Chapter 19 die

When the selection of the engravings by Kaethe Kollwitz was published, Ms. ASmedley was asked to give a preface.I thought it was a very suitable invitation, because the two of them knew each other very well.It was done soon, and Mr. Mao Dun was forced to translate it, which is now published in the anthology.It reads: "For many years, Kathy Kollwitz - never once using the title bestowed upon her [3] - made numerous drawings, sketches, pencil and pen The sketches, woodcuts, and copper engravings of her. Studying these shows that there are two main themes that dominate her. The theme in her early years is resistance, while the theme in her later years is maternal love, maternal protection, relief, and death. The cage shines on her Above all works, there is a sense of suffering, tragedy, and a deep passion for the protection of the oppressed.

"Once I asked her: 'You used to use the theme of rebellion, but now you seem to be a little bit obsessed with the idea of ​​death. Why is that?' In a bitter tone, she replied, 'Maybe because I am getting old day by day!'..." When I saw this, I thought about it.Do the math: it was around 1910 when she used "death" as a painting material; she was only forty-three or forty-four years old at that time.My "thinking about it" this year is of course related to my age, but when I recall more than ten years ago, I have not felt so deeply about death.Probably our life and death have been dealt with casually by people for a long time, and they regard it as insignificant, so we also take it casually, not as seriously as Europeans.Some foreigners say that the Chinese are most afraid of death.This is actually not true—but of course, every time you die, you will inevitably die in a stupid way.

What everyone believes in the state after death contributes to the casualness of death.Everyone knows that we Chinese believe in ghosts (recently called "souls"). If there are ghosts, after death, although they are no longer human, they are still ghosts.However, Jiujiu, who is imagined to be a ghost, is different according to the wealth of the person during his lifetime.Poor people generally think that after death, they will go to reincarnation [4], which is rooted in Buddhism.The reincarnation mentioned in Buddhism is of course complicated and not so simple, but poor people often have no education, so they don't understand it.This is the reason why the condemned criminals shouted, "Twenty years later, he will be a good man again" without any fear when they were bound to the execution ground.Moreover, it is said that the clothes of ghosts are the same as those at the time of death. The poor have no good clothes, and they will never be very decent if they become ghosts.Have we ever seen a family give birth to a child wearing the clothes of a beggar or a swimmer in the womb?there has never been.That's good, start over.Some people may ask, since you believe in reincarnation, you may fall into a poorer situation in the next life, or simply be an animal, which is even more terrifying.But I think they don't think so. They are convinced that they have not committed the sins that should be in the animal state. They have never had the status, power and money to fall into the animal state.

However, people with status, power and money don't feel that they should fall into the realm of animals; on the one hand, they become lay Buddhists, preparing to become Buddhas, and on the other hand, they naturally advocate reading scriptures and revival, and also become sages.Just as they transcended human reason when they were alive, they think they transcend reincarnation after death.As for people with little money, although they don't feel that they should be reincarnated, they have no other talents and plans, and they are only prepared to be ghosts with peace of mind.So when I was around fifty years old, I would find a burial place for myself, use longevity materials, and burn paper ingots, store them in the underworld first, give birth to offspring, and eat soup every year.This is actually more enjoyable than being a human being.If I am a ghost now, and I have good offspring in the yang world, then why should I sell manuscripts sporadically, or go to Beixin Bookstore to settle accounts? Wouldn't it be nice to have a table full of food and a pile of national coins in front of us during the festival?

Generally speaking, except for those who are very rich and have nothing to do with the law of the underworld, the poor are generally good for immediate reincarnation, and the well-off people are good for long-term ghosts.Well-to-do people are willing to be ghosts because the life of a ghost (these two words have a big grammatical error, but I can't think of an appropriate term) is the continuation of the life of a person he has not yet tired of.Of course, there is a master in the underworld, and he is extremely strict and fair, but he is quite accommodating to him alone, and will accept some gifts, just like a good official in the world.

There is a group of people who are casual, and I am afraid that even when they are dying, they will not think much of it. I have always been one of this casual party.Thirty years ago, when I was studying medicine, I studied the presence or absence of the soul, but I didn’t know; I also studied whether death is painful, but the results were inconsistent.In the past ten years, I sometimes wrote articles about the death of a friend, but I didn't seem to think of myself.In the past two years, I have suffered a lot of illnesses, and one illness has lasted for a relatively long time. This is why I often remember my age. Naturally, on the one hand, it is also because of the constant reminders from some authors' pens, whether well-intentioned or malicious.

Since last year, whenever I recuperate after illness and lie on a wicker reclining chair, I can't help but think about what I should do after my physical recovery: what articles to write, what books to translate or print.After making up his mind, he concluded: That's it—but do it quickly.This idea of ​​"doing it quickly" was something I didn't have before, because I remembered my age unconsciously.But I never thought of "death" directly. It wasn't until this year's serious illness that it clearly aroused thoughts about death.In the past, he was still diagnosed and treated by Japanese doctor S [6] as he did every time he fell ill.Although he is not a tuberculosis expert, he is old and has a lot of experience. From the time he was studying medicine, he is my senior, and he is very familiar with him, and he is willing to talk.Naturally, no matter how familiar a doctor is with a patient, he still has a limit to what he can say, but he has warned me at least two or three times, but I still didn't take it seriously and didn't tell anyone else.Probably because the days have been too long and the symptoms of the disease are too dangerous, several friends negotiated secretly and invited Dr. D[7] from the United States to come for a diagnosis.He is the only European tuberculosis expert in Shanghai. After examining and auscultating me, although he praised me as a typical Chinese who is most resistant to diseases, he also declared that I would perish; and said that if I was a European , died five years ago.The verdict brought tears to the tears of my affectionate friends.I didn't ask him to prescribe it, because I thought that he learned medicine from Europe, and he must have never learned how to prescribe a prescription for a patient who had been dead for five years.However, Dr. D's diagnosis was extremely accurate. Later, I took a chest image with X-ray perspective, and the scene I saw was almost the same as his diagnosis.

I didn't mind his announcement very much, but it was also affected a little, lying down day and night, unable to talk or read.I can't even hold a newspaper, and I haven't practiced "the heart is like an ancient well", so I can only think about it, and since then I sometimes think about "death".But what I think about is not "I will be a hero again in twenty years", or how to live in a nanmu coffin for a long time, but the trivial matters before dying.At this time, I was convinced that I really believe that people die without ghosts.I only thought about writing a will, thinking that if I had been a palace protector[8] and had a fortune of tens of millions, my son, son-in-law and others must have forced me to write a will, but now no one mentions it.But I'll keep one too.At that time, I seemed to have made some plans, all of which were written to relatives. Some of them were: 1. Don’t accept a penny from anyone because of the funeral. ——But old friends, not in this case.

Two, quickly restrain, bury, and pull down. Three, don't do anything about remembrance. Four, forget about me and take care of my own life. —If not, you are a fool. Fifth, if the child grows up, if he has no talent, he can find some small things to make a living, and must not become an empty writer or artist. 6. Don't take things that others promise you to be true. Seventh, don't get close to someone who hurts others' teeth, but opposes revenge and advocates tolerance. In addition, of course, I have forgotten it now.I only remember that when I had a fever, I also thought that when Europeans are dying, there is often a ceremony, which is to ask others to forgive, and I also forgive others.My enemies can be said to be many, if someone of the new style asks me, how should I answer?I thought about it and decided: let them resent, and I will not forgive any of them.

But the ceremony was not held, and the will was not written, but I lay silently, and sometimes I had more urgent thoughts: It turns out that even if I am dying like this, it is not painful; but, at the moment of dying, maybe it is not like this However, there is only one time in a lifetime, no matter what, it is always bearable...  Later, there was a turning point and got better.Up to now, I think, these are probably not the situation before I was really about to die, and I might not even have these thoughts when I was really about to die, but I don’t know exactly how. September 5th. CC [1] This article was originally published in the second issue of the first volume of the semimonthly "Zhongliu" on September 20, 1936.

〔2〕Smedley (1890-1950) Translated by Smedley, female writer and reporter of the American Revolution.Came to China in 1928, and started communicating with the author at the end of 1929.He is the author of the autobiographical novel "Daughter of the Earth" and the reportage "The Great Road" introducing Zhu De's revolutionary experience.The "preface" mentioned here is entitled "Kathy Kollwitz-The Artist of the People". 〔3〕 After the German November Revolution established the Republic in 1918, the Ministry of Culture and Education of the German government awarded Kathy Kollwitz the title of professor. The Prussian Academy of Arts hired her as an academician and awarded her the title of "Art Master". ", and enjoy the right to receive a life-long annuity. [4] Reincarnation Buddhist language.Buddhism preaches that all living beings are transformed in a continuous cycle among the so-called heaven, man, asura (an evil god in Indian mythology), hell, hungry ghosts, and animals according to their good and evil karma. "Xindi Guanjing": "Sentient beings reincarnate in six ways, just like a wheel without end." [5] Beixin Bookstore was a bookstore in Shanghai at that time, hosted by Li Xiaofeng, who had published and translated many works by Lu Xun.Due to the arrears of royalties, Lu Xun hired a lawyer to negotiate with him in August 1929. 〔6〕Doctor S is Sudou Wubai San, a Japanese retired military doctor who was practicing medicine in Shanghai at that time. [7] Dr. D is Thomas Dunn (Thomas Dunn), a German-American. At that time, he was practicing medicine in Shanghai and was introduced by Smedley to see a doctor for the author. 〔8〕Gongbao is the common name of Prince Taibao and Shaobao. It is generally a title conferred by ministers to show honor and favor.In the late Qing Dynasty, Sheng Xuanhuai, the Minister of Posts and Communications and a big comprador, was once awarded the title of "Prince Shaobao". After his death, his relatives caused lawsuits for fighting for inheritance.