Chapter 47 Mr. Lao She in my memory

It has been more than 20 years since Mr. Lao She passed away unjustly.During this rather long period of time, I have often thought of him, far more than the thirty years since I knew him until his death.Every time I think of him, I feel sad.I am sad that China has lost a great upright writer who loved the motherland and the people, and I myself have lost an amiable old friend who can be regarded as a teacher in terms of age.At present, I myself have reached my old age, and I can no longer bear this grief in my heart, and I am unwilling to take it away from this world.I know that primitive people quite believe in the mysterious power of words, but I have never believed in this way.However, I would rather be a primitive person now, and convert my grief and nostalgia into words. Maybe this grief can disappear suddenly and restore my peace of mind. Wouldn’t it be a great thing?

Since I was in high school, I have read Mr. Lao She's works, such as "Lao Zhang's Philosophy", "Zhao Zi said", and "Two Horses".After arriving at university, and after leaving university, as long as he has a new book published, I will definitely see it first. I have read it carefully, such as "Camel Xiangzi".At first, due to the limitation of my level, I dare not say that I understood all of his works.But I always feel that he is different from other writers.His language is lively and humorous, and it is authentic Beijing dialect, with a little Shandong colloquial added from time to time.He does not have the very awkward style of many writers who are coy and uncomfortable to read, and a fresh and lively power is beating between the lines.His humor is also different from the intentional humor of Lin Yutang and his ilk.In short, Mr. Lao She has become one of my favorite writers in my life, and I have great respect for him.

However, I got to know Mr. Lao She entirely by chance. In the early 1930s, I left high school to study at Tsinghua University.Mr. Lao She was teaching at Qilu University in Jinan at that time.Jinan is my hometown, and I go back every summer vacation.Li Changzhi is from Jinan, and he is my only classmate who has "three coherence" in primary school, middle school and university.One summer vacation, he told me that he was going to invite Mr. Lao She to dinner at home and asked me to accompany him.In the old society, university professors were generally very airy, and there seemed to be two classes between them and college students.I'm kind of flattered to be asked to dine with a college professor.When I met Mr. Lao She, he was not at all the kind of university professor I had in mind.He talks naturally, amiably, without airs at all, especially his authentic Beijing accent, sonorous, listening to him is like listening to music, it is a kind of enjoyment.We've known each other since then.

Decades of intense turmoil followed.After graduating from university, I taught Chinese at a high school in Jinan for one year, and then went to Europe, where I lived for 11 years.After China won, I came back and lived in Nanjing for a summer vacation.At night I slept on the desk of the director of the National Institute of Compilation and Compilation; during the day I had no place to stay, so I just wandered around, such as Taicheng, Xuanwu Lake, Mochou Lake, etc., I swam all over again.Mr. Lao She seems to have some connection with the National Institute of Compilation and Translation. I often hear his name from Changzhi.But have not met.In autumn, I also left Nanjing, took a sea boat around Qinhuangdao, and came to Peiping.

The next three years will be more intense and turbulent.The Kuomintang reactionary army armed to the teeth with American equipment was completely wiped out.A small group of Chiang Kai-shek went to Taiwan.The Chinese people have struggled hard for more than a hundred years, and finally ushered in the spring of liberation.We, a group of intellectuals, have personally felt that we have indeed stood up.Under such circumstances, I met Mr. Lao She again in the so-called old capital at that time. It has been more than 20 years since the first meeting. I can't remember exactly what happened when we met again.But I clearly remember the scene of a Chinese standardization conference held in the early 1950s.At that time, well-known figures in the field of linguistics, as well as celebrities in the field of folk art, were invited to participate, including Hou Baolin, sister Ma Zengfen and so on.Mr. Lao She, Mr. Ye Shengtao, Mr. Luo Changpei, Mr. Lu Shuxiang, Mr. Li Jinxi, etc. all participated.This is the first grand meeting of the linguistics circle after liberation.At that time, the meeting had not yet reached the level of disaster, so everyone's interest was very high, and the atmosphere at the meeting was very cordial and harmonious.

One day at noon, Mr. Lao She suddenly suggested that we invite everyone to have an authentic Beijing meal.Everyone knows that Mr. Lao She is an authentic Beijinger, and the authentic Beijing food he talked about must be very authentic, and they all readily agreed.Mr. Lao She is well known for his familiarity with the lives of the people in Beijing.Some people jokingly called him "Beijing Land".The friends he made were from all schools and schools.He can sit alone by the big wine tank, drink happily with the "inferior people" of the old society such as foreign coachmen and old policemen, and be intimate, just like old friends and relatives. No one can feel that he is a great writer, famous professor, A bachelor who studied abroad.Among contemporary writers, there is no second person who can do this.Such an old Beijinger wants to invite everyone to have a Beijing meal, how can everyone's interest not be high?The result of the discussion was to go to Xisi Shaguoju to eat boiled pork, of course Mr. Lao She was the host.He is good friends with the manager of the restaurant down to the boy, so the food is excellent and the service is attentive.Everyone had a hearty meal.Although it is a simple meal, it is unforgettable for a lifetime.Mr. Ye and Mr. Lu, who attended the banquet and are still alive today, probably still remember this meal.

There is one other small matter that must also be mentioned here.I forgot what year it was, anyway, I still live in Cuihua Hutong in the city and have not moved out of the city.One day, I went to a famous barber shop opposite the north gate of Dong'an Market to get a haircut, and suddenly caught a glimpse of Mr. Lao She, lying on a chair, with a white ball of soap foam on his chin, letting the barber shave his face.This is not a good time to talk, just exchange a few words, and then say nothing.When I was sitting in the chair, I saw him greet me in the mirror, say goodbye, and saw his figure go out the door.When I had to pay for my haircut, the barber said: Mr. Lao She has already paid for you.Such small things like sesame and mung beans are not enough to show Mr. Lao She's spirit; but, isn't it enough to show his careful and considerate mood?

Mr. Lao She's moral articles are as bright as the sun and the moon, and as towering as a mountain. I don't need to comment on them in detail, and I don't have the ability.All I write now are the little things.However, seeing the big in the small, seeing the spirit in the trivial, seeing the great in the ordinary, seeing a leopard in a glimpse, and tasting a tripod, can't they also reflect a microcosm of Mr. Lao She's entire personality? There is a saying in China: "It is better to live than to die." This sentence expresses a truth.A man never throws his own life away unless absolutely necessary.The verb "to die" in Indian Sanskrit has the same conjugations as the passive.I've always found it very interesting, very interesting.The ancient Indian grammarians were deeply familiar with human feelings, so they created such a form.Death is almost always passive. How many people die actively?Mr. Lao She must have had his last resort when he embarked on the road of sinking himself.Some people say that a person always thinks of many things before he dies, and he will think of his own life.It's a pity that I don't have this experience yet, so I can only think wildly here.When Mr. Lao She was lingering on the shore of the lake and determined to sink himself, he looked at the vastness of the lake and was filled with grief and indignation. Bar!This life is a life of loyalty to the motherland and the people, but in the end it has fallen to this point.why?Why?If I stay in the United States and don’t come back, I write a book saying that I can travel freely, have a house, a car, fame and fortune, and live comfortably all my life, maybe I can live a long life and become a rich prince.Didn't he come back through hardships resolutely because he loves his motherland?Is it because the motherland is unable to protect her wanderer who has returned from afar today?Or are you unwilling to take shelter?I guess, Mr. Lao She will never complain about his motherland, the motherland is always lovely, and she is lovely under any circumstances.He will never regret coming back, but he does have some problems that are difficult to understand, so he can only make up his mind and die.Who among us today can understand such a question?I think Mr. Lao She would still think of the persimmon trees and chrysanthemums he planted in his yard, and of course he would also think of his relatives and friends.All of these are very beautiful and lovely.Doesn't he have no nostalgia for these things?Never, never, but, there is something stuck in his heart, entangled him like a big poisonous snake, he can only jump, plunge into the wave heart, let the overflowing lake water bring him relief .

More than two thousand years ago, Qu Yuan sank in the Miluo River.He chanted by the lake, and what he was thinking in his heart was probably similar to that of Mr. Lao She.He thought: "The wings of a cicada are the most important, but the weight is light; the yellow bell is destroyed, and the kettle is thundering." He also thought: "The whole world is turbid and I am alone, and everyone is drunk, but I am sober." Did Mr. Lao She also think this way? ?Who can answer this question for me?I'm afraid no one will be able to answer it at the end of the earth.With tears in my eyes, I saw Mr. Lao She wearing glasses and smiling kindly at me; I seemed to hear his sonorous and rhythmic Beijing dialect in my ears.I was trembling all over, and even my soul was shaking violently.

Alas!I want to be speechless. Morning of October 1, 1987