Chapter 3 Doomed

Rubao's life was directed by two dreams. When one of the dreams became a reality, she could only watch herself in unreconciled panic, sliding towards the unchangeable foregone conclusion... Close your eyes, and that dream came, like a replayed scene: the scene is vivid, you can see the branches and leaves of hibiscus swaying outside the window, the faces of the two people inside the window are clear and lifelike, the hands hanging down the edge of the bed are tired and pale, and the wrists are pierced. It was full of broken glass, with no traces of life. Spreading blood stains were mottled and solidified on the floor. Occasionally, one or two remaining drops fell down, like the lingering rain in the silent midnight, piercingly clear.Rubao knew that hand was her own.In the dream, Shen Haoliang lost his former ability. He yelled at a woman: "Xinrou, why are you doing this!" Then he fell weakly on her shoulder... The dream was cut off abruptly, and he woke up like a treasure, In a cold sweat.

The moment she tried to go around to look at the woman's face, the dream snapped like a piece of ice. Rubao opened his eyes wide, is this dream that repeats every night an omen? Haoliang slept soundly, with indistinct ravings leaking from the corner of his mouth from time to time, his posture was calm and happy. The desire to wake him up was blocked by him again and again, which would have no practical significance. Explaining the unwarranted suspicion of his wife, the man must feel that it is a very boring thing. Even if you don’t ask, Rubao’s heart still hangs up gradually, and she will inadvertently peek at his belongings, when he takes a shower, peek at his mobile phone text messages, and ask his friends for the name of his girlfriend in a roundabout way. Rou is not among the many fragrant names.

But the heart couldn't be calm, chose the right opportunity, and simply said the word "Xinrou". If it was his secret, once she said it, it would be no less than a sudden bomb to him, and his eyes would give her an appropriate answer. It was Ye Wenrou, Rubao hooked Haoliang's neck, coquettishly: "If we have a daughter, guess what I will name her?" Hao Liang kissed the fine sweat on her nose, knowing that he would be denied if he said it, so he just let her say it. Rubao stared at his eyes, pretending to be mysterious and said: "Call your heart soft, how soft and beautiful."

Haoliang said: "Okay, okay, how did you come up with it?" There was absolutely no intention of covering up panic and trying to change the topic. Rubao felt a little bit disappointed while rejoicing, and felt like a conspiracy was attempted. However, Rubao's heart was not relaxed because of this, and she was still worried, falling into insomnia of constant anxiety. Rubao is getting more and more haggard, his eyes are empty, and his body is like a piece of thin paper.The study room was full of books on dream interpretation, and the astrology website made her linger on. When she read the answer to the dream interpretation, her heart was beating like a falling magic sword hanging above her head, and her heart became more and more chaotic.

She must unravel that dream, even if she just glanced at a certain moment before or after the dream, so Rubao decided to sleep, but the drowsiness was far away from her, oppressive insomnia became a habit, and she could only keep her eyes open night after night. Eyes, listening to Haoliang's breathing, stroking his solid muscles in the dark and weeping, this is the man she loves the most, and in the dream, she lost the support point of happiness. Rubao started to take sleeping pills and finally fell asleep smoothly. It was still the same dream, still the horrifying residual blood ticking alone, Rubao clearly felt that she was standing on one side, and they ignored her, she cried out with tears streaming down her face, and Haoliang woke her up from the dream: "My dear ,What's wrong?"

She got into his arms tremblingly: "Why are you leaning on her shoulders! Who is she?" Hao Liang turned on the desk lamp and stroked her tears: "Are you dreaming?" He shook his hand and joked, "I apologize to you for not lying on the shoulders of other women in your dreams, I swear:..." Rubao smiled embarrassedly, and covered his lips, Haoliang has always been like this, tolerating all her unreasonable troubles. That night, Rubao finally saw a different dream. On the bustling Zhongshan Road, she leaned against the railing to rest. A little girl came from the distant sunlight, raised her face and said, "Auntie, buy a bunch of flowers, they are very beautiful. Yes." She waved her hand, and in order to get rid of the girl's entanglement, she raised her face, and suddenly, her head felt dizzy, and the little girl looked at her in horror...

Rubao broke free from the dream in a jerk, raised his head to block the glare of the morning light, and sat on the bed with a smirk, Haoliang leaned over to ask what he was laughing at. She smiled and said that she was so stupid, she was always having messy dreams, and she just dreamed that she scared a girl.After finishing speaking, he asked Haoliang: "Do I look scary?" Hao Liang touched her head: "Of course it's scary, are you my fairy?" Rubao is very useful and likes him calling himself a goblin. The goblin is charming. I also feel that I am ridiculous. Let’s live a good life. However, what is the struggle with Mengmeng? What a ridiculous world!

Rubao and Meng have no entanglement, but their dependence on sleeping pills has become a habit. Although Haoliang repeatedly warns that long-term use will damage the central nervous system, Rubao understands it, but he can't quit, just like drug addiction. On the weekend, I took Haoliang to Zhongshan Road to buy seasonal fashions. Not only did I not get anything, but I was so tormented by the scorching sun that I was paralyzed. Hao Liang looked at her somewhat dry lips and said, "Wait a minute, I'll go to the supermarket to buy a bottle of water." Rubao leaned lazily on the railing, watching the busy traffic on the street, and suddenly, anxiety swarmed in. Why is the street scene in this scene so fatally familiar?When she saw a little girl walking towards her, her heart suddenly beat wildly.The girl held up a bouquet of roses and said, "Auntie, buy a bouquet..."

It was completely a replica of the scene in the dream, Rubao shook her head in fear, raised her head, a burst of dizziness came over her, and her limbs went limp, she felt extremely tired, and saw the girl's terrified face as she fell... When she woke up, she was surrounded by snow, and she was lying in the hospital. She wanted to tell Haoliang what happened today, how unbelievable it was, she opened her mouth and found herself uttering a series of voices that she couldn't understand. She was in a hurry, and wanted to use her hands to break her throat or mouth, but her hands did not obey the command. She tried to move other parts of her body, as if they no longer belonged to her.

Haoliang squeezed her hand and covered her face, he didn't speak for a long time, tears glistened, he understood the anxiety behind Rubao's voice, but he was powerless. Rubao looked at him desperately, thousands of words crowded in her heart, but she couldn't express it, she could only burst into tears, how terrified she was, another dream would eventually turn into an inescapable doom. Hao Liang kept wiping her tears, choked up and said that this was temporary and she would get better, but she still saw traces of comfort from his desolate and messy eyes. Looking at Haoliang's emaciated appearance because of seeking medical treatment, his heart is like a knife.

From the conversations of the doctors, Rubao knew that she had an autonomic disorder caused by excessive reliance on sleeping pills, which meant that she was paralyzed and lost her speech ability. The recovery of similar patients they treated can only be described as a miracle . Haoliang's face gradually showed traces of calm, which was a compromise to accept reality, and her heart was filled with crazy despair. A month later, Haoliang said with difficulty: "Rubao, you need a quiet environment and proper physical therapy. You know, I don't understand these things. I want to transfer you to a nursing home." Rubao refused with her eyes. Haoliang said: "I will take care of you for the rest of my life, as long as I live." Haoliang made a mistake. During this period of no progress in the treatment process, Rubao was always struggling with two words: Xinrou, when will she appear? Haoliang insisted on sending her to a nursing home. When Haoliang carried her into the pre-booked dormitory of the nursing home, Rubao glanced at the window, her heart sank slightly, and she saw her doom. It turned out that at certain moments, people can predict the future. I can't even remember the people I met, a certain street or certain details when I tried my best. They all appeared in my dreams, but most of them were blurred in memory, and my sadness lies in the fact that I lost my love because of love. Deep down, worrying about gains and losses, he pursued desperately, remembered the predicted future, and then used the predicted fragments to direct his life step by step. Outside the window facing the bed, the hibiscus branches and leaves swayed gently, and the cool tears slowly slid across Rubao's temples. When a nurse smiled and said, "My name is Xinrou, I'm your intensive care nurse." Rubao wanted to laugh but burst into tears again. The mirror opposite told her that the nerves in her face no longer obeyed her orders, and she laughed very hard. It was ugly, even a little hideous, and she saw Haoliang's tears falling down desolately. This name must have reminded him of a warm night long ago, when she said she would give him a daughter called Xinrou. Haoliang takes care of the company's affairs during the day, and sits beside her at night, telling her about the outside world, and making her happy with feeble happiness.In the morning, Xinrou would come to give her medicine, push her to the physical therapy room for physical therapy, and occasionally say a few words, but Rubao just listened and did not respond. This gentle woman would eventually become her rival in love. She tried to If she reacted, the facial muscles would appear ferocious, and her throat would make a purring sound. Rubao was only willing to show her a peaceful and calm side, and refused to show her any embarrassment. Haoliang has nothing else to say to Xinrou except to express some gratitude appropriately. But, gradually, Rubao sees the turmoil in Xinrou's heart, which is related to love. In the blink of an eye, Rubao asked Xinrou to remove the mirror opposite the bed with his eyes. In the mirror, her smooth face was getting yellower and yellower, and the muscles on her arms and legs began to shrink unstoppably due to loss of feeling. The only mouth and eyes that can move freely, one is tightly closed all day long, and the other is full of sadness and despair. Xinrou could understand every look in her eyes, moved away, then looked at her blankly, and said for a long time: "You are the happiest woman I have ever seen, because you have the best man in the world." After speaking, without looking at her expression, she turned and went out. Rubao still saw the crystals in the corners of her eyes, like icy flowers on the window panes in winter, clear and clean. When Haoliang came, Xinrou always quickly explained the day's affairs, and quickly left the ward. The slender high-heeled shoes rang in the corridor. When she saw the next scene, her heart would hurt, and Haoliang would kiss like Bao's forehead, holding her hand and talking, the air is warm and sticky. As usual, Xinrou helped Rubao move her limbs, and no one looked at anyone in silence. Suddenly, Xinrou looked straight at her and said, "Do you know what I'm thinking?" Rubao blinked and smiled silently. "If there is a good man like Haoliang who loves me like Haoliang loves you, I would rather lie in bed for the rest of my life." Rubao's heart twitched a bit. For more than a year after his limbs became stiff, it seemed that all his sharpness had been concentrated on his thinking. Xinrou always called Haoliang Mr. Shen politely, instead of calling him by his first name. Rubao looked at Xinrou quietly, with a clean and peaceful face, soft hair, and a gentle demeanor. She was the kind of woman who made men feel pity at first sight. Rubao suddenly remembered that Haoliang's lips hadn't touched her forehead for a long time , came later and later, and calmly explained that there was a meeting or a customer visit... In fact, a new story was beginning where her eyes could not reach. Even in a moral sense, they are not bad people, they just have to do it out of necessity.Rubao's heart smiled sadly. In the evening, when Haoliang came, Rubao turned his head and let him talk warmly in his ear, and did not look at him. The more he tried to make her happy, the more broken her heart was. Perhaps it was the most important thing to take care of herself. The unavoidable morality, perhaps the guilt of conscience, is not what Rubao wants, but a murderous weapon. She can't control the tears rolling down... Unable to bear to see his coaxing mixed with anger and anxiety, Rubao pretended to fall asleep. Haoliang tentatively called a few times in her ear, but he didn't feel relieved when he didn't see any response. Rubao opened his eyes, and immediately, he heard Haoliang's angry questioning, Xinrou's low-pitched excuses and faint crying. In the morning, Xinrou's eyes were red, and when she came in, she looked out of the window in a daze, and then turned back, her eyes were calm and at ease, as if something was firmly in her mind. She also started to feed Rubao medicine. When swallowing the pill, Rubao smelled the faint smell of medicine that she would never forget, because of it, she lay on the bed, Xinrou used it to replace other medicines, the burning love made her unable to wait, she wanted to kill slowly die yourself. Rubao looked at her with a squeezed smile, always seeing her fleeing in despair.The next morning, Rubao refused to take the medicine and pressed her lips tightly together. In a panic, the cup in Xinrou's hand shattered, Zhang Huangzhong pierced her hand when she bent down to pick it up, she stared blankly at the rolling blood, straightened her waist, her dull eyes shifted to her face , The chest began to rise and fall sharply.Rubao looked at her, if she could speak, she would definitely say: silly woman, you will ruin yourself. However, she can only express it with her eyes. Xinrou's stiff eyes gradually softened, and she threw the glass piece into the trash can as if it was burning, Rubao let out a long breath, and motioned her to help her move her arm with her eyes. Xinrou hesitated, followed her gaze, and put her arm on her face. Rubao smiled crookedly, kissed the bracelet on her wrist lightly, signaled that she could go out, and helped close the door. Xinrou ran out as if fleeing. Rubao tried her best to close her mouth to her wrist, touched the slightly jumping artery, and opened her teeth. This was the only weapon she could command and move. Then, with all her strength, she closed her teeth, and then, a bright rainbow gushing out. She wants to use this method to fulfill the man who loves her, instead of letting him lose two women who love him at once, even if there are lies in the last love. The leaves outside the window swayed gently, and she rewrote the dream, using her teeth instead of the glass in Xinrou's hand, and she smiled.Because she saw the continuation of that dream, Haoliang leaned on Xinrou's shoulders, she saw Xinrou's sad face, those sorrows and pains were real, because she knew that all her thoughts were being used by this person in the most tragic way The woman who ended her life pierced.