Chapter 5 chapter Five

She looked at the golden sun at five o'clock and sighed.Li Zhi walked over with a smile on his bumpy face.She glanced at the cannas in the flowerbed, they were blooming bright red, a black butterfly and a flower butterfly were flying in front of and behind the cannas.She smiled lightly at all of this, explained a few words to Li Zhi, and drove home with a heavy heart.At this moment, she feels that home is her hell, a heavy shackle around her neck, and she longs to open it... Most of the rose leaves are curled up eagerly, and some are already withered.She took a glass of water and poured it in, and she seemed to be able to hear the sizzling sound of the dry and cracked soil in the bowl absorbing water, and seemed to see those criss-crossing roots happily sucking water.She glanced at the sky, there were already evening clouds in the sky, and one after another red clouds were swimming towards the west.From the building in front of you came the sound of music, which was played on the stereo, a baritone singing, and the singing vibrated the hot evening air, like bees flying towards you.She felt her heart soared to a beautiful country, in that country only she and her beloved Dali, she and him were sitting under the blue sky, surrounded by green grass and flowers, and running sheep.She was so fascinated by this phantasy that she did not know that her husband had opened the door and returned.He said coldly to the back of her head, "Why are you in a daze here?"

She turned her head, and he stared at her with a pair of gloomy eyes, and she felt his two eyes splashed on her face like a piece of sewage."I'm watering the flowers," she said, holding a watering cup in her hand. "You've been in a trance recently," he said, "do you think I didn't see it? I don't know what tricks you play. I just want to tell you that we have known each other for more than 20 years. I don't know how many intestines you have in your belly." !" She was astonished. Since she met him in 1973, he had completely occupied her, like a large army occupying an island.She looked at him, and he said again, "I'm just telling you, don't think about it."

From the aggressive tone of his speech, she felt that he seemed to smell a little wind.His face was dark, and the Playboy couple shirt on his body made his face more pointed and darker. This black face was full of suspicion, like oil beads floating on vegetable soup. "Don't think I don't know about you," he said. "You were having tea with a tall man at Castle Tucker a few days ago, and someone saw it. I woke you up, and be careful with me, don't you?" Just let me make a fortune." This sentence is a warning with a threatening nature, which is a Changsha dialect, which includes the meaning of beating someone.

She and Dali often go to Fort Tucker to listen to young boys singing rock, feel the music atmosphere there, and feel the youthful vitality of young people.She thought it was safe there, and that her husband's friends would not visit the "temple" with strong artistic atmosphere.She said, "I also tell you that if you interfere with my affairs, we will divorce." She went out, she just wanted to avoid his sharpness, he is a shameless person, he can hit people, scratch and bite her like a wild dog, and then cry on her knees, explaining his Behavior because he loves her too much and so on.She's had enough of him, she's had enough of these routines over the years.When she first found out that he was taking drugs, she wanted to divorce him. He used these methods to deal with her, a woman's heart.Drugs took away his dignity and made him a wretch.

On a rainy night three years ago, she fell asleep.The phone woke her up.It was her husband who called her from the police station, and he asked her to bring 10,000 yuan to the police station to redeem him for his return. "Something happened to me," he said in a low voice on the other end of the phone, "the police station will fine me 10,000 yuan, or I won't be released." When she heard this, she was very annoyed, she thought he was going out to prostitute He was arrested by the police at the police station.She said angrily, "Did you get arrested for going whoring outside?"

He said, "No." She didn't believe it, "What is it that wants to fine you 10,000 yuan?" "You'll know when you come." He said with tears on the other end of the phone. She opened the small safe, took 10,000 yuan, and drove to the Xinxing Road Police Station. The policeman who handled the case received her.This is a young man, tall, with a fair face and a very gentle speech. "Are you Tian Sheng's lover?" He stared at her in surprise.He probably didn't expect the wife of the drug addict man he caught to be so beautiful and noble.He added: "Your husband takes drugs, do you know that?"

Now it was her turn to be amazed. "He takes drugs? Then I don't know." The expression on her face is that she really doesn't know, she explained: "I'm busy with my business all day long, and he is busy with his... Where is he now?" He took her into an office building and walked to the end of a corridor, where there was a toilet, and an unbearable smell of embarrassment filled the surroundings.Opposite the toilet is an iron gate made of thick round steel welded, and there are black holes in the iron gate.When they got there, her husband seemed to see a savior coming to the iron gate, and called to her, "Deng Ying." She saw Tian Sheng's face framed in the iron railing, and at the same time saw the faces of two other young people. Also embedded in the iron gate.She hated this place so much, the stench from the toilet filled her breath.She reprimanded her husband and said, "You are doing something good."

The husband looked at her with all the honesty of a criminal.The police dragged open the iron gate, and he walked out.The young policeman said: "You must quit the drug, otherwise, no matter how much money you have in your house, it will be empty." She fled from the police station, her husband following her.Back home, the husband looked at her with a penitent look, and there was still some confusion in his eyes, like a dirty dog ​​that hates its master, looking at its master uneasily. "You take drugs, and you started taking drugs behind my back." She looked angry, "How could you become such a person? I make money for this family like this, but you take drugs with my money, how could you be Such a man? You are useless at all!"

He sat on the side sullenly and let her scold him with his head down.She scolded him from the inside to the outside, until she was too tired to speak.She felt that she had scolded enough, and looked at the clock on the wall, it was already past four o'clock in the morning.She went back to bed.He followed her into the bedroom, plopped down on his knees by the bed, lowered his head and said, "I'm really useless, I'm really not good. I'm not as good as you in everything. I didn't go to college. I can make money without you. I owe you There are too many..." She ignored him, turned her face away and closed her eyes to sleep, but she couldn't fall asleep anyway.He was on his knees, which put pressure on her brain and kept her from falling asleep.She endured it and saw what he would do. He kept kneeling and knelt without speaking.Maybe after kneeling for more than half an hour, maybe an hour, she opened her eyes, and the sky outside the window began to turn pale.She turned around and looked at him, and he said with a mean face, "Forgive me."

Now she thinks of this scene, she thinks he can do anything, a person without dignity can do anything, just because he has no dignity, he will do what others disdain to do, what others are afraid to do He dares to do things, everything depends on his lack of self-esteem.It's not a normal man you're getting rid of, it's a scoundrel.She thought, if you want to get rid of a rogue, you have to learn how to be a rogue, but you are a woman, can a woman become a rogue?A woman can be a "chicken", but no one describes a woman as a rogue. That night she fulfilled her promise in the educated youth teahouse—giving her body to Dali. Before that, she was always the last line of defense. Although she fell in love with him, she was constrained by the moral values ​​deeply buried in her heart. It was as if the levee that defended the village was firmly grasped by the criss-crossing tree roots.That night she decided to let it be and leave everything to God to judge.She drove wildly on the road first, and she felt that she was a bit like a wounded and hungry goat in this city, looking for green grass everywhere, but what greeted her was an empty, solid and cold wasteland.She felt more and more that in this city full of tall buildings, she was just a helpless goat whose neck was bleeding but ignored.She felt panic, felt that the world was so cold and strange, like a real goat looking at the noisy city.She decided to go to Fort Tucker, and let the music and the singing of the young people ease her panic and anxiety.

She parked the car on the lawn in front of Fort Tucker and walked into the noisy bar, hoping that the strong rock music would wash her nervous brain.She felt like her mind was overgrown with seaweed, and the seaweed was competing with her life for the oxygen in her brain.She hoped that the storm of rock and roll would sweep her mind, and drive out the panic and bad luck.She sat down at a small square table, and the waitress brought her a cup of tea and a plate of fruit, including cut watermelon, American grapes and apples.A young man with long hair was singing Cui Jian's song under the dim light, while strumming the guitar hard. A group of young girls surrounded the young singer and watched.She estimated that this long-haired young man was only in his twenties, and she thought it would be great if she was only in her twenties, then she could live a new life and make a new choice.A middle-aged man sitting on the side looked at her from time to time, guessing whether she was alone or someone else would come.He looked at her uncertainly, that kind of gaze was the gaze of exploring the mysteries of women, as if a detector was installed on it.She ignores him, let him stare, I'm too lonely by myself.she thinks.Her cell phone rang suddenly in her bag.When she took out her mobile phone, she glanced at the man, who was staring at her in surprise, as if surprised that she still had a mobile phone.She wanted to laugh, but she didn't think the man's appearance was annoying. "Hello." The rock singing and the guitar were too loud, and she couldn't hear each other's voice clearly.She came out with her mobile phone in hand, only then did she hear that the other party was Dali, and he said, "It's like singing and dancing at your place." She seemed to smell the fishy smell on him, the kind of fishy smell that was mixed in this dirty and dusty city.She suddenly wished he was by her side, "Where are you?" "I'm watching TV at home, and the TV is boring, so I'm just playing with you on the phone." She smiled for the pale excuse he made, she seemed to see a beautiful dolphin jumping into the sky, then fell into the blue water and disappeared, but it splashed a beautiful white wave, making the viewers feel elated . "Then come and listen to the music, I'm in Fort Tucker." She said.When she returned to her seat and sat down, the man at the next table still looked at her with that seductive look. A quarter of an hour later, Dali came wearing a fine plaid shirt and a pair of trousers. He didn't see her, but she saw him.She smiled at the fact that she imagined him to be a dolphin, and there was something of a dolphin in his figure, his face, and his smell.The hysterical rock and roll singing made her feel much better. Sitting aimlessly turned into waiting with purpose. This was another reason why her mood improved.She desperately needed a stimulus.She feels that the world is dancing around her, and everyone is playing a role, but she is like a zombie, with no sense of participation, and some are just watching from outsiders.She wanted to join in now, to find herself in some sort of fun-seeking process.She felt that her life was too sunless, and she felt that she was just a wooden man standing on the shore of life.She looked at Dali who was looking for her, and when he was about to approach her, she waved to him and smiled at him.He sat down beside her as she glanced at the man who had been staring at her, who had turned his head away to look at the other women.He was a loner looking for a woman on such occasions, and his life must have been as messed up as hers.She asked Dali: "What kind of tea do you drink?" "Whatever," Dali said, "I haven't seen you for two days, and I feel very kind when I see you." She was glad he said such intimate and provocative words, "I see you are kind too." His eyes stared at her brightly, she liked them, they were black and bright like the eyes of a fish, there was an electric current coming out of these eyes, and they had sex with her. She stared at these eyes. Last night, she dreamed that he kissed her neck for a long time, making her look up.The dream made her heart tremble.She said, "You have nice eyes." "I just have good eyes? How about my nose?" he asked her cheerfully. So she looked at his nose, "The nose is fine." They hadn't sat in Fort Tucker for long, and they didn't need music now, just a world where the two of them were alone, because only in that world could sparks collide with each other.They come out, get into her Audi, and she asks him where he's going."Go to my house, I probably forgot to turn off the TV when I went out," he said. He found a good excuse, and she was willing to accept the deception of this excuse.He told her "come to my house" three times, but she refused.She knew it was dangerous territory, a wolves-infested meadow for her lonely goat—perhaps full of giraffes, forget-me-nots, gypsophila, sunflowers, and orchids. Flowers and other beautiful herbs, but very dangerous.In some occasions, she always sees herself as a helpless and proud female goat. She has been wondering how she can see herself like this, maybe because her birth date is a sheep.She doesn't want to think about the past today, nor does she want to think about the future.He sat next to her, and she was intoxicated by the fishy smell that was as good as the sea breeze, and she was excited because she suddenly imagined him as a beautiful dolphin an hour ago.She should have imagined him as an ordinary wolf with nothing to be proud of, who happened upon her, the goat, and carried her away in a city of two million people bent on creating pollution. .But in her subconscious mind, she didn't want to imagine him that way, she would rather see him as a beautiful dolphin that she could accept.she laughed.He said, "What are you laughing at?" She said, "No laughing." She drove the car to the building where he lived, and she got out of the car with him.This is a seven-story house, the corridors are dark, there are no street lights, and there are only abandoned stoves and cardboard boxes.He was leading the way, holding a lighter in his hand, and a ball of yellow flame was burning on the lighter, and the light of that ball of yellow fire was colliding with the darkness.She followed him, thinking that if the lights were installed, she would not have to concentrate so much to go upstairs.He lived on the sixth floor, he opened the door and turned on the lights.This is the kind of old house with one bedroom, one living room, one kitchen and one toilet. The house is not decorated. The lamp in the living room is still the kind of lamp with a single wire hanging down. There are only fifteen light bulbs on the lamp holder. It’s not white anymore, it’s a grayish yellow, and there are pencil graffiti—it’s probably done by his daughter; a square table with a 21-inch color TV on it, and the TV is not what he said I forgot to turn it off, but the TV cover was not covered, and it was thrown on the table; a long sofa, the brown artificial leather leather was rotted somewhere, and yellow tape was pasted, and an old-fashioned coffee table was placed on the sofa In front of him, there was a glass ashtray and a Qinglong porcelain cup on the coffee table.That's what she glanced at when she walked in.The floor is very clean, the floor has been painted with pig liver color, but the paint has peeled off in some places, revealing the true color of cement.He said, "Oops, the TV was off. I forgot." She smiled and was not angry at his excuse. If she had any concerns, she would not have come upstairs. "I don't do anything at home." He explained, "I'm lazy. Living in a house with one bedroom and one living room is boring." She was wearing an earth-colored dress, one of those cotton dresses that, though comfortable, were plain in style.She didn't plan to meet him today. If she had known this, she should have been more careful.There was no mirror in the living room, and she wanted to see her own face.She hopes that what she will maintain this time is a good face.She wished she was twenty-two years old, the same as when she was just in college, with long braids, because she was young.Looks good in anything.The living room was very hot, a kind of stuffy heat, even though it was the sixth floor and it was night, there was no wind.Summer in Changsha is like this, the temperature always stays at 389 degrees, even at night, the temperature will not drop."It's hot," she said. "There is air conditioning in the bedroom." He said with a look at her. He walked to the bedroom door, took off his shoes, and walked in.The bedroom is covered with a green carpet, and a few large old-fashioned furniture cabinets, bookcases, desks and a large Simmons bed painted in national paint fill the bedroom space.The air conditioner is installed on the window.He walked over and turned on the air conditioner, and the sound of a humming compressor rumbled endlessly in the bedroom.He moved the blankets on the bed, where there were still a few books.He said: "Come in, stand in front of the air conditioner and blow it first, it's so hot." She took off her shoes according to his appearance and walked in.He asked her to stand in front of the air conditioner, and he let most of the cool wind blow her first.This is a Chunlan air conditioner.She smelled a smoke in the room.He explained: "Look, I'm a bachelor and I don't bother to do anything. I just bought this air conditioner this summer." She was caressed by the cool wind, and the feeling of sweating was over.He said: "Close the door, and within ten minutes, the room will be very cool." He walked over to close the door, and when he came back, the smile on his face was a bit artificial, it was the kind of smile squeezed out by suppressing the heartbeat , This kind of smile releases electric waves, a kind of electric waves that make her face hot. There is a mirror on the big cabinet, which is mounted on the middle door of the big cabinet. Now the mirror is facing her, and she can see her sitting posture, her hair is a bit messy, and her face is a bit haggard.She glanced at him and said, "Do you have a comb?" There was nothing on the table, not even a pen holder, an ink bottle, etc. The table was clean. He took out a small comb with the Dahua Hotel font printed on it from the drawer of the table, and handed it to her.She combed her hair in front of the mirror.He looked at her in the mirror, and he said, "You are very beautiful, I won't lie to you." She found his gaze in the mirror, his gaze was like the gaze of the man sitting in Fort Tucker just now, this gaze covered with salivation, full of wolf. From his gaze, she seemed to see that she had become a fat goat, and she hated seeing herself like this.She wished her alertness would melt, like ice.His hand fell on her shoulder and squeezed it very carefully.Then his hand stroked the back of her neck, moved from the back of the neck to the left side of the face, and then began to kiss her, holding her tightly with both hands.Her heart began to get excited, and she felt many butterflies flying in her mind, flying towards an island covered with roses.She saw a lonely woman walking hurriedly on a tightrope—a narrow path leading to the river of love, which only those who are full of love can pass through, and those who do not fall in fear.She felt the snow on the top of the mountain began to melt, and the sun had penetrated deep into her heart. "I love you very much," he said.He unzipped her waist and pulled her dress from the bottom up.It was the first time that her body was shown in the eyes of another man other than her husband, in the mirror of the big cabinet. She felt ashamed, and this was also the first time."I was so scared, I didn't even know what I was doing," she said. "You know," he said, "this is us falling in love." He put her on the bed, and she closed her eyes and began to experience love.She smelled a very nice fishy smell, like a bee smells a flower.She felt that she was a female cat in Huaichun, and she wanted to eat fish, but in turn she felt that she was a beautiful carp, being eaten alive by him... Yuelu Mountain is a scenic spot in Changsha City. All kinds of trees are covered, and these trees suck the carbon dioxide in the air that is poisonous to humans into the trees, and then spit out the oxygen, purifying the air and purifying the polluted environment that makes city people constantly become cancer patients.This is the power of the forest.The forest is always beautiful, its beauty is that it is always spending, it gives all of it to humans, that is why humans feel it is beautiful.All beautiful things are the perception of human emotions, because there are people, woods, flowers and plants can reflect their divinity, and only then can people appreciate, love, protect and appreciate the creation of nature.Just think if there are no trees in this world, can you accept this world?Time is given by humans, without humans, the world is static.What can you achieve without love?Love makes life meaningful, love makes people gain something, and of course it means something lost.This is the love that everyone faces.Someone said "I don't regret" to his lover, in fact he has already regretted it!If he doesn't have the consciousness of "I don't regret it", he doesn't need to say such nonsense. It is precisely because he has the consciousness of "regret" that he can say "I don't regret it" to emphasize that what he has done is worth it.This involves deception, and of course responsibility. Once you accept the other party's love, you have the responsibility to defend your love and give your feelings for your love.So there will be deception in it, because there will be deception when there is responsibility.When Deng Ying appeared in Dali's eyes as a lover, he thought she was cuter than trees and flowers.But when she wanted to get rid of her husband and live with him, he could only present difficulties. "Will your husband agree?" He asked not out of concern for the outcome, but out of barriers.