Chapter 17 Deciphering the heart

When I have the opportunity to communicate with readers, readers often have such curious worries and questions: "Do you feel that the writing is empty, and there is nothing to write anymore?" I said: "I don't think so." They pursued unwillingly: "why?" It seems that I don’t have too mature ideas to answer others. I just feel that almost every seemingly ordinary person in life can actually enter the novel. If you carefully decipher their hearts, you will see a quite Rich.And quite a complex world - astounding.emotion.sigh.Pity.concern.Depressed, of course, but also touching.Joyful, uplifting, thought-provoking, or helpless-all these discoveries and feelings are enough for you to write many, many novels, and there is no time to write them.Life is really endless, thin paper and pen are always limited.

Obviously, the key issue is to decipher the human heart, consciously or not?Go deep or not?Thorough or not?Keen or not?The difference here is really big.Because there are too many people who don’t appear to be the same inside and out, intentionally or unintentionally, and have to hide their true self deeply and cover up very falsely. As time goes by, they get used to that false self; as time goes by, They can't recognize themselves anymore; over time, the hidden self gradually disappears, while the distorted and deformed self gradually becomes certain.And to decipher this "over time" process, decipher this psychology of "confusing the real with the fake", and decipher those who have lost themselves, some life pictures and various states of various characters will naturally emerge.mentality.situation.encounter.Destiny will also be clearly displayed, and the story and plot will be included in it, even without deliberately weaving.Fiction, just give a little reasonable imagination, these characters will jump out of your heart, and come into the novel vividly.

In recent years, I have written some novels about the fate of women.It should be said that the understanding of women.Sure, I think I have a certain degree of accuracy.Women have a lot of common psychology, which makes them have very similar attitudes when facing life. Therefore, I have chosen a general title for these novels of mine, "Born to Be a Woman".However, even if this woman and that woman are the same in essence, there is a difference between this and that after all, and they have one or another kind of mind after all.Mind, psychology.Different thoughts are due to different circumstances; different thoughts are due to different characters; different psychology are due to different qualities.People, no one is exactly the same.The year before last, I went to a work-study school for interviews and met teachers and students in the girls' class.The original intention of the interview was to reflect the problems of working-study girls, but I accidentally heard a story about a female teacher: she was rated as an advanced teacher every year, worked very seriously and responsibly, and devoted herself to educating these stumbled students.She also looks bright and enthusiastic, as if she is satisfied with work and honor.But in a vague way, I knew that her family life was very bad. Her husband was having an affair and was his student. We had been friends for many years, and we were living an embarrassing life with her.In the unit, she never publicized her misfortune in front of her colleagues. Instead, she showed a better mood and a better work attitude.When I interviewed her, she talked freely, without the slightest melancholy or shadow in her eyes, and I even suspected that those "vague legends" were not true.On the eve of leaving the work-study school, this "mystery" was still unsolved, and I was unable to investigate it.to confirm.Out of curiosity, but also out of imagination: If it is true, then it is worth deciphering the heart of this advanced teacher who does not have many characteristics.I thought twice, instead of making rounds and rounds of analysis, it would be better to ask her bluntly.I was prepared: either to say nothing, or to deny it.Anyway, I have to ask, even if I get nothing.Before leaving, I looked for her again.Maybe it was because of being with me for more than ten days that I made her feel trustworthy. Unexpectedly, she revealed the truth, amazingly frank, and cried in pain, "I have endured it for so many years, and I have no place to say it. You are not from our school anyway. , is a writer..."

"Why not divorce?" I said. "Leaving, how can I be a teacher in school? Leaving, what about the two daughters? Leaving, let that woman succeed? Leaving, the house that I finally got is torn apart? Leaving, I am also lonely, Can I still get married at the age of fifty? I'm used to it, so let's go on like this. Fortunately, I have a job, and the change of my student can give me comfort." I will say no more.I understand how many sleepless nights these considerations of hers are.I also understand why she can get used to this indifferent family life.I also understand that she is not quite herself at school and that she is not quite herself at home.The true self has been quietly eroded by life.

A year later, I wrote a novel "Under the Same Roof", which was published in "Shanghai Literature", and was also translated into English and French by "Chinese Literature".I don't know if foreign readers understand the psychology of this female teacher.But I believe that Chinese readers will understand all the considerations and performances of this female teacher as much as I do.Of course, while understanding, there are also deep sighs. A novel is undoubtedly deciphering a mind, but how many complicated thoughts do all living beings have...