Chapter 6 chapter Five

I feel that my physical condition is getting worse and worse with the difficulty of life and the progress of my writing project.However, I knew I had to persevere, so I called my son to let him eat while I was still cooking his favorite dish, and while he was eating, I pretended to be cooking another dish. Leave the dining table, and then pick up a bowl of dry rice, or pick up the share of steamed buns.If my son occasionally finds out about my simple meals, I will prevaricate by pretending that I have a bad stomach and the doctor told me to eat less oily food.Therefore, sitting at the small dining table, I often swallowed the poor meal, and at the same time, I was filled with grief and indignation because I hated the unfeeling for us.In order to change this mood, I had no choice but to often hold my manuscript while eating, thinking about the next train of thought while eating, so as to divert my sadness caused by the difficult life.

I have always thought that my son is an ignorant child, so I dare not let him notice all the changes in life and the resulting difficulties.I hope that he grows up in an environment full of flowers and love like all children, carefree because of the abundance of life, and full of good memories of childhood when he grows up smoothly.However, when I was in the kitchen with my head bowed while picking rice and revising the manuscript that day, I was suddenly interrupted by a burst of weeping behind me. I turned around in surprise, and found that my son was looking at me with infinite sadness, and there were strings of sad tears flowing in his big eyes.My first reaction was that my son either failed the exam or was bullied at school.But when I got up and went to his side to reach out my hand to comfort him, he suddenly avoided me with a refusal expression, and then stood in the corner of the dining room, crying and looking at me with hurt eyes.

I feel baffled, I don't know what this son with the same temper as Yu Zhi is thinking, just like I often have difficulty guessing what Yu Zhi is thinking.Just when I was trying to figure out why my son was sad, he suddenly stopped crying, rushed past me, picked up my half-eaten white rice and said, why do you only eat these? I suddenly realized, and said as easily as before, didn’t I say that my stomach can’t eat oil, even if it’s oil in vegetables. lie!He suddenly yelled, and put the bowl on the table with a "bang", and a few grains of white rice jumped out of the bowl and landed gently on the table.

I stared dumbfounded at my son's white and tender face covered with tears.In my impression, my son is like his father, introverted and eager to learn.But different from Yu Zhi, he always gave people a timid and gentle feeling, and of course he never spoke to me like this.I stood there in a daze, at a loss. Why do you always lie to me?Why?If you don’t drink milk, tell me that your stomach is not used to it. If you always eat Chinese cabbage, tell me that you like it. If you don’t eat cabbage, you still say that the doctor won’t let you eat it.You've been lying to me, you're a liar.

When my son said these words, he cried even harder. Tears kept gushing out, sliding down his cheeks and dripping down his chin. Under the fluorescent lamp in the living room, they reflected different lusters, like a A small multicolored pearl.I felt my nose start to sour and my throat choked, but I still suppressed the sadness that was surging in my heart.I said, how can I lie to you?Mom has been really... fraud!My son interrupted me loudly while crying.His childish voice, which still smelled of milk, passed through my eardrums like a loud bagpipe, pierced into the nerves of the brain, and into the tear ducts. I felt that the walls that had been built up over the past few months were becoming crumbling.My son was crying and accusing me intermittently. You don’t drink milk or eat vegetables because you have difficulties in life, because you have problems with your father.

Once again, I was shocked by my son's words, and I was also shocked by my own neglect of my son.I didn't expect my son's logical thinking to become so good, let alone his ability to make judgments through his own observations.Seeing my son's sad appearance, I really couldn't bear to let the young him experience the ups and downs of life prematurely.So, I gritted my teeth, desperately held back the emotions that were about to collapse and said: Son, Mom didn't lie to you, Dad and I are fine, there is no problem.Your father did go to Beijing for further studies. When I said the last two sentences, especially when it came to the word "Dad", for some reason, the tears I had been holding back suddenly rolled out of my eyes like two heavy stones, which made it impossible for me to stop and talk to him for a while. hidden.I quickly turned around, walked to the other side of the table, and began to flip through the manuscripts on the table page by page, trying to calm down.My son was still weeping, quietly moved to my side like a kitten, and hugged my arm.I heard his shrill voice pass through my weak back, tingling my nerves in my body, he said, Mom, I don’t want you to be so hard, I don’t want you to be so bitter...

I don't know if I was moved by my son's sincere emotion, or because I was saddened by my own difficult fate. Finally, I could no longer calm down, and I covered my mouth and cried silently.I have no way to hide it anymore. Since my son will find out about our situation one day, and since my son has already started to face the current situation, then why should I hide it?The disaster has already been cast, and we still have to live, and the key to living in the future is to get through it, maybe after one catastrophe, there will be another heaven waiting in front of us.So, after a burst of heart-wrenching crying, I finally calmed down.I turned around, straightened my son's face, and said calmly in an imperceptible tone, son, mother is not afraid of hardship, nor does she feel it, as long as it is for you, mother can endure any hardship.As long as you study hard, as long as you can be admitted to a good university.Mom is not afraid of begging along the street.

After getting my confirmation of the family divorce, my son seemed to have a breakdown all of a sudden.He hugged my arm tightly, as if he was afraid that I would disappear suddenly, and wept loudly with a vague voice.Time flowed second by second, and the tears on my son's face were also dripping drop by drop. These two irrelevant things seemed to be melting together, turning into some kind of sharp weapon, poking at my heart.No matter how painful my heart is, I can only tell myself that life is not always sunny, and the world is not full of flowers. Since life has a cruel side, then accept the hardships of life too early , maybe not necessarily a bad thing.Let him cry, if crying releases sorrow and relieves pain, let him cry enough!

After a few minutes, his crying finally weakened. While wiping away the tears welling up from his eyes, he shook my arm and begged, "Mom, I don't want you to suffer so much. Please make up with Dad." ! I looked down at his tear-soaked face, not knowing how to answer.In desperation, I had no choice but to sigh, you are too young to understand the things of adults. He suddenly let go of my arm, raised a pair of teary eyes and shouted at me, why do you always treat me like a child?Why didn't you discuss the divorce with me? When I repeated the old saying once again, you are still young, I am afraid that you will be hurt, his emotions rose again, like gunpowder being suddenly ignited.His little face was flushed with pain, and he roared excitedly, I tell you I am old, I know everything.Since you gave me this home, you should also discuss it with me when you demolish this home.If you think telling me will hurt me, why do you still do it?Doesn't it hurt me?

I don't know whether my son learned the lines from TV or books, or the sentences produced in my own strange little head.At this point, he had stopped crying, and his excitement had changed from sadness to anger, even hatred.He stood in front of me and challenged me loudly like a red-eyed enemy. He said, I tell you, you hurt me with the most harm to me, and I will punish you with the greatest harm to you. He almost gritted his teeth and said, I will never go to school again from today. All the pain caused by the mention of marriage and the difficulties of life just now disappeared with the transfer of the son's topic.The high hopes I placed on my only son were suddenly awakened by his son's words of revenge. The resentment and depression in my heart for several months suddenly turned into a kind of anger. :

Say one more thing! My son was not terrified by my anger. Instead, he was like a wounded little leopard, with its fur plucked, facing me with a posture ready to fight. He yelled in a thin voice that almost surpassed mine. I just want to punish you, I just don't go to school well.You make me feel bad, and I don't make you feel good either! The rapidly rising anger made me step up to my son's face, raised my arms and yelled aggressively, "Say it again!" Once again, my son blushed and puffed out his chest, challenging me with the kind of fearless spirit that he had seen in the movies. He announced loudly, I just don’t study hard, as long as you don’t reconcile! "Pa", I slapped my son's face with a slap.By the time he reacted, red fingerprints had already appeared on his son's face.I don't know why my young son held such hatred for our divorce. At that moment, I almost forgot the hurt my son's little heart suffered, and I was only angry at his self-destructive revenge against us. Can't add more.At any time, I can tolerate any revenge from my son, I can tolerate him betraying my love for him, and I can tolerate him treating me as a passerby when he grows up...but the only thing I can't tolerate is that he gives up on himself. Even so, I still regretted my slap, after all, it was my son's angry words.When I understand the pain and hurt my son's young heart is carrying, I feel sad for my slap.I rushed over and put my arms around my son, but his tearful eyes shone with hatred.He quickly jumped away from me, took out an envelope-like thing from his trouser pocket, and threw it in front of me. Then, like a nimble rabbit, he jumped up, ran across the corridor, opened the door and ran out. The door slammed shut in front, and my hand, which had eluded my son, hit the cold door.It has been so many years, it seems that since my son officially entered the school, I have never stretched out my hand to hit my son. No matter how naughty he is or what kind of mistakes he makes, I can rationally use reasonable ways to persuade and Discipline him.The son is not coddled and unreasonable like some only children.He wants to be strong, motivated, and very face-saving. As long as the reason makes sense, he can accept it no matter how difficult it is.I think, the breakup of the family must have hit him too hard, and he was not able to accept such a cruel reality at a young age, so he reacted so violently. I hit my son wrongly. When I ran out of the house with my son's cotton coat, I kept regretting my behavior just now.The cold wind was cutting my body like a knife, which made me even more worried about whether my son, who only wore a sweater, would suffer from frostbite.My first reaction was to go around the dormitory building, and then around the block where the dormitory was located, but I still didn't find my son.Looking at the dark night, I felt terrified and didn't know where to find my son.I expanded the search area again, but after a lap, I still didn't get anything.At this time, I suddenly hoped that my son would figure it out and go back, just like when he used to leave home in a fit of anger, he often walked around downstairs and then went back.Thinking of this, I rushed home hopefully and opened the door, but again, I was disappointed.Because there is no change in the house except that the slippers I changed when I left the house just now are lying here and there in the corridor.Even so, I still carried my cotton padded jacket from the corridor to my son's bedroom, hoping for a miracle.However, except for the homework spread out on the table, there was no trace of the son's room. The night was getting deeper and deeper, and the son never came back.During this period, I dug out my son's address book and desperately called all the phone numbers, but no one knew his whereabouts.I dug out my phone number again, but couldn't find my son.It's been two hours and my heart grows restless with the passing of time.When I walked to the restaurant and was about to go to the kitchen, I suddenly saw a white envelope lying on the ground.I just remembered that it was thrown in front of me by my son before going out.I quickly bent over to pick it up and opened it. There are one thousand yuan neatly stacked inside!There is also a note from Yu Zhi: Son, study hard!Fight for breath! I suddenly understood why my son suddenly guessed the reason for our problem, because he felt that the father who I said was "studying in Beijing" did not go back to the city and asked him to bring money, which was enough to arouse his suspicion. up. Counting the living expenses that Yu Zhi gave to his son over and over again, as if stroking Yu Zhi's sharp face, and the few familiar characters reminded me of Yu Zhi's broad hand when he wrote, I burst into tears stand up.I feel like I miss him so much, I miss my life with him.Even though he is always busy, even though he is masculine, even though I sometimes feel like a big part of his family, such as refrigerators, computers, etc., although sometimes I am a bit lost and lonely, after all, I still have a backbone, that kind of The irrefutable sense of security and dependence makes me feel solid and secure.But now, I don't feel left out anymore, but the hardships of life have made me almost collapsed. I really hope that I can go back to the days when I was with Yu Zhi, and be with him like my son hoped. able to reconcile. With tears in my eyes, I once again stared at the banknotes that saved me and my son from our current difficulties. My heart suddenly trembled. I picked up my son's cotton coat and rushed out almost frantically. I found my son at Yuzhi's office door. I still can't figure it out. I made so many phone calls that night, and I searched almost all of them, no matter if they were distant or close, but I didn't expect to find Yuzhi.Why didn't I think of this person who was so close to us and who we used to be close and connected by blood, and who was so far away that I resented him so much that I didn't want to think about it?Is it my resentment towards him that keeps me from thinking about him?Or is it that I dare not think of him because of suppressed love and longing for him?Or was it because I lied to my son that he had gone out to study, thinking that my son would not go to him?Even when I suddenly saw the traces he left for my son, I didn't immediately realize that my son should go to this person. Walking through the streets at night against the cold wind, I feel so weak.Because this familiar street leads to the Yuzhi unit, because the name Yuzhi still deeply touches my heart.I remembered the first phone call he made when he first came to work in this unit. He said that it was a kind of work and working environment that he dreamed of. I remembered the first time he invited me to visit him in his office. Of course, I also think of that night when I came to his office like a ghost and tried to make up with him in a last-ditch effort... It's been months, I haven't heard from him, I haven't seen him, Even without any news from him, I suddenly wondered if he was doing well?Does he still live in the office?Can his clothes be washed by himself?Can he cook for himself? …This series of questions tortured me to the core, and I have to admit that I still love him, and it is very deep.I don't know when I see him in a while, how should I talk to him, how to get along, I don't know if his resentment and annoyance towards me now have faded with the passage of time, and I don't know if he will because of his son I felt guilty for my injury and thus had a slight thought of remarrying me... I just went to his office floor thinking wildly.Walking out of the elevator door, turning a corner in the dim corridor lights, and walking to the T-shaped entrance, when I aimed at the office located at the corner, I suddenly saw a small black figure on the ground in front of the door.My heart beat faster for a moment, and I rushed over. The porch lamp was turned on because of the vibration of footsteps, and through the dim light, I saw my son curled up on the ground in front of the office door, like a poor puppy, with his hands hugging his legs, already asleep.Seeing the tabby-cat-like face my son drew because he was crying and wiping his tears, and the familiar door behind him, I also started crying unconsciously.My son woke up and seemed to have forgotten how he hated me when he was about to leave the house. His first move was to turn around and look at the door of Yu Zhi's office. He seemed to be talking to himself, and seemed to be asking me again. Dad is back No?When he saw the tightly closed door, he burst into tears. In the vague cry, he was still asking, Mom, where can Dad live? I feel even more sad about my son's problem, because this is a problem that my son cares about. Why don't I want to know where he lives?In the middle of the night, I subconsciously turned around to look at the closed door again. How I hoped that a miracle would happen now: the door suddenly opened, so that it suddenly appeared in front of us! When I came back, my son was uncharacteristically rejected my proposal to call a taxi, wrapped up the thick down jacket I brought him, sat on the back seat of my car and went home.At the moment when my son refused to call a taxi, I saw a resolute look in his inherited melancholy eyes. I knew that my son was growing up, and I knew that because of the difficulties in the family, my son began to understand prematurely. And accept the hardships and helplessness of life. When I arrived at the door of the dormitory building, I saw a vague black figure hovering.I haven't had time to judge who it is, Yuan Yilin has already approached impatiently.He asked anxiously what was going on and Yu Zhi's whereabouts, while he hurriedly helped me push the cart.Before I could explain the situation, my son suddenly interrupted me and said in an extremely cold tone, Uncle Yuan, thank you for your trouble.Let me tell you, my father is on a business trip, and I went to a classmate's house just now.Understood, you can go back!We're fine. Although Yuan Yilin was used to his son's impoliteness, it was still a little embarrassing for him to be treated like this in the middle of the night.I had no choice but to scold my son and at the same time tell Yuan Yilin, I'm really sorry, please run away.Then, in order to make up for my son's rudeness, I politely said, go upstairs and have a glass of water? Before Yuan Yilin could speak, his son challenged and said, Mom, is it too late?Uncle should go back too?Yes or no?Then he turned his head and stared at Yuan Yilin and asked. Yuan Yilin could only nod his head and said, yes, I should go back, as long as you are all right.After finishing speaking, he lowered his head and remained silent for two seconds, then raised his head and gave us a thoughtful look, and finally turned around and walked towards a car on the side of the road, and got in.A minute later, the black car melted into the distant night with a slight sound of the engine. The complicated look that Yuan Yilin cast at the end made me feel very uncomfortable.For many years, I have always been burdened with a strong sense of guilt and an unhealable conscience debt to Yuan Yilin, which made me always involuntarily want to curry favor with him in my dealings with him. Alleviate the uneasiness of conscience.More than ten years ago, I studied with him in the same class in the same high school.Almost both of our grades are ranked in the top five in the class. I don’t know when it started. We have developed from discussing homework and studying difficult problems to admiring and caring for each other.This result directly led us to fill in the same university when we applied for university volunteers.As God arranged, we received the admission letter from this university on the same day.From that day on, our relationship has undergone a qualitative change.Because I think that notice, just like what Yuan Yilin described, is undoubtedly the passport to love issued by God.So, entering college, we also entered the season of love.People say that the sky of love is colorful. At that time, I found that our sky is really colorful and colorful.Freed from the heavy pressure of the college entrance examination, we are like two grasses that have just grown out of the gloomy underground, suddenly discovering that the living space is so vast and the joy of life can be so much.We have left happy figures from school classrooms, cafeterias to Sunday outings, and even theaters, parks, and lakesides.Perhaps, none of us thought that one day, all this happiness would disappear overnight.However, the more unexpected things are, the easier it is to happen unexpectedly. Just when we were enjoying the happiness bestowed by youth and life freely, it was like a stone thrown by God, smashing into our peaceful and happy college days, and the boat of my love changed overnight heading.As if enchanted, with crazy passion, I desperately abandoned Yuan Yilin, who had been in love for three years, and fell into Yu Zhi's arms. I can imagine the sad situation Yuan Yilin faced, but I can't make up for the harm I caused him.This kind of uneasiness in conscience made it impossible for me to face him calmly in my future relationship with him.I always hope that I can do something for him, or help him organize a happy family, so as to alleviate my uneasy conscience.When Yuan Yilin appeared in front of our eyes with his beautiful daughter and wife a few years later, I found that I finally let out a sigh of relief from the burden of my conscience for many years.Our relationship has completely returned to normal with the release of his past suspicions and the restoration of his normal contacts with us.However, for some unknown reason, the son seemed to have a strong hostility towards Yuan Yilin since he was a child.If the source of this hostility is investigated, it does not seem to be caused by acquired reasons.I remember that when Yuan Yilin saw my son for the first time, he was not yet two years old. Yuan Yilin hugged my son excitedly, but he urinated all over his body.Even on normal days, every time Yuan Yilin came over, he would bring small gifts or snacks to his son. As long as his son finished eating the food, he would be disrespectful to him.Sometimes I wonder if the grievance between Yu Zhi and Yuan Yilin was passed on to my son through Yu Zhi's blood because of me?Because other than that, I really can't find any other reason to explain it.As for the fierce attitude of my son rejecting Yuan Yilin tonight, I remembered later that he must have realized that his mother has become a single woman, and he, as a son, has taken on the responsibility of "protecting" his mother and prohibiting other men from approaching her. task. It's the twelfth lunar month, which is the beginning of preparing food for the Spring Festival in the countryside. It is also the coldest day in the countryside, especially for the elderly.As for my hometown, in addition to the happy memories of childhood in my heart, there is an unforgettable experience of poverty.Among them, the most profound experience for me is cold besides hunger.So ever since I came to the city and found out that there is still such a warm winter, I have been yearning for the day when my father, who has worked hard all his life, can also enjoy this kind of life.When my life with Yu Zhi was getting better and better, I used to call my father several times before winter came, however, every time the old father did not come because of various reasons.I don't know if it's because my father didn't have a good life by nature, or God deliberately made things difficult for me.When I was so lost and unable to support my old father for a while, I unexpectedly received a call that my father was coming to the city.It was the third day of the twelfth lunar month, and my father called suddenly, saying that he would come to the city for the winter, or even the New Year, so he was not going to buy food for the New Year. Holding the microphone, I didn't know how to answer for a while, because not only did I not have better financial strength to let my father enjoy the standard city life, but I also had scruples about how to conceal the matter.However, now that my elderly father has finally made up his mind to come to the city, I know that no matter how difficult it is, I will get through this, and it is a heavy burden for me to carry. His father was a typical honest farmer. He devoted his whole life to the barren land, from which he obtained only food and clothing.He never knew how wonderful the outside world is, nor could he imagine how rich life outside is. When he entered the city for the first time and walked into the air-conditioned living room of my house from the scorching sun, he was surprised to ask me, what is the world? Is there really such a strange thing in the world that can make people cool like autumn?Even when he heard that the monthly consumption of the city people was almost his annual consumption, he sighed for a long time. Finally, my father came, carrying a heavy old-fashioned bag, and staggered out of the trunk.When I saw the familiar face of this typical old farmer on the platform, my eye circles turned red involuntarily.Deep in my memory, I clearly remember that the first time I left home to go to school, I was in the acceleration of the train, watching this figure leave with tears, but at that time, my father had a straight back and rosy cheeks; the second impression was the best. The most profound thing is the moment when my father stepped into the threshold of our house from a remote village wearing brand-new but soiled clothes before Yu Zhi went abroad. At that time, my father was still energetic and healthy.However, standing in front of me today is a frail old man with wrinkled face and stooped back. He stood across from me, smiling like me, and crying like me.Two heavy tears under the sagging eyelids are constantly swirling, and the eyes behind the tears can hardly be seen clearly, which makes me confused whether it is the two old tears that are cloudy or the two aging eyes due to becoming cloudy.I picked up my father's heavy bag, and I didn't care about the strange eyes of passers-by. I took my father's rough and dry hands and walked out.I remember that when I was in my sophomore year, I started to have a kind of inferiority complex and vanity because of my rural background. After working, especially under the contempt of Chang Tianli, I once had resentment for my background. For this reason, a few years ago I bought a suit of city clothes for my father, so that when my father comes to the city, he must never wear it like that time when he came to the city.Seeing my father's ridiculousness under the obviously outdated clothes, I felt an indescribable pain in my heart.I understand how my father went to great lengths to look urban so as not to embarrass his daughter in the city, but it made me feel guilty. The father settled down and spent the first day laughing and laughing with his son.When my father asked about Yu Zhi's situation, my son and I agreed that Yu Zhi had gone out to study, and because he was very busy studying, he might not be able to come back during the holidays.My father didn't have any doubts, but settled down and prepared to spend a happy Spring Festival in the city.He probably never thought that his only daughter would become a divorced woman, a woman who in his traditional conservative thinking was considered divorced.But no matter what, I can't let my unprepared father know about it immediately. This is a crueler thing for him than killing him. That night, I spent seventy yuan to prepare a sumptuous dinner for my father.Looking at the delicious dishes on the table and my son's gluttonous appearance, I feel very distressed, because I haven't had such a hearty meal with my son for nearly half a year.Although my father felt sorry for my expenses, he obviously thought that his daughter had a good life, and he enjoyed the family happiness in his later years with peace of mind. Day by day I was struggling with my calculations. In order not to arouse the suspicion of my old father, my wallet was also shrinking rapidly day by day. I had to cut back on expenses secretly, and the quality of life began to gradually decline.When I was about to use the living expenses due to my son to ensure that the living expenses would not drop too much, I suddenly received a reminder from the insurance company. The living expenses were withdrawn and paid up.In this way, I fell into the difficult situation when Chang Tianli forced me to buy shoes a few months ago.In particular, it was time for my son to pay the book fee for the new semester and the tuition fee for the holidays, which made me almost desperate.I finally went to the bank and took out part of the 50,000 yuan deposit that was distributed during the divorce. Even so, I try to save as much living expenses as possible out of my own teeth, because it's what I'm used to.In particular, in the absence of other income, I know how pitiful the burden of that little savings and current income will be on the future.In addition to my son's life and education expenses, the illness that my father may encounter can completely break me down.In this kind of worry about the future, I can only grit my teeth and tighten my belt to hold on.Therefore, whenever possible, I always cook two good dishes first, and let the father and son eat while cooking the rest.After both of them had basically finished eating, I ate some staple food with the worst dishes, or even just some dry rice or steamed buns.In order not to arouse the suspicion of my old father, I once again made up a lie like I had concealed from my son, saying that I had a stomach problem and could not eat oily food.What kind of scene and mood it was, people who have not experienced the hardships of life cannot imagine.So one of my favorite songs at that time was "Understand You" sung by Man Wenjun.In particular, the matching MTV screen is a clip of a movie "Nine Fragrances" I once watched.As long as I hear this familiar melody, I will quickly think of the scene of the mother played by Song Chunli filling the leftover rice grains in the bowl with her tongue to satisfy the hunger of the children after school.I feel like I'm on the verge of becoming such a mother. Living a difficult life always feels slow, and this kind of slow life lasted until the fifteenth day of the twelfth lunar month.Although I tried my best to cover up the difficulties of life, I was finally felt by my careful old father.After dinner that night, I was writing a manuscript in my bedroom when my old father suddenly opened the door and walked in.He sat behind me in silence for several minutes before speaking. He said, can you tell me the truth? As I was concentrating on writing, I heard my father's unexpectedly low voice, so I couldn't help but raise my head from the manuscript and turn around.It didn't matter if I looked at it, I suddenly found that two drops of old tears were dripping down my father's aging cheeks. Under the light of the desk lamp, they were like two round peas wriggling slowly in the intertwined wrinkles.I was dizzy for a moment, wondering what happened? I ran over in a hurry, because I rarely saw my father cry, which made me feel a little overwhelmed when I was frightened.My father ignored my panic, he pushed away my hand that was wiping his tears, and wiped it slightly with his veined hand tremblingly, saying, what happened to him? I knew my father would find out about this one day, but I didn't expect my father to find out so soon.Therefore, when I heard my father's sudden question, I still didn't know how to deal with it for a while. I just instinctively suppressed the pain in my heart and insisted on the original lie with a calm demeanor.I said, nothing!Yu Zhi went to study.In order to make my father more convinced of my lies, I lied further and said that Yuzhi had called the work unit a few days ago and said that he might come back during the New Year. Then why didn't he call home?Why not call his son? I opened my mouth to tell, but my father quickly stopped me.At this time, his deep tone was not entirely sad, but mixed with a kind of anger.He said, why is there no clothes and supplies for Yuzhi at home, and even you and Xiao Chenchen didn't mention Yuzhi. I remembered that since Yu Zhi left, I locked all the clothes and supplies that Yu Zhi didn’t need in a big box. If I said I was reluctant to throw it away, I think it’s more accurate to say that I always felt that one day Yu Zhi would be Come back, maybe he will need his old clothes and supplies, just like he really has to go to study or go on a business trip. Deep down, I don’t want to admit that he really will never come back.Throwing away his belongings, in particular, was another pain for me after losing him. Before I could make up a lie to cover it up, my father shed two more lines of old tears. While wiping away his tears, he said intermittently, "Don't hide it from your father. Don't forget, you were brought up by your father from childhood to childhood." Daddy can guess your every move.You just need to tell Dad, so is there any accident? I realized my father's misunderstanding, and not only couldn't explain it easily, but for some reason, I shed two streams of tears like my father.Seeing my reaction, my father thought he had judged correctly, so he cried even more sadly. His old voice was full of suppressed pain, and every syllable he uttered was like a drop of heavy tears, piercing my heart with pain.I kept telling myself, tell the truth, lest my father misunderstand.But I found myself overwhelmed by sudden pain and unable to utter a complete sentence. 就在我从哭泣中挣扎出来，盘算着向父亲说出实情时，儿子推门一脚跨了进来，看见屋内的情景，满脸的高兴一下子变成一脸的疑惑，那件蓝色毛衣上绣着小熊正憨态可掬地望着我们。我与父亲几乎同时停下哭泣，无声地擦去泪水。 屋内安静下来，我与父亲相互看了对方一眼，谁也没有找出接下来的话题。在过了大约两分钟后，儿子像明白了什么似的，突然挺了挺身子，迈着异常镇静的步子从门口走到我和父亲的中间。 他平静地说，姥爷，我知道你总有一天要知道的，其实，在你来的第二天我就想告诉你，也好让你早点面对这件事，只是妈妈不让。经过这么多天的生活和思考后，我已经习惯了与妈妈的生活，而且现在我也开始觉得爸爸与妈妈离婚并不是天塌下来的事情。我都能接受，姥爷你更能够面对，即使我们过得很清贫，我们照样可以快乐。 我大吃一惊，为儿子这番太过成熟的表白。我不禁仔细地观察起了儿子的表情。屋内的光线虽然不太亮，我还是清楚地发现儿子不管是在说这些话时，还是在说这些话以后，他的神态都平静如一池阳光下没有涟漪的春水，安静而堂皇地展示着自信和坚定，一如当年阴郁而骄傲的于致。窗外传来剌耳的汽车防盗声音，我突然感到浑身发冷，心里一阵颤抖，似乎有一阵寒风正从身后顺着脊梁向上窜升，脖子顿时感到僵硬梗直。那是儿子吗？是一个十二岁的孩子吗？我问我自己。儿子又在向父亲说着什么，我什么都听不清了。从儿子倔强和刚毅的脸上，从儿子成熟和理智的言语上，我没有感到多少成长的喜悦，心头升起更多的却是莫名的恐惧和不安。 父亲惊鄂地瞪大了眼睛，泪痕斑驳的苍老面颊上像刚刚被一阵暴风雨吹打过，残留着纷杂潮湿的激动。或许几天来，父亲就一直在通过一星星一点点的痕迹试图寻找于致，寻找这个家庭已经发生的故事真相，但是他却做梦都没想到最后是这样一个出乎意料的结局。