Chapter 14 Momentary blank (3) - the ideal of Haagen-Dazs

Ni Chen returned to his home at 1 o'clock in the morning. When Jin Qing said goodbye to him, she said that she had nowhere to go.I'm afraid that in this city, I can't find a place where I can put myself down.It is so big, but there is no place for me. I don't want to live the life of sleeping in the train station before.She smiled softly, then took off the handkerchief on her finger, and returned it to Ni Chen.There is no man in this city who uses a handkerchief like you, so I am very lucky to know you. She waved at the side of the road and called TAXI. Ni Chen felt tired, he had never stayed outside so late before.Although the headache was splitting, but still turned on the computer.After calmly connecting to the Internet, I started receiving mail.Then he saw her letter, which was sent half an hour ago.

Ni Chen, the car is halfway through, and I am writing to you from an Internet cafe by the side of the road.My fingers don't hurt anymore.Bloodshed was a release for me.I am afraid of the kind of silence in the body, which keeps accumulating and solidifying, but has nowhere to flow... My tears started when you bandaged my wound. You used so much strength. I saw that you seemed to be very scared for the blood that kept dripping down.But I like your faint smile, you have not looked into my eyes. In fact, we can't choose our own life.Anytime, anywhere, anyone. I have stopped exploring the question of love and not love.He was the first Shanghai man I met and gave me a place to stay.The relationship between a woman and a man has nothing to do with love.Like the feeling of touching in the dark, unable to see each other, but knowing that the warmth of hands and skin can bring comfort.So, a lot of the time, I feel hopeless... very, very hopeless.

... My tears fell again, hitting the keyboard and my cold fingers.There's a twisted wound on the finger, but I know it will heal. In time, we can leave nothing behind.Including pain, pleasure and life. Thank you tonight for giving me reason to cry.It's been a long time, I haven't shed a tear... Ni Chen was late when he woke up in the morning.He ran hard and squeezed into the bus that was about to leave at the station.The carriage was crowded and airtight, but he found that his occasional irritability suddenly disappeared.He leaned against the car door, controlling his breathing.Many strangers, some with earphones plugged in, some reading newspapers, some eating steamed buns, all with expressionless faces.

He turned his face to the side, feeling the sunlight pouring in through the crack in the car door, shining above his eyes.warm sunlight.Ni Chen immersed his face in it, feeling its movement.Like the touch of fingers. Jin Qing, I decided to leave my parents and move out.The house has been found. It is a French apartment building in the 1930s. It is a bit dilapidated inside, but it is beautiful.There are rusted iron fences on the patio and a sprawling thick creeper, now with white, fragrant flowers. I think independence is also good.I just bought a quilt and moved over.On the first night of sleeping, I heard the crickets in the garden downstairs, chirping non-stop.I think there are still many places worthy of my nostalgia in this city, so I am a pedantic lazy person.But some standards of life are already being destroyed.Maybe it's what you told me...

I would love for you to be happy and for any increased sense of security.Hope you know that I'm always in one place in this city.I will not leave. Whale, would you write a letter to a man you only met once?Keep writing, keep writing.Ni Chen asked Jing in a low voice, in the empty and silent library. Won't.Whale thought for a moment in doubt, or maybe he would play a joke with him, teasing each other with each other.Whale laughed.But seriously, I seldom write letters now, even E-mail. No kidding.It is to talk about all the topics that are not easy to talk about with others. Yeah?The whale looked into his eyes.If it is a girl, then only one problem can be explained.She regards this man as a good friend and doesn't love him.

Ni Chen let out an oh, and started not to speak. The whale couldn't help but look into his eyes again.Ni Chen, if you have any doubts, you can tell me in detail, we can talk about everything, right? Then you also regard me as a good friend, right?Ni Chen joked.He changed the subject. Whale is a lovely girl.But she is different from Jin Qing.Jin Qing would use a direct, brutal, almost destructive method to enter a man's heart.Maybe she doesn't know it herself.Maybe she is, so cruel. letter.There are still many letters. ... Ni Chen, I found that I am not suitable for work. I can feel all the relationship between being used and being used, or using each other. I know it is reasonable, but I have always hated it.

I often work overtime and go home late at night, sitting alone on the bus at midnight, feeling physically and mentally exhausted.I was often constipated, dizzy, and had bleeding gums from exhausting myself. I know that in order to survive, we need to work.But work has changed life beyond recognition.We have no purpose, sometimes we just want to keep ourselves fed and clothed, or to be fed and clothed all the time.But what is it for after living? Any job and high income can be lost in an instant, if the possibility of being used or exploited is lost.Only long-term love and trust are forever, but we can't get it, so we can only use benefits as the standard.

But I hate profit...the kind of betrayal, deceit and back-and-forth that can be carried out at any time...I am not a person who adapts to the commercial society. ………… Lin goes out drinking every night.He is in business.I'm afraid he'll drink up his stomach.It would be costly to get sick, but he never cared about his health.He disregarded the fear he caused others... He is indeed a man who makes people feel hopeless.I can't have children because of poverty.Although I like children very much.Sometimes I am very envious when I see foreigners with three or four children on the road.I envy them that they can have many children.I know it's ridiculous, like if I don't go out to work.It's unimaginable...

I also like this city and its petty bourgeoisie.Sometimes I would wander alone on Huaihai Road for a whole afternoon, lying on the shop window, looking at the pattern of a Japanese porcelain bowl for an hour. I want to have a home with all the beautiful things I've seen, like that log table from IKEA.But sometimes I think, even without that wooden desk, a computer that allows me to design is enough...or one day, I can stop drawing for a living. I don't love it anymore because I make a living... ………… Then came July. ...Ni Chen, today is my birthday.Birthdays are strange days, when a person's birth has nothing to do with anyone, but when he celebrates his birthday, he likes to find many people to celebrate.What is there to celebrate.I just feel like I miss my parents and still hate seeing them.

After get off work, I went to Nanjing Road Isetan alone, where I looked at beautiful dresses, shoes, cosmetics, necklaces and perfumes.I love substance.Sometimes it can comfort people, like a caress, although it is empty, it brings a solid filling, and temporarily makes people forget the lack of life.Usually I only wear old jeans, very lazy, today I bought myself a dark rose red skirt, simple style, embroidered with flowers, not too expensive.I haven't worn new clothes for a long time. Suddenly I miss the man who once gave me a white dress.It has been a long time since I separated from him, but I can never forget him.The white skirt he gave me has turned yellow, and I have never worn it.I am afraid that those dusty things will disappear without a trace as soon as they are opened...

When I came out, I saw a small shop of Haagen-Dazs.I went in and stayed for a long time, but the ice cream inside was too expensive, so I still didn't buy anything in the end.When I came out, I took an advertisement page, which was beautifully done and pleasant. The vanilla is from Madagascar, the coffee is from Brazil, the strawberries are from Oregon, the chocolate is from Belgium, the nuts are from Hawaii... I've been watching this ad in the car and I think it's like my ideal.One day, I will buy a copy.How I love it. ...When I got home, I found Lin lying on the bed, smelling of alcohol. He said he had a stomachache, and he started injecting again because of the discomfort... Ni Chen called Jin Qing.She was in the company, and her voice on the phone was as sweet and thin as ever, always cheerful and gentle. Are you OK?Ni Chen leaned against the glass door of the public phone booth. It was raining heavily outside, and he heard the voice from the microphone was very messy. not too good.she says. Is it because of him? Yes. Ni Chen paused.Jin Qing, I have moved, I think I should have told you. Yes, you mentioned it in your letter. Come and sit down when you have time. OK Maybe you should stop pestering him.You will destroy yourself.Ni Chen finally let himself say these words clearly, and suddenly he found his dry lips stuck together.He heard silence on the microphone. I see, Ni Chen.I know. Change your life and stop wasting yourself like this. OK Let's stop here.goodbye. goodbye. The phone hung up.Ni Chen looked at the heavy rain outside the glass.He looks at the raindrops on the glass. Seeing the way raindrops slide down the glass, it turns out that there is a track to follow.They are short, jerky, broken, slow, like a grumpy man hesitating, full of oppression.I watched them until the next stop.Probably an hour or so. This is Jin Qing's first letter.