Chapter 14 Consciously enter

I received a letter from Tian Fang.She didn't mention the fact that she rushed to Niuwangbian Primary School several times to criticize me, neither explained the real motive of this behavior, nor asked about the subsequent effects, it was purely about my vicious letter scolding her. reply to the letter. She said in the letter that if it hadn't been for my name at the end of the letter, she would have judged 100% that it was written by Liu Jianguo!After she rejected Liu Jianguo's courtship letter, Liu Jianguo said something similar.The fox couldn't eat the grapes, so he said that the grapes were sour, and even said that the ancestors of the grapes were even more sour.She doesn't care about me because she thinks that vicious letter is not my sincerity...

I just can't bear the torment of this feeling.I should immediately run to her, kneel down, explain my sincerity, and let her whip me and beat me.I grabbed the letter paper and stuck it to my face, like her hand, sobbing.When I had had enough tears and calmed down, I wrote her back. I wrote that I still adhere to the views of the previous letter, and explanations are useless.And I declare that from now on, I will never write a reply, I will not read the letter, and I will reject it as soon as I receive it; I will never meet her again, and everything will come to an end here... Don't scold me for being hard-hearted!What have I become?It's not human at all!How could I implicate her in suffering with me?Nothing but the cruelest ax to sever the bond between them could separate her from my heart.I can only do this.

She sent a few more letters, and I gritted my teeth and threw them into the furnace, not even opening them.She looked for me twice later, but I still escaped through the back window... I believe my actions were for her good. She came to Niuwangbian Elementary School to criticize my actions, which completely tore apart the old schoolmate relationship between me and Liu Jianguo.Even though I became a rightist, Liu Jianguo still cared about me on the surface. He said that if he hadn’t taken care of me, I wouldn’t have been classified as a “central rightist.”He said that he didn't care if I said that he was "very happy" in public, but my words were not at the right time. When the rightists were rampantly attacking the party, my words catered to the needs of the rightists, and in nature they became rightists against the party. A note in the chorus, and it doesn’t do any harm to Liu Jianguo’s prestige... I believed these words at first, and I also believed in Liu Jianguo. If it's inappropriate, now, since Tian Fang came here a few times, Liu Jianguo never said anything to me again. He yelled in the yard with a cold face: "What's going on? The yard is so dirty?" It was undoubtedly in the public Accused me of failing to fulfill my duty of sweeping the floor.

He no longer feels embarrassed that I bring him water every day, and he doesn't even lift his head from the newspaper. He personally presided over the monthly reform report. In front of all the teachers, I scolded myself and asked the teachers to criticize again.Although I think I spit the sewage and dirt on my face, some of the teachers always think that I spit too little.In the past, Liu Jianguo wanted to affirm my progress, but later on, he was not sure at all, always emphasizing the things deep in my mind that had not been touched yet.I've come to the conclusion from countless remodeling inspections that I can't count, that honest inspections have the same practical effect as those that deal with errands.If you sincerely criticize yourself, he will say that you have not "touched the roots of your mind"; if you scold yourself indiscriminately in response to an errand, he will still say that you have not "touched the dirty things in the depths of your mind."I simply stopped worrying about it, and I was able to "keep my face and my heart beating" in the face of everyone's criticism.

I boil water, ring the bell, sweep the floor, clean the toilets, light the fire for the cook, Master Yang, choose vegetables, and wash the pots and bowls.I don't take the initiative to talk to anyone, and when someone asks me a word, I actually feel a kind of honor, as if my social status has also increased.Over time, I completely accepted the fait accompli of the "rightists", and I didn't even have a shred of confidence to see myself as a human being.In the past, some students called me a "rightist", and I felt uneasy for a while, but now I am calm, and even smiled at the students who called "rightists" inexplicably, as if to flatter me.

The cook I have the most contact with is Master Yang.Originally, helping him add coal and watch the fire, and wash the pots and dishes were extra tasks I took on my own initiative to show my sincerity in reforming. As time went by, he regarded me as half a cook.When the work got tighter, he would call me, and even cursed in the yard: "Xu Shenxing, have you got into a rat's hole? The fire is out!" Or: "Xu Youpai! There is no water! You don’t wring the water, have you scratched the sputum?” As soon as I heard his cry, I went to light the fire and went to the well platform to wring the water.I'm not annoyed, and I don't mean that I'm busy with other tasks, as if I'm really sneaking into a mouse hole, or doing something nasty - scratching the ear.

He also treats me well sometimes, and that is often when he is criticized by the principal, he will be very sincere to me, stuffing twice the amount of food in front of me, and angrily say: "Eat! It's not worth it! Eat! If you don’t eat, do you expect that bastard Liu Jianguo to say good things about you? Delusion! Don’t do it so desperately! Do you expect Liu Jianguo to say good things to you and take off your hat? Delusion! That bastard has no heart! He, I'm not afraid of him..." Sometimes he treats me very badly, and it is often when he is praised by Principal Liu, he will stare at me with three-lens eyes: "You are a shitty day, if you don't reform well, you will die to hell He is not a good ghost! Principal Liu and you are in the same class. Look at where he is respecting now? What hole are you curling up in now? The Communist Party is the great savior of the people. You dare to oppose the Party. It can be seen that you have a rebellious bone on the back of your head..."

However, most of the time when he was neither criticized nor praised by Liu Jianguo, he kneaded the dough while squinting and saying things that hurt me.Maybe he is too lonely to cook by himself; teachers generally disdain to have too much contact with him, and there is no common language; so he regards me as a happy object: "Xu Shenxing, I heard that you are very capable. Lie! You can write and draw, play and sing, you are an all-rounder! I heard that you can recite backwards and have profound knowledge! You have nothing to do, so go scratch your ass! Why do you have to give opinions? Now That's good! I can't sit in the position of the people's teacher, and I am a miserable person like me, cooking pots and burning stoves, and serving others. I should have served you as a suffering person like me!"

He sometimes showed a very obscene look: "You are not a little girl! That female gentleman who pretends to criticize you is so cute! I heard that when you were studying with her, you got together with 'gudong'? Hey! Tell the truth, did you come with her? Haha! Don’t blush! As long as you touch her tits, death is worth it!" If I couldn't take it anymore and walked away, he would yell, "Where did the rightists go again? Don't look at the fire! How stubborn..." I simply did not speak.Whether he scolds or hurts, I have the right to treat him as a dog farting.What scared me the most was his denunciation of me in front of Principal Liu.Principal Liu often understands my words and deeds through him.Misfortune comes from the mouth, I wrote down this famous saying through the ages.As time goes on, I can even smile silly and flatteringly at the face of him scolding me for hurting me.

My wife's changes were more dramatic. Since I became a rightist in the summer vacation that year, I have never been home.I was afraid to see my father, my elders and brothers in Yangxu Village, especially my wife Shu'e.I don't know what to do, He Tianfang is cut off, I prefer to be alone, in this case, I think the most difficult relationship to deal with is her.Divorce, I am in political trouble; go back and make up with her, I feel that I am too low, and I have no sense of personality. During the winter vacation, I had nowhere to go and wanted to stay at school. Liu Jianguo arranged for a rotation of school nurses, but I was not there, and I was not allowed to stay at school for the whole vacation.He is worried about me, afraid that I will set fire or explode, right?In the cold twelfth lunar month, I returned to my hometown, Yangxu Village, which is a little strange.

On the walls facing the streets and alleys in the village, there were large slogans written with whitewash: "Socialism is good", "Defend the country of socialism and fight back against the attacks of the rightists." . I stepped into the yard and heard the bellows beating in the small kitchen.My wife Shu'e probably heard footsteps, she leaned out from the small kitchen, saw me, stood up straight, and asked, "Who are you looking for?" She pretended not to know me.I didn't know how to deal with this situation, so I avoided her hateful eyes and walked straight in. "Oh! This is the good son of the well-known and promising Mr. Xu! I'm so stupid, I can't recognize it!" She clapped her hands and knees at the door of the kitchen, sighing and teasing. , "I heard that you have become rich and promoted from the leftist to the rightist! You are so brave! You have won the honor of the Xu family!" My heart seemed to be pierced with an awl, and the pain was so painful that I was almost suffocating.I went into my apartment and slumped into a chair paralyzed, my mind numb. She rushed into the room again, put her hands in her waist, stood at the door, and curled her thick lips mockingly: "Why did you come back alone? Where's your white-haired girl? Where's that wild woman?" "You..." My blood rushed to the top of my head, I stood up suddenly, and pounded my fist on the table, "You... talk nonsense again!?" "Being fierce in front of me, what kind of skill is it?" She was not afraid at all, but stood up straight, "If you have the ability to be fierce in school!" Thinking of my humiliation at school, I suddenly softened and sat down. "Your rightists are not given by me, so why are you so fierce in front of me!" She gained power, "You have oppressed me for ten years, bullied me for ten years, and I have been humbled by you for almost ten years! Enough Now! You are a big rightist now, and you have come back to your old den. If you are not a rightist, you will still stay in the wild den and never come back..." "Then..." I said, "you don't have to do this. If you don't want to, it's up to you!" "Divorce!" She said casually, "I'll find a farmer, and he won't think I'm ugly and uneducated. I've had enough, divorced..." "Okay, since we're divorced, there's no need to talk about it." I said, "I'll go through the formalities tomorrow, and each will go his own way." "Whoever doesn't leave is not a mother!" She jumped up, even more irresistible, "I will go to the president to open a letter of introduction now!" She went out the door. The room was very quiet, my parents didn’t know what to do, there was no one in the room, I sat in the room alone, and started to complain about my father, if he hadn’t threatened with a razor at the beginning, why did this happen!This Zhang Shu'e used to be like a limp moth, always looking at me timidly, never said a single angry word, always called me "Sir", and served me humbly like a maid in an old drama.Now, she has turned into a vicious black moth!Flapping their wings, shouting that they want to divorce me, they shouted from the door along the street!I think, now everyone in Yangxu Village knows that our family is ugly. My father and mother walked into the yard with frightened faces, and asked me the reason for the quarrel with her, sighed, and stopped talking about who was right, but my mother waved again and again: "Go, go! Pull her back. Let her Yelling in the street, people on the dung yard are like off the stage, it's really embarrassing..." Until dark, the mother failed to pull her back.She yelled at the dung yard, saying that she was determined to get a divorce, and then rushed to the director's house, crying and shouting for a while, saying that if the director did not issue a divorce letter of introduction to her, she would not go home... For three consecutive days, she scolded from morning to night, and went to the director's house to ask for a letter of introduction for divorce.My father is a skinny man, so he was so angry that he lay down now, without eating or drinking.The mother rushed forward and said good things to her daughter-in-law, persuading her, and she was so anxious that she cried, but it still didn't help.The two old people exclaimed: I never thought that the shy Shu'e would become a shameless tigress in the blink of an eye.Alas! In the end, I had to come forward and talk to the director of the society. After I spoke, he wrote her a letter of introduction. Early the next morning, she washed my face and combed my hair, and urged me to go to the county court for a divorce. I followed her on the road coldly. Walking into the county town and passing a restaurant, she said, "Buy me food, I'm hungry!" I suddenly felt a little uncomfortable, and felt sorry for her.She has been married to me for ten years, and this is the first time she has eaten in a restaurant.I suddenly felt that I treated her too much in the past... I bought the rice, fried some of the best dishes in the small restaurant, took it out of the window, and put it on the table.She was full of air, her right leg was pressed against her left leg, and Erlang Danshan was sitting at the table, waiting for me to bring the food and then the rice, looking at me like revenge: Come and serve me for a while! "Bring me salt!" she ordered me. I took the salt dish from another table and gave it to her. After eating, she went out first, and I followed behind.When I came to the county department store, she walked in, stood in front of the counter, and said to the salesperson: "Get a pair of rain boots." She tried the size, and then said to me: "Pay money!" I quickly paid the salesperson, My heart couldn't help but feel sour and jealous again. This is the first time since I married her that I bought something for her with my own hands. "Go, you lead the way." She came out, full of energy, "You know the way to the court." I walked to the gate of the court and looked back, but there was no sign of her. It was probably the first time she had entered the county seat. Didn't she go the wrong way at Dashizi?I hurriedly searched for her, ran all over the east and west gates of the county seat, and ran across the south and north gates, but there was no sign of her.From noon to noon, my legs were sore and tired, so I had to walk back.When I walked ten miles across Pingchuan and passed a small river, I saw her face purple with cold on the bridge. "You..." I stood in front of her, speechless angrily, "you...why are you here?" She stood up slowly: "I'll wait for you here." I saw that her complexion was not good, and she spoke softly, so I quickly asked, "Didn't you want me to go to the court with you?" "What are you going to court for?" She pretended to be stupid. "Divorce!" I said. "Divorce? I don't want to do such a stupid thing!" She said, "I want everyone in Yang Xu to know, and I dare to divorce! In the past few years, if you want to divorce me, women will look at me and say that men don't want it." I'm gone. Now, I don't want a man anymore! In fact, I can't really go for a divorce!" I sat paralyzed on the withered grass by the river, she yelled in the village, and went to the director's house to cry and make a scene, so it was to save her poor face! She cried, wiped her tears with her sleeve, shook her head, and stepped onto the wooden bridge. I stood up from the dry grass, walked over, and stepped onto the small bridge.The red light of the bleak winter sunset casts a faint blood red in the blue river...