Chapter 4 Chapter Four

Unexpectedly, when applying for a passport, the Public Security Bureau will ask for an appraisal from the leader of the unit.So Dai Er went to ask the college leader for a personal testimonial.After the appraisal was completed, it was sealed in an envelope and handed over to Dai Er.That day, when she went to the office of the personnel department, the director was fat and white, with a big and round head, gray beard puffed around his lips, like a big fat cat.When Miss Dai Er entered the room, he stretched out his big hand and held it loosely. He didn't stand up, showing the posture of an old senior.Dai Er instinctively wanted to sneer, raised one corner of her mouth slightly, and half-closed her eyes, both charming and contemptuous.This kind of sneer has always been Miss Dai's most powerful weapon against those who put on airs and sour words and false jealousy.You are arrogant and I am more arrogant than you.The thing in this world that can most arouse Miss Dai Er's confrontation is being arrogant towards her.Dai Er really wanted to throw the sneer away, but after a second thought, it's really unnecessary to get angry with this kind of guy who doesn't read books and only plays tricks and tricks. It's not equal. Human dignity is only needed in front of someone worthy of your respect. Keep.What's more, this matter is of great importance. If you don't have a good identification, you won't get a passport. If you don't get a passport, you won't even think about going abroad.Therefore, Dai Er restrained her instinct and turned it into a smile.Dai Er tried to impress the fat cat-like personnel director with a smile tactic for a long time, but in the end she still refused to let her see the appraisal.Dai Er thought in her heart that this appraisal might be bad, and there might be a lot of bad things, but Dai Er didn't want to smile at that fat cat face anymore, she felt that if she continued to smile, she would become a clown.There are already so many clowns in China, and clown faces will be born in any crack like a spring. Some of these faces are performative, hiding sadness;Over the past few years, Ms. Dai Er has carefully observed thousands of faces and made detailed analysis on them.Walking on the street, Dai Er's only hobby is this matter.But one day she suddenly lost her habit of looking at faces all over the street in a self-deprecating way, and she found that she could see people's faces effortlessly from the various masks in the shop windows.

At this moment, standing in the office of the Personnel Department, she thought, fortunately, that fat cat is not a big man who is in charge of people's promotion and demote, titles and dismissals, and the power of life and death in the world.Dai Er took the envelope, turned around and left. She returned home and struggled for a day, but finally dared not open the envelope. The next day, Ms. Dai went to the Municipal Public Security Bureau to apply for a passport with apprehension.She looked at the dark and crowded room of people in a small office, and everyone had a flattering expression on their faces that had no power to control their own destiny.The air in the room was stale and noisy.Dai Er stood in line for a while, feeling a little nauseous and wanting to vomit, feeling like heat stroke.So he ran to the front to stuff the stuff, and a uniformed police officer saw Dai Er's weak smile, and changed his face a little, becoming a little gentler.But when she saw the unopened envelope and a lot of messy materials in Dai's second hand, she said impatiently: "Arrange the materials in order and queue up later." Dai Er turned around and was about to queue up.The police officer thought that Dai Er would immediately sweetly and softly ask him to take care of him, but she immediately turned around and went to line up, and threw out a sentence unhappy: "I'm not the one who opened the envelopes. Come here." Dai Er struggled with thoughts for a whole day yesterday, but at this moment, the people from the Public Security Bureau personally said that she should disassemble it and hand it over.Dai Er happily went to line up, watching the identification while queuing.But looking at the appraisal, Dai Er's blood rushed to her face, and a faint blush appeared on her cheeks.Only two words were written in all the appraisals: General.Dai Er is disheartened!After working for four and a half years, Dai Er has devoted great enthusiasm to teaching work and her personal research topics, and has begun to make her mark among college students and academic circles. Her achievements are obvious to all.Dai Er looked at the word "common", at first she was chilled, and then she was swallowed by resentment.Quit, quit, Dai Er became impulsive.

After completing the passport procedures, Miss Dai Er "killed" and returned to the college to resign.She got into the car angrily, and the congestion of the city and the emptiness in her heart overlapped and pressed towards her along the way.She meditated on what she was going to say to the director of personnel, and then fought back against herself from the perspective of the director of personnel, making things difficult for herself, and then she thought of countermeasures to retaliate.Dai Er debated fiercely in her mind for a long time, but when she arrived at the gate of the college, she collected herself and turned away again.It was only then that she remembered that when she went to the Public Security Bureau to collect the passport a month later, she had to issue a certificate from the Personnel Department.

Miss Dai Er felt blocked in her heart, her hair was empty, she was tired and sad standing on the street outside the gate of the college, took a few breaths, and then walked away without making a sound. Dai Er walked along a road that was shriveled by the bright sun.The street at noon looked lonely and dazzling, and the asphalt road under my feet became a little soft.She has walked through this street countless times, but suddenly she felt a strange sense of strangeness towards all this familiarity. A month later, the personnel department of the unit issued a certificate, and Dai Er took back her passport. She knew that the domestic procedures were completely completed.So, without hesitation, he returned to the college and resigned.You think I don't care about your position as a university teacher!People can't live like a dog, they have to have a bit of dignity. After going out, they pick up the broken things and never come back. Like many wronged people on the eve of going abroad, Miss Dai silently swears in her heart.

On the way home, she recounted the emotional devastation she had devoted herself to in the past few years, and recounted all kinds of incidents in which the career achievements she valued were ignored by others, her eyes were shining brightly.Back home, Dai Er wrote the words "Farewell" and stuck them on the glass door of the bookcase.She can't figure out who to say goodbye to or what to say.Anyway, those two words are an emotion, a challenge. But Dai Er is Dai Er after all, "Farewell" was only posted for one day before she quietly took it down.Miss Dai Er is good at self-examination. Although she is an emotional person on the one hand, she is also very self-sustaining and controlling.She felt that she was too devoted, and she was so committed that she could see through it at a glance by a sensible person.So, she replaced "Farewell" with "You Ren Ba Huang" and pasted it on the bookcase.In this way, it not only conceals itself, adds a detached and free and easy charm, but also contains the emotion of "farewell".

In fact, Second Miss Dai knew that when she went abroad, she would never live a life of picking up rags.Dai Er's financial guarantor, John Jones, turned out to be a student of Dai Er's father who studied Chinese literature. He was tall and handsome, with cloudy gray-blue eyes that made people look eternally affectionate, and his chest was densely covered with black hair.His Chinese is not very good, but it adds a kind of creativity of words.For example, when he said goodbye to Professor Dai for the last time, he said; I hope we will meet again soon (it should be a meeting).After Professor Dai's death, he devoted himself to studying Professor Dai's works.Jones has been to China several times, and he has a lot of affection for Miss Dai Er. When we sit side by side on the couch together, he always "unintentionally" touches her calf and knee.Later, he tried to hug her a few times, but Miss Dai Er wittily turned him away.

Once, Jones asked Miss Dai Er to dance face to face with him, and Dai Er agreed. It was a clear summer night, and in John Jones’ dormitory, he turned off the indoor lights, and the moonlight outside the window and The faint fragrance of the sycamore tree flowed in together. The tall Jones held the thin and thin Dai Er in his arms like a walking stick, and held him under his armpits. He even lowered his head and gently licked Dai Er's ears and neck. Jones's strong and urgent heartbeat and the thing on his body pressed against Dai Er's chest and abdomen warmly. The passionate caress almost made Miss Dai Er lose her last resistance.

At the end of the music, Dai Er pretended not to feel anything and left, even though her back, waist, ears and neck were all very sensitive and very sensitive. The last time John Jones returned to China, he said that if he could marry such a delicate oriental woman as Miss Dai Er in his life, he would have nothing to ask for.When they parted, Dai Er was also moved, and her eyes became moist.But when she saw his thick black hair, Dai Er retreated again, and finally failed to embrace him.Dai Er knew very well that the things that hindered her from embracing him were not those black hairs, they were just things that could be said, and the things that could not be said were the real obstacles.

This time he asked Miss Dai Er to go out, and his motive was obvious.Dai Er thought that after turning off the lights, she might not be able to remember her black and fluffy body, nor could she think of anything that could become an obstacle.Isn't it just sleeping together and having sex with him at night?Just do it, the world is as black as crows, and all men are the same, either make love with this man or that man, it's all about making love anyway.At this time, she stripped away all the men in the world, except for the key thing in the man—a gun filled with gunpowder.Miss Dai Er suddenly felt fear, and Jones' gun kept spinning in her mind.Then, several scenes shook before Miss Dai Er's eyes: a male deer was chasing a weak doe, they climbed over the fence, passed through the woods, climbed up the hillside, crossed the beach, and finally came to a river By the stream of sweet water, they pant and drink... She sees a fragrant yellow flower or a straight young tree in an empty bottle... She sees a speeding car like a dangerous Lightning suddenly crashed into a house whose doors and windows had never been opened, so the walls collapsed, the window lattices fell, and milky white mortar overflowed from the overturned limestone walls...Miss Dai Er knew that a gun must be waiting for her to go abroad. If you don't go abroad, you will definitely have a gun waiting for her. Getting married is a gun; not getting married is also a gun.She has no choice.So, she married herself in advance in her mind.

At that time, Ms. Dai Er's two girlfriends, Miao Yi and Mai San, both lived together and married other people successively, which invisibly put pressure on Dai Er.She finally felt how fragile and vulnerable the friendship between single women was.She, Miao Yi, and Mai Sandu were once so good that they would miss each other if they didn't see each other for a week, and they all swore not to marry a man.Especially Ms. Dai Er and Miao Yi. They hid on the balcony of Dai Er's house. The summer nights were extremely long and affectionate. They looked at the mysterious and blue sky and told each other about the distant past, dreams and hard-earned dreams. Love, the voice from the ancient times permeates their hearts.Many times, they were moved by the endless sky, the strength of personality and the sad eyes of the other party, and the tears overflowed uncontrollably.At night, they went back to the room and slept on a big bed. They were separated by gender, separated by the proper measure and distance between the same sex, maintaining the proper psychological space and private domain, and fell asleep quietly.Sometimes, Dai Er would suddenly feel a bone-chilling loneliness, and she knew that the same-sex friendship came to an end.But Dai Er thought, no matter what, it was warmer than sleeping alone, after all, she could feel the deep spiritual integration.