Chapter 18 Chapter Seventeen

The first batch of plans came to an end with this terrible nightmare. Although nearly 800 yuan was spent on car fare and food during the rush of these plans, the shameful 1,000 yuan I got at the end finally made me feel better. I have a surplus, plus the 400 yuan living allowance issued by the unit, so that I can temporarily maintain my father's medical expenses and our family's living expenses.I slowly adjusted from this humiliating experience, and in the process of trying to forget this traumatic trauma, I started to start a new development. The weather has gradually warmed up, and the breath of spring blows all over the land with vitality, making all life easier and more beautiful.Although the days were difficult, fortunately, my father's health condition improved a little bit.In such a situation, when I was bathed in the bright sunshine and began to regain my initial self-confidence and self-improvement, I found that the nightmare was far from being as simple as I imagined.Instead of gradually blurring and disappearing due to the passage of time, it grew into a horrible memory that will never disappear in my life.On a sunny afternoon, I found myself in one of the scariest predicaments since my divorce.

I am pregnant! A single laid-off woman in her thirties became pregnant in such a harsh living environment.When I was lucky and finished the examination in the hospital, I had to admit such a cruel fact: that night, because of revenge, because of seducing Mr. Zhang, I got severe punishment and retribution from God ! I walked out of the hospital in a daze, once again experiencing the indescribable despair of life.Passers-by are busy passing by, I really want to ask them, how happy is your life?How much suffering?How much trouble do you have?How much happiness is there?I would also like to ask them, if living is only for a morsel, and if even a morsel requires dignity, is it necessary to live?

The two rows of poplar trees on the side of the road have grown new green leaves, and the poplar flowers flew all over the sky at some point, flying in all directions like winter snow.There is a beautiful campus next to it, and in the center of the campus facing the road there is a small flower pond that is spraying water, where red, yellow, and purple flowers are dotted, as if showing off the beauty and joy of life to me.I stopped and looked at the beautiful flower pond. I thought of my son, his immature life and the flowers he should have enjoyed in his life, and also thought of my father and the peace and tranquility he should have enjoyed in his last life.

I stretched out my hand to lift a lock of hair on my forehead, straightened my hair that was blown by the wind, and told myself, no matter whether my life is just for this one bite of food, I have the value to live, because behind my dignity , There are two lives that need my support and running around. In the evening, I finally got through to Mr. Zhang.I told him hoarsely, since God did not give us the right to end, then you also have no right to end everything that has started. I was wearing a large windbreaker, standing by the small river passing through the city, watching the river gradually darken indifferently.A few weeping willows planted at unknown times are gently shaking their dark green willow branches in the wind, and occasionally a soft branch shakes in front of my face, as if the hand of the God of life is exploring my indifferent heart.I stood motionless, letting the evening wind blow my clothes, and letting passers-by cast curious eyes.If it is said that my heart is as indifferent and calm as my expression, that is not true, because I have become more and more aware that in my heart, apart from the negotiation of that little life, there is another feeling that is both pitiful and The terrible hope, just like the growing dusk in front of my eyes, spread rapidly as the night fell.That is, the publicity that I have put a lot of effort and energy into must make it a reality, and I want to get the income I deserve.

I can't tell if it's an act of coercion, but I have every reason to ask him to honor the publicity he promised.Because it will neither damage his personal image or interests, nor will it have a bad impact on his company. On the contrary, it has a good meaning for his company to establish a good image. It was completely dark, pedestrians began to become rare, but my shame became swayed by desire in the dark night.A black car approached me from a distance and stopped not far away.The fat man finally got out of the car clumsily, and moved closer to me like a huge and bulky black bear.

how can that be possible?Standing across from me, he went straight to the point in his first sentence, expressing his doubts to me. Through the street lamp next to him, I saw the unconcealable boredom in his small eyes.I gritted my teeth and said in a cold tone: If you don't believe me, then I'll give birth and I'll talk about it after the scientific appraisal. Are you blackmailing me?He suddenly became annoyed, he leaned towards me, reached out and grabbed my hand, looked straight into my eyes, and roared in a low voice. I also controlled my anger, still calmly looked at him and said, if you insist on thinking this is a threat, then I have nothing to say!

He suddenly let go of my hand, stood up straight, took a step back, and fell silent.The surface of the water behind him shone mysteriously under the faint light of the street lamps. Looking into the depths, it was a dark and silent world. Like the unpredictable man opposite him, he didn't know what terrible things were hidden inside. thing.The spring breeze is still blowing endlessly, passing through the blurred gaps of weeping willows, passing over our bodies, and then floating across the surface of the small river like an invisible net, drifting away to the distance. He finally spoke, and the anger in his voice seemed to have blown across the river with the wind just now.He said, that night, although I took advantage of your drunkenness to do something I should not have done, it cannot be said to be my personal responsibility.You acted like a frivolous woman that night. I thought you were like some women I have met, who sacrificed their virginity to achieve their goals.I didn't realize we were wrong until I saw your violent reaction the next day.So, I leave you a thousand dollars as a token of my regret.As for the publicity, I thought, as long as you come again, I will sign a contract for you, but you didn't come, so I don't think you are a bad woman.

My hatred eased a little, maybe his affirmation of me satisfied my poor self-esteem and vanity.But I haven't gotten used to this kind of affirmation, and he changed the subject, which made me angry again.He said, I didn't expect it, I was wrong again.In fact, you are just like many women I know, good at acting, lying, and even blackmailing.I'm telling you, you're the fourth woman I've ever met who tricked me into having my child.The first one, I gave her a sum of money, the second one, I didn't give her a penny, the third one, I didn't give her a penny, and the fourth one, I won't even give her a penny.Do you know how you make me feel, I want to laugh, it's so ridiculous.You're old enough to play this stupid game like those little girls.If you tell me that you need money, I will give it to you without hesitation because of my fault. If you threaten me, I'm sorry, I will never accompany you.

I never dreamed that he would not care about my last and only trump card.At this time, the situation turned suddenly, and I suddenly became passive from an active position. After that, I hardly knew what I should do or say, so I had to stand in front of him excitedly, tongue-tied. He didn't stop his fierce words, he still chased after him, and made the final sentence to me: You can be born, and I won't stop it, but you don't even want to get a penny from me.I hate this stupid blackmail and smart-ass show of yours. I still stood there dumbfounded, only thinking overwhelmed in my heart, how could I be born?How can I show off with a big belly?I am a single woman!How can I earn money with a big belly?I still have old people and children!

He still doesn't leave any room to demonstrate to me, and you don't ask me what kind of person Zhang is. From the time we started our business to today's achievements, we didn't walk through bloody steps.I advise you to put away this little science trick, because it doesn't work for me! After speaking, he suddenly turned around and walked in the direction of the car.As he turned around, I felt a cool wind blowing from the water behind him, bringing some moist air to my cheeks.I woke up suddenly and realized that my plan had been completely ruined.Then, I rushed forward like an arrow from the string.

Before he could dodge in time, I knocked him down hard.I looked up and found that his head was already on the bank of a small river.There was no sound around, and no one was moving around. At that moment, I suddenly had a terrible thought in my heart, I want to push him down! I don't know if he read madness and despair from my eyes and expression, he bounced his bulky body up quickly, and before I made the next desperate move, he grabbed me and kicked me high past the legs. I stood on one foot, staggered, and struggled vigorously.He only snorted contemptuously, and sent my leg violently, and I sat stiffly on the ground.He turned around again and wanted to leave me along the river in another direction. I was already irritated by his disdain, contempt, and especially his slander of my so-called blackmail. Lost in demonstrations.When angry tears suddenly fell into my mouth, I once again gathered all my strength and rushed towards him with great speed.However, when I reached his side, he suddenly passed by, and I couldn't stop my feet and plunged into the river. The darkness, boundless and bottomless, enveloped me like a black cave with no exit.I was dizzy, and I couldn't tell if it was because the eyes couldn't see, or if it was just such a horror underwater.The sounds of spring and night in my ears suddenly disappeared, the sound of the gentle spring breeze stirring the willows, and the occasional ripples of the river surface were gone, replaced by a dull humming sound, which seemed to be far away. The sound of wave after wave from the sky was rolling violently under the surface of the water somewhere.In addition to the extreme fear, I felt as if my body was being pierced by countless fine needles, piercing into every pore, every joint, and even hair, and the pain was unbearable.I danced my limbs, desperately looking for something to rely on, but everything I touched was so soft, seemingly nothing, real and illusory, everything I grabbed into my hand, and finally found to be nothing.When the last me cried helplessly in the water, I knew I was going to die.And at that moment, I thought of a sentence in a work: When fish cry in water, only fish know.I can't help asking myself, I'm crying in the water, does anyone know? For so long, despite all the suffering, I have never wanted to die, no, it should be that I cannot die, because reason tells me that I have no reason to die, there are old and young.However, what I am facing today is not the matter of whether I choose to die or not, but the matter of death choosing me or not choosing me.I thought, maybe after I die, fate will make other arrangements for my father and son.This may be the so-called truth that "the boat will be straight before it reaches the shore".There is nothing in the world that cannot be solved by fate, just like when I am going to die today, my son and father will eventually be arranged by the god of fate. After I was at a loss and shouted for help at first, I finally calmed down.I thought about it, why should I hesitate when fate allows me to be free?Why do you still hang around this miserable life?Is it simply to fulfill those endless obligations?No, I told myself, let me live for myself with my last breath!Let me be selfish in this last minute!Father, son, in the next life, I will redeem my sins in this life again! The gurgling water was poured in with air bubbles without stopping, and my consciousness also flowed away along with the beeping sound.When I think of the dilation of the pupils after death, I feel that the consciousness is also soaking in the water and spreading away with the ripples in circles, and the body has become lighter and lighter after the flow of consciousness is gone, like a soft tree. feathers, bobbing and swimming in the soft water.I think, in the end, whether she was rotted by the water or eaten by the creatures in the water, that is beyond my power.But anyway, I'm finally going, I'm relieved.I told myself that from now on everything would be completely over and everything would start from scratch.At the moment when my consciousness finally dissipated, I once again confessed to myself that if God really has a spirit, if people really have an afterlife, then I will consult about my afterlife in front of God, and I will never live this kind of life again... … However, I was not relieved. Maybe the gods in the dark still couldn't arrange the lives of the father and son. Therefore, when the various voices slowly awakened my consciousness, I found that I had left the dark and cold river and was lying on the bed. In the emergency room of a hospital. The child has flown.The doctor told me blankly, as if he was disgusting me.She said that when you were rescued from the water, you were bleeding, and now you have a high fever, and you need to be hospitalized for observation and treatment.Just now your friend paid you a deposit of 2,000 yuan and left.He said to call your family. I understand the reason for the doctor's indifference. She must have regarded me as a woman who had an affair and got pregnant.In fact, even if the doctor misunderstood that I was having an affair, how different is it from the truth?In any case, my pregnancy this time is not something that can see the sun. Mr. Zhang left. Fortunately, he finally saw the fact that I was pregnant.I think what he said about going to my family is just an excuse to leave.I know we should be done with it this time.What's ridiculous is that this result ended in the form of money again, only "earning" a thousand yuan more than last time.But what if it doesn't end like this?Met by chance, for no reason, what else can I ask of him except money?What can he give me? He said to call my family, who does he know from my family?Who in my family can come?Who can I let know about my current situation?Thinking of this, I quickly looked at my watch, it was already eleven o'clock at night.I had no choice but to call my father and lie that I was away on a business trip and could not go home. It was already late at night, and the outside of the ward became more and more quiet. Except for the intermittent sound of gas coming out of the infusion bottle, everything seemed to be asleep.Lying in my hospital bed, my eyes wide open, I recalled the night's confrontation and my horrific experience in the water.I thought that I would be freed from the suffering, that everything would start all over again, but in the end, nothing changed, I was still me, my life was still my life, and all the suffering in my life was still there.It seems that ending a life of suffering is actually not an easy task.Since life has chosen me again, then I have no reason to give up fulfilling my duties, let alone give up life. Although it is full of hardships, I must go on.I opened my already blurred eyes and told myself that I would continue to hold on. After thinking about it all night, I finally called Yuan Yilin early the next morning. I couldn't care less about my son's objection to my relationship with him.Because I need his help, I need to recover my body quickly and resume the heavy mission that fate has entrusted to me. An hour later, Yuan Yilin rushed into my ward in a hurry. While asking about my condition anxiously, he took out all kinds of food, toiletries, and clothes from different paper bags, and even carefully bought them for me. sanitary products.Ever since I was rescued into the hospital, I wore a hospital gown naked, and the sanitary products I used were temporarily given to me by the doctor.I looked gratefully at the man in front of me who had loved me deeply since I was a teenager, and a complex emotion arose in my heart.I really can't figure out what kind of evil I was in the first place, that I gave up on him just because of a button and a few crazy words. I slowly ate the food he bought for me, and suddenly felt that I had returned to the time more than ten years ago.It was the same scene and the same atmosphere. I was lying in the hospital bed, and he also sat on the head of my bed with big and small bags of food, opening one bag after another for me to choose.I thought about it a little bit, and really wanted to see the blurred face of the boy, but it was too long, and I could hardly see his young eyes and youthful face clearly.I suddenly couldn't eat because something hard was blocking my throat.I saw the expression of the young Yuan Yilin running towards me along the tree-lined road; I also saw his expression of not wanting to part with me on the way home.I also saw the tears in my desperate eyes when I said goodbye to him... He kept asking me about my condition, and when my face was filled with sad tears from the memory, he fell silent.As I remember, he stretched out his broad palm tenderly and began to gently wipe away my tears.How long has it been, more than ten years, I almost forgot how he once cared for me and loved me wholeheartedly... I forgot.I only remember Yu Zhi, I only have Yu Zhi.Unexpectedly, more than ten years later, when I was struggling alone at the bottom of the misery, the last person I could rely on turned out to be him, the person I had betrayed and hurt. Perhaps my constant crying frightened him and made him feel the seriousness of the situation.He stopped trying to comfort me, and asked with a look of panic, what happened?Who bullied you?What happened at home? ... He asked one guess after another, but I kept shaking my head while crying.He finally got impatient, he stretched out his hand to grab my shoulder, and yelled loudly: You should say it briskly, what happened? I couldn't bear to see him being tormented by anxiety any longer, so I could only say in a low voice with a feeling of shame: I am pregnant! When I told this unspeakable truth, I still could only cover up all my embarrassment and pain with silent tears.In addition to the extreme shame, I felt lonely and fear growing like summer grass after the rain.I don't know what he will think of me, how he will treat me from now on.I am afraid that this last friend who is the only one I can rely on now will spurn me and stay away from me.Before I could think about it any further, this majestic man suddenly jumped up, like an angry lion, his eyes wide open. Who is he?He just stood up, then suddenly lowered his head and lifted my shoulder again, pulled me up, and asked loudly, who is he?Where is he?I had nothing to say but shook my head in fear.I don't know if this kind of expression makes him feel that I am not telling him or saying, I don't know.He still shakes me relentlessly, who is he, tell me where is he now? The lower half of the infusion tube suddenly turned red, and the bright red blood was slowly rising up the thin plastic tube.I yelled and lost consciousness. That's how the matter was settled, and the ambiguity passed.When I woke up, Yuan Yilin was staring at my feet in front of my bed with his head down. After three days, the fever subsided.After examination, my physical condition is basically normal.The doctor told me that after a day or two, I can go home after some consolidation.It was a cloudy and rainy day, and I sat on the bed next to the window, looking at the lush flowers and trees in the courtyard through the blurred window pane.Everything looks clean and fresh. In this light rain in early spring, all life is washed softly, showing vitality and attractive emerald green, but the little life that has just sprouted in my belly is going crazy That night, after experiencing a terrifying struggle, he left this world that did not belong to him prematurely. Accompanied by her boyfriend, another young female patient in the ward went out for an examination.Yuan Yilin was laboriously cutting a huge pineapple beside him.Since the impulsive questioning last time, Yuan Yilin wisely stopped asking about my pregnancy.He took good care of all the details of my life and prepared a lot of nutrition for me every day.Occasionally he went out to deal with business matters, and he also went and returned quickly.In the evening, under my persuasion, I often leave very late, and often come back early in the morning.This moved me a lot.Sometimes I really wonder what kind of tender heart this man has in his strong body, and I am really confused whether his meticulous care for me is out of his pity for me or out of his feelings for me.I really can't imagine that after more than ten years of tempering, the original relationship can still survive, or even not diminish. He was still clumsily cutting the pineapple piece by piece. I couldn't bear it, so I took the knife and the lunch box from his hand and began to slice carefully.After a few days of recuperation, especially Yuan Yilin's careful care, I feel that I have slowly come out of the nightmarish experience of that night. The shadow of that underwater death is like a piece of gray cloth soaked in water, which is constantly fading and fade.I know that another catastrophe in my life should end here.Even so, I still can't feel at ease, because I don't have the confidence to take on the heavier and heavier burdens of life in the future, and it's even more difficult to predict whether there will be new accidents in the future, especially the relationship with Yuan Yilin. , Invisibly, I always have a kind of psychological pressure that is difficult to drive away.I don't know if we can stop here?I don't know who besides Yuan Yilin, who else can I rely on to tide over the difficulties? There are people coming and going in the corridor, and through the transparent glass window on the door of the ward, you can always see the silhouettes of various men and women passing by in a hurry.Just when I was about to finish peeling the pineapple, I suddenly felt a dark shadow swaying around in the room. I subconsciously raised my head to wait and see, and saw a familiar face on the glass of the door. My hand holding the knife trembled, and suddenly a drop of bright red blood fell on the pineapple slices, and several slices of pineapple were slowly dyed red.While I was staring at these red blood pineapples, wondering whether this box of pineapples was still edible, Yuan Yilin had already grabbed my hand and put it in his mouth.At this time, the door was suddenly knocked open. Yuan Yilin's angry wife, Liang Fengting, stepped into the middle of the open space in front of the hospital bed. Behind her was a boy who was dragged in by her, my son! Everything in the room suddenly stopped, just like the camera stopped, and my fingers were still in Yuan Yilin's mouth.The sound of the dripping rain on the window panes has become rapid and powerful, and the rain is finally falling heavily.I woke up and took my hand back in panic. Check it out!Yu Chen, this is your mother, that is my husband, what are they doing? I tried to get out of bed, but I found that I had no strength to move my body. I could only watch my son's thin cheeks turn from white to red, from red to yellow, and then into a distorted blue-gray.Yuan Yilin has already stood in the middle of the room, and he is walking towards my son. Liang Fengting was still talking, Yu Chen, do you know what disease your mother has?She is having an abortion! A loud slap on the face, accompanied by a sharp howl, like a silver needle piercing my heart, I felt a fountain of blood was rushing out of my heart.Almost at the same time, I saw Liang Fengting rushing towards me covering her face. I can no longer care about this woman's words and deeds, and all my thoughts are concentrated on my son.Already I was seized with dread from my son's side after this humiliating revelation had been unexpectedly revealed.I was quickly thinking about the impact of this incident on my son, even the blow.I am afraid that my son will look down on me from now on, and I doubt whether my son will recognize me. Perhaps Yuan Yilin's slap irritated this woman even more. She had completely lost her mind, jumped up to me, grabbed my collar, and started shaking me crazily, shouting: Stealing someone's husband, stealing someone to raise a man, and a single woman having an abortion is simply shameless!Shameless! Ah - I heard myself yelling, closing my eyes and covering my ears in horror.She didn't stop the movements of her hands and mouth, she kept shaking me crazily while shouting "shameless", "shameless".I have started to cry in shame. Although the voice in my ears has weakened, the "shameless" voice seems to be increasing, just like the sound of a police siren, stimulating my nerves with sharp screams, shameless, don't Face…… There was a sound of falling to the ground in front of me, and I opened my eyes subconsciously, and saw Liang Fengting was weeping and yelling uglyly, leaning on the ground.Yuan Yilin lifted her up all of a sudden, and growled, "Shut up, or I'll go to the court to sue for divorce now!" She yelled frantically from high to low, and slowly stopped. The domineering just now was like a ball pierced by a needle, and it also softened.My son was still standing in grief and silence, like a rocket waiting to be launched, and I could almost feel the energy contained in it.I have to admit that he is Yu Zhi's son, and his appearance is almost a replica of Yu Zhi. Yuan Yilin turned around and walked to Chenchen's side, put his hand on his shoulder, and said in a low voice, Chenchen, I'm sorry, your mother is sick, but it's not like what she said.Seeing the confrontation between the two men, the old and the young, I was suddenly very worried. I almost put my heart in my throat. I didn't know how this silent and assertive son would react. Seeing that Chenchen didn't react violently, Yuan Yilin wanted to further ease the atmosphere.However, just as he opened his mouth again and hadn't uttered a word, Chenchen suddenly punched Yuan Yilin in the chest. Yuan Yilin was unprepared and staggered back to the wall.Chenchen followed closely, walked up, pressed her face in front of Yuan Yilin, gritted her teeth and said: I'm warning you, Yuan Yilin, don't meddle in my family's affairs from now on, otherwise, I won't be polite! We were all taken aback by Chenchen's adult performance.I straightened up, thinking of what he would say to me, but he suddenly turned to me and walked over, holding me down as I was about to get up, and said: Tell me, is what she just said true or false? Facing my son's problem, I was unprepared and became at a loss for a while.After the flustered mind, I only felt a strong hatred rising from my chest. I hated Liang Fengting to the core, this crazy woman. It was she who pulled my son into such a cruel reality. , When I was most helpless, I brought in the person who shouldn't have seen this matter—my son.I swear, one day I will avenge my shame and seek back my dignity as a human being and my dignity as a mother from this woman. you answer me!The son still looked indifferent, and he didn't even want to call me "Mom", but asked me seriously. The sound of the rain outside was still rapidly knocking on the window glass, and I also began to search for a suitable answer in my heart.I told myself that no matter what, I couldn't let my son know.Because this is no longer a question of honesty and dishonesty, but a question of whether my privacy needs to be known to people who shouldn't know it.I think this reason is enough to give me a reason to lie.So, I tried my best to put on a condescending look and said: She is talking nonsense. The son believed it, although his face was expressionless.No matter whether he really believed it or pretended to believe it, I think that is the answer he would most like to hear, or most willing to believe.In fact, people, this kind of emotional animal, are very fragile. There are some things that need to be deceived. To deceive oneself and others, there is no harm to oneself or others. That being the case, I also want to send you a word, we can walk our own way.I hope you, like all laid-off women workers, have self-esteem, self-love, and self-improvement. After saying these few words, he didn't even look at us, turned around and walked towards the door with a frosty face.At the door, he cast a final sentence with his back: Otherwise, I'd rather not have a mother! In the afternoon of the next day, Yuan Yilin had already completed the discharge procedures for me.After packing up my things, I turned on my cell phone and called my father, telling him that I was going home today.I know my son won't tell him the truth about me.Sure enough, when my father heard that I was going home, he happily told me to be careful of thieves in the car, take care to take all my bags when I got off the car, and so on. After hanging up the phone, I noticed that the time displayed on the phone was 3:40.There is still a battery in the phone, I thought, just leave the phone on, it can be charged at night anyway.What if there is information returned in the second batch of plans and I can’t be found? I had just put on the baggy trench coat I was wearing when I fell into the water that night, and my cell phone had a call.I was shocked, is it true that some manufacturers are interested in my lobbying? I took out the phone excitedly, and when I saw the number clearly, I couldn't help but turn pale with shock.Yuan Yilin was standing beside me, holding two full paper bags, and looked at me suspiciously.I hesitated looking at the string of annoying Arabic numerals on the phone display, not knowing whether to answer or not. What happened to you?Yuan Yilin came over and asked me, why didn't you answer the phone?Whose? I, I... After being reminded by Yuan Yilin, I realized that I had lost my composure, so I gritted my teeth and pressed the OK button.A deep baritone came over: Sorry!I've been calling you on the phone.I'm Zhang Cheh, I want to see you! A complex emotion rose in my heart, I didn't know whether it was sadness or hatred.I always thought we were done, with that crazy night and the smell of two thousand dollars.Who would have thought that when the life connecting the two of us completely disappeared from this world, he would appear like a devil.I suppressed my disgust and said coldly, I'm sorry, I'm going to be discharged from the hospital soon, so you don't need to come. But, I'm already here, just downstairs.His voice faltered a bit. I don't know what else he needs to come over, or what else needs to be met, so I can only say coldly, what's the matter? That's it, I brought the company's information and the contract you gave me back then.I have signed it.As long as you give me the account number of the unit, I can transfer the money in a short time. I know you need work and money... In this way, we met again.I can't tell if I am a woman who can't stand the temptation of money, and I even doubt if I have no ambition and no self-esteem.After experiencing the hardships of life wave after wave, I only know that almost all my difficulties are caused by poverty.As the saying goes, money is not everything, but without money, nothing is impossible.In these two years of life experience, what I have deeply experienced is that without money, I have no sense of security. Without money, I can hardly even maintain the vanity and dignity of being a human being.Therefore, I saw him and got back the part of the money that I should get, not only should, but also reasonable.What's more, it was the result of my hard work and energy, and even my dignity.I'm not someone who sells my dignity for money, but for the life of my father and my son, I can't stop making money just for the so-called dignity.This is what separates me from the fallen. I went downstairs, out of the hall, and caught sight of him standing in a corner under the steps.What shocked me was that he was holding a bouquet of beautiful flowers! I stood there in a daze, standing beside Yuan Yilin, watching him walking quickly with his round belly.There was a light scent of flowers, just as the bouquet of flowers in his arms trembled, blowing silently towards his face. He handed over the flowers, and when he saw the gloomy face of Yuan Yilin standing beside me, his expression became even more embarrassing.He looked at me in embarrassment, then at Yuan Yilin, opened his mouth and said nothing.I regained my composure, turned my head and said to Yuan Yilin who had a livid face, start the car first! Yuan Yilin hesitated for a few seconds, then snatched the flowers from me suddenly, walked to the trash can next to him in two steps, and threw them in casually.A milky white flower petal is sticking out its clean head aggrievedly from the trash can with its mouth open.Yuan Yilin didn't even look at it, but just walked towards the parking lot with big strides.For some reason, that petal made me feel very sorry.I suddenly felt like a flower that fell into a trash can. Even if it was no longer a flower, it was at least a once proud grass. Although my heart was clean, it was already stained with filth. Zhang Che's face turned white and red, and he frantically took out a stack of documents in a blue folder and the contract I was familiar with from the bag under his arm. Five minutes later, I sat back in Yuan Yilin's car.Sitting in the passenger seat, I carefully observed the silent Yuan Yilin.From the frost on his face, I knew what was going to happen between us.The car was accelerating, passed through the courtyard, crossed the passing sidewalk, did not drive into the wide express lane, but turned and drove into a large construction site that was under construction.There is a huge and beautiful exhibition board, which vividly depicts the beautiful scenery of the future of the community, and also conceals the messy scene of construction behind it.Before I could react, the car suddenly stopped. The tense atmosphere in the car escalated rapidly, and I turned my head, thinking about the next countermeasures. Is he that man?袁一林发话了，眼睛仍然望着前方，低沉的声音中，似乎正蕴藏着一团烈焰，随时有可能将我们的周围的一切，包括我们燃成灰烬。 我不知如何作答，低着头，没有吱声。 说啊？他是不是那家伙？ 我感到身体里的羞耻正如夏日的暴雨顷盆而至，带着有力的冲击，打得我不知所措，更不知如何作答。 或许他对我的沉默感到了愤怒，他突然将脸扭过来，一把抓住我的肩膀，大声吼叫着，说啊，他来干什么？恭祝你出院？ 我被他扳得直直的，不得不注视着他喷着怒火的眼睛。我想解释，但又不知如何解释清楚。或许是心慌意乱的原因，我竟然将手里那摞材料和合同书一下子掉在了脚下。而那份合同书正好掉在最显眼的地方，上面“合同”两个大字像两只黑白分明的大眼睛，正坦然地大睁着。 他一下子放开了我，迅速捡起合同书，翻看了两眼。我本想抢过来的，可是，我发现自己已经没有抢夺的胆量和能力了。一分钟后，他恶狠狠地将那几页纸团成一个白色的球，向我猛掷过来，然后再次揪住我的衣领，圆睁着双眼，喝问着： 仅仅为了这个，就出卖自己？Yes or no? 我张口结舌，不知作如何辩解。他的提醒，像一把尖锐的钥匙，迅速将我记忆里有关那些事情的大门打开了。几乎同时，那两个疯狂的夜晚里发生的所有事件，一下子被记忆唤至眼前：和于致在楼上的撕打，和张彻在河边的冲突，水下绝望的恐惧……我再一次陷入无边无际的耻辱和恐惧中。 他还在疯狂地揪扯着我。有一个工头模样的人好奇地走过我们的车前，伸长着脖子向车里看，我像刚刚清醒过来一样，全力摇晃着身子，从他手里挣脱出来。然后，一边深深地隐藏起耻辱，一边冷漠地说： 这是我个人的事情，你没有权力过问！ 我捡起那个白色纸，麻利地打开车门，钻了出来。