Chapter 17 Chapter Sixteen

The family has returned to the original family happiness, but I have entered a new field of work.I didn't go back to the provincial capital again, because the Business Daily set the direction for me to develop business in the city where I was located, based on the interests of the newspaper and myself.In this way, I can not only save the expenses in the provincial capital, but also take care of my family, especially I can use the acquaintances here to start business faster. For me, although it is a very difficult and unfamiliar job, I am passionate about this new challenge in the face of good profits.The next day, I entered the library early in the morning with new hope, and spent a whole day recording most of the business and business information in the city.That night, after careful screening, I preliminarily selected a few of them as the first batch of development targets. I even made a list of acquaintances who might help me, hoping to help me with preliminary matchmaking and bridge building.Among them, Yuan Yilin was listed at the top of the list, because with his extensive social connections, he would definitely be able to help me open the situation.

Before I could contact Yuan Yilin, Yuan Yilin called first.The moment my son picked up the phone, I don't know why I suddenly had a thought in my heart, I hope it is Yuan Yilin.Next, my son's indifferent voice immediately confirmed my guess.I happily walked to the phone, ready to answer it, but my son hung up the phone after saying "she's not here". I stood behind my son, looked at his turned face, and couldn't help becoming annoyed: Why did you do this? My son walked around me, shrugged his thin shoulders, said from behind that I hate him, and then walked into his room.

I looked helplessly at his closed door and the photo of Platini Jr. on the door, then turned to pick up the phone. Fifteen minutes later, I got into Yuan Yilin's car downstairs.Yuan Yilin didn't say anything, but drove away from my dormitory building quickly, as if afraid of his son chasing him.A few minutes later, the car crossed a wide road and stopped in front of a closed bank building in a sea of ​​flashing neon lights.Yuan Yi and Lin Yiyi's shining eyes were fixed on my face.He said anxiously: After I came back from the south, I went to your bookstore to look for you, and found that the staff had been replaced.I called your mobile phone, it was shut down, and I called your home, but Chenchen refused to talk to me.What the hell happened?

The thing has passed, and I don't want to recall that horrible and sad past anymore.Restraining the pain in my stomach, I said lightly that the bookstore was closed down and I was laid off.Although I tried my best to put on a calm demeanor, after finishing these two sentences, I found that my emotional tears of sadness still flowed out involuntarily.Since the accident in the bookstore and I was laid off, except for my son, almost no one has given me real comfort, and no one has even given me real care.So when Yuan Yilin expressed concern and anxiety for the first time, I was still moved.A black Audi car passed by slowly in front of the square, and two incandescent lights looked into our car curiously like two huge eyes.I quickly wiped away my tears and heard him say, what's going on, did someone do it?

This sentence reminded me all of a sudden, and I decided in my heart that I must find out the reason behind this incident. At nearly eleven o'clock in the evening, I returned home.As soon as I entered the door, I found my son sitting on the sofa in the living room, obviously waiting for me.Judging from the gloomy look on his face, we may have another conflict over Yuan Yilin. Mom, you are with Yuan Yilin, aren't you? I didn't want to answer him directly, but just wanted to tell him my difficulties, so as to get his understanding of my temporary relationship with Yuan Yilin. Son, you don’t understand, my current job requires acquaintances and extensive social relationships... I was just halfway through, and he suddenly interrupted me and said, Mom, I know your difficulties, but without him, I believe you can still do it well done.

Maybe, but at the beginning, I need pointers and advice, after all, he is well-informed.Then, I went to my son, squatted down in front of him, stared into his angry eyes, comforted him and said: Don't you know mom?Mom is so old, what can she do? Mom, the son stood up impatiently and said loudly, but Yuan Yilin didn't think so, you know?When you ask him for help, you just give him a chance, you know that?Since there is nothing, why do you have to leave something for others?Why do you have to give people an excuse?Do you want to know what his daughter said about you?Do you want to know how his wife scolded you?You have to make me feel ashamed in front of my classmates? ...

My son stopped accusing him suddenly, and looked behind me with fearful eyes over my shoulder.Following my son's gaze, I turned around and saw my father, who was only wearing long johns, standing at the junction of the living room and bedroom, watching us silently.The bright light on the ceiling of the living room shone on my father's aging face, and I could read the hidden pain and sourness in the wrinkles on his face. The debate ended abruptly.I don’t know whether it was the son’s fierce protest that played a role, or the sadness on the old father’s face touched my heart. I made up my mind not to hurt my son’s growing male vanity and self-esteem, nor let my sick father do anything for me. Things to worry about a little more.

A few days later, I have already started preliminary contact and dealing with several merchants in the plan.In the rush of running and the extreme desire for benefits, the gray psychology of being laid off was slowly left in the distance by the busy steps.In the increasingly warm spring breeze, after abandoning the heavy psychological burden, I feel more like a high-speed machine, always waiting and looking forward to huge profits, like the golden wheat grains in the wheat harvest season with the roar of the harvester Come and go.In this way, I can use facts and money to prove to those who laugh at me that being laid off not only did not destroy me, but created my new life.

Just like the most beautiful scenery is always at the top of the mountain, it is not easy to obtain such a high profit return.After negotiating and dealing with many companies for many times, I found that the hope of earning money is getting more and more elusive, just like looking at the endless mountains and seeing the distant landscape because I have more energy than I want, and I am sighing endlessly. At the same time, I found that the piles of money were drifting farther and farther.Half a month later, three of the first batch of merchants clearly rejected my lobbying, and the other two also delayed and declined almost in a vague tone.By this time, only one of the more famous beverage factories had made modest progress.But this kind of progress was temporarily obtained under the promise of having several banquets with the chief of the publicity department and guaranteeing the situation of profit sharing.We agreed that as long as the matter is completed, I will give the section chief 3,000 yuan. In exchange, the section chief will help me take down the boss who is in charge of propaganda.

Things turned out to be so complicated, no wonder the commission was so high.After going through these days of running around, I realized that in order to obtain such a high income, I must climb a mountain that ordinary people do not have the courage to climb. This is the so-called principle of high risk and high profit.Car money and meal money are kept piling up every day, self-esteem and vanity are damaged anytime and anywhere, and the commission full of temptation is still like the sun hanging high in summer. see clearly.The desire for money and the expectation of winning the first battle made my thirsty heart feel restless and restless day by day.The first time I went into battle, I was like a seedling that just broke out of the ground in early spring. If there is no sunlight and rain and dew, I may die quickly.Day by day, I waited weakly and helplessly for the progress of the matter, and counted the remaining savings day by day in frustration and pitifully.Finally on a Friday afternoon, I received a call from the Chief of the Propaganda Section.

He told me that at the Garden Hotel in the evening, he had already made an appointment with Vice President Zhang, and he asked me to arrive early and have a good drink with him in the evening.As long as he is happy, things will be done. After hearing his agreement, I was almost overwhelmed with gratitude. The matter has finally reached a critical stage. As long as this move is done well, the income of thousands of dollars will immediately fall into my pocket. Months of expensive medicines can be taken home quickly.As soon as this idea appeared, I almost felt the pleasure of counting money with my fingers, as a strong heat flow was transmitted to the whole body through the nerves. In the face of the upcoming successful challenge, I felt that I was already beating rapidly like a fully wound alarm clock Amidst the sound of machinery waiting, waiting for the arrival of the last moment. It is a dusk when the feeling of spring is getting stronger and the fragrance of flowers is overwhelming.Big white clouds, as the setting sun sets in the west, pass across the sky, and wisps of spring breeze are drifting silently from the half-opened windows.With a flying heart, I stood in front of the mirror, trying on clothes and changing hairstyles over and over again.After an hour of deliberate modification, I stepped out of the house contentedly. The night has fallen, and the city is like a beautiful girl, exuding charming brilliance in all spaces with invisible charm.I was in the taxi, enjoying the romance and warmth brought by the spring night, imagining the upcoming challenges and successes.An hour later, I had already walked into the veritable garden hotel, and started the most critical transaction in the first round of my marketing career.I am determined to win!I firmly believe that this battle will be won! This is the fourth time I have dealt with Vice President Zhang.This fifty-year-old business veteran not only has a shrewd mind, but also an eloquence that can stir up changes.The first time I broke into his office as a reporter, he answered the interview in only five short sentences, and I hardly had time to state my real intentions, so I found myself already out of his room. walked out.The second time I entered his office, after he politely listened to my plan, I ended the interview again with only seven sentences "convinced".And the third time, I paid for a friend who had been with me at work to come forward and treat this old guy to a potluck.Because this friend of mine has a good relationship with this boss.This time, Mr. Zhang and I finally got to know each other better, and our relationship has improved a lot.This fourth time, when I memorized the words I prepared in advance and was about to attack first, I found out that the shrewd Mr. Zhang made a few jokes, and my opening remarks were invalidated. He said that today we only drink and don't talk about things that have nothing to do with alcohol. I smiled bitterly and swallowed the wine in my hand. After three glasses of wine, Vice President Zhang on the opposite side has already relaxed his nerves, and my already hot face is also turning slightly red.I suddenly wanted to laugh: People can be smart, shrewd, super smart, super shrewd, but as long as they have one thing, it will be much easier.That is, as long as there is a weakness.As the publicity chief said, it seems that as long as this boss drinks good wine, our success will be much easier.After all, our success isn't bad for him, nor is it bad for his business.Therefore, a smart boss can get drunk as much as he wants, and relax once. While giving himself happiness, he also helps others, killing two birds with one stone, why not do it? We drank more and more wine, and the atmosphere became more and more lively. I don't know when we started to tell jokes to each other, and occasionally told some half-meat and half-vegetarian jokes, which made the atmosphere on the wine table more casual.Thanks also to my half-aged mistress, I don’t need to put on airs, nor do I need to be condescending. I just pretend that I don’t understand or don’t understand, which can make them happier and more relaxed.The second bottle of wine was running low, and I felt my face burn.I finally caught a chance, left my seat, and wandered to the bathroom.Next, I was really taken aback by the appearance in the mirror: my pale face in the past seemed to have been dyed with rouge, and it looked healthy and plump, with a unique mature style.Only the desire to succeed that cannot be concealed in my emotions makes me look stupid.When a man suddenly walked in at the door and looked at me in the mirror.I had no choice but to lower my head and scoop up a handful of water with my hand, and gently splash it on my face. A burst of translucent freshness spread throughout my body, and for some reason I felt my eyes becoming moist.I looked up and looked in the mirror again.I found the man standing next to me.The head of the publicity section handed me a pack of medicine: Is it almost impossible to hold on?drink it up!Protect the liver and relieve alcohol. Sitting down again, Vice President Zhang also showed a bold and magnanimous demeanor under the influence of alcohol.After the bottom of the two bottles of wine, he finally held his half glass of wine and confessed to me with a smile on his face: In fact, the first time you stepped into my office, I guessed your purpose.It's almost a daily routine for me to receive sponsors like you.However, your luck is not bad, because our benefits this year are indeed good, and your publicity is also a better way to showcase our company.I didn't completely reject you... His generosity was beyond my expectation.Although I corrected him to say that "sponsorship" should be "propaganda", I was pleased with his sincerity.At around nine o'clock, we finally finished the drink and meal, which was already unbearable for me.Under their signal of "ladies first", I stepped out of the elegant room lightly. Although I tried my best, I could no longer maintain an elegant walking posture. Things went so well that my happy heart could no longer control myself.Walking side by side with the vice president through the gorgeously decorated corridor, I kept showing him my increasingly high level of flattery in a passionate voice. If this is a good start, then my financial luck may be like a happy train, driving me into a beautiful garden full of money.However, fate seems to never let you see through it at a glance. It always throws you weird stumbling blocks in unexpected corners.If your concentration is good, if your defense ability is strong, if you are able to deal with unexpected sudden events rationally and calmly, you may avoid many disasters on the road of life.But I do not have such ability.Because the backlog of emotions in my heart is too heavy, because there are too many shadows carved in my heart, I can't rationally face the complex in my heart. This may be my fate. The vice president and I were still happily descending the stairs side by side, with the publicity chief and the driver following behind us.I hardly know what they're talking about behind the scenes, and don't care what they're saying.All my thoughts were on Mr. Zhang, and in the excitement of his eloquent talk about his glorious entrepreneurial history, I made a pathetic and shameful admiration.Just as I was doing my best to express my admiration and appreciation for his courage, I suddenly saw a familiar face staring at me among the sparse diners sitting in the lobby downstairs.I stumbled suddenly, and Yu Zhi and I were looking at each other! I forgot how I walked out of the hall, and I only remember Mr. Zhang’s thick baritone voice kept talking about his brilliant entrepreneurial history, and I was excited to put on this “big benefactor” with words such as “smart” and “brave”. , the hat of "courageous", I still remember that there was a beautiful pregnant woman sitting next to Yu Zhi, and a young girl next to them was gesticulating and talking about something... The wind blows my windbreaker back, blows my hair flying behind my head, blows on my cheeks, and blows on my bare neck.I felt that a powerful big hand was quietly growing out of the wind, reaching into my open collar and grabbing my heart.When the driver's car drove over, I found that there were cold tears on my face. Yu Zhi's woman is pregnant! They have a baby!Chenchen is no longer his only child.When this idea suddenly entered my mind, I felt infinite jealousy for my son and extreme hatred for my loss.I don't know where the power came from, which made me suddenly become surprisingly strong.I wiped away the tears with one hand, turned around, stared at the vice president and section chief in front of me and said: How about I treat you to supper and continue drinking? I forgot what the head of the publicity department said. I just remembered that the vice president rushed forward with his arms, turned his face excitedly, and said loudly in the wind: Good! When we sat back in the hall, I found that the section chief was not following us.The final result was that, directly opposite Yuzhi, separated by a square table, the table between me and the vice president and theirs was like two open rings, and my extremely inflated hatred was igniting the flames. Yu Zhi and I are facing each other face to face! Waiter, get the wine!Alcoholic!I felt that I was losing my mind in the burning of hatred, like some heroines in the martial arts scene, expressing my inner anger cynically and with a bold attitude.Yu Zhi was still taking the trouble to sandwich various dishes for his wife, which made me unbearable.I even sadly thought of the thoughtfulness and care of the poor Yu Zhi when he was pregnant and used his own book purchase funds to buy back nutritional supplements for me in order to nourish my body.I thought that after so many vicissitudes, I would slowly wear away the imprint this man left on me, just like time can erode all imprints.However, to this day, I found that the imprint in my heart still exists as before.I have to admit that even after a few years, ten years or even decades, the man who carved his mark on my life may never die.That being the case, let me how to bear this stimulation.I can't bear it, I told myself, I want to revenge him, revenge in my own way! Next, in front of him, with the power of alcohol, I began to show my shameless coquettishness and seductiveness uncharacteristically.I took out the expression of a coquettish woman that I occasionally saw in the movies, winking and coquettishly telling a joke to Mr. Zhang: After the men finished drinking, they went to the karaoke hall to find the lady.A deputy director asked the lady he called, are you a virgin?The lady said that those who work in our industry are unwilling to admit that they are not virgins, but no one else believes that they are virgins.The deputy director was very surprised, so he asked, how do you answer?The lady hesitated and said, we generally say that we are deputy directors... Vice President Zhang spit out the wine and grinned unreservedly.Under the provocation of this non-vegetarian joke, Mr. Zhang's mood rose rapidly, his eyes were bright and his spirit was high, and he wanted to guess a riddle for me: The female giant and the male giant fall in love and play three kinds of food. I guessed and guessed, but I couldn't figure it out.He couldn't help reminding me: two are commonly used breakfast foods, one is a staple food and the other is a drink.The other is that children often drink it mixed with milk. I figured it out, and when I said the three foods of milk, cake and Golego, I understood the meaning, and my face turned red to the base of my neck. As much as I've been trying to figure it out, I'm a little embarrassed by the meaning of the riddle.In order to change the subject and keep Mr. Zhang from disappointing for the time being, I looked at him with seductive eyes and said loudly, do you know why I don't want to go home? He laughed, isn't it because he likes me? I... I paused for a moment, cast a coquettish look, and said in a retreat: How dare I?You're the boss and I'm just an old ugly woman. Who said that to you?That is without quality.I don't think so.He suddenly said mysteriously, I think a woman like you is the most mature and attractive period. Hey, I pretended to sigh sadly, and said loudly, it's a pity that you are not my husband, nor my lover.I don't know if Yu Zhi heard what I said, I only saw his disgusted glance at me. He suddenly laughed, that was just the past... I interrupted him, brushed the hair at the back of my head, and said with a flattering attitude, the future is uncertain, right? That's right!As long as we work hard, there is nothing impossible, just like your work task today.right? I was about to continue flirting and inciting the old guy opposite, when I suddenly saw Yu Zhi turning around to greet the waiter.I realized they were leaving.Sitting there, I forgot Mr. Zhang who was opposite me for a moment.I was turning my head quickly, looking for a solution.I don't know if I want to fight him, or I want to compete with him, I just let my crazy emotions flow around like running water.Next, I quickly took out two hundred yuan from my bag, held it up high, and shouted at the waiter, waiter, we have to pay. The waiter walked around Zhizhi's table and came to my table first. Regardless of the expression of the vice president opposite, I paid the bill quickly.After we stood up and put on our coats, I suddenly walked up to Mr. Zhang, took his arm, and walked past Yu Zhi's table in an intimate manner.At this moment, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Yu Zhi staring at me in a daze. I gently leaned my body half against Mr. Zhang, and said, I don't want to go home yet, can you accompany me? Of course, as long as you want, I can always be with you.Mr. Zhang immediately expressed his love for me, where do you think we are going? I want to play chess with you until dawn!I squinted my slightly drunk eyes and said. Great, let's go upstairs to the tea room... At this time, we had already left Yu Zhi's table and headed for the stairs.The lights in the hall slowly dimmed at the stairway, and my anger and vindictiveness also grew annoyed and frustrated because I didn't get a satisfactory response.He can be angry and scold me, but his indifference shows that he has regarded me as a passerby.This added unspeakable despair to my hatred out of thin air.Although the alcohol made my consciousness confused, I still felt overwhelmed by Yu Zhi's lack of cooperation. Mr. Zhang did not pursue my emotional changes and weird actions. I think the shrewd man may be hard to distinguish because he drank too much, or he may regard me as the kind of woman who is hungry because of loneliness. Become a woman who achieves her goal and sacrifices her life.He was still lucky enough to say a pornographic joke: There was an old bachelor in Shandong, and he was a real old bachelor. When he was dying, his relatives asked him what regrets he had.Unexpectedly, he let out a long sigh and said the name of an internationally famous dramatist.Do you know which one? This topic really made me jump out of the emotion just now.I named several dramatists in succession, such as Ibsen, Dumas, Dumas, Cao Yu, etc. When I finally followed his prompt that Juliet was the protagonist of his play, I said "Shakespeare". He laughed sinisterly, and at the same time I understood the meaning of the words and felt extremely ashamed, I heard a sudden roar from behind: "Who--women!" Almost at the same time, a man rushed up and blocked us at the corner of the corridor.Before we could tell who the man in front of us was, I heard two crisp "cracking" sounds hitting both of our cheeks. Yu Zhizheng stood in front of him with his angry face twisted.He's finally here!I suddenly want to laugh. There was a sticky thing flowing out of my nasal cavity. I wiped it with my hand and saw blood on my hand.Mr. Zhang was staring at everything in front of him dumbfounded, as if he hadn't come out of the pornographic joke just now.I opened my mouth, and suddenly found that the cheeks seemed to be misaligned, and it was difficult to align them.I opened my mouth again, and the upper and lower molars on one side of the burning and painful cheek were still out of alignment.I think my face must be crooked.This reminded me of the patient whose eyes and mouth became distorted due to a stroke, and remembered the ridiculous appearance, so I couldn't help laughing. He rushed towards me again, raised his broad palm, and slashed towards my other cheek.Instead of flinching, I stare, eyes wide and chest out, at the big hand that has touched my face, my body, and even my soul, smiling into my face.A second later, accompanied by a dizzy 180-degree turn, my left cheek burned as if it had just been soaked in chili water. I finally cried.With tears all over my face, I think of the days without him, my suffering, my struggle, my humiliation, my self-esteem... I think of him, but in these days, he took care of another beautiful woman with peace of mind. scene.I became sober all of a sudden, the reason why I took revenge on him with my depravity showed that I still couldn’t let him go, and the reason why he couldn’t tolerate my depravity showed that he still cared about me.That being the case, why did you leave me in the first place, why?Why? I felt the rage swirling out of my body, out of my throat like a whirlwind.With this crazy rage, I howled like a pig being slaughtered and rushed towards him.For so many days, I have kept my thoughts of him in my heart and suppressed my hatred for him. I have never released my emotions to him, told him about my difficulties, let alone vented my anger.And tonight, when he rushed over with his fists raised again, I almost rushed towards him with the determination to die with him... The two gusts of wind met in an unventilated corner, forming a circle of fast and terrifying whirlwinds, and the two surging undercurrents collided underwater, forming a powerful vortex.What kind of stalemate and twisted state are we two enemies with complex emotions for each other fighting in such a dark night? How long we fought, I can't tell, and I didn't see who pulled me away.I can't even remember how the fight ended.I just remember that when I stood in the dark stairs with disheveled hair, wiped the blood from my face, and stopped howling, I saw the surprised, happy, indifferent, or contemptuous faces of the crowd around me.I still remember how Yu Zhi, whose face was covered in blood, gave me hateful looks when several security guards dragged and dragged Yu Zhilian away. That night, in a state of confusion, I went to the bar with Mr. Zhang again.I don't know how I got to drink again, nor can I remember how much I drank.I just remember that in the end, I followed this man to a strange place in a daze, as if sleeping on a strange bed.In the middle of the night, I seemed to hear the faint sound of rain coming from outside the window. I lay my pillow on the sound of the rain, and seemed to be floating on a cloud that was about to fall.The cloud was becoming thinner and thinner, drifting across a black deserted wasteland, across a churning sea, and then into a towering forest.At this time, I was terrified to see that the dense treetops had cut through the clouds below me, and they were cutting the cloud I was living in like cutting vegetables, small pieces of scattered clouds, like fallen leaves in the forest , floating in all directions at high altitude.Finally, full of despair, I landed on a thick layer of fallen leaves. A little red flashed a weak and eye-catching light in the gaps of the fallen leaves. I pushed aside the fallen leaves and saw the red button that Yu gave to me at the beginning like a red gemstone lying silently under the leaf.When I picked it up, I found that Yu Zhi was standing in front of me at some time... He silently touched my face, my hair, my eyes and lips with his wide and fat palms... I was bleeding With tears all over his face, he called his name over and over again, Yu Zhi, Yu Zhi, Yu Zhi... The wind picked up, and the dry fallen leaves all over the ground were spinning and flying like falling flowers.I felt so cold, I grabbed a lot of fallen leaves and covered my body, while looking through the gaps of fallen leaves, I looked at Yu Zhi's painful face and the tears that were flowing on it.I said, Yu Zhi, you also shed tears, you feel sorry for me, right?You still love me, right?you love me, don't you? He didn't speak, just randomly grabbed a fallen leaf that floated in front of his face, held it up in front of my face, and gently covered my face.The moment my face was covered, I realized that the leaf was so big that it even covered my face tightly.Finally, I heard his faint words above my head, he said, I love you, yes... When the leaf was lifted, there was no sign of him except for the fallen leaves dancing in front of him. I woke up with a strange noise and found myself in a luxurious bedroom.A pair of thick dark green curtains hung in front of him, and a slight warm wind was blowing slightly from a certain corner, making the low curtains look like a lightly rippling lake, slowly easing in the dark room. Slow flow.Just as I was looking at the calm dark green lake in doubt, trying to think about whether what happened before me was a dream or a reality, suddenly there was a loud snoring rushing straight from my side without any scruples, and I realized that I just now It was the sound that woke me up.Shocked and frightened, I turned my head in panic, and was immediately stunned: behind me, there was a fat man leaning over the soft bed, snoring earth-shatteringly.His upper body was half-naked, and his white and fat back was like thick pork with skin on a butcher's chopping board, glowing bluish white. I woke up completely, and quickly reached into the quilt to touch my body.By the time my hand rested on my bare leg at last, I had come to a conclusion: Too little clothes to wear! what!I couldn't help screaming in fear, I thought of everything, Yu Zhi, Yu Zhi's pregnant wife, Mr. Zhang's pornographic jokes, my fight with Yu Zhi... I also remembered the lingering dream with Yu Zhi ... No, that's not a dream.It's just that the person in the dream is not Yu Zhi, but this fat man.When I realized that what happened in the middle of the night was a real thing, I felt unparalleled shame and became angry in this extreme shame.I glared at the disgraceful man next to me, almost wanting to kill him. The man seemed to sense my emotions, he suddenly turned over and turned his fat face to me.I saw his tiny eyes blink a few times but he didn't wake up, he just let out another heavy snoring and returned to his dream.With the sound of the snoring falling, I almost had no time to think about it, and grabbed his fat neck with both hands. I gritted my teeth and yelled at him, why are you doing this to me?I am a woman from a good family, a woman with seniors and juniors, why do you do this? He woke up, his fat body writhing around with difficulty breathing.When I tried again, I was overturned on the bed under his struggle. Stinky woman!He suddenly grabbed my hair with one hand, and swung the other hand to fan my face.Then I heard his thunderous roar piercing through the dark room and exploding in the sky: You still have the face to ask, don't you look at your virtue.A woman like you, if you don't seduce me, I don't even have the desire to touch you, do you understand? He grabbed my hair, pulled my head off the bed, and pulled it in front of his face. He said in a low voice, viciously: Do you understand?do you understand? I do not understand!I endured great pain and protested loudly: I hate you, I hate all your men!Hearing my resistance, he pulled my hair harder, but I didn't give in, instead I looked at him with wide-open eyes.I saw blood streaks in the protruding little fish eyes under his drooping eyelids, like a dead bird that had just been skinned, horrifying. I desperately covered my hair with my hands, struggling to break free from his grasp.However, not only did he not relax, but he rode his half-naked body on me at once, and immediately the hill-like white body full of fat and deep grooves piled up ugly in front of my eyes.This sudden scene not only made me extremely sick, but also caused my hatred to explode and escalate rapidly like a sounding bomb.I felt like a mad panther cursing wildly while slapping him loudly in the face and body at the same time. He fell off, kicked frantically and unexpectedly by me, and kicked him under the bed.I picked up something like a sheet, covered myself, rushed out of the bedroom, and rushed into the bathroom. I knelt down in front of the entire glass wall as if being sucked out, and cried loudly.I've failed so badly, so badly.I, a woman on my way to my 40s, the mother of a growing son, sold my body and soul for a pitiful profit like some prostitutes.This makes me how to explain to my son, how to explain to my traditional father, and how to explain to my own conscience. The woman in the mirror is getting old, her tear-soaked eyes still haven’t covered the looming fine lines at the corners of her eyes, even the luster of her flesh is fading, why should I do this?I asked myself viciously, what have I done?What's wrong with me?How can I live so meanly?Why do you want to be so cheap? I hate myself, I wish this filthy body would disappear as soon as I cursed.However, hope is just hope, and that body still shamelessly displays shame and depravity in the mirror.I looked at her angrily, and suddenly stretched out my hand to hit my head, my face, my chest... I don't know how long it took, but my tears finally dried up.Like a soulless zombie, I finally stood up slowly and walked out.When I finally left the mirror, I turned around and found a strand of hair stuck to the wall under the glass, like a black line drawn inadvertently, crawling uncoordinatedly under the clean glass wall. 张总已经离开了，卧室里刚才零乱的景象还保留着原来的样子。我不知道这个男人是在怎样的一副心境下离开的。当我伤楚地找到衣服穿好时，我看见在我睡觉的一侧床头柜上放着一张纸条： 如果伤害了你，这是一千块钱，我希望到此为止，两不相欠。 我再次愤怒起来，一千块钱，这是我给自己卖的价钱？也是我卖掉自己的证明？我一把撕烂纸条，撕烂薄薄的几张纸币，然后抛向空中，拿起包冲出房间。 我已经没有自尊了，我不得不承认，已经堕落的女人是谈不上什么廉耻心的，而因为贫穷所失去的尊严也是难以捡回的。当我冲下楼梯，奔向大厅时，我突然意识到我再次面临的困难：我第一批计划中唯一可能成功的希望，再次像一只美丽的肥皂泡，虽然坚持的时间长些，却仍然没有避免破灭的噩运。而用这笔钱购买父亲下月药的希望，也在这一瞬间变成水里一个大大的圆月了。当这个念头突然跳进脑海，我顿时停下飞奔的脚步，然后扭身回头，咬牙叫上服务小姐重开了那个房间。 房间里仍是幽深的寂静，墨绿色的湖面似乎还轻荡着刚才的风波。我蹲在柔软的地毯上，从各个角落一张张捡拾着那些让我痛恨、让我着迷、让我难以舍弃，却又让我无可奈何的纸币碎片。当最后半张百元纸片儿，被我从沙发缝隙里弯腰收起后，我蹲在沙发前开始细心地将它们一张张对好，码齐，再次数了一遍，整整十张。我告诉自己说，一千元钱，这是我卖身的价钱。 然后，我看见泪水噼呖啪啦掉在了那摞皱皱巴巴的钱币上边，其中有两滴泪水还来回滚动了几下，最后才溶在了一起。我站起身，轻轻地将钱倾斜，这摊泪水便无声无息地滑落到墨绿色的地毯里了，而吸进水的那片墨绿色的地毯一下子变得更黑更绿，透着光泽，几秒钟后，只剩一摊黑色的污渍，更像一摊油污。