Chapter 24 Racine Forest

While in Trouville, I couldn't imagine that I would be able to go back to Paris.I don't know what else I can do in Paris.I only saw very few people.The situation is much more serious than what I've stated here.very serious.I simply cannot live in Paris.Not paying attention, not being cautious, so getting into a situation like this, that's it.It was impossible for me to see my life unfold even just two days apart.Can't live without this person, can't be with him, as is written in our various stories.It is true, and I admit what Weinstein said, and the question does not involve any pain, but rather affirmation of the disappointment that has always been there, almost from childhood, so to speak, indeed, like eight years old. The realization that I thought I was powerless suddenly reappeared in front of my eyes. Facing all kinds of things and people, facing the sea, facing life, facing the limitations of my own body, and facing the forest, I can do everything without risking being killed. Not being able to get close to the forest, facing Yongjue who left the scheduled mail ship, facing the mother who cried for his father's death, that kind of pain is childish but he was taken away from us after all, it is the self-knowledge of powerlessness in the face of all these that realization.The glory of the years should be like this.I have never had such a time, but I have come close to such a time.When people have not yet established personality behavior characteristics, they are often blinded by this obvious phenomenon.My mother was permanently imprisoned in the established environment, unable to extricate herself from it, only to cry, and she had to force her smile as usual at the end of the banquet where men gathered to make fun.She sometimes seemed to me, when she was in the company of ordinary people, so terrible that she had to come back and beg our pardon.I was estranged from her. She came back from the celebration and lied to people that she had a good time. Everyone knew that she was not happy, and she was extremely miserable.Although she pretends to be the same as ordinary people, it is of no use to us.We know she is not.She herself does not know what state she is in, and it would be impossible for us to recognize her if she were not constantly in this miraculous state.She has entered the magical realm, which only we know.If anyone can know that Van Gogh lived in the magical realm, and Matisse, Nicolas de Stahl, Monet, it is because he is going through childhood, he is not deep in our mother. Keep exploring so you know about it.I really want to add Van Gogh, and others, to Jan's story, because Jan's story also enters the realm of magic; the same goes for music, music is magic.In writing, I also have to try my best to find the magic, and I found it: the wind of magic blows in the great forest of Racine, and blows on the top of the great forest of Racine.It is this Racine, but for Racine, I have not yet looked at it in detail, I have not read it carefully, and I have not thought about it.That's Racine's music.It's talking music.It's nothing else, it's misunderstood, it's wrong; it's Mozart, Racine too, they're at a certain point; shouting.