Chapter 21 thinking or reflection

But, I have to go on and on for a while. I can't just stop here. Sixteen or seventeen years after the end of the "Cultural Revolution", I have been thinking about some issues related to this so-called "revolution".Especially in the process of my writing, I think more concentrated and more seriously.This can be regarded as my own "remaining thoughts" or "reflection". What questions did I think about? The first is: have you learned your lesson? Everyone in the world believes that the so-called "Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution" has neither "culture" nor "revolution" and is an out-and-out "ten-year catastrophe".This is the consensus of the entire Chinese people, and there is absolutely no need for further debate.In this unprecedented (I hope so) catastrophe, our people have suffered a lot in both spiritual and material aspects.There is really no way to settle this account.Not worth mentioning.Don't we often say that to seek knowledge, to gain experience or lessons, we have to pay tuition?I totally agree with this sentiment.However, the tuition fees we have paid are so high that they cannot be increased. Where is the knowledge, experience or lessons we have obtained?

My answer is: learned a little, but not enough. Personally, I have always believed that the "ten-year catastrophe" is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to sum up lessons, and it is a "negative teacher" that is hard to buy with billions of dollars.From this "teacher", we can get a lot of negative lessons; once the lessons are transformed, they can become positive experiences.Whether it is lessons or experience, it is very useful for us to further build our great motherland. However, we didn't do this, and we missed this golden opportunity that might never come again.Some people say: The "Cultural Revolution" has passed, and there is no need to worry about it.

Therefore, the second question I pondered is: Has the "Cultural Revolution" passed? We are materialists, and the essence of materialism is to seek truth from facts.If you really want to seek truth from facts, you must admit that the "Cultural Revolution" seems to have not yet completely passed.Although on the surface, it seems to have passed; however, if you look closely, the situation is quite the opposite.If you ask the middle-aged and elderly intellectuals who participated in the "Cultural Revolution", especially those who were persecuted during the "Cultural Revolution", if they are willing and dare to tell the truth, you will know that they still have a lot of anger and have not vented it. .The situation may be different for young people today.They don't know much about the "Cultural Revolution", and listening to lectures about the "Cultural Revolution" is like listening to strange stories from overseas.That's what I think is cause for concern.They are ignorant of the lessons learned from the past. Who can guarantee that they will not do similar things in the future?As for middle-aged and elderly intellectuals who have been persecuted, whenever the "Cultural Revolution" is mentioned, they are all angry and full of complaints.It is impossible for me to meet 100% of such intellectuals, but I can guarantee that at least most of them are like this.

As for the veteran cadres who were persecuted during the "Cultural Revolution" for their meritorious service in establishing New China, they are highly enlightened and magnanimous, which may be different from intellectuals.I don't have many old cadres in contact with, so I dare not talk nonsense.However, I remembered a small but profound thing, so I might as well talk about it.I remember that in 1978, after the National Committee of the Chinese People's Political Consultative Conference resumed its activities, I met a veteran cadre in the Friendship Hotel who had participated in the revolution for a long time and was very famous in the literary and art circles. I haven't seen a member of the group for more than ten years. When he saw me, the first thing he said was: "The ancients said: 'Scholars can be killed, but not humiliated'. The 'Cultural Revolution' proved: 'Scholars can be killed but also humiliated'".After all, he laughed.Is he laughing or crying?I couldn't laugh at all.Isn't it clear how much pent-up pain is in this veteran cadre's heart?

This veteran cadre is by no means alone in thinking this way.I personally have such thoughts.Moreover, I believe that the vast majority of Chinese intellectuals, that is, the so-called "scholars" in ancient times, would have this idea. "A scholar can be killed, but not humiliated", this sentence shows that China has such a tradition since ancient times.We are more sensitive in this regard than foreign intellectuals. I can't help but think of Chinese intellectuals, who are neither class nor class, but their history and current situation.In feudal society, scholars ranked first among scholars, farmers, businessmen.It has always been that you can attack when you advance, and you can defend when you retreat, and you have a lofty status in society.I was born too late, and I have never seen such an intellectual in China.I have seen intellectuals during the period of warlords and the period of Kuomintang rule.Not to mention anything else, as far as university professors at that time were concerned, their salaries were generous and their social status was high.Invisibly, they have developed a sense of superiority over others.Existence determines consciousness, it is inevitable.They are generally quite airy, such as the so-called "professor airs".By the time I became a professor, things changed dramatically.The Kuomintang rule has come to an end, and inflation has reached an astonishing level.Professors actually earn very little.However, he still wears the coat of Kong Yiji, and still has his social status.

As soon as I was liberated, like most of the professors, I was extremely excited and felt that I had really stood up and gained a new life.We are as happy as children, and as naive as children.We feel that "the sky in the liberated areas is a clear sky."Everything we see is as red as a rose and as bright as the sun. However, the good times didn't last long.During the first large-scale political movement, the Three Antis and Five Antis Thought Reform Movement, I took a bath in the "middle basin". It seemed that a lot of dirty things had been washed off. The sweetness of transformation.But the political movements that followed, one after another, seemed to be a little out of breath.Criticize Wu Xun, criticize "Research on A Dream of Red Mansions", criticize Hu Feng, criticize Hu Shi, add counter-revolutionaries, etc., non-stop, overwhelmed.In 1957 the anti-rightist struggle reached an unprecedented climax.Although I wasn't wrapped in it, and I didn't wear any hat; but my spirit was always in a state of extreme tension, and my life was not happy.From the bottom of my mind, I was in favor of these movements at the time, and I didn't mean to deny them at all.During the anti-rightist period, I was busy attending criticism meetings every day—by the way, the "jet" had not been invented at that time, and the criticism would not be as "good-looking" as in the "Cultural Revolution"—and I was busy reading criticism materials.However, a cloud of suspicion gradually arose in my mind: Why did people's actions and the several "supreme instructions" published around that time seem to be extremely out of sync with each other?Even so, I have no doubts about the most famous sentence: it is a conspiracy, not a conspiracy.

After the Anti-Rightist movement, they continued to engage in non-stop campaigns, such as "pulling the white flag" and so on.After the Lushan Conference, ultra-left thinking had reached its apex, but there was an anti-right movement.During the difficult three years, I myself, like other old intellectuals, had no dissatisfaction even though I was hungry every day, let alone utter strange words.Even the mental outlook of the people across the country is very normal and uplifting.Who can say that such people and intellectuals are not the best in the world? The so-called "Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution" that began in 1966 was the inevitable result of the development of the situation.Afterwards, even a teacher from the Department of Oriental Languages ​​at the former Xinbei University Commune told me that I could have escaped this disaster.However, I showed great strength and jumped out by myself, and finally got my retribution: I was ransacked, beaten, scolded, criticized, locked in a cowshed, and almost lost my life.I did feel sorry for myself at the time.But now I have another idea. The "Cultural Revolution" was a once-in-a-lifetime "event".If I don't jump out myself, I will never have a taste of this "revolution" for myself, and I will never be able to understand what this disaster is like.That would be a great regret that is absolutely irreparable.

When I was locked in the bullpen, I saw a lot and thought a lot.I gradually felt that there was a problem: why must intellectuals be tortured like this?Intellectuals have many faults and shortcomings, but where are the perfect people?I didn't know much at the time, and my thinking was superficial and one-sided.I blame no one, not even the people who started this "revolution".I just kept digging deep into my soul.To use a word that is sometimes used now and then, it is "original guilt".This is a word used for Christians, and it is only borrowed here. Whether other old intellectuals have this feeling, I don't know.It manifested itself in me in a very specific way.Before liberation, I thought all politics were dirty and determined not to get involved.I don't know much about the Communist Party, but I think the Kuomintang is a bit bad and must collapse.After Liberation, I mentioned above my gains from the thought reform movement, the core of which is to know that not all politics are dirty, and the Communist Party is not.At the same time, I felt very selfish: the Chinese people fought bloody wars, while I myself hid thousands of miles away and engaged in my own famous mountain business.I think my little "knowledge", that little knowledge, is very shameful, if it can be considered "knowledge" and knowledge.For a long time, I called myself "Peach Picker Pie" and reaped the fruits of victory.

So what to do? I have a lot of whimsy.I even hope that there will be another Anti-Japanese War, give me a chance, let me show it.I'm sure I can go to war, even at the expense of my own life, I can do it.I have read a lot of novels depicting the War of Resistance Against Japan or the Revolutionary War, and I admire the spirit of some Communists and revolutionary fighters who are not afraid of sacrifice.I myself vowed to learn from them.These are fantasies, of course, and they are sincere, even if they are inevitably a little childish.It can show my mental state at that time. When it comes to the worship of leaders, I used to be firmly against it.When I was in China, I always sneered at the Kuomintang people's admiration for their "leader".I met this "leader" when I went to Nanjing to appeal as a student of Tsinghua University after the September 18 incident. He lied and deceived us.Later, the more I thought about it, the more unpleasant it became.My teacher, Mr. Chen Yinke, is also not interested in this project.His verse: "Looking at the flowers is hard to get close to the tallest building", can be proved.Later, when I arrived in Germany, it was the day when fascism was rampant.I saw Germans, at least some of them, shouting to each other: "Heil Hitler!" when they met, I found it extremely ridiculous and incomprehensible.I know a German girl who is not more than twenty years old, and she is very beautiful.Once she actually said to me: "If I can have a child with Hitler, it will be the greatest honor in my life!"I have a subtext: We Chinese are smart and would never do such a stupid thing.

After returning to China, only three years later, China was liberated.In the early days of liberation, I was in the same mood as some other old intellectuals. Our excitement and happiness have already been mentioned above.At that time, two parades were held every year, May 1st and 11th, both in Tiananmen Square.Every time I get up in the early morning, the whole team walks from the beach to the small alleys in Dongdan District and waits for several hours.At ten o'clock sharp, the meeting begins.Our team will also walk through Tiananmen Square and be inspected by the leaders.At that time, the three doors had not been removed.When you are on the east side of the Three Gates, you can't see the leaders on the Tiananmen Gate at all.As soon as he turned through the three gates and saw the leader, there was an earth-shattering "Long live" sound immediately among the thousands of people.At first, no matter how excited I was, I couldn't get used to shouting "Long live" and couldn't.However, probably because I have a very high IQ in this area, it didn't take long before I shouted loudly and enthusiastically, as if it was the strongest voice from the depths of my soul.I completely bow down at the leader's feet.

Above I have briefly but honestly described the process of my own transformation of thought.You can see the ocean in a drop of water, and the universe in a grain of sand.Other old intellectuals may be similar to me, at least the same but with minor differences.This fully proves that the old Chinese intellectuals, not to mention the young ones, love our great motherland.Patriotism has been a tradition of Chinese intellectuals for thousands of years.Compared with intellectuals in other countries, this is a prominent feature of Chinese intellectuals. "Whoever realizes the big dream first, I know it all my life."I have a pretty low IQ when it comes to dreams.Until the ten-year catastrophe, when I was imprisoned, I still supported this catastrophe.A Western proverb says: "Not everything that shines is gold." During this period, I came into contact with the People's Liberation Army and workers who were sent to the school to "support the left".It turns out that this is the object of my worship. "The people of the whole country learn from the People's Liberation Army" and "the working class must lead everything."However, after getting in touch with them now, I gradually discovered that some of them have extremely low policy concepts, and their style of work is domineering, and some of them even broke the law and discipline.As if a basin of cold water had been poured on my head, I suddenly woke up. I understand the truth of "no gold is pure, no man is perfect".But such a style of work would happen to someone I have always admired, I never thought of it anyway.We materialists should seek truth from facts and be open and aboveboard; rhetoric and whitewashing are absolutely not advisable.Although we intellectuals have a lot of problems, compared with others, am I really a "stinky old nine"? I wrote a long-winded article above, just to say that the persecution of intellectuals during the "Cultural Revolution" is completely unreasonable, and no amount of rhetoric can cover it up.For the vast number of persecuted intellectuals, the "Cultural Revolution" has not passed.Take myself as an example.On the one hand, I was "lucky" that I participated in the "Cultural Revolution" and was imprisoned in a cowshed, where I gained extremely rare experience.But on the other hand, besides all the praises and praises I hear everywhere for my "flying to the top", a thought occasionally flashed in my mind: I should have committed suicide at that time; Now it is to bear the burden of humiliation and drag out an ignoble existence.This kind of thinking is very bad.Now that I have, I'm bluntly speaking.But I want to ask: Am I the only one who thinks this way, Ji Xianlin? This leads to the third question I think about: Is the victim resentful? This question is very easy to answer.According to my above description, the answer is only two words: no! To discuss this issue clearly, we must start from looking back at the past.I have written about the situation of me and other old intellectuals in the early days of liberation, and I will add it now, mainly for wanderers who returned from overseas.Overseas Chinese living far away felt the dramatic changes in their situation before and after liberation.They are well aware that all of this is inextricably linked to the liberation of the motherland. The patriotic overseas Chinese who have always been patriotic are now surging with patriotic enthusiasm, which is unprecedented.The young and middle-aged overseas Chinese risked all kinds of difficulties to return to the motherland.Like the domestic intellectuals, they see everything as red as a rose and as radiant as the sun.Willing to contribute everything to the construction of the motherland.In addition, some Chinese scholars working and giving lectures abroad have also given up all the favorable living and research conditions overseas and returned after thousands of miles. Among them is Mr. Lao She who later sank in the "Cultural Revolution".They are all high-spirited and high-spirited, thinking that the future of the motherland is bright, and their own future is also full of roses. However, once upon a time, the situation changed, the ultra-left ideological trend enveloped everything, and "overseas relations" became the main excuse for framing Luo Zhi.How can people who have returned from overseas not have "overseas relations"?This is common sense that three-year-olds understand.However, a group of our "leftist" lords insisted on this point. What spies, what spies, these extremely scary hats are flying all over the sky.It made everyone feel insecure and frightened.When it came to the "Cultural Revolution", it developed even more viciously.How many patriotic and kind people have suffered injustice!Needless to say, those who were persecuted to death.The living ones also rushed to leave.The former scrambled to return home, and the latter scrambled to leave, what a sharp contrast!I've seen this happen a lot.Anyone with a little sober mind will know how harmful this is to our motherland.Those who are forced to go abroad, which one is not full of grief and indignation, coupled with the sorrow of parting, which child is willing to leave his parents!Yet they left. Which of the intellectuals who stayed in the country and the intellectuals who were forced to leave felt resentful? Several years ago, some so-called "scar literature" appeared.However, as far as I can see, most of the writers are young people.They don't have many "scars".People who really have "scars" do not express their resentment due to various reasons, which are different for each person.In my opinion, this is not a normal phenomenon, but there is something dangerous in it, which is not conducive to the victorious progress of our motherland. Don't we place great emphasis on stability and unity?I very much support this formulation.Without stability and unity, it will be difficult for our economy to grow, and it will be difficult for our politics to play its due role.What we need, however, is real stability and unity.Given the fact that many intellectuals, especially old intellectuals, are still full of anger, it may be difficult to achieve true stability and unity. According to my personal observation, although many intellectuals are still resentful, material treatment can only be said to be very meager, and sometimes it is inevitable to say some strange things;It is completely in line with the actual situation to say that such a person is "high quality, low price and durable".However, I heard that some people felt very uncomfortable.I also heard recently that a rather well-known person, based on the lessons of the disintegration of the Soviet Union, said: Chinese intellectuals are still the skin of imperialism.This is just from hearsay.However, the possibility is not impossible.Do people who say such things still have a sense of right and wrong?Do you have a little "conscience"?I am deeply concerned. If such a person is in power again, there will be no kind of intellectuals. The last question I think about is: Why did the "Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution" happen? It's a big deal, and I don't have the ability to answer it.Is there anyone who can answer?I think there are.But they didn't answer, and they didn't seem to like others to answer.I humbly think that this is not the attitude a materialist should hold.If this crucial question is answered frankly and realistically, the people of the whole country, including intellectuals, of course, will express their sincere gratitude. Wouldn't it be a shame to work together to build our socialist society! We don't study it, "it's too polite to ask others", and foreigners come to study it.Some of them were well-intentioned and spoke the truth with a scientific attitude of seeking truth from facts.Point or not, the truth is always better than a lie.Among them, there are malicious ones, with other purposes, distorting the facts, making rumors and slandering, and muddying a pool of clear water.Although it is said that "It's ridiculous to shake a big tree, it's ridiculous", but it is not a good thing after all. Where do we go from here?I think it's very clear. My thoughts stop here. What I want to be long-winded is over.