Chapter 16 It's hard to be a man

A man's role in the family, whether he is a son or a husband, he always has the most entangled relationship with a woman.When he was a son, he was raised by a woman; when he was a husband, he was taken care of by a woman, and he was accustomed to clinging to needs, so that he knew his emotions and could never get rid of women—he was filial to his mother with gratitude; He learned that he loved his wife knowingly.Of course, whether it is filial piety or mutual love, it is reasonable and reasonable.However, it is often embarrassing for people to do reasonable things, because many times in real life, they cannot be properly arranged within reason.And love and filial piety are not easy to coexist peacefully for a man to treat calmly.On the contrary, love and filial piety are often contradictory and often conflict, making husbands and sons in a dilemma.Therefore, there is such a question that has been circulated for a long time and widely: "Your mother and your wife fell into the river together. Which one do you save first?" This question is too harsh.too cruel.If I were a man, I would definitely answer: pull one with my left hand and one with my right hand, and rescue them together.But the premise is: which one to save first? !I believe that there is probably no man who is willing to lose sight of the other between his mother and his wife.No one can directly make the choice of "which one to save first", and even if he has an emotional tendency in his heart, he can't say it frankly.I can understand that this unbalanced feeling is undoubtedly a pressure in a man's heart that has nowhere to shirk and nowhere to vent, and it is often only sympathetic but unspeakable.

In ordinary families, wars over love and filial piety are common and quietly going on, just a word.For a trivial matter, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law make small noises, while the more educated ones don't make any noise. They just keep their unhappiness in their hearts and endure it silently. Over time, it creates an atmosphere of tension and estrangement.As for men, they are really incapable of mediating the delicate emotional entanglements and tightening the family relationship. No matter how well they perform in society, they have the courage to direct a large project, lead a large enterprise, and even reverse a state of affairs with grandeur. county.A backward province, but back in a small family of tens of square meters, he seems to be useless, as if he is no longer the all-powerful, shrewd and capable entrepreneur or leading cadre.Usually, he is still like a child, unable to do anything when the mother and wife are in trouble, or let it go, or coax this one, soothe that one, like standing on a seesaw, spreading his legs apart, letting his feet constantly switch and step on the warp. up one end.At such a moment, his posture and state of mind are embarrassing and embarrassing, annoyed and helpless.Moreover, this "seesaw" seems to be always under his feet, and the ups and downs change and cannot be settled.Therefore, the task of balancing the two ends is a long-term, day-to-day task, and some of them are like daily routines, which must be faced every day and dealt with.Not only did he feel oppressed, but he also felt an indescribable tiredness, very tired, who could understand?Who will help share?And who is it quick to confide in?Men, on the other hand, are unwilling to complain to others, out of self-esteem and saving face, they have to put on a show.It's both manly and sad.

In the family structure in China, there is a very close connection. Some grandparents and grandchildren live together for several generations, controlling each other, relying on each other, and restraining each other. Of course, they also take care of each other.care for each other.However, in comparison, the disadvantages of that kind of restraint and restraint far outweigh the benefits of care and concern.Especially for women in the family, all their emotional sustenance is placed on the man—the husband.son.Once the family organization expands, the personnel becomes complicated, the son has a wife, and the son has a son or a daughter, so women start to compete with each other in order to satisfy their emotional needs in men. Everyone plausibly has the reason: a mother who dedicates her whole life to her son deserves his son’s affection; a wife who commits herself to her husband and bears offspring should justifiably have all the love of her husband.What's more, mothers and wives live together every day, and they always have to fight "psychological warfare" over the right to love, the way of love, the amount and thickness of love.When you study it carefully and taste it, it is really sad and sad, and this sad and sad is passed on to men. They have no other way out except to bear love. They are shaped in this kind of culture and tradition.Those who have been established and stipulated have to carry all kinds of burdens, and their mental state is obviously not uplifting, and they cannot look like a truly tall and straight man from the inside out.Although they are a big tree, they are often tightly entangled by vines that must be attached to, so how can they be fulfilled.Stretch to complete their own growth.I think this is not only sad for the vine, but also sad for the tree.I think many men who are sons and husbands really look like this tree...