Chapter 8 Chapter VII

Li Zifeng left, and the temporary job was represented by Mr. Huang, who was fifty years away.This old pedant who commutes to and from get off work on time every day is like an unearthed cultural relic, quietly exuding an ancient and quiet atmosphere in his office.He doesn't come to our office to point fingers, and he rarely chats with us. Even meeting us is a burden to him.Thanks to the clear division of labor between us when Li Zifeng left, Xuexue Huang was happy to be at ease, and at most he would be a consultant for us when we encountered problems.My first draft of "History of Light Industry" was completed just after the holiday, and it has been reviewed by Li Zifeng for the first time, and now it is being sorted out and revised for the second time according to the opinions put forward.Coupled with the fact that Li Zifeng has fully agreed to the job title, I feel that the future is brightening up little by little.The gloomy mood after the divorce began to be like the sunshine after the rain, refreshing and shining with a new attitude.In the late night of occasional insomnia, the original habit of crying because of longing and resentment is sometimes replaced by longing for the future.I even imagined that one day, after I succeeded, I would stand in front of Yu Zhi to listen to his confession, and see his remorse for leaving us.

The scars of the divorce slowly healed, and I began to treat my career and marriage with a normal attitude.However, this scar is too fragile, and perhaps a tiny touch could cause new wounds, and even bleed out fresh blood. This is a cold spring season.When people just took off their heavy cotton coats and were about to change their clothes, a Siberian cold current flew down from near the North Pole, passed through the smoky Mongolian prairie, and hit the endless land of North China.Then a heavy snow fell all over the sky.I had to re-arm and wrap up the down jacket that I only wear in the twelfth lunar month of winter. It was a red and white down jacket. I walked through the snow in the sky wrapped in it, feeling like a flying bright butterfly, although the wheels were crooked. Slanting, but because of the romantic snow and the brightly colored clothes on my body, especially the visual effect produced by the combination of these colors, my mood also fluttered with the snow.Walking through the familiar street and past the familiar police post, when I turned a corner and was approaching the work unit, a young man beside me hummed Cui Jian's song "Let Me Go to the Snow to Have Fun" and rode past me.Then, as if I had an infectious disease, I began to hum this happy melody in my heart.Even after I got to the office, in the process of cleaning, organizing files, and even rewriting manuscripts, this song has been like a pigeon haunting my heart, flying up and down and chirping happily, I think, If I was young, I could sing, and if it snowed, I could have fun.

Accompanied by happy daydreams, I was rapidly progressing the revision of "History of Light Industry" in a smooth flow of thought. By the time I got off work in the morning, the manuscript was nearing the end. I ate a pack of instant noodles at get off work at noon and continued to revise.By the time I got to work in the afternoon, the manuscript was completely finished.So when all the people in the office arrived, I raised my eyebrows that had been heavy for many days, and happily joked and laughed with Zhou Zhuwen and Yang An.And my lightness and joy brought me a new misfortune.

I really don't understand why Chang Tianli is so vicious, she can't even tolerate me being happy.When she saw my relaxed expression and the neat manuscripts on the desk, a new imbalance arose in her heart.Then I heard Chang Tianli's voice, like a fly that suddenly landed on a plate of extremely exquisite dishes, making people sick and annoyed. She said, I saw Yu Zhi yesterday. Without any mental preparation, I suddenly heard the name Yu Zhi, and I shivered involuntarily for a moment.I don't know how far this name and this person have traveled in my heart, or buried in my heart, because these days, in the process of my work and life, I have managed to forget The name, and the pain this man caused me.Especially when I was in the office, I devoted almost all my energy to writing the topic.Although in some writing breaks, because of some external factors, I think of him by chance, think of his arrogance, his pride, even his rudeness, and his strengths and weaknesses that fascinate and unforgettable for me, but as long as I think of my work , Thinking of the future, I will put away all my thoughts related to Yuzhi, and calmly accept all the unchangeable reality in front of me.I myself have been proud of my strength and self-esteem more than once, and I even think that I should be called a strong person.But until today, I discovered that all my strength is still so fragile, and the scars that I think have healed are still inflamed under the simulated skin.Because after Chang Tianli mentioned Yu Zhi, the pain in my heart seemed to return to the morning of the divorce. I almost saw myself riding a bicycle to escape from Yu Zhi. , the bone-piercing pain I experience.

I don't know if Chang Tianli has seen my emotional changes, but there is no doubt that Chang Tianli, a woman without compassion, has no mercy for my situation.She sat behind a neatly tidied desk, staring at me with a pair of hopeful eyes, as if she wanted to find the privacy she needed from my face to adjust her life after dinner. My brain was too slow to react, or I was too sensitive to Zhi this person, I raised my head suddenly in a flash like she hoped, and almost didn't think to cover up my desire, that is, I really wanted to know what she saw What are you doing? There was a smug light in her eyes, because this topic aroused my concern, especially brought out the pain that I had no time to hide, her two folded legs under the table began to dot rhythmically, and the one that landed on the ground My high-heeled shoes are hitting the ground like a small hammer beating a drum, as if celebrating my pain with a gong and a drum.She said with a hint of mystery, I can see him with a girl, as if looking at a set of furniture.

The moment I heard this sentence, the first reaction in my heart was to shout "No!" in despair.Could it be that he already has a girlfriend and is about to get married.No!I shouted in despair again in my heart.Almost at the same time, I seemed to have suddenly fallen into a terrible deep well. Apart from the boundless darkness in front of my eyes, I was completely icy cold.Now, I know what despair is and what real fear is.I suddenly understood that all my self-esteem and self-improvement these days, and even my divorce was actually just to cause those two words "hate". A cold war, I just hope that through this cold war, I can regain my husband through my own efforts, and renew our unfinished fate with him.That's definitely what I think, I feel like our bond is still unfinished, even though I've been reluctant to admit it, but to this day, when the wishful thinking in my heart that I didn't want to admit finally failed, I was completely crushed .

I looked at Chang Tianli, who was passing diagonally, in a trance, and she actually laughed amidst my extremely embarrassing expression.But what was even more surprising was that she actually said something confusing with a naive expression, she said, you have to be careful, Yu Zhi is an attractive man! I understand Meng Limeng, but I don't know what Chang Tianli means.I always felt that everyone in the unit knew about me, especially Chang Tianli.Therefore, when Chang Tianli suddenly said this sentence, which seemed to be unaware of my marriage, I became a little dizzy for a while.For almost a minute, my eyes stayed on Chang Tianli's red mouth, hoping to see something from it.I really don't know whether Chang Tianli mentioned Yu Zhi because she wanted to hurt me or to laugh at me, but I am sure that Chang Tianli's intentions are definitely not kind, because from many signs, Zhou Zhuwen and Yang An seem to know What about my divorce, let alone Chang Tianli, a woman who is best at spying on other people's privacy?

In Chang Tianli's laughter, I felt my nerves being pricked by something, and then driven by an incredible mysterious force, I suddenly woke up from the despair and fear I fell into just now.I felt that Chang Tianli's face smeared with white powder and her plump, ruddy lips were like a poisonous flower. I almost wanted to rush over to pick her off and trample her to death.Maybe it was out of the instinct to protect myself from harm, maybe it was out of some kind of vanity, I was beyond my expectation, facing her proud look, I calmly said, that is my cousin, she is getting married, because she Her fiancé has not come back from abroad, so Yu Zhi is helping her buy furniture these days.

After speaking, I walked out.I didn't see Chang Tianli's expression after hearing my nonsense, and I didn't want to look at it, maybe because I was guilty and didn't dare to look at it. I walked out of the office under Chang Tianli's nose, trying my best to maintain a calm posture, maintain my self-esteem and the last reason.In the resentment towards Chang Tianli, in the shame of lying because of vanity, especially in the physical and mental frustration of knowing Yuzhi's situation, I walked out of the unit building, out of the compound, and came to the street.The snow has stopped, and the sun is shining from the distant sky, reflecting the white world.

I can't face Zhi's finding someone else in such a short period of time, and I can't even imagine how Yu Zhi discarded all the feelings of more than ten years in such a short period of time.Is it the reason why men are more likely to forget, or Yu Zhi's too rational personality, how can there be a newcomer in such a short period of time?I believe that is Yu Zhi's new girlfriend. With Yu Zhi's personality, he will neither spend too much time on women nor do unnecessary work.His dating is likely to be a prelude to marriage.Thinking of this, I once again experienced the pain of losing all my intentions.The wind was blowing by my side, and the cold tears kept sliding down my face. At that time, my biggest wish was to find a place and cry a lot.Cry out all the grievances, pain, and helplessness of the past few months.But everything is predestined, even if she cried down the Great Wall, what would Meng Jiangnu change?

The setting sun burned redder and redder in tears, like bonfires burning in the sky, illuminating the receding day for the last time.I rode a bicycle from the east city across the city to the west city in this last glory, and then ran from the west city back to the east city in the last light of the setting sun, when the darkness filled the surroundings and covered the crowds of pedestrians on the street , I stopped in front of a familiar building amidst the surrounding street lights.I parked the car and watched the flow of people leaving get off work in front of the building with a confused face.There were a few familiar faces walking past, talking and laughing, but I couldn’t remember whether I knew them, until one of the young men suddenly stood in front of me and called my sister-in-law loudly, I didn’t notice that this building was Yu Zhi's office building, and that young man used to be Yu Zhi's subordinate! I understood my intention: I want to see Yu Zhi. The flow of people gradually became intermittent, less and less, and finally calmed down, like a dry riverbed after the river has run out, exposing the desolate tranquility.I stood by the sidewalk not far below the Zhi office building, like the sad trees beside me, writing desolation all over my face in the cold night.An hour passed, and Yu Zhi still hadn't come out, and two hours passed, and I still didn't see Yu Zhi.I was so hungry, I started to have a dull pain in my stomach, and then it turned into a kink pain, and I knew the stomach problem had started again.However, I can't tell why I want to meet you so much this night, to prove that he has a girlfriend?Or is it because of pure thoughts in my heart?I braved the cold wind of deep winter and waited from less than six o'clock until eleven o'clock, but I didn't wait for that familiar figure and that face that made me resent and make me unforgettable. In the evening, I suffered from insomnia again, and I was thinking about Yuzhi almost all night, thinking about our first love, marriage, our happiness, troubles, and my life and thoughts after we separated, as well as Yuzhi's situation.I spent the whole second day in uncontrollable irritability and depression.The silvery snow scene outside the window and the picturesque tree hangings can't improve my mood.Dusk came at last, and after it hastily flooded the snow-white earth with howling winds, I felt my heavy heart go mad.In the irresistible paranoia, I wrapped that bright down jacket and rode my bicycle across the frozen mirror-like road. After several muddled wrestlings, I came to Yu again with an inexplicable longing. To the front of the building. All the scenes are the same as yesterday, only there are more wrestlers.I stood in front of his building, again like a tree stump in a snowstorm, from 5:30 to 10:00, and then returned to the home I once shared with nothing but a sense of loss in my heart.What's wrong with me?Am I going crazy?I feel that I have never been so flustered and irritable. In every corner of my body, I can feel unspeakable confusion and pain, like swarms of termites biting frantically, making me unable to clam down. On the third day, the situation did not improve at all, so that the fluctuations caused in my heart were like the monstrous waves in the depths of the sea, still roaring continuously.In this continuous torment, I feel more and more like a broken machine, which may be scrapped due to some accidental factors at any time during the extraordinary dangerous operation.And at the dusk of this day, large flakes of snowflakes floated in the sky again.With a shivering heart, I floated into the snow again like an unconscious shadow.Standing in the fog of flying flowers, at that moment, I really hope that I can also turn into a pure snowflake, flying and spinning freely in the sky, without pain, without thoughts, and can choose any place at any time to be myself habitat.When the sun comes out, it slowly melts, or evaporates into the air, or penetrates into the earth, leaving the earth and people with good memories, which is the expectation for the coming year. The more beautiful the fantasy, the more cruel the reality. When the cold wind penetrated my body more and more strongly, in addition to the body's stiffness, I also felt a stiff sting on my face.I bowed my head, squinted my blank eyes, and walked forward in the snow.When I stopped the car unconsciously and felt that I had arrived at my destination, I found myself in front of Yu Zhi's building again like a ghost. I can't tell whether it's because the arrival of the previous two days made me used to waiting here after get off work, or because of my deep concern for Zhi. Anyway, only standing there can I feel that the restlessness in my heart has calmed down a little.So, on the streets of Feixue, I set up the car again, turned up the collar of the down jacket, and began to wait hopelessly. The flow of people getting off work is getting thinner, and the people coming and going are getting thinner. I am covered in snowflakes, and I seem to be slowly turning into an unconscious, clumsy snowman, even forgetting the purpose of standing here .In Yu Zhi's office building, there were still sporadic staff coming in and out, but I almost forgot to look at their faces, and even more forgot to pay attention to whether Yu Zhi had ever appeared.Perhaps the reason why I no longer have illusions about discovering Yuzhi, or maybe it’s because I’m standing here just to calm my inner anxiety, so the name Yuzhi flew into my ears without leaving a trace like a flying insect at night, and Yuzhi I barely reacted when it appeared in my sight like a mystery. At that time, I was looking at the gate of Yuzhi's office compound in a daze, and I didn't know what to think.A red car with its taillights flashing slowly came to a stop at the door.I felt that the figure of the man walking out of it was so familiar, but I only thought of this.Under my casual gaze, the man quickly walked across the compound in the messy snowflakes and stepped up the steps.At this time, a sweet voice came faintly, and the words she called out were: Sincerely, your key! Yu Zhi, I suddenly realized that the woman poking her head out of the car was calling Yu Zhi.I was stunned for a moment.Am I not equal to Zhi? I quickly turned my head and followed the woman's line of sight to see the man—the man who made me unforgettable.He was trotting back towards the red car through the snow and fog.I saw his familiar face, the familiar smile on his face, and even the familiar eyes on his face.Despite the snowflakes, despite the darkness, I still see him clearly, no!It should be that he has been recognized clearly, that kind of recognition is not recognized by the eyes, but felt with the heart.Ten years of feelings, months of longing, all these are enough to make me feel clearly and clearly.No matter how he changes, no matter how many obstacles there are in front of me, I can perceive everything about him. However, he wasn't running towards me, nor was his smile.He didn't even notice my presence.Standing in front of him, I have become a complete outsider, a person who has nothing to do with his life. He ran to the car not far in front of me, ran away from under my nose, and then happily ran out of the building and got into the young woman's car.When their car slowly drove away from the courtyard gate and merged into the traffic on the street, I didn't know where the courage came from, I also took a car and followed them. The car drove farther and farther, and the bustling urban area disappeared behind him like a white mist.When the fare increased with the beating of the taxi meter, a trace of regret began to grow in my heart, and I began to blame my behavior over and over again: What am I doing?Yu Zhi is already a free man, why should I follow him? The car finally drove into a garden community, and I found that this community was a high-end community often promoted by the media.When did Yu Zhi make a fortune?How can one afford such a house?And that red car, don't know if it's his? The car door opened, and Yu Zhi and the woman got out of the car each carrying a bunch of things.Some of the things in large packages, I guess they must be quilt covers or bedspreads, it seems that they must be furnishing their home.Thinking of this, I couldn't help feeling a strong resentment in my chest.A few minutes after they entered through the intercom door downstairs, the windows of the west door on the fourth floor were lit.I walked over and rang the intercom on the fourth floor. A woman's voice came from the door. Although it was a very short sentence, I could still hear the youthfulness and cheerfulness in the voice.She said, who are you looking for? I replied old-fashionedly, is this Yu Zhi's home? She still sweetly replied, yes.Who are you? Instead of answering her question, I interrupted her and asked again, are you her wife? She smiled sweetly, yes! I burst into tears suddenly. The confirmation of this news was too exciting for me, because my idea of ​​breaking through the world and returning to the garden failed.At that moment, facing the thick and ruthless iron gate, I burst into tears.I forgot what she asked later, and I couldn't remember how I answered it. I only remembered that when Yu Zhi's voice came from the small digital board in front of the door, I ran away. At night, I developed a high fever, and my body was like a thin leaf, floating on the surface of a pool of black water like ink, fluttering and wobbling.I kept thinking that if I moved a little and the pressure was no longer even, I might overturn, or even sink and drown.I told myself over and over again, if you die, you will die. It is too insecure to stay like this. If you don’t sink today, you will fall one day... When I woke up in the morning, I found a glass of milk and two tablets on the bedside table. The bread with eggs is next to the son's message: Mom, I went to school, you are working too hard, sleep more, I will make breakfast for you. My son left me the milk again!My son's early sensibleness always reminds me of Li Yuhe's singing line in "The Story of the Red Lantern", "The child of the poor will be the head of the family early".Since my son knew about the difficulties we faced, he seemed to have grown up all of a sudden. Every bit of his maturity not only did not bring me comfort, but made me feel a little bit more guilty.I don't know if I can give back the childhood happiness to my son before he grows up, and I don't know if I can still compensate my son for the happiness he deserved in his childhood in this life. Looking at my son's message, I thought of Yu Zhi again.Because my son is imitating his father's words and deeds almost unconsciously to some extent, sometimes I am always puzzled that Zhi has not gone far. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why I have always been ambiguous about Zhi. I still feel that Yu Zhi is a member of the family, and deep in my heart, intentionally or subconsciously, I feel that one day Yu Zhi will still return to this family, just like after returning from a business trip.Perhaps because of this, I lost my mind when I suddenly learned that Yu Zhi was planning to start a family, and became mentally broken after confirming the news. I ate my breakfast because I knew I had to take care of myself, for my son, and now I had nothing else to look forward to.Then, I found a few antipyretics from the medicine box and ate them with water. Maybe it's the effect of the medicine, maybe it's because the light in the room is too dark through the dense curtains, maybe it's because I'm too tired, and as soon as my head touches the pillow, I start to feel drowsy.The feeling of fluttering thoughts and estrangement of consciousness also became like a bird swimming freely in an instant, flying around the sky above the house.I really want to go to sleep and never wake up, throw away all burdens, including physical and mental.I heard deep in my mind say, let Yu Zhi go!Let the job titles go!Let the history of light industry go!Let go of the position of director!Also, let the nasty Chang Tianli go!I want to sleep, and sleep steadily! However, I didn't sleep well.All the things I tried my best to avoid rolled around with the turbulent sea water in front of me, Chang Tianli's face and bright red lips, the director's shiny head, my job title declaration form, and my manuscript were all in the ink. Ups and downs and rotations in ordinary cold water, like a huge washing machine without edges running at high speed, holding up, throwing down, and floating up those fame and fortune exuding despicable smells and those who chase after fame and fortune in the world for a while.Wearing that bright down jacket, I was in this stinky water, and together with Chang Tianli and others, I rose or fell with the current.The water turned darker and colder, and my swollen down jacket was slowly soaked in water, becoming heavy, and began to slowly pull me down into the water. I felt that I was being swallowed by black water.The snow was still floating, falling on the surrounding sea water to form a pure white layer, I even vaguely saw the outlines of those churning waves undulating under the snow, and my poor little black dot in the vast snow layer kind of head.When I was finally about to sink, I suddenly saw a black shadow on the coast not far away.One of his hands raised a red button aloft. That's Yu Zhi!I suddenly felt two round teardrops falling out of my eyes, like that round button. However, the moment I saw it clearly, I was sucked in by a huge force, and the black head like a decimal point suddenly melted and disappeared into the snow, leaving two red tears like that one. The red buttons are clamped on the snow layer, like plum blossoms blooming in winter, sad and bright.And I, who was about to drown in the dark and cold water, finally uttered a long cry when I realized that I was about to die: Yu-zhi, save-me! I was awakened by my own hoarse cry, dripping in cold sweat, looking around with teary eyes, hoping to see Yu Zhi.In the silent house, I can almost hear my cry piercing the sea and the sky, still ringing in my ears.For a while, I didn't figure out whether I was still in a dream, or what happened just now wasn't a dream in the first place. It was the ringing of the phone that woke me up to reality. I stretched out my arms around the empty milk glass, answered the phone, restrained the sobs from the dream, and let out a hoarse greeting. A soft greeting came, and I, who was immersed in sadness, barely figured out who it was.When I heard the name "Li Zifeng" announced by the cheerful voice in the microphone, I had to adjust myself quickly and answer his question with the shortest words. He said, I have good news for you, your title has been passed by the jury. I should have been excited, I should have thanked him happily, because this is the result I have been waiting for for nearly three years.But I have no joy, not even a little emotion.I just swallowed the sourness brewing deep in my throat and said a word without expression, thank you. Li Zifeng didn't notice my abnormality, and he was still talking about the job title evaluation with excitement.In fact, at that moment, I felt that I didn't care about these things anymore. I just listened to his monologue mechanically. I couldn't hear what he was saying, and I couldn't figure out what I was thinking.Then Li Zifeng changed the subject, saying: Why don't you go to work?Is there a problem? In the helplessness, the sudden caring greeting, like a pickaxe, opened a big hole in my disguised calm. While I said carefully, it's okay, it's just... just a little cold, I found myself again Also out of control.When the last two characters jumped out of the mouth, and the mouth shape of the character "Mao" had not yet recovered, the long-suffering sadness broke out through this black hole.Almost at the same time, I heard my mournful voice like a boring bullet, while cutting through the silence of the room, it was transmitted to the other end of the microphone along with the invisible electric wave without leaving a trace. I couldn't hear what Li Zifeng was saying, and I didn't want to find out.All I feel is to hell with everything.Now that you have started to cry, and since you can't hide it, let's just cry to our heart's content.I cried for my fate, for my difficulties, for my marriage, for my family, for my infatuation, and for years of hard work at work.My crying overwhelmed Li Zifeng's ambiguous words, like a wave of new wind soaked in sadness, howling continuously. More than an hour later, Li Zifeng sat on the head of my bed.I can't remember how I ended up crying on the phone, how I hung up and fell asleep again.I just remember floating in the dark cold water like a fluffy ball of cotton again.When there was a bang on the door, I always wondered if it was the bubbling bubbling of the icy cold water beneath me.Finally, I woke up with the sound of knocking on the door. In the feeling of dampness, I found that the bedding under my body seemed to have been soaked by the black water coming from my dream.I supported my weak body and opened the door for the anxious Li Zifeng. Perhaps it was due to the sufficient amount of antipyretics. After sweating a lot, I felt a lot lighter, and the emotional collapse seemed to be alleviated.I drank the glass of warm water that Li Zifeng brought me, like a helpless wanderer grateful for a little charity. At noon, in a drowsy state, I ate a bowl of hot braised noodles that Li Zifeng made for me, then took the medicine and fell asleep again.And this time, I seemed to have returned to the dream in the morning. I saw myself struggling in the wind and waves again, and there were large snowflakes floating in the air with the wind, hitting my face and eyes.Yu Zhi was still standing on the shore and watching indifferently, watching me up and down in the sea and calling for help.I heard myself on the verge of despair again, calling out to him for help, so, so... So Zhi didn't come, but I woke up in the shaking of Li Zifeng.Looking over Li Zifeng's shoulder, I can almost vaguely see the rolling black water filling up like a puff of smoke, and beyond the swirling black mist, it is quietly disappearing like a mysterious ghost. When Yu Zhi's figure completely disappeared from sight, I experienced the feeling of collapse again, and burst into tears uncontrollably.I don't know if it was Li Zifeng who hugged me into his arms, or I fell into his arms by myself.I heard myself repeating a sentence subconsciously throughout my mournful cry: Yu Zhi, I really don't want me anymore, Yu Zhi really doesn't want me anymore, so I have a new wife... I couldn't figure out whether this was a dream or reality, and I forgot whether I should keep some distance from Li Zifeng. All I felt was utter despair. Just when I was crying so darkly, Li Zifeng suddenly leaned back, pulled me out of his arms, and then pinched my shoulder tightly with one hand, and turned my head off with the other. stand up.Almost at the same time, a shout came from the opposite side: You give me a stop! Like being hit by a bullet, I stopped crying and opened my swollen tearful eyes.At this time, I saw the faint light flickering on the top of Li Zifeng's head again, and I also saw clearly the dense wrinkles between the browbones on his thin face, and the black stubble on his chin. I was stunned, and I had already put the feeling of being topless just behind my mind, just sitting blankly waiting for what was about to happen.Li Zifeng grabbed my shoulders again and said loudly while shaking: For so many years, in my mind, you have always been a proud woman, a noble woman.I didn't expect such a small thing to make you so irrational and without dignity... I was extremely sad, not because of the scene in the dream just now, nor because of the blurred figure, nor because of the young wife, but because of Li Zifeng's so-called "dignity" and "pride" just now.I sat upright next to Li Zifeng, and opened my mouth uglyly. Tears flooded from my red and swollen eye sockets, and poured down from my cheeks without any cover.Yes, where do I still have reason and dignity, the last bit of my dignity was actually left on the morning of the divorce, on the note I sent to Yu Zhi.And that kind of ending precisely determines the focus and content of my future life.Although I endured all the pain and longing and worked hard since then, what kind of mentality do I live and work with?In the corners of my heart covered with several layers, only I know that my secret hidden intention is: for one day, I will prove something to Yu Zhi! But, now or later, to whom do I prove it? Li Zifeng lifted my shoulders again with greater strength, which forced me to face his face again.His expression softened, and his eyes began to reveal a gentle expression, like a large soft feather blowing gently on my face.With a low sigh, he said tenderly: I know you are very sad, but you have to remember that you are a cultured and well-educated woman, you can be independent, and you can live well by yourself... how can that be possible?how can that be possible?I shook my head wildly with tears in my eyes, expressing my doubts. Why not, you are a woman with culture and income.And, if you want, you can have a better love. can iMy heart was suddenly touched by Li Zifeng's new question.Since leaving Yu Zhi, I never thought of accepting another man, let alone forming another family, because deep down in my heart, that place is still reserved for Yu Zhi. can!Li Zifeng's voice became deeper and more soothing, and because of the conversation with Li Zifeng, especially the transfer of new topics, I began to break away from the depression of collapse.Seeing that my mood improved, he patted me lightly with the hand he had put on my back at some point and said: In fact, you are a very attractive woman. You are smart, sincere, and considerate, which makes you charming. In life and work, I also found that you often appear unusually strong at critical moments, but this You haven't tapped enough potential.This kind of persistence is enough to make you independent if you want to. Regarding Li Zifeng's analysis, I cannot judge whether it is all correct.However, in some places, I do agree.For example, being smart, sincere, and understanding, I think it's not bad, but I can't make a conclusion about whether it's charming or not.And what he said about the "strong" potential "at the critical moment" reminded me of the strength I gritted my teeth when I divorced Yu Zhi. persistent.If it is said that this potential is not tapped enough, in fact, I think these two things may be the only strong things I have done in this life. From this point of view, I really need to give full play to this potential in order to better adapt to my future life. The tears on my face have been evaporated by the sizzling heating in the house, my face is tense, as if stuck with a layer of glue, and my spirit has stabilized, and the room was covered with an atmosphere of silence for a while.Someone was going upstairs in the corridor, and there was a sound of footsteps.When the rhythmic footsteps came closer and closer to my door, we were awake almost at the same time, and our ears were pricked up to listen with great vigilance.I can't tell why we got nervous, or what kind of psychology it was.And when the footsteps continued to beat rhythmically and got farther and farther away, we all breathed a sigh of relief.It didn't matter that we were relaxed, we suddenly found that both of us were in an awkward situation: I was leaning over Li Zifeng's arms, and he was holding me tightly with both hands. I felt my cheeks heat up, and quickly withdrew my body.但是，当我仰身起来时，却发现李子峰手上力量更大了。接下来，从我的头上方，传来李子峰耳语般低柔的声音： do not move! 或许是习惯于他是领导，或许因为他正在向我表达某种我正在需要的安慰，我立即停下了起身的动作，像一只听话的动物乖乖俯身在他的怀里。他仍然穿着红色羊绒衫，并从这种暖红的色调里向外渗着类似书香的男人气味。这种气味，以及红色的气氛和柔软毛衫的触感在一瞬间勾起我内心深处对男性的一种渴望。已经很久了，我几乎忘记了与男人肌肤相亲的感觉，甚至男人的气息，男人的身体我都感到陌生了，更何况这样一个与于致完全不同的男人。我躺在他怀里，感觉自己的情绪似一叶飘萍正浮在一条湍流而下的河水中，向着不测的未来漂去。 在越来越快的心跳中，我在等着他接下来的话语，然而，他什么也没说，只是低下头将他热乎乎潮乎乎的嘴唇贴在了我的额头上。那一刻，我所有的感觉是晕头转向，因为在我的逻辑中，应该有爱的表白才有亲吻。然而，他没有作任何表白，这使我一时间搞不清楚他是否真的爱我，。我一时想不清楚应该将脸扭过去以逃开他的吻，还是应该对他的吻有所反应。我像一架高速运转着的机器飞速在脑子里整理着我们之间的关系。就在我糊里糊涂像一截木头任他搂抱不知如何反应的时候，终于听见脸颊旁热乎乎的气息里冒出的一句话： I love you! 他终于明明白白说出了一句表示我们关系的话语。这是一句带着压抑和渴望，又极富诱惑的话语，我似乎有很多年不曾听到这样的表白，也有很长时间不曾有过这样的冲动了，因此当这三个字像一串红色的音符带着神秘的触觉飘进耳朵时，我还是在一刹那变得僵硬起来了。我不知道我是在这么短的时间里忘了于致？还是在这么短的时间里爱上了他？反正当他继续低着头用他的嘴唇慢慢将我的脸翻转过来，并且将嘴唇贴在我的嘴上时，我有一刹那变得眩晕起来。 我被他搂在怀里，在他呼呼的喘息声中，在他暖热的身体气息中，感到自己正在向空中飘起，越飘越远，越远越轻。在恍恍惚惚的感觉中，我听见他满怀激情地说： 我要照顾你，要保护你，我要让你幸福，给你一个新家庭。 这是一个敏感的话题，在这样的许诺里，我一下子从梦幻中清醒过来，我想起我艰难的生活，想起对于致的绝望……当他激情的喃喃声再一次重复传来时，我一下子紧紧搂住了他。我知道只要有了他，我的物质生活会一如从前，只要有了他，我也将不再受常天丽的欺负，只要有了他，我也许会将于致慢慢忘记，从而不再受思念的折磨。就这样，在这特殊的时刻，我下定决心要爱上他，而接下来，我也确实觉得自己爱上了他。 剩下的事情，似乎一切都是顺理成章的。他慢慢将我放平，开始揭开自己的领带，脱下自己的毛衫……而所有这些过程我几乎都是在一种眯着眼睛的沉醉中度过的。如果说那时的感觉是一种迷失的话，我想或许应该说是在溺水时暂时抓住一根救命稻草的感动更确切些。 然而，当我从迷醉的状态中平静下来，像以往每次与于致做完爱后的习惯动作一样，闭着眼伸手摸向身旁正在退潮的男人时，却没有摸着如春草一样丰厚的头发，手下却是一片滑溜溜的头皮，又光又硬像一片不生杂草的青石板。在这一刻，我一下子清醒了，身上甚至突然长出一层鸡皮疙瘩，而那颗一直飘在天空的心也一下子掉了下来。What's wrong with me?我是在乎这一点小小的缺陷？还是因为突然感到了他与于致的不同而导致的心里障碍？但是，不管怎样，我清楚地知道我需要这个男人，尤其是在发生了这样的变故后，我更需要抓住这个男人，这或许是我唯一的救命稻草。因此，当他慢慢转过身重新搂抱住我后，我竭力做出一副灿烂的微笑迎接他，并且再次依偎在他的怀里，以此来躲避看见那颗头顶。 就这样，我的生命接受了第二个男人。