Chapter 14 missing girl

In 1974, a 20-year-old female who jumped into the queue in T area, S province Trapped on Mount Tai by the heavy rain--A girl suddenly kneeled in front of me--She put her fate in my hands--One person and one "cigarette roll"--There was a distance of two or three feet between her and him when walking--Beijing The Xizhimen straw beating factory does not have this Xinjiang salesman at all--a painting that is useless and self-consoling Let me start by saying, I have to give your work a little "breakthrough".What I'm going to tell is not my story, it's someone else's.But this is my own experience.Let's not just say that this is my experience.In fact, during the "Cultural Revolution", I really suffered a lot and suffered a lot. Once I almost went crazy.It's not because I'm afraid that I can't bear it, so I don't say it. In my heart, I often encounter other people's sufferings more clearly than I remember myself.Especially this one.This person—I think no matter how capable you are, China is so big and has a billion people, you may not be able to find her.I've searched hard, but I can't find it... I said it's okay, okay, that's fine, I said.

In 1974, I was teaching painting in an arts and crafts school.In the spring of that year, it was quite cold, so I went out to teach the students a sketching class.I and some other teachers are in charge.The teacher taught flowers, and I taught landscapes.He took the students to Heze, the hometown of peonies, in Shandong.Spring peonies are blooming.He took the students there first, and then went to Mount Tai after painting peonies, and I continued to teach landscape sketching.After they left, I went up to Mount Tai and waited for them by myself.I live in a small hotel in Zhongtianmen. The scenery is of course very good. The top is steep and the bottom is deep. To the west, you can go around the front of the mountain and the back of the mountain. Unfortunately, it caught up with the rain. Gone.I had no choice but to close the window and draw rain scenes every day, while waiting for the students, but I couldn't wait.I heard that it rains more in Heze.It stands to reason that Peony was beaten by the rain and was completely defeated, so why didn't they come.Did you go back?There is no telephone on the mountain, and it takes many days to write a letter back and forth, and I have to entrust the mountain worker to deliver the letter, and then send it up when there is a reply, it may not be accurate.I figured I was stuck on a mountain.After a few days, not only did the rain not stop, it became heavier and heavier, but Jinger came out.The mountains are full of spring water, and there are also waterfalls, which are rarely seen in spring. Let’s not talk about this beautiful thing, because the story itself is quite miserable.

I was stuck on the mountain for ten whole days.On the eleventh day, the clouds opened, and when I saw the blue sky, I hurried down the mountain.If you don't leave quickly, another heavy rain will be enough.I don't have much money left on me, so I must leave quickly.When I got to the bottom of the mountain, the sky was completely clear.I went to Tai'an station to buy a ticket; the bus was at three o'clock in the afternoon.Grab something casual and find a sunny spot outside the station to rest.It rained for days and the waiting room was cloudy and damp, so I couldn't stay there.I found the heel of a large wall, moved a stone and sat down, the sun was very comfortable.There were a few people waiting for the bus squatting beside them, some wrapped up in cotton coats for a nap, and some played poker.I don't know which train to wait for.There was also an old man selling cigarettes who set up a small stall, which was very quiet.Spring is clean and there are no flies to mess with you.When you look up, you are facing Mount Tai. It is ups and downs, quite imposing, like the waves of the earth.It's okay to be idle, I just want to set up the board and draw a picture.I just felt a person walking towards me.

Subconsciously, she picked up her head and saw that it was a girl, dressed in tatters and her hair was messy. The hair on her forehead covered the upper half of her face so she couldn't see it, not to mention that she had her head down.She walked up to me and seemed to be heading straight for me. Before I could figure out what was going on, she knelt down for me with a "plop".I'm stunned, do you think I can't be stunned?Why did she kneel down to me.I said, "You, what's going on with you." She knelt there without speaking or moving.The man next to him with a big padded jacket looked like a demobilized soldier, and the poker players and cigarette sellers were all stunned and surrounded him.I said, "Girl, do you have any difficulties? Do you?" After saying this, the girl still didn't lift her head, but tears started to fall.Raindrops fell on the ground like rain, and soon "cracked" full of tears, one by one.But she didn't cry, she seemed to be holding back her throat and making a gurgling sound.I couldn't stand this scene, so I hurriedly said: "Girl, what's the matter with you, do you have no money, I can give it to you, I have bought all the tickets, and I can give you all the remaining money, what, Talk to me, I can help you if you need anything." The demobilized soldier next to him opened his mouth and said, "This girl is asking you something, please don't just cry, I can help you if you have difficulties. Your The difficulties may not necessarily be our difficulties, can you sue us quickly? Don’t you believe that we can solve the problem for you?” Hearing the accent of the demobilized soldier and the tone of his speech, he knew that he was from Shandong. Shared in the energy of loyalty, the energy of Liangshan heroes makes people feel hot when they hear it.The other people also comforted her and told her to speak quickly.The girl raised her face, her pretty face was full of tears, as if it had been splashed by torrential rain.There was no blood on his face, and the circles around his eyes were dark. It looked like he had endured enough, and he looked like he was suffering.

she said.It's very simple.Every word is like a gun shot in my heart. She said she was from Jinan.He was born in a bad family, but he lost his father when he was young.Mother widowed with her.But all were implicated by his father.The mother was too straightforward, and she defended her dead father with a few words, and was confused.No relatives and friends at home dare touch her, so she lives on her own.She has no income and lives off what the seller sells.A home called her is almost sold out.She didn't know the price and was deceived a lot.I signed up until I went to the mountains and went to the countryside, and was assigned to the mountainous area of ​​Tai'an.Later, my mother died in prison, and she was not allowed to go back to see her.After the unit handles the matter, it will issue a notice and it will be over.Although she was not connected to her family emotionally, she was tied to her family politically.she says:

"The local people and those who went to the countryside all bullied me. The brigade regarded me as a fourth-class member. I have chronic pyelonephritis, and I can't stand up when I get sick. The brigade doesn't assign me light work. I can do it in the countryside Life is better. I often have nothing to eat. I can’t borrow food from others, and I can’t pay it back. I really can’t live, so I ran out. When I first ran out, I felt free. But I ran Only then did I realize that I had no place to go. Go back to Jinan, no one will accept me. If I go back to the countryside, the brigade will definitely not let me go, at least beat a "revolutionary deserter". I met a person. He is a salesman from Xinjiang. He said he is from Beijing, and his parents are still in Beijing. This person is in his thirties. He said he came to Xinjiang from the branch of Beijing and did not marry a wife. He saw I am pitiful and said that he can take me to Xinjiang, but he must marry him. He will return to Xinjiang today. If I agree, he will take me there. If I don’t agree, he will leave by himself. I have no idea, please give me I call the shots and say what should I do?"

I was completely dumbfounded.How could it be possible for a girl to casually entrust a stranger with the decisions of her life.But at that time, that was the case.Thinking about it carefully, she has no relatives, no reason, no way to come and no way to go, and she has nowhere to go.She has no social experience, who can she consult with?She must have chosen me to make decisions for her because I looked like a smart and educated person.This made me very difficult.This is a choice about whether she will be happy in her life.A word from me may push her to a life-saving path, or to a dead-end path.I always thought I had an idea.When my friends encountered difficulties, they all liked to listen to my analysis and judgment, but for the first time, I felt incompetent.I turned my head to look at the demobilized soldier, intending to ask him for help, but his eyes were looking at me, which were also a pair of question marks.His chivalrous energy seems to be useless.I can't stop talking.But she puts her fate in my hands.This weight is too heavy.

I couldn't make up my mind and couldn't speak for a long time.The girl stared at me blankly.As if it was up to me.As if no matter what I said she would do.Think about it again, what would she do if the salesman in Xinjiang left.She lived a day, she had to have a place to sleep, and she had to eat three meals a day.Now there is no place to go to ask for food, and class struggle is going on everywhere. If you don’t know your details, who would dare to give you food?In front of her was her future and destiny, but also a very real issue. When I was in a hurry, inspiration came.He said to her, "Call the salesman from Xinjiang, can we talk to him after seeing him?"

The demobilized soldiers gave me a look, as if they praised my approach.The girl's face seemed to light up when she heard this, she immediately nodded in agreement and went.I, the demobilized soldiers, and the poker players squatted together, waiting for the Xinjiang salesman to come.We agreed that if he came, let's question him carefully, you're welcome.Don't call this Shi Niang ruined for no apparent reason. After a while, the girl brought a man.This person is about the same height as that girl, with short legs and a little circle. He wears a big blue cotton padded jacket and carries a black artificial leather handbag. His skin is thick and dark due to the wind and sun. Shrewd, he looks like a salesman at first glance, that's right.He said he was in his thirties, but I think he was at least forty-two or three.Before we stood up, he squatted across the street, took out a box of "Moju brand" cigarettes in his jacket pocket, quickly took out one for me, took out a few more, and threw them over one by one. It's called "cigarette roll".We just wanted to decline, and he grinned and said, "There is no separation between tobacco and alcohol." Based on my observation, there is no doubt that he is a salesman.Before I take a closer look at him.His eyes swept back and forth twice over each of us, but each glance seemed to see through us.I thought this man was too shrewd, so I was a little worried, so I asked, "Where are you from Xinjiang?" As soon as I said it, he immediately took out a letter of proof from his pocket, opened it, and flicked it off with his fingers. Give me the cigarette powder in it, and take out a red plastic work card for me.I saw that he was indeed from Urumqi, Xinjiang, and worked for a unit called "Hongwei Printing Factory". The letter of proof said that he was here to buy a disc printing machine.There is also his photo on the work card, covered with a steel seal.The photo is him himself, not only without any flaws, but also reassuring.The few of us passed around his work permit and certification letter. Now not only did we not have any doubts, but we also had nothing to say. It was a bit silly.He said:

"We don't know each other. You can believe my words or not. But I have to say that I don't know this girl either. I believe everything she says. I don't insist on taking her away. I'm waiting here Car, I saw her sitting next to her crying, crying pitifully. I thought she was short of money and I wanted to help her, but when she said it, she ran out of anger in the production team. Human hearts are full of flesh, right? I I sympathize with her. My family lives in Beijing, No. 117, Xizhimen Caoda Factory. My parents and a sister still live there. I went to Xinjiang ten years ago. I used to be a lathe worker. You can run and run, ask me to come out to do business and purchase, I have suffered a lot. I have never been married. You don’t know that place in Xinjiang, most of the women in the mainland are brought by men, and single women don’t want to marry locals. Marry to the inland, so I can go back to the inland. The local women are used to not coming here. I can’t find a wife in the inland. Everyone knows that marrying me is equivalent to exile. Those who have problems will not. I have never been married. But don’t think that I have to have a wife. A bachelor has the freedom of a bachelor, each has his own happiness, and I am used to living alone. If I hadn’t met this girl, I would have never I didn't plan to get married. At that time, I thought she was very pitiful. She had no relatives and no reason, so I had an idea to take her back. But I can't take a girl back with no relatives and no reason. What kind of thing is it? I said it is my sister? People will say, your sister in your life, why has she never filled out the form before, right? Hukou, and secondly, no food, so I can’t live anywhere. I’m okay. I’ve been doing business for many years, and I’m familiar with the ground. Besides, it’s not as strict as here. It’s not a problem to get a hukou and get rations. Don’t worry if I want you, I’m 36 or 7 this year, and she said she’s only 20, which is not a small difference. I’m such an adult, I won’t bully this little girl. I’m so kind Treating her, she won't let me down in the future. Right! She said she had to find someone to ask, so she found you. You guys, see if this matter is suitable, if it is suitable, we will leave. Anyway, in half a year The hourly train is here. If it’s not suitable, I’ll leave. Anyway, I’m worthy of my conscience. As I said just now, I either have to get married, or I sympathize with her. To be honest, I also think that this girl is an honest person .Marrying her is considered a blessing. I spoke out all the words in my heart in one breath. Can you tell me that since she trusts you guys, I trust you guys too. I have nothing to say, so tell me!"

The demobilized soldiers and those few all looked at me. When I said something, they probably had nothing to say after hearing these reasonable words.What am I talking about?I read and read the work permit and the certification letter over and over again, and the more I read, the more I spoke.Of course, from the image point of view, they are definitely not a pair, and they are completely out of tune.A well-mannered girl with no social experience, and a seasoned and even slippery salesman.Almost a generation behind.But if I say it's inappropriate and the man leaves, what should the girl do?We will go our separate ways after a while, she has no food, no drink and no place to live, so staying here is not as good as a kitten.Could any of us bring her back?Let’s not talk about eating and drinking, everyone’s house is one room and half a kang, where they live, and what about their household registration.Doesn't having a registered permanent residence mean harboring black people?I really had no choice but to ask the girl: "What do you think?" She kept her head down and said nothing.I thought, yes, she came to me, didn't she just ask me to make up my mind?I had no choice but to say to the salesman: "If she really wants to, if she really follows you, you have to love her no matter what. Think about it, she is a girl who has no father or mother to join her relatives, so she will go all the way with you, thousands of miles at once. If you... if you feel sorry for her, who will she turn to?" The salesman immediately stopped me with a hand and said, "Don't say that. You said you sympathized with her, but I sympathized with her even more. Your sympathy for her is just a lip service. I have to take her back and take care of her. How about you Take her away, if you can take her away, I admire you. How about it, can’t you. I’m not quarreling with you, but you don’t take our kindness for anything else. Think about it, I’ll buy her a How much does it cost for a train ticket to go back? She can’t work immediately when she arrives at our place. I think she can only do housework with her body. I have to take care of her food and clothing. Who hurts? I took her back, bullied her, pissed her off all day, did I hold on? I lived a life of being a bachelor, but, looking for trouble? Let’s talk a little bit further, I’m almost forty , and also pointed out that she will have children and live together for the rest of her life. Especially in such a faraway place, only the warmth of kiss is yours, you are right." His eyeballs glistened as he spoke, as if angry.I silenced him.Not only was there no words, there was not a single word.The demobilized soldier next to him took the conversation and said to the salesman: "Sigh, I said, it's for your own good that this comrade persuaded you. Although Shi Niang and you belong to you, haven't you two made an agreement yet? We don't know her, and we don't know you, why bother?" This matter is for the pity of this Shi Niang. If you understand people, you will understand that our words are not only for this Shi Niang's good, but also for your own good. Right!" The salesman nodded reluctantly, and he was still a little angry, as if we had wronged a good man.The people next to me also persuaded me, and the salesman stood up and said, "Then I thank you guys. What do you think about this?" He looked at me. I asked the girl, "Do you think it's okay?" The maiden kept her head down.After listening to my words, he nodded slightly.He stood still in a daze, as if he didn't know what to do. The clerk said to her: "If it's decided, we have to go, and we have to make up for a ticket. I'm afraid we won't have a ticket if it's too late." The girl still didn't raise her head, and said to me: "I will always remember you." She turned and followed the salesman.This sentence can tear my heart a bit.I suddenly had an idea, took a pen and wrote a few words on the paper, stopped her, ran up and said: "This is my address and name, if you need my help, write to me." She took the note and said Cry, cry and leave.I have been standing and watching them go away.The girl kept a distance of two or three feet from the salesman, and the empty space in the middle was the station in the distance.Two people whose temperaments have been completely unrelated in all aspects, just came together like this.She kept this distance from him and didn't want to get close to him. Maybe it was out of a young girl's self-esteem, or out of some other psychology, I couldn't figure it out.I looked at it, feeling uncomfortable. After the incident, I have not heard from this girl. I think she must have lived or survived in a remote frontier.Maybe they are running the house, maybe they have children.I hope that unattractive salesman has a good heart and can give her a little warmth in this difficult world.For some reason, when this girl's figure flashed in front of my eyes by chance, I always felt a little worried, a little uneasy, as if I still felt a little guilty. In the autumn of 1975, I went to Beijing for a business trip.I suddenly thought of that girl, and wanted to know her situation very much. I thought that the address of the Xinjiang salesman's home in Beijing was No. 117, Xizhimen Nei Cao Da Factory.I went and found the grass threshing factory. It was very strange that there was no number l17 there. I thought I remembered it wrong.Looking for No. 17 and No. 77, both are wrong.I went to the neighborhood committee and asked an old woman representing the street. She said that there had never been such a family here, and no one had gone to the branch of Xinjiang. There was no such person at all. Why are you looking for this person? He even asked me for a work permit.At that time, class struggle was everywhere, and it seemed that there were class enemies everywhere.If I keep chasing her, she will take me to the police station.I had to deal with it. It was only after I walked out of the straw beating factory that I realized that I had been deceived by the so-called Xinjiang salesman, and that girl had also been deceived.I was totally dumbfounded.A year has passed, and the girl may be betrayed, may suffer a more tragic fate, and may even die.I deeply regretted it. If I had stopped her at the beginning, even if the girl was forced to return to the production team, she would not have fallen into this situation.It's all because of me!When others put their fate in their own hands, I easily dealt with it. After all, this is not a person asking for directions, but I thought, what should I do if I didn't do that at the time.Then I felt that this was an excuse for myself.I am inhuman, not enough for a man.At this time, I will punch myself in the chest a few times. I don't want to go on... I just want to know where this girl is now? I once drew a picture, from the mud to the sunshine in the distance.This picture was drawn by me for this girl.I hope one day I can give this painting to her.Of course, this is also used to comfort myself. ***At that time, the fate of one person was often the fate of thousands of people. ***