Chapter 43 The Contest of Two Wills Part 2 (4)

1. Uncover the mask of self-deception by yourself while deceiving yourself to the end From beginning to end, Fa is urging K to unmask his self-deception.Time and time again, K carried out the orders of the law; it is just that there is a mask under the mask, even infinity, and the entity can never be seen; people can only imagine, and can only feel it in the process of uncovering it. The final execution finally comes, but K is not dead and still thinking, so he still has to delude himself to the end.He sat at home and waited for the two executioners to come in.After they came, he felt that he should not be waiting for such two people (maybe he made a mistake? Maybe he is not dying yet?).Even so, he finally decided that they were sent by the law.However, they were still not reconciled, and asked them what kind of play they were acting in (since I had never seen a real death, I hope this time it will be acting like before).The unambiguous-looking executioner clamped him tightly, dispelling his illusions with crisp movements. K is finally convinced, but still has to struggle, struggling like a fly on flypaper, living in this self-deceiving way until the last moment.At this time, the death-like Miss Bistner appeared. K remembered all the crimes he had committed, so he stopped struggling and walked towards his destination.He finally realized that his life was a mistake, and ending his life was the inevitable result of this rational understanding.The desire to grasp the world with twenty hands is shameful and deserves the final punishment. This is K's last rational realization.Only then did he realize that his previous understanding was all self-deception.But is this really the last acquaintance?Has he shed all masks and joined death?His physical body was indicating the opposite.The executioners couldn't tame this rebellious body; no matter how they manipulated him, they couldn't put it down; no matter how the executioner swiped the butcher knife in front of him, he couldn't make him commit suicide.At this time, light and figures appeared in the distance, which was the last hope in the eyes of the dying man. He instinctively raised his hands to the sky, trying to grasp the eternal hope; at the same time, the executioner's butcher's knife pierced his body In his heart, at the moment when the butcher's knife was turned, his rationality also made a final understanding of himself-it's a pity that no one can judge whether that understanding is the truth.

It can be seen from the execution process that sober knowledge is always leveled by deception.The process of cognition is endless. As long as one is still thinking, one will resist logic. K is a person whose life is reflected in his thoughts, so he kept calm and rational until the end, and also maintained a way of thinking of self-deception; he carried out this kind of struggle inside the soul until the moment he met death, for Humanity sets a shining example of spiritual life.People can't tell what the real death is, but they can talk about their experience of that kind of thing from the perspective of the living, and they can talk about it continuously, in the final analysis.People can do this also because they have an innate advantage - the instinct to deceive themselves.And death itself, where else can it exist except in this kind of non-stop "talking"?The final truth is "spoken" by K, and he has been saying it before that, and he has exhausted his heart and soul for speaking.

2. Why did K follow Miss Bistner The presence of Miss Bistner at the hour of death not only reminded him of his sin, but also dispelled his desire to live on.At this time, K can be said to have mixed feelings, or it can be said that his mind is empty.This special woman had left him with so many shameful memories, how could he forget it?But what are those memories, at such a moment?It's just a game.Miss Bistner's double identity as a beauty and a god of death attracted K in front, and K followed her for a while involuntarily.This kind of following has two meanings: one is to follow her, while there is still a little time to confess to her in my heart, so that I can remove the burden on my conscience before death; the other is to be led by her to death, because her existence reminds me It is impossible to follow K to recover, and there is no point in hesitating.Such following is self-deception, and it is also the exposure of self-deception.After following for a while, the will to die finally got the upper hand, and K voluntarily gave up on her, and walked on alone bearing his sins.At this time, he already understood that his Qian Hai was meaningless, and any kind of confession was meaningless; he was overwhelmed by the general sense of sin.And he doesn't want to save it anymore, and he doesn't need her to remind himself.To be alone with Miss Büstner and to be alone with the two robot executioners gave him a taste of true solitude, that is, of being alone.Any excuse, any discussion, any protest, will be lost in that great truth.In this world, he is truly a human being; at the same time, he is all human beings.It was too late to remedy, but everything was finally done.

3. The Executioner's Subtle Attitude The executioner is the embodiment of the consciousness of death.Death awareness is not the same as real death; it always pays attention to form, and this kind of attention makes K, who is disillusioned, both disgusted and impatient. It did not occur to K that the formalist was actually himself.Since he was going to die, why did he have to pick and choose the executioner, why did he protest, why didn't he act like a baby and continue to move forward?It can be seen that people are acting until they die, so they can't get rid of their bad roots until they die.Just because "death" is a form of your body, not others. Then act the play to the end, as long as you know it in your heart. Otherwise, what else can you do? So K continued to act. He followed Miss Bi to recall his crimes; Fearing that the police would pay attention to them, he grabbed the two executioners and ran away; until finally, when the ghostly figure appeared, he raised his hands in the air and asked a series of questions. He really maintained his calm and dignity. Human beings , can only be like this, both ridiculous and great. The executioners understand all this, and their thoughtfulness implies motivation, silently assisting K.

In the process of execution, the attitude of the executioners changes very subtly, and there seems to be no definite rule, but swings back and forth between two extremes.At the beginning, the two men were very firm, not allowing K to make any excuses, holding him tightly, and not allowing him to struggle.But then K stopped, and the two of them stopped too, still refusing to let go of him, but they became obedient to his will again; when they were about to stop, they stopped, and when K wanted to go, they went, every little detail of K Actions are echoed by them.Since K has been hesitating (hesitating as long as he doesn't die), they also appear to be hesitating.They have been mindful that as long as there is a desire to choose, they let him make his own choice; K is a prisoner and a free man under their duress, and this is also the effect pursued by their work. K. finally gave up his resistance, and the executioners played with him, trying to make him tame; they also passed the butcher's knife around his head, trying to provoke him to do it himself.But K was still neither tame nor able to end his own life, he was still fantasizing about his death; the executioners finally raised their butcher knives.

From the above process, it can be seen that what the executioner executed was the will of law, and the will of law happened to come from the black hole in K's heart.This kind of will is still relatively obscure in this work, until the next novel is produced, it gradually becomes clear, and the structure becomes more complicated. 4. The poet's hesitation The poet who swings between the two poles is always hesitating whether to live or not.It seems that breaking out is not to dispel hesitation, but to fall into a deeper and more deadly hesitation.Life thus becomes the sweetest torture, and thought a blissful torment.The double will turned him into the most unfortunate person in the world, but it can also be deduced that the kind of happiness he obtained is not something ordinary people can enjoy.All this is due to the tension of his superhuman soul, which has enabled him to reach a spiritual height that no one has ever surpassed.

June 20, 1998, Yingcai Garden