Chapter 9 chapter eight

At that afternoon, I could not yet judge what role this man would play in my later life, but this did not mean that my relationship with him was blind.In addition to making me feel that I am a very utilitarian woman to some extent, this kind of thinking also makes me have a kind of contempt for myself.Because I clearly remember that when I had a physical relationship with him, in some gaps in my consciousness, I thought that my career should become easier to succeed because of having this man.I even used this excuse as a reason for self-consolation during the rest of the afternoon, when I kept berating myself for my carelessness.I told myself that it would be easier for me to defeat Chang Tianli because of him, and it would be easier for me to stand firm in society because of him.

It is an old Chinese proverb that it is reluctant to let a child trap a wolf.Whether I was unconsciously practicing this truth that day, and whether this practice paid off as it is said, can only be determined with certainty later.But that afternoon, I really believed in this ancient truth.Because when Li Zifeng was packing up his clothes and preparing to leave my house, he bowed his head reluctantly for the last time, kissed my neck and said, I love you, and I will help you.Not only do I want your book published as soon as possible, but I want to bring you up. Lost Yu Zhi, but gained Li Zifeng.This can be regarded as one of the greatest comforts I got in the abyss of pain.As for the effect of that afternoon's passion on me, or that of the morning when I said goodbye, it was difficult for me to say at the time.

In the days when I first crossed the threshold, on the one hand, I felt that I had fallen, and on the other hand, I kept comforting myself that I was a single woman and had the right to choose my own happiness.As a result, the shadow in my mind was also unconsciously hidden with the establishment of this new relationship.I feel that I have stronger confidence in the future invisibly, which may be what people call the feeling of "leaning against a big tree to enjoy the shade".Therefore, my expectations for Li Zifeng at that time were as strong as Li Zifeng's expectations for me, but if we analyze it, Li Zifeng's expectations for me may be mainly love, maybe only love, but my expectations are more The extremely utilitarian things are the promises he gave me, such as publication, promotion, and even marriage that will change the current living conditions.However, in our ensuing phone conversations, although he always talked about missing and love affectionately, he mentioned marriage less and less, which made my sensitive and suspicious heart sometimes have a suspicion.I suspect that his affection for me is merely playful.After all, the same unit, but also a superior-subordinate relationship, it is difficult to predict what kind of public opinion this kind of marriage will produce.Even so, whenever I receive a call from him, his steady tone and the thoughts he expresses make me dispel this idea.

In this half-doubt and half-expectation waiting, the end of Li Zifeng's training was ushered in.It was Thursday.In fact, as early as ten days ago, I knew the exact date.In order to meet this day and meet this man, I changed my hairstyle a week ago. I permed my hair that looked like vermicelli into a popular hairstyle, bleached and dyed it a little, and then wore it for a few days on Wednesday. I chose the clothes beforehand so that I can continue to wear them the next day, so that Chang Tianli won't be suspicious when she finds out that I suddenly changed into beautiful clothes. Everything was ready. On Thursday morning, I got up early and made meticulous dressing. Then I wore the prepared clothes, like a married bride, and went out full of excitement and anxiety.The sky is so high, it seems to be clearer, the sun is so scorching, but it seems to be full of enthusiasm, even the policemen in Jiegang seem to have a smile on their faces.I haven't seen Li Zifeng for two months, I really wish I could let him see my beauty.If he really loves me, if he will marry me, how grateful I am to him!

The door of the office has been opened, and Yang An is squatting on his chair with his back to me, staring at a newspaper spread out on the table, and the old air conditioner above his head is humming as always, like The cicadas outside the window were endless, blowing the newspaper in Yang An's hand and shaking it non-stop.I didn't make a sound, sat quietly at the table, immersed in the endless thoughts like the whole morning, and waited in this kind of thoughts.However, to my disappointment, I waited until after ten o'clock, and Li Zifeng did not come, but Chang Tianli, who was late, came.

The moment Chang Tianli stepped in, I felt my heart sink suddenly, and my eyes darkened for a while.Because Chang Tianli is too beautiful, and this kind of beauty destroys my newly built self-confidence every time.I have to blame God again: It doesn't matter if you make me not beautiful, why do you insist on letting me live with beautiful women?As long as I can remember, I have lived in the shadow of beautiful girls, the beautiful girl next door when I was a child, the beautiful female deskmate in middle school, five recognized beautiful girls in the same room in college, and Chang Tianli after work.In this environment, I grew up with low self-esteem. Fortunately, the beautiful girl next door did not pass the middle school, the beautiful girl at the same table in middle school did not pass the university, and the roommate in the university did not pass the exam. The test scores of beautiful girls have always been inferior to mine, but only Chang Tianli is different, because she is inferior to me in book studies, and everything else seems to be better than me. jealousy and injustice.Sometimes I really want to open the window to her and say something bright: you are better than me in everything?Why can't you tolerate what little intelligence I have?

Some people say that appearance is a woman's class.This is really an undeniable truth.I always think, Chang Tianli, since you have used your appearance to classify yourself as a "noble" class, why can't you tolerate the lower class me having a little chance to breathe? This morning, after I had dressed up carefully, hoping to share the same beauty with her, even if it was just a little autumn color, she walked in with superior steps and graceful manners.She simply stood there like a shining star, taking over the scenery without even using her usual obsequiousness.I drooped my head in frustration and began to sketch the pages in front of me.But I kept thinking in my heart, how good this woman is sick this morning!

However, Chang Tianli was too aggressive.After I bowed my head and admitted my failure, she still walked over without giving up, let go of her voice, and picked my most vulnerable place.She yelled and said flamboyantly, ah!You see, how beautiful Yuping is today! I blushed all of a sudden, because "today" was particularly important in Chang Tianli's words, implying that my "today" seemed to be deliberately beautiful.I suppressed my anger, raised my head, and said to her expressionlessly, thank you! Yang An and Zhou Zhuwen had already turned their gazes, and I felt guilty for a while, feeling a little overwhelmed.I can't figure out what kind of woman Chang Tianli is, a person who is so stupid in business and studies, why she is so smart and shrewd in personnel affairs, in observing words and feelings, and in fighting with others.I think she already understands my intentions today, and she is the only one in this office who can figure out why I am beautiful today.However, she is the woman who hates me the most and is also the most vicious.When I was flushed with shame and anger, and had nothing to say, she shouted again with great fanfare, poking a hole in the last little secret in my heart:

You see, Yu Ping is still wearing makeup today, and the eyeliner is quite professional. I didn't expect your makeup skills to be so good!Almost invisible. My head has grown, and my brain has gone blank, only my cheeks feel a burst of burning.However, not only did she not let go of my intentions, but she attacked me even further: Is there any happy event for Yuping today?Or is there a date?Maybe not, isn't today the director's first day at work?Do you want to surprise the boss? I hate Chang Tianli so much, I don't know if she is implying me that she knows something, or is deliberately exposing my intention to please Li Zifeng to humiliate me.While listening to her talking loudly to ask the director to verify it, I stared at Chang Tianli wriggling her buttocks and walking out with hateful eyes.At the moment when her figure is about to disappear in the doorway, I really want to have a pistol, shoot her in the back of the head, go through the brain, and come out between the eyes and nose; or shoot her nasty ass One shot, turning her into a female eunuch... Then tell her that I am trying to please the director.I also want to tell her that I have already slept with the director and I am going to marry the director. Am I not dressed right today?But, I didn't, I just sat there and let all kinds of revenge thoughts flash in my mind.

Amid the sound of high-heeled shoes, this vicious goblin appeared in front of me again. Under the eyes of Zhou Zhuwen and Yang An, and under my glaring gaze, she still performed complacently, and said with an innocent demeanor: : It's a pity that the director is not here, otherwise he would be surprised by Yuping's beauty. I finally couldn't bear it anymore, stood up, walked up to her, and said in a low voice, suppressing anger, I'm so strange, where did your energy come from? She was obviously caught off guard by my sudden counterattack. She opened her bright red mouth slightly and stared at me: Why do you talk like that?What am I doing?

I felt a little breath from the solid wall in my heart just now.I suddenly turned away from her and walked out, just as I was about to walk out the door, I didn't know where the courage came from, I walked back again, then stood in front of Chang Tianli, and said loudly: Since you are so curious, it seems that I really have to satisfy your desire to spy!You guessed it right, I do have an appointment today, and it's an important one!That's why I dress up so beautifully. Chang Tianli blushed just like me just now, and finally, I still reluctantly added: I got a boyfriend and I'm meeting him today! Then, I walked out from Chang Tianli who was stunned.However, I didn't go home, because when I came to the intersection, the hatred gathered just now because of Chang Tianli's humiliation gave me another thought of revenge.I went to a public phone booth and called Yuan Yilin, asking him to pick me up at the door of my unit at 11:45.After hanging up the phone, I changed my disheveled face, felt like a winner, and returned to the office proudly. The atmosphere in the office has become lifeless, and Chang Tianli has also subsided from the state of excitement just now.I'm waiting for Chang Tianli to get to the bottom of it. I'm even ready to tell him that my boyfriend is the owner of a computer company.But, she didn't ask, she didn't even make any comments to me. When it was about to leave work at noon, Chang Tianli, Yang An, and Zhou Zhuwen all started to pack their things and leave work.I said loudly, my boyfriend came to pick me up at noon today, and I asked him to treat us to dinner together, how about it? Yang An yelled happily when she heard that there was a dinner, that's great!But Zhou Zhuwen said he couldn't go, and Chang Tianli smiled awkwardly and said something was wrong.In this way, Yang An also said disappointedly, I am not good at being a light bulb anymore. I went downstairs with everyone and walked through the courtyard together.From a distance, Yuan Yilin's Audi car was parked beside the road.When I walked through the courtyard, Yuan Yilin seemed to understand my thoughts, honked the horn twice, and got out of the car.He stood beside the car, with a tall figure matching a small car, mature and attractive.I heard Yang An yelling repeatedly: Wow, Sister Zhang, your boyfriend is very handsome and amazing! For a moment, my vanity was satisfied and excited by Chang Tianli's dejected expression, but when I triumphantly got into the car door that Yuan Yilin opened for me, and when Yuan Yilin started the car, I was suddenly shocked: I clearly saw Li Zifeng holding a leather bag, standing at the door of the mail room and looking at me. Under Chang Tianli's jealous eyes, under Li Zifeng's gaze, I sat next to Yuan Yilin and drove out from under their noses.At the last moment when the car turned the corner, I even turned around and saw Chang Tianli's body turning towards Li Zifeng, and her gesticulating movements.I know what she will tell Li Zifeng, and I also know how she will add fuel to it.At that moment, I was devastated.I felt like the happiest fool in the world: before I could savor the little bit of vanity and triumphant pride I had just sated, I shot myself in the foot with a rock I lifted.At this moment, sitting next to Yuan Yilin, in the familiar song "100% Men" in the car, not only did I not feel a trace of joy and relaxation, but I deeply experienced the pain and helplessness of falling from the peak of joy. I had no intention of answering Yuan Yilin's questions, nor did I have any intention of continuing any activities with Yuan Yilin, or even eating.When the car approached a corner of a high-end restaurant, I felt like I was sitting on pins and needles, and I couldn't stay any longer.At my request, Yuan Yilin stopped the car.Then, with Yuan Yilin's surprised expression and his confused questioning over and over again, I didn't explain anything, but just opened the car door. Yuan Yilin finally became annoyed, grabbed my hand, and asked sharply: What happened? I repeated the answer just now again, I said, please don't ask so many questions, okay? I must ask!Yuan Yilin's stubborn temper was also aroused by my answer, he said bluntly almost in an orderly tone. It's none of your business!After saying this sentence, I found that Yuan Yilin's face was blushing, and I felt a little regretful, because this sentence was said with a little more emphasis.After all, I summoned Yuan Yilin with a phone call out of nowhere, and left without any explanation within ten minutes. This is hard for a private owner like Yuan Yilin, who is busy with business, to accept.So, I softened my tone and said softly, I'm sorry, let me keep it secret for now, okay?What's more, you can't control such things at all. I don't know if it was the secrecy I said that aroused his curiosity, or my saying that he couldn't control it aroused his strong will.He stretched out his thick arms and pulled the car door next to me closed, then softened his tone, stared into my eyes and asked, how do you know that I can't control it? I became impatient for his inquisition again, because I still couldn't get rid of the frustration caused by the incident just now, and I think the thing I want to do most now is to hide quietly by myself and think about what to do next manage.But Yuan Yilin's unyielding questioning made me not only unable to calm down, but also made my depressed heart more anxious.Then, in the midst of my agitation, my tone which had just softened became sharp again, and I said: I know you can't control it because you couldn't control Yu Zhi when he didn't want me back then! He froze for a moment, and I was also taken aback by my own words.I was not only taken aback, when I easily uttered this sentence, and the name Yuzhi slipped out of my mouth easily, I felt the grief at the beginning surged again like magic, standing in Yuzhi When he heard his wife's voice under the door of the new house, the feeling of the world falling in his heart once again emerged in his mind.The atmosphere in the car was silent, only the hum of the air conditioner was still screaming as usual, and the ancient coins like amulets hanging in front of the car were also turning around.Two minutes later, Yuan Yilin broke the silence and asked in a dark voice, tell me what is going on between you and Yu Zhi? separated!I only said these two words briefly, and following the two heavy words, two tears rolled down from my eyes, as heavy as two eyeballs, falling on the ground on the legs.Then, I slammed the door open and rushed frantically into the scorching heat. I didn't go to work in the afternoon because I didn't want to see either Chang Tianli or Li Zifeng.If it is said that he is afraid of seeing them, it is better to say that he is avoiding the explanation that he should face.Although I know that an explanation is essential, and the sooner the better, because I understand that after Chang Tianli's exaggeration, Li Zifeng might be misunderstood.But when I thought of standing in front of Li Zifeng and explaining the misunderstanding in that situation, I felt extremely humiliated.I have to say that my makeup is for him, I have to tell him Chang Tianli's sarcasm towards me, and I have to tell him why I called Yuan Yilin... How boring that is!How can I speak it? I lay in bed from two o'clock until five o'clock, repeatedly thinking about whether to call to explain the misunderstanding, but I picked up the phone a few times, but I didn't make a call, because I really didn't know how to explain such a boring thing with the cheek.In this back and forth thinking, I feel like I have stepped into a dark dead end, and I don't know how to proceed on the next road.How I wish I could receive a call from Li Zifeng and hear his cross-examination when I was desperate, so that I would know that he cared about me, and I could tell him my difficulties.However, it was Yuan Yilin who was waiting for a call. Instead of being happy and agile as usual, he kept asking about my life, work, and my son worriedly.Due to the troubles I suffered at that time, I have temporarily broken free from Yu Zhi's mental coercion.I calmly told him that I had adapted to this kind of life and that I had a very stable life.In the end, he repeatedly told me to go to him if there was any difficulty.He also said that he would settle accounts with Yu Zhi. In the evening, I was still anxious and thinking over and over whether I should call or go to him.By eight o'clock, I felt like I was going crazy with this problem, and I finally made up my mind that I must call him and explain this matter clearly today.I told myself that if I can't handle such a small thing, how can I do something bigger.I finally picked up the phone and gritted my teeth to call Li Zifeng's house.After the phone rang several times, it was finally connected. I said, Director, I have something to do.I also wanted to tell him that I wanted to go to him and explain it.But before I finished speaking, Li Zifeng took advantage of the gap between my words and stopped me.He said politely, I have guests now. I was caught off guard by the sound of good-bye, and then the beep from the microphone, feeling a little lost for a moment.I have been thinking about whether to call him, I have been practicing how to explain this misunderstanding, and I have even thought about the order of the first sentence and the second sentence, but I didn't expect that it would end like this after the call was connected.I resentfully swallowed the words I had prepared, and at the same time analyzed Li Zifeng's words.I really couldn't figure out whether he really had guests, which made it even more difficult for me to figure out his attitude towards me.Under this suspicion, a strong desire suddenly rose in my heart: I wanted to monitor his home, and I wanted to find out whether he had guests.If, as he said, he has guests, it means I still have a chance to explain.If he has no guests, then he is deliberately refusing to explain to me. I quickly got dressed, but when I opened the door, I still hesitated.I find this villainous behavior ridiculous, and a villainous one that doesn't have any effect.If he really has no guests, I have to explain today's behavior, and if he has guests, I have to explain even more.Thinking of this, I stepped back and decided to explain the misunderstanding tomorrow anyway. The next day, I changed out of the previous day's clothes and tied my hair in a random braid at the back of my head.If I say that I want to stop attracting Chang Tianli's attention, it is better to say that I want to avoid the embarrassment that the clothes remind me of yesterday.I stood in front of the mirror and looked at that ordinary woman without any bright spots, and once again stirred up my inferiority complex.That's right, in front of Chang Tianli, what can I do to please a man?In front of Chang Tianli, what can I use to compete with Chang Tianli? The sun is still like a huge burning brazier, endlessly pouring out heat waves, the crowd was roasted in this huge fire flow, I drooped my head in a depressed mood Hurrying across the office compound and down the long corridors, I felt like a shy burglar.Fortunately, Chang Tianli was uncharacteristically that day and did not attack me in any way.This situation did not arouse my curiosity, because Chang Tianli has always been an elusive woman.What surprised me was Li Zifeng's attitude towards me.I saw him in the office a few times, and even met him alone a few times. All his behaviors were the same as before, polite and calm, and there was hardly any difference from the past when he got along with me. Nothing ever happened to either of us.Although I wanted to look for opportunities to express our special relationship several times, he blocked him every time reasonably, which made me almost suspect that there was a secret relationship between us while admiring his city and concentration. love affair.Eight hours flew by quietly in my doubts. I decided to make it clear tonight. I can’t let the misunderstanding become bigger and the love I got is easy to run aground. Of course, I can’t let my body pay for it. East flow. As if he had guessed my thoughts, Li Zifeng came to our office with several documents when he was about to leave work, and gave each of us a copy.I picked up my copy, and when I turned the page after reading the first page, I was surprised to find a penciled line at the top of the second page: Come after get off work. After get off work, I've been thinking about whether I should change clothes, whether I should dress up.I was both dissatisfied with the clothes and makeup I wore that day, and I was shy about changing my makeup on purpose.I finally managed to convince myself to go home and change into Thursday's beautiful dress and put on makeup.Then, inspired by a kind of passion, he couldn't wait to come to Li Zifeng's house. I always thought that Li Zifeng had misunderstood me, worried that he would believe Chang Tianli's nonsense, but when I stood in front of him anxiously and heard the door behind me being gently closed, I realized that all my Worrying is unnecessary.Because Li Zifeng's warm arm wrapped around my body and closed the door, and immediately wrapped around my waist.Through the thin dress, I could almost feel the warmth of Li Zifeng's slightly shaking fingertips.Before I had time to react, Li Zifeng's deep voice was mixed with the thick heat, rushing towards my face and ears like a sea wave.He said, I miss you, miss you so much! During the two days of worrying and the low self-esteem brought about by Chang Tianli's blow, hearing such a confession, I felt like a fresh sun suddenly appeared after the rain, brightening up.I leaned gently on his shoulder and said softly, me too. The milky white cabinet-type air conditioner in the corner of the house is spraying cool air outside, and the pair of cute plush dolls are staring at our embrace with curious eyes, and there is a scent of wine behind them The fragrance of vegetables and vegetables floated quietly.I raised my eyes from Li Zifeng's shoulder, and saw the red wine and delicate dishes prepared on the coffee table in the living room.At that moment, my heart was almost full of gratitude to Li Zifeng, and I kept vowing in my heart that I would cherish this relationship, cherish this man, and take good care of my future family.I raised my face from his shoulder, looking at the gentle and tender Li Zifeng, I wanted to tell him all my thoughts just now.But before I could speak, when I just turned to face him, his eyes suddenly lit up, and then he blurted out, you are so beautiful! I was quick-witted, and went along with the flow and said, just to hear your beautiful words, I was ridiculed by Chang Tianli on your first day at work, and then to get angry with Chang Tianli, I found a friend who pretended to be her boyfriend... … The matter is as simple as that, I only need a few words to explain the misunderstanding that has been lingering in my heart.While I regained my trust in Li Zifeng, Li Zifeng also added a layer of care to me after my casual explanation.In the intoxicated romance and the mysterious atmosphere overflowing with red wine, we began to slowly release the hunger for the opposite sex that has been suppressed and restrained for a long time.Although the alcohol made my consciousness become erratic again and again, I could still clearly feel the desire in my body is just about to move along with the flying of my heart.I know what I'm doing, I know what we're going to do, like standing by the river and getting wet shoes, I'm ready to go down to the river.If everything goes with the flow, maybe everything will follow my original plan, including life, work, and even family. However, sometimes fate really plays tricks on people. When you finally enter the state, the god of fate will suddenly When she found something amiss, she could shatter everything in front of her eyes with just a little flick. I was always half-closed in intoxication, being held by Li Zifeng and walking towards the path of love covered with flowers.However, when this passionate man suddenly hugged me into his lap like all romantic men in movies and TV, I had mixed emotions in the next moment.Because of Li Zifeng's thin stature, I sat on his lap like a sturdy tree growing on the top of a half wall, giving me a feeling of towering.Not only did I not feel the sense of favor and security of being surrounded by men, but even his narrow shoulders made me worry that I would crush him down at any time.I stood high on his lap, which made me almost condescending, and I saw the bald head unobstructed.At that moment, the bald scalp that I felt when we had sex for the first time, especially the uncomfortable feeling caused by it, came to my heart again.I tried to suppress this feeling, but the light from the roof was shining from the bare center of the head in front of me, and reflected in my eyes.Drunken and hazy, I felt dazzled and my body tensed up. I didn't drink to the point of being confused, and I knew that I couldn't dislike this little flaw.An ordinary woman like me is no longer qualified, or has time to pick on men, let alone a man who is knowledgeable and has a certain status.Restraining my growing sense of repulsion, I pushed away his arm that was holding me, and slid from his lap onto the sofa, avoiding seeing the top of that head. However, everything is not right.I have to blame fate again, since you have given him to me, why are you constantly trying to pull him away from me.When I almost succeeded in lying in his arms, looking up at the flushed cheeks stimulated by alcohol and passion, and slowly forgetting the unhappiness just now, he suddenly stood up, then bent down and tried to hug me stand up. I didn't brush off his impulsive emotions, because I didn't know whether it was suitable to do so, so I had to cooperate with his movements wholeheartedly.However, he was too thin, so he picked me up with a groan, then crookedly walked towards the bedroom.This series of actions not only failed to stimulate my romantic tenderness, but scared away the feeling I had just recovered.I had to keep my eyes wide open, nervously guarding against the possibility of his sudden fall amidst his uncontrollable body shaking.The moment he put me on the bed, in his loud panting, I suddenly thought of Yu Zhi, the comfort, happiness and security I felt when I was hugged by Yu Zhi, and the closed arms in Yu Zhi’s arms. The process of squinting your eyes to experience the majestic breath of a man. Just like that, my mood took a turn for the worse, and I felt that my whole body ached because I thought of Yu Zhi, as if I had been hit suddenly.But Li Zifeng was bending over to me after panting.My mind was spinning rapidly, and when his mouth almost touched my lips, I saw a picture of a beautiful woman getting out of the bath on the wall opposite the bed.In a hurry, I told him gently, take a bath first. Like an obedient child, he gave me a light kiss on the face and went to take a bath contentedly.I lay there looking at the beautiful paintings on the wall, but I couldn't find the feeling of being in love again.Time passed by with the beating of the clock on the wall, and I was also helplessly waiting for the next thing to worsen in fear.I have once again fallen into the shadow of Yu Zhi, and I am powerless to extricate myself.I always thought that after going through so many stories, especially after accepting this man, I have begun to lose the influence of Yuzhi.However, now I know that it failed again.As a woman, the past time is like a blank page, which has been forcefully painted with his thick paint, and it is no longer easy to draw any patterns in the future. Li Zifeng finally came out.To my dismay, he seemed to read my mind, and was intent on turning against me and destroying our fledgling relationship by wearing nothing but a plain blue bath towel around his waist.Then, I saw his thin and thin shoulders and rib-shaped chest exposed, which formed a sharp contrast with Yu Zhi's broad and thick shoulders and male chest muscles.Looking at his body getting closer and closer, I felt a growing sense of repulsion in my heart, as if I was chewing a piece of extremely sour green apricot, which made it hard for me to swallow and dare not spit it out.Just when he opened his thin arms and thin shoulders to hug me, I didn't know where the inspiration came from, I sat up all of a sudden, then bent down and slipped under his arms, and turned behind him. Nervously and terrified, I only said that I would take a shower too, and then ran out of the bedroom as if fleeing, and plunged into the bathroom. The bathroom still smelled of hot flashes, as well as the inexplicable human body smell mixed in the fragrance of bath waves.That smell is like Li Zifeng's thin body, giving me a strange and uncomfortable feeling.In the package of this smell, I feel like being hugged by Li Zifeng's thin body, uncomfortable, suffocated, and helpless.Just like that, I stood under the faucet, letting the rushing water pour over my body and my complex emotions.In fact, I really don't know whether it is difficult for me to accept him because of his poor physical condition, or because he is too different from Yu Zhi, or all remarried women will face this when accepting another man The embarrassment, that is, the psychology of comparing with the previous man must be overcome.Even so, I still clearly told myself that I must work hard and try my best to cater to him, for the future. After an unknown amount of time, there were two soft knocks on the bathroom door, and Li Zifeng's voice came through the crack of the door. He told me that there was a bathrobe at the door.In fact, I understood his real intention of giving me the bathrobe, he was urging me to take a bath.At this time, I have already begun to gradually normalize psychologically by forcing myself to think about his profound knowledge, his thoughtfulness and gentleness, and his upcoming status.I opened the door, put on the baggy bathrobe I had left by the door, and stepped out into the bedroom. Everything is predestined, and there must be fate between men and women.In this cycle of life, the fate of me and Li Zifeng may have been arranged by God long ago. We are like two different planets in the sky, each with its own orbit, even if we meet and cross by chance at a predetermined time or place , but what the final result will be is no longer up to us to decide.This is my fate.That night, I came out of the bathroom and walked slowly with my newly built confidence and mixed emotions for the man in the bed.However, before I could get close to him, God suddenly swung a stick and woke me up from the fantasy of the future again, and brought me back to my rough path. Li Zifeng had already pulled off the corner of the quilt that was on his body, and was reclining on the bed naked.what did i see ——An aging and emaciated body, like a frozen chicken bought in a supermarket, which appears after thawing: loose skin, thin bones under the skin, and protruding joints... I saw it there I have never seen such a man, so skinny and wrinkled.The only man I've ever met, Yu Zhi, is a muscular, physically strong man.With Yuzhi's many years of life, the image of a man in my mind has been fixed in a way that is closely related to being strong, thick and muscular.It never occurred to me that a man of forty-four could be so far removed from the image of a man I had in mind, and it never occurred to me that just a body like this would cause my emotions to plummet. I stopped in place in fear, not knowing what to do next.He must have thought I was shy, so he tried to sit up and took off his glasses, ready to greet me.His eyes exposed after taking off his glasses are like a pair of bulging fish eyes, gray and cloudy, lifeless under the loose and wrinkled eyelids, but revealing a shameful lust, and I am familiar with them in the office and in relationships All of a sudden, the polite and gentle demeanor disappeared.I suddenly felt that the man in front of me was so strange! I want to escape!我要逃走！这是那一刻我心里唯一的想法。这个大胆的想法一时间如疾风占据了整个脑子。接下来我立刻用手环抱住肚子蹲在了地上，而脸上夸张着扭曲和痛苦，并大声呻吟起来。 他显然慌了起来，从床上跳下来，一面喊着怎么啦？ 我在呻吟的间隙，低头蜷着身体。身下宽大无扣的衣袍正好被这种姿势分开了口，我看见自己光洁的腿若隐若现从里边透着健康的光泽，我还以眼角的余光，清晰地看见了他苍白无光的皮肉上松垂的折皱。然后，我以痛苦的腔调哭丧着脸说： 胃病犯啦！