Chapter 15 Chapter Fourteen

The next morning, I went to the bookstore.After more than ten days of separation, standing in the bookstore again, there is a strange power growing deep in my heart, as if after a life-and-death contest, it is being reborn from its shell. I feel that the idea of ​​making money quickly is like an already active building. The volcano finally erupted.The hot, hot magma was like clusters of high-pressure fire bombs, rushing into the sky with dazzling flames, and then falling back to the top of the mountain like an out-of-control meteor shower, and then roaring, shaking, and mighty, It leaked thousands of miles away, shocking my whole nerves and mind.I decided to broaden my financial resources, increase investment, increase efforts to make money, and earn my father's treatment expenses in the shortest possible time.The little waiter has also arrived early, and while listening to the business report of these days, I flipped through the business books of these days.I found that during this period of time, my business situation not only did not decline, but had an upward trend.In particular, most of the pirated books have been sold out through the waiters' painstaking efforts to sell them.This can't help but make me look at the waiter's ability with admiration.

The flower shop next to it has changed owners.When I finished cleaning up the accounts and stood at the door of the bookstore and looked back at the small store bathed in the sun in detail, the waiter suddenly said something.I couldn't help turning around and looking next door, only to find that the word "Bin Bin" on the lintel of the small flower shop had been changed to the word "Don't Forget", and the lady-like girl in the house had been replaced by a girl. Fashionable little girl replaced.I was suddenly a little sad, thinking of the idea of ​​merging this hut and expanding the scale that I once had, but now my father's illness makes these ideas like seedlings that have just broken the ground, being trampled by accidents After that, it has completely died.To this day, standing on this land, all the thoughts in my heart are to make money quickly at the cost of taking risks, and quickly get out of the current predicament.

Thinking of this, I quickly called a friend who deals in illegal and pirated books.Coincidentally, a batch of very marketable goods has just arrived from him. These are a batch of ancient pornographic novels that are banned by the state. I have roughly read some of them from other friends. According to my judgment, there must be no problem in sales.Therefore, without any hesitation, I quickly withdrew the money and bought more than 10,000 yuan of books at once.If all goes well, I could make a fortune out of it. This time, I have completely trusted the waiter. In order to tie her interests more closely with mine, I increased her commission again.I even promised that if the business situation is good, I may expand the scale, hire a full-time waiter, and let her be a full-time manager.The savvy waiter, who was as emotional and eager as I was, and perhaps getting her first taste of achievement, was confident in her current batch of business.She said that based on her knowledge of the bookstore's repeat customers, it wouldn't take long to sell these books, not to mention that now she has several regular friends who are helping her sell similar books privately in their spare time.She also said that even Yang Ge and Qu Hong were enthusiastic about this kind of business.

I was startled suddenly, Brother Yang was Yang An, and Qu Hong was the data officer. Seeing the change in my expression, the waiter smiled and said, Sister Zhang, don’t worry, they are all willing to make money. I can't tell what kind of feeling I feel in my heart. After all, Yang An belongs to the same unit. I am always afraid that one day, it will reach the ears of my enemy Chang Tianli. If this is the case, what kind of results will my business face? That would be self-explanatory.However, the waiter still convinced me confidently, Sister Zhang, don’t worry, they are all so smart, how could they lose their business, and that would be a loss to them too?right?

I didn't delve into it, maybe the idea of ​​making money was too urgent, and I lost my mind for a while, so I decided to put all my trust in the waiter, and planned to use her shrewdness to make another fortune to make up for my son's college reserve. Under the orderly arrangement of the waiter, the bookstore continued its normal work, especially the business, which also began to operate privately by chance, and everything progressed according to the original order.Sometimes when I take a break, I will sit behind a small swivel chair by the door of the bookstore, close my eyes and rest. At that time, the most scenes that appear before my eyes are piles of red and green banknotes.Sometimes I feel that I am becoming more and more commercialized, and I am even cultivating into a so-called businessman who smells like copper.But when I turned around and thought about it, I comforted myself and said, never mind, compared to those businessmen who speculate and cheat, my little trick or business is nothing more than a small bug, and it is not worth mentioning at all.

Just when I was dreaming about money crazily, and was about to pay the money at the provincial hospital after a little observation of the business, a piece of bad news suddenly came to me: Director Yang was shuanggui. This news was also brought when Yang An came to pick up the goods.When he said such news in a mysterious tone that I couldn't even dream of, I was not only shocked, but also felt an indescribable sadness.After all, it was Director Yang who helped me at first, and then reached out to help me when I was in danger.What's more, since I gave Director Yang 1,000 yuan and accepted his cashmere scarf, our relationship has obviously become closer, which makes me regard him as a protector to a certain extent.And this ending made me feel cold.

Director Sun Xu is temporarily acting as the top leader. This is the second more terrible news that Yang An told me after the first terrible news.The reason why it is scary is that this director is the one I almost ran into when I met Chang Tianli in a hotel in the suburbs.I don't know what kind of impact such two news will have on my future, but somehow, I already feel that my future may be more dangerous and more bumpy. When I was thinking about how to go to see Director Yang, or express my concern for him, there was trouble at home again.It was one afternoon, and I suddenly received a call from my father's attending physician from the provincial capital:

Your father has been on a hunger strike since yesterday and refused treatment! What I've been dreading has finally happened.My father not only discovered his real illness, but also knew the cost of the Tianzihao for our family, especially for the thrifty father.I was suddenly frightened and confused, and ran around in a daze like an irrational lunatic. First, I took a taxi to my son’s school desperately, gave my son a brief explanation in a panic, then rushed back to the bookstore, explained to the waiter, and then rushed home to get the last 20,000 yuan deposit from the bank , and some clothes, and then, ignoring the train, he got on the bus going straight to the provincial capital.

At dusk, the bus was full of wind and dust and arrived at the provincial capital. Like a big gray bird, I plunged headlong into the rising black fog of the provincial capital.Everything in front of me is moving around, including pedestrians, vehicles, buildings, and signboards, which are like fragments of different sizes that have lost their positions. They are moving up or down, left or right in the wind. I walk through these fragments, flying Ben, like traveling through a childhood dream.At that time, the weather was the same, the sound of the wind was also the same, and there was also the sound of dead leaves, rotten paper, and leaves of corn and oranges falling in the courtyard blown by the strong wind.That night, I stood behind the door of the wing room, opened a corner of the curtain, and secretly peeped at the people going in and out of the main room. It is said that my grandfather died there.This is the first time in my memory that I have experienced the death of a loved one, and every sign of this process has been engraved in my mind like an immortal picture.Therefore, the night, the sound of the wind, the broken leaf-shaped things blown up by the wind, and the relatives coming and going became the omens of the dead in my mind.When I saw the two southern plants in front of the porch of the hospital in such a night breeze, with such a mood in mind, I suddenly became terrified: whether my father would be killed by the god of fate in such a night like my grandfather back then? Hire away.

I stood quietly by my father's bed, staring at the frail old man intently.The hired old man has quietly walked out knowingly.There is only a thick silence spreading like fog in the room, and the smell of vegetables in the lunch box on my father's bedside table is drifting around with this silence.I was still standing in front of the bed, not knowing whether to sit down or maintain the original posture.Father also remained motionless, like a corpse drying, showing a slender silhouette under the thin white quilt.Time passed by second by second, and the air moved strand by strand. From my father's dark, thin, gray cheeks, I seemed to see the hand of the god of destiny swimming and opening.

I don’t know how long it took, maybe only a few minutes, I saw a tear, like rain seeping from the cracks in the ceiling after the rain, slowly pouring out from my father’s closed eyes, it accumulated bigger and bigger, and then turned into a puddle Colorless water moved on father's wrinkled cheeks.Oh, the father is not sleeping, nor is he silent, he is crying!But I know that he is not crying for his life, but for my fate. Where did the louder and louder wind sound come from, swirling broken mist rolled up around me and my father, and milky white smoke-like leaves were hovering and flying from in front of me, and there were groups of lively creatures in front of my eyes Fly up noisy.I moved my footsteps lightly and shook my head, trying to avoid everything in front of me, but I found that there was a gust of cold air coming from the wind through the soles of my feet, and went straight to my brain and brain along my legs and spine. The soul, the body also began to shake for a while.I controlled my emotions again and wanted to say to my father, don't cry, our life will be fine.But I didn't say this, I just heard a cry of grief from my hoarse throat! dad!I knelt down in front of my father at once. Father opened his eyes, and there were pools of old tears in his hazy eyes, slowly dripping down the corners of his eyes to the pillow.He didn't seem to be looking at me. In the depths of his tears-blurred eyes, two invisible lights were staring at a certain corner of the roof ceiling. I don't know if there is a pair of eyes of fate pointing him there, or watching us.I shook my father's body vigorously, shook my father's shoulders, and kept yelling, Dad, why are you doing this, why? My father still didn't give any explanation. In fact, I didn't expect to get an answer from my father, because I know this reason much better than my father.While weeping, I comforted my father by talking to myself, saying, Dad, we have money, and I can earn a lot of money now.I suddenly remembered the 20,000 yuan in my backpack.So, I quickly wiped away the old tears on my father's face, pulled the backpack onto my father's quilt, then took out the two stacks of thick RMB, held it up to my father and said, look!look! My father's old tears flowed more, and I cried harder.Because I am very distressed, I feel distressed about the only 20,000 yuan I have left, which is the savings I got when I divorced Yu Zhi for my son to go to college, and it is also the only savings left in the family.I knelt in front of my father's bed, looking at the two wads of money that were about to no longer belong to us, and felt pain like broken bones and a broken heart.I remembered that when people despise miserliness, they often use the description "money on the ribs".At that moment, I felt that I was exactly this kind of person.For me, at this moment, the 20,000 yuan is not only strung on my ribs, but also strung on my heart and my father's soul.When the 20,000 yuan was taken out and placed in front of my eyes, I was deeply worried about my fate, unsure about the future, and the lack of security after losing everything came to me again. I didn't want to cry at first, I even figured out a way to persuade my father in the corridor of the hospital, and I have already controlled my emotions. For some reason, after seeing the 20,000 yuan, my heart ached Feelings suddenly throw all my plans out of whack, and hopelessness about the future knocks me out of my head again.I burst into tears, and let the grief and indignation about the injustice of fate erupt like a volcano.But amidst all the distressed cries, I could still hear my own faint comforting voice muttering, Dad, I have money, we have money, and we can afford to cure you. Father finally spoke, his voice was as old as a thousand-year-old ghost, trembling slightly, exuding a cold air.He said, daughter, your father's life is not worth so much money. No, you can't say that, I want to cure you, our good days are yet to come?I want you to enjoy your old age like an old man in the city.Speaking of this, I think of my business, the batch of books I just bought, and my thriving business.I felt that my emotions were slowly shifting away from the 20,000 yuan. My father was still in tears. He stubbornly followed his own principles of life and followed the thinking of a farmer. When your mother died, it cost more than 70 yuan, and your grandfather only spent more than 50 yuan. Money, even if we are rich now, the most sick people in our village spend no more than 5,000 yuan. How can I spend so much money? However, I am still trying to convince my father.However, we had no money then, and now we have money. No!My father flatly denied my explanation.He stared his old eyes on my face, and said firmly in a crying voice, Pingping, your father is just a farmer, and a farmer's life is not worth that much money, because I have never earned that much money in my life. What kind of logic is this?Can't spend that much money without earning enough money?In other words, how to measure the value of a farmer's life?Not only did I not know how to speak, but I no longer knew what language to use to convince my father.Looking at the tears on my father's dark and thin cheeks, I once again suffered from the inferiority consciousness of farmers born in my father's bones.In fact, it’s not just my father, why don’t I feel inferior in my heart because of my peasant background?Our ancestors grew up in an environment far away from modern civilization, and were strictly fixed on the land by the so-called household registration. No matter how talented, ideal, and ambitious, you can only stick them in the deep soil.It is often said that the sky is high enough for birds to fly, and the sea is wide enough for fishes to leap. In fact, for a poor farmer, where can you fly and jump?Mr. Wu Tianming once made a movie called "The Common People". The hero Gao Jialin was born as a farmer. By chance, he entered the city through the back door and became a reporter. back to the countryside.This is the poor peasant, and the household registration is like the tattoo on the face of the exile in ancient times, which can never erase the traces of the peasant, nor can it be equal to the citizens of the city. Many years ago, there was a discussion all over the country about which life is more valuable, college students or farmers.A college student sacrificed himself to save an old farmer.A famous writer commented on this matter, doubting whether it is worthwhile for college students to do so?As soon as the problem came out, it immediately triggered a vigorous discussion.Yes, is it worth it for a college student who spends a lot of money on the country to sacrifice himself to save a farmer? The final conclusions are not unified, and there is no final conclusion, but no matter what, only the real society can tell us whether the lives of farmers are worth anything.Just like what my father said, the total cost of my mother and grandfather's death was less than two hundred yuan, and the wealthiest person in our village spent no more than five thousand yuan on illness. The hospital spent a total of 600,000 yuan on medical expenses. Chang Tianli's mother-in-law once spent 80,000 yuan in the hospital because of a liver disease. Even Li Zifeng's mother, a worker, was ill and spent 20,000 yuan in the hospital. Yuan.Of course, this is all medical treatment at public expense. When they spend the money, no family will feel sad because of the huge amount of money spent, and of course it is even less likely that they will go bankrupt because of this, and no patient will give up treatment because of the huge amount of money.Is this the injustice of fate?Or is it a difference in the value of life? I am not a pure city person, and I am no longer a real farmer. It is precisely because of my identity that I feel great pressure and extreme psychological imbalance when I am in front of the farmer's father's bedside.Yes, if I am just a farmer, if I have been in the countryside, if I don’t understand the progress of human civilization, let alone the advanced level of medicine, then I will not suffer because of this huge sum of money, let alone because of He suffered from this choice because he couldn't cure his father's illness.Because in such an environment, in the same contemptuous attitude towards the value of life, I would take it for granted, just like my father watched my mother die and grandpa passed away helplessly, let my father's sick and disabled life be dying until he died, Let life disappear completely as a wisp of smoke, or be reincarnated as a soul.But, now I can't, after I have understood the development of medical civilization, I can't sit back and watch my father's light of life go out by itself, as long as there is a glimmer of hope, I will do my best to treat him.Otherwise, the rest of my life will be spent in unspeakable self-blame and anxiety. As the night deepened, I finally reached a temporary agreement with my stubborn father.I promised him to pay 5,000 yuan first, and he promised me to do chemotherapy first. When the condition stabilizes, we will go home and recuperate by ourselves after spending 5,000 yuan. My father said that being poor is up to fate, and being rich is up to heaven. I never believed it when I was in school.My father said that I was poor in this life, or I was punished in this life because I didn’t accumulate good deeds in my previous life, or because my descendants didn’t burn more paper money in front of my grave in my previous life. I always thought it was ridiculous.My father also said that my life is suffering in this life, maybe I did some sins in the previous life, or I offended that god in this life, I already have some half-belief.Sometimes when I think about it, I really don’t understand why I, who is kind-hearted by nature, have embarked on such a bumpy path in this increasingly civilized and developed society.I used to be a leader in my class when I was in college. After working, I can be regarded as a cultural person with a relatively high IQ among the staff around me.And now, what have I become?A vulgar businessman blinded by profit, a profiteer doing illegal activities.Where did all these changes start and where will they stop?All these changes, is it a predestined path?Or is it the result of my voluntary depravity?For the final outcome, is fate responsible for me, or should I be responsible for it myself? I no longer have the ability to think about such problems. After embarking on this road paved with thin ice, I can no longer find everything I had before.No matter what the future holds, no matter who is responsible for the ending, I can only follow this path.Fortunately, my father's mood has stabilized, so, in my free time, I started to go to some bookstores in the provincial capital to learn about the market conditions of the book market, and continued to walk on this dangerous road. One evening, I left my father's sickbed and planned to visit a small bookstore not far from the hospital.The night was fine, and in the distant night sky, there was a fresh moon walking quietly. It had been a long time since I saw the moon, and my heavy heart suddenly became lighter.There were people coming and going on the street, and not far away, on the signboard of an extremely exquisitely decorated audio-visual store, there were several artistic characters "Music Time" written in flamboyant characters, and the popular music "Lamp of God" was playing inside it.As for music, I am a woman from a peasant family, and I know very little. In order to be a thorough urbanite and to get rid of the peasant traits brought about by my birth, I tried my best to imitate the appearance of urbanites, listening to music and opera, Arty.So, when this kind of music was just becoming popular, I used to buy the CDs and learn to enjoy some.I remember a late night of insomnia, when I was on a business trip, I used to play these music gently in my ears. For some reason, I lay on the bed and felt that there was a woman with fluttering white gauze standing on the floor. I can hear the sound of the wind blowing against her dress, and the sound of her long hair hitting the dress when it flies behind her head... The ultimate romance and elegant beauty, like a wonderful stream of sweet spring That mysterious corner floats into my heart with the wind.However, when the music slowly quieted down and I was about to open my eyes, I found myself suddenly in a state of fear, with goosebumps growing all over my body.Early the next morning, Yu Zhi called to say that he was sick.Since then, I have never wanted to listen to that disc of music again. I stood at the door of the video store, listening to this familiar music again, and found that the feeling of that night was like a shadowless ghost that penetrated into the depths of my soul in an instant. Wrapped in my coat, I felt fear and ominous again.I don't know if there will be any bad news in the morning tomorrow. A couple was walking by, and I walked away from the video store.The moon is still hanging in the distant sky, like a tender girl standing in the distant darkness.Under the affectionate eyes of the Moonlight Maiden, I felt that the exhaust fumes of the cars I had just produced were disappearing on the asphalt road I walked along with the steps under my feet. Just like the exhaust of a car always rises to a high place, after just walking 200 meters, I suddenly found that the fear that had just disappeared had turned from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head, hovering above my head like a shadowless cloud.I couldn't help but think of the words in the poems of Li Qingzhao, a great poet in the Southern Song Dynasty, "only when you lower your brows, but then come to your heart".It seems that not only sorrow can do this, but also fear.I took bigger steps, as if I wanted to escape this feeling.I walked past a small store selling art supplies, and then a musical instrument store. When I passed a hair salon, I accidentally saw a TV broadcasting news from the province in a room with the door wide open. On the screen was a familiar middle-aged man. The man said in a straight voice, "In order to strengthen law enforcement and thoroughly control the cultural market, law enforcement departments such as public security and culture have recently joined forces to carry out a..." A familiar street scene seemed to flash across the screen, but I didn't care. Just walked past.As I continued to walk forward, I wondered where the picture was, where I had seen it, etc.When I realized that it was more like the street where my bookstore was located, I hurriedly turned around and rushed back.There are two coquettishly dressed hairdressers standing at the door of the hair salon looking out, and one of them is still saying goodbye and goodbye to the smiling man.I went around her arm and looked through the gap between the two of them to see that the news had passed. That night, I slept very restlessly. I dreamed of "The Lamp of the Gods", dreamed of the woman in white gauze I felt, and dreamed that Yu Zhi called and said that he was sick.The first decision I make when I wake up in the morning is, I want to find out if something is going on at home. Because I was in a hurry when I came out, I didn't bring a mobile phone charger, so my mobile phone was out of power.I had no choice but to run to the public phone on the street to call the store.From eight o'clock to nine o'clock, almost every ten minutes, but no one answered.The sun was rising higher and higher, and I stood in front of the telephone booth, feeling that the shadow above my head was spreading rapidly like a mushroom cloud after a shell exploded, covering the bright sunlight. The heart trembled with fear.I decided to go home. However, coming back from the street, as soon as I walked into my father's ward, I saw my son at a glance.He was standing by his father's bed talking to his father.I suddenly understood: something really happened! My son was not as overly happy when he saw me as when he came home last time. He still looked at me with the same expression he had just talked to his grandfather, but I could already see the hidden fear from his dark face. The father may have been dulled by the illness. He didn't seem to notice anything, but was just blindly immersed in the joy of seeing his grandson.However, I became terrified because of various speculations about the disaster, my limbs were numb, and my whole body seemed to start to collapse.Finally, I finally looked for an opportunity, called my son out, and then figured out the truth as quickly as possible. The bookstore is closed! I stood in the hot water room, my head suddenly grew bigger, and my eyes became black for a while.Although I speculated that something might have happened to the business, before I fully figured it out, I still held on to the last hope, or luck, and I hoped that it was just my own suspicion or sensitivity.But now, everything has been confirmed. For me, what lies before me is not just a small ditch and a small ridge, but a deep well that can almost swallow me. I can even imagine that in that deep well, all my How the spiritual pillar and psychological support will be submerged.People fetching water came and went, and the tearful son suppressed his crying and said in despair, it's all over, it's all over.In fact, at that time, I really wanted to cry like my son, it's all over, it's all over.However, I know that in front of my son, I must remain calm, so as to give my son who is in fear a little sense of security and dependence. Growing up, I have always been a well-behaved girl. Even though I had some conflicts with Chang Tianli after work, I still think that I am a kind and upright public official.Therefore, this experience of never being punished or dealt with for violating regulations or breaking the law made me face such a disaster, and I was almost scared out of my wits.No matter how severe the punishment to come, my son and I know that there is no way for us to escape it.Since there is no escape, the only way to deal with it is to stand up. That night, after making arrangements for my father and the old man who served him, my son and I went home quietly in the twilight.When we got off the bus and walked towards the street where the dormitory building was located, the honking sound of a police car and the sound of approaching police cars suddenly came from not far behind, which tested the courage of my son and me for the first time.At that time, my son grabbed my arm in fear and said in a trembling voice, "Mom, a police car!" At that moment, I was as frightened as my son, and my body seemed to be shocked by electricity. The first thought in my mind was to grab my son's hand and run away desperately.Maybe it was because I was too scared and my body was not sensitive. I seemed to be a little indifferent on the surface. This situation just gave my panicked son a comfort, and it also made me regain my sanity in the following time. When the police car passed by us, it didn't stop, but I couldn't move for nearly ten minutes. Not long after I got home, I received a call from the security department of my unit, asking me to go to the Public Security Bureau tomorrow to explain the situation and accept handling.The chief of the security department used a condescending tone and a stern command tone, which reminded me of the way prison guards treat supervised personnel in movies and TV dramas.It turns out that crime is so easy, I accidentally fell into it.In fact, ever since I found out about the accident, I have been mentally preparing to accept various punishments, but it was not until I put down the phone call from the security chief that I fully realized my current situation and the change in my image in people's minds. I sat on the sofa, dizzy and didn't know what to do to restore it. All kinds of fearful thoughts were flying wildly in my mind like a group of wasps that had been kicked out of their old nest.Yeah, tomorrow, how am I going to face the scary cops?Will I be able to withstand a police interrogation?How will I be punished?How will I face my colleagues, friends, and acquaintances in the future? ... When the silence of the night gradually seeps through the thick darkness into the house and into my body, and the occasional babbling in the dream comes from my son's room, I finally found a clue in my chaotic thoughts, that is, I must ask for help. I was the first to think of Yu Zhi, and at the same time, I also remembered the hateful expression Yu Zhi showed when I was holding the young guy by my arm the last time I saw him.Although my hand holding the phone was a little weak and my heart was weak, I gritted my teeth and dialed his mobile phone. However, immediately after, I was disappointed in an expressionless voice, "The phone you dialed has been turned off." hang up. The second one reminds me of Yuan Yilin.This man, whom I deliberately alienated because of my son's paranoia, answered my phone call, but he was dealing with a business dispute in a distant southern country.I thought maybe his troubles were not less than mine, so I just said lightly during his questioning that it was nothing, just a greeting, and then hung up.Almost at the same time, I thought of a sentence "every day should not be called, and the earth is not working". I felt my body collapsed into a pile like roasted fat. Near midnight, I made one last call, and it was to the bookstore clerk.She cried when she heard my voice.I think, after experiencing this storm-like attack, it should be an unforgettable nightmare for a girl who is not deeply involved in the world.Although what I held in my hand was only a slender telephone line, I still clearly felt her collapsed emotions and the despair after her dream of making money was shattered.She repeated that sentence like her son, it's all over, it's all over.I'm sorry for you, I've confessed everything... It's all over!Yes, I have repeated this sentence in my heart not seven or eight times. Almost at the same time I saw my son, I kept telling myself in my heart that it was over.My bookstore business, my father's medical expenses, my son and I's support, and even my future... What kind of ending will I suffer after this nightmare will be an answer that will be more or less ominous.I don't know why my life is so hard?Why is luck so bad?So many people around me are doing illegal business, why am I the only one who hit the gun?The night was already very deep, and my despair gradually increased. I lay on the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling in the darkness, feeling like a wolf shot by a hunter, lonely and in pain, unable to escape or want to die. No, you have to wait helplessly for the hunter to kill you.I don't know what is waiting for me tomorrow, whether it is a prison or a fine, but no matter which one is, it will be a fatal blow and punishment for me.If it is a prison, then my reputation, my future, my son's future, and even my father's life will face the test of life and death; if it is a fine, then, in my economic situation and my father's physical condition, this Such a punishment would undoubtedly sentence the father to death. How I hope that tomorrow will not come, so I will stay in the darkness forever, even if I can no longer see the sun, light, or change in my life, as long as the terrible tomorrow does not come.I prayed to the sky in the dark, let time, let the universe, let everything stop!Then, in the dark, I cursed myself angrily and said, I'm a fucking fool!