Chapter 7 Chapter Six

My father seemed to have grown older overnight. When I got up the next day and went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast, I saw my father's pale hair standing in front of the stove.I never believed that I could have a head full of gray hair in one night, but now that I faced my father's sudden graying, I really understood this sentence. My father turned around slowly, and I was taken aback again, because two fuzzy black pits appeared on my father's skinny walnut skin-like cheeks, as if being sucked by some kind of force inside the mouth.This should also be an overnight change.I think I have deeply understood what kind of torture and pain my father endured overnight, and how he survived this long night.Although I know that it is difficult for a traditional and conservative father to accept such a fact, I did not expect that the poor father faced what happened to his only daughter, almost like an old dilapidated house suddenly hit by a rainstorm, and it was on the verge of collapse. up.

I tried my best to calm down the surging excitement, and moved my eyes from my father's face to the pot that was emitting milky white gas.From the next thing I saw in the pot of corn porridge, a kind of porridge that I often ate in my hometown in the countryside, I suddenly understood the strength of my father: he has come out of deep pain and decided to spend the present time with his daughter. It's a poor day.I walked over, picked up the rice spoon, vigorously stirred the frothy yellow porridge, and swallowed the choking sound that rose to my throat continuously as strings of tears spilled into the pot.I really hope that my father can scold me like I did when I did something wrong when I was a child, so as to relieve the unusual blow and psychological guilt that I brought to my father at his age.However, the father didn't say anything, he just accepted the status quo with silence and helplessness, and used his old body to deeply hide the unspeakable pain.He even tried to put on a calm stance, deceiving himself by saying:

I always drink milk in the morning, I'm tired of drinking it, I want polenta. I raised my tearful eyes, and quickly glanced at my father's distorted and stupid face because of suppressing and hiding the pain, then dropped the rice spoon with a "clang", turned around and rushed out of the kitchen, ran into the bathroom, turned on the faucet, and said "wow, huh, huh, huh!" "Woooo cried in the sound of water. The father had no choice but to accept the cruel reality, the reality that his only daughter, whom he had always been proud of, was divorced.I was always afraid that my father would blame me and ask the reason for my divorce, but my father never asked.Faced with such a foregone conclusion, perhaps he felt that he was powerless, and perhaps he no longer wanted to touch the painful scar.In the days to come, what he did more was to use his aging body to take care of me and my son, like a silent and laborious camel, stubbornly, with a bent and thin back, silently snatching More chores.

The difficulty of life can be imagined. At some point, my old father found an account from my desk. It was the detailed income and expenditure recorded for two months in order to better manage my salary when I just got divorced.Therefore, he clearly knows my salary, the necessary monthly expenses of the family, and other possible expenses.Like all the old people in laid-off families, he started to buy the cheapest vegetables in the market with his vegetable basket, haggling with the small vendors for a dime.I even saw with my own eyes the embarrassing scene of my poor father being pursued by the peddler because he was short of a dime.But this is not the saddest thing for me. What hurts me the most is the scene where my father quietly avoided meeting acquaintances with me several times in order not to embarrass me.Because I have no extra money to buy clothes for the old people in the city for my father, and my father stubbornly took over the task of buying vegetables in order to save more money on vegetables, which made him have to walk through the vegetable market every day , and in order to buy cheap vegetables, he gets up early almost every day to go to the morning market to buy vegetables that do not have to pay management fees.

On my way to work in the morning, I often see my father’s hunchbacked figure holding a cabbage.At this moment, I would feel infinite guilt, and secretly vowed that I would use all my strength to make achievements at work, just like I did when I was admitted to college, so as to live up to the hard work of my elderly father. The difficult days survived the twelfth lunar month and the Spring Festival.Yu Zhi also went to his son's school before the festival to send living expenses while watching his son.In this way, although our Spring Festival was not complete, but with the efforts of our son and father, we also had a good time.Whenever I see the old and the young talking and laughing happily around the shabby food on the dining table, I can't help but feel a faint pain in my heart.Compared with our neighbors and colleagues, or even our past, our Spring Festival is also the only time my father spends the New Year with us in the city, but it is the most shabby Spring Festival since I lived in the city.This made me feel more guilt towards my father, and at the same time, I had no choice but to work harder to comfort my uneasy conscience by writing that topic.

In this kind of hard work and struggle, the manuscript is growing by leaps and bounds. At this speed, I think it can be completed in about half a month.For the purpose in my heart, for the sake of my old father and young son, I decided to completely break with my past, and I wanted to be a strong woman.For this reason, on the second day of the Spring Festival, I made a bold decision: I want to pay New Year's greetings to Li Zifeng in order to deepen the relationship with the leader.Because in March, that is, after the holiday is over, the work of evaluating professional titles will start immediately. If the manuscript cannot be used by then, it can only rely on Li Zifeng's activities.

I finally tore up Qinggao's image completely, and bought a high-end tie for Li Zifeng with my son's one-month living expenses.On the night when I went to Li Zifeng's house to give gifts, I spent almost half an hour dressing myself up, and even spent more than ten minutes choosing clothes.From many years of work experience, I have deeply realized the important role of appearance image on a person's success, especially for women.Therefore, I hope that Li Zifeng can like me from the perspective of a man in addition to being a leader who appreciates his subordinates.I put on light makeup, wore a set of high-end dresses and a black camel hair coat that Yu Zhi bought with me, and a milky white cashmere scarf around my neck. I hesitated for a while in front of the mirror until I was full of confidence.

Under the suspicious eyes of my son and father, I walked out of the house carrying a small gift bag with a tie, and walked into the night with a very strong New Year's atmosphere.On the street, there are young lovers in twos and threes and a group of students who look like students. They pass by leisurely. There is also a pair of young parents taking a child for a walk. Occasionally, fireworks fly into the air and disperse giant mushroom-shaped colorful lights. The fireworks attracted passers-by to stop and watch.However, walking through this festive atmosphere, I didn't feel the slightest joy and ease. I don't know how this action will make Li Zifeng think of me, and I don't know whether it will have the expected effect, but anyway, I I thought, I have to go, and I have to please him as much as possible.

The cold wind soaked through the thin clothes on his body, and he felt that the bones in his bones were filled with cold air.For the sake of beauty, I hardly wear cotton coats with good thermal performance, not even a pair of thick woolen trousers.Shaking, I was distracted thinking about my next move, even thinking about what to do if I ran into a colleague.When I stepped into the empty elevator and looked at the blurred shadow on the bright elevator wall, I suddenly felt that life might have been like the shadow on the opposite side, but it was just like a dream.Aren't many ancients and even modern people lamenting that life is like a dream?If it's like a dream, why can't it really be a dream?Since it is like a dream, is there any need to be serious?Since it's like a dream, is it nothing after that?Since it is like a dream, do I still need to fight and struggle like this?And tonight's gift-giving, is it just a fleeting cloud of smoke?

I really wanted to go back, and when the elevator's indicator light showed the floor I was going to, I almost closed the elevator again and went down.However, the other me deep in my heart is not reconciled anyway. I heard her desperately stopping: No, I should not allow myself to be so pessimistic, let alone give up the things I have decided so easily.Who knows life?Who can guess fate?Now that I have come to this point, now that I have decided, now that I have bought, and now that I have come, I should stick to it.The so-called "people plan things, but heaven makes things happen" also requires the efforts of people first.Even if life is like a dream, when the dream is not finished, I have no choice but to keep going... I finally overcome my weakness and frustration, while adjusting the expression on my face, while suppressing my restless heart, He knocked on the door of Li Zifeng's house.

With the brilliance on his head, Li Zifeng greeted me with an expression of first surprise and then joy.This eased the worries that had been lingering in my heart, and even the tension just now disappeared with Li Zifeng's warm and warm greeting.Sitting on the soft sofa, I couldn't help admiring Li Zifeng's other kind of mood - that is the gentle husband and father's mood in the family. Li Zifeng walked back and forth, happily carrying all kinds of snacks and snacks, however, these did not arouse my interest, because I was already attracted by the beautiful bar-style cabinet opposite.In addition to all kinds of weird handicrafts on it, a pair of boy and girl plush dolls are attracting me with their charming naivety.I couldn't help but went over to pick it up, touched it, looked at it, and was amazed that a nerdy man like Li Zifeng had such a toy. In fact, this was not what surprised me the most about Li Zifeng that night. It was the next scene that really touched the tenderness in my heart as a woman: Beside the large bar is a Japanese room. Sliding the door, the moment Li Zifeng flashed out from behind the door, a strong vegetable smell wafted out from inside.Following the opening and closing of the door, I saw the square restaurant inside and a drawer of freshly made dumplings on the dining table. Li Zifeng's wife passed away a few years ago, and his daughter went to Japan with her aunt to go to university last year. Li Zifeng's mother lived in his sister's house after recovering from illness.He—a man making dumplings by himself? Once again, I was driven by strong curiosity and walked in through the beautiful sliding door. At this time, the smell of stuffing wafted into my nose more strongly as I walked forward. I have to admit that the person who made dumpling stuffing must be Is a seasoning master.There was also a door half open behind the dining table, which must have been the kitchen, because when I got to the table, I could smell all the aromas coming out of that narrow door. With an unnatural expression on Li Zifeng's face, he began to rub his hands subconsciously.He said that his daughter came back years ago, and she likes to eat the dumplings he made the most, so he would pack a few catties of dumplings and freeze them in the refrigerator almost every two days, in case she wanted to eat them anytime. I felt a corner of my heart suddenly loosen, I don't know whether it is admiration or emotion.It never occurred to me, and of course it was even more impossible to see Li Zifeng's loving father, which made me feel that the dumpling in front of me was too disharmonious with the bookish man in the office, and it was this disharmony that caused me to be in trouble. I had mixed emotions towards Li Zifeng from the bottom of my heart.I can't tell whether this emotion is love, respect, or excitement.Dominated by such complex emotions, I quickly picked up the drawer of dumplings, opened the freezer door of the refrigerator in the corner, and froze it in. Li Zifeng, who tried to stop me, pressed down on a chair next to him, and began to wash his hands quickly, roll up his sleeves, and make the remaining dumplings. Maybe my behavior was a bit abrupt, and of course it might have aroused Li Zifeng's thoughts, but at that time, I seemed to be unwilling to think about these things.I only know that women's nature and traditional education make me unable to tolerate a man, a knowledgeable man like Li Zifeng, doing this kind of housework that a woman should do at home alone.No matter what Li Zifeng thinks of me, anyway, this night, I have decided that I did the right thing.With the support of this kind of psychology, I naturally sat in his kitchen and quickly made the remaining dumplings, as if I was at my own home, without restraint. I rolled slices for a while, made dumplings for a while, and chatted happily with Li Zifeng amidst his warm praises.I can’t remember when I was talking about the problem, I suddenly felt a bit sore in the nose, because I thought of Yu Zhi, because this scene was too similar to the scene that happened many times in my life with Yu Zhi——During the time when I was making dumplings When Yu Zhi is busy, or cooking, if he has time and interest, he will sit on the dining chair in the kitchen, watch me cook, and chat with me at the same time.This memory made me suddenly feel a strong longing in my heart.Li Zifeng was still talking excitedly at the side, I couldn't hear what he said, my mind was almost occupied by Yu Zhi.I kept thinking about whether he would eat dumplings alone, how he would celebrate the New Year alone, and I was still wondering whether he would think of our New Year celebration together, and whether he would arouse his inner tenderness because of the good things I had done in the past... I felt that the intensely suppressed emotions since the Spring Festival suddenly roared down like an avalanche, drowning me all at once. When I was caught in this sudden sadness and carried myself away, I was suddenly awakened by Li Zifeng's question.He is asking me with high spirits, are you right? I didn't know what he was asking, so I had to quickly change my mood and bow my head.At the same time, holding back the tears that were gushing out, I said, yes!Thanks to my long hair hanging down the side and covering my face, the expression on my face was not seen.I turned my head to the other side, picked up a handful of flour with my hand, and said in a relaxed tone, director, can you give me a glass of water, please? Li Zifeng bounced like a spring into the living room, and at the same time I turned my face away, two drops of tears already fell on the cutting board.By the time he returned with water, I had fully recovered. The dumplings were finally finished, I stood up to clean up the cutting board and other things, and then washed my hands.Water was rushing down from his hands, and Li Zifeng's vaguely joking voice came from the sound of the water, if I had known you were here today, I would have added more fillings to let you... I turned around and saw Li Zifeng's strange thoughtful eyes.In those small eyes, it was clear that something ambiguous had just appeared. Although it disappeared in a flash, it touched the sensitive area of ​​my heart. When I got back to the living room, I took out my tie.Li Zifeng's excited face immediately showed the joy from the heart without concealing it.As he declined, he kept expressing his gratitude to me for my kindness. Just then, his daughter came back.Like a dewy lotus, she smiled at me, looked at me, looked at the tie that hadn't been hidden in time, and then praised with a pun, "Auntie, it's good, it's good, it's very suitable for my dad."I hope my aunt can care more about my dad.What my dad needs most is a companion, you can miss it!Then, she gave us a look with ulterior motives and got into her room, leaving us outside in a moment of embarrassment and didn't know what to do. When we reacted, we all pretended not to understand to cover up our embarrassment.At this point, I found that the smart director Li Zifeng's IQ is not much higher than mine. Before leaving, Li Zifeng handed me a big bulging plastic bag, and explained that it was delivered by his younger brother who was the owner of the salted duck factory years ago, and it was too much for him to finish. Do him a favor by eating, or it will go to waste. I was still refusing, but he suddenly grabbed my hand and handed the bag rope to my hand, and then closed my hand without any doubt.Then, I felt the strength of his clenched hand suddenly increased, changed from the mildness and casualness just now, and said to me meaningfully in a rare considerate tone, work hard, I will help and support you, your title No problem this year. Finally, he squeezed my hand hard again and let me go.Illuminated by the bright crystal lamp in the living room, his eyes shone with damp light, like a drop of dew falling through the morning mist. The day before the end of the holiday, my father stubbornly returned home despite his son's crying and my dissuasion.When I saw my old father stumbling onto the train, I could hardly take a step forward. I was afraid that if I took another step, I would burst into tears in front of the public.He is already sixty-five years old, and because of the incompetence of his only daughter, he had no choice but to go back to his remote hometown to plant two acres of meager land alone, and he even hoped to exchange some money to supplement my family in the winter.My father bent over the windowpane and kept telling me, but I didn’t know what he said for a long time. All my energy was used to control my emotions to prevent my father from seeing my distress and let him return home with confidence. Home. The train slowly drove away from the station with my father full of worries. I stood in the cold wind and watched the train go away. Tears finally flowed down my face unscrupulously. In the second week of work, that is, the first week after the Lantern Festival on the 15th day of the first lunar month, the job title assessment work has already started to sign up.Just when I signed up happily and was peacefully dreaming of getting a job title, things suddenly changed.During a meeting one day, Li Zifeng announced that next week, that is, three days later, he would go to the party school for training, because that day was Friday.The time is three months.What made me even more anxious was that after the meeting, I couldn't find Li Zifeng again.In the afternoon, I looked at the door of Li Zifeng's office almost every half hour. Even sitting in the office, I stretched my ears to listen to the movement in the corridor. hear him. The people in the office were all gone, and the entire office building became silent after the noise of the rush hour.I sat in the office, leaning lazily on the back of the chair, staring blankly at the fluorescent lamp above my head, feeling the helplessness and helplessness of fate in its silent and lifeless light.Time passed with the thick twilight outside the window, but my full of melancholy grew with this passage. When the night was filled with waves of panic, I realized that I must find Li Zifeng and find out about him. Can he still participate in the professional title evaluation meeting? If not, can he still help me.And tomorrow is the weekend, he may go to take care of his mother, it is neither convenient nor easy to find him, once he goes to training, it will be even more difficult to find him. I forced myself to cheer up, knowing that I must cheer up and face the world independently, facing all kinds of difficulties and problems today and in the future.Only in this way can I use my own strength to fulfill the promise I made when I left Yuzhi, gain a foothold in society, and shoulder the burden of raising children and supporting the elderly in the future.With this kind of self-encouragement, I felt a kind of tragic power growing in my chest, like the water in the water gun my son used to play with when he was young, it rose rapidly under the pressure of the push rod, rushed out with a "swish", and poured into the body Every cell in my body, I feel that I am suddenly filled with the courage to live. At about seven o'clock, I arrived at the door of Li Zifeng's house.However, to my disappointment, no matter how I rang the doorbell, there was no response—Li Zifeng was not at home at all.Standing downstairs in this dormitory, looking at the people coming and going, I decided to wait like this, and I must settle the job title, because the only thing I can count on is him, and I know that as long as he comes forward, the job title will definitely be guaranteed .So no matter how busy he is, whether he wants to see me today or not, I don't even care if he can still help me, I have to do it. I was wearing a black mid-length wool coat, standing in a dark corner in the howling wind, staring at the movement and pedestrians in front of the dormitory building.There is a garden made of holly next to it, and there are several trees with intertwined branches, interlaced in seven and eight places, like a pile of firewood in the backyard of a farmer in the mountains.I wandered back and forth silently along the holly against the wall, and kept looking across.A pair of lovers came from the front, clinging to each other, walked to the garden hidden in the darkness, hugged each other not far from me, and laughed softly.Embarrassed, I had no choice but to move out of the darkness, leaving them the only place where I could hide. I was exposed to the bright lights in front of the dormitory building, and I felt uncomfortable, so I had to go downstairs to another dormitory building next to me, watching the movement and people coming here from afar.Buses, private cars and even taxis drove in and out, but I didn't see Li Zifeng with my eyes wide open. There were also people riding bicycles in and out in twos and threes, but I still didn't see Li Zifeng.Ten o'clock passed, and my determination to wait slowly disappeared with the deepening of the night and the reduction of pedestrians, and some of the lit windows on the opposite side began to go out.Just when I was deciding whether to go home, another taxi drove in from the corner, and I took a look almost without any hope. The faint light on the top of the bald head appeared miraculously.On cold nights, I found this bald spot so charming that I longed to go up and kiss it in the light.As I walked forward, I looked at my watch subconsciously. It was five minutes to eleven. I had to stop, almost looking for a corner to hide.Because the car door was open, the blurred white face on Chang Tianli's outstretched head and the high bun on top of her head were emerging from the car.I dodged into the entrance of a unit next to me, and then I heard Chang Tianli's voice vaguely from a distance, can you go up? I said no problem, no problem... This is Li Zifeng's voice. A minute later, the buzzing sound of a speeding taxi could be heard vaguely, like a black bird flying in the night sky, slipping vaguely and leaving mysteriously.I flashed out from the shadows, walked quickly to the front of Li Zifeng's house, and saw the sign of the elevator running upwards, so I pressed another elevator and went in quickly.After more than a minute, I had already stepped out of the elevator, just in time to see Li Zifeng standing in front of my house and unlocking it. I called out to the director, and Li Zifeng, who had his back to me, suddenly stopped what he was doing, turned his head, and continued what he had just done before turning around.Almost at the same time, he also spoke.It's just a change from the previous fluent and gentle, and he stumbled and said, why-how-you-haven't left yet? I suddenly realized that not only did he drink too much, but he also regarded me as Chang Tianli.I had a sudden thought, and in a mischievous manner, I simply made the mistake and said something along with his consciousness, can't it? At this time Li Zifeng had already opened the door, but he still didn't turn his head back, but said with a smile while entering the room, of course, it's just that in the middle of the night, if you go to a single man's house, can you still benefit from it? Because Li Zifeng didn't notice me, he still spoke in a glib tone that I had never seen before, which surprised me not only by Li Zifeng's other side, but also by his intimacy with Chang Tianli relation. At this time, he had already entered the room, staggered and fell onto the sofa in the living room, then, patted the sofa, squinted his eyes and said to me, just—sit whatever you want, or sit—come to my side Bar. I didn't sit down, just took off my coat and hung it on the hanger, then walked to the water dispenser behind the small sofa in the corner of the living room, got a cup of warm water, and brought it over.I squatted down in front of Li Zifeng who was climbing down, and handed the water to his hand. Holding the water glass, he babbled nonsense, and had to raise his head and upper body to drink water.When he held out the water glass for me to catch, I thought he must have been startled, because he rubbed his eyes suddenly, sat up straight with difficulty, and then rubbed his eyes again.After he saw me clearly, I felt that he was much sober. He opened his eyes wide and asked, why is it you? I laughed.Maybe it was because Li Zifeng's series of actions just now were funny and cute, or maybe it was because his surprised expression looked ridiculous under the light, I squatted in front of him and laughed out loud.He sat upright, taller than me by a large margin, staring at me blankly in the package of the bulging and crumpled down jacket, and kept laughing. I finally stopped, put the teacup on the coffee table, then sat on the single sofa next to Li Zifeng, and said happily, why can't it be me?Is it not possible? Li Zifeng was sober, but after waking up, Li Zifeng obviously panicked.He crossed his hands together, his legs were tightly together, and his face was trying to fake an artificial silence.Even so, I could still hear his nervousness and anxiety from his low tone and words.He said, I didn't mean that, I meant it was so late... Before finishing this sentence, he seemed to feel it was inappropriate, and added another sentence, I mean, why did you come so late... The more he explained, the more flustered he became, and it seemed to him that the more he explained, the more inappropriate he was. He paused, as if he still couldn't find a more suitable word. I mean why are you here so late? If others can come, why can't I come?I continued to tease Li Zifeng with an ambiguous demeanor. That's not what I meant... Maybe my words reminded him of what he said when he first entered the door, thinking I was Chang Tianli, and for a moment, a trace of embarrassment floated across his face.Apparently he still hasn't recovered from the panic just now. He readjusted his legs, shook his upper body, and before he could sit still, he got up again, and suddenly took off his soft down jacket and threw it on the sofa next to him .At the same time as he took off his coat, I felt that Li Zifeng was wearing a dark red sweater on his inner body. Judging from the texture, it was very expensive.In my impression, Li Zifeng has always had a blue or gray appearance, so when the red Li Zifeng suddenly appeared in front of me, I once again admitted that Li Zifeng is not only the elegant scholar but also a romantic man. After Li Zifeng sat down again, the atmosphere in the room began to normalize, and Li Zifeng also gradually returned to normal.However, when he turned his face and met mine for the first time with a calm expression, I was staring at his clothes with admiration.He was a little uncomfortable, blushing and lowered his head to look at the sweater, and pulled it down hard, the sweater suddenly deformed.I couldn't help laughing again. In all the contacts with Li Zifeng, his leadership position, profound knowledge, and his polite demeanor have kept me in a cautiously passive position in front of him. The drunken gaffe, as well as a little misunderstanding due to drunkenness, virtually took the initiative.This situation is extremely favorable to the purpose I have tonight.I think, I will use this rare opportunity to complete today's task. Although Li Zifeng calmed down and returned to his usual demeanor, I could still feel the effect of alcohol on him from his bewildered and wandering eyes, from his unsteady sitting and standing. He poured a glass of water and handed it to me, trying his best to show the enthusiasm of the host, and asked me again, why did I come so late? I took a sip of water and put the glass on the coffee table in front of me.Withdrawing his wandering thoughts, he whispered with a resentful expression, I came at seven o'clock, and I have been waiting downstairs for five hours. As I had hoped, he showed surprise, and undisguised pity when the surprise was over.Amid these two complicated emotions, he suddenly raised his voice and asked, why don't you join the dinner tonight? Dinner?I blurted out and sprayed the words out.In my feeling, these two characters are more like a bird that was shot down, falling from a tree that was gloomy like a cloud of black mist, and I smelled a wounded breath from it.However, just as I was looking forward to Li Zifeng's next answer with great curiosity, he suddenly stopped the topic just now, and fell silent, and his rosy cheeks against the red sweater showed an imperceptible expression for a moment. embarrassment. I don't know whether it was Li Zifeng's silence that aroused my resentment, or Li Zifeng's topic just now aroused my curiosity. At that moment, I once again felt the shadow of conspiracy wandering somewhere.But in the face of this kind of conspiracy, I seem to have forgotten my real purpose of coming here for a while.In the midst of Li Zifeng's chatting with Wang Gu, I stood up and went to the bar, took a half-bottle of white wine and two glasses and came back. I don't want to know how Li Zifeng would think of me and see me under his surprised expression.I didn't hesitate, I just quickly put the glass in front of me, opened the bottle, and filled the two glasses with wine.In the silence lingering in the strong aroma of wine, the atmosphere in the house became a little weird.Li Zifeng's stupidity in covering up his embarrassment, and my ulterior motives cast a shadow of mutual suspicion between me and Li Zifeng, making us more like a pair of enemies with their own ulterior motives. I raised my wine glass, smiled brightly, and tried to improve the current atmosphere with a relaxed tone.I said, I will see you off alone, please show me your face!I gritted my teeth and downed the glass of spicy and choking wine.Then, holding back the tears that were about to choke, I watched Li Zifeng's actions and changes in his expression. I have to admit that a leader is a leader, and I may never be able to beat him, whether it is in IQ or emotional IQ.Because he has easily detached from the atmosphere just now, and is dealing with me who is heavy because of my desire.The wine in the bottle was decreasing little by little, and the mysterious and embarrassing aura lingering over me and Li Zifeng began to drift farther and farther away.When I also began to feel a little lost in the aroma of wine, I seized an opportunity to say something nonsense, because I wanted to figure out what kind of dinner tonight was.I said, actually, the reason why I didn't attend the dinner tonight was because I thought it was Chang Tianli who was treating guests. I don't know if Li Zifeng let down his vigilance because of my words, or became confused because of the alcohol, he told the truth almost without thinking, he said, it seems that I made a mistake, I shouldn't let Chang Tianli came to inform you, I didn't expect your conflict to be so deep.If I had thought of it earlier, Zhou Zhuwen or Yang An should have informed you. I really want to say that Chang Tianli never notified me!But I didn't speak, I just reached out to fetch a glass of wine from the coffee table and drank it down.With the pungent and intense burning rising from my throat, I felt a strong resentment towards Chang Tianli accumulated in my chest.I comforted myself once again and said, one day, I will take revenge on this bad woman! It was already very late at night, and I didn't want to leave before I finished the task, and Li Zifeng didn't feel bored at all.It seems that wine is really not a bad thing. It can not only help forget troubles, but also help complete some extremely difficult tasks on certain occasions.No wonder all kinds of entertainment in China need wine to cheer it up?No wonder wine has become a culture in China!Just tonight, in this desperate late night, I can use wine to cover up the embarrassment of staying in a single man's house late at night, and I can also use wine to find out what I should or hope to hear.Can I not thank the wine? It was almost twelve o'clock, and I looked at the luxurious grandfather clock in the corner of the bar counter in the living room again. When I was hesitating whether to cut into the topic, settle the job title, and then end the game, I found that Li Zifeng still had no intention of stopping the topic , Even in a tone that can hardly be interrupted, he talked endlessly about topics that interested me.This made me feel that he was not afraid that I would not go, but that he was afraid that I would go. He told me that I should have a good relationship with Chang Tianli, that I should slowly get rid of my stubborn character, learn to adapt to people, and tolerate people... He said so much, we drank so much, I felt my stomach had turned into a mountain stream A pool of bubbling hot springs was rising, puffs of colorless gas rose from my throat as the alcohol evaporated, and I finally began to hiccup uncontrollably like many vulgar alcoholics.This made me feel embarrassed and helpless with the little reason I still have.I don't know what state Li Zifeng has reached, but I know that I have reached the edge, even a small bite may distend my stomach.Just when I decided to quickly end this kind of game, Li Zifeng suddenly opened a pair of extremely excited eyes, and said a shocking sentence unexpectedly: I might have to get out of here. I swallowed the belch I had just brewed, and looked up at him in surprise, trying to figure out the true meaning of this sentence, to figure out whether he was leaving this city, this job, or this home.However, I can't see clearly, I can't see anything clearly, including his expression, eyes, and even his mouth, only the light shining from that bald forehead under the radiance of the light, like a blooming flower in the sun, stimulating My nerves are getting numb.我不得不强忍着打嗝儿张开嘴问道，你离开哪里？Where are you going? 李子峰显然已经喝得忘乎所以了，他一改矜持和守口如瓶的作风，把自己还不曾定下来前途透露给了我。他说，培训完有可能到局里去，局长已经找我谈过话了。他还告诉我说，黄老也马上要退。虽然常天丽很有社会交际能力，也很有人缘，但他希望我能提上来，因为他最欣赏的人是我。 他轻轻叹了一口气，将身体向后仰靠在了沙发背上，然后将眯缝着的眼睛睁开，盯在我的身上，似乎想寻找什么东西似的。他用一种突然低沉下来的语调说，说句实话，几年来我对你的感觉一直是孤芳自赏，清高自大，既不懂世故又没有女人味。直到那天，我走进妈妈的病房，看见你手拿便盆时的神态时，我一下子被打动了，也就那么短的一瞬，我对你所有的感觉和认识全改变了。我见过许许多多伺候病人的人，唯有你脸上和身上所体现出来的神情让我难以忘怀。就那一刻的感觉，足以让我看到你天性中别人难以相比的柔情和善良，以及你的真诚和爱心。也就是从那时起，我觉得你是我周围认识的女人中最真正的女人。 我吃惊地大睁眼睛！ 但是你的弱点太明显了，尤其是你的社交能力，这几乎是你提职的致命弱点。在这一点上，与你形成鲜明对比的恰恰就是与你矛盾极深的常天丽。我不怀疑你的聪明，但是提职光靠聪明和善良远远不够。我不知道你是否考虑过你的前途，我也不知道你是否愿意上进，但是无论如何我既不忍心看见你的失败，更难于想象以后在常天丽的手下，你和她如何相处。 我早已惊鄂不止了，没想到今夜在酒瓶里能有如此多的收获。但是最让我想不到的是，李子峰竟然会明明白白地告诉我这条越来越模糊的提升道路。其实，那个时候，许多科室已经完成改革，该退的已退，该提的也已经提了，而我们所里仍然没有任何举动，这使我觉得当初那个机构改革文件的规定有可能不会涉及研究所了。毕竟那个文件所说的也只是一部分处室的试点。如此看来，我太大意了。 李子峰仍然在诚心诚意地分析着我的前途，而我却早在他的分析中变得沮丧不堪。我知道自己的弱点，正如李子峰所说，我最缺乏的，也是提职最需要的便是人际关系，如果我有常天丽的才能，我的副高岂止到现在还没有着落？ 我突然清醒了，明白了今夜我来找李子峰的主要目的。于是我告诉自己说，先让李子峰帮我把职称评上才是正理，就像当初所想的，有这个副高，提职也就容易了。 在大约一点左右的时候，我终于在李子峰对职称的许诺中，迈着像他刚回家时的脚步走向门口，李子峰已经走不成路了。因此，当我走到门口时，李子峰因为身体难以掌握平衡几乎是一溜小跑冲过来的。他歪歪斜斜，但仍然极力表现着自己的君子风度，他替我拉开门，伸出干瘦的手示意握手。 我站在半开着的门口，手被李子峰紧紧握着，在半明半暗中，李子峰背对着光线的阴暗脸上，只有一对异常闪亮的眼睛正冒着亮光。几乎有两分钟的时间，他既不说话，也不放开我，只是激动地注视着我，我看不清他的眼睛里正在流泻的是什么样的情绪，我也说不清他正在想什么。我只是觉得自己在酒精的作用下，正变得迟钝起来。我既无法判定李子峰的企图，也无法确定自己接下来的行动，只好像一颗笨重的木桩子，糊里糊涂地戳在原地，被动地接受着门后射来的灯光的照射，让自己的丑陋和愚蠢，以及满是疑惑和慌乱的脸全部暴露在李子峰眼皮底下。 在难受的沉默里，我仅存的理智终于挣脱了慌乱的精神枷琐，并大着胆子抬起了眼睛。我的目光越过眼前光亮的头顶，看着他身后漂亮的顶灯，轻声说： 我该走了！祝你做个好梦！ 在我还没有说出“再见”时，李了峰突然打断我的话，虽然结结巴巴，但是很清晰地说，什么样的梦是好梦？有你的梦就是！ 我吓了一跳，急急收回眼睛，盯在李子峰脸上，想看一看他是否在打趣，然而，李子峰一如刚才的激动和兴奋，只是深不可测的脸上增加了一丝迷蒙的成分。 他再一次收紧我的手，并腾出另一只手伸向我的肩膀，努力压着嗓音说，放心，我会帮助你的，不管哪方面我都会支持你。只要你努力。他停了一下，再次将迷蒙的眼睛定在我的脸上，说，明白吗，你得努力！ 我似懂非懂地点了点头，感觉他的手又在用力，而那只放在我肩上的手却往深处掐了几下，最后，他将我放开了。