Chapter 18 Chongming Spring

1 My name is Chongming, I was born in Chongming, Shanghai, so many people will tell me that your name is very interesting when they know my name for the first time.I was studying in a nationally famous university in Beijing. I remember that almost all the good students in my class went to Fudan in high school, and I was going to single-handedly go to Beijing, to the grandpa who was bigger than my grandpa. Both are older than many cities.Because my parents are both from Beijing, from the day I knew about the college entrance examination, My parents told me every day: You must go to Beijing for the exam.My parents insisted on their pure Beijing accent in this extremely prosperous but also extremely indifferent city, so I will always be a child from other places.My parents hated Shanghai very much. They always told me that there is no Bell Tower and Drum Tower in Shanghai, there is no Chashi Lake in Shanghai, there is no warm sunset in Shanghai reflected by the glazed tiles in Beijing, and there is no exquisite royal garden in Shanghai.They think that the only thing Shanghai is better than Beijing is that there are no sandstorms.When we sit on the plane and look down at the neat high-rise buildings in Shanghai, my parents will also tell me that you look like a large number of tombstones below.Only my mother would say that Hengshan Road in Shanghai is actually very beautiful.Women are always romantic, and the tall French plane trees in Shanghai are indeed incomparable in Beijing.

When I was finally admitted to Beijing, my father was really very proud. He invited more than 20 tables of people to dinner in the hotel. I clearly remember that day, among so many Shanghainese, my father’s Beijing dialect Speak extraordinarily loudly. My parents sent me to college, and after I had everything sorted out, after my mother told me thirteen times "It's cold in Beijing, remember to wear more clothes" and fifteen times "Call home if you have anything to do" , my parents left Beijing and returned to Shanghai. I clearly remember that my mother burst into tears when she walked into the boarding gate.

2 My name is Spring and everyone says it's a good name.The day I was born was the beginning of spring, and Beijing was not full of yellow sand as usual, and the sun was so bright that it was a mess.So my parents decided to call me Spring after they kissed me. And now I comb my freshly washed long hair on the balcony. The wet hair always smells like spring flowers, and my mother always chooses the best shampoo. I am a child who has been pampered since I was a child, so I am very self-willed.I never shy away from the fact that I am self-willed, just as a rose never shy away from the fact that there are thorns hidden under its flowers.

I have been learning violin since I was a child and have been learning it for fifteen years.Friends who know me will always sigh and sigh at this number that seems too long. They will never understand how a windy Gemini girl like me can keep a 15-year-long persistence.I don't understand either, I just know that I could stand in front of the sheet music for hours. Friends say that I am a maverick and that I am beautiful.I don't mind if their words are sincere praise or flattery, but I really care if I can walk like the softest wind in spring, and stand like a clean and refreshing kapok.Because I really don't want to be the kind of woman who flips through fashion magazines every day and changes her clothes without self, and I don't want to be the kind of woman who walks like moving chemical equations.

I have been a lucky child since I was a child. Primary school went straight to junior high school, junior high school went straight to high school, and high school was recommended to enter this nationally famous university.I wrote a lot of text and had many different strangers write back to me at the same time.I'm fairly pretty and have been chased since the first year of high school.I always worry about whether I have been too lucky, and whether one day all the unlucky things I have avoided will hit me on the head. Recently, I have become more and more worried that this will become a reality, because Chongming is about to return to Shanghai.And I will stay here alone, facing the sandstorm year after year.One in Shanghai, one in Beijing, two displaced hearts.

3 I was drawing in the design room of the school. I have revised the design seven times, but my teacher is still not satisfied.Spring is sitting next to me, fiddling with the things on my table.She always messes up the erasers, pencils, and rulers of all sizes that I have arranged beyond recognition. Spring is smooth sailing, she now receives a large number of draft invitation letters every day, she only needs to sit down and write quietly for a week every month, and then many remittance slips will be delivered to her mailbox.And her novel is about to be published. But I am a too ordinary boy, a boy who is about to become a man.I know that I will soon no longer be able to hold a football while smiling foolishly, and hold a badminton racket while happily sweating. I will no longer be able to wear those Nike sneakers and that Reebok trench coat. I should get used to suits and leather shoes. I am used to living in the face of the computer and modifying one line after another, and I am used to conceiving the life of building after building in my brain.

But it is as difficult for Shanghainese to stay in Beijing as it is for Beijingers to stay in Shanghai.But I'm working hard, but I didn't tell Spring, I just hope that we can still walk on the road full of sycamore trees behind the library in the remaining three months, and skip class together to watch an avant-garde show Movies, still wearing the gloves she gave me and then holding her hand and walking on the streets with people coming and going, just like we have been doing for four years. There is no one else in the design room except the two of us. Spring is still playing with my large and small drawing rulers.

Are you going back to Shanghai?Spring suddenly asked me. Maybe.I answer her.Then I saw Spring's fingers become stiff in an instant. No one spoke.The wind blowing outside the window was extremely empty, as if all the people, cars, horses, rivers, and waterfalls on the ground disappeared in an instant.There was a moment of dizzying silence. Spring stared at my drawing motionless.In fact, I am very afraid of the quiet appearance of spring. The whole body is in a perfect defensive posture, but there is a flickering flicker in the eyes that makes me afraid. I'm hungry, I'll go eat first.goodbye.Spring said when he got up.

OKI continued to bury myself in my design drawing, but I drew three wrong lines in a row. I have been waiting to see if spring will bring my lunch box full of food to my hand as usual, but when I close the door of the design room, spring has not come back. The night was fading.Spring is cold.Spring came late this year.I thought inexplicably as I wrapped my coat tightly. Then I heard the sound of opening the door of the design room behind me.Yes, I am not the only one who is desperate for the future, and I am not the only one who is scolded by the teacher. Similarly, I am not the only one who came from Shanghai and will eventually return to Shanghai.

4 I have never found that the business of the cafeteria is so good, and the queue can last for ten minutes without moving forward.When I lined up to the window, a few boys behind me rudely passed the lunch box over my head to eat.Eventually the strap on his wrist snapped dozens of hairs out of me. Walking out of the cafeteria has been twilight round.The wind blows from the unknown night. I sent the lunch box to the design studio.When I opened the door of the design room, the sudden darkness caught me off guard.Instead of turning on the light immediately, I subconsciously called Chongming.Then I realized he was gone.

Then I slowly close the door. Beijing’s spring came very late this year, and the sycamore trees are still bare, like some avant-garde and indifferent post-modern sculptures.Chongming once told me that Shanghai has the most beautiful phoenix trees in the country. Between the two rows of phoenix trees is a warm and clean black asphalt road with various golden traffic lines printed on it.On both sides of the road are wooden houses with red walls and white roofs, blue walls and gray roofs.So I told him that I must live in such a house in the future, if I can live in it for a lifetime, I will live in it for the rest of my life, and look at the beautiful and tall sycamore trees outside the window for the rest of my life.Chongming said, well, come to Shanghai and I will buy you a house like that.Two boys and girls holding hands passed by. The girl was leaning on the boy's shoulder happily, with the green mountains and green waters on her face.Chongming's fingers are very thin and long, but they are strong. His palm is dry and warm, which can completely cover my hand.And my hands are always cold, so Chongming always asks me to wear more clothes.I told him that if you wear too many clothes, you will get fat, and if you are fat, you will not look good.Chongming said that's good, no one else will want you, only I want you, you can't escape.After speaking, he smiled wickedly, but his eyes were unusually bright. The playground at night always looks extraordinarily empty and lonely at the same time.I stood foolishly under the street lamp by the playground, with swarms of moths flying around the lamp above my head. Moths are so stupid that they know they will get hurt.I suddenly remembered Fairy Zixia in "A Chinese Journey to the West". She said this sentence while smiling with tears in her eyes. The first time I met Chongming was in this playground.Chongming was playing football at that time, and several of my friends were in the Chongming team.Later, during their intermission, I ran over and told him my name was Spring. What's your name? Chongming. Where are you from? Chongming. I know your name is Chongming, I was asking where you are from. Chongming. I can't help but laugh every time I think about the goofy conversation we had when we first met.At that time, Chongming also laughed after answering my question, his eyes were shining brightly, the wind blew the collar of his white jersey over and over, and the sweat dripped down his hair, and then the game continued , he said goodbye to me embarrassedly. I have a very good memory, I can always remember an incredible amount of things.I like to pour out all my memories on a cool night, cleaning up these precious things bit by bit, like a happy little beggar. The sky slowly walks past a cloud, and then another cloud.The street lamp stubbornly opened a gap in the night, and the night was routed around the street lamp in large numbers.The wind blows, and I feel the smell of a lot of sand in the wind. So I remembered the story Chongming told me, every time I think about you, God will drop a grain of sand, so there is Sahara. I stretched out my hand and stopped in the wind, my fingers bent into a lonely posture. Beijing will definitely drop a lot of sand this spring.I suddenly thought. 5 It suddenly occurred to me that I was really a mediocre person this spring. I tore off three design drawings that I was not satisfied with, and the remaining one I was satisfied with was said by the teacher to be like a child's building blocks.Spring bought me three red fishes, but after I kept them for a week, I saw three small dead bodies floating on the water surface of the fish tank.My small bonsai that I've grown for two years hasn't sprouted a single sprout this spring, maybe it won't grow any more leaves.My beloved badminton racket has a surprising crack. I think I am the most unlucky person this spring. I started working every day for work, to be precise, for a Beijing household registration.Spring always packs me up very well, and I feel that I can dress so neatly that I can even get married.I remember that many companies were very satisfied with me, but when I mentioned the hukou issue, those department managers would always freeze their smiles to death in an instant.They always said to me that you speak so well Beijing dialect, I thought you were from Beijing, and then the answer I got was to go home and wait for notification. It was the seventh or eighth time I came out of the high-end office building, and then walked back to school step by step.My clothes definitely make others think that I am a successful little white-collar worker.I was walking among a large group of white-collar workers, going in a different direction from them, so I felt that I was an obstacle.Crowds of people with blank eyes roamed the streets like fish. I loosen my tie to ease my breathing.The tie was given to me in the spring and she playfully signed her name on the back of it.I thought of the morning when Spring tied my tie for me, smiling, with the corners of my mouth raised, and my hair swaying in the wind. I think I've let spring down again. There is a very clean road from the urban area to the school, and there are trees on both sides that I don’t know. Although it is not as good as Shanghai’s long street decorated with tall plane trees, it is clean and quiet.So I also like to walk on it very much, walking around in a big way, and walking out of the posture of forgetting joys and sorrows. This is a habit I have developed since I was a child. I am used to walking on clean and beautiful roads. Walking out of my heart is like still water, and walking out of my calmness.In fact, I still have a habit of squatting on the road, looking up at the blue sky, and watching the sycamore trees on the side of the road drop their leaves crazily one by one.Later, Chunchun told me that this posture was too lonely, too like a wounded child, and she would feel distressed, so I never squatted on the side of the road again.Occasionally, when passing through a shade of a tree, I will hurriedly look up at the sky. Passing by an elementary school, the children are still in class.I suddenly wanted to go in for no reason.I wandered back and forth in this strange elementary school, and occasionally I met one or two children in physical education class who would stand upright and say hello to me, teacher, with a red scarf fluttering on their chest, very beautiful. I began to think about my life in Chongming.I think of the very small playground, the way I fell when I kicked a ball for the first time, the way I put on a red scarf for the first time, I think of my brothers in Chongming, I think of the big fistfuls of sea water in the wind of Chongming The smell reminds me of the spring blossoms in Chongming, and the sycamore trees at the gate of the school that shed their leaves crazily in spring. Perhaps Chongming should really stay in Chongming, and live a life facing the sea and spring flowers blooming. Maybe I should really go back to Shanghai. 6 This year's spring is finally starting to look like something.The willow trees by the lakeside of the school opened up large clusters of white thoughts.wind.Then it drifted away day by day.I remember Chongming told me that the willow tree is the loneliest tree in the world. It blooms quietly and alone, but it leaves little by little lonely white. And recently I often sit on the chair by the lake, the chair that Chongming and I are used to sitting on, and even want to move home to sit on. I sit among thousands of catkins, sitting Chasing my manuscript in the white loneliness of spring.Maybe Chongming doesn't know what I'm busy with recently, and it's even very possible that he doesn't even know that I'm about to publish a book.He's been lukewarm with me lately, and I feel like there's something wrong, there must be something.But when I asked him what's the matter with you recently, he always said nothing, really nothing. When Chongming accompanied me through the badminton court that day, I asked him: Do you know what the biggest benefit of writing a book is?He made a silly gesture and said he didn't know.So I told him that the biggest advantage is that he can write on the title page: "Only dedicate this book to my favorite so-and-so".I then asked him very carefully: Whose name do you think I wrote on it?He shrugged and said: whatever.At that moment, I was really stupid. I thought I was a very stupid person. A tear fell, and the night was so thick that Chongming couldn't see it.Tears hit the back of my hand and were quickly dried by the wind. Chongming is not a person who likes to read very much. A book I gave him was placed on the second shelf of the bookshelf. It was laid flat and covered with dust.So I said to myself in my heart: Don't give him any more books, he can't read anything from it. Late self-study.I was not happy when I was studying late. I always go to the classroom in Chongming to study by myself at night, so many people think that I study architecture.Later, when they saw me holding a thick Oxford dictionary, they opened their mouths and said, "You are learning foreign languages!" I used to be very happy, because I sat next to Chongming, and Chongming would hold my hand throughout the night, and then the two of us would read books quietly.But recently Chongming suddenly sat behind me, and he said he wanted to work hard on his design. When I went today, Chongming was reading an architectural magazine. I sat down carefully beside him. I saw his brows were frowning, with the word "Chuan" between his brows, and the corners of his mouth were pulled down, like a wronged man. Stubborn child, so I stretched out my hand to smooth his eyebrows, but Chongming slightly tilted his head away.Chongming stepped aside.My hands just froze in the air.Solidified sorrow.Chongming said: Spring, you are good, sit in front, I will read carefully, okay. So I sat down in front of him and got out my Oxford dictionary. Then I heard the laughter of Chongming and a girl next to him.When I turned around, I saw him and the girl next to him drawing something on a piece of paper, with the corners of their eyebrows flying, and their eyes curled up with a smile. So I quietly went back to read the book, page 258, I read it for an hour. At 9:20 I got a message from the CALL machine and my editor asked me to call back.I saw Chongming reading seriously and didn't dare to disturb him.So I put my backpack and clothes on the table and went out of the classroom to answer the phone. The editor was talking about my book on the phone, and I kept looking at my watch. I was afraid that I would not be able to see me when I got off Chongming, so that I would say "OK" to everything the other party said.So much so that I advanced the deadline for another month. After hanging up the phone, I ran towards the classroom. I was worried that Chongming would squat alone at the door of the classroom and look up at the black sky. It was that lonely posture that scared me. When I pushed open the door of the classroom, I heard the sound of myself panting heavily. The classroom was brightly lit by eight lights, but the building was empty.My backpack and clothes lay alone on the table.Chongming left, Chongming looked at my backpack lying alone on the table but he left. I went over to get my clothes and bag, and pulled out the lights one by one. I sat on the steps at the door of the classroom, hugged my knees with my hands, and looked up at the sky like Chongming. This lonely posture made me look like a wounded child.Chongming told me that the sky in Shanghai is never dark. At night, the sky is a dark red light, just like the luster of a black cloth covering a red lantern.But the sky in Beijing is so black, so black that it pierces the heart and lungs. I thought that Chongming was really alienating me recently. A large group of friends went to the street. He always talked a lot with others, but only smiled at me occasionally.I held Chongming's hand, he didn't hide, but he didn't bend his fingers to hold my hand, and let my fingers be exposed to the wind so they became very cool.I knew that as soon as I let go, we would be separated, so I grabbed Chongming's hand vigorously.And the way he took my hand and walked quickly is really blurred in my mind. Tears fell in big ones, and I heard them hit the ground with a diamond thud. With a sore nose, I said to the sky: Chongming, I love you. However, the sky and the earth are empty, except for me, except for the black wind that haunts everywhere, there is no sound. Chongming, I love you.I said it again, and I went home with my clothes in my arms. I really want to go home quickly.Take a bath, listen to a few songs, catch up on a thousand-word manuscript, and then fall asleep, and then tomorrow will still be bright and beautiful. When I opened my eyes the next morning, I found a few rays of bright sunlight peeking through the gaps in the curtains.I happily sat up and found that my vocal cords were burning so badly that I couldn't make a sound. 7 I'm as much a car person as I am a walker. The car always has the taste of the world that I like. Whether it is a train or a car, all kinds of people have various expressions and postures.I like to sit on a chair with a high back and bump up and down with the car, and I like to look through the tall and bright windows Li looked at the thriving city outside and the direction of everyone rushing, just like looking at the bright display windows in a museum. I like to sit on an empty bus at dusk and watch the light blue sky outside the window pass away bit by bit, and gradually settle into some lead gray colors.The air began to be covered with white spots one by one, like the picture of a very old film film.Then turn on the car lights, turn on the lights of thousands of houses, and the neon lights rise from the ground, floating faintly in the whole city. The nights in Beijing are not as ostentatious as in Shanghai, and the warm lights from the courtyards will always dilute the indifference and sharpness brought by the neon lights. And I hate subways and airplanes, the crowds on subways and airplanes always give me an unusually indifferent feeling, the same expression, empty eyes, and I am not used to a quiet environment, I am used to sweating happily in the sun, Man who sweats and collapses in bed with blissful cramp.Healthy tiredness can always give me a sense of reality in my life, so that I don't feel like a tightrope walker, teetering on the black wind.Let me escape those illusions, so that I can truly live on the ground. But spring is a person who doesn't like hallucinations.I heard people say that women who write are mostly lonely, like fireworks blooming in the night sky, like fireflies floating in the water.I collected all the articles published in the spring and put them in a thick file bag. I read her lonely pain in those words.I'm not a competent boyfriend, at least I don't feel like it, because I haven't melted the icy loneliness in the palm lines in spring like the sun.The Chongming described by Chunchun is quite perfect, but I feel that I am far from it.So I always tell Spring that I don't read books or read any articles.Only in the dead of night will I take out the words written by spring, see her lonely posture through the lines, and feel sorry for my beloved woman. I am really distressed, for my spring, for my last days in Beijing in 2001, if there were no miracles, I would finish my spring birthday in spring and my birthday in summer, and then I would leave for Shanghai up.Miracles are called miracles because they don't happen often.I learned this truth very early on. north.south.Beijing.Shanghai. Can love be delivered, can I fly over the walls to find you? Wind from south to north, people from south to north. And I saw the parting hidden deep in the water gradually surfaced. subway.Flickering lights. Spring rested quietly on my chest, her hair smelling brightly of spring, and a few strands slid into the neckline of my shirt.We just stood there, very calm.And the subway station by station seems to be bound for eternity. I really wish the subway could go to eternity. Instead of driving to winter. Then we can stand like this all the time, without sorrows and joys, without waves, without the separation of the north and the south, without the hellish Beijing Hukou, we can always stand in the posture of clinging to each other, until we look like gray hair. 8 I hope that the subway can go to eternity now, so that Chongming and I can stand in a hugging position forever. I leaned against Chongming's chest, there was no sorrow or joy, the air around me was the smell of clean grass from Chongming's body.Chongming is a person who often sweats, but his body always has the fragrance of green grass.I will always let go of all the sorrows and joys in his smell, and fall asleep peacefully without any difficulty, sleeping like a child. I am a person who likes the subway, because the subway can always arouse the black wind passing through the hall, I like the feeling of the wind rushing past, at that moment I always feel fate, and all the impermanence passing through in life . There is always a black and icy wind at night in Beijing. I like the coolness that the wind blows over my skin bit by bit. Just like when I play the violin.I always stand very lonely, and then I can feel the spring water melted from the snow peak slowly coming out from my fingertips. Chongming always likes me to play the violin next to him when he is drawing, and he said that my violin sound can bring him inspiration.Chongming looked very serious when he was drawing pictures, with his lips tightly pursed and his eyes shining brightly, like a primary school student doing his homework seriously.I always like the childish expression on Chongming's face, but he never admits that he looks like a child. The night is like water.Black and cool, over my hair fingers and lips. I suddenly thought of Chongming's first winter in Beijing.The winter in Shanghai is not as cold as in Beijing, and the air is warm and humid.But it also snows in Shanghai, but it is light and thin, floating between the sky and the earth with low eyebrows for a while, and then disappears.Chongming once told me: Shanghai has the loneliest snow scene in China.I have always wanted to see what the lonely snow scene looks like, whether it is like a large area of ​​pale desolation in my palm. During the first winter in Beijing, Chongming kept telling me that Beijing was really cold.On Sundays, Chongming always sleeps on the bed and refuses to get up, like a bedridden child.And I always kept urging him to get up by his bedside and accompany me to the street.I feel like I could really make a decent alarm clock.I always put my cold hands into Chongming's quilt, but Chongming would always grab my hand with his strong hands, put it on his chest, and then continue to sleep.And at times like this, I always clearly hear the sound of angels flapping their wings above my head. Chongming and I spent a long time wandering around the streets of Beijing that winter. Chongming was wearing the glove I gave him, and the glove covered my hand. In the weather, walking from Kuanjie to Wangfujing to Tiananmen and then to the Art Museum is as arduous as a long march.I always have big bunches of candied haws in my hands, and Chongming always drinks big cups of hot coffee.He always loves to lick my lips, and then smiles and looks at my lips with a thin layer of ice.And I always like to say how cold it is, how cold it is, and then Chongming will take off his down jacket to wrap me up, and I can’t bear it when I see Chongming wearing a white sweater and hugging his arms so cold Obediently took off his clothes and returned them to him. The snow scene in Beijing will never be lonely. I think until I am very old, old enough to recede into the afterglow of the sunset, I will not forget that there is a man in a white sweater, holding my hand, walking on the snowy streets of Beijing . 9 April. Many girls say that this is a month of love, because April is the day of the world.And I was in a trance in this April, this may be my last April in Beijing. My teacher suddenly treated me very well. He was full of praise when he saw the design drawing I drew. In fact, he had asked me to revise that design drawing eight times.When he saw the model I made, he immediately said that the model was very aura. In fact, I was just playing a game like building blocks.Even when he saw my letters, he was full of praise, saying that I had a beautiful hand--in fact I did have a beautiful hand. When I look at his face with a bright smile, I always want to ask him if he is going to give me a full scholarship, if he is going to let me graduate early, if he is going to let me be his son-in-law, and by the way, give me Beijing account. Spring is still busy with her books, and I am still busy with my design drawings, although the two of us still hold hands and walk through the clean stone road in front of the library building every day, and the smell of late spring and early summer has begun to float in the air. I drew for a while that morning, then got up to play badminton.The new racket I bought was a little heavier than the old one, but it was more powerful to use. When I took a break, I saw Spring outside the court. She smiled brightly and stood there quietly looking at me.So I walked over, and Spring said to me through the barbed wire: Let's go for a walk, we haven't gone together for a long time. So I asked Spring to wait for me, and I came out after I changed my clothes. When I took off my sweat-soaked clothes in the dressing room, the chain on my hand was suddenly torn, and twelve hibiscus jades were scattered on the smooth floor, and those twelve hibiscus jades were given to me by spring . I was stunned by this sudden change, I stood there stupidly, watching my distressed jade scattered all over the ground, like crystal teardrops all over the place. I carefully picked up the twelve jade pieces and put them in my pocket, ready to thread them again at night. Spring and I walked on the streets of Beijing again.The bright sunlight came down from the sky, hit the glass exterior wall of the building and shattered into pieces, and landed beside our feet. Later we passed Chunchun Primary School, and Chunchun said let’s go in and have a look, so I said yes. There are many children playing football on the playground, not football, but leather balls.Large groups of children were running wildly in the open field. Looking at these soft and transparent children, I felt a tranquility that I hadn't felt in a long time.Yes, it is tranquility.For a long time, I have been running around for that damn Beijing hukou. I spent a long time reading talent newspapers, going to talent recruitment websites, making many phone calls to companies, drawing my graduation design, and then spending very little time Sleep, play ball and walk slowly with spring. I took Chunchun's hand and shook it secretly. Look at that banyan tree.Spring pointed to one side of the playground and said to me softly. Saw.I shook Spring's hand again. When I was young, if I was unhappy, I would run over and hug the old banyan tree, hugging its rough but gentle trunk, and my tears would fall down in large numbers.If you are unhappy when you are young, you are unhappy, and if you are happy, you are happy.If you are happy, you can laugh, if you are not happy, you can hug the old tree and shed tears.There is no need to hide anything, the simple appearance is like the bangs on my forehead when I was a child.My grandpa died when I was very young, I know what my grandpa looked like from the pictures.I always feel that this old tree is like my grandfather, the embrace is hard and rough but very gentle. From then on, I began to like the feeling of being hugged, until now.I am very happy to see that the old trees are still flourishing. The old tree is topped with thousands of new green leaves, which looks very lush.I looked at the spring, and the eyes of spring suddenly became very bright, and the stars were shining, very beautiful. There is a slide made of stone under the old tree. The stone surface is very smooth, reflecting the bright sunshine and the fresh leaves of the old tree.Spring and I sat on the top of the slide, looking up at the blue sky without any impurities, like two children, holding their chins. The sunlight flows down from the thousands of green leaves, which have been washed to give off a cool and fragrant smell.When I squinted my eyes, I saw the beautiful color of the sunlight condensing on the eyelashes and a large area of ​​bright red passing through the eyelids, the red was so loud. I took Spring's hand again and shook it again. 10 Spring, what are you thinking about?Chongming's low voice is calling me.Chongming's voice is always clean and soft, and this is my favorite voice. My favorite boy is calling my name, one by one.Spring, spring, spring. Chongming, I was wondering what your primary school was like. My elementary school was very small, and the classrooms were made of wood. We often carved various things on the wooden walls of the classroom.Our school has a dirt playground on which we often play football.The playground was always rocky and uneven, so I was always trying to keep my balance, but the ball kept changing directions.There is a big sycamore tree at the gate of the school, but it is very strange, and it always loses leaves in large swaths in spring.I was naughty when I was a child, and I always liked to climb up trees, sit on tall branches, and look up at the blue sky above my head.Did you know in spring, my father didn’t want me to learn Shanghainese, but I learned it quietly.One day my father saw me chatting vigorously with a classmate in Shanghai dialect, and he was very angry. My father hoped that I could live in Beijing in the future, just like they lived when they were young. Then you stay in Beijing.I said to Chongming very seriously. Spring, you are such a child, you cannot think of many things with your brain alone.There was not even a trace of sadness or joy in Chongming's voice. So I really wanted to tell Chongming that my father could solve this problem by relying on his interpersonal relationship.But I know that Chongming is a stubborn child, he always only believes in his own ability, and is unwilling to rely on the dirty interpersonal relationship in his eyes.He is like a flawless piece of porcelain, perfect but fragile.So I opened my mouth and stopped talking. Chongming stood up, took my hand and said: Let's go home. I was suddenly very happy, and we went home.go home.Instead of us going back to school together.I took Chongming's hand and walked happily. I remember that we walked a lot, crossed many roads, passed a vegetable market, saw a large group of pigeons, played with a cute child, and passed a few kind old ladies who were washing clothes in front of the door.Let's go, go, go. In the twilight round, I held Chongming's hand. When I took his hand, I suddenly found that his wrist was empty. After I was in a trance for a while, I knew that he didn't wear the bracelet I gave him.At that moment, I was not happy, because I was used to seeing Chongming raise his hand, and there was a circle of pink warmth on his wrist.I looked at Chongming, his smile was still clear and bright, his eyes were like a pool of transparent spring ice, occasionally a fish flashed through it. So I didn't make a sound, took Chongming's empty hand and continued walking. I looked at my slender and slightly pale wrist, still empty and lonely.I once told Chongming that I wanted a bracelet, and kept my wrist empty, waiting for Chongming to send me my beloved chain.I have read a story: a Christmas tree fell in love with a beautiful girl, so he stood quietly but full of hope, waiting for the girl to hang him with beloved toys.我想我也是一棵美丽的树，在春天里郁郁葱葱，等着崇明给我挂上那个心爱的礼物。 于是我就一直空着手腕等，一直等到了现在。 可是如果崇明走了，我就要一直等下去了。我望着崇明，他额前的头发在风里晃，我忽然觉得崇明的笑容在以一种不可抗拒的速度向后退，于是我就很害怕。 我鼓起勇气对崇明说，崇明，其实我爸爸可以…… 你别说了，春天。崇明的声音一下子变得有些凉。我望着他，他的样子让我害怕。 崇明，其实不是你想的样子，我爸爸他…… 我叫你别说了。崇明的声音异常冷漠。于是我不再出声，牵着他悄悄地走。 我到家了，家门口的香樟大片大片地掉叶子，这个季节真是莫名其妙。崇明说他要回学校了，而我还想做最后的努力。 崇明，也许你可以和我爸爸谈谈，他真的…… enough!你烦不烦啦！崇明终于发火了，他转身的时候，我听到他的脚下落叶碎裂的声音，而我的眼泪也最终流了下来。 11 首都的光辉是温暖的，我爸爸在小的时候总是这么告诉我。爸爸总是说上海的霓虹有股妖艳的味道，而北京的霓虹是温暖的，不张扬。 我坐在马路边的花坛边上，街头的华灯全部映到我黑色的眼里，我可以想象得到那些美丽的华彩在我眼中混成了一滩怎样的油彩。我发现原来北京的霓虹也可以如此寂寞。 春天终于还是看不起我了。我漠然地想到。 我不明白自己现在的心情怎么会是漠然，就正如我不明白为什么眼前的这几棵高大的香樟会在春天都快要过去的时候还在大片大片地掉叶子。我就像是一个已经知道病情的绝症病人一样，在最后的确诊书打开的时候，会在那一刹那忘记悲喜。 路上偶尔开过一辆车，在这条寂静的街上，车轮驶过的震动就显得格外庞大，轰鸣像是砸在我的头盖骨上。还有那从黑暗中破空而来的车灯，总会让我像个孩子一样抬起手挡住我的眼睛。不知从什么时候起，我开始害怕黑暗中突然射出来的光，我想也许是我开始习惯黑暗的生活。 回宿舍的时候其他的人都睡着了，于是我也准备好好地睡。最好是很沉的睡眠，不要有梦，那么我就不会难过。 脱掉衣服的时候，十二颗芙蓉玉掉了一地，我没有去捡，我一脸麻木地上床睡觉。我似乎可以看到自己的表情，就像从镜子里看到的那样，真的是一脸麻木。 然后还是睡不着。然后我起来跪在地上捡起散落一地的玉石，可是我只捡到十一颗，我像是疯了一样满地摸索，可是除了灰尘，就是冰冷的地板。 然后我靠着墙坐了一个晚上，窗外的虫子叫了一宿，我终于发现当天空一点一点变亮的时候，其实人是多么孤独。 两天以来我没有看见春天，她就像是春天阳光中最明媚的一段旋律，一晃即逝。我每天都站在外语系的门口，我希望看到一头明媚的黑色长发在风中舒展的样子，可是我每天都看到外语系的教学楼在人去楼空时的样子。我想到空城。而我站立的姿势像个迷路的孩子。 在我打球的时候，我总是会走神，我总是在想铁丝网外会不会有一个人笑颜如花地看着我，一脸春光明媚。 在我画图的时候，我总是拉错线条，我总是在想会不会有个人小心地在我身边坐下来，然后调皮地弄乱我大大小小的作图尺。 在我踢球的时候，我总是不住地望着操场边上，我在看是不是有个人站在场外看着我，手上拿着一瓶矿泉水。 而在我饿了的时候，我就会想起我放在春天那里的饭盒，想起春天对我说马上吃饭，不然会胃疼的样子。 而在春天消失四天之后，我真的无法安静地等在外语系的楼前了。 我开始不断给春天打电话，而电话里总是她“有事外出，请留言”的声音。我开始在北京一条一条的街上找，找我的春天，找那个那么爱我我也爱她的春天。 那么好的春天，我却把她弄丢了，我把我的春天弄丢了。我开始发疯地想春天你怕不怕黑，晚上怕不怕一个人，你会不会急得掉下眼泪，你会不会是迷路了？没关系，你站在路口不要动，我马上来找你，我马上就过来。 我站在北京一个又一个我和春天曾经经过的路口，我傻傻地站在那里仰望天空，用那个春天叫我不要再做的寂寞姿势。 我对着天空说：春天，你得马上回来，我又不听话了，我又在一个人寂寞地仰望天空了，你得回来管管我呀！我不准你不回来。 12 崇明终于说我烦了。他最终还是说了。 我在黑夜中抱着我心爱的布绒兔子，我拉着兔子的长耳朵问它：兔子，崇明还爱不爱我？而兔子总是朝我笑，于是我的眼泪就掉下来。 第二天天亮的时候我决定去上海，父母出差，半个月才回来，如果一个人呆在这个空荡荡的房子里我想我会掉完最后一滴眼泪然后就再也哭不出来了。我打了电话给我的老师，说我要到上海的出版社去联系我出书的事。老师很温和地对我说春天你一个人小心。 忽然明白自己是“一个人”。 我一直希望有一天崇明能带我去一个美丽的地方，我们牵着手在陌生的城市里走。我对崇明说我们去西藏或者西安，要不就去你很想去的杭州。可是崇明总是回答等有了时间再说。 现在想想，这么长的时间以来崇明真的没给过我什么，除了一根灰色的围巾，就是我现在抱在怀里的那根，路上的行人向我投来奇怪的目光，是啊，在夏天已经开始的时候还抱着围巾的女孩子有多稀罕，我轻而易举地笑出了眼泪。 在关上行李箱的时候，我对自己说：春天你好傻啊，现在去看崇明长大的地方，再看一次，然后就松手吧。一直以来，我都将崇明紧紧握在我的手里，可是他还是像流水一样流完了最后一滴，对于崇明，我真的应该松开每一根手指了。 在飞机场的门口我突然决定转身，然后我匆匆地赶向火车站。既然我是最后一次去爱和崇明有关的东西，那么就用崇明喜欢的方式去他住过的城市吧。崇明喜欢乘车，崇明不喜欢坐飞机。 火车行驶的声音像钟摆一样有准确的节奏。我将目光从暮色四合的车窗外收回来，然后看见自己空白的手腕。 在火车上的那个夜晚我的梦境经久不灭。梦中崇明一直在骂我，毫不留情。我的眼泪温暖地在我脸上铺展。我说崇明我是你的春天啊你怎么可以这么骂我。崇明一把将我推开了，我重重地撞在墙上，我缩在墙角里大声地哭，我说崇明我是你的春天啊，你怎么可以看着我缩在墙角而不过来哄我？ 挣扎着从梦中醒过来，发现手臂上是一大片冰凉的眼泪，车窗外，如洗的月光将大地照出一片苍白的寂寞。 我终于到了上海。下火车的时候我对自己说我终于站在崇明住了十八年的城市了。 我开始一个人在上海走，走得气定神闲。 走过衡山路的时候，我看到了崇明给我讲过的法国梧桐，和崇明曾经说过要买给我的木质三层小阁楼以及温润的黑色柏油马路。 走过外滩的时候我投了一枚硬币进望远镜，我带着温暖的感觉望着对面的金茂大厦和东方明珠，想象着崇明也曾经这么傻傻地望过。望远镜里播放的音乐是《欢乐颂》。 走过人民广场的时候我坐下来看那些不断飞起来又落下去的鸽子，想找出哪只才是当年崇明放出去的。 可是我一直不敢去崇明。我真的怕到崇明去。 我怕见到崇明每天上学时要走过的长街；怕见到他常常爬的老梧桐在夏天里掉了一地的叶子；怕见到他小时候睡过的木床；怕见到他领过奖的主席台；怕见到他第一次踢球摔倒的小操场；怕见到他踢完球后冲洗头发的水龙头；怕见到他抬头喊过一个小女生名字的林荫道。 怕恍恍惚惚见到年轻的崇明抱着足球，露出好看的白牙齿，眼睛眯起来，朝我微笑，然后听见他叫我的名字，春天。 我在上海的行程将尽，而我最终还是没有去崇明。 回家的飞机将我的忧伤带到九千米的高空，而脚下上海灿烂的灯火，照我一脸阑珊。 我又走在了人来人往的北京的大街上，四周是熟悉的北京话的声音，绵延不绝的温暖。 在街的一个转角处，我突然看到崇明朝我跑过来，他紧紧抓住我的肩膀，都把我抓疼了，他就那么定定地望着我，然后嘴角突然一撇，抱着我像个孩子一样哭出了声音。他说春天你到哪里去了，我怕把你弄丢了，你干嘛走呀？崇明的眼泪大颗大颗地掉进我的脖子。 我看着眼前抱着我的崇明，他的Ｔ恤已经脏了，ＮＩＫＥ球鞋落满了灰尘，头发也粘了好多尘埃，鬓角下也已经是一片青色的胡茬了。 想起往日崇明一身干净明亮的样子，我的心就狠狠地痛起来。 13 夏日的阳光很亮很薄，又轻又飘地荡在我的头顶，可是气温却出奇地高。我在这个夏天最终还是没有找到一份可以让我留在北京的工作。 春天的小说已经完稿了，现在已经进入最后的修改阶段。在我大学就要毕业的日子里，老师对我出奇地宽容甚至纵容，他现在正在研究我的设计图，他说我的设计很有灵性。 我不知道一张被他退回来修改了八次的设计图是怎么在最后的夏日里迸发出灵性的，如果我知道的话，我想我也应该在这个最后的夏天散发出我所有的灵性，那么某家公司的老板也许就会看上我，那我也许就能踏踏实实地留在北京了，那我就可以在北京宽阔的马路上抱着春天对他说我爱你。 春天我爱你。关上宿舍门的时候我小声地说。 我提着两只蓝灰色的旅行箱走在空空荡荡的校园里，就像我四年前进来的时候一样，而现在我要走出去了。 我知道当秋天到来的时候，这个学校里又会有一群来自天南地北的年轻人，我知道我在Ａ－１４寝室进门的第二张床的墙壁上留下的话会被另一个学生看到，我知道铁丝网围着的球场上又会有新的学生握着羽毛球拍幸福地流汗，我知道足球场上会有新的学生在那里摔倒，而学校长满梧桐的林荫道上，仍会有其他的人牵着手在上面走。 春天站在学校的门口，淡绿色的裙子在风里飞得有些寂寞。她将头发束起来了。 她站在那里定定地望着我，而我不敢望她。我告诉春天我真的要走了，我九点四十的火车。 春天说哦，真的走了。 春天很平静地望着我，没有悲喜。她说，要我送你吗？ I said no.说完我的鼻子就酸酸的。 起风了，天上的鸽群被吹散了，我和春天同时抬起头来看鸽子。 我说春天，我们做好朋友吧。 春天看着我不说话，过了很久，春天说你这算什么，彻底地告别吗？ 我低头，然后转身对春天说再见。 一滴眼泪掉下来，地面很烫，眼泪一下子被蒸发得不留痕迹。 头顶的太阳让我眩晕。 春天对不起。 春天： 我坐在床前的写字台上，准确地说是在北京的我的寝室里面，在北京最后一次给你写信。我明天就要走了。I am very depressed.四年前你第一次叫我名字的样子总是飘荡在我的面前，可是又抓不住，很虚幻。我是个迟钝的男孩子，我不会写像你写的那样的漂亮的文字，所以四年来我没给你写过一封情书。我没送过你漂亮的戒指或者项链，送你的那条围巾是我妈妈亲手织的，她说叫我送给我最喜欢的女孩子。送给你的时候我没有说，因为我不好意思。我从来都没有说过我爱你，可是我比那些说这句话的人更爱你，我比谁都爱你。可是明天我还是会对你说我们做好朋友的，到时候我怕自己掉下泪来。因为我们相隔大半个中国，我希望自己能平淡地谈一次恋爱，然后平淡地结婚，只要有个人在睡觉时靠着我的肩膀，醒来时有个人望着我的眼睛，然后我就会很快乐。做个好丈夫，做个好爸爸，握着简单的小幸福。我们是两座无法挪动的城，中间隔着沧山泱水，我认为相爱的人就要守在一起，不要分开。可我们不能，尽管我们相爱。我是个害怕受伤的人，所以我无法让我相信我们可以维系两地动荡的爱情，所以我提前缩回了自己的手。你要找个北京的男孩子去爱，你才会幸福，你是个让人不放心的孩子。 春天我让你失望了，我没有留在北京。我也让我爸爸妈妈失望了。我在你那儿留下了一件白衬衣，一堆ＣＤ，和一堆厚厚的建筑图册，留在你那里吧，都留在你那里吧，就像我留在你那儿你留在我这儿的整个大学时代。 春天我哭了。 最后说一声，我爱你。 崇明于离开北京前一天 14 崇明最终还是走了，无法挽留，就像太阳一定会掉到地平线下面去一样，而我不想做追日的夸父，因为我知道夸父最后死掉了，倒在路上，又累又渴。 太阳落下去了还是会照样升起，可是崇明呢？ 在这个北京最后的夏天，我一天天看着崇明为留京的事奔走，有一天看着我最心爱的男孩子眼睛深陷下去，我的心微微地疼。 崇明总是告诉我：春天如果我不能留下来，你一定不要继续爱我，我们分隔南北，你不会快乐的，你要找个人去爱，然后幸福地生活，写你想写的文字，去你最想去的地方。不要再想我。 有很多次我都想对崇明说我可以跟你去上海，我是个写字的人，到哪儿写字都一样。可是崇明好像从来都没有想到过要我去上海。有时候我甚至怀疑这是崇明为了和我分手的借口。 走的前一天崇明到我家拿了几样他放在我家的东西。他说那些ＣＤ和书就留在你那里吧。I said yes.崇明离开的时候我望着自己的房间想掉泪。那个桌上的魔方是我和崇明共同凑好的，那幅画框里镶着的是我的绿手印和崇明的蓝手印。在那台电脑前我和崇明玩游戏笑得很开心，而我在电脑前写作的时候，崇明伏在身边睡得像个孩子。 这个房间有太多崇明的气息，就像是阳光的味道，任我怎么洗也洗不掉。 崇明最终还是走了。 崇明的背影消失在街的转角，而我还是在校门口站着，头顶飞着大群寂寞的鸽子。 后来我买票进了月台，我沿着火车跑我想找到崇明。空气灼热，汗水从我的发梢滴下来。 火车开动了，我没看见他。 在火车最后的加速中，我看到崇明眩目的冰蓝色Ｔ恤和他贴在窗上泪流满面的脸从我眼前一晃而过。 我蹲下身来，泪水流了一地。 我想我真的应该好好地流一场眼泪。 15 这是上海冬天的第一场雪，我终于体会到了上海最寂寞的雪景所释放的孤独。 我现在是一个见习设计师，生活平淡而安稳。 我每天穿着笔挺的西服穿行于如织的人流，袖口上是一圈粉红的温润。 我依然从杂志上收集春天的文章，然后放进档案袋里。从春天的文章里我看到，她似乎有了个新的男朋友，手指上有了个简洁的铂金戒指。 在上海今年第一场大雪的时候，我在上海地铁书店里买到了春天的书，书名叫《崇明，我最后的激流岛》。 扉页上写着：献给我最爱的Ｃ。 16 北京仍然是一如既往的寒冷，我裹紧外套一个人走在北京宽阔的马路上。 在最新一期的一本上海建筑杂志上，我看到了一幅我极为熟悉的设计，作者的名字是崇明。 而建筑的名字是：春天。 一滴眼泪掉下来，打在我空荡荡的手腕上，在北京寒冷的风里迅速结成了冰。 像颗美丽的钻石。 就像我和崇明曾经看到过的一枚铂金戒指上的钻石一样。