Chapter 19 Chapter Eighteen

A few days later, I finally received my first income from the Commercial Daily, a total of 7,000 yuan.After deducting the initial investment, including about 800 yuan for various vehicles and meals during the implementation of the first batch of plans, as well as the 3,000 yuan rebate given to the head of the publicity section, I will make a net profit of more than 3,000 yuan.Looking at this thick pile of money, the joy in my heart has already forced those shameful experiences out of my mind.Even during the whole journey home, I had trouble calming myself down.I never thought I would be able to make money at this rate after all the disasters I've been through.If this continues, my annual income will be higher than ever.It is difficult for me to tell whether this is the so-called blind eye for money, or being dazzled by money.Because at that time, I almost forgot, maybe I didn't want to remember, what kind of price I paid for this income.All I fantasized about is that I can buy back next month's medicine for my father, improve my son's life, and buy a better set of cosmetics for myself...

The car has driven into the urban area, and the wind blowing in from the car window already has a familiar smell.I touched the money that had driven me to nowhere through the bag again, feeling an uncontrollable excitement.I will be home in tens of minutes. When I get home, I will put this stack of money in my father's hands and let him count my monthly salary. I want to make him happy. I believe that people's mood Well, the disease will heal quickly.However, when I got out of the car and walked out of the station, I saw Yuan Yilin walking from the opposite side.He was well dressed, talking and laughing with a beautiful lady and a man.

It was too late to turn around and escape.He was turning to explain something to the lady, and then, after shaking hands with the man, he came up to me. Since I couldn't avoid it, I had no choice but to walk towards him with a calm attitude.He stood in front of me, and the strong smell of alcohol was like a hot fountain, piercing my nasal cavity.He looked at me silently for a full two seconds, then suddenly asked, did you go to get your salary?The payment for that contract? The end of his speech was picked up, clearly revealing dissatisfaction and sarcasm.I had no choice but to remain silent.Two minutes later, he stopped confronting me and just said, I'll take you home!

I was going to refuse, but when he suddenly became emotional and stretched out his hand to grab me, I felt that at this time, in the public hall, it is best to obey this drunk man, so as not to cause unnecessary disputes.After he promised to be careful, I followed him in his car. The car was running fast on the road, and my good mood just now disappeared because of his appearance.When high-rise residential buildings appeared in front of me, I found that we were driving into a garden-style community with green grass and elegant environment.I couldn't help shouting loudly, wrong, you went the wrong way.

He ignored my yelling, but like a familiar driver, he followed beautiful tall buildings, passed through gardens full of flowers and plants, and stopped in front of a building. He opened the car door and said rudely, this is my new home, I have something to talk to you about. your new home?I blurted out, almost simultaneously, thinking of his wife.At this time, my feeling is to get out of here quickly, so as not to meet that woman.As if understanding my mind, he grabbed my hand and said, this is my personal home, you don't have to be afraid of her. Even so, I followed behind him tremblingly, and entered his house fearfully and vigilantly like a thief.It was a beautiful three-bedroom house.The large and bright floor-to-ceiling windows provide an unobstructed view of the entire garden. The pots of green plants placed by the two windows are integrated with the scenery outside the window, making people feel as if they are surrounded by green life.I have forgotten the unhappiness just now, and my whole body and mind are immersed in the admiration for this house.Curiously, I reconfirmed what he just said about living alone, and after getting his affirmative answer, I watched from room to room.

A few minutes later, I was admiring from the bottom of my heart while sitting on the large sofa in the living room.And asked loudly, this house only needs four to five million yuan, right? Instead of being as elated as I was, he nodded moodily.This made me realize that something was wrong. Tell me, how much did you receive today? I don't know why he has been obsessing over this issue, and it's even more difficult for me to guess what kind of psychology he has to be so obsessed with this matter.I said with some disapproval: Why do you have to know this?This is a personal matter. He became irritable and said with a glare, I just want to know.It's not just about you personally, do you understand?

I'm also a little unhappy, I don't like him playing tricks with alcohol.So he muttered in a low voice, why is it not my personal business.I earn my own money, support my own family, does it matter to anyone else? What did you say?He took a step and didn't seem to hear my words clearly. My voice was slightly louder, but my confidence was even less.Because of the many times he helped me, I always felt that I owed him a lot.I can only reluctantly say, I earn my own money to support my own family, does it have anything to do with others? Have!He even announced it to me loudly and confidently.

too weird!Faced with his unreasonable anger, I finally became annoyed.What happened to Yuan Yilin today, why did he become so unreasonable and illogical after drinking.That being the case, what would be the result of my entanglement with him like this?So, I no longer wanted to ignore him, stood up, and prepared to leave and go home. I just said what I meant to leave, but I didn't expect him to block me all of a sudden, his eyes full of hatred.He said, tell me how much money you made from that bastard. I was so angry that I stopped talking, and just quickly squeezed past him with a bag containing 7,000 yuan.As I pushed past him, he suddenly grabbed my purse strap and started to stretch.Out of fear of snatching the bag, I had to loosen the strap.Because that's the only bag I can go out with.

It seemed that he really lost his mind. After he took my bag, unexpectedly, he pulled Lalian away and took out the 7,000 yuan. He held up the pile of money, his face almost turned purple.Then he began to scold me loudly, for this little money, you betrayed yourself.You still have the face to spend this dirty money today. I feel extremely embarrassed, because of his merciless exposure, but also because of my poor self-esteem and shame.He didn't stop accusing me because of my shame, but continued to shout frantically, if you sell, why don't you sell to me, I will give you the highest price, to buy you, I will give all my wealth, all yes, do you understand?

I was so ashamed and indignant at his taunting and humiliation that I didn't know whether I should fight for my reputation or leave this guy who had lost his mind.Before I could make a decision, he actually held up the stack of money in one hand, grabbed my front with the other hand, and then pulled me across the long living room to the bathroom. I was dragged to the door of the bathroom, so I had no choice but to stand in front of the luxurious sanitary appliances, looking sadly at this man who had lost his mind.He loosened my clothes, stood in front of the urinal, turned around and gritted his teeth and said to me, Xie Yuping, I'll show you what that bastard's money is!After finishing speaking, he threw the stack of money into the urinal with a snap.

Ah - I let out an exclamation, as if being scalded, I jumped over, and before he could unscrew the water tank, I bent down and put my hand into the urinal without thinking.Almost at the same time, I heard a bang, and the water tank opened. The stack of money dripped down in my hand, and I looked down at the rapidly swirling water in the urinal, tears streaming down my face.I cried for my love of money, I cried for my lack of shame, and I also cried for my last poor self-esteem. The most painful thing I cried was that it forced me into this shameful fate.At that moment, I really couldn't tell whether my poor self-esteem was important or the money, and I didn't know which one I should choose when I could only choose one of the two.Maybe I have no room for consideration. When the money is about to disappear, my poor self-esteem can no longer stop my desire for money.Because it will be all my support for the next period of life, and it will be the only support for my father's drug chemotherapy.Without it, my father may die, without it, my son and I cannot live.Compared with the life of a father, compared with the life of a son, what is my poor dignity? Maybe it was my shameless love of money that angered him. He stared at the wet pile of money in my hand, and suddenly rushed towards me madly.With the lifting of his slap, my hand was smashed down heavily by him, and the stack of money fell to the ground like a piece of wet mud with a "slap".My eyes almost turned green on the money, and once again I bent down quickly to grab it.But as soon as my hand reached out, his foot in the leather shoe had already stepped on it. Facing the destruction of that money, the last bit of shame I had was once again drowned by the tide of lust for money.I lowered my head and stared desperately at the pair of big brown shoes, and started to move the big foot with my hands in a heart full of hatred.However, as a result of his hard work, not only did he not push it, but he saw the money being stepped on and unscrewed under his big foot, and more and more wet mud-like paper scraps were squeezed out from below and stuck to the ground.I finally couldn't bear it any longer, and became angry. Because of the fate of the money and the desperation I was about to face, without any hesitation, I raised my body frantically and slammed into his waist. He was still stomping hard on the little money, and because of this, almost all of his body weight fell on the other foot.In order to save the money, I almost put all my strength on my shoulders, and then, with a howl, I knocked him over. He sat heavily on the ground, and at the same time as he fell, his dancing arm broke a beautiful tooth cup holder, and a glass suddenly shattered by the pool, and then, I saw Yuan Yilin leaning his head on the wall behind him A stream of blood flowed silently from his neck. I looked down at Yuan Yilin on the ground, I didn't know whether I was afraid because of the blood, or excited because I saved the money, so I cried loudly.Yuan Yilin was touching the wound on the back of his neck, but I turned around to look at the severely worn money.Then, weeping, I walked quickly to the money, reached out and picked it up, ignoring its dripping water and frayed confetti, and pocketed it.Under Yuan Yilin's surprised eyes, I stepped over his leg and rushed out of the bathroom. I want to get out of here quickly, away from this crazy man! I walked quickly across the spacious living room, ran to the door like a sprinter sprinting towards the finish line, and opened the inner door.However, the next dark gray anti-theft door stumped me.I twisted one and it wouldn't open, then twisted the other and it still wouldn't open.When I was sweating profusely from anxiety, my hand was suddenly grabbed by Yuan Yilin's extended hand. He twisted my arm so hard that I was in so much pain that I had to turn around and face him as he twisted.It was a pale face, the eyes deeply embedded in the face were burning with raging flames, besides a blurred bloodstain left by his smearing on the back of the neck, there was still blood flowing down slowly through the bloodstain, The shirt at the shoulders was stained red.I stared at the pool of blood in fear, not knowing how big the wound was, let alone what would happen next.I was twisted by his arms, and followed him step by step as he walked. We came to the living room, where the huge floor-to-ceiling glass was reflecting the white clouds in the sky.He suddenly lowered his head, stared at me with his eyes, and asked, is that money so important to you? I,... I don't know what kind of wording to answer better, I just held back the tears of embarrassment and stammered, I have to live, I have to treat my father, and... I suddenly remembered the words of the head of the publicity department. With that commission, he suddenly felt confident, and couldn't help but raise his voice, saying, there are three thousand yuan from someone else. Throw it all away and I'll give you double money?There was not only anger but also pain in his eyes. I thought, he must have been pitying me at that time, pitying me for getting money from the urinal, and maybe there were other intentions.However, he asked me to throw away the money, as if he was laughing at my love for money, which seriously hurt my poor self-esteem and my poor dignity.The shame in my heart was finally stimulated to pieces and turned into a bloody anger: Why?Why should I throw away this money?Why accept your money?Just because you think the money is dirty?No, I tell you, you are wrong.In my opinion, this money is money, there is no fuss, it is no different from any money in the hands of you rich people, I can use it to maintain my life, I can use it to save my father's life , I can use it to support my son in school.I can even buy some poor cosmetics for my own aging face, so as to maintain my poor face in front of people,... I whimpered and cried, for the little bit of vanity I still had in these difficult days, for the pitiful face I still remembered at such a moment.Blood was still oozing from his neck, and his eyes seemed to be congested with red threads.The white clouds in the blue sky outside the window are still floating, like waves catching the tide, constantly swimming and changing.I look away, look at this arrogant man, and feel extreme hatred, I hate him for forcing me to tell about my difficult life, hate him for forcing me to tell the last little vanity secret, hate him for asking me to destroy that money He looks rich and powerful, and hates how dirty he despises the money.With tears streaming down my face, I looked straight into his eyes and cried out at the top of my lungs: Do you think I'm ridiculous and embarrassing?Do you think it's really shameless for me to betray myself for that pitiful little money?No!I announced loudly that I neither find it ridiculous nor dirty. I got it by my own labor, my own wisdom, even my own blood and sweat, and my own dignity.Therefore, I have the right to defend my income, and I have the right to dispose of my income. His face has changed from the distorted anger just now to the deep pain, and his hand has let go of mine at some point.However, my painful emotions are already like an out-of-control machine, breaking through the shackles, spinning wildly in a space without tracks, reckless: Why do you ask me to throw away this money?Why do you interfere with my life?Could it be that just because you are rich, you can ignore my self-esteem?Are you free to disdain other people's hard work just because you have money?You can regard money as dung and waste paper, because you are not short of money, but you have no right to ask me to be like you. The more I talked, the more angry I was, the pain I had suffered in the difficult days of the past few years, and the resentment against everything that resulted from it all gathered in my heart.I thought of the lovesickness I suffered to get angry with Yu Zhi; the humiliation and torture I suffered to cater to that bald man for my title, publishing a book, and even fighting with Chang Tianli; Hardship; for this income, the physical and mental suffering... I can hardly control myself, because of the suffering years in the past and the difficult life I am facing, I can't help but turn my resentment into sharp words, stabbing at this person who looks down on me man.If I say that I am accusing Yuan Yilin, it is better to say that I am accusing my own fate. I'm just a poor man, a woman who can't even break a penny into a hundred petals, a laid-off woman, a middle-aged woman with old and young, I need money.I am not blessed to have a husband who supports me, a husband who supports my family.Who am I, a woman like me, why should I be arrogant, why should I be proud, and why should I throw away that money.Do you know how my life goes?do you know? I don't know when, I have turned from defense to offense. I was crying frantically about the pain that had accumulated in my heart for so many days, and at the same time frantically pushed the man in front of me who made me feel ashamed: You know how I am living day?do you know?I can tell you so that you can laugh at me anytime later. I was desperate, I grabbed his collar with one hand, and saw that the blood line had stopped flowing, but the pool of blood on the side followed the collar I grabbed, and turned to my eyes.I twisted my face, gritted my teeth and said, I only have 400 yuan a month for living expenses, and the living expenses will be stopped soon, do you understand?But my father needs a few hundred yuan for medicine every month, and my son's annual tuition costs several thousand yuan. Also, let me tell you... I stopped for a while, swallowed hard, wished I could pop my eyes out and said, do you still want to know?Well, look at my aging face, when your wives enjoy the services of those high-end beauty salons, I can't even afford a bottle of facial oil.Come here and smell it, have you ever smelled this smell?This is a face cream bought for seven yuan.You laugh at me, maybe your wife doesn't even bother to use it to wipe her feet! I couldn't stop crying, this contrast between rich and poor made me hate the man in front of me even more: If you want to know more thoroughly, if you want to see my downfall more clearly, then, let me help you!That is, I wish I could reach menopause right now, so that I can save money on buying hygiene products every month, so that I can buy two catties of eggs for my family to supplement. I cried profusely, and I think this is the most satisfying venting of all the hardships and pains I have had since my divorce, especially since I was laid off.To hell with everything!I thought, I had a very hard life, why should I force myself to smile?Why pretend to be strong?Since the man in front of me looks down on me so much, let him look down on me completely! Are you happy now?Happy?You know all my pain, all my shame and shame, laugh at me as much as you like!I don't care, I don't care about anything.You can stay away from me if you think I'm dirty and shameful.Lest I get you dirty! ... Oh, he suddenly let out a low growl, and at some point his lowered head suddenly lifted up, those bloodshot eyes were already filled with tears.With a low cry, he hugged my head, and then there was a low, thick man's cry and vague words: Why didn't you tell me earlier?Why?My poor Pingping, how could I laugh at you?how could be?Do you know how I love you, how I cherish you?From young to now, in the past few decades, my love for you has never stopped, nor has it decreased by a single bit. Even when you dumped me, my love never stopped for a single day.As long as you are willing, as long as you allow, I am willing to give everything for you at any time, you know?Just like back then!How can I laugh at you?How can it be? My crying intensified, maybe it was because I was so excited after letting go of the grievances in one breath, maybe because I was moved by his pity and his affection for me, I actually shed tears one after another. The front of his shirt was heavily wet.I sank my head into the middle of his wide and warm chest and arms, and could even hear his vigorous heartbeat clearly.This feeling of warmth and security makes me feel confused for a while when I am tired. I really want to have such a generous chest for me to lean on and rest. I also really hope to have such a man who loves me and gives me A happy and safe home, where my wandering heart and weary soul rest in a peaceful haven.However, how can I have such a life!First of all, Yu Zhi abandoned me because of trumped-up charges, and Li Zifeng also gave up on fulfilling his original promise, what other man can give me?Even if the man in front of me wants to give it to me, what can we do? He was still whimpering intermittently, but he held my head in his hands.My face is in his wide palm, feeling the warm breath from his body temperature.Looking up at those eyes full of pain and pity, it seems that he has returned to the time more than ten years ago.At that time, it was also such a pair of eyes full of love, but it was a boy's face and a young look.If, time can be turned back, if fate gives me another rebirth, will I cherish him and own him without losing the opportunity? He lowered his head, and in his half-closed eyes, there were two plump tears, like two ripe fruits, shining through the shadow of his eyelashes, falling on my cheeks, and then mixed with my tears into the corners of my mouth.I heard his murmured low sobs, like the clouds floating outside the window, soft and fuzzy: Don't reject me, don't stay away from me, let me give you happiness, let me give you everything.His voice is getting softer and lower, as if it came from a corner of his chest through his thick body, let me give you marriage, give you love, you know I have been waiting for more than ten years, longing for it More than ten years... His mouth gently touched my dry lips, like a gentle touch, slowly opened my long-awaited lips, and also opened up my long-awaited emotional world.I have already forgotten what night it is today, and who this person is. I only know how these few sincere and emotional words touched my strong heart in the days of suffering.How I look forward to a pair of strong hands propping up a piece of blue sky above my head, looking forward to a pair of strong shoulders to help me pick up the heavy burden of life, and a pair of soft lips to comfort my soul! If I was moved because of his so-called promise of marriage and love, it is better to say that I was deeply moved by the unremitting affection he expressed for me for more than ten years.More than ten years ago, when I abandoned him relentlessly, not only did he not completely break up with me, but he loved and cared about me as always, and even today, more than ten years later, when I am old and in trouble, He can still try to give me marriage and love like he did when he first fell in love more than ten years ago.People are always lamenting that true love is hard to find and that there is no lasting love in the world. Isn't this enough to move people?Isn't this enough to make me swear to die?Leaning in his warm arms, I only felt that apart from being full of guilt towards him, I felt deep gratitude and the resulting love response from the heart.Yes, why can't I love him, why can't I accept him after I owe him more than ten years?After I failed his deep love for me. We just went madly into a world of love, where everything is burning and hallucinating.Although in the last moment of reason, I asked aloud in my heart, God told me, can I repay the emotional debt I owe him in this way?Is it possible to express my deep gratitude to him in this way?Is it possible to return his love for me in this way?Also, can I continue our original love from now on? In a frenzy of passion, we sucked each other's tears and did the one thing we hadn't done in our youth, making love!It seems that men and women always express the highest state of their emotions in this way, and we are not exempt.In the violent intercourse with him, I have already forgotten the scars left by Yuzhi deep in my heart, and I have forgotten the failures I had with Li Zifeng. I just taste his salty tears wholeheartedly. Experience never before.It was a painful pleasure, a kind of pain and pleasure that approximated to be penetrated and crushed.I never imagined that on such a difficult day, after such a frenzied quarrel, we would have such passion, and it was something we have never let go of.I don't think it matters whether this is another chance God arranged for us. The key is that we have regained all our original feelings. He had already fallen asleep, perhaps because the violent quarrel consumed too much energy, or maybe the temporary satisfaction made him relax for a while.After falling in love with me as promised, he finally fell asleep. The curtains hang quietly on both sides, the clouds outside the window are still drifting gently, and the green path in the distance is like a light green ribbon showing me the distant past.I gently got up and got out of bed, sat in front of the dressing table at the window base, looked at the aging woman in the mirror, and recalled some long past events again.I seem to see the young man who raised his face and called me under the window in so many afternoons in the university, as if I saw the figure of the young man and woman walking on the mountain path during the outing in early spring.In the green mountain wind, there seems to be a brisk butterfly flying across the long river of time and following the track of life, quietly knocking on my heart. This is a poem by Hsi Mur-jung that I read when I was young.I remember that after reading this poem, I fell into the artistic conception of this poem and felt sad for a long time.But today, when I was sitting in front of the mirror, looking at my aging face, and combing my "white" hair, I suddenly remembered the song "Mountain Road" that had deeply moved me, and found that I had used it for a long time. Half of his life repeated the story of this poem.The infatuated boy, from the age of eighteen to thirty-eight, never changed his infatuation, but the girl married irresponsibly after making a promise one spring afternoon, leaving the boy still in the original Waiting for that date, waiting for that old woman... It seems that lasting love really exists in the world, but I let it go at the critical moment of getting married.I remember Xi Murong said when talking about this poem, "Things about youth may be trivial, but it is irreparable to hurt a person's heart when you are young." But now, when this former youth ignores the past, , give me another chance to make up for it, can I still make up for it? Yuan Yilin slept very restlessly. I wondered if he was just like Xi Murong said in that poem, on the road when he was young, looking anxiously at the way he came, waiting foolishly for the married woman... I am sad I slowly walked back to the bed, sat beside him, and carefully observed this man who moved me so much.I have to admit that the years have taken away the innocence of that young boy, only the firmness of the mouth, the thick black eyelashes, and the infatuation of the boy, once again tossing the emotion that I have been sleeping for more than ten years.I gently stroked the dots of white hair on his sideburns, and slowly stroked the blood-clotting wound on his neck, with tears in my eyes again.I swear to myself, if he wants me, I will give him everything, if I can add some color to his life, I will give it. When we were about to say goodbye, when Yuan Yilin and I had tidied up and stood face to face in neat clothes, he suddenly pulled me excitedly and stood side by side in front of the large mirror inlaid in the mahogany wardrobe, and said affectionately, Pingping, you know this What's the matter with the house? I looked at the mature man in the mirror suspiciously, wondering what this problem had to do with me? Did you see that man at the station?This was his house. He had just bought the house and was about to get married when his girlfriend ran away with someone.In a fit of anger, he left the country.Then I bought it. He took my hand and continued to say to the puzzled woman in the mirror, this is our house, mine and yours. I want to marry you and fulfill our youthful dreams! Startled, I looked carefully at the men and women in the mirror, wondering if I had heard wrong?Or is this man confused?The man was turning towards the woman, his straight suit gently rubbing against the woman's windbreaker.He said rationally and calmly: I know you are not mentally prepared, but I have been waiting for the day to propose.Ever since that afternoon of conflict in the hospital, I have been thinking about how to solve the difficulties we are facing.I love you. For so many years, I have been unable to stop loving you. It is for this reason that I cannot make my family life happy. I know this is very unfair to Liang Fengting.It is also for this reason that when you divorced, I did not effectively stop it, because deep down in my heart I have been selfishly hoping and waiting for you to break up.If you blame me, I hope you will forgive me for the sake of my love for you.Now, I think, it's time for complete relief.If you can still accept me, let me take care of you.I will never let you suffer any torture again, I will not let you be bullied... Dreams come true!I kind of wept with joy.I have been waiting for a long time because I expect marriage to change my difficult life and expect a man to help me shoulder the burden of life.Ever since Yu Zhi had a wife, my illusions about Zhi were completely shattered.In the future, for so many days, I would dream of having such a man who could give me such a promise and result.However, Li Zifeng, the only one I met, not only failed to keep his promise, but hurt me heavily.Since then, the hopes pinned on men have almost become more and more elusive.I didn't even think that Yuan Yilin, this first lover, would be willing to take on such a heavy burden of life for me today, more than ten years later.At that moment, I couldn't tell whether it was because I was moved by Yuan Yilin's sincerity and shed tears, or because I was excited that my suffering days would soon come to an end, or if the oath of shame that Liang Fengting made when Yu Chen made me lose face was about to come true And excited. I really didn't expect that the oath that I made in a moment of anger was like a pie falling from the sky, and it suddenly fell into my mouth easily.I can almost imagine the despair that woman would have when she heard the news that Yuan Yilin and I planned to get married.I know how she is terrified of divorce, of losing this man.Because in the hospital, I clearly saw the fear she showed when Yuan Yilin threatened to divorce her. I stopped crying, I was happy for a revenge that I was about to achieve, and I was also excited about the end of my miserable life.I feel like I finally have something to rely on. Standing beside Yuan Yilin, I couldn't stop my fantasies about future life, and I couldn't stop the pleasure in my heart from realizing revenge on Liang Fengting.When I thought that Liang Fengting might have fallen into a terrible abyss from then on, I suddenly felt ashamed of such a noble thought in my heart.What am I doing?Am I robbing Liang Fengting's husband?Am I robbing Liu Xinmei's father?What will people think of me?What does my son think of me?Also, when the son finds out that his mother has taken his classmate's father, will he be ridiculed by his classmates? no!Thinking of my son and his family, I woke up as if a basin of clear water had been poured into my head.Recalling the whole process of this half day is like having two beautiful dreams.When I regained my reason and examined my actions and the consequences that would be brought about, I suddenly realized the cruelty of reality, and realized what kind of environment a third party who robbed people of their love would face.No matter whether this kind of emotion succeeds or not, I can't face my son, and I can't face Yuan Yilin's family.In fact, it is not a fair ending for Yuan Yilin personally. Thinking clearly about the possible ending in the future, I turned around, turned my back to Yuan Yilin, closed my eyes, and said decisively, I can't do this!I'm not qualified, I'm not worthy! Don't belittle yourself like that, Yuan Yilin turned to me, looked me in the eyes and said, I will be sad. I felt that the kindness deep in my heart was gushing out like a spring, and I said with a noble face, I can't take away people's love!I can't break up your family! Yuan Yilin was silent, and a minute later he put his hand on my shoulder.He said, don't worry, you didn't take anything apart.For so many years, our family life has been spent in quarrels, especially in recent years, since you divorced, Liang Fengting seems to have put all her thoughts on defending you and me.My daughter is already tired of our quarrels and cold wars. She has already expressed that she would rather endure our divorce than endure such endless family wars. I suddenly realized, and finally understood my son's strong resistance to my association with Yuan Yilin.Even so, I still doubt whether we can form a new family on such a basis, and I still doubt whether a family built on such a basis will be really happy.Also, how do we explain to our children, how do we build our dignity in front of our children?