Chapter 37 A contest of two wills (4)

A special confession In this chapter, the introspection deepens again and becomes a real self-torture.K, who fell into the French Open, turned into a weirdo who was looking for trouble for nothing, who had trouble with himself all day long, who only got into dead ends, and even trampled on himself.His personal life then disappeared, and all his activities revolved around the Fa, and all he saw when he opened his eyes were clues related to the Fa.All this made him unable to sit or stand, acting surreptitiously and madly.In such a mental state, the suppressed desire will naturally find a breakthrough.He approached Miss Bistner and used Miss Bi as his opponent to carry out his self-revolution.Why must there be an opponent?Because K is a concrete and living person, his desire is not abstract, nor is his own regulation abstract, but the sum of various relationships.Even if it falls into the French Open, this still cannot be changed.So naturally, a life infiltrated by the Dharma is still life, full of daily stress, otherwise how can a person live? Thus began K's gossip.His gentlemanly demeanor was completely destroyed by himself; he lost his shame by unscrupulous means, and did not care about his own reputation, and sometimes became extremely vicious.In short he was a completely changed man.He himself did not know that this was the result of his pursuit of the Fa.He only knew that he was forced by an invisible force, and he could only obey that force, although he also had hesitation and regret.Anxiety, confusion, pain, annoyance, and small temporary joys of victory constitute the basic tone of this event.

From the contest between the two wills, it can be seen that no matter how consciously the pursuit is, it is still blind and cannot do without the premise of self-deception.Because of this, K's emotions in the pursuit are extraordinarily real.He just did it, not knowing why he did it.It can be said that he was a coincidence, but it seems that it is not entirely a coincidence.Desire gave orders in his heart, forcing him to make a fool of himself again and again, forcing him to be the laughing stock of Miss Bi's girlfriend and the captain, so that he would be ashamed of it for a long time in the future.

The essence of pestering Miss Bi is that he wants to repent to her. The crimes he committed against her are serious, and there will be no peace for a day without repentance.Of course, this kind of understanding only stayed in K's subconscious mind.All he knew was that he was looking for her, he had to look for her, and he couldn't figure out why he was looking for her; maybe if he did find her, the last scandal would happen again instead of confession.But the object of the confession cannot appear because it has a relationship with the Fa; K's confession thus becomes a confession without an object.This kind of confession is so different from religious confession. It does not first commit a crime and then repent, but makes the criminal realize the sin when he commits further crimes. K.'s humiliation takes this self-torture, without the grotesque form of a priest.Maybe Miss Bi's girlfriend is the acting priest, and maybe the captain is also added.It's just that the function of the acting priest here is not to listen, not to comfort and appease, but to stir up the flames of war and make the war within K even more intense. K. did not recognize the real features of these two people, just as he did not recognize his own essence; To put an end to this special confession that Fa had designed for him.When K slipped back into the room, Miss Bi, who could not show up, also completed the task.

Since law is inseparable from sin, it will inevitably involve the issue of repentance.This question was concealed throughout the entire trial process, and K never made a clear conclusion about his crime rationally.The crux of the problem is that as a secular person, he is not aware of this sin, so everything can only happen in the subconscious, in that unknown desire.Miss Bi's girlfriend and the captain are the media that make this vague desire come true.They are characters that K is extremely disgusted with rationally, and they are also messengers of the law; their humorous performance is to promote the desire in K's body, let the desire break through the hypocritical external restrictions, and truly realize the confession that touches the soul.For a person with a special personality like K, ordinary confession is obviously not enough, he needs strong stimulation; only through actions to make the split of the self to the extreme is his real pursuit.Knowing K's nature well, Fa came up with this form of confession. On the surface, it seems that it has nothing to do with confession. In fact, its depth, intensity, and directness may exceed that of ordinary confession, and it is more irrational because of its nature. Unforgettable.Such a confession is decisive for the change in an individual's life, because it forges a way of life in itself, a never-quiet, provocative way.In this way, man is the slave of the law and the master of his own soul.Confession in every crime, instead of bringing peace of mind, intensifies the confrontation.A man driven by inexplicable exasperation must at once find a new opponent, a new event, in order to re-enact the old drama with a new content.Thinking back carefully, this kind of hidden confession has been going on since the day the law invaded K's life, and everyone around K was his priest. K.'s confrontation with Miss Bistner in her room was also a confession, only to a lesser degree, and K was more ignorant, so that he could fall asleep immediately afterwards.After that time, the sense of crime has been lurking in his heart, and his conscience is not at peace, so he took this H-time act like breaking the boat.This time, of course, it was difficult for K to fall asleep immediately after the incident. His soul was truly touched.The subtlety is that these special priests appear before K only when K is not aware of his crimes against them; once K is conscious, they do not appear.So Miss Bi did not appear, but two agents appeared in front of K.

Second, the girlfriend's strategy The strategy of this girlfriend of Miss Bisterner was very clever. K fell into deep distress because he couldn't find someone to confess to.How he wanted to be free.At this time, the girlfriend, Miss Montag, appeared.She came to dispel K's illusions on behalf of Fa, telling him that the object of his confession would never appear again, and telling him that hope itself is an ugly thing that requires reflection.The reason why Miss Montag put on this vicious face to humiliate K is not to drive K away, she is hiding a covert strategy.She expressed to K with words and actions: the confession of a priest is not enough for thorough repentance; only torturing and humiliating himself with actions is the confession required by the law.Miss Montag alienates K on the surface, deliberately neglects him, and leads him secretly, so that K is voluntarily deceived, and after being deceived, he falls into a long-term self-blame, and Fa's repentant spirit is also carried forward.During the incident, K always had the feeling of missing opportunities, and this feeling also came from self-deception.Perhaps Miss Montag hadn't intended to deceive him, she had merely created some inducement, and K had taken the initiative.So K entered into the cycle of self-deception—soberness—and self-deception again. Self-deception is for committing crimes, and sobriety is for realizing sins.

When K told Miss Montag that Miss Bee had rejected him, Miss Montag gave K a long lecture.This sermon should be understood as: Ms. Bi, who represents the law, will not reject him categorically. The expression "rejection" is too serious; although she does not reject him, she does not approve of him. She just sent her, Ms. Meng, to negotiate with him. , everything depends on the outcome of the negotiations.Of course K didn't understand this kind of cryptic meaning, and K didn't have to understand it either, as long as he took some action.It can be seen that the core of this preaching is action, which is to show that empty talk is meaningless.How can K act?Only to force him to the Liangshan Mountain.Miss Meng's scheme soon succeeded. K was ashamed and annoyed, broke into Miss Bi's room in order to get revenge, committed further crimes, and then went further into embarrassment. K's behavior was in line with what Ms. Meng said earlier, that is, Fa could neither agree to his request casually nor refuse easily.The implication of this sentence provides K with an infinite way out, there will never be such a clear answer as "yes" or "no", the answer lies in K's stomach. K regards Miss Meng's preaching as a double-edged sword, a sword that will kill him, this view is only half right.Because the relationship between K and Miss Bi is indeed important, and the matter of K's appointment with Miss Bi is indeed an important event that must be taken seriously. Since K started and started a battle, he must fight to the end.Miss Meng came to contact K in order to complete the mission of the law—to force him to live.Ms. Meng didn't show any tricks, and she didn't exaggerate anything; it was K herself who made the mistake, and this kind of mistake can't be changed-because she has to live.The law is always ambiguous, and K's rational understanding can only be paranoid at one end.Therefore, the mastery of Miss Meng's strategy comes from the mastery of the law.The law encourages people to deceive themselves, and it also encourages people to expose their self-deception.Within the scope of the Fa, there are no simple problems. As long as people start to experience, they will start to be emotionally entangled;It can be seen that it is absolutely necessary for Ms. Meng to use a long speech to explain a "simple" problem.Only K, masked by self-deception, would regard such questions as simple questions, questions that can be explained in a few sentences.

In this chapter K's self-examination obviously adds the factor of self-abuse.Self-abuse makes the atmosphere extremely strong, the initiative of ugliness is more fully mobilized, and the devilish appreciation ability is revealed later in the article.