Chapter 19 cloudy day

I was a good boy who would look up at the sky on a cloudy day, I was really a good boy. --Inscription 1 There is a kind of weather in this world called cloudy days, and there is a kind of feeling in cloudy days called loneliness. In the loneliness of cloudy days, there will always be an obedient and good child looking up at the sky obsessively, the leaden gray sky full of lonely clouds. This is the beginning of an unfinished novel of mine.I am a person who is not good at writing novels, because I have never been good at telling a complete story. When I write, I will subconsciously pull it on myself, tear everything out of myself, and throw it in the sun for my own sake. Appreciate or despise.I always used the sentence patterns of "what am I" and "what am I going to do" tirelessly, until the moment I emptied myself, the sense of exhaustion seized me, and I was willing to give up.I am like a golden orange, trying to peel off my smooth and shiny coat, and persistently let others see the slender and complex white meridians in my body.I think I have the neuroticism of Mrs. Xianglin, tenacious and obstinate.

Tenacious and stubborn, but I'm still a good kid. 2 I think that many times I need a cloudy day with gentle air, I think I need a lonely long street full of plane trees on both sides, I think I need a dark but warm asphalt road, I think I need someone to hold my hand Walk on it with your hand, walk wildly, keep walking, until the sky is dark, until the sun and the moon are dark, until the college entrance examination, the monthly exam, and the monthly exam all disappear, until I throw away all the sorrows completely, until I Become a really, really good kid. When I walked to the Sansheng Stone, there were big white and blue flowers blooming, and when I walked to that person, he said that he would stay with me in the next life.

But, but, but what is dream, what is reality, what is utopia, what is sword field. So I just squatted on the side of the road, hugging my knees with my hands, watching the sycamore leaves fall one by one, falling to my feet and dying quietly, watching the sun draw the outline of the hillside, watching the haze dim and the twilight merge , watching the air begin to be covered with white spots, like an old film film in a trance. If it's cold, it's good to hug your legs a little tighter. I get used to this posture day by day, like a lonely good boy. 3 On a cloudy day / in a room with no lights on / when all thoughts settle little by little.

Karen Mok.She's a crazy woman and I'm a crazy kid. I know that a seventeen-year-old should not call himself a child, because Duras said: At eighteen, we are already old.Many, many people tell me that I should grow up, mature, and start cultivating the rationality of a boy to eventually become a man, but I still call myself a child, I don’t want to grow up, just like Peter Pan, always be a child Child, so I stepped back along the footprints of time, crouched down with my knees hugged and sang softly.I am a child, please don't bully me. I always like to sing alone in a low voice, singing some difficult but nice songs.Such as the catcher in the rye, such as Faye Wong.Others don't know what I'm singing, but I know, that's enough, enough to make me happy.

However, when I went to school that day, I heard the two girls in front of me saying: Do you know, the one in the second and third classes of high school likes to sing karaoke. 4 I tell people I hate sunny days, the blinding sun because everyone's sweating and the air smells like moldy biscuits. I tell others that I like cloudy days, like the wind blowing my freshly washed healthy hair, and like the even and soft white sky light gradually dipping down from the sky. In fact, everything is reversed. In fact, I am afraid of the cold smell in the cloudy day, because my passion will be absorbed by the mild and sick weather outside the house, and the cloudy day is like a super sponge that absorbs life.

I like sunny days, the heat of the sun shining on my skin is very clear, and I can sweat happily while swinging a badminton racket.Is this the so-called ordinary happiness?I have no idea.I only remember that Haizi, the poet who sang his black night song alone in the dark night, also said: I want to have a house facing the sea, where the spring is warm and the flowers are blooming. I carefully guard the desire in my heart, like guarding a crystal cup full of cracks.I always hide my true thoughts in deep water, so my friends can't believe what I say often.Little A said that he found that I was actually very sad when I said "OK, it doesn't matter".

I remember the first time I told my friends I was unhappy, and they were incredulous.They say that if a child who is spoiled by his parents so much that he doesn't even mention the broom, a child who gets too good grades, a child with a lot of friends, a child with a large bookcase of novels and a large wardrobe of clothes, if he doesn't If he is happy then he is not satisfied. There are even people who say: If you are not happy, then unless the Leifeng Pagoda pours water from the West Lake to dry up. I'm not a person who likes to destroy scenic spots. Now that such things are coming, I can only say: I told a lie just now, but I am actually very happy.

I laughed every day until everyone said with satisfaction: You see, I said you are happy. Until that day little A said to me: You are not happy. So my tears fell. I have always liked a fable, I tell everyone I meet, you must have heard it, but I still want to tell it.If a beast is injured, it can find a cave to hide, licking its own wounds while gritting its teeth.But once it is greeted with care, it can't stand it. If a child hurts from a fall and no one sees him, he will stand up and pat his knee.But once the person who loves me comes, the tears will fall down. So does the kid who likes to look up at the gray sky on a cloudy day.

5 On many nights, I wanted to shed a good tear. 6 Let me tell another story, there was a group of sheep grazing on the hillside, suddenly a car drove up, so all the sheep looked up at the car, so the sheep that lowered its head and continued grazing seemed extraordinarily lonely . 7 A cloudy sky spreads, a leaf falls, an autumn collapses. A child got lost. 8 I often have a dream. In the dream, I want to take the subway to a far away place to retrieve something, and finally when I get out of the car, I find that there is no one in the subway station, only the bright and dim lights above my head.

I can not go back. I guess I hate subways in my gut.I was even a little afraid of the wind brought by the train whizzing over from a distance, the black wind passing through the hall, cold and sticky, eroding my skin inch by inch.When the subway goes into darkness, I always think of this train going to hell.I don't like people on the subway, every face is indifferent and blurred, and everyone subconsciously stands in a defensive posture.I even feel that if someone dies on the subway, everyone will really just move aside to make room for the dead. So I hate that dream. But I'm haunted by it frequently.

9 Faye Wong sang from the beginning to the end and counted again. If you are sick, you need to drink medicine. Karen Mok sings love yourself everyday. I sing that I am a good boy, I want to go up every day, even if there is a thunderbolt and lightning, even if there is a strong wind and an earthquake. But God threw me a cloudy day. In this tepid weather, I just wanted to wrap up the quilt tightly and say: I want to sleep well. On the night of the Lantern Festival in 2001, I sat in a brightly lit classroom and worked on a thick math problem set.While thinking about which coordinate axis the focus of the ellipse would fall on, I wondered whether my mother would light up the red lantern I hung at the door again. The sound of fireworks bursting the night sky occasionally sounded outside the window, lonely and empty.The dark sky is full of big and big fireworks, which is very beautiful. After the evening self-study get out of class, Xiaojiezi and I went home. When we got to the door of our house, we found that someone was setting off fireworks across the road, so we stopped to watch.Later, many people around stopped to watch, so I turned my head to look at them, to see these people who have been busy for a year and are going to be busy again for another year. As a result, I saw thousands of fireworks, which were blinking and extinguishing. In Xiaojiezi's eyes, in everyone's eyes. At that moment, I was sure that I was not lonely, I was a happy and good boy. It turns out that it is so simple to make me happy, so simple that it makes people want to laugh and make me want to cry. 10 February 8, 2001 was another cloudy day.It rained yesterday, and I think it should be the last rain this winter. There is some water on the badminton court, but I still swing the racket there tirelessly, even though my arms are already sore.The ground was very slippery, I fell two somersaults, and scratched a layer of skin on my palm. I like playing badminton. To be precise, what I like is the feeling of being hit hard by a master. The white feathers flash past in front of your eyes with the wind, and you can experience what it means to be truly powerless.I guess what I like is the bloody thrill. My badminton master is a girl in the same class, I call her Master Xiaodan.She's great and I'm terrible.If the players in the school were graded, from first-rate to ninth-rate, I think I am not in the ranks.I told my master you didn't look like you when you played You're a woman, and Dan told me you didn't look like a man when you played. My master and I fought until twilight, and I couldn't lift my arms when I left.But I like this kind of healthy exhaustion, because it can prove that I live a full life, I am not numb or indifferent, I am a happy and good boy. 11 whose voice sings my song My Black Chu Chu Li Song Floating across the black river lying underground some mercury some fireworks And my black hillside covered with irises My Gesang, my Shura Whose voice sings the dirge The dead body of the bride is carried up the hillside by the moon my lamp my buddha It's snowing and a child starts running Camels start to look out indicated by seven stars The direction from which the elegy floats Whose lonely child is that Singing night after night 12 beginning of spring.The sun is not shining.Negative.windy. Unexpectedly, the weather in Lichun turned out to be gloomy, and I was more or less disappointed.I changed my Antarctic man that "everyone on earth knows" and put on my light spring clothes. I pulled out my badminton racket and prepared to go out. When I opened the door, I saw little A standing at the door with a bright face, holding Take a blue kite. I lay quietly on the grass, holding the kite string with my index finger.The sky is that annoying leaden gray color, but the blue kite looks particularly pleasing against the sky, just like Hou Yi shot a hole in the thick clouds with an arrow, leaving a small piece of blue sky wall leaked out. Little A sat down next to me. He said that he would be in his third year of high school next semester. I said yes, it was really fast.He said that you are definitely going to take the exam in Shanghai anyway, and I said that you are definitely going to take the exam in Beijing anyway, and then we didn't talk.I just vaguely realized that I should hurry up and play a few more games with Little A. The days of sweating and dancing the racket seemed to be numbered. Little A is a smart child, and willful, very similar to me.And he can play childish temper. If you have the opportunity to see big boys behaving like children, then you will find that the world is really colorful.It is said that Xiao A was able to go to the liberal arts class smoothly at the beginning because she acted like a baby to her parents.And I remember when my parents asked me to study science, I didn't even try to struggle. I think I am the most docile of all the lambs waiting to be slaughtered. I suddenly felt like a gorgeous puppet, who had performed all the joys and sorrows, but there were always countless shining silver threads on my back, manipulating me even with every move and gesture. I suddenly felt that the kite was very pitiful, so I let go of my fingers, and the bright blue piece fell, just like the little happiness I held tightly in my hand. A great swath of gray sky pressed down on me. By the time we got home, the thick, leaden gray clouds had mostly dispersed.The sun shone down from the clouds.I think the cloudy day is almost over, and tomorrow starts to be sunny. Starting tomorrow, read and write, and be a simple and good boy. 13 Cloudy days have become a kind of memorial. That lonely good boy will never squat on the ground and look at the sky foolishly again.