unlucky! We will be happy in the future ! Happier than them!" This is also what I expressed to the doctor in the hospital an hour later-the child is mine!I took out my ID card and An Xin's ID card to the doctor, and I said, "The child is also a national, you can't just ignore it. I put all the ID cards here, can you let the child be hospitalized first?" , I will send you the deposit." The doctor was a woman in her thirties, she looked at me and at An Xin, probably we didn't look like adults, nor did we look like parents.She asked suspiciously: "Are you the child's father? Your surname is Yang. Why is the child's surname An?...Oh, it's the mother's surname." She took a look at An Xin, An Xin looked a lot like a child.She said: "Accordingly, we don't have the right to detain your ID cards. Let me discuss with the inpatient department. You can take your child to the treatment room for IV drip first. Can you stay in the hospital for a while? You should pay for the IV drip first." Bar." An Xin and I looked at each other, and I said to An Xin: "Let the kid hit it first, I'll get the money right away." I turned around and walked out the door, An Xin called me to stop, she didn't dare to amplify her voice in front of the doctor, and asked blankly, "Yang Rui, where can you get it?" I didn't know where I could get it, so I said, "Look for someone." The doctor issued an order, and personally took An Xin and the child to the treatment room, telling the staff in the treatment room to inject the needle first.Because according to regulations, there is no "cash received" stamp on the receipt, and the treatment room will not give you the injection. I went back to the rain again, holding that old and faded red umbrella, standing in a daze in the rain, I couldn't think of where I could go! I still went to find Liu Minghao. I didn't call, went directly to Fangzhuang, and found his house.I think if he is not at home, I will wait for him at the door. As I hoped, Liu Minghao is at home.I hope he was sleeping at home after being late at the bar last night.Liu Minghao said before that when it is windy and rainy, it is most comfortable to sleep with the quilt covered. It would be even better if there is hail outside! I knocked on the door, but he wouldn't open it. I don't know if he really didn't wake up or was too lazy to get up, or he saw me through the cat's eyes and pretended not to be at home.I kept knocking patiently, and kept knocking for ten minutes. The neighbors around me opened their doors to see me, and I felt ashamed when I knocked. I was about to go downstairs in frustration when the door opened. Liu Minghao was disheveled and sleepy. Seeing me standing at the door with my whole body wet, he was a little embarrassed and apologetic. "Yang Rui? Why are you here so early, yo, it's almost eleven o'clock, look at me sleeping... Come on, come in, come in, where did you get rich all this time, everyone is looking I don't want you anymore." I entered the house, the house was newly carpeted, I stood at the door, afraid to go in.Like a countryman covered in water for fear of soiling his master's room.Liu Minghao helped me get the slippers, and said, "It's so big outside, do you want to change?" I stood in the hallway, took off all my wet clothes, and put on a pair of fat and big clothes thrown by Liu Minghao. trousers and a jumper before entering his living room. Liu Minghao also put on a pajamas, with his hair crooked, sat down on the sofa face to face with me, and asked, "How about this period, did you live alone or with..." I said, "I'm still with An Xin." Liu Minghao's surprise was always performative, but he might not have been surprised in his heart: "Good guy, it's been a long time, it's been more than four months. Didn't you and Zhong Ning sing after the Spring Festival? Oh, there is a little It's been half a year." I said: "Old Liu, I have a difficult problem now, can you lend me some money?" Liu Minghao probably guessed my reason for coming a long time ago. He hangs out with friends from all walks of life in bars and restaurants all day long. He won't be unaware of what happened to anyone.He said: "Are you in a hurry? I just made a business recently, and all the money has been put in. I'm still borrowing money from others." I bowed my head and said, "It's very urgent. I need it today. An Xin's child is sick." Liu Minghao paused, and said: "Tell the truth to the eldest brother, is that child yours? Why don't they believe me? I brought you to know An Xin. It's not enough months. Why did you come out?" Have a child?" I said, "Not mine." "Then why are you so concerned?" I couldn't answer for a long time, and it took me a long time to say: "I love them." Liu Minghao was stunned, this really didn't look like me, not like the boy he was familiar with, Yang Rui, who went around picking up girls and having fun, as long as he was happy.He looked at me for a while and said, "What's wrong, how much do you want?" I said, "The deposit for hospitalization is three thousand..." He said: "Where are you now? There must be a trade union in your unit, can't you give me some advance money?" I said, "It's hard to find a job now, and what I'm doing now are temporary jobs..." Liu Minghao sighed, and said: "I have advised you, Yang Rui, don't think that you can earn money just because you are beautiful, even if you are beautiful, the probability of meeting a woman like Zhong Ning is not so high, you must Listen to me. As I said earlier, people can’t want everything. If you want this, don’t want that. Once you have money and a career, don’t want any more love, and don’t be greedy for those empty words. Peace of mind is beautiful I like it too, but there are so many things, not having one is a blessing! As I said earlier, Princess Diana of the United Kingdom is awesome? She has fame, status, and money, but she still wants love, and it turns out..." I stood up before he finished speaking and walked towards the door without saying a word.Liu Minghao called out behind me: "Yang Rui!" I didn't answer.He saw me change into the wet clothes I threw there in the hallway with a calm face, followed me, smiled, and said, "You are so fucking poor and ambitious..." I changed back into my wet clothes and opened the door. Liu Minghao said, "Which hospital is it? I'll go there later." Liu Minghao arrived at the hospital around three o'clock in the afternoon. He paid a deposit of 3,000 yuan for me, and put 1,000 yuan in my hand.He said: "Tell you, this is equivalent to lending you 8,000 yuan. I sold my stock for you. Now that it is locked up, throwing it out at this time is equivalent to losing half of it. I have no other choice. You can remember!" I took the money.From the bottom of my heart, I feel how humble I am! Liu Minghao looked at An Xin in the treatment room, but didn't speak to her.He patted me on the shoulder and said, "I'm going first, I'll call you in a few days." A few days later, Liu Minghao called me beautifully, and he invited me to eat Shanghai cuisine at the Lulu Restaurant in Tuanjie Lake. I went. I used to come to this famous Shanghai restaurant. The environment is nice and the food is cheap.When I arrived, Liu Minghao hadn't come yet, so I searched around inside and outside and stood at the door waiting for him without seeing anyone.After waiting for half an hour, he came in a Xiali. When he saw me standing stupidly at the door, he complained to me: "Why don't you go to the ordering station first?" I didn't say anything, and followed him inside Well, Liu Minghao might have forgotten that I carry at most 20 yuan with me now, how dare I sit down and order food by myself in this kind of place!What if he doesn't come after I ordered food! We went in and found a seat, Liu Minghao took the menu from the lady, handed it to me, and said, "I'm so annoyed with ordering." I pushed the menu back and said, "You can order." I haven't eaten out for a long, long time, and I'm not used to ordering. Seeing that we were pushing each other, the lady took the opportunity to recommend two expensive dishes.Liu Minghao didn't want it, saying that he had eaten both of those vegetable fields and they were not good.He ordered a few dishes by himself, braised lion head in braised oil, fried eel paste, braised fish head, and so on. Then he ordered beer and asked the lady to serve it quickly, and then he started chatting with me. "I'm looking for you today. I really have something to do." He said, "Do you have another place to live now?" I didn't understand it for a while: "No, I will live in our house." Liu Minghao was a little embarrassed: "Hey, it was your dad who came to me, asked me to find you, and wanted you to move out of that house. Isn't that the room your dad allocated? He is going to rent that room out now. Talk to the next family." My face froze all of a sudden, I'm not saying that my father was too cruel, I just felt that I was so embarrassed in front of Liu Minghao that I lost any dignity - even if your own father wants to kick you out, what danger do you have? ! Liu Minghao also explained for my dad: "It's not easy for your dad. It's harder for him to find a job to make money now than you. It's either that he doesn't like things, or he doesn't like things. What kind of factory Director, project vice president, where can I find such things, but he doesn't want to find a place to watch the car and guard the door, and he can't afford to lose that position. He will only be able to live on his little pension in the future. It’s hard enough. If there is a house that can be rented out, at least it can maintain normal expenses. You know your father, and there is no one to take care of him after the babysitter left. He usually likes to drink, There's definitely not enough money to spend." I suppressed the anger and desolation in my heart, this is my dear father, I can't get angry in front of outsiders.I said slowly: "Old Liu, tell me, where do I live?" Liu Minghao tapped his fingers on the table without speaking. After knocking for a while, he shook his head, sighed, and said, "That's right, you have nowhere to go. Besides, you still have a peace of mind, and you have a child. Then How can I tell Yiba later? Just say you can't move now? " I drank my beer and said, "It's up to you, you can say whatever you want. Tell him that he asked the factory for this apartment in my name. If he didn't let me live in it, he should give it to me. Give the room back." Liu Minghao said: "Now the state-owned enterprises have stopped allocating housing for welfare, and the allocated housing has to be bought by individuals. If your father buys this housing, it is his personal property. He has the right to let you live in it, and he has the right to Let you move. You are not a minor and the law must protect you. In my opinion, you should go home and talk softly to your father. When people get old, they always eat soft things instead of hard things." I said, "Tell him that he has his rights, and he can exercise them if he wants to. Even if he forcibly confiscates the house and goes to court to order me to move out, I won't be unable to live. I live under a bridge and on the road." I won't beg him either! You tell him, An Xin, me, and Xiao Xiong, we will live a good life!" Seeing that I was excited, Liu Minghao followed my words and said: "That's right, let's live..." He only answered "Let's live" and then stopped suddenly. I guess he originally wanted to say: "First He was the one who died." Fortunately, he stopped.Anyway, I am my dad's son after all, no matter how he treats me, he is still my dad.I think that once I have money in the future, I will still help him support him, and so will An Xin.At that time, seeing him feel uncomfortable or not! Liu Minghao raised his glass, touched me, and said conciliatoryly, "I'll go back to work as your father. Your father must still feel sorry for you. The main reason is that he can't accept An Xin and that child." Then he transferred Topic, "Hey, if you really have nothing to do now, I know a buddy who is the director of the laundry factory of the Rendezvous Hotel. They want to hire a mechanic there. Aren't you studying mining machinery? Would you like to?" Are you willing to work as a mechanic with them? I think the common sense of mechanics is the same." We didn't talk about my dad anymore during that meal, and Liu Minghao didn't ask An Xin or Little Bear, as if they were all unclean things.I made three bowls of rice for that meal, and I ate very much, but I intentionally ate less vegetables.When paying the bill, I asked Liu Minghao if I could pack so many leftovers and take them home.To be honest, I haven’t enjoyed such a delicacy for a long time. I especially want An Xin and Xiaoxiong to share it. People’s thoughts when they are poor are often so simple and straightforward.Liu Minghao quickly said no problem, no problem, and took the initiative to call the waiter to bring a packing box.He also asked me if I would like to order two more dishes to bring together, I said no. I happily came home with those leftovers that night, hopeful that I left work without eating.When I got home, An Xin had already returned, and she said that she had already eaten, that she was full after eating a steamed bun on the way to the hospital to see the little bear after get off work.I went to the kitchen to have a look, and there was half a steamed bun left. I insisted on reheating the dish and letting her eat some more, and she ate it.I sat across from her and watched her chewing carefully while eating, which made me feel very comfortable.I said, "Do you still remember when I invited you to dinner and you always pretended to be my grandson?" She took a mouthful of food and raised her head to wink at me: "How can I pretend to be a grandson?" Well, you forgot to pretend that you don’t want to touch men.” She didn’t know whether she really forgot or pretended to be stupid, and said, “What, I remember I borrowed money from you when I first came up, and you were quite unwilling. I almost didn’t jump into the river after hearing what I said.” I smiled and asked, “Why didn’t you jump?” An Xin became serious again, and said, “What if I jumped into the river, little bear?” I was silent for a while, and said: "If you can't finish eating, do you want to bring some to Little Bear tomorrow?" Seeing her immediately put down the chopsticks, I said, "You eat as you like, how much Little Bear can eat so small." An Xin still put away all the dishes, and carefully put them together in an aluminum lunch box.We turned off the refrigerator early to save electricity.An Xin put half a basin of cold water in the kitchen, and put the aluminum lunch box in the town.She said: "No matter how good I have been to my child in my life, I still owe him, and I will always owe him." I said, "You don't owe him anything. You have saved him several times. What else do you owe him?" An Xin didn't speak for a long time, and suddenly said: "He is so young, he doesn't have a father. When he grows up, ask me, what should I say?" I said, "Just tell the truth, what's the matter?" An Xin sighed, her little girl's face seemed to have some old-fashioned wrinkles, she said: "Then he must hate me!" I walked into the kitchen and stood behind An Xin.I didn't know why and suddenly said: "Then let's get married, and I will be the father." This is the first time we have mentioned the word marriage.An Xin lowered her head to wash the dishes, but she didn't respond. "You don't want to talk about this do you?" I asked. An Xin still lowered her head, washing the dishes. I said, "That's assuming I didn't say it." An Xin's movements stopped, she turned around suddenly, hugged me tightly with her wet hands, her whole body twitched, and began to cry. "Yang Rui... How can I have the face to talk to you about marriage? I am a person with children, and I am worthless in front of you. You treat me well and take me in. I can never repay you in my life... I have already ruined Tie Jun, I can’t wrong you anymore. I really didn’t think about it, I never wanted you to marry me! I’ve thought about it, as soon as you find a suitable girl, I’ll leave!” I also hugged An Xin, stroked her back with my hand, and calmed down her sobs.I said: "Where do you want to go, you are the most suitable. In my eyes, you are the best woman. I like you from the inside to the outside. I still think I am not good enough for you. I never mentioned it. The reason for getting married is that you haven't forgotten those things in the past, I want to wait until we mention them, we are still young anyway." An Xin stopped crying, she still hugged me, and we hugged for a long time in this narrow kitchen that couldn't turn around.An Xin sniffled and said, "I'm not lying to you, Yang Rui. I never thought that I would marry someone else. I just want to wait until I raise the child and I'll be a policeman. I don't want to be like Now there is no organization, no colleagues, no collective, living like a beggar for life! But I can’t help it, I’m hiding now, I can’t go home, I can’t go back to the team, I’m afraid I’ll die, what should I do, bear, I’m not doing it now I'm not afraid of death at all, child. Really Yang Rui, don't be so nice to me, I really can't repay you in the future!" I hug An Xin, I hug her, I hug this woman who has changed me, almost reborn me, and I use a strong touch to convey my love.Then I put it close to her ear, and said to her very softly: "I am nice to you because I need you and because I want to be with you. Just wait, sooner or later, I will will marry you!"